A toxic inner critic can often trap our clients in painful patterns of shame, or sometimes leave them frozen in fear.
But according to Rick Hanson, PhD, the inner critic can also serve an important function.
So how can we help clients counteract a harsh inner critic in order to experience healing and growth?
In this short video, Rick shares a useful way of reframing the role of the inner critic for clients, and why it can sometimes be necessary to veer from some of the most common approaches for working with it.
Take a look—it’s about 4 minutes.
Click here for full transcript
How do you help clients break free from a harsh inner critic?
Please leave a comment below.
Because I work with children who have developmental trauma backgrounds, I often use the idea of “Inside Out” and the voices up in our heads that have different roles, this is not totally unlike Dr. Hanson’s caring committee. We focus on what Joy would say or do and explore why the others voices may not be as encouraging or helpful.
…tough time, doing well when especially there are so many chattering. That’s why talk therapy and confidential exchanges in session makes it easier to process. Steps and stone. Bringing the client back for more session for deeper searching to follow up might not be always guaranteed. My work is so client focused . I easily leave them the choice to pursue. Some won’t come back but I know , as being trained, that with much hope that there will be a show.
I help clients with their inner critic by first of all helping them become aware of their inner dialogue (which we all have BUT many people have no idea what I am referring to). They then begin to be aware of what the chatter is that is affecting them. It is at that point that we begin to deal with counteracting/responding to it and taking back their power.
I will work more on with support by using this technique of the “support committee”.
Lovely, I use the approach if listening to where the inner critic comes from and how it makes me feel in my body , excitement fright in the belly area or sadness that cause me to not being able to talk back , acknowledging numbness there and then, I would use the technique that is shown by many in the videos like hold on to the chest and heart area and feel that you are here or it is here and helps you to center in the present . It will download by itself and the calm will settle. This is the most efficient way I can think of to encourage my client to shift from the right to the left brain, with no fear of being wrong.
Thanks for the example, Rick and there is an alternative to the view you project – as I understand it. Sometimes we have to stand up for ourselves. In your example, of course, you were the learner and ‘one down’ in relationship to more expert colleagues.
Even so, poor teachers/trainers can change only if they get information to enable that change.
I say this as psycho-education is a key part of my psychological practice. It helps me when clients notice what I can do better (or, at least, differently), and tell me about it!
One of the most important ways I can be helpful to anyone else whose inner critic is bullying their lives is to recognize my own, practice what I preach, and nurture myself first, even my harsh critic.
I have found the HeartMath meditation has been extremely helpful in re-learning to connect mind and body. That has a great effect on sleep and de-stressing when using it before and after a long day.
Sounds good. Enhancing strengths and working on positive assets.
I am seeking to counter my harsh inner critic by developing more self nurturing through meditation on experiences of and actions around self care. As well as self focusing skills.
I have some experiences wit parts and have accepted the frame of welcoming and understanding and building a team or committee of my parts. So many of the suggestions and descriptions make a lot of sense and I am planning to use them in my own rebuilding life! Thank you.?
Rick’s perspective is so helpful, to help inner nurturing grow alongside that inner critic, to grow a better balance within. Thank you!
wonderfull
Thanks very helpful!!
I probably help them in a similar way using 2 chair work or 4 or 4 chair work! The most helpful thing I learnt when doing my MBCT training was not to try and punch the inner critic away but listen to what its saying and perhaps its trying to be helpful and keep me safe – albeit a bit misguided. Like my mum was always criticising me because she wanted a perfect child!!! So I try to befriend the inner critic but I will now look at what Rick Hanson is saying and listen to the distinction and ask what feels helpful.
I usually invite the inner critic to talk to me, ask what it thinks of the therapy, what it wants, what it cares about.
Great subject and very helpful. That committee in there can turn our lives around. First we have to dethrone that inner bully and make way for self-guidance and self-support, instead of self-abusiveness.
We have learned how to use Essential Oils to dissolve the negative voice – it is often a leftover from a negative or traumatic experience, trying to protect us from experiencing that pain again – but when we trace it back to the triggering memory we can re-consolidate the memory through the sense of smell. What emerges is either silence or a positive, affirming attitude and guidance about the situation.
First, this is presented in relationship to the client, after holding space for the client through compassion skills. Many are not ready to transform, until there is a place of safety. When they are able to consider change, it starts by being curious about the reasons why they keep the inner critic. They can then let go of the harsh person they entertain, (argue with and believe) and can embrace the value connected with guidance.
I have learned from Ann Weiser Cornell that a criticizing part is nearly always, or always, a worried or concerned, even afraid, part that wants to protect me from something it doesn’t want me to have to go through. If I turn toward it with interested curiosity and ask it if it is worried or concerned there is nearly always a “yes” with a noticeable shift in my relationship with it. I can then listen to what it is worried about. I become an empathic listener to the part that was criticizing me.
I’ve been coaching 20 years and one tooling use is guided visualizations to flesh out the harsh and caring voices. This creates more objectivity. Drawing both committees and their members and exploring their roles helps develop an acceptance and working relationship with these parts. Above all self compassion!
The balancing of inner voices blesses the client with more supportive helpful information. All parts have functions, they may need encouragement to become truly helpful.
I use many important concepts I have learned right here at NICABM! I am using self compassion concepts from your recent course including mindful awareness of the voice and the feeling, acceptance of the suffering, the universality of it, and practicing new words of affirmation. I recently had a teen who was just hating on herself for bad decisions. Mom and dad were so angry and afraid they were brutalizing her with their words. Best thing I did was parent education of the consequences of their words with an example like Rick’s, helping them understand the difference between consequences for actions/guidance versus cutting someone down.
I am a new therapist who is specialized in treating patients with anxiety. Although I am very confident in this topic, and have experienced many attacks, I know it doesn’t works the same way for every one. Those are very useful tool that will become handy for my sessions with my anxious clients. I am very thankful and greatly appreciate your sharing.
I have spent twenty four years in therapy. I am 45 and there is not a day I complaint about the turning of how life “unfold”. My therapist of 7 years says that it is just st a bad year, and ok to whine. Great. Acceptance therapy has its own process but for now I learn to become a good mother to my four sons who are all grown and successful. They are my life. And it hasn’t been any different about how insecure feelings arise about holding and keeping on “trying” to make it last, as kids grow fast . Feelings don’t comes easily about not being afraid to be alone as those will have their own life. Right, looking ahead into the future looks uncertain and all. How to stay strong when the world keeps revolving and you have to persuade yourself that you are not at fault and just pretend as if it is universal. That’s what helps most to overcome my inner critical facet of my character. Thanks you for many who gave so much through the support in the writings. Best,
As a general observation, not focused on you, Ina:
The fact that a psychological therapy can last 24 years, or 7 years, should immediately suggest that it is not anywhere near as effective as it should be. Much treasure must be being handed over to one or more therapists, to NOT bring the client to the point where they are sailing, competently, on their own, with their psychological health.
Just saying…
Thank Dr. Hanson!
I explore the different A.N.T’s= Automatic Negative Thoughts by having my client address their inner Child needs, Adolescent complaints, Critical Parent criticisms and seek to identify their Balanced Adult. this requires some psycho education on my part and slowing down and responsible listening on the clients part.
I like how Rick talks about to befriend with the inner critic, and not to take it for granted, which i usually do. This is pleasantly hopeful to see that by conversing with your inner critic there is a way out of the argument. I love to see how I have grown from going deeper and listening to my own voices to being my inner critic’ critic! hahaa. It is a great tool to keep in mind, of course.
To the contrary to the common belief, the communication between two persons can be essentially at the root of the problem. This would not be applicable if it is about a parent’s harsh words and indifference.
Marvelously , thank you for the video.
Rick Hanson presents in a very sensible way how to give the brain the space. I haven’t had the chance to explore his writings yet, it is in a prospective list. Kudos!
That is a superb parenting video. It is also very applicable to the workplace and of course everywhere. Just a small shift in attitude from critic to guide would make a big difference.
it is hard for me to understand this as I am not a practitioner … and single out then… it looks more like having a permissible style of parenting, but it can be adapted .
I can see myself getting upset for not seeing how hurtful it can b. Hearing my own voice cursin losing my mind overslept
To use your inner critic in a more positive experience is to gain as many perspectives as u can. U can also research more facts to gain a wide open descusion with family or partner . write a detailed list of possibilities before u melt down
Good idea, tx
Have to beat myself up sometimes to from wherever I was in the bottom. Been down on to myself. A video that has a great benefit and been a help. Thanks.
We can only do with what we only had. Sounds pessimistic but I can’t get more narcissist than what I got from past
???The more the merrier ?? caring committee sounds like group meeting ? to me. I pass. Thanks.
I try to encourage self nurturing but it can be difficult especially if in childhood they had a critical parent and they expect other people’s criticism l.
I really like the idea if the caring committee and changing the inner critic to that of guidance. I think I will use Rick’s rock climbing example..
Very interesting use of Strength -based approach and does make sense here and effectively I will use this to in my work very soon . I will keep this in my tool box in case. Thank you very much ch.
This is excellent advice. Loved the video and story of different coaching styles. I agree it is much easier to have the inner critic take on a more nurturing role, rather than spend time trying to get rid of it. Thank you!
I use a strength-based approach, allowing community members to see what they do well, and asking them what they need to improve and work together to see how they can get to that goal.
I can hard on myself but I look at what I need to do differently, and what kind of learning am I getting from my emotions.
Thank you . I have a harsh inner critic and thus video has been most helpful x
Thank you, I agree that harsh critics coming from my mother have stayed with me for a long time. I have given myself permission to let my guard down and use strategies I have learned from my longtime friend and therapists.
Yes to the healing committee! I like to add rich detail to the voices to for auditory focus or visuals for visually focused clients.
I also like to lead them through playing with the critic voice. Making it squeaky or cartoony has led many to smiling at what was an intimidating, dominating presence.
Thank you for such an insightful vignette!
I work with adolescents who have often internalized the harsh and critical voice of their parents/caregivers. So when they say something negative about themselves, I ask them “whose voice is that?” Trying to help them separate that internalized harsh voice from their own. I love the idea of the caring committee and will use that in my work. Thank you!
Beautiful:0
Thank you for this engaging vignette. The idea of the caring committee is so positive and utilizes the healing attribute of humor as well.
If the inner critic is 6 months trying to master object permanence and experiences separation and abandonment..where can I start healing her. Trauma left her dissociated with PTSD
Hi Diane
Find a beautiful photograph of yourself as a little girl…and go back and tell her how much you love her everyday… don’t let your adult self abandon her … look after that little girl within you… you’ve got her this far haven’t you.. reassure her everyday… with an affirmation…
‘I am safe – all is well’ ..,if you want to know more… as a licensed teacher of Louise Hay’s work… I highly recommend her book ‘You Can Heal Your Life’.
Many blessings
Debbie ❤️
Talking gently to the inner critic allows the child within to be connected to a safe place that is a secret garden and is the most important affirmations that one can give and tell to one self , as “I am proud of you”, “you ‘ve done so much to stay strong, fragile and now strong”! Much love and thanks
I often use the same type of technique except I add the practice of the experience of the helping committee and help them to nurture balance by asking the inner critic if, everyone let’s this part in on what’s happening, can it feel safe that these others wont just let anything happen…that they care too about what needs to be done. When everyone is working toward the same goal, the inner critic usually will take a back seat.
I often point out to my clients, how harsh they are with themselves… I then ask them if they would be so harsh in judging someone else in their lives, a loved one, a friend, their child… they are often shocked and say: No, of course not, that would be really unfair and cruel…
I then gently guide them back to looking at themselves and their own self talk and ask them to look really closely and with some amount of tenderness at how they treat themselves. we then try to work on changing the self talk to something more gentle, forgiving and caring.
i really love the analogy of the internal caring committee (and to make it a bit goofy!!), I am going to introduce that into our conversations.
awesome stuff, thank you.
Always liked the carrot ? over the prod ????
Love you and Rick Hanson ✨
I really like the idea of developing your own inner caring committee. I use TA concepts a lot in my work and this fits right in! Thank you so much Dr. Hanson for being such a mentor and positive force in training us!!!
Unfortunately, the inner critic appears to have a stronger connection and influence to the subconscious mind. Perhaps because the subconcious responds better to repetition, which means any negative thought that are replaying or stuck in a loop are able to seep their way through. The other factor that makes the subconscious vulnerable, is when the inner critic becomes active during specific states of awareness when the brainwave activity is at its most succebtible to suggestion. Example of this is the type of brain waves that occur during hypnosis and sleep where the subconcious is highly active. The inner critic also triggers at times when we are lost in a mundane task or repeating a physical activity that has us mentally tune out while our body continues to carry out the task on autopilot, which is almost a hypnotising state to be in. This is where mindfulness can be a very effective tool in subduing the inner critic.
I relate it to their friends (I work with young people) and how they might respond to a friend who was consistently critical. Also that they can have a rational dialogue with their inner critic (some two chair work here) rather than believing it and collapsing.