Trauma can change the brain . . .
. . . but it doesn’t just change the survivor’s brain. In fact, it can actually change the brains of the survivor’s children – in some pretty insidious ways.
Ruth Lanius, MD, PhD explains how traumatic experiences can affect a mother’s children, even if the children themselves haven’t experienced trauma.
Take a look – it’s only 4 minutes.
If you want to hear more about how insecure attachment increases vulnerability to trauma, check out our courses on trauma.
Have you ever worked with parents whose experience of trauma affected their relationship with their children? Please leave your thoughts in the comments below.
l was being carried in a war. I am sure my mother was stressed, given local housing was bombed + their local pub. l have so many learning disabilities. Dyscalculia, no math as a child. l got into ‘Shock’ if a barking dog wakes me, this is called Hyperacusis. cptsd, ADHD, l never connected w.my mother, l effected all female relationships my entire life, l had none. Lost my husband of 40 yrs. recently, this triggered the dormant Dyscalculia, taking over my life, he handled everything related to that, kept it at bay, so now l have major trauma w/dysfunctional Executive Functioning along w/mourning, creating daily Tsunami of stress in me. l was born in 1942 UK.
Ruth, I’ve so enjoyed finding your site and promptly signed up for the series on Trauma Therapy. I missed the first session with Peter Levine which I’ve become very interested in and have started Somatic Experiencing with a practitioner in my area.
As a survivor, I’m continually looking for more tools and am so very grateful for your work and research. Its a very timely and worthwhile contribution!
Laurel
I don’t believe I’ve ever had a male client who has not experienced some form of sadness, despair, loss, affect dysregulation when reflecting back on their childhood vis -a-vis their current parenting experiences.
Certainly, as a father of five I can only thank the gene god for allowing their mother to possess early childhood experiences and memories that to all outward observations over 45 years have enabled her calm, generous, loving emotional strength to be shared generously with the kids!
As for the struggling Father of Five I’m engaging with young Indigenous Australians who are carrying lateral violence from past generations. Their experience of life is coloured indelibly with almost intractable patterns of learned physiological and neurological trauma.
I am inclined strongly to your view that infancy carries enormous risk and also great capacity and that this process is ‘learned’ in ways we yet do not fully understand. What I do know clinically and experimentally is that an infant abused produces an adult who abuses; themselves or others.
I totally agree.
Mine is more personal. My daughter, at age 6, was kidnapped off the school ground and a hippie type tried to kill her. She was waiting for her sisters (triplets) to meet after class (they got out early) according to instructions. Her trauma was terrible, i.e., hysterical in the middle of every night for over two years that I got up with her. Then her father got up with her. Intense fears. I didn’t handle it well because of her intense fears, I wouldn’t let her 5 older brothers/sisters ever mention what had happened to her. As a result, she blocked it out and now in her late 40s because of a car accident, has had flashbacks. I have seen the impact of the trauma on her entire life. She got a degree in counseling to help herself. I became involved in energy release work and hypnotherapy to help her.
I also have my own background in severe sexual, physical, emotional, mental and social abuse. I have studied and read everything I could to help myself. It’s been a long and difficult process for myself and being the parent of someone who has experienced severe trauma. We both have had severe fight/flight/freeze responses. I also have feigned death – invisible as well as wish I could die. My third therapist said I had an equivalent of a PhD in counseling because of all my studies – I just didn’t have the pigskin, but I had something better – the experience. I have 4 children and 2 grandchildren with severe anxiety/panic attacks. I just thought my nerves were bad and didn’t realize what I was experiencing. My children (9) all knew how afraid I was, and I used my children (unknowingly at the time) to get my own needs met. I never allowed myself to cry or to feel. One son said: we lived a hotel existence – everything clean and food on the table and a mom who was a robot and never felt. Hearing that breaks my heart. I couldn’t nurture little children (my husband was good at it though). I was great with the teens though – a gift.
This seems to say that a trauma survivor, no matter how hard they work at being conscious, caring, loving and present with their children are going to fail at raising healthy, well adjusted, happy children. It feels troubling and terribly sad to think that if you were hurt traumatically as a young child, not only does it impact your whole life but your children’s and then their children’s. They say the cycle can be broken but are you saying it can not? This breaks my heart. As a young mother (also while pregnant) I read every book I could find on raising children with love and compassion. I began therapy when my daughter was an infant. I was determined to not do what my parents did and knew I must bring out what was held in my subconscious in order to not put on my children what I didn’t have awareness of. I know I could not be aware of all my wounds but I tried with the best possible intent and awareness.
I would be interested to learn of any research that looks at how trauma experienced by a mother while she is pregnant affects the fetus/infant brain development and how this may manifest later in childhood behaviorally.
I seem to remember Allan Shore, & Bruce Perry referencing studies on the damaging effects of high cortisol levels on the fetus’s brain (chronic levels are harmful to all of us). Beatrice Beebe who has been researching mother infant interactions on video for some thirty or forty years documents attachment patterns in these dyadic interactions that predict secure and insecure attachments as early as when infants are four months of age.
The developmental arrest Dr. Lanius referred to reminded me of a concept I learned about over twenty years ago in my own therapy. It was explained to me as getting stuck in my emotional development at the age at which a traumatic event occurred. For example, if I experienced trauma at age three, and something in my current life triggered that emotional state, a part of me would still feel three years old and react as a three year old would until that trauma was dealt with or healed. Learning this helped me feel less crazy at how I was “overreacting” and couldn’t talk myself out of it with logic. Once the connection was made conscious, logic might or might not work. Sometimes knowing why could be enough if it only involved fear, but logic rarely, if ever, diminished the shame.
To Rebecca, you expressed beautifully my worry over the gap between the damage I have likely done to my children and my intentions as a parent. While I probably did better than my parents did overall, I still agonize and have regrets. I think I have forgiven my parents and there is a certain freedom in that. I also am able to apologize to my kids (they are young adults) for specific mistakes, past and present, which is something my parents were never able to do. I hope that benefits them. And I try to stay aware of how I act and sound to them and the underlying message that conveys. You’re right in that the wheels are always turning.
Thank you Ruth for your excellent presentations on trans-generational and child traumas. I too am an enormous fan of Dr. Bruce Perry and his work. I am so encouraged also after reading the posts here of the courageous stories people are sharing. There is something so deeply confirming when others speak openly of the realities of childhood traumas. You remind me that I am not alone, and that there are a growing number of caring adults who are making an effort to do all they can to understand, learn, and help themselves and others in the trauma healing process.
I was so upset a week or so ago when the NYTimes posted and article about the increase in the numbers of children diagnosed with ADHD, but didn’t even mention the sizable overlap in these symptoms when a child has suffered direct or indirect trauma. How many people know to check for trauma history when they see a child struggling with difficulties in regulation, focusing, and hyperactivity? How many people are willing to look at the sizable overlap, to really connect the dots between childhood trauma, including trans-generational trauma and mental illness or as Dan Siegel says, “mental injury”? Look at the ACE study . . . to just mention one of so many. . . when will our policies begin to reflect what so much research is already teaching us? Thank you all again for your efforts to change the tides.
I have yet to work with parents whose trauma has not affected their relationship with their children. The most extreme was a young mother who had been ritually abused, only when she could feel safe and begin to self regulate ( mainly through SE) could her children feel free to continue with their own development, whilst their mother had been frozen in fear they too had been paralyzed by this.
Growing up in a traumatized, dysfunctional family took a toll on all of our interpersonal relationships, right up to and including the death of my mother. To look at our family “from the outside”, we looked happy and well-adjusted, but unfortunately this was not so. Following the unexpected death of my son, I have been doing a lot of self-reflection as I work through my own grieving process. Uncovering my early trauma, much of which went unnoticed even by me…the therapist…has opened inner doors…that have been stuck shut for decades, just like doors in an old house that are warped and rusty. What’s interesting to me is how this horrendous experience of loss with my son has generated the energy for those creaky, stuck doors to open, not only causing the spilling out of the smelliest trash, but also disseminating the left-over pollution with an incredible Light.
My mother was highly dysfunctional, causing me to grow in her likeness. Most of this followed the untimely, accidental death of my father who died on my birthday. ( never forgiven by her ) Now, I have stepped out of her “skin” and into my own healed Authentic Self. This journey is beyond description. This is something I never expected following the trauma of my son’s unexpected death. How wonderful that we never stop learning and experiencing.
This is a vital area to study particularly for those of us who are involved with intergenerational trauma concerns amongst our Indigenous (First Australians) People.
Hi Clifford, I am a Physiotherapist from Melbourne.
Just letting you know I have a Trauma Release Exercises workshop on this weekend in Brisbane and you may be interested. The process uses simple exercises that new mothers can learn to do themselves after birth by deliberating that deliberately invoke intentional tremors in a safe and controlled way as the body’s natural reflex to discharge unresolved trauma. Fascinatingly in traditional African cultures midwives deliberately keep a mother standing after birth for up to even 1/2 hr until the shaking has completely stopped or they know she will end up with problems post birth. More details about this weekends workshop and the TRE process via their website.
If it is of interest to you, would be great to have you along this Saturday. There are obvious potential links to the Indigenous community so it is really just a matter of finding therapists and organisations working with Indigenous people who may be interested in making this process available to them Regards, Richmond
Hi – looking forward to hearing both Ruths speak on Wednesday.
Ruth Lanius has been such a joy to listen to before. She is a great communicator : clear, up-to-date with scientifically grounded, well thought-out material.
Thanks in advance.
I have worked with clients who have expressed concerns around how their childhood trauma from abuse they suffered impacted on their children and on their relationship with them as they brought them up and as we worked on raising self-awareness and personal acceptance for the client we noticed that for theses particular clients a healthy change in the relationships they have with their children, and as this progressed a noticeable raise in their children’s self esteem and resulting confidence . I have also noticed in particular cases how certain clients were aware of how their children struggled in school in learning but did not realise the connection. I also have vast personal experience of being the child of a woman who suffered from mental illness. This constant yet sporadic mental illness was misdiagnosed many times which led to the poor woman being subjected to numerous and varying ‘treatments’ that ranged from a multitude of different prescribed drugs to the horror of electric shock treatment. I now understand through my experience and through my studies as a person centred psychotherapist that my mother suffered from DID and I feel as her child I suffered from the effect of the childhood abuse she suffered which led to her abuse of me, as well as the trauma through fear that I felt as I witnessed how she continued to suffer within the medical and mental health services.
I appreciate Terry Kellogg’s (et al) work in the recognition & treatment of Children of Alcoholics, including Adult Children. A connection was made stemming from his work with Viet Nam vets linking their PTSD issues with those of the population raised in alcoholic/other drug addicted homes. I’m hopeful CoA’s & ACA’s will be further explored in studies of the brain & its neuroplasticity.
Bonnie Bianchi, LISAC, Prescott, Az.
I’m not a therapist, but I am a trauma survivor and parent with a doctorate in Human Development. I experienced long-term sexual abuse and mind control as a very young child. I’ve grieved to see, in retrospect as my children are all in their 30s, how my chronic depression, dissociative states, numbness, and anger undercut my deliberate efforts to parent my children thoughtfully and mindfully. I knew I wanted my children to have a very present, responsive, and mindful parent who would honor their feelings and individual experiences in ways that I knew my parents had not for me. And I wanted my children to feel very, very secure in exploring their inner and outer worlds. I think I did a reasonable job, looking back, but there were areas, I can see now, where I just couldn’t function the way I had wanted to or even thought that I was.
My “wheels” are always turning, now, trying to make sure that I give my kids corrective experiences to the extent I can. Fortunately, they live close to where I live and we have pretty vibrant, honest relationships that allow much more honest interactions then I ever had with my folks. And I hold my therapist close to my heart, using her whenever I need a strong emotional base.
“Daunting”…perfect word, I was thinking as Dr. Lanius’ clip came to a close. Then read your comment, Rebecca, and had to pause, take some deep breaths, and quiet my heart. Your courage, love, and determination are so present and so powerful.
I made the difficult decison when I quite young to not have children of my own as I didn’t trust myself to keep them safe…was trying so hard to figure things out myself and often not doing a very good job of keeping myself safe on a consistent basis through much of my adult life. Fortunately, I had amazing and wonderful opportunites to express my need to nurture through my professional work and personal relationships.
Your commitment to continuing to grow and your words about your relationships today with your children have put the biggest grin on my face!
So grateful to Dr. Lanius, Dr. Buczynski and so many others for their dedication and work. And so delighted that I have lived long enough to heal myself and to see this knowledge spreading across the world!
How about Bruce Perry? He has been teaching this for years and has been a leader in the juvenile Justice system. He had been working With populations at risk and educating leaders.
I agree with your comment about Bruce Perry. Our early childhood community brought him in more than ten years ago to talk to teachers, therapists and counselors who work with young children. He is brilliant and definitely a leader in the field of childhood trauma!!