Why are we all singing together during quarantine?
Whether it’s balcony singing in Italy or Zoom “choirs” on YouTube, group singing has become extremely popular.
So why might that be? Well, Bessel van der Kolk, MD has an idea. Have a listen.
Click here for full transcript
If you’d like to hear more from Bessel on how to help patients regain a sense of agency during the COVID-19 pandemic, you can find it here.
Now we’d like to hear from you. How are you helping patients to feel more calm and safe during a frightening and unsettling time? What has been most helpful?
Please let us know by leaving a comment below.
I am so thankful for all of this information.
Hello,
I agree!
I’m a dance movement therapist, have been helping Chinese colleagues create movement videos for their hotline, and would like to share a short video I made.
With movement, we can literally reach out to others, move with mirroring and attunement….people have not only sung together, but created movement choirs.
I have video tapes and information about movement choirs to share.
I can be reached at iserlin@ileneserlin.com
Thank you,
Ilene
Been Terminal ill have been forced to turn down Healthcare system here as the workers are not turning in medical full protection Overalls GLOVES MASKS
My husband + l can not be in danger Corna19 this is Elderly Abuse
I love the idea of music and singing. I will suggest that to my clients.
I am encouraging them to engage in activities that they enjoy, that can absorb their minds, to exercise daily, to do some deep breathing, to watch what they eat, to get the right amount of sleep and to address spiritual needs. We are discussing boundaries. Our leaders have put boundaries on us but it up to us to maintain our boundaries. This can lead to a deeper discussion on boundaries that clients can put in their lives physically, mentally, and emotionally. Of course, I am always reminding them of mindfulness.
Some of my clients have put therapy on hold for a while, they feel too uncomfortable with a phone or telehealth session. These clients I will send a quick message once a week to see if they have changed their minds.
The most important thing that helped me when I was struggling with severe panic disorder that left me home bound for 2 1/2 years, was learning to calm my body and be mindful of the moment I was in. Now that I’m a counselor, my anxiety clients have been sharing that they do not feel drastically different than before the pandemic, while their families expected them to be terrified and freaking out. Turns out for them (and for me) it feels like they’ve been training for this all their lives! It’s helped clients when I validate that fear is a healthy response at this time. It has also helped them (again, and me) to work actively on remembering that if they are in their homes and doing all they can do, they can remember “Right here, right now, I’m okay.” We soothe the body to soothe the brain. Some are exploring their faith, others are deconstructing. Normalizing their feelings and fears has been helpful for most. Finding that I can manage my own anxiety well during a global pandemic, when 22 years ago I had severe panic over a lunch business meeting, helps me believe even more in the work we clinicians do.
We also process how this disruption in their lives and around the world, along with uncertainty and and fear of loss of loved ones, results in a grief/loss response over the loss of perceived certainty
Asking what has brought them the most joy in their lives thus far and encouraging them to try to make space for it again.
I am providing service in a geripsych unit. Music keeps us flowing thru these uncertain times. There is nothing like a chorus of “lean on me” RIP Bill W
I phone my friends and say: “During this time of physical distancing and social isolation, I’m experiencing a yearning for the auditory pleasure of your cheerful, warm, nurturing, wise and witty voice!” We both have a good laugh, enjoy a good conversation, and my recipient is grateful.
Jerry Willing, LMFT
Thank you so much for the support of these informative messages. I have had a steady stream of clients navigating from in-office meetings to Zoom telehealth. Many of my clients are trauma survivors. Here is what has worked for me as I serve them.
1) I assure them by phone that my therapeutic relationship is a constant through these trials despite insurance changes, loss of coverage due to job loss or divorce, etc.
2) Establish a clear plan: Daily routine.
3) Identify Supports and Resources
4) Support them in using Zoom or other telepresence
5) Sleep, Diet, Exercise
6) Spiritual disciplines including positive mindset in the morning
7) Changing expectations for work production when caring for children and working from home
8) Being intentional about when they take in media about the pandemic
9) 3 daily uplifts planned to nurture themselves
10) Finding purpose and agency to make a difference in the lives of others, 11) Use the trauma model to help them normalize and understand their reactions.
12) Pray for my clients
Very helpful. I’d like to add a few more: What is working for you right now?
The fact they are seeking help is a strength. The ability to be vulnerable and to reflect on this is also a virtue. Our clients need this acknowledgment of their seeking. Expressing movement through making the infinity symbol with textas/pens on paper, with both hands on whiteboard, old newspapers etc., can change the state of consciousness and calm clients particularly at the beginning of a online session.
Thanks Trudi,
I found you comment very helpful and practical and I will use this advise in my work as a school counsellor with teachers.
Kind regards
Andy
Calling friends to make sure they are doing well. Letting them know that I am checking on them and just keeping in touch. Calling to share past joyful experiences that we may have shared together and wish them well with a personal call. SMoreno
Yes, this is helpful – Thank-you! It re-enforces, re-affirms things for me. I struggle with structure at the best of times, so the challenge of developing more now is intriguing. To maintain my calm mindset, I am improving my self-hypnosis abilities (loving it) and Donna Eden Energy” energy work for all around good health. Being 74 years healthy and repeatedly reminded being in the high risk category, I appreciate this post to keep me on track.
I have no re-existing stuff going on, because I work on keeping it so!
I find being in the natural world crucial in helping anxiety, Every day at around 4pm I go out into the lovely countryside where I live-walking or cycling-and it soothes and calms and reconnects me. A fairly strenuous ride is good,with that and the fresh air I feel healthily tired on return and more relaxed. A break in the isolation and limitation . Wonderful to see spring awakening and nature return to herself without us around to mess things up with noise and pollution. The quiet at present is magical and I am reminded of the peaceful countryside of my childhood .In a strange and frightening time for us all the natural world is blooming and healing. That gives me hope. I know that not everyone has the countryside on their doorstep…I don’t have access to Zoom or Skype, so the solace of nature becomes more important as I can’t see the live faces of friends and family. Singing is also a marvellous and nourishing support, comfort, connection and pleasure. The two are connected ,as are other creative resources (I speak as a painter). Thank you Bessel.
I already had trained Volunteers of a National cancer self -help organization to use zoom for their contact with each other. Now many of them are organizing and moderating additional zoom meetings for cancer patients several times per week. Some local groups also switched with their help to weekly or monthly zoom Meetings instead of personal meetings.
I rediscovered that dancing, even only to one song in the morning and in the evening makes me feel instantly happy, alive, present in my body and courageous to face whatever may happen.
Srishti
Yoga ,Meditation (3 min.Breath Space) brief and multiple , Mindfulness-Based walking preferably in nature and of course Diaphragmatic Breathing frequently repeated
through out the day with one hand on Heart and the other on the Solar Plexus ( below the diaphragm)
Belt out a tune , freely , ignoring the harsh inner critic while body swaying and arms moving like a performer. It can be Fun !
Always drop in your Body ,
for MindBody connection .
Thank you …!!!!
By creating a space (Zoom. No rent!) for myself and others to explore curious questions and share honest answers with the intention of recognizing the common thinking and familiar feelings in each other’s humanity as we all navigate this time. Doing so supports all of us increase our “emotional leadership,” a disposition of trust, acceptance, and understanding that we each can “handle it,” whatever “it” is.
Wonderful! Thank you, Bessel, for reminding us to sing with others.
I teach all my clients how to cope healthfully with stress, to access their inner resources and use them wisely and well. I teach self hypnosis to all and some take my Mind Mastery Course and that gives them a sense of their personal powers and how to exercise responsible positive conscious control for themselves. They then feel far more able to get through challenging times. Plus they are able to give more appropriate support to others. For family, and friends I express my interest in them, offering suggestions as how to use the physical separation from others as an opportunity to invest their time and energy into things that until now they have had no time for. Of course I ask how they are coping and offer my support; staying in contact and focusing on the good in their lives and how to make the most of the situation. Its a good time to reflect on good times, make each other laugh.
Hi there, I would be interested in learning about your self hypnosis. Can you give me your info. please?
Thank you!
Jennifer
I am an artist and art teacher. At the request of some of my wonderful “Fun with Watercolor Techniques” students, I continue to teach using Zoom. Like singing, making art is a great way to relax and connect with others.
Thank you for being in the trenches with us!
1. Learning to accept things as they are. Keep it in the day and try not to tip into negative predictions. We need to accept there is often no clarification; we need to accept things as they are and keep a gratitude list. For example, there are no bombs out there threatening survival and no enemy waiting to arrest us because we have the wrong religion or politics or we are considered inferior in some way. We ARE in this together and need to stay together.
ACTIVITIES
2. Daily walks and /or some kind of routine daily exercise.
3. Doing things together as a family: watching a funny film in the afternoon (e.g. life of Brian), playing board games, in particular Monopoly, Pictionary or internet games.
4. Reading books you never had time to consider reading before and carry out practical tasks like cleaning out those disgusting and crammed cupboards! Learning new recipes so that we avoid takeaways.
5. Don’t feel guilty if you get up later in the morning! Make the best of it until it ends! This time will not come back. Good yes, but you will wish you had made better use of your time.
6. Keep a diary of what you did and how you managed to cope; for example: ‘The Diary of a Coronavirus Survivor’.
7. Do some volunteering in your building, your street or online to help vulnerable others.
8. Keep in contact with friends and the wider family network through social media, Skype or Facebook.
9. If you have a religious or spiritual approach, pray or meditate each day. Keep in contact with your faith via social media and online services.
10. Do not sink into booze and negative thinking. It could be worse. Keep to government guidelines and DO NOT give up hope. You need to support the NHS by staying well.
Jane Benanti
It is funny you should mention this. My husband and I were out in the car for a ride due to boredom and we had the radio on and we just started singing and laughing and having a ball. We were happy and energized . It was wonderful
Thanks for posting this
Stay well and stay safe
Dear Ruth:
As always this site provides vital and useful information. I would like to add something though that is not commonly addressed that I think is relevant to Dr. van der Kolk’s talk. Our psychologies and healing systems rarely take into account the living world as a source of caring, parenting, healing. This is my area of study as an eco-art therapist. I would like to add to this talk that the “more-than-human” realm is with us…we are a part of it and can feel connected in a healing and powerful way…IF we know how to listen and be present (which we don’t). I am the co-editor and contributing author of a book of readings “Environmental Expressive Art Therapy” with a Russian art therapist, Alexander Kopytin. We both hold Ph.D.’s and are well versed in the nuances of connecting with the living world as healing.
If you should ever want to create (especially at this time of isolation) a session that gives voice to this direction I would love to help.
Thank you for listening.
Thank you for all your hard work and excellent programming. I use your work when I teach graduate counseling courses at the University of Oklahoma.
Stay well…many blessings
Madeline Rugh, Ph.D. ATR-BC
Norman, Oklahoma
Prior to COVID 19, I was already using Skype or other online counseling with clients all over the US, so this time has been a deeper connection as most have felt very confident to this way of receiving help already . What has surprised me list is the lack of anxiety or situational depression my clients are experiencing. We seem to spend our meetings with me reassuring them as they are getting a ‘real’ opportunity to practice what we have previously worked on. Most of my work has always been with PTSD and I have been a Bessel follower for years- therefore, I use his best practices already ❣️ Other than that trauma model, my clients and are just raising levels of awareness using self empowerment/leadership methods. Of course, we do breath work and remembering to match their inner bonding with that first when they do notice a spike in anxiety. They have come up with creative mantras they use while washing their hands and taking other precautions which really impresses me. Most report enjoying having family at home and feel good about supporting local businesses in whatever charitable ways the come up with- all this gives them a continuous focus on gratitude for the things they still do share that are true priorities. This is a wonderful outcome from having done so much inner work. One downside is I have turned down new clients as I feel the relationships I have with previous clients is a full load.
My best to all my colleagues in our field- we are doing as best we can in times of our own insurers- take care of yourselves‼️
As Agnes points out in the replies, there are different individual reactions and responses possible. As an introverted person with some schizoid defenses, the isolation is comforting to me. And I work with many people with physical ailments and disabilities, and as Brigid O. pointed out in her reply to Agnes, this crisis is comforting to them. They feel isolated already and that the rugs in life i.e. expectations have already been pulled out from under them, so for them this crisis is actually making them feel more connected with the world.
As others pointed out, different people will have different degrees of comfort with being on video: narcissistic people may like seeing an image of themselves on the corner of zoom, while it will make many people self conscious. Some of the latter will prefer to work by phone.
It would be great to have more ideas on how to work with folks online. The replies in this column were very helpful.
Great idea, making safety by singing, and how does one do it online? Choirs? Various folks’ voices are louder than others and all are mic’d. Do they use a mixer somehow? I’d love to do it.
rsvp incl. to CharlesHorowitzphd@yahoo.com
Thanks
I’ve always recommended to clients that they create visual cues to help prompt their focus of attention. As such, during this difficult time, I suggest they create three menus. The first is a list of what they feel they need to attend to during a particular day. The second is a list of more playful activities that they know provide them enjoyment. These might entail activities such as listening to music, playing games, telling stories, writing, drawing, etc. The final list should identify activities or areas of interest that are new to them and which they now have some time to pursue. These activities might include going online for the vast opportunities to engage in virtual tours, attend classes or learn from youtube videos.
Thank you for the reminder!! I Love to sing and dance, yoga. WARMLY THERESE JENEE ‘
Beautiful! Thank you…your point about singing is so true, and I appreciate being made aware of this simple and basic fact. I have taken my clients and transitioned their sessions to virtual sessions and work a lot with helping them to connect with positive sensations in their body, inviting them to get more comfortable and to really focus on what that feels like…lingering there in some basic comfort helps shift their attention and begin to slow down their thoughts and regulate their nervous system.
I have heard from my patients that hearing my voice as I am using telephonic teletherapy currently only, is comforting. My success in providing calm to my patients is due to having seen them for so long in psychotherapy that the trust, ability to continue as if we were still in my office together, and no evidence of interruption seems to have been an issue which I was concerned might happen due to the change in how we have our sessions. I find that I am spending much time educating patients in COVID-19 dangers, as time continues they are feeling increased anxiety and want to venture out forgetting about the risk to themselves and others.
My little client, his mom and i created a ritual even prior to the outbreak to do tapping top down, and singing ABC.
What I learned recently from my Sensorimotor facilitator that I found very helpful was asking the client to listen to my voice and if there are any positive sensations they can feel as they hear me. Also to emphasize that we are connected through our hearts and have the client tune into that. Lastly to have them imagine (if appropriate) that I am placing 2 supportive hands on their back.
In speaking with my sister in Canada, while I live in the USA, we have talked about our mother, now deceased, and the ways she would comfort us simply by her wisdom and her upbeat attitude about life and her matter of fact ease with dying, and the fact that she sang spontaneously, all day and every day, played the piano every day, and had us sing with her. Music is the universal language, toning is a healing practice, and familiar folksongs are community oriented. Thanks for the reminder of the power of singing in coming together individually and as one people.
I am not a therapist but I do a lot of psycho-education/training through the STAR (Strategies for Trauma Awareness and Resilience) program based at Eastern Mennonite University in Virginia. And I have started hosting 5 virtual dance parties a day online. Each playlist is about 20 minutes long. 170+ people from over 15 countries and more than 20 US states have joined the dance at least once, and it is helping a lot of us both to process our difficult-to-carry emotions and to ground into our bodies and relationships (including relationship with the land we are on). And we are co-regulating as 3 to15 of us dance on screen together, always finishing with the same song, Resilient by Rising Appalachia. Amen to getting in-sync
I’ve just listened to Bessel’s 5-mins worth. Good stuff! But … not everyone can sing together that easily – especially with the self-isolation policies. You may be getting stir-crazy; or very seriously worried about money, relatives, length of the social lock-down, etc. So a simple self-help technique:
1. In your mind’s eye, develop an “anxiety” meter – a bit like the rev-counter on an old-fashioned car: divided into sections (say) green, black and red.
Practice noticing where the dial’s needle is at any moment – in the green? Fine! In the red: ‘woops’ too high! Check your meter when … you are in the bath / shower; having a meal; trying to get to the store; waiting for someone to call; etc. Notice your anxiety levels when you are doing different things – maybe for a few days. Then … when your anxiety meter starts to get closer to the red sector … slow down; sit down; have a cup of tea; practice a bit of mindfulness; pick up the book you were reading; turn on some music; … anything that helps you calm down a bit. Do something like these things until your meter gets back into the green.
Watching TV – with all the news of deaths here and short supplies there – won’t help: it will probably increase your anxiety.
Start simple, though it may not be easy at first as you may be (sort of) almost addicted to anxiety. This may be your “normal” – but if it doesn’t work for you (or those around you) – especially in the “interesting” times: you may need to learn a new pattern, or you may need to change this old pattern.
You have learnt many things in your life already. You learnt to swim; or ride a bike; or use a computer. This is just another new thing to learn: you may have stopped doing some old habits: biting your nails; smoking; drinking too much. Same thing!
Keep on practicing. Soon, you should be more able to handle everyday, or moment-to-moment anxiety.
Some people have very high levels of anxiety; General Anxiety Disorder; OCD; a phobia; panic attacks. The same principles apply; but you may have to work quite a bit harder to see any effect. You are trying to re-program your autonomic nervous system: or consciously self-regulate. It’s possible, but maybe more techniques are needed. More later. Stay well and safe!
Courtenay Young
I will suggest pet owners sing lullabies to the pets they’re ‘worried’ about as this will calm the owners hopefully which should help the pets who may be suffering comfort fatigue.
tx bessell
Speaking sense as usual
Thank you for this video, always helpful. I have focused on the mindfulness self compassion exercise of soothing touch heart meditation, connecting with their five senses, staying in the here and now, identifying what they do have a sense of agency over, what they know is true in this moment, go for a safe walk and last but not least reach out to others via FT, zoom, calls.
I want to know how others are addressing the existential crisis question. Thank you,
I host a mindfulness/meditation Zoom group everyday at 10:00. It helps to be consistent and predictable.
I’ve been offering all my clients — individuals, couples, groups and workshops — to have sessions with me on HIPAA-Compliant Secure Video and Zoom so we see and hear each other. I’m co-facilitated online workshops for former members of cults or high demand groups, including those born and raised. I use a PowerPoint with specific points and add beautiful nature photos . Recently these workshops are 3 hours long with breaks. They are highly interactive as we explore relevant topics and support each other.
We do kirtan by zoom. Our group is on Facebook kirtan St. John’s. It is a form of breathing yoga.
We have been zooming with one another. I send a daily email with a Lenten meditation, hymn, humor, images, and then a personal note. We hold worship services with pics of church bldg in background. We made a network of people calling other people. And we drive by each other’s homes and wave to each other. We just did a drive-by birthday party with decorated cars for a neighborhood child. We make cards and send the pic by email. Just small stuff.
I’m a relational therapist a bioenergetics therapist so I’ve gotten more groups together on Zoom and I’ve taught them how to tone which is a vibrational sound in five different parts of your body and I teach them how to hum by putting their teeth and their lips together for two minutes and we do it together and it’s very powerful
I am impressed and amazed how well my young clients are taking to our virtual meetings. They have helped me feel more confident about connecting in this way, and together we are exploring this connection as they have virtually invited me into their spaces. It is early days yet but I am feeling connected with my clients and we are moving forward together in this “new normal”. I can say “you are not alone, I am here with you”, even when physically distant.
I agree with Besell Van Der Kolkthat engaging with others keeps me safe and relaxed.
I continue to reach out by phone, face time,
Zoom .
I especially need this cause I lived a lot of trauma as a child( physical beatings and incest) I can easily feel abandoned( if I don’t reach out to friends and family ) even though I have a husband whom I love.
I am a mental health counselor using traumatic incident stress management to assist others in understanding their feelings and what they can control in times like this. A lot of people have forgotten how to be kids and have fun so we discuss ways to do this and singing songs and making up songs can help.
I’m an Art Therapist, I’ve been working with my clients through tele therapy, I have them draw, if they want to, while we are talking or just draw… I ask them to position their camera on their drawing, so I can observe the process of the drawing… just like we do in my office… I think just being there together has been the most soothing…
Reflecting myself and inviting clients to consider what this world crisis is asking us to change and prioritise in our lives eg self care, thoughtfulness of others, simple acts of kindness, valuing home.
I made chocolate chip cookies & delivered them.
Call friends regularly.
Initially I think it has helped to take time to get clients settled on an online or telephone platform that they can be comfortable with, so having choice has seemed very important – not everyone is easy with being seen on camera, even in this FaceTime age. I have been surprised by how many people do not have a computer or tablet at home, particularly elders and those who only use a computer at work. I am doing lots of singing with various choirs online myself and I have been encouraging clients, particularly those who are finding loneliness an issue, to find TV or online activities they enjoy. I use tapping (EFT or SET/IET, ref Steve Wells) as a simple and very quick way of self-soothing, which I teach to clients in our first session or so.
Thanks Diane, how does one do choirs online? Various folks’ voices are louder than others and all are mic’d. Do they use a mixer somehow? I’d love to do it.
HI Diane,
Do you know of any online groups happy to let in beginner ( aka bad ) singers join? I’m asking for myself:)
Many thanks
I am holding an online workshop on zoom with my community, with the option to go deeper with a few short courses. We will discuss what is happening in the brain during the stress fear response, discuss the emotions that have been triggered for them and show them how a simple, effective, self-administered tool called defrack tapping can support them to become emotionally resilient during any crisis.
You know, I am a bit disappointed. This is a missed opportunity to just learn to deal with unpredictability rather than trying to enforce more control. Unpredictability is also a great opportunity for creativity, spontaneity, real heartfelt expression. It doesn’t have to be so negative.
Now, I realise that dealing with trauma will affect the way we view the world. But there are definitely trauma survivors who experience a sense of freedom, of enjoying the liberation of incarceration and who thrive by simply following their own rhythm, urges and are comfortable with less rules and regulations.
Please also consider the impact of telling the public it is a traumatic time. There will be people for whom this is traumatic or retraumatise them, but there are many who will actually not feel that way at all.
I don’t want to rationalise or minimize any feelings of helplessness. I am only pleading for a larger perspective of the diversity of responses towards unpredictability.
Sorry the comment appears under another video than I intended. It was meant for the video on covid and trauma.
Hi Agnes, I agree that this crisis is affecting us all differently AND at different times. I’ve been spending a lot of time in quietness coming up to the Pandemic so it doesn’t feel so different to me. In fact it feels good that other people are doing the same as me and I don’t have the narrative going on in my head that everyone is ‘out there’ having fun and I’m the weird one at home having none. It feels like a huge relief in many ways for my system that the world has been pretty much switched off and we are all now in a still and quiet place. Part of my isolation is due to past trauma and having a hypersensitive system and needing to curtail my interactions with most people because of that. Another part is due to having Fibromyalgia and a heart condition and not having the energy for too much interaction.
Yes it feels like a great relief to know that I’m not the odd one out anymore and also I don’t do Skype or zoom but I do talk with friends on the phone and I write letters too!
I agree – personally, I am greatly enjoying the peace of being alone without the hurry of the working world, though I am finding the internet social interaction world somewhat overwhelming and have needed to boundary how often I check my WhatsApp groups postings and listen to the news.
Agnes I appreciate your comments and they resonate with my own thoughts.