Most of my clients are unaware that it is fear that drives the other negative emotions. So, awareness (insight) first seems to give some relief. Then it is followed by a willingness to use mindfulness tactics (grounding, breathing) and viewing negative cognitions as inaccurate thoughts.
Trying to identify what it is I’m afraid of and not running away from the feeling. Then trying to face it. It’s a new process for me, so trying to figure it all out still.
Tara has transformed my practice. I’ve read True Refuge 3 times. I use Rain for everything. I also teach my clients to do belly breathing another great tool from t the tool box. Thank you for this free educational piece????
Lately, because of the training and practice – feeling where it is in my body. Then reminding myself, repeatedly, that what I fear happening may not happen – is not necessarily true. Often what helps most is to get up and move – walk or do yoga.
After learning the evolutionary, neurobiology of fear and the entire Affect System as identified by Dr. Silvan S. Tomkins (www.tomkins.org), I shared this knowledge with my highly anxioys clients to normalize & validate their fear responses to end their shaming of themselves for being “weak & pathetic scaredy cats”. Then, I use and teach mindful breathing & awareness to activate a parasympathetic response to self soothe & calm the fear reaction. Clients improve quickly with this approach of staying with the body through mindful awareness so that conscious responsiveness replaces fearful reactivity.
I have been working with the RAIN practice I was introduced to by you and Jack Kornfield. Attending and befriending has been such a helpful intention. Sometimes when triggered by my husband the fear can feel so big and my strategies to “fix it” tend to be my default, but RAIN has given me a tool to be with myself after I breath deeply and my nervous system has calmed down.
Fear often comes in when we are comparing ourselves and feel inadequate. We forget to trust our connectedness and meaningful place in the world. We have been conditioned to measure ourselves in this competitive world by our accomplishments or by others accomplishments instead of realizing our journey cannot be compared, and that our unique circumstances may have contributed to this sense of “not enough”, and that our untapped abilities though not manifested fully are still within us and must be remembered, respected and honored and to hope that even in our later years of life we still have the chance for blossoming into our full self expression.
I face fear by slowly observing it, and then responding by saying something beneficial, out loud, to myself. I think of this exercise or action as the “loving mother” I never had. I might say I am smart, looking in the mirror, or praise myself for hard work. It sets a tone of acceptance for me for the day!
I was in a abusive relationship with a narcissist for 15 years I lived in constant fear of what his next move was going to be. This caused me to be untrusting of all people. I have been out of that relationship for three years and have been slowly learning to trust people again. This has been very hard for me and I would love feedback on how to overcome my fear of people,places and situations that I was groomed to not trust by this person. Thank you
Firstly can I say thank you so much Tara. I’m 54 and have spent a lifetime finding ways to deal with (or get rid of) cronic anxiety FEAR. I was introduced to your podcasts Tara and they have helped to transform my life. Fear can be crippling I know for me it was and still can be but today with your help I’m learning to be mindful and STAYing with it when I can. You know Tara when it gets overwhelming and I want to run (flight) I hear your voice saying STAY and more and more I can and ask what it wants and I soothe myself with with Loving Kindness in place of the critical mind. And yes we need fear I understand that it helps us to. Another good thing I learned was the analogy of fear
F.E.A.R
Feck Everything And Run. (Flight)
Face Everything And Recover
Not easy but with mindfulness and great guides like yourself we have a great chance to live with Love and Joy ?
..understanding that it’s ok to feel agitation when choosing to face fear. It’s as though your body tried to initially work against our choice, but will eventually become our aide. Fear may still rear its head but it doesn’t dominate us.
My wake up came while watching HBO series, The Newsroom when the protagonist, Will McAvoy (played by Jeff Daniels) says,”… I’m too old to have my life ruled by the fears of stupid people.”
There’s alot of energy there !!
But my question is, how to help young children, 4-9 deal with fears that seem to, quickly, lay the neuropattern for chronic anxiety.
observing it…stepping away…being curious…talking about it in case I cant identify it because I am too close to it…paying attention to strong emotions…writing…meditation…deep breathing….reading..staying out of judgement….listening to things like this talk.
Great talk! Very helpful. Recently, I have made friends with my fears. Using your RAIN technique, I sit with my fears and we talk. I offer compassion. We discuss the exact nature of the fear and I let the fear know it is OK. That we will be OK. It works. I recognize It is a relationship, fear and me, it’s not perfect and it is not going away, but if I practice compassion and listen to what fear needs, we heal and get moments, even hours, where we peacefully coexist. We get better. Thank you for your wisdom and love.
Ralph P.
Germantown, MD
Sitting quietly and breathing deeply. I remind myself that the feelings are real, yet the thoughts are not true. I tell myself that I am safe and all is well.
Thank you Tara.
Bowen Therapy developed by Tom Bowen in Australia is an amazing healing technique that takes clients out of fight and flight and relaxes their entire being enabling them to address their fears and more importantly talk about them.
The Emotion Code and Body Code work of Dr. Brad Nelson also enables us to work with our clients sub-conscious to release situations that clients have buried deeply, stressful situations that until released continue to harm their bodies and minds.
Thank you again, Ann
Certified Bowen Therapy Practitioner
Certified Emotion Code Practitioner
I am learning that it takes patience and tenderness. I sort of sense a tender internal mother-like quality that can patiently, gently be with the fear. At times the fear comes up and is felt and disappates, other times it feels overwhelming and I consciously stuff it back down (not yet applying the mother-like prescence to those moments) and still other times I just get a glimpse of it before it gets hidden again. I’m now just noticing these patterns and how the experience of different every time. Some times the fear feels like deep grief, other times like tender vulnerability. Approaching it like an exploration is helpful right now. Also, being okay if I wasn’t able to face it every time it comes, but trusting that my capacity to face it is growing and being patient with that.
breathing practices with awareness helps calm the mind and nervous system. As you said facing your fear and breathing into it allows fear to break apart. It is not solid, its an energy.
Please add Yoga Therapy to your list of profession as it is not well known but extremely powerful. You do not need to know yoga to see a Yoga Therapist.
Excellent! My greatest passion is learning how the brain works in terms of evolution (I was an elementary teacher for many years, and my main goal was to ensure students felt safe and were outside of the reptilian brain (where I existed throughout all my schooling). Now, I am certified in vipassana meditation and I started a small business, and even though I’m meditating and practicing mindfulness (and practice RAIN), I’m hiding and not fully putting myself out there yet. Something just clicked while listening to this lesson…Thank you so much!
Fantastic Tara. I love how you manage to normalise emotions by explaining evolutionary roots. This is a great way of removing blame and related emotions like shame that can arise when we experience fear, anxiety etc and feel as if we shouldn’t. Thanks.
Saying the fear out loud (“I am afraid of…” ) and then saying “And I love that”. And acknowledging that it is usually some old program trying to keep my safe. Then recognizing that I am probably not really in any “danger” right now. The challenge is to interrupt the pattern of fear when it arises. “Anxiety…I see you..what are you trying to tell me?”
Great presentation and so very true. I engage my clients with acceptance of fear, noticing it and then transforming the feeling into faith. I see this with parents and children, couples, individuals – I discuss the difference between fear that is useful and fear that is paralyzing. I ask them to recognize how their body feels when fear is present, writing the sensations, emotion and thoughts that have brought them to this state. I also use tapping to release the emotional energy that is trapped in the body. Thanks for your presentation. Loved it!!
My Buddhist practice has helped me enormously – my daily meditations, and I do know of Lama Tsultrim’s ‘Feeding the Demons’.
As a counsellor I always try to provide a safe environment, where all emotions are welcome. It is this welcoming that gives my clients the courage to hear out loud their fears. As I am able to tolerate their fears, so the client begins to be able to do so too.
Stopping…really stopping, becoming present and mentally stepping away from whatever I’m in fear of at that time….then looking at it from afar to understand it to form a plan of resolution.
What helps me face fear is to again and again let myself feel it. Not so much feel it in my body, but to really feel the fear as it is and then to slowly allow more of my body to contain it.
Personally, I first challenge myself to assess if fear is appropriate for this particular issue- usually not- but if so, I analyze & break down risk factors & decide if & how I should proceed (I recommend & work with pts to do so with me…i call it “right-sizing fear”). I’ve learned that much of fear comes from false beliefs & warped expectations & the best way is to challange its veracity & move through the fear & see it as the illusion it was. I’ve written a book about it called ,” Cracked Open : Reflections on the Transformative Power of Failure , Fear , & Doubt “.
I use the windows with my clients; you have one huge window that helps you see out to drive and you have one small rear view mirror. When looking in the rear view mirror, that is your fear/your past and we try to focus on the front window, so you can take a chance and keep moving forward in your recovery. We also use breathing and positive self affirmation.
Walking daily and talking about feelings with friends definitely helps. Knowing it’s part of the human condition and can’t be avoided.
Thank you for the video
Thanks, Tara, for this talk about fear and it’s cultural origins.
I used to have dreams where someone was chasing me and I would wake up really scared of being caught and clobbered. I shared one of these dreams with a friend; she said she had similar experiences, and told me she had taught herself to stop, turn around and face the chaser – a simple act, yet one that took tremendous courage. Once she faced her fear (the chaser), she said it no longer held power over her.
I decided to try this. I was surprised to find that Just holding the intention to stop and turn around was enough to influence my dreams. Amazingly, when I faced my chaser, he stopped chasing me. I was able to stand there before him, and eventually ask what he wanted. I don’t remember any particular dialogue; just the image of me face to face with my chaser. That was enough to dispell his power over me. Over time, taking this first step has enabled me to develop a practice of pausing, naming the fear (or any other emotion) and dealing with my feelings in general in a much healthier way. B2
-Bringing the fear to light by naming it, talking, sharing, writing, praying.. being honest and open
– realizing where it’s coming from and the desire to be free.
-Being aware of consequences and reality of our human condition as well as our choices
– being still
This topic is a huge interest to me at this time! I am using yoga, breathwork and mindfulness to face my fear. I did not recognize or understand why I had so much anxiety and fear. The first step was being willing to find a different way besides trying to control everything and everyone in my life to act in accordance to what made me happy which of course was not working. Once I let go, the healing help started to show up. This video is an example! Thank you!
When I just do what I am frozen or fearful of doing
Most of my clients are unaware that it is fear that drives the other negative emotions. So, awareness (insight) first seems to give some relief. Then it is followed by a willingness to use mindfulness tactics (grounding, breathing) and viewing negative cognitions as inaccurate thoughts.
Trying to identify what it is I’m afraid of and not running away from the feeling. Then trying to face it. It’s a new process for me, so trying to figure it all out still.
Centering/grounding. Rationale. Mindfulness. Prayer. Meditation.
I do find it helps to sit quietly and breathe.
Excellent
Fear = false evidence appearing real
Change
So Useful, thank you 🙂
Tara has transformed my practice. I’ve read True Refuge 3 times. I use Rain for everything. I also teach my clients to do belly breathing another great tool from t the tool box. Thank you for this free educational piece????
Lately, because of the training and practice – feeling where it is in my body. Then reminding myself, repeatedly, that what I fear happening may not happen – is not necessarily true. Often what helps most is to get up and move – walk or do yoga.
After learning the evolutionary, neurobiology of fear and the entire Affect System as identified by Dr. Silvan S. Tomkins (www.tomkins.org), I shared this knowledge with my highly anxioys clients to normalize & validate their fear responses to end their shaming of themselves for being “weak & pathetic scaredy cats”. Then, I use and teach mindful breathing & awareness to activate a parasympathetic response to self soothe & calm the fear reaction. Clients improve quickly with this approach of staying with the body through mindful awareness so that conscious responsiveness replaces fearful reactivity.
I have been working with the RAIN practice I was introduced to by you and Jack Kornfield. Attending and befriending has been such a helpful intention. Sometimes when triggered by my husband the fear can feel so big and my strategies to “fix it” tend to be my default, but RAIN has given me a tool to be with myself after I breath deeply and my nervous system has calmed down.
Convincing informative talk
Fear often comes in when we are comparing ourselves and feel inadequate. We forget to trust our connectedness and meaningful place in the world. We have been conditioned to measure ourselves in this competitive world by our accomplishments or by others accomplishments instead of realizing our journey cannot be compared, and that our unique circumstances may have contributed to this sense of “not enough”, and that our untapped abilities though not manifested fully are still within us and must be remembered, respected and honored and to hope that even in our later years of life we still have the chance for blossoming into our full self expression.
I face fear by slowly observing it, and then responding by saying something beneficial, out loud, to myself. I think of this exercise or action as the “loving mother” I never had. I might say I am smart, looking in the mirror, or praise myself for hard work. It sets a tone of acceptance for me for the day!
I was in a abusive relationship with a narcissist for 15 years I lived in constant fear of what his next move was going to be. This caused me to be untrusting of all people. I have been out of that relationship for three years and have been slowly learning to trust people again. This has been very hard for me and I would love feedback on how to overcome my fear of people,places and situations that I was groomed to not trust by this person. Thank you
Breathing with mindfulness.
Firstly can I say thank you so much Tara. I’m 54 and have spent a lifetime finding ways to deal with (or get rid of) cronic anxiety FEAR. I was introduced to your podcasts Tara and they have helped to transform my life. Fear can be crippling I know for me it was and still can be but today with your help I’m learning to be mindful and STAYing with it when I can. You know Tara when it gets overwhelming and I want to run (flight) I hear your voice saying STAY and more and more I can and ask what it wants and I soothe myself with with Loving Kindness in place of the critical mind. And yes we need fear I understand that it helps us to. Another good thing I learned was the analogy of fear
F.E.A.R
Feck Everything And Run. (Flight)
Face Everything And Recover
Not easy but with mindfulness and great guides like yourself we have a great chance to live with Love and Joy ?
..understanding that it’s ok to feel agitation when choosing to face fear. It’s as though your body tried to initially work against our choice, but will eventually become our aide. Fear may still rear its head but it doesn’t dominate us.
My wake up came while watching HBO series, The Newsroom when the protagonist, Will McAvoy (played by Jeff Daniels) says,”… I’m too old to have my life ruled by the fears of stupid people.”
There’s alot of energy there !!
But my question is, how to help young children, 4-9 deal with fears that seem to, quickly, lay the neuropattern for chronic anxiety.
observing it…stepping away…being curious…talking about it in case I cant identify it because I am too close to it…paying attention to strong emotions…writing…meditation…deep breathing….reading..staying out of judgement….listening to things like this talk.
Great talk! Very helpful. Recently, I have made friends with my fears. Using your RAIN technique, I sit with my fears and we talk. I offer compassion. We discuss the exact nature of the fear and I let the fear know it is OK. That we will be OK. It works. I recognize It is a relationship, fear and me, it’s not perfect and it is not going away, but if I practice compassion and listen to what fear needs, we heal and get moments, even hours, where we peacefully coexist. We get better. Thank you for your wisdom and love.
Ralph P.
Germantown, MD
Sitting quietly and breathing deeply. I remind myself that the feelings are real, yet the thoughts are not true. I tell myself that I am safe and all is well.
Thank you Tara.
Bowen Therapy developed by Tom Bowen in Australia is an amazing healing technique that takes clients out of fight and flight and relaxes their entire being enabling them to address their fears and more importantly talk about them.
The Emotion Code and Body Code work of Dr. Brad Nelson also enables us to work with our clients sub-conscious to release situations that clients have buried deeply, stressful situations that until released continue to harm their bodies and minds.
Thank you again, Ann
Certified Bowen Therapy Practitioner
Certified Emotion Code Practitioner
I either run at it full speed or deny it all together, depending on the situation.
I am learning that it takes patience and tenderness. I sort of sense a tender internal mother-like quality that can patiently, gently be with the fear. At times the fear comes up and is felt and disappates, other times it feels overwhelming and I consciously stuff it back down (not yet applying the mother-like prescence to those moments) and still other times I just get a glimpse of it before it gets hidden again. I’m now just noticing these patterns and how the experience of different every time. Some times the fear feels like deep grief, other times like tender vulnerability. Approaching it like an exploration is helpful right now. Also, being okay if I wasn’t able to face it every time it comes, but trusting that my capacity to face it is growing and being patient with that.
breathing practices with awareness helps calm the mind and nervous system. As you said facing your fear and breathing into it allows fear to break apart. It is not solid, its an energy.
Please add Yoga Therapy to your list of profession as it is not well known but extremely powerful. You do not need to know yoga to see a Yoga Therapist.
I love the practice of nonviolent communication. The art of using our feelings to point to what our life might be calling for In This Moment
The walking into it… facing it & doing it, with time gets easier
Excellent! My greatest passion is learning how the brain works in terms of evolution (I was an elementary teacher for many years, and my main goal was to ensure students felt safe and were outside of the reptilian brain (where I existed throughout all my schooling). Now, I am certified in vipassana meditation and I started a small business, and even though I’m meditating and practicing mindfulness (and practice RAIN), I’m hiding and not fully putting myself out there yet. Something just clicked while listening to this lesson…Thank you so much!
Fantastic Tara. I love how you manage to normalise emotions by explaining evolutionary roots. This is a great way of removing blame and related emotions like shame that can arise when we experience fear, anxiety etc and feel as if we shouldn’t. Thanks.
Saying the fear out loud (“I am afraid of…” ) and then saying “And I love that”. And acknowledging that it is usually some old program trying to keep my safe. Then recognizing that I am probably not really in any “danger” right now. The challenge is to interrupt the pattern of fear when it arises. “Anxiety…I see you..what are you trying to tell me?”
Great presentation and so very true. I engage my clients with acceptance of fear, noticing it and then transforming the feeling into faith. I see this with parents and children, couples, individuals – I discuss the difference between fear that is useful and fear that is paralyzing. I ask them to recognize how their body feels when fear is present, writing the sensations, emotion and thoughts that have brought them to this state. I also use tapping to release the emotional energy that is trapped in the body. Thanks for your presentation. Loved it!!
Knowing that confronting our fears help us manage them and working through situations instead of avoiding them.
Doing things I am fearful of…facing my fear (where possible) and overcoming it.
My Buddhist practice has helped me enormously – my daily meditations, and I do know of Lama Tsultrim’s ‘Feeding the Demons’.
As a counsellor I always try to provide a safe environment, where all emotions are welcome. It is this welcoming that gives my clients the courage to hear out loud their fears. As I am able to tolerate their fears, so the client begins to be able to do so too.
Stopping…really stopping, becoming present and mentally stepping away from whatever I’m in fear of at that time….then looking at it from afar to understand it to form a plan of resolution.
What helps me face fear is to again and again let myself feel it. Not so much feel it in my body, but to really feel the fear as it is and then to slowly allow more of my body to contain it.
Personally, I first challenge myself to assess if fear is appropriate for this particular issue- usually not- but if so, I analyze & break down risk factors & decide if & how I should proceed (I recommend & work with pts to do so with me…i call it “right-sizing fear”). I’ve learned that much of fear comes from false beliefs & warped expectations & the best way is to challange its veracity & move through the fear & see it as the illusion it was. I’ve written a book about it called ,” Cracked Open : Reflections on the Transformative Power of Failure , Fear , & Doubt “.
Mindful breathing and tapping meditations.
I use the windows with my clients; you have one huge window that helps you see out to drive and you have one small rear view mirror. When looking in the rear view mirror, that is your fear/your past and we try to focus on the front window, so you can take a chance and keep moving forward in your recovery. We also use breathing and positive self affirmation.
Breathing into the fear,giving myself space to be the observer , treating myself with kindness
Stopping and asking myself what I’m feeling and how things are making me feel and then asking whether it’s true or not.
Listening and kindness
Walking daily and talking about feelings with friends definitely helps. Knowing it’s part of the human condition and can’t be avoided.
Thank you for the video
Affirmation : I am guided, supported, and protected. I have what I need when I need it.
Thanks, Tara, for this talk about fear and it’s cultural origins.
I used to have dreams where someone was chasing me and I would wake up really scared of being caught and clobbered. I shared one of these dreams with a friend; she said she had similar experiences, and told me she had taught herself to stop, turn around and face the chaser – a simple act, yet one that took tremendous courage. Once she faced her fear (the chaser), she said it no longer held power over her.
I decided to try this. I was surprised to find that Just holding the intention to stop and turn around was enough to influence my dreams. Amazingly, when I faced my chaser, he stopped chasing me. I was able to stand there before him, and eventually ask what he wanted. I don’t remember any particular dialogue; just the image of me face to face with my chaser. That was enough to dispell his power over me. Over time, taking this first step has enabled me to develop a practice of pausing, naming the fear (or any other emotion) and dealing with my feelings in general in a much healthier way. B2
Be mindful of it, nurture it, be positive and let it go.
-Bringing the fear to light by naming it, talking, sharing, writing, praying.. being honest and open
– realizing where it’s coming from and the desire to be free.
-Being aware of consequences and reality of our human condition as well as our choices
– being still
This topic is a huge interest to me at this time! I am using yoga, breathwork and mindfulness to face my fear. I did not recognize or understand why I had so much anxiety and fear. The first step was being willing to find a different way besides trying to control everything and everyone in my life to act in accordance to what made me happy which of course was not working. Once I let go, the healing help started to show up. This video is an example! Thank you!