In the aftermath of the recent tragedies in El Paso and Dayton, it’s nearly impossible to know what to do or say. These acts of gun violence bring up all sorts of painful emotions – grief, sadness, anger, and fear.
As the daughter of a pastor, I was taught the importance of weeping with those who weep and mourning with those who mourn. Jewish tradition teaches the compassionate practice of mourning alongside those who sit Shiva. It seems fitting, in times like these, to make space in our lives to enter into the suffering of those who grieve.
And yet, I sense an almost helpless feeling among many who are asking, “What more can I do?”
The answer to that question will likely be different for each of us, depending on our resources and temperaments. For some, it might look like activism. For others, a response might come in the form of giving – donating gifts of time, money, or blood. Artists and musicians might respond by creating beauty to offset the violence and ugliness. Others might move toward reaching out to mentor or befriend a troubled young person.
For psychotherapists and other health professionals, our work becomes even more crucial in times like these. Those who are on the front lines in El Paso and Dayton face a daunting task in supporting survivors and families of those whose lives were cut down.
I’ve often said that psychotherapists and health professionals do some of the most important work on the planet. In a very real sense, we are merchants of hope. We play a crucial role in helping clients cling to the hope that trauma won’t have to define their lives.
We know that witnessing and experiencing physical and emotional trauma from gun violence can create deep wounds – ones that won’t heal lightly. So we applaud you for the important work you’ll be doing in providing support over the long haul for people whose lives changed in an instant.
Long after the headlines fade, people in these communities will continue to need medical, legal, financial, and emotional support. Thank you for the important work you’re doing.
Even for those who are far removed from these communities, these kinds of events can trigger all sorts of reactions to previous experiences of violence. So, there are many people close to us who may need additional support in processing a previous trauma.
One more thing – and this is something else my father taught me. Even in troubled times like these, three things abide: faith, hope, and love. And the greatest of these is love. (1 Corinthians 13:13)
So, keep loving those who are close to you. Love your neighbor. Love the stranger. Though our hearts are broken, we can make this world a more loving, compassionate place.
Now I’d like to hear from you. What are your thoughts about how we can foster greater compassion in our communities and in our world? Please leave a comment below.
For more resources for helping clients heal from a traumatic experience, check out this blog post.
As someone who came to train in counselling and psychotherapy 22 years ago after working in wildlife conservation, my journey has come – inevitably – to ecopsychology and systemic understanding. I find great resonance with Pam and those pointing out that we are all part of the same fabric. I would add, “of life”. It seems to me that the great personal trauma of the Modern/Western enlightenment is the disconnect from the natural world of sensation, emotion and embodied information. Our profession, or most of our modalities including my own, traditionally aligns with this view whenever we refer to “basic unconscious” processes. And yet, the majority of human beings respond intuitively, from a deep sense of connection, to beauty, wilderness, spooky rooms and so on. We have evolved to do this, and to use our self-reflective consciousness to attend to this feedback from our direct environment. This “autopoesis” (Varela & Maturana) extends to basic living cells – and we are composed of billions of these, all connected! It seems quite understandable that social norms that downplay, ignore or deny such connection set up up a traumatic disconnect within individuals. Now that we live in a globally connected world, this disconnect and cognitive dissonance play out on the world stage. Not only do we destroy our living environment, but we have simultaneously traumatised the systems on which we depend. And still resist the feedback. Our clients may be struggling because their intellectual understanding of their identity is at odds with an embodied sense of their being part of the whole. This is being amplified by the feedback from the whole systems – burning forests and townships; melting ice; refugee columns; sinking villages; wealth injustice; and so on. We – as professionals – struggle with aspects of our clients’ distress and trauma partly because our profession emerged as part of the Modern age, and we may refer to the more-than human world most often as a source of healing (eco-therapy) or distress (eco-anxiety). In both cases, we see this dimension as something beyond. Rarely do we refer to how human identity is now causal. Thus we end up with what Zhiwa Woodbury has decribed as “superordinate trauma” where the ecological crisis is unrecognised as a trauma of which we are part, and therefore becomes a trigger for “past personal, cultural and intergenerational trauma”. If we as therapists address these only within the context of the original life-experience of our clients, and her them, to heal and get on with their lives, we become auxiliaries in maintaining a status quo that is inimical to our species – which is surely ethically inappropriate. Yet, our tradition is to “hold back” from having an agenda! It seems that it may be time to reconsider our own identities and place int he waking up of the world. What does it mean to be human today? What does it mean to be an active self-reflective element of the living whole? What might the trauma be trying to tell us? How do we communicate this? Please have a look at the GaP Initiative on gloabeandpsyche.com and join us in reshaping our thinking and reconsidering our place and voice….
Thank you. With the depth of your understanding of trauma, you might want to explore Advanced Integrative Therapy (AIT), an energy psychotherapy. I began my training in it last April, and now my more advanced course teaches about healing the intergenerational traumas, and even much deeper. My own personal experience of AIT since June has me amazed at the depth. Yesterday, before reading this, I realized I will need to treat the ecological trauma you just named.
It’s a silly thing: I live up a muddy one-lane track; and any other vehicle or even cyclist or pedestrian(people go running or waliking a lot) has to find some accommodation with me about how we will pass each other. I consider it of the highest importance that we should each wave, flash our lights, and generally acknowledge each other. I don’t like ti if someone proceeds without a flicker of recognition. Come to think of it, I probably think that this applies to the young lady in the shop, Jo who drives the library van, etc- there are lots of opportunities to be friendly to nearly anybody. Love is freely available everywhere! Even on a day when I might be feeling down, I don’t need to be offhand to somebody who isn’t to blame.
Hilary
Hilary
Loved the audio guided imagimery meditation on Healing from heartbreak very soothing and very healing in itself
Listening with genuine concern and empathy is so what i do best. Helping to understand what emotions clients may be suffering outside the so called norm keeps my professional brain abreast of any potential other arising issues and also helps me assess the level of trauma or grief involved. To be a very wise counsellor or support it is absolutely essential you have a clean slate emotionally yourself to make room mentally and emotionally for the emotional out pour of the client and their target specific cause and need of comfort
Thank you Ruth for eloquent, pure heart words and where we may lean in. And on purpose, pragmatically, fuel courage to tend love; tend hope; and, at darkest moments, (when it irritatingly feels we are ridiculously abandoning our own grim strangle hold on ‘reality), tend faith. Thru strange cracks light, mystery that nourishes life, and new breath somehow, thru eons and ages seem to keep arriving.
AND, THANK You Belleruth! for, in my grateful experiencing, always, beautiful and timeless guide.
You are very welcome, Poet Jody, and thank you back. BR
I think one of the most important things we can do is to help our clients to find their way to forgiveness, if possible.
Besides that, we also need to each find our own way toward forgiveness in our own hearts for everyone and everything so we can then, with a clear and free heart, help to co-create a world that works for everyone.
Barbara J Hunt, author of Forgiveness Made Easy – the revolutionary guide to moving beyond your past and truly letting go.
this is excellent response and I agree with all of it, however, the gun laws really need to change. In Australia, we do not have this situation, even though there have been some horrific gun crimes.
I am so grateful for these wonderful gifts you have given to us, Ruth! The Guided Imagery is truly healing (thank you Belleruth!) and will be so helpful to those who are deeply affected by recent traumas or earlier traumas that have been reactivated. Your insights and generosity reveal your compassionate heart and challenge us to be agents of hope, healing, and compassion in these dark times.
I was transported and loved the guided immagery. Am going to Colombia, Bogota, in two weeks time, and thought of using this for a public lecture I am giving on Art Therapy Support groups for bereaved families who’s chilgren where killed by terorist s and army service. I am sure that the latest shootings in El Passo and Dayton brought back their own trauma experiences. Thanks for sharing, and let me know if there are any issues with sharing this meditation publicly. All the best, Hannah Sherebrin
Hannah, you are most welcome to include it in your critical work with bereaved families. Please just follow the usual rules re giving attribution to author, publisher, etc. Happy and honored to have it be part of what you are contributing. All best, BR
First, many thanks to Ruthie and her talented NICABM posse for using our guided imagery for Heartbreak as a tool to help alleviate some of the distress, disheartenment (if that’s not a word, I guess it is now) and despair that most of us feel in the face of such random fury and assault on basic rightness, order and safety.
That imagery was initially created for those feeling heartbroken, abandoned, discarded or betrayed. But I’ve found it has wider and more comprehensive application.
As many therapists who’ve heard it through would recognize, it’s all about using classic transitional objects and security priming to surmount even very intense anxiety (the assumption being that all anxiety stems from that great mother of all anxiety – separation anxiety).
The imaginal story it tells combines Winnecott’s premise about the power of transitional objects for soothing separation anxiety, with what Jung had to say about archetypal symbols and universal themes to create a transformative healing story.
In demented times like these, we sometimes need to lean on The Ancestors, who’ve seen it all before, yet persisted and survived – through us, I might add. In the face of madness and inhumanity, we lean on the Tribe (in its most positive iteration) to invoke and gather around us support from the whole human race.
Peace on all your heads,
Belleruth Naparstek
Thank you Belleruth,
Listening to you felt soothing to me!
I’m deeply grateful,
Thank you,
ferah
Thank you so much for the beautiful guided imagery and affirmations. I am excited to share with clients and friends!
I can’t bear to listen to it – the insertion of religious doctrine unnerves me. It’s so far out of line, for me. Quoting a controversial book is supposed to do what?
I’m an alum of the 2016/17 Treating Trauma 10 month course. All my efforts to join in an alumni community have come to naught and now I get a scripture. At least I understand the core values within the organization now
As an antitheist atheist, this is goodbye. I’d ask you to consider a declaration re: we use/support a religion – I appreciate being an informed consumer
Thank you
I hear and respect your reaction to feeling ambushed by scripture, Barbara Ellen.
But from my end, I have to say that of all the NICABM posts I’ve read over the years, I loved this one the best.
It struck me as heartfelt, spontaneous, compassionate and generous, and it comforted me to read it – even though it’s not from any background I grew up with. I recognize it as straight from the writer’s core ground of being. I also thought it was beautiful writing – no small thing in my book.
All that aside, I regret your distress and wish you well.
Belleruth Naparstek
Dear Ruth,
It was a great comfort and relief to read these words and understand the depp structure of your intent. I open heartedly give you a deep bow of appreciation. I ask my clients to wrie a journal for me berween visits. I answer them. They may journal a little or a lot, depending on their process It is my thinking that if they know they have constant access, at least one way, they can, by writing, look at their “story” (whatever is in their heart/consciousness) in a way that will be more objectified, less subjective. I then can look at what they have written and respond from my heart/consciousness. They know I am busy so they don’t ecoect immediate response but they do know I am there, witnessing. What occurs is that they begin to”witness” as well
And start to see their “story/pain” as something outside that can be observed, organized and accepted, rather than be an unconscious driver. Hope this helps others.
I am going to vacation in Connecticut and would love to have an appointment with you.
Thank you so much for the guided imagery recording and your words, scriptures of encouragement. Yes, we can be messengers of hope and love like Barnabus in the New Testament.
Thank you again for your generosity Ruth!!!
So beautifully expressed? I couldn’t agree more. Thank you?
Yes faith, hope and love are always needed, now is the time to insist on change. One change can lead to a second and to a third. We need to be more vocal, more adamant with our representatives. Countries are beginning to warn their citizens to not visit America because we are so unsafe. Sit with that for a moment. It is very hard to work with trauma when it is still happening. Catherine Cauthorne, Ph.D.
Thank you for the strength and balance of your mediations and considerations, this healing and wholeness. May we all return to the Wholeness of the Whole… in ourselves and with the world around us. May Healing unfold for all. ???
Thank you for your words, they touched me deeply. And thank you for the free resources. It helps a lot.
I am doing my work in German language, but give your article to those who can make use of it. Thank you again.
My underlying vision for my work as a psychotherapist is to sit with people in their pain and offer hope. Thank you for sharing your wisdom Ruth.
Please print the handout for patients
Ruth — I found your post to express something I’ve always believed — therapists, social workers, front-line mental health care, etc. are all harbingers of hope. Thank you for reminding us of this important belief.
And even though I cannot fathom “man’s inhumanity to man” in times like these (and in times of war) — I can only hold to the hope that peace will eventually reign with the return of our Lord & Saviour.
What a profoundly simply yet activating post…I am sharing it to my facebook page. Thank you.
There is a large body of work that addresses crime prevention. Check out the work by Irvin Waller who was until recently the director of the International Centre on Crime Prevention at the University of Ottawa. The literature tells is 80% of kids who get into trouble with the law did not want to be criminals. It also tells that social programs to reach out to vulnerable kids from kindergarten to early 20’s are very helpful in keeping kids on the straight and narrow. Huge impacts come from mentoring programs and sports and arts programs. Public Safety Canada research (Tyler’s story) brings that research together and tells us that we see a net savings of $1.2 million when we save one kid from being in trouble in the law though social interventions. An ounce of prevention…….
Thank you, Ruth. Yes! “Faith, hope and love, and the greatest of these is love.” This love can express itself in many ways depending on the person and, his/her capacities and inclinations, but may all actions arise from love, rather than fear or judgment. Through this intention of love in every action, the highest form of action can arise.
Thank you. Soothing complicated emotions and sensations is vital.
Acting to create a safer community, where ever in the world we find ourselves, will be more and more important in troubled times.
I don’t think it’s impossible to know what to do — it’s clear. Advocate, agitate, demonstrate for sensible gun control. You will not get weapons of war off the streets of the US with empathy. The best gift to the victims and their families is some sanity in the US on banning assault weapons. I speak as an American ex-pat who has lived in the United Kingdom for 42 years. The rest of the world cannot understand this madness in the US
Carol
To say “the rest of the world cannot understand this madness in the US” is inaccurate.
“In 2015, the United States was actually number sixty-six on the list of countries in terms of mass shooting rates…”
Mass Shootings is NOT only a US problem. I am by no means saying we don’t have a problem; automatic weapons do need better gun policies yes, but the creation of “mental illness” by diagnostic labeling is also killing citizens. Psychiatric diagnoses are not actually biological processes. To blame the brain or genes where there is consistently no scientific evidence is reckless, especially when you are looking at Normal Responses to Trauma. To vote on what a small panel of psychiatrist feel is normal or abnormal is obscene.
The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) stigmatizes the Human Experience! Prescribing neurotoxins like antidepressants, anti psychotics and benzodiazepines for depression, anxiety and every other sliced up normal behavioral reaction is malpractice. Our so-called “mental health” system needs a complete overhaul; the DSM needs to be abolished for its continued effort to Medicate Normal and it’s bedfellow the pharmaceutical industry for creating drugs to treat these bogus disorders.
When a therapist only looks to someone’s suffering as a list of symptoms to check off a list in order to create a diagnostic label for treatment and billing purposes and outright IGNORES the CAUSE of their suffering, then that therapist has failed their client. The schools that teach psychiatry/therapists are largely responsible because they perpetuate lies; how different the world of therapy would be if they included certification in nutrition along with therapy degrees. What happened to the Hippocratic Oath, To Do No Harm? Well, when you see someone ONLY through a lens of mental illness, ignore the body, ignore the trauma and prescribe medications as a lame attempt to ease symptoms of pain and suffering then you mind as well be holding the smoking gun yourself.
Very well said – we have gun controls in NZ but it hasn’t stopped the death of a beautiful friend of my son’s who was cleaning her teeth on a campsite when her torch headlight was mistakenly identified as a deer’s eye. No murder was intended and the perpetrator did his time for ignoring the set of regulations which “should” have prevented this at many stages along the unfolding of the incident.
Also the recent massacre of Muslims in a mosque in Christchurch should not have happened as all the regulations for the use of the weapons involved were in place…..but circumstances develop and seem to generate a train of events which are just as traumatizing and deserving of care, faith hope and love (as Ruth says) to get ALL the victims through (i.e. family friends and even the wider society); without developing post traumatic stress disorders of their own, which could include rage, revenge, fear and a variety of other difficulties which, left to fester might produce their own horrors in times to come
nor can people in the U.S..
This meditstion brings healing peace. Peace while nothing has changed… Peace while words fly generously. Peace even as the next massacres are likely even now at this peaceful moment, in the planning stages. . . .
Hi Carol
I understand your reasoning but surely it is obvious that even without guns, terrible things happen – for instance a 6 year old boy was flung out of 10th story building for no apparent reason by a random 17 year old in England last week and on my return to NZ I have just read a story about an Australian man who hit an 8-year old girl on the head with a shovel, fracturing her skull, and then raped her. I think that Ruth’s post has far more to do with finding ways of dealing with the trauma and emotions caused by these horrors and less to do with their prevention.
If we really knew the answers to prevention, then we would not have the fear generated by these problems. Guns are only tools and the focus of this post is how to deal with the fallout when all the laws are broken and they are used for mass murder. As for simply “keeping them out of the hands of the unsuitable” (Trump’s position – ie tighten laws against ownership by people with mental health issues); well that is just more of the same – it assumes that we know how to do this.
Unfortunately we do not always recognize mental health issues, either in ourselves or others, but the beauty of Ruth’s post is that it is non-judgemental and offers empathy to all, and a means of finding hope even in the aftermath of the darkest of dilemmas. Moving forward is not only about solving the problem, it is about learning to live again after the unacceptable has happened.
Dear Ruth,
Thank you for this. You say it’s impossible to know what to do or say, in the face of violence. But I think that what you are giving us that’s so valuable is the opportunity to get away from doing and back to thinking. This is the hardest but the most powerful way to turn the tide
Love
Hilary
So true, Hilary — so true!
Thank you so very much for Belleruth’s guided imagery tapes. I have always liked her work. Something we all can use at this sad time.
Anne
I think fostering greater compassion in our communities and our world is the answer. Understanding that ultimately, and in very real and concrete ways, we are not separate. There is no “us” vs. “them”. There is only “us”. Every”thing” exists in a non-stop dance of co-creation.
My brain, based on my past experience (and innumerable other factors) creates an image of you and I mistakenly think, “that is who you are”. I think you are separate from me and responsible for my happiness, pain or suffering. Then I can go to war against you, or recruit you to fight against “them”. I don’t see how I create you, because the cognitive processes that create separation are invisible to us.
It is still important to fight against injustice, to stop those who would harm others. But let’s do so from the understanding that we are all part of the same fabric. All of the evil qualities I project onto the other, are not actually them, it’s just my idea of who they are. And that the actions and words of one group, create the conditions that give rise to the actions of the other. We are each responding to each other in this non-stop dance of co-creation. Let’s be compassionate and kind as we try to change what we see as wrong.
I want to also honor the people of Gilroy and the thousands attending the Garlic Festival there, who were traumatized by running for their lives. While the casualties were not as great due to an amazing police response, 2 beautiful children and a young man were killed, and several parents wounded among others. This incident is traumatic and close to home for millions of Californians. It also was due to hate and deserves our attention as well, and should not be forgotten among the larger tragedies. It occurred in the same week, yet seems on the verge of being forgotten.