Much of my fear is triggered from severe trauma as a child. I use breathing, self soothing, and when I calm enough, I can recognize that there is no current threat and I am safe. I am not always successful and end up “down the rabbit hole” and it can disable me for days.
Learning to be more curious about my fear. Learning the importance of leaning in and feeling gentle towards it, Learning the origins and the burdens, finding what needs to be released and renewed/updated. Along with what is connected from historical or cultural trauma burdens vs what is directly from my experiences.
I love you Tara! What helps me face fear is dancing with it, literally. And being with people I love and connect with. Also I pray by imagining all of the people who love me holding me up.
Being in the present through meditation practice and reminding myself of the many times I worried about something coming true and it never did. I do still struggle and it is a process. Though I am doing better.
For years since I was a child I felt fearful and anxious and worried about everything – how I looked, if I was fat. or if I had to interview for a new job, or becoming a mother. I didn’t have too many coping mechanisms. Now at 56, I am happy. I think exercise, having good connections with good people or family, and definitely for me, my faith in God to give me strength and peace when I worry about trying new things has helped me immensely. Also, becoming a mother at 38 helped as I no longer felt self-conscious. Being a divorced mom raising a child alone, she is now 18 and going to a great college and is a kind person. I also am a home health aide and bring joy to sick people and seniors. Almost all of my new patients and their families and even their dogs, like me. All these things free me of fears. ( though a few new ones pop up now and then)
For years since I was a child I felt fearful and anxious and worried about everything – how I looked, if I was fat. or if I had to interview for a new job, or becoming a mother. I didn’t have too many coping mechanisms. Now at 56, I am happy. I think exercise, having good connections with good people or family, and definitely for me, my faith in God to give me strength and peace when I worry about trying new things has helped me immensely. Also, becoming a mother at 38 helped as I no longer felt self-conscious. Being a divorced mom raising a child alone, she is now 18 and going to a great college and is a kind person. I also am a home health aide and bring joy to sick people and seniors. Almost all of my new patients and their families and even their dogs, like me. All these things free me of fears. ( though a few new ones pop up now and then).
Thank-you Tara – your talks are wonderful levellers as you speak in a clear and very accessible way. Fear has been on my shoulder since early childhood (I am now nearly 78yrs); after many years of yoga practice & psychotherapy, I found the Buddha’s teaching of mindfulness meditation. Fear had me gripped in a cycle of self-loathe and disharmony with others – I was diagnosed with asthma and depression. Staying with the Buddha study and a daily practice, has paid off – more especially a strong focus on the breath and breathing. Now, I feel positivity around ageing (am enjoying the aging process through acceptance), and an awareness of feeling in control of me, which has allowed me (almost!) to ‘befriend’ anxiety and fear – still working on it! Louise
I play with my dog and try to remind myself that if I relax and so right by people and if I have joy in my life that things will likely go smoother.
Didn’t even realize how much fear I had until you hearing you frame it this way. Also made me realize how fear tortured people I’ve known and itakes so much sense.
The unconscious collective fear that isn’t recognized is something I have been thinking about for a long time. So much work to be done. I’m thinking it could take the form of collective mindfulness workshops and discussions. Seems like meditating on one’s own can only take one so far. And therapists are still fairly isolated. Some kind of socially engaged activity, group work and play could be good. Guattari probably had some thoughts on this too. I should revisit.
Maybe you have some knowledge in this area too? Anyone have recommendations for further research?
Anyway, thank you so much! I listen to you often. Your voice is very needed.
I find moving energy that accompanies my fear is helpful. Swimming laps disperses energy and the rhythmic breathing keeps me in the present. Connecting to something larger than myself through prayer and meditation.
Thank you.
Focusing on the breath and capturing stillness in the present moment of mindfulness to remember RAIN
Practicing self compassion with loving kind words “fear is self imposed suffering “
Anachronym for
Fear F: false E: evidence A:appearing R: real
Instead of avoiding the fear, because it’s so painful, I try to breathe with the anxious feelings and fully experience them in my body. I also try to follow Susan Jeffer’s advice to ‘feel the fear and do it anyway’ (whatever that may be).
Thank you, Tara, for all your help.
formulation of a smile while facing the activity that provokes fear stimulates the vagus nerve and helps to get through the fear barrier. I have received great feedback from my clients who practiced it.
Feeling the support and holding of others, the great privilege of listening to the story of others, and feeling/being connected to my body through my breath and movement.
It’s not easy, discerning between fear and irritation, I’ve been practicing yoga for a long time, and I’ve learned to observe, perceive, feel my body, my emotions, and feelings, I’m very grateful for having let yoga come into my life and today it’s part of it. of all my being, it was and continues to be a daily challenge to overcome, but every day it becomes easier and softer to face this fear, and transform it into strength, changing, and balance.
I find peace in the fields and forests but sometimes when I’m really anxious , I have to force myself to leave the house and just walk. And when my mind wants me to turn back and go home I say to myself -“just keep going a little more” and after maybe repeating this phrase a few times when I think I want to go home, I begin to open up to the world around me and then there I am in the present, in the peace and beauty of the natural world.
As I was listening I was flooded with reminders of my childhood. I was an angry explosive child ( fight ) then in my teenage years I became chronically depressed (flight). I have always carried a lot of shame and guilt around this. Today I was able to open to the possibility that I was just fearful as a child and I experienced a sense of grief for my younger self. I felt that I was able to comfort my younger self and say to her that it’s not your fault. Sigh. Maybe I will face the fear another dayz 🙏
Thankyou Tara
Thank you for this. Acceptance is my main tool for fear. I read your book Radical Acceptance about 4 years ago. My then 26 year old daughter said ” Mom I found this amazing women on the Internet. You should listen to her!”
After reading the book acceptance began popping up everywhere. Stilling my mind before I begin the processes of relaxing myself into acceptance allows understanding of my reaction and movement towards peaceful contentment. Jack Kornfield has a short 5 minute mediation on Equanimity on the web and it is often my go when worry starts to impact my mind.
Thank you so much for this video with ideas clearly presented. It is so good to be reminded again of things one knows but lets go out of mind. To answer your question: at the moment, when I am afraid I usually pray to the divine spirit of the universe to help me to be strong to accept what I can’t change and to show me what I can do to make a change. For instant calming I take some deep breaths.
What helps me face fear is exactly as you say … invite it in and have a cup of tea with it, and see what it has to offer. to allow it. And as Elizabeth Gilbert says … you are allowed to ride with me but not to drive. Also the breathing … and affirmation “Access the place from within that is unshaken”
Thank you for your soothing words and reminders.
I appreciate your wise words and making this video and your generosity in sharing with all of us. Seek to understand myself by recognizing what I am feeling then journaling about my fear, also expressing it to my sister, partner or a friend. Breathing and taking a pause moment then taking a small (bite size step forward towards that fear.
a cognitive approach: asking in how far this fear is justified, in terms of consequences, how these consequences could be avoided by a behaviour and/or how this fear could be faced by acting while experiencing it and also while protecting oneself
I am a 43 year old female and have come to the realization of how fearful I am. My thoughts feelings actions and reactions are primarily fear based. It is imprisoning as well as detrimental.
Thanks Tara
I’m currently working on fear of flying
I’m using Tapping, homoeopathy, along with listening to your podcast.
I’ll be flying to Sydney in a few weeks.
Of course the fear will be present
But as you say
No longer in control!!
RAIN helps
Thank you
Paula South Australia
Tara,thanks so much for your fine programs.I am not a psycho-analist an d with your help I hope to become a better me.I have learned much since I first found your programs.Thank You. John Koehler
acknowledging and feeling the fear, staying with it and embracing it, allowing it to be there but not letting it stop me from doing what needs to be done, not staying stuck or attached to it and moving forward despite of it, staying present in the here and now and evaluating the reason for it with rational thought and mindful attention, assuring myself or the other that this feeling will pass, when we realize there is no real danger present in the here and now.
Staying connected to both my interior and outer world, grounding, and ultimately recognizing and allowing it to be a wave in tbe ocean. (Also not letting it drive the bus.)
Sitting and acknowledging my discomfort or fear or doing RAIN really helps .
Also
Committing to persistent action , going out my comfort zone really helps.
A regular morning physical workout also helps hugely
I’m grateful for the very clear steps that Tara lays out for what to do with my fear. It seems like very easy and sensible steps to take. But one must remember to practice and to in train. Thank you. I am grateful for you Tara.
I go back to your 1st book, time and time again, ,
Presence, in a story, about the child in a restaurant, being noticed by her waitress, giving her order, and the comments of the little one saying “she thinks I am real”, really helped me understand so much about,
pretty much everything, hugely impacted on so much, including fear,
I do Emotional Freedom Technique (tapping) every morning, working on what I am anticipating to be possible difficult situations I will be meeting that day. Eft is and has been very helpful for me and for my clients when I was a practicing LCSW…and…I have a physical condition…Essential Tremor…which effects my hands, my head, and my balance. The ONLY time that no part of my body is tremoring is when my whole body is supported by chair, or bed and pillows. EFT does NOT stop tremor. MANY elderly and not so elderly people have tremors of various kinds and parts of the body and consequently are in almost constant anxiety. BUT IT IS NEVER ADDRESSED by ANYONE in the alternative medicine arena, and ALL of the traditional medicine “answers” are awful. It is also often not diagnosed by primary care docs or psychologists I am telling you this so you know it exists. There are a lot of us out here! Thank You!
Much of my fear is triggered from severe trauma as a child. I use breathing, self soothing, and when I calm enough, I can recognize that there is no current threat and I am safe. I am not always successful and end up “down the rabbit hole” and it can disable me for days.
Excellent. Interested in the training around chronic anxiety
Using your RAIN method helps. breathing, talking to my inner child. meditation, paying attention to my dreams and dream journaling
Learning to be more curious about my fear. Learning the importance of leaning in and feeling gentle towards it, Learning the origins and the burdens, finding what needs to be released and renewed/updated. Along with what is connected from historical or cultural trauma burdens vs what is directly from my experiences.
Empathy and compassion for myself has helped.
I love you Tara! What helps me face fear is dancing with it, literally. And being with people I love and connect with. Also I pray by imagining all of the people who love me holding me up.
Being in the present through meditation practice and reminding myself of the many times I worried about something coming true and it never did. I do still struggle and it is a process. Though I am doing better.
For years since I was a child I felt fearful and anxious and worried about everything – how I looked, if I was fat. or if I had to interview for a new job, or becoming a mother. I didn’t have too many coping mechanisms. Now at 56, I am happy. I think exercise, having good connections with good people or family, and definitely for me, my faith in God to give me strength and peace when I worry about trying new things has helped me immensely. Also, becoming a mother at 38 helped as I no longer felt self-conscious. Being a divorced mom raising a child alone, she is now 18 and going to a great college and is a kind person. I also am a home health aide and bring joy to sick people and seniors. Almost all of my new patients and their families and even their dogs, like me. All these things free me of fears. ( though a few new ones pop up now and then)
yoga nidra, tonglen, pranayama, IFS
grounding and centreing, and gently gaining courage to tolerate difficult emotions
I work in substance use and my clients are terrified of facing their fears. They’re so easily triggered by any discussion around their own traumas.
For years since I was a child I felt fearful and anxious and worried about everything – how I looked, if I was fat. or if I had to interview for a new job, or becoming a mother. I didn’t have too many coping mechanisms. Now at 56, I am happy. I think exercise, having good connections with good people or family, and definitely for me, my faith in God to give me strength and peace when I worry about trying new things has helped me immensely. Also, becoming a mother at 38 helped as I no longer felt self-conscious. Being a divorced mom raising a child alone, she is now 18 and going to a great college and is a kind person. I also am a home health aide and bring joy to sick people and seniors. Almost all of my new patients and their families and even their dogs, like me. All these things free me of fears. ( though a few new ones pop up now and then).
Thank-you Tara – your talks are wonderful levellers as you speak in a clear and very accessible way. Fear has been on my shoulder since early childhood (I am now nearly 78yrs); after many years of yoga practice & psychotherapy, I found the Buddha’s teaching of mindfulness meditation. Fear had me gripped in a cycle of self-loathe and disharmony with others – I was diagnosed with asthma and depression. Staying with the Buddha study and a daily practice, has paid off – more especially a strong focus on the breath and breathing. Now, I feel positivity around ageing (am enjoying the aging process through acceptance), and an awareness of feeling in control of me, which has allowed me (almost!) to ‘befriend’ anxiety and fear – still working on it! Louise
Knowing I’m not alone; having my strength reflected back to me through friends or family or a therapist, or the signs of God.
Reminders like these that fear is a friend but does not need to pilot us; that we’re large enough to contain it and leave room for other gifts.
I play with my dog and try to remind myself that if I relax and so right by people and if I have joy in my life that things will likely go smoother.
Didn’t even realize how much fear I had until you hearing you frame it this way. Also made me realize how fear tortured people I’ve known and itakes so much sense.
The unconscious collective fear that isn’t recognized is something I have been thinking about for a long time. So much work to be done. I’m thinking it could take the form of collective mindfulness workshops and discussions. Seems like meditating on one’s own can only take one so far. And therapists are still fairly isolated. Some kind of socially engaged activity, group work and play could be good. Guattari probably had some thoughts on this too. I should revisit.
Maybe you have some knowledge in this area too? Anyone have recommendations for further research?
Anyway, thank you so much! I listen to you often. Your voice is very needed.
I find moving energy that accompanies my fear is helpful. Swimming laps disperses energy and the rhythmic breathing keeps me in the present. Connecting to something larger than myself through prayer and meditation.
Thank you.
Befriending challenging emotions of fear through acceptance and non-resistance
Practicing Mindful Self Compassion and Loving-Kindness
Being willing to experience the intensity, remind myself that “I love and accept myself”. Tapping is a GREAT tool.
Self compassion
Focusing on the breath and capturing stillness in the present moment of mindfulness to remember RAIN
Practicing self compassion with loving kind words “fear is self imposed suffering “
Anachronym for
Fear F: false E: evidence A:appearing R: real
going for a walk, near nature, and while there, taking some big breaths, that helps. Then I need to tell myself, it will be okay.
Talking about it to a safe and trusted other.
Breathing, smiling, and listening to you, so thanks for all the reminders
Instead of avoiding the fear, because it’s so painful, I try to breathe with the anxious feelings and fully experience them in my body. I also try to follow Susan Jeffer’s advice to ‘feel the fear and do it anyway’ (whatever that may be).
Thank you, Tara, for all your help.
meditation with sacred Tarot, tree of life, cube of space, color and sound, Journaling.
formulation of a smile while facing the activity that provokes fear stimulates the vagus nerve and helps to get through the fear barrier. I have received great feedback from my clients who practiced it.
Feeling the support and holding of others, the great privilege of listening to the story of others, and feeling/being connected to my body through my breath and movement.
Refocusing on the present.
It’s not easy, discerning between fear and irritation, I’ve been practicing yoga for a long time, and I’ve learned to observe, perceive, feel my body, my emotions, and feelings, I’m very grateful for having let yoga come into my life and today it’s part of it. of all my being, it was and continues to be a daily challenge to overcome, but every day it becomes easier and softer to face this fear, and transform it into strength, changing, and balance.
Gilda Marjoze
sat nam
I find peace in the fields and forests but sometimes when I’m really anxious , I have to force myself to leave the house and just walk. And when my mind wants me to turn back and go home I say to myself -“just keep going a little more” and after maybe repeating this phrase a few times when I think I want to go home, I begin to open up to the world around me and then there I am in the present, in the peace and beauty of the natural world.
As I was listening I was flooded with reminders of my childhood. I was an angry explosive child ( fight ) then in my teenage years I became chronically depressed (flight). I have always carried a lot of shame and guilt around this. Today I was able to open to the possibility that I was just fearful as a child and I experienced a sense of grief for my younger self. I felt that I was able to comfort my younger self and say to her that it’s not your fault. Sigh. Maybe I will face the fear another dayz 🙏
Thankyou Tara
Tara,
Thank you for this. Acceptance is my main tool for fear. I read your book Radical Acceptance about 4 years ago. My then 26 year old daughter said ” Mom I found this amazing women on the Internet. You should listen to her!”
After reading the book acceptance began popping up everywhere. Stilling my mind before I begin the processes of relaxing myself into acceptance allows understanding of my reaction and movement towards peaceful contentment. Jack Kornfield has a short 5 minute mediation on Equanimity on the web and it is often my go when worry starts to impact my mind.
With Gratitude
Thank you so much for this video with ideas clearly presented. It is so good to be reminded again of things one knows but lets go out of mind. To answer your question: at the moment, when I am afraid I usually pray to the divine spirit of the universe to help me to be strong to accept what I can’t change and to show me what I can do to make a change. For instant calming I take some deep breaths.
What helps me face fear is exactly as you say … invite it in and have a cup of tea with it, and see what it has to offer. to allow it. And as Elizabeth Gilbert says … you are allowed to ride with me but not to drive. Also the breathing … and affirmation “Access the place from within that is unshaken”
Thank you for your soothing words and reminders.
I appreciate your wise words and making this video and your generosity in sharing with all of us. Seek to understand myself by recognizing what I am feeling then journaling about my fear, also expressing it to my sister, partner or a friend. Breathing and taking a pause moment then taking a small (bite size step forward towards that fear.
One thing is building trust in themselves & others
Breathing techniques and the knowledge that it is temporary.
a cognitive approach: asking in how far this fear is justified, in terms of consequences, how these consequences could be avoided by a behaviour and/or how this fear could be faced by acting while experiencing it and also while protecting oneself
I am a 43 year old female and have come to the realization of how fearful I am. My thoughts feelings actions and reactions are primarily fear based. It is imprisoning as well as detrimental.
Thanks Tara
I’m currently working on fear of flying
I’m using Tapping, homoeopathy, along with listening to your podcast.
I’ll be flying to Sydney in a few weeks.
Of course the fear will be present
But as you say
No longer in control!!
RAIN helps
Thank you
Paula South Australia
The idea of impermanence, the knowledge that nothing is going to stay forever but constantly changing.
Tara,thanks so much for your fine programs.I am not a psycho-analist an d with your help I hope to become a better me.I have learned much since I first found your programs.Thank You. John Koehler
acknowledging and feeling the fear, staying with it and embracing it, allowing it to be there but not letting it stop me from doing what needs to be done, not staying stuck or attached to it and moving forward despite of it, staying present in the here and now and evaluating the reason for it with rational thought and mindful attention, assuring myself or the other that this feeling will pass, when we realize there is no real danger present in the here and now.
Staying connected to both my interior and outer world, grounding, and ultimately recognizing and allowing it to be a wave in tbe ocean. (Also not letting it drive the bus.)
Sitting and acknowledging my discomfort or fear or doing RAIN really helps .
Also
Committing to persistent action , going out my comfort zone really helps.
A regular morning physical workout also helps hugely
I’m grateful for the very clear steps that Tara lays out for what to do with my fear. It seems like very easy and sensible steps to take. But one must remember to practice and to in train. Thank you. I am grateful for you Tara.
Thank you.
I go back to your 1st book, time and time again, ,
Presence, in a story, about the child in a restaurant, being noticed by her waitress, giving her order, and the comments of the little one saying “she thinks I am real”, really helped me understand so much about,
pretty much everything, hugely impacted on so much, including fear,
Dear Tara
Thank you so much.
Love from others
I do Emotional Freedom Technique (tapping) every morning, working on what I am anticipating to be possible difficult situations I will be meeting that day. Eft is and has been very helpful for me and for my clients when I was a practicing LCSW…and…I have a physical condition…Essential Tremor…which effects my hands, my head, and my balance. The ONLY time that no part of my body is tremoring is when my whole body is supported by chair, or bed and pillows. EFT does NOT stop tremor. MANY elderly and not so elderly people have tremors of various kinds and parts of the body and consequently are in almost constant anxiety. BUT IT IS NEVER ADDRESSED by ANYONE in the alternative medicine arena, and ALL of the traditional medicine “answers” are awful. It is also often not diagnosed by primary care docs or psychologists I am telling you this so you know it exists. There are a lot of us out here! Thank You!