For many clients, the holiday season is all about connecting with family and friends.
But this year, with the US election not very far in the rearview, holiday gatherings might feel a little more emotionally charged. . .
. . . especially if your client has dear friends and family who are politically across the aisle.
So in the video below, Usha Tummala-Narra, PhD shares the questions she considers critical to ask, especially when it comes to helping a client navigate differing points of view with a loved one.
Another example is when with some of my clients who are racial minorities, who are struggling with people in their larger friend groups or their social media groups, who they thought were people who were really advocating for racial justice and who cared about them, and yet they’re voting in ways, or they’re supporting policies that feel really hurtful and it’s personal. It’s not something that’s out there. So these are some of the conversations that come up and when I’m trying to help my clients navigate this really complex terrain of how do you not take this personally? Right. In fact, they should take it personally, perhaps because it is about them. So I don’t want to dismiss the significance of what it means when somebody disagrees with you politically at this point, and yet, how do you continue to access the parts of those relationships that still give you meaning and connection and where you feel loved by that person and cared for by that person?
Because for that other person, it may not mean that they’re personally trying to target you or hurt you. They might simply see it as their perspective. So there’s this disconnect also that happens I think, within families and friend groups. And so there’s a way in which I think, obviously the client has to come to their own conclusions about what they want to do with that relationship. But in some cases they might need those breaks from those people. They might need to get away from communicating often with those people or trying to convince them of something because that causes another burden on them.
I have to think very carefully about whether I encourage a client to really have deeper conversations and be vulnerable with the people that they disagree with because sometimes the other person or people may or may not be open to hearing it. They might not actually see this as a vulnerable position for the client. And so we have to think about, well, to what extent will that other person listen to you and really hear what you have to say? What is your best guess at that? And try to reason out who to talk to. Some people might be more willing to hear it and some people probably won’t. And is it worth taking that risk? Is it worth expending your energy and talking about why a political perspective might have personal implications for you.
So I think it is important to balance out and weigh out really, what are the benefits for the client? What does the client need from that interaction? And if they’re looking for a total change of mind, that might not be realistic in a lot of cases, but in other cases it may be that just being able to talk about why it’s important for you, that your loved one understands your perspective with more depth, if that makes sense. And it’s risk worth taking, then I think it’s helpful.
Now this is just one perspective on working with political differences. For additional resources, please check out the links below.
But meanwhile, we’d like to hear from you. How have you helped clients navigate political differences with their loved ones? Please let us know in the comments below.
And in case you’d like to check them out, here are those additional resources:
https://www.nicabm.com/when-political-differences-hurt-relationships/
https://www.nicabm.com/political-differences-through-ifs-lens/
https://www.nicabm.com/political-differences-at-holiday-dinners/
Please Leave A Comment