I just read another article on road rage.
Let’s face it . . . some drivers are incompetent and that can be annoying . . . but violence? over someone else’s driving?
Could mindfulness “cure” road rage and help the rest of us calm our righteous indignation?
Probably not wipe it out altogether, but . . .
. . . I have come across one exercise that might be particularly helpful, not just to quell contemptuous, angry thoughts about bad drivers, but for use in a variety of situations.
And if you treat patients with anger-management issues, this exercise, The Ten Thousand Things may be particularly helpful:
Pick a situation in which you feel someone has wronged you. Be mindful of your reactions to this person, especially the deeper ones. Scan yourself for any ill will.Now reflect on some of the various causes – the ten thousand things – that have led this person to act in the way that s/he has.Consider biologically based factors affecting him, like pain, age, innate temperament, or intelligence.Consider the realities of his life: race, gender, class, job, responsibilities, daily stresses.
Consider whatever you know about his childhood. Consider major events in his life as an adult.
Consider his mental processes, personality, values, fears, hot buttons, hopes, and dreams.
Consider his parents in light of whatever you know or can reasonably guess about them; consider, too, the factors that may have shaped their lives.
Reflect on the historical events and other upstream forces that have formed the river of causes flowing through his life today.
Look inside yourself again. Do you feel any differently now about him? Do you feel any differently about yourself?”
This exercise was taken from Dr. Rick Hanson’s Buddha’s Brain.*
For more of his work, check out our mindfulness programs.
What mindful activities do you use to calm anger in your patients?
We invite you to leave a comment below.
*Used with the author’s permission.
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I found Panic Away to be very helpful.. . When you start reading through Panic Away, you?ll learn about the One Move technique, which is a method you can employ to control and, with practice, eliminate panic attacks from your life. The basic idea of it is that you should stop resisting the panic attack symptoms and allow yourself to feel frightened and anxious. Most of the time resisting a panic attack just makes it worse.. . The book breaks the One Move down into a step-by-step routine that is easy to follow. It is a recommended that you practice this before you feel a panic attack coming on. Practice makes perfect and if you have practiced the One Move a few times, you?ll be more prepared to deal with a panic attack when you start to feel anxiety creeping in.. . Since panic attacks can be very unique from one person to another, the Panic Away book also covers how to apply the One Move to other scenarios in a much broader context, so, even if the source of your anxiety isn?t directly covered, you?ll be given instructions on how to address it.. . When you buy Panic Away, you are also given the e-mail address of Barry Joe McDonagh, the creator of Panic Away, so if you find yourself getting stuck anywhere along the way, you can always reach out and get personal help from him. I found the book itself to be very clear, and I never needed the coaching, but it?s good to know that it?s there to make sure you can get the most out of the program.
A very quick mindfulness tool for rude driving that someone told me many years ago and I have never forgotten: Just think that the driver is on his way to the hospital for a life-or-death emergency. That does it for me. Respectfully submitted, Shirley D. Keen, MFT
Take a breath . . . and on releasing it, come into the present moment. Consult your wisdom and realize that at this very moment hundreds, perhaps thousands of people (what the rageful part would call “idiots”) are doing something equally unwise and dangerous – all across the country. Become aware that it is simply a matter of random mathematics that this idiot just happens to be doing it in front of you. But it has NOTHING to do with you, unless you wish to make that choice. You can have no effect whatsoever on him. You realize the cause of all suffering is wanting things to be different from how they are, and choose acceptance. Allow yourself to feel gratitude for the wisdom of the moment.
Another aspect of driving is staying in the here and now as we drive. Paying attention to the air moving in and out of your noses is a great factor. When I remember I also quietly chant. Being cut of certainly triggers a reaction but how often do we drive and we have other stressful images floating into consciousness.
Frustration breeds aggression (Dollard and Miller, 1947?) and territoriality begins with amoebas. Drivers cutting in front impede reaching goals (frutration) and invade personal space, the space left between cars. Hence, arousal is doubly determined in such an act. Arousal management through meditational breathing helps me. Two slow focused breaths and I am free.
Well, if I am really angry with someone cutting me off I would just react and not consider why the other person did that. I react on impulse and that leads to other consequences and I don’t care why they did that but I want to voice my opinion to them just like they did to me. My “mindfulness” is out the window. When I breathe, take account of my actions and why I am reacting the way I am then I can consider the other person’s actions that affected me. I may still be angry but I will have acted responsibly and be able to care for me and hope the other person will get help to care for themselves.
well, here is a different twist… lets imagine that we are heading down a road that is not a good choice for us… and we dont realize it…and we have missed many cues that have come our way to reassess and choose another road…maybe a divine message is sent, or maybe you will call it subconscious …that generates a situation that agitates and causes us to get angry…it is not about the provocative situation…go deeper…it may be about an opportunity to slow down and assess what is going on in our lives…instead of focusing on why someone else is doing something wrong..focus on the opportunity to slow down and assess our own life. face it…the thing that pushes your buttons, does not push the next guys buttons…so, is the issue what someone else did, or how you are responding… When you get angry and agitated, it is an invitation to assess your own life and develop better or new skills
It helps so much to be out of our own ego and really consider what might be going on in someone else’s world. It is empowering to learn that we can react rather than respond. Ruth, thank you for sharing the wisdom of this book with us! Such a gift.
This is one of my favorite exercises.
Little aggravations like someone else’s dangerous driving a re so common. Why should we allow ourselves to feel bad for hours every time this happens? Is dwelling in anger really that enjoyable?
I don’t think so. We usually just end up taking it home and spoiling the atmosphere at home with it.