These are simple, excellent descriptions related to facing fear and anxiety. The steps are congruent with the work of Eugene Gendlin called Focusing. His work is now carried on by Ann Weiser Cornell described in The Power of Focusing, and on the website, Focusing Resources.
Elaine Isakson, Social Work, Rockland, ME, USAsays
This is a worthwhile take on fear. Some people do have reason to be fearful a lot of the time, but I think you’re addressing those who are reacting unnecessarily and are stuck in the fear.
Thank you for these wonderful videos. I think a big take-away for me is realizing that fear of failure is often a huge reason people get stuck in life, and underlying that is fear of rejection. The idea. of speaking compassionately into the underlying causes is new to me.
Mark Schade, Physical Therapy, St. Louis, MO, USAsays
Being aware that I’m feeling anxious or fearful. I try to feel the fear in my body and do a short meditation with a focus on breathing. I have memorized a few short statements (Rumi) that I say to myself to help loosen the grip of fear: “Why do you stay in prison when the door is so wide open? Move outside the tangle of fear thinking.” This helps me get in touch with how the fear feels in my body.
what helps me face fear is a voice telling me : do what you have to do even if you have to die because its no big deal !
and of course breathing with it !
thank you
Aline
Key is finding that inner survivor conviction and belief that there is a way through. Then the gumption to do whatever it takes to face the roots of fear and progress toward a more peaceful life. A trust relationship with a therapist as guide is critical.
Embrace your fear first and don’t push it away because you can’t let go of what you don’t own in the first place. Thank the fear for trying to protect you before allowing it to leave, change shape, or become something more friendly.
I do have some degree of fear of not stepping out In the world but also playing small my fear comes out in jobs a lot which one to take and worrying if i will I be able to do the job fearing is it the right job for me i would have to step out of my comfort zone
I’m a lawyer. I used to suffer immense anxiety and fear every time I had to stand up and speak in court. I learnt to talk to myself and cheer myself along, as I stood up and started speaking. I would internally acknowledge that despite how gripped by fear I was, that I was still going… and how truly heroic that was in the moment (that I kept going, kept trying, never gave up). I would cheer myself on with certain words. I was able to harness the fear and hold it up to be seen and respond to it with deepening self respect. With time I’ve been able to see also that others would be responding in the same way – that if they could see my fear (the judge, others in room) and see my battling on and eventually triumphing they probably be feeling nothing but compassion and then respect. It’s been a lifelong thing and I still use these tools often.
Grounding onseself, connecting with nature and others in the community; and cultivating present-centredness with breathwork and meditative practices. Thank you for sharing your wisdom.
What helps me and clients face fear is resilience. Developing awareness and clarity of our fear, accepting what is the root of our fear, adjusting attitudes and reactions to our fear, being willing to take challenges, practicing radical acceptance(what we can and cannot change/control in our lives; and taking action.
Elizabeth O’Neal, Another Field, Rehoboth, MA, USAsays
I find bringing awareness to the body and acknowledging presence of anxiety and fear really helps in the moment. Then remembering to breathe and to bring in loving kindness “it’s ok, darling, I’m here for you”, relaxing my shoulders, eyes, etc. also helps me stay more present and in my body. I am a practitioner seeking to stay present, connected and engaged in midst of these challenging times. Thank you for all of your support and helpful teaching.
Kathleen Florance, Other, North Falmouth, MA, USAsays
Your insightful presentations and courses, including your recent 10-DDay Radical Compassion Challenge with presenters, have infused me with on-going ideas regarding the words and language we use to talk to ourselves. As certain words spoken in the past and continue into the present persist with negative power arousing fear and destabilization, scouting out possible synonyms has been helpful through expanding cognitive flexibility. I am ever so grateful for all of your wisdom, guidance, and grace filled endeavors on our behalf.
I appreciate the framing of fear in this most helpful way. My clients are exhibiting more fear today than I have seen in years. I am very interested in learning how to help them face fear with more tolerance. Thank you!
I have no çlients’as such though I am a retired CofE priest and have had the priviledge and challenge of being with others in Fear/Anxiety
My faith/sense of self-worth has and continues to be so important
The importance of tribe … a support network, can’t be underscored enough to help people practice these activities or share their experiences in doing so. A safe space beyond the therapist setting, with one person or a community.
Community is essential, cultivating relationships outside of your family is necessary. As a woman living with a lifetime disability, my parents were horrified because I was no longer “perfect”, in their eyes. Support is key.
First I had to evaluate what had me so fearful of the future for my children. I worried that they would not make positive life decisions and that their drinking had but them at risk of negative encounters with police or poor driving decisions. Then I can to the realization that they are adults and that I must trust them to live their own lives and i have made sure they know the difference between right and wrong behavior. I also set up an urber account that if out and drinking they ca use to not drive. But, mainly I have been protected and blessed by GOD! I did not know if they would be as fortunate. But, it really came down to an issue of trust and respect. They are grown and i have no control over their life decisions and they are smart, beautiful and loving adults. So, treat them as such and release my fear of poor decision making and focus on ME making good decisions.
As always Tara provides such helpful information and tips. From listening, I learned the difference between fear and anxiety and how to work with each. These talks have been a good reminder for me to go back to RAIN and refresh the practice. Although I learned and practiced with “thoughts are real but not true” ….. in the middle of anxiety I forget. Also forget that all is impermanent. Great reminders.
Melody Johnson, Another Field, New London, NH, USAsays
I have always told myself, “You can do this” in traveling by myself to distant lands or starting a new program in college. It is not this way for everything though.
Sarah Ford, Health Education, Lakeville, CT, USAsays
For me personally, what helps me face fear is being able to realize that it’s there– by naming it. Before that moment, a few things have to happen: I may sense that something is off, or that I’m in a whirlwind of energy. I then sense in what way I’m not connected to myself. (Vipassana meditation has been very helpful in noticing what is happening in my body and to just come back into my body.) Once that connection back to my body and the present moment has happened, I have the opportunity to identify that what I am experiencing is fear.
I work at a domestic violence agency and I may share this series with the advocates who work directly with a variety of clients.
Seeing my clients receive the encouragement I give has helped tremendously. Because they have had few people in their life cheer them on and support them through a particularly hard time gives them a sense of empowerment to keep going.
What helps me face my fear is my faith in the One and always telling myself “I only get one shot on this earthly plain so why not go for it.”
For my clients I just remind them there is just 1° of separation between fear and bravery. Your future self will thank you for taking that step to being brave or confident.
What helps me: a strong intention to heal and faith that it’s possible, from seeing others who’ve succeeded – the Buddha Dharma Sangha. when I am having a flashback, the thing that helps me the most is Buddhist chanting. It concentrates the mind on something else that’s positive and loving and it’s something that I can do during that time. It also involves the body and sound and is beautiful. (But I suppose, unless you were a Buddhist, this would probably not be as helpful.) I would imagine that anything similar that involves the body, like dancing movement walking, running speaking out loud maybe we’re singing, might help in a similar way. It helps me to feel some agency and presence and be embodied rather than disassociated.
Approaching my fearful with kindness and with humour sometimes… speaking to that scared little girl lovingly… I find that putting my arm around her and having a giggle together helps me to lighten up and put things in perspective.
Joe Caparco, Another Field, Charlestown , RI, USAsays
Trying to offer compassion to myself is a bit hard. I believe it is engraved in my mind from childhood experiences. Fear is present, but I never thought how I felt unworthy of love and life until hearing these talks.
I wish I could just be happy with my life, as the questions is asked…”who would you be without these thoughts”
When my fears escalate and I find myself building walls, stuck & panicked- I find breathing mindfully focuses me, reconnects myself to what’s going on & I can slowly emerge from the grip of fear.
Takes practice. Intention to breathe. I have found that it works every time.
I am so sorry That the accompanying music disturbs and disrupts my ability to listen openly
My stress level escalates triggered by the music
I really wish to listen to TARA .. but I have to STOP
These are simple, excellent descriptions related to facing fear and anxiety. The steps are congruent with the work of Eugene Gendlin called Focusing. His work is now carried on by Ann Weiser Cornell described in The Power of Focusing, and on the website, Focusing Resources.
This is a worthwhile take on fear. Some people do have reason to be fearful a lot of the time, but I think you’re addressing those who are reacting unnecessarily and are stuck in the fear.
Thank you for these wonderful videos. I think a big take-away for me is realizing that fear of failure is often a huge reason people get stuck in life, and underlying that is fear of rejection. The idea. of speaking compassionately into the underlying causes is new to me.
The phrase real but not true
Being aware that I’m feeling anxious or fearful. I try to feel the fear in my body and do a short meditation with a focus on breathing. I have memorized a few short statements (Rumi) that I say to myself to help loosen the grip of fear: “Why do you stay in prison when the door is so wide open? Move outside the tangle of fear thinking.” This helps me get in touch with how the fear feels in my body.
what helps me face fear is a voice telling me : do what you have to do even if you have to die because its no big deal !
and of course breathing with it !
thank you
Aline
Knowing they’re not alone with their fear.
And also, not responding to themselves in the way they were responded to as a child when afraid.
Amazing!
I enjoyed watching the videos. I find them very useful for my life and as I help others face fear
Learning to sit with it and examine the facets that are part of the fear, then intentionally address those parts where a positive choice can be made.
Key is finding that inner survivor conviction and belief that there is a way through. Then the gumption to do whatever it takes to face the roots of fear and progress toward a more peaceful life. A trust relationship with a therapist as guide is critical.
For me, the phrases that help me are: It’s okay to feel it now; I’m with you and I love you.
Embrace your fear first and don’t push it away because you can’t let go of what you don’t own in the first place. Thank the fear for trying to protect you before allowing it to leave, change shape, or become something more friendly.
I do have some degree of fear of not stepping out In the world but also playing small my fear comes out in jobs a lot which one to take and worrying if i will I be able to do the job fearing is it the right job for me i would have to step out of my comfort zone
Be kind to one’s self address the fear and allow oneself to be in control
It helps for me to repeat the phrase to myself ‘you are welcome here’
I’m a lawyer. I used to suffer immense anxiety and fear every time I had to stand up and speak in court. I learnt to talk to myself and cheer myself along, as I stood up and started speaking. I would internally acknowledge that despite how gripped by fear I was, that I was still going… and how truly heroic that was in the moment (that I kept going, kept trying, never gave up). I would cheer myself on with certain words. I was able to harness the fear and hold it up to be seen and respond to it with deepening self respect. With time I’ve been able to see also that others would be responding in the same way – that if they could see my fear (the judge, others in room) and see my battling on and eventually triumphing they probably be feeling nothing but compassion and then respect. It’s been a lifelong thing and I still use these tools often.
Grounding onseself, connecting with nature and others in the community; and cultivating present-centredness with breathwork and meditative practices. Thank you for sharing your wisdom.
What helps me and clients face fear is resilience. Developing awareness and clarity of our fear, accepting what is the root of our fear, adjusting attitudes and reactions to our fear, being willing to take challenges, practicing radical acceptance(what we can and cannot change/control in our lives; and taking action.
These are such powerful videos I am wondering if you could not leave them up for longer?
I would really like to be able to watch them again.
I am anxious to learn more. The statements are so simple but so hard for people to incorporate into their consciousness.
Such helpful insights. Thank you.
Wonderful videos but they stop frequently as it’s buffering, almost impossible to watch. I have very good internet connection.
I find bringing awareness to the body and acknowledging presence of anxiety and fear really helps in the moment. Then remembering to breathe and to bring in loving kindness “it’s ok, darling, I’m here for you”, relaxing my shoulders, eyes, etc. also helps me stay more present and in my body. I am a practitioner seeking to stay present, connected and engaged in midst of these challenging times. Thank you for all of your support and helpful teaching.
Slowing things down and moving at my own pace.
Your insightful presentations and courses, including your recent 10-DDay Radical Compassion Challenge with presenters, have infused me with on-going ideas regarding the words and language we use to talk to ourselves. As certain words spoken in the past and continue into the present persist with negative power arousing fear and destabilization, scouting out possible synonyms has been helpful through expanding cognitive flexibility. I am ever so grateful for all of your wisdom, guidance, and grace filled endeavors on our behalf.
I find that breathwork can help regulate fear. Its easy to apply when in a situation such as a meeting and my heart starts racing
I appreciate the framing of fear in this most helpful way. My clients are exhibiting more fear today than I have seen in years. I am very interested in learning how to help them face fear with more tolerance. Thank you!
I have no çlients’as such though I am a retired CofE priest and have had the priviledge and challenge of being with others in Fear/Anxiety
My faith/sense of self-worth has and continues to be so important
I find your RAIN technique very helpful in facing fear and other intrusive thoughts and feelings.
Thank you for the wise guidance Tara, and offering tools to lead a better life
Belief in a higher power
Thank you for sharing this valuable information. It makes sense and gives a framework on how to process and heal.
The importance of tribe … a support network, can’t be underscored enough to help people practice these activities or share their experiences in doing so. A safe space beyond the therapist setting, with one person or a community.
Community is essential, cultivating relationships outside of your family is necessary. As a woman living with a lifetime disability, my parents were horrified because I was no longer “perfect”, in their eyes. Support is key.
First I had to evaluate what had me so fearful of the future for my children. I worried that they would not make positive life decisions and that their drinking had but them at risk of negative encounters with police or poor driving decisions. Then I can to the realization that they are adults and that I must trust them to live their own lives and i have made sure they know the difference between right and wrong behavior. I also set up an urber account that if out and drinking they ca use to not drive. But, mainly I have been protected and blessed by GOD! I did not know if they would be as fortunate. But, it really came down to an issue of trust and respect. They are grown and i have no control over their life decisions and they are smart, beautiful and loving adults. So, treat them as such and release my fear of poor decision making and focus on ME making good decisions.
As always Tara provides such helpful information and tips. From listening, I learned the difference between fear and anxiety and how to work with each. These talks have been a good reminder for me to go back to RAIN and refresh the practice. Although I learned and practiced with “thoughts are real but not true” ….. in the middle of anxiety I forget. Also forget that all is impermanent. Great reminders.
I love the phrase “real but not true”.
I have always told myself, “You can do this” in traveling by myself to distant lands or starting a new program in college. It is not this way for everything though.
For me personally, what helps me face fear is being able to realize that it’s there– by naming it. Before that moment, a few things have to happen: I may sense that something is off, or that I’m in a whirlwind of energy. I then sense in what way I’m not connected to myself. (Vipassana meditation has been very helpful in noticing what is happening in my body and to just come back into my body.) Once that connection back to my body and the present moment has happened, I have the opportunity to identify that what I am experiencing is fear.
I work at a domestic violence agency and I may share this series with the advocates who work directly with a variety of clients.
Seeing my clients receive the encouragement I give has helped tremendously. Because they have had few people in their life cheer them on and support them through a particularly hard time gives them a sense of empowerment to keep going.
What helps me face my fear is my faith in the One and always telling myself “I only get one shot on this earthly plain so why not go for it.”
For my clients I just remind them there is just 1° of separation between fear and bravery. Your future self will thank you for taking that step to being brave or confident.
Thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to learn more from Tara. Her teachings are very helpful for me in my process.
What helps me: a strong intention to heal and faith that it’s possible, from seeing others who’ve succeeded – the Buddha Dharma Sangha. when I am having a flashback, the thing that helps me the most is Buddhist chanting. It concentrates the mind on something else that’s positive and loving and it’s something that I can do during that time. It also involves the body and sound and is beautiful. (But I suppose, unless you were a Buddhist, this would probably not be as helpful.) I would imagine that anything similar that involves the body, like dancing movement walking, running speaking out loud maybe we’re singing, might help in a similar way. It helps me to feel some agency and presence and be embodied rather than disassociated.
I truly appreciate Tara’s teachings. Thank you for your generous gifts that benefit us all.
Approaching my fearful with kindness and with humour sometimes… speaking to that scared little girl lovingly… I find that putting my arm around her and having a giggle together helps me to lighten up and put things in perspective.
Trying to offer compassion to myself is a bit hard. I believe it is engraved in my mind from childhood experiences. Fear is present, but I never thought how I felt unworthy of love and life until hearing these talks.
I wish I could just be happy with my life, as the questions is asked…”who would you be without these thoughts”
When my fears escalate and I find myself building walls, stuck & panicked- I find breathing mindfully focuses me, reconnects myself to what’s going on & I can slowly emerge from the grip of fear.
Takes practice. Intention to breathe. I have found that it works every time.
Breathing deeply and focusing on calming my mind by listening to silence and concentrating on my inner body.
I am so sorry That the accompanying music disturbs and disrupts my ability to listen openly
My stress level escalates triggered by the music
I really wish to listen to TARA .. but I have to STOP
Becoming curious about the source of the fear and exploring ways to be in the moment and settle obsessive over thinking.