Worry is something I grew up with. It was mandatory in my family, and I am increasingly aware of how destructive it is. Thank you for sharing a way to disentangle from its grip. I appreciate your acknowledgement that the way out is not available as a quick, easy fix, but it takes practice. Thank you
It is really helpful to be reminded that worrying can be addictive. I would like to better understand why, but in the meantime it is also really helpful to have a roadmap for reducing the harmful effects of worrying. I am a climate justice advocate and activist, and it is very difficult not to get caught up in worrying. The worrying is “justified,” but it is not particularly useful, and I have seen how it can actually hold me back from being effective in my work. Thanks for this and I look forward to Part 3!
Rather than worry about failure, how about recognising that “failures” are inevitable steps towards all successes, and the only real failure is the failure to participate and have a go at achieving what you want. Go for it, Sandra the artist – and if you enjoy the process no-one can judge that you have “failed” x
My anxiety reached such a high level that I could barely function. The physical manifestations were extreme: stress incontinence, overall weakness ( I normally feel physically strong), pounding heart, etc.
Meditation has helped me so much that I feel asifvi have recoveredfrom serious illness -and infact I guess I have!
My addiction to worry often leads to and feeds off of My perfectionism (another kind of looping). It leads to procrastination – when I feel that something I have to do will not be good enough; that I will not be good enough. It leads to feelings of shame, which often lead to and feed off of My depression (more loops).
With nearly two decades of practice, I have gained a great deal of control over my anxious thoughts. It’s definitely not perfect, as I’ve come to learn is true of everything. And I’ve also learned that I can accept, with compassion, that I will continue to have anxious thoughts, that I am not perfect, and that I Am Good Enough; that I Am Enough. And I now believe this more often than not. I know (and often, but not always, remember) that I will survive the dreaded imagined futures that my mind conjures up.
I grew up with a mother who was anxious. The message I was given throughout my life was that the world was dangerous and people were not to be trusted. This in turn creating a belief in myself that I wouldn’t be capable of coping should any stress arise in my life. It’s been the hardest part of working through my anxiety; erasing the conditioned thoughts that all is not ok.
Addiction to worry feels like a built in program that keeps going on. I seem to be always vigilant scouting what could be coming to attack me
or where is my next mistake coming from? Theres a need to be protected at all times
When my husband wqs diagnosed with a terminal disease, a counselor told me that I was experiencing “anticipatory grief” because I KNEW that in spite of efforts I made to KEEP him, the disease would EVENTUALLY WIN! It DID! But before it did, I tried to “tear a new one” out of the god or gods [whoever ordained such a terrible and inhuman consequence for a guy who “wore a white hat” and helped everyone wherever he was!] SHOCKING! And, as was the case, BEFORE he died, I had to comfort, care for, distract from the waves of pain and reality he [and therefore, I] faced. KNOWING and ANTICIPATING what he would have to get through as disease ravaged his body and, once or twice momentarily, his spirit was a lesson to me in BOTH immediate threat-handling and anticipatory handling of death and loss. For the four years we worked to get for him (via complex operations and chemo/radiation even treatments not yet AMA-approved) we bumbled and stumbled forward through a day at a time. I had grown up learning to do things like “tread water” when a rowboat or sailboat tipped over, so I talked to him (as well as to myself) about “treading water until the lifeboat came.” I really can’t say that it changed anything in his life for the BETTER but I FELT it was maybe the ONLY thing in my “repertoire” that I could use to FORTIFY us both to Keep On Keeping On. Perhaps I could stay strong for HIM because he NEVER thought his disease was a terrible mistake on some Higher Power’s part. I ASKED, “WHY YOU???” And he answered, “Why NOT me?” and BLEW ME AWAY! (I could never look at him after that as anything less valuable than a diamond in the rough MORE BEAUTIFUL than the jewelry of the crowned heads of this world. Million-carat was too small!) Just saying!
Kristen Dakota Henderson, Other, Louisa, VA, VA, USAsays
I do indeed see my own addiction to worry, and am grateful for my friends and colleagues who support me in my ongoing battle with this addiction, by reminding me to check in with myself. My mindfulness practice is key here. I use notes to myself to remind myself at various times during the day, between appointments and activities, to check in with my thoughts and body sensations. Thank you for this advice about how to organize and present these ideas.
What I have learned is that worrying usually only makes me feel bad. I have accepted whatever happens, I will survive! And maybe more importantly, why worry about a worst case scenario when we can switch it up and replace that with a best case scenario. Self fulfilling prophecy at its best – when we choose the possibility of positive!
Fantastic video informative and helpful for clients . I remember realising I myself was addicted to worry many years ago – never saw it mentioned until this video . Mindfulness of those old thoughts, physical sensations and kindness to oneself is powerful .
Molly Wolf, Another Field, Georgetown, TX, USAsays
Thank you. I am unemployed and looking for work and with no responses to my applications I have become very, very worried. It can be non-stop or just trying to figure what I am doing wrong when I am very powerless over this situation. Ugh.
Alain S, Stress Management, San Diego, CA, USAsays
A worried mind is a ‘labyrinth of fear’ that prevents us from reaching our full potential.
It is a serious condition, so I use self-hypnosis, deep breathing, mindfulness, aromatherapy and say short prayers throughout the day/night to replace the worry habit with something more helpful to me.
If you look up past examples of “labyrinths” – like the one the Minotaur was said to inhabit, what makes a “labyrinth” so tricky to navigate is the MANY dead-ends and places that SEEM to be outlets or actual “on the path forwards” but AREN’T. Some use “bread-crumbs” or “string” in case they need to backtrack but maybe the best way to avoid loss in a labyrinth is to let alert senses speak to you/me. n The fellow named “Fortunato” who, in an Edgar Allan Poe story [The Cask of Amontillado”] let the party atmosphere above ground in the city lure him into the labyrinth where the narrator had prepared a no-escape end for his not-so-fortunato ass! It happens in THIS day and age and probably will throughout whatever Time humanity is granted because some unsavory folks wanted my automobile and used trickery to obtain it. I LOST though I fought to retain what was mine. In 12-step programs, a loss like this is explained as: “Some days You get the Bear; some days the Bear gets You!”
Ongoing learning (lifelong, as you indicate by your age) is surely a sign that you have the willingness and courage to change the habits or behaviours you choose. I wish you strength on your pathway to keep moving forward.
many of my clients have these kinds of worry habits, generalized anxiety. i notice, that mindfullness and self-compassion help them, but if it already has been going on for years and decades, it is a long way to build a new habbit and must/ should be trained seriously… Thank you so much for your loving presence and work! 🙏
Sonja – gift shops used to sell a sign in Pig Latin that read: “ILLIGITIMI NON CARBORUNDUM” that translated in fine print to say: “Don’t let the bastards wear you down!” LOL….
I like to call it “The Chicken Little” syndrome. I’ve seen patients who are anxious and tend to be negative about their ability to heal as a result. Redirection is very difficult but needed in order to reduce chronic inflammation and elevated cortisol levels. Helping them to focus on things they can control and using guided imagery is a good first step. No easy, but good.
Josephine Josephine Navarro, Teacher, Bay Shore, NY, USAsays
Just knowing that we can be addicted to worry is an eye opener. Also, knowing that whatever fear we have just wants to be heard helps us to know that we can take charge of our reactions and allow that fear to be in a compassionate way. I have students, family members and friends who would certainly benefit from this insightful message. My heartfelt thanks, Tara.
Mark Twain is SO right. I get anxious in anticipation so that I feel prepared to deal with whatever arises, and this talk awakens me to the fact that not all anxiety is necessary and I should use filters. Thank you!
I worry about my parents who are in their 90s. I worry about some key relationships in my life. I worry about my ability to heal my cancer with alternative strategies. The worry creates stress that compromises my immune system, that impacts my relationships, my sense of peace and joy. I’m working to change this mental/emotional pattern of worry, which has been by my side, and inside, for decades. Arriba y adelante …
TB ishere such a calming, reasonable presence and her offerings here ring authentic and helpful. I particularly like “what do I need now to comfort myself” (paraphrasing). Thank You
I don’t think the concept of addiction has the right fit for this issue. I don’t think people get ‘hooked’ on worry thoughts. It is a neurological mind-body loop which can be seen as arising from efforts to cope. I think it is more encouraging to frame this as an attempted coping strategy which may be amenable to a different approach. In my opinion this is less blaming and more likely to open the door to change.
I hear what you say Sue, it is very true that one can easily feel blamed for one’ in-adaptive reactions to things (especially by people who are not maladapted to the same thing!).
MMMM maybe the word “addiction” is not quite right, it is as you say very laden… how about habit? inclination? fetish, even maybe, sometimes?
There is something both liberating and scary about admitting that the thing I flee from is also the thing I depend on? I find that the thing I pay most attention to when I am anxious is often the feeling of anxiety itself and not the (for example) practical actions I might take around the anxiety-issue. So I do wonder if the adrenalin and cortisol might serve some purpose for me? As Freud might have it, what I do pay attention to is a guide to what I am avoiding paying attention to. The here and now? An inability to feel? A memory of abandonment?
You are quite right however; there is no point in seeing anxiety (or any other adaptive technique) as something t be ashamed of or to get rid of. It will not work and also, maybe, it might lead us astray, or to miss an opportunity for growth. What, I wonder might be “interesting” in my anxiety? What is it saying to me? What is it telling me about my past and my reactive conditioning? I (after so many years trying) am only beginning in my late 50’s to have the courage to dialogue with my insecurities, not combat nor flee from them.
This is maybe similar Taras’s “sitting with the feeling”?
When dealing with this topic, language shoul be carefully selected. Words like harmful, damaging (first video) can be reviewed. The messages of the series should be empowering. Besides that, Tara is a great companion and teacher.
Hi Sue, I do agree with you & comments by David A McIlroy despite not having been able to view current videos – I am contributing by past access to issues plus the personal.
Terminology, Language, Tone… as in any aspect of life are open to commonality & sensitivity & misinterpretation & more.
For example – the term ‘mental health’ too often is taken at face value that the person has some ‘mental illness or disorder’, is a deficit or danger to themselves, those close to them &/or society – a being less than & too often treated as such – even by professionals!
I realised I react to the terminology as well that so much is ‘in the head’, an ‘addiction’ to gain attention or get a high &/or excuse for victimhood & more..
Life experiences, concurrence & sustained loading of adversity either from one direction or multiples upon a person contributes to burnout, loss of resilience, vitality, life force energy….
Even occasionally such has impact upon a person, imagine this in continuum.
Until Decades ago – experiencing the loss of a loved one, a child or spouse…, those brutalised through war was respected as melancholia / heart break / sorrow… situations for empathy & compassion at the least.
Now it’s Post natal depression, PTSD, even grief are classified as ‘Mental Illnesses’. And primarily only the affected person’s onus for their demise, due to some ‘inadequacies’ of theirs’.
The impact of adversity is also upon the heart & soul, physically & physiologically.
There is little adrenaline gratification here.
Apologies to all if too detailed.
Thankyou Wanda
As an artist I struggle with the idea of exhibiting my artwork and it not being received well..
This can keep me from starting or finishing an artwork I was inspired to create.
beautifully simple and empowering. my own personal message of self-compassion is “this, too, shall pass” as I breathe into the body discomfort. very powerful
I have a 30 year old client who is reluctantly facing confirmation of a separation. This has triggered previous anxiety. It is helpful to me to conceptualise his condition as an addiction to anxiety because I understand the power of the anxiety story. I had considered a narrative reauthoring of his anxiety story to one based on the strength of bring single dad. I doubt he can wait for counter conditioning to his anxiety to work. How long will it take and what is the probability it will work! How to does he find a powerful enough motivation that he is compelled to go through with it? I have serious doubts about behaviouralism’s solutions. There are non currently effective? What is the word for a plausible story that is untrue?
Anxiety has dogged me for most of my life. Partly it is a genetic inheritance and partly I think the impact of contemporary, urban life…. Sometimes it feels as stress is s become the default of our species? Of course now climate anxiety adds to the cumulative psychological stress… rendered more difficult as neither fight NOR flight seem viable options…. Meditation, yoga and conversation have been my support systems. Talking is a therapy with untold benefits-also physical – when carried out in a compassionate setting with an attentive listener. A friend. A counsellor. Even, at times, the dialogue one might have with a deity or a diary?
Thank you. I find that my addictive cycle of anxiety can be so all consuming, and one of the outcomes of that is alienation from others. I become so involved in my thoughts that I find myself feeling isolated and alone. This video, and other talks by Tara, leave me feeling understood and accompanied, which is such a gift. As a psychologist this is what I would seek to give also to my clients, a sense of not being alone in experience.
I am listening to /watching this with great personal interest as I have had a fearful and anxious orientation much of my life a long time as I am now 75. That pairing has made me very effective in some things many of my some vocations and has underpinned and driven a lot of my accomplishments. Yes,I have a teaching and supervisory relationship with other practitioners, and will bring this to them, but I think finding an sustainable way with these two for myself is the main opportuity of these teachings for me.
I am aware that I need to become more aware of my bodily responses. One thing that has been a great help to me is becoming a Laughter Yoga leader, now beginning my 12th year as a volunteer weekly community group leader. I also have been a daily dowser for 30 years, though I find that if I weren’t so independent, I could be asking lots more questions that would stop doubts and worries much more quickly. I have also found that sharing with others, even if it’s something upsetting, embarrassing or scary, rather that just “positive stuff” is equally helpful. I have also found that responding to another’s explanation of a problem with a response that includes a feeling, and is “laid out” rather than “laid on” is less scary when I remember that I can be wrong, and that my “wrong” feedback can lead them to express, perhaps for the first time, what they see as more accurate. It’s a win-win situation I don’t have to fear.
One of my good friends has been diagnosed with a terminal disease. Understandably she experiences great anxiety as she tries to wrap her head around all that is unknown about what is going on in her body, why this is happening to her and what she can do to manage day to day. We talk about mindfulness and how we never really know what will happen next. We share experiences we have had and the realization that neither of us can ever accurately predict what will happen next. And we renew our intentions to live each moment as it comes and trust that we have what we most need right now.
Your “good friend” HAS a “good friend: in YOU on my opinion! Fortune put you together or SLT but it has “turned up the soil” as farmers do before planting a crop, knowing that “prepared land” has “higher yields.” I wish you both a rich Harvest Home!
Ironically right before you said the next clip was on self-doubt, I was noticing thoughts that were questioning if I would be able to succeed with this practice or if this was too habitual for me. Such insightful presence. Thank you Tara and Ruth!
Criticism by older authority figures in childhood l drove the very senstive child in me to a scared place. Recovering worry addict I have become. One day at a time.
I recognize that worry for me is an attempt to control. It robs me of the present moment. I like that you said we can still be prepared intellectually to a scary event without worry. It feels like it helps me to prepare for the event when in actuality, it just drains my energy, but even with that knowledge it’s hard to break the habit. I will try the three steps. I’m pretty good with the first two steps but never thought to give myself compassion. Thank you Tara.
I experienced it as a old and out-dated, past-conditioned thought that is no longer useful to me now in my life that I am now choosing to let go of once and for all going forward.
I noticed my addiction to worry in my thirties when I felt unacceptable to my mother-in-law or to my boss or colleagues. Twenty years later it was thoroughly a habit when worrying about a new stormy relationship. It worstened during covid when I felt abandoned by my adult sons. I wake in the night and spend an hour or two inventing outrageous things to worry about. I realize that I cast about looking for something to worry about
My anxiety manifests as high blood pressure and I have been unable to control this anxiety without medication that has undesirable side fx. In fact one of the medications I have used for a few years can actually cause heart attacks! And I did have a heart attack last November. I now have 2 stents in two of my coronary arteries and, while the procedure wasn’t too bad, the medication I was recommended to take had all sorts of really undesirable side fx. A powerful blood thinner caused unpleasant bruising tin my hands and legs until at one point a slight knock on my foot caused the whole foot to turn blue. Because of this I was allowed to come off that blood thinner six months earlier than I was originally told I could. I had hoped the stents would help reduce my blood pressure, but that hasn’t happened and I became disillusioned with the pharmaceutical regime and replaced all the meds with natural remedies. I also avoided taking my BP because I knew that if it was high, I’d go into a spiral of worry. That’s what happened today when I took my BP for the first time in a long time. It was really high. So now I’m back on meds that I don’t like and my anxiety levels are higher than ever. So I’m here in the hope that these steps can help. So far I am finding a little hope, but the proof is in the practice, of course. With thanx.
A kid who felt an anxious something coming on would do what kids in the country used to do: find a mud puddle and splatter and splash in every direction, or find a hay mow with bales of hay to jump on and roll down from the highest point in the mow to the floor. Or baking a cake and making the attendant mess! Odd as those “inconsequentials” seem, they DO CONTRIBUTE some sort of “steam vent” for pressures I can’t seem to escape. Finding an appropriate action in the moment is like having that “jiggler” thing on a pressure cooker lid. The WORST can escape if I find me an OUTLET. Hope this isn’t too crazy-sounding. For reasons I haven’t figured out yet, I don’t always follow my own advice. Haha, that defines “dumb-nut” for sure!
I understand looping. I have known I am moving back to the east coast for a year now…and every day am thinking (worrying) about the upcoming move. I toss and turn at night. When worry, my blood pressure goes up, my arthritic knee swells, then I worry about THOSE things. How can I prepare for this move with a painful knee?, then BP goes higher.
I have been a meditator for YEARS and practice mindfulness, it helps while it helps, then I get caught up in the loop again. I keep having to catching myself.
I have had SO many major things (losses) happen in my life in the last two years and now with this move…I am really trying to keep perspective. This videos is helpful. And I will put the three steps into practice. Actually, just listening to YOU talk helps me!!!
I don’t remember a time im my life where there was not fear or ansiety.
I mean, when I was a child I developed control and defense mecanisms that suposely pretected me from treats, but these mecanisms also “prevented” me of beem conected whit life, afeccion and relantioships in general.
So now I’m 50 and It is the first time that I have the opportunity to get inside these esquemes.
Thaks for these insights.
Very helpfull.
Thank you Tara for the clarity, simplicity and Lightness in your teaching.
Fear and anxiety can be/seem complex, complicated and heavy full of potential ‘rabbit holes’.
Worry as a habit is helpful. Your 3 step process is easy to share and remember when in the grip of anxiety. After practicing it, more agency and thus, choice, is available
Worry is something I grew up with. It was mandatory in my family, and I am increasingly aware of how destructive it is. Thank you for sharing a way to disentangle from its grip. I appreciate your acknowledgement that the way out is not available as a quick, easy fix, but it takes practice. Thank you
It is really helpful to be reminded that worrying can be addictive. I would like to better understand why, but in the meantime it is also really helpful to have a roadmap for reducing the harmful effects of worrying. I am a climate justice advocate and activist, and it is very difficult not to get caught up in worrying. The worrying is “justified,” but it is not particularly useful, and I have seen how it can actually hold me back from being effective in my work. Thanks for this and I look forward to Part 3!
OMG, story of my life. Yes, this makes sense. Thank you and I will try it. 🙂
Once again, an excellent presentation by Dr. T. Brach on the subject matter pre- sented. Ronald Klein, PhD, ABPP/Psychologist
Rather than worry about failure, how about recognising that “failures” are inevitable steps towards all successes, and the only real failure is the failure to participate and have a go at achieving what you want. Go for it, Sandra the artist – and if you enjoy the process no-one can judge that you have “failed” x
My anxiety reached such a high level that I could barely function. The physical manifestations were extreme: stress incontinence, overall weakness ( I normally feel physically strong), pounding heart, etc.
Meditation has helped me so much that I feel asifvi have recoveredfrom serious illness -and infact I guess I have!
My addiction to worry often leads to and feeds off of My perfectionism (another kind of looping). It leads to procrastination – when I feel that something I have to do will not be good enough; that I will not be good enough. It leads to feelings of shame, which often lead to and feed off of My depression (more loops).
With nearly two decades of practice, I have gained a great deal of control over my anxious thoughts. It’s definitely not perfect, as I’ve come to learn is true of everything. And I’ve also learned that I can accept, with compassion, that I will continue to have anxious thoughts, that I am not perfect, and that I Am Good Enough; that I Am Enough. And I now believe this more often than not. I know (and often, but not always, remember) that I will survive the dreaded imagined futures that my mind conjures up.
I grew up with a mother who was anxious. The message I was given throughout my life was that the world was dangerous and people were not to be trusted. This in turn creating a belief in myself that I wouldn’t be capable of coping should any stress arise in my life. It’s been the hardest part of working through my anxiety; erasing the conditioned thoughts that all is not ok.
Addiction to worry feels like a built in program that keeps going on. I seem to be always vigilant scouting what could be coming to attack me
or where is my next mistake coming from? Theres a need to be protected at all times
When my husband wqs diagnosed with a terminal disease, a counselor told me that I was experiencing “anticipatory grief” because I KNEW that in spite of efforts I made to KEEP him, the disease would EVENTUALLY WIN! It DID! But before it did, I tried to “tear a new one” out of the god or gods [whoever ordained such a terrible and inhuman consequence for a guy who “wore a white hat” and helped everyone wherever he was!] SHOCKING! And, as was the case, BEFORE he died, I had to comfort, care for, distract from the waves of pain and reality he [and therefore, I] faced. KNOWING and ANTICIPATING what he would have to get through as disease ravaged his body and, once or twice momentarily, his spirit was a lesson to me in BOTH immediate threat-handling and anticipatory handling of death and loss. For the four years we worked to get for him (via complex operations and chemo/radiation even treatments not yet AMA-approved) we bumbled and stumbled forward through a day at a time. I had grown up learning to do things like “tread water” when a rowboat or sailboat tipped over, so I talked to him (as well as to myself) about “treading water until the lifeboat came.” I really can’t say that it changed anything in his life for the BETTER but I FELT it was maybe the ONLY thing in my “repertoire” that I could use to FORTIFY us both to Keep On Keeping On. Perhaps I could stay strong for HIM because he NEVER thought his disease was a terrible mistake on some Higher Power’s part. I ASKED, “WHY YOU???” And he answered, “Why NOT me?” and BLEW ME AWAY! (I could never look at him after that as anything less valuable than a diamond in the rough MORE BEAUTIFUL than the jewelry of the crowned heads of this world. Million-carat was too small!) Just saying!
A beautiful sharing. Thank you.
I do indeed see my own addiction to worry, and am grateful for my friends and colleagues who support me in my ongoing battle with this addiction, by reminding me to check in with myself. My mindfulness practice is key here. I use notes to myself to remind myself at various times during the day, between appointments and activities, to check in with my thoughts and body sensations. Thank you for this advice about how to organize and present these ideas.
What I have learned is that worrying usually only makes me feel bad. I have accepted whatever happens, I will survive! And maybe more importantly, why worry about a worst case scenario when we can switch it up and replace that with a best case scenario. Self fulfilling prophecy at its best – when we choose the possibility of positive!
Superb
Fantastic video informative and helpful for clients . I remember realising I myself was addicted to worry many years ago – never saw it mentioned until this video . Mindfulness of those old thoughts, physical sensations and kindness to oneself is powerful .
Thank you. I am unemployed and looking for work and with no responses to my applications I have become very, very worried. It can be non-stop or just trying to figure what I am doing wrong when I am very powerless over this situation. Ugh.
A worried mind is a ‘labyrinth of fear’ that prevents us from reaching our full potential.
It is a serious condition, so I use self-hypnosis, deep breathing, mindfulness, aromatherapy and say short prayers throughout the day/night to replace the worry habit with something more helpful to me.
If you look up past examples of “labyrinths” – like the one the Minotaur was said to inhabit, what makes a “labyrinth” so tricky to navigate is the MANY dead-ends and places that SEEM to be outlets or actual “on the path forwards” but AREN’T. Some use “bread-crumbs” or “string” in case they need to backtrack but maybe the best way to avoid loss in a labyrinth is to let alert senses speak to you/me. n The fellow named “Fortunato” who, in an Edgar Allan Poe story [The Cask of Amontillado”] let the party atmosphere above ground in the city lure him into the labyrinth where the narrator had prepared a no-escape end for his not-so-fortunato ass! It happens in THIS day and age and probably will throughout whatever Time humanity is granted because some unsavory folks wanted my automobile and used trickery to obtain it. I LOST though I fought to retain what was mine. In 12-step programs, a loss like this is explained as: “Some days You get the Bear; some days the Bear gets You!”
I have had worries about the future and usually they’re wrapped up in self-doubt. I worry that I am too old (75) to break these patterns.
Ongoing learning (lifelong, as you indicate by your age) is surely a sign that you have the willingness and courage to change the habits or behaviours you choose. I wish you strength on your pathway to keep moving forward.
many of my clients have these kinds of worry habits, generalized anxiety. i notice, that mindfullness and self-compassion help them, but if it already has been going on for years and decades, it is a long way to build a new habbit and must/ should be trained seriously… Thank you so much for your loving presence and work! 🙏
Sonja – gift shops used to sell a sign in Pig Latin that read: “ILLIGITIMI NON CARBORUNDUM” that translated in fine print to say: “Don’t let the bastards wear you down!” LOL….
I like to call it “The Chicken Little” syndrome. I’ve seen patients who are anxious and tend to be negative about their ability to heal as a result. Redirection is very difficult but needed in order to reduce chronic inflammation and elevated cortisol levels. Helping them to focus on things they can control and using guided imagery is a good first step. No easy, but good.
Just knowing that we can be addicted to worry is an eye opener. Also, knowing that whatever fear we have just wants to be heard helps us to know that we can take charge of our reactions and allow that fear to be in a compassionate way. I have students, family members and friends who would certainly benefit from this insightful message. My heartfelt thanks, Tara.
Mark Twain is SO right. I get anxious in anticipation so that I feel prepared to deal with whatever arises, and this talk awakens me to the fact that not all anxiety is necessary and I should use filters. Thank you!
Your word “filters” is extremely applicable. Thank you.
Fantastic! It’s so hard to let go of that tight grasp.
I worry about my parents who are in their 90s. I worry about some key relationships in my life. I worry about my ability to heal my cancer with alternative strategies. The worry creates stress that compromises my immune system, that impacts my relationships, my sense of peace and joy. I’m working to change this mental/emotional pattern of worry, which has been by my side, and inside, for decades. Arriba y adelante …
TB ishere such a calming, reasonable presence and her offerings here ring authentic and helpful. I particularly like “what do I need now to comfort myself” (paraphrasing). Thank You
I don’t think the concept of addiction has the right fit for this issue. I don’t think people get ‘hooked’ on worry thoughts. It is a neurological mind-body loop which can be seen as arising from efforts to cope. I think it is more encouraging to frame this as an attempted coping strategy which may be amenable to a different approach. In my opinion this is less blaming and more likely to open the door to change.
I understand your point but for many, it bus definitely an addiction and habit. Blessingsvto you.
I hear what you say Sue, it is very true that one can easily feel blamed for one’ in-adaptive reactions to things (especially by people who are not maladapted to the same thing!).
MMMM maybe the word “addiction” is not quite right, it is as you say very laden… how about habit? inclination? fetish, even maybe, sometimes?
There is something both liberating and scary about admitting that the thing I flee from is also the thing I depend on? I find that the thing I pay most attention to when I am anxious is often the feeling of anxiety itself and not the (for example) practical actions I might take around the anxiety-issue. So I do wonder if the adrenalin and cortisol might serve some purpose for me? As Freud might have it, what I do pay attention to is a guide to what I am avoiding paying attention to. The here and now? An inability to feel? A memory of abandonment?
You are quite right however; there is no point in seeing anxiety (or any other adaptive technique) as something t be ashamed of or to get rid of. It will not work and also, maybe, it might lead us astray, or to miss an opportunity for growth. What, I wonder might be “interesting” in my anxiety? What is it saying to me? What is it telling me about my past and my reactive conditioning? I (after so many years trying) am only beginning in my late 50’s to have the courage to dialogue with my insecurities, not combat nor flee from them.
This is maybe similar Taras’s “sitting with the feeling”?
with warm wishes….
When dealing with this topic, language shoul be carefully selected. Words like harmful, damaging (first video) can be reviewed. The messages of the series should be empowering. Besides that, Tara is a great companion and teacher.
Hi Sue, I do agree with you & comments by David A McIlroy despite not having been able to view current videos – I am contributing by past access to issues plus the personal.
Terminology, Language, Tone… as in any aspect of life are open to commonality & sensitivity & misinterpretation & more.
For example – the term ‘mental health’ too often is taken at face value that the person has some ‘mental illness or disorder’, is a deficit or danger to themselves, those close to them &/or society – a being less than & too often treated as such – even by professionals!
I realised I react to the terminology as well that so much is ‘in the head’, an ‘addiction’ to gain attention or get a high &/or excuse for victimhood & more..
Life experiences, concurrence & sustained loading of adversity either from one direction or multiples upon a person contributes to burnout, loss of resilience, vitality, life force energy….
Even occasionally such has impact upon a person, imagine this in continuum.
Until Decades ago – experiencing the loss of a loved one, a child or spouse…, those brutalised through war was respected as melancholia / heart break / sorrow… situations for empathy & compassion at the least.
Now it’s Post natal depression, PTSD, even grief are classified as ‘Mental Illnesses’. And primarily only the affected person’s onus for their demise, due to some ‘inadequacies’ of theirs’.
The impact of adversity is also upon the heart & soul, physically & physiologically.
There is little adrenaline gratification here.
Apologies to all if too detailed.
Thankyou Wanda
As an artist I struggle with the idea of exhibiting my artwork and it not being received well..
This can keep me from starting or finishing an artwork I was inspired to create.
I appreciate the distinction offered between fear and anxiety. The three step mindfulness practice can be easily shared.
Thank you!
beautifully simple and empowering. my own personal message of self-compassion is “this, too, shall pass” as I breathe into the body discomfort. very powerful
Very soothing !
THIS IS. A WONDERFUL AND EASY WAY TO COME BACK TO THE PRESENT MOMENT, OUR POINT OF POWER AND WHERE WE ARE SAFE. THANK YOU TARA
I have a 30 year old client who is reluctantly facing confirmation of a separation. This has triggered previous anxiety. It is helpful to me to conceptualise his condition as an addiction to anxiety because I understand the power of the anxiety story. I had considered a narrative reauthoring of his anxiety story to one based on the strength of bring single dad. I doubt he can wait for counter conditioning to his anxiety to work. How long will it take and what is the probability it will work! How to does he find a powerful enough motivation that he is compelled to go through with it? I have serious doubts about behaviouralism’s solutions. There are non currently effective? What is the word for a plausible story that is untrue?
Anxiety has dogged me for most of my life. Partly it is a genetic inheritance and partly I think the impact of contemporary, urban life…. Sometimes it feels as stress is s become the default of our species? Of course now climate anxiety adds to the cumulative psychological stress… rendered more difficult as neither fight NOR flight seem viable options…. Meditation, yoga and conversation have been my support systems. Talking is a therapy with untold benefits-also physical – when carried out in a compassionate setting with an attentive listener. A friend. A counsellor. Even, at times, the dialogue one might have with a deity or a diary?
Thank you. I find that my addictive cycle of anxiety can be so all consuming, and one of the outcomes of that is alienation from others. I become so involved in my thoughts that I find myself feeling isolated and alone. This video, and other talks by Tara, leave me feeling understood and accompanied, which is such a gift. As a psychologist this is what I would seek to give also to my clients, a sense of not being alone in experience.
I am listening to /watching this with great personal interest as I have had a fearful and anxious orientation much of my life a long time as I am now 75. That pairing has made me very effective in some things many of my some vocations and has underpinned and driven a lot of my accomplishments. Yes,I have a teaching and supervisory relationship with other practitioners, and will bring this to them, but I think finding an sustainable way with these two for myself is the main opportuity of these teachings for me.
I am aware that I need to become more aware of my bodily responses. One thing that has been a great help to me is becoming a Laughter Yoga leader, now beginning my 12th year as a volunteer weekly community group leader. I also have been a daily dowser for 30 years, though I find that if I weren’t so independent, I could be asking lots more questions that would stop doubts and worries much more quickly. I have also found that sharing with others, even if it’s something upsetting, embarrassing or scary, rather that just “positive stuff” is equally helpful. I have also found that responding to another’s explanation of a problem with a response that includes a feeling, and is “laid out” rather than “laid on” is less scary when I remember that I can be wrong, and that my “wrong” feedback can lead them to express, perhaps for the first time, what they see as more accurate. It’s a win-win situation I don’t have to fear.
My addiction to worry stems from a faulty belief that if I’m well-prepared (through worrying!) then I can avoid all potential problems!
One of my good friends has been diagnosed with a terminal disease. Understandably she experiences great anxiety as she tries to wrap her head around all that is unknown about what is going on in her body, why this is happening to her and what she can do to manage day to day. We talk about mindfulness and how we never really know what will happen next. We share experiences we have had and the realization that neither of us can ever accurately predict what will happen next. And we renew our intentions to live each moment as it comes and trust that we have what we most need right now.
Your “good friend” HAS a “good friend: in YOU on my opinion! Fortune put you together or SLT but it has “turned up the soil” as farmers do before planting a crop, knowing that “prepared land” has “higher yields.” I wish you both a rich Harvest Home!
Ironically right before you said the next clip was on self-doubt, I was noticing thoughts that were questioning if I would be able to succeed with this practice or if this was too habitual for me. Such insightful presence. Thank you Tara and Ruth!
Criticism by older authority figures in childhood l drove the very senstive child in me to a scared place. Recovering worry addict I have become. One day at a time.
I recognize that worry for me is an attempt to control. It robs me of the present moment. I like that you said we can still be prepared intellectually to a scary event without worry. It feels like it helps me to prepare for the event when in actuality, it just drains my energy, but even with that knowledge it’s hard to break the habit. I will try the three steps. I’m pretty good with the first two steps but never thought to give myself compassion. Thank you Tara.
I’m going to work on the three steps, I want to relieve the stressful thoughts that cycle through my head.
I experienced it as a old and out-dated, past-conditioned thought that is no longer useful to me now in my life that I am now choosing to let go of once and for all going forward.
I noticed my addiction to worry in my thirties when I felt unacceptable to my mother-in-law or to my boss or colleagues. Twenty years later it was thoroughly a habit when worrying about a new stormy relationship. It worstened during covid when I felt abandoned by my adult sons. I wake in the night and spend an hour or two inventing outrageous things to worry about. I realize that I cast about looking for something to worry about
My anxiety manifests as high blood pressure and I have been unable to control this anxiety without medication that has undesirable side fx. In fact one of the medications I have used for a few years can actually cause heart attacks! And I did have a heart attack last November. I now have 2 stents in two of my coronary arteries and, while the procedure wasn’t too bad, the medication I was recommended to take had all sorts of really undesirable side fx. A powerful blood thinner caused unpleasant bruising tin my hands and legs until at one point a slight knock on my foot caused the whole foot to turn blue. Because of this I was allowed to come off that blood thinner six months earlier than I was originally told I could. I had hoped the stents would help reduce my blood pressure, but that hasn’t happened and I became disillusioned with the pharmaceutical regime and replaced all the meds with natural remedies. I also avoided taking my BP because I knew that if it was high, I’d go into a spiral of worry. That’s what happened today when I took my BP for the first time in a long time. It was really high. So now I’m back on meds that I don’t like and my anxiety levels are higher than ever. So I’m here in the hope that these steps can help. So far I am finding a little hope, but the proof is in the practice, of course. With thanx.
A kid who felt an anxious something coming on would do what kids in the country used to do: find a mud puddle and splatter and splash in every direction, or find a hay mow with bales of hay to jump on and roll down from the highest point in the mow to the floor. Or baking a cake and making the attendant mess! Odd as those “inconsequentials” seem, they DO CONTRIBUTE some sort of “steam vent” for pressures I can’t seem to escape. Finding an appropriate action in the moment is like having that “jiggler” thing on a pressure cooker lid. The WORST can escape if I find me an OUTLET. Hope this isn’t too crazy-sounding. For reasons I haven’t figured out yet, I don’t always follow my own advice. Haha, that defines “dumb-nut” for sure!
I understand looping. I have known I am moving back to the east coast for a year now…and every day am thinking (worrying) about the upcoming move. I toss and turn at night. When worry, my blood pressure goes up, my arthritic knee swells, then I worry about THOSE things. How can I prepare for this move with a painful knee?, then BP goes higher.
I have been a meditator for YEARS and practice mindfulness, it helps while it helps, then I get caught up in the loop again. I keep having to catching myself.
I have had SO many major things (losses) happen in my life in the last two years and now with this move…I am really trying to keep perspective. This videos is helpful. And I will put the three steps into practice. Actually, just listening to YOU talk helps me!!!
Thank you so much Tara!
guloseimas = ataques externos (supostos)
I don’t remember a time im my life where there was not fear or ansiety.
I mean, when I was a child I developed control and defense mecanisms that suposely pretected me from treats, but these mecanisms also “prevented” me of beem conected whit life, afeccion and relantioships in general.
So now I’m 50 and It is the first time that I have the opportunity to get inside these esquemes.
Thaks for these insights.
Very helpfull.
Thank you Tara for the clarity, simplicity and Lightness in your teaching.
Fear and anxiety can be/seem complex, complicated and heavy full of potential ‘rabbit holes’.
Always amazing gems of wisdom, Tara. May you be blessed and thank you for your grace and generosity.
💕John
Worry as a habit is helpful. Your 3 step process is easy to share and remember when in the grip of anxiety. After practicing it, more agency and thus, choice, is available