Back in 2010, the year before NICABM’s last conference at Hilton Head, I faced one of my biggest fears.
Our conferences had been going on for over 20 years. They were profitable, and they brought people together from all over the United States to learn about the latest in mind-body medicine.
But it took a lot of time, energy, and people to organize those conferences, which put a limit on everything else we could do.
So I took the bold step (or at least it seemed bold at the time) of considering the choice to discontinue the conference.
The night before the last day, I went to bed knowing that the following day, I’d be announcing that the following year (2011) would be our final meeting. I remember I didn’t sleep a wink as I tossed and turned, wondering if I was making the right decision.
I crawled out of bed the next morning, put on my makeup (in an attempt to look like a woman who’d gotten a good night’s sleep), and at the end of the conference, I made the announcement.
While there are things I miss about those gatherings – like getting together with people who I’d come to know and love over the years, I can honestly say. . .
. . . I don’t for one moment regret the decision I made to take NICABM in a new direction.
This one decision has opened so many doors—doors to opportunity and dreams I had yet to even consider.
I faced a fear that day—one that took me way out of my comfort zone and helped set me on a path that’s been even more rewarding than I ever could have imagined.
Having the courage to step out of the box might mean feeling scared or losing sleep, but it can also lead to realizing dreams you never even knew you had.
It’s natural to experience fear, but trying something new can be so rewarding.
What keeps you from stepping out of the box and doing your own thing? For me, it was fear of the unknown. How about you?
Please share your thoughts below – I’m looking forward to reading them.
Hi Ruth,
In my case, I’m just now finding my voice, so I don’t yet have a lot of experience at speaking up.
I also have a fear of being laughed at or ridiculed for “not knowing” something … not having all the answers, especially while I’m in the “spotlight.” (predicated on a past-based experience that is not complete, I’m sure)
I’m also inexperienced in what it takes to catapult myself to the forefront once I move beyond my fear of getting there.
Whatever the process is, for me it’s vital that it be done with integrity. That is, I chose not to promote myself at the expense of anyone else. I envision a process where I connect with others in a way that we all benefit. It’s the technology of the process that escapes me at the moment.
“Thank You Ruth, for ‘stepping out’ of your comfort zone”! Most of my recent ‘jobs’ have been doing with Pastoral Care, Chaplaincy. Am not sure what would be ‘out of the box’ for me. Any suggestions?? I have a Master of Arts in Biblical Counselling. My Under Grad was in “General Studies; a minor in Sociology.
I so relate, on the one hand, to the wonderful remarks of the retirees. As 65 rolls around, I look at my life and my great and varied adventures, at the job I have held for about 18 years. A part of me wants to jump on board and like always, try something new. And yet a part of me wants to leave all the exploring and sharing and growing, and the experimenting in this field to all of you, while I enjoy sitting back and watching. I’m glad I have a few days to think about it:)
Thank you Ruth for sharing both your dreams…starting NICABM and the conferences, and then leaving it and offering the wonderful opportunities in your new digital world approach. Blessings
Where to begin? I keep running into folks (including myself) who hold on tight to what has-been and FEAR that jump, chancing all, because they have repeatedly *failed*. When you see the world through failure glasses, how indeed do you encourage the leap (again)?
I have played with using the creative imagination of my clients to *wonder if* and *imagine that*, but pain (which is literally held in body tissue and brain mass) believes more strongly in it’s own experience than a new story…
Great and inspiring .yes transition into new life makes you feel not sure of the new challenges . I am experiencing that right now after my sickness and healing through Jesus Christ I decided to seek more of The Lord . I resigned my job and would want to dedicate my entire life to Christ . One thing I am learning is that when you decide move on ….stay focused and on track . People will say this and that but the most important things is to believe in The Lord and stay on track ….. They is life after everything …..
I have never had a job for three years ,i have right,left, center,,i dont even have the will to face the day any of my friends see me they run and being in africa this are thicker tha thick i forgot everthing i knew am just their no words the family is almost falling apart as am writing, house rent for three month is needed,food and guese what it can take less than 150 dollars to clear my debt u can imagine how my life is in a seriuos mess especially when my six year old and the mother cant have three meals and one more thing not going to school
Well, I did not know that you were working with something related to the mind-body medicine. It is a special isue to me since I have had a major experience with that. I use to suffer of a diagnosticated ‘Menier sindrome’ according with the physicians, with horrible physical effects; they said that the only way to get a better life quality was to take out the inner ear, in a similar manner that a dentist can take out a tooth. But… what about my real life quality? To make it short, I knew somehow about Doctor Joan Borysenko and the former work of the Doctor Herbert Benson (the relaxation responce initial theory) and Doctor Bernie Siegel (love therapy), in which Doctor Borysenko’s work was based largely. Following her adviced given in her book ‘Minding the body, mending the mind’, now I can live with a fairly normal way, the only thing is that I lost my earing capacity in the left ear.
I had a surgery but with no possitive effect; only the aplication of the advice given by Dr. Borysenko was able to return me to a normal life. The mind-body medicine must be a kind of medicine available to anyone, since the actual money maker medicine does not have the real elements to heal you, but only to parasite you.
Thank you
The scariest thing i have done was to NOT take a very secure job doing hospital based psychiatry
and instead begin my own private practice focusing on psychotherapy.
I gave up financial security but it was not the type of practice i wanted. On some level i knew i would not be happy.
The financial rewards are not as great but i am much happier and know that i did the right thing.
At this point i still have fears of the new… i have doubts and uncertainties but i know that i have
to find the courage on a daily basis to deal with the choices that are in front of me
Larry Drell, MD
Anxiety and Depression Therapy Center
Washington, DC 20008
The Serenity Prayer has always been a great help.
At this point in my life, and perhaps at many other junctures throughout, my biggest fear is not to grow and change. I know what it’s like to be stuck and I tend to have an optimistic bias. “Things will get better (in this stuck place) if I do this or that.” I’m open. Tell me more.
When we step out God steps in.
With The Lord everything and anything is possible …
I think I may have just done the scariest thing of my life: I finally stood up to my daughter, who takes me for granted and blames me for everything. I know I am risking the termination of the relationship, but I’m finally ready not to go along in this sick way, in which I apologize for living while she beats me up. Whew!
We’re supposed to have a family get-together for my 65th birthday tomorrow, and she has managed to sabotage that and thrown a monkey wrench into the bargain…Well, this time I’m not rolling over and playing dead. If I can’t develop a backbone at my age….???!!!
I know I’ll have regrets and second thoughts, and will want to beg her forgiveness for having an opinion; so be it. At least the gauntlet has been thrown down and I can’t/don’t want to pick it back up!
Kirby, good for you! I applaud your courage. You are doing your daughter a great favor by not allowing her to treat you with disrespect and blame. You do not have to accept her blame. Until your daughter takes responsibility for her life, (regardless of what you may have or have not done), she will remain a child, emotionally, and stuck.
Once she assumes responsibility for her life, she is empowered to make it hers, and will finally grow up and respect herself. When you honor yourself with self-respect and self-care, you are modelling a woman of dignity. When you stand your ground, and are willing to lose a relationship that is tearing you down, you are losing nothing worth keeping. You deserve to be treated with love and consideration.
I wonder do I use the comfort zone more as procrastination and so put off having to make decisions rather than JUST fear although FEAR OF CHANGE CAN ALSO PLAY SOME PART/.I also put off throwing out things like books that I haven’t opened for many years , discs I don’t play anymore to name just a few…sometimes though the moment I did get rid of something I suddenly found I needed it…. life can be confusing and it does not get any easier as we progress along our chose path..
I can honestly say that I am not afraid to step out of the box and do my own thing. I don’t know what my own thing is.
Maybe one day you will make another courageous and bold decision-to host an amazing, ‘new’ real time, real space gathering opening portals to all other ways of cutting edge…maybe a once every five years extravaganza that is it’s own community 🙂 too
(kind of how ‘concierge’ medicine is retrieving as ‘special’ what used to be ‘regular’ practice).
They were truly amazing gatherings Ruth!!
Hi Ruth, Once again, thank you for your posts! They are thought provoking, supportive, and informative! What is holding me back? Probably more than one thing, but I suspect as much as anything, it is a lack of belief in my authority…who am I to do this?
You have to believe in yourself ….I had the same experience not wanting to move out of my comfort zone but when The Lord saved me I made a decision …..move on when The Lord talks to you ..
i am in the process of letting go of sth that used to be part of my identity as well – it’s hard, I am scared – I’ll try and look at the fear with interested curiosity – easier said than done, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t – tapping helps.
Yes I am using tapping too (EFT). at 70 I am dealing PTSD from age 5 years and up, childhood abuse. When changes come up I have always reacted with extreme anxiety and never understood why, I do now and I am working really hard to overcome it. Learning from this web site allowed me to understand Trauma. Good luck to you and THANK YOU RUTH!!
I enjoyed reading Theresa’s comment as I am also retiring psychologist. I find myself resisting letting the psychology license go because of its permanency and wanting to keep up with the field. So much of my life revolved around completing the education and demands of the profession along with the satisfaction of helping people in that way. I often felt like the typical ‘ship without a sail.’
Gratefully, Ruth and NICABM have captured my passion for the areas of spirituality, mindfulness, epigenetics, and how the brain functions, so I continue to take those courses online and thoroughly enjoy them without having to travel from the west to east coast, nor be concerned with needing the specific requirements of continuing education. For the present, I can more easily keep up a WA counseling license in case some creative teaching becomes possible. If I find I can use my skills to help others in a different way, that change will feel joyful rather than fearful.
There are books on my shelf I’d love to read; writing one remains in my heart, and I now have time to take voice lessons, sing with a choral group, and enjoy my husband and expanding family.
Thank you again Ruth and NICABM!
Hi I have gone through some difficult changes in the past couple years which has made me stronger.I do question my current work and want to think about doing something different, a career change to business but with the economy I get nervous. I have been a social worker for over 25 years and love many aspects of it but certainly not the salary. I would like to have the courage to seek out other opportunities.
I LOVE baseball–watching it in psroen, that is. Especially watching my son! My other son is pretty talented too, but doesn’t love it and dropped it a couple of years back. Anyway, we’re one of those annoying families that arrives at a game looking like we’re setting up camp–armfuls of collapsible chairs, coolers, umbrellas, etc. We even set up a pop-up canopy when it’s very hot or rainy. Ha! And I love to cheer him on. Probably because baseball is one of the few sports I actually understand. 🙂
I rarely have been fearful about stepping out of the box and doing my own thing. I just do believe that God or the Divine has something good in store for me, So I listen to my intuition and stop holding on to stuff in order to make way for something new. It has worked so far, because that and gratitude are the way home I’m sure.
So here is an example. My husband and I are living in an academic rental. The lease ends at the end of this month. My husband had two job opportunities. He and I decided the first one wasn’t going to work out for us and he will negotiate for the 2nd one Monday. What if that doesn’t work out to his liking?
Well because I write – I’m writing a juicy part novel, part personal growth book – which I can do anywhere, and I love writing and teaching curriculum at the community college level on topics that interest me, so I’m pretty portable.
A lot of folks might get freaked out about their future if they were in our shoes, but I am certain that something wonderful will come out of this transition; frankly I can’t wait to see how it unfolds.
So as you can see I like stepping into the unknown. I welcome change.
All of my life I have been a clutterer and a pack rat. Push has come to shove. Most of my unneeded stuff has been given away, and things are looking up. But I know that completing this job will give me time to do the things I’ve been putting off for a lifetime, and fear of new responsibilities keeps peeking at me around the corner of one of the last stacks of stuff. As I write this, I turn from the computer and see the fear-eyes peeking from behind everything. How will I give up my stacks of papers and books? Who will I be without them? They’re so disorganized that I seldom read them, yet they feel like an indispensable part of me. I’m retired, but, in a way, holding on to the person that i used to be.
I think this may not be the right program for me because I’m not really interested in having a business and earning more money. I just want to be able to take care of my body and mind and be of service to others — to live a good, useful and clean life. But I have to conquer the fear of the new responsibilities that this will put before me.
Thank you very much Theresa
Synchronistically this is my exact story
right now too.
And my name is Theresa
so something special happening here for me reading your story
Thank you again very much
Here’s to letting go of old identities
My reply to you is ‘feel the fear and do it anyway’ Good luck Valerie Canada
Congratulations on following your heart and inner sense of knowing to a new place of not knowing. I am enjoying your new playground and had you not stepped out.. I would never have connect with you! Keep stepping out!!!! Debbie
Hi Ruth,
I just wanted to say I went to the NICABM conf in HH about 5 times in 10 years and a week doesn’t go by in my current life that I don’t think about some aspect of a felt sense or memory from the conference. It was like authenticity camp. I always learned so much and met such wonderful people sharing condos next door, going out to dinner and discussing the evolutionary learnings. Those years where musicians would meet up by the piano at the end of the hallway and sing– Bill OHanlon with his guitar, etc– time Warp! And going in the hot tub then swimming in the 40 degree pool, walking on the beach under a full moon, the labyrinth carved in the sand– . The last year I met a dear friend from school there and he was floored by all the great presenters and the huge bookstore, the overall energy of the meeting. I totally respect you moving on, going digital, listening to your inner guidance, but I am forever grateful for the growth and FUN that happened at those in-person mtgs!! Many Blessings, Ruth.
No, for me, it’s not fear of the unknown per se. It’s fear of failure. I love to try new things. I love learning. But wow to create a new program/online service involves alot of work and a reasonable amount of money. I don’t have time for failure. I need it to work and reasonably quickly too. ?? I guess I need to look at it just as a learning exercise and let go of any other expectation. . . . But that’s hard for me. 🙁
Ah well . . . here’s another opportunity for growth!
The way I practice ‘integrative medicine’, or more accurately, ‘heart-mind-body-‘soul’ integration; has been an ongoing journey of having to repeatedly step out of the box, of the accepted paradigms within the profession, sometimes its ‘out of the box’, even in the groups that appear to be out of the boxes!
There are so many unquestioned programs in all areas of conditioned humanity.
Many of us are outside the box in our own way in some aspects of our life, it can be subtle or obvious. To honour our sovereign expression, without being overly influenced by external & internal inputs, require much self awareness, discernment & courage.
There is also the issue of timing.
All is impermanent, thus change is ongoing.,
Often we assume that the direction others are heading towards, is the one we should be following.
Maybe, & maybe not, whatever the decision, it is a temporary expression & experience.
Perhaps we can ask ourselves,— whatever the impermanent situation we are in, have we been present, mindful, & in the heart.?
Fear has an interesting component, as I learned from Tara Mohr author
Of “Playing Big.” The Jewish tradition of 2 types of fear. Paddah and Yerah.
Paddah (sp) the reactive type of fear- the lion chasing me and Yerah(sp?) the fear
Of awe and excitement. As I put my foot in the water, I am observing the sensation
Of fear. It is a curious observation.
Thank you for sharing your experience Ruth.
Thank you Ruth for sharing your views,
Its really true to my experience also , I am a risk taker since my child hood,and at this age of 65 yrs I too took such decisions in various stages of my life.At the end I feel that what ever risks I took has rewarded me immensely.Risk taking requires great courage and determination.
I’m going to take this in a different direction and share my experience. When I was 20, I was in a long term relationship, had a job I loved, had never been out of the state of Connecticut, did not even have a driver’s license. I was very happy and looking forward to more of the same. But when an Air Force recruiter knocked on my door one morning after night shift, I signed on the dotted line. Everyone in my life was outraged and didn’t hesitate to let me know it. I could have changed my mind right up until the moment the plane took off for basic training in Texas. I was scared and thought I was making the biggest mistake of my life but something kept me moving forward despite the turmoil. Well, the Air Force wasn’t the life for me but I fulfilled my commitment and it has made all the difference in my life. I met my husband and spent 39 years with him until his death in 2010. I went back to college for both a BS and MS degree. I’ve lived and travelled all over the world and moved far beyond that scared 20 year old. Last year, I sold everything I owned and moved back to Texas. I’m still open to new adventures and am considering the possibilities for the rest of my life…or tomorrow…which ever comes first.
It is the fear of moving from the known to the unknown.
I would like to know the specifics about the program that you will be offering: how much it costs, how much support is involved, I need a clearer sense of what is included. At this point I do not believe I can make an informed decision because of the missing variables. I think I will be able to face my fear of uncertainty, I have an idea that may be appropriate for the moderator model. My questions are around the financial costs vs. return on investment.
That is because it is not our “comfort zone” it is our “stuck zone”
Absolutely!
Imripsseve brain power at work! Great answer!
It is most inconvenient that you are exploring this subject as I am desperately clinging to my state of denial that change is somehow avoidable. I am both drawn to and repelled by the conversation. I also know that is where the treasure is buried. Wish me luck! Many thanks.