K C Spivey, Another Field, Albuquerque, NM, USAsays
Tara, your spirit of humble humanity is an inspiration to keep leaning into clarity and kindness towards myself. Thank you. Blessings in your daily rounds of connections.
Thanks for this video. It was a nice reminder to be my own best friend. I was feeling overwhelmed when I decided I needed to rest and this break led me to your video. After doing the activity of sitting with my feelings of overwhelm and offering compassion to my feelings. It subsided because I realized it was my perfectionism and judgment of not being enough that created this feeling of overwhelm. I was able to love myself and remind myself that I am doing my best. ❤️
MaryAnn Niclas, Social Work, Baltimore , MD, USAsays
I just finished watching this video. I did not feel anything. I did not feel self-hatred, nor did I feel self kindness. This is part of the work I am doing in my own therapy now, which is to develop self compassion.
What I was experiencing was a state of agitation. Trying to bring kindness to that resulted in what I can best describe as “rebellion”. My agitated part seemed to be flipping my compassionate part the bird. 🙂
I look forward to your other videos. Radical Acceptance knocked my socks off! Still one of my favorite books.
I still have anxiety manifesting as a pain in my stomach. I was late getting to work and that is just unacceptable. It has happened before. I keep ruminating about it and worrying that it will happen again. I have no excuse. I hit the snooze button and fell back to sleep. I went to bed at a reasonable time, too. I am struggling at work to get organized, too, so I’m anxious about that.
I felt that it was very wrong to accept myself as I am. Unacceptable to say I am ok as I am. Bottom line I’m not really acceptable as I am. Just trying to do that was wrong!
I am a Nursing instructor and my Doctorate in Nursing was in the field of Mindfulness for nurses. I hope to use this to remind myself that I am worthwhile and loved. I will use this to give my students a glimpse of treating others with kindness and compassion, but not to drain yourself doing this.
Tara – I’ve made great strides in kindness to myself but I have a long way to go. I’ve been working on increasing kindness to myself by increasingly practicing it with. others. As I ‘ve retired from a commanding ad frustrating position and have adopted buddhism, my life view and life practice has enabled me to move from a predominant view of self hatred to a view of self-acceptance and at some points, self love.
Thanks Tara … your words most helpfully, reinforce the journey I’ve been taking ie learning to pause to then try and see really what is happening and as for the last bit ‘being kind to my self’ I see in two parts:
– taking responsibility for my stuff and leaving others with theirs’ ie ‘facing and owning’ what is.
– and, as you said, being kind to my self … smiling kindly at my self criticism.
Mahabba Julian, Another Field, Saint Paul, MN, USAsays
Having just experienced a replay of traumatic memory, I found it hard to feel compassion for the person who didn’t/couldn’t act from her true self and made a big mistake. The video helped me to see the process in my mind by which I mercilessly condemn myself, saying I need to “shape up” and recalling all the “concerned” people who offered advice which caused me to feel more inadequate. However, writing this, some of the pressure was released.
Curiously, a sensation of lightening and relaxation in my shoulders and neck. Self- kindness and self-care can be profoundly difficult to, uhm… self-deliver.
I noticed how sad I feel then I spaced out – I didn’t even realize you had asked us to bring kindness to my sadness – as I do it now, I feel some softening and compassion toward myself.
I felt that it is okay to fall/fail and keep getting back up. I may not see instant results from what I choose to do today, but that should not prevent me from following my heart.
I feel like I’ve wasted so much time feeling unworthy; despite my outer life looking completely fine. I find it hard to believe that what looks like a woman who is educated, a professional, a mother and wife, can feel so bad internally. I know better intellectually, and I’ve also had moments, some of them longer than others, of times I’ve been at peace and have felt good in my own skin. I don’t feel in control of maintaining these states and I find myself haunted again with feelings of unworthiness.
Pat Doherty, Psychotherapy, Burlington, VT, USAsays
Ahhh. Relief. I have been giving myself a hard time over a ruptured friendship. Stopping to bring kindness to myself, as I try to do with others, allowed me to take a full, deep breath and and to deepen self-compassion.
I had a momentary softening of the anxiety and self-flagellation I was feeling about being too late to sign up for a meditation class I was thinking of taking (!) because I had a scheduling conflict.
I’m the victim of trauma and i struggle to feel anything because I’ve become so numb it is really hard to feel emotions and identify them. It really has blocked me from allowing myself to feel, along with years of substance abuse to bury the emotions. Now that I’m trying to experience the emotions it’s really hard to access them.
Patricia Tomlinson, Coach, Barringtin, IL, USAsays
I suffer from depression and anxiety. I have low thyroid and am currently going through menopause. My current story is that even if I sometimes feel better I will always fall back into the darkness. So even when I feel better I know it will come back. I’m tired and I struggle with brain fog. When I tried to bring kindness to myself it didn’t really work. It felt rushed in the video.
I will never be good enough…. I live to others expectations and my heart always tells me I can do anything, I have more talent than my entire family put together … I can’t let it go
I love the video, but how do you forgive yourself. I have made mistakes and I guess I feel I do not deserve the things I want because at times I am not kind or loving to others.
Judi Lane, Another Field, San Francisco, CA, USAsays
Bringing kindness to what I was experiencing — sense of sadness and loss — at first felt fake, as if it wasn’t genuine, and I resented the effort. My unworthiness reared up to inform me I didn’t deserve the kindness. But as I took several deep breaths, the resentment lessened enough to know that I wanted it. I didn’t quite feel deserving of the kindness, but I knew it was something I wanted and needed. Baby steps.
Just thinking the whole video about a client expressing all these same expeiences and whether it would benefit her to hear this video. Key is the idea of the trance and how to deal with it.
My own journey is somewhat similar but many years of therapy worked.
It is frequently so difficult to soften the “not enough” voice inside, often because I’m so accustomed to its presence I no longer hear it. It just whittles away at the sweet soul of my heart and I end up feeling like a beaten down dog, often without really knowing why.
That mean internal dialogue has frequently become the background narration to my life, the internalized (m)other who can never be pleased. The painful first step that I have to keep coming back to is to recognize its presence, its voice. Although painful, it brings light to the shadows. Only then am I able to have a conversation with that harsh (scared) part of me. And then embrace it, show it the love that it didn’t get, that it cannot yet give.
Thank you for this series, for the reminders of worthiness, for all of your inspirational work!
Your story made me realize how deeply stuck i get – again and again – in this trance of unworthiness and how much i judge myself for it (this should not happen, i should be able to see through and overrule these feelings, cycle of negative thoughts in the background, addictive online behaviour etc.). I felt sadness for this “extra” judgement i impose on myself next to all the other criticisms. I see how much i am always trying to flee from the pain inside. Now i feel relieved to see this mechanism. I feel space inside, something opened up and softened. I feel warmth and love and it makes me want to weep – in a good way.
Genevieve Fulton, Counseling, Larkspur, CA, USAsays
I get an opening in my chest and heart space when I did that meditation. Then I heard some bubbles in my stomach, my breathing deepened and I felt a deep sense of relief.
I feel more forgiving of myself, and as a result I feel more compassion for those who’ve found fault with me. I am flawed, and I can be with this thought without judgement realizing that we all are.
I cried because I am in the exact state you described and have been avoiding it and myself through reading and Netflix. Tried to tell myself to feel these feelings which I have been “shoving down” are okay and to let myself feel them. I hope I can rewatch this video many times as I do not always get everything in one go. As well, the shortness of the video, for me, was helpful in that you did not cram too much too think about in a long diatribe. Thank you.
PS I could not find a Profession to match me: I am basically self-employed most of the time: Gardener, Landscaper, Painter, Safety Advisor, etc.–but chose counselling because I could not find anything to fit.
This hit home on many levels as I am aging, still thrive in my professional love and life helping others. Being with kindness has always been my goal in life for self and others. It is what I watch for–feel for! Once on a ski slope I suddenly realized the derivative of the word Kind–Kin, kindred, like kind. kinship…. As I came up with multiple word running, it was enlightening.
Appreciate your video on compassion as it is imperative we regard ourself, others and society with compassion. It can be so easy to get off track, spiraling down.
Thanks. We need this kind of strength you provide in your own kindness and compassion sharing. We are not alone. So many people these days do feel alone. We need to be “our own best friend.”
Tara, the experience opened a flood gate of emotion – tears of sadness and doubt and – also relief and kindness. Almost a reunion between awareness and my self – bringing them back together as one. Thank you.
I felt like a weight had been lifted off of me.
My breathing slowed down and i relaxed.
It’s like hugging a child who’s suffering and giving them all of your love and warmth. It feeds the soul like nothing else.
Tara, your spirit of humble humanity is an inspiration to keep leaning into clarity and kindness towards myself. Thank you. Blessings in your daily rounds of connections.
Thanks for this video. It was a nice reminder to be my own best friend. I was feeling overwhelmed when I decided I needed to rest and this break led me to your video. After doing the activity of sitting with my feelings of overwhelm and offering compassion to my feelings. It subsided because I realized it was my perfectionism and judgment of not being enough that created this feeling of overwhelm. I was able to love myself and remind myself that I am doing my best. ❤️
At first I felt I wasn’t worthy of kindness toward myself. Then I relaxed into it and felt less anxious.
I just finished watching this video. I did not feel anything. I did not feel self-hatred, nor did I feel self kindness. This is part of the work I am doing in my own therapy now, which is to develop self compassion.
My heart was open to the kindness and I remembered many challenges I have already over come.
What I was experiencing was a state of agitation. Trying to bring kindness to that resulted in what I can best describe as “rebellion”. My agitated part seemed to be flipping my compassionate part the bird. 🙂
I look forward to your other videos. Radical Acceptance knocked my socks off! Still one of my favorite books.
I felt peace
I still have anxiety manifesting as a pain in my stomach. I was late getting to work and that is just unacceptable. It has happened before. I keep ruminating about it and worrying that it will happen again. I have no excuse. I hit the snooze button and fell back to sleep. I went to bed at a reasonable time, too. I am struggling at work to get organized, too, so I’m anxious about that.
I felt that it was very wrong to accept myself as I am. Unacceptable to say I am ok as I am. Bottom line I’m not really acceptable as I am. Just trying to do that was wrong!
I am a Nursing instructor and my Doctorate in Nursing was in the field of Mindfulness for nurses. I hope to use this to remind myself that I am worthwhile and loved. I will use this to give my students a glimpse of treating others with kindness and compassion, but not to drain yourself doing this.
Tara – I’ve made great strides in kindness to myself but I have a long way to go. I’ve been working on increasing kindness to myself by increasingly practicing it with. others. As I ‘ve retired from a commanding ad frustrating position and have adopted buddhism, my life view and life practice has enabled me to move from a predominant view of self hatred to a view of self-acceptance and at some points, self love.
Thanks Tara … your words most helpfully, reinforce the journey I’ve been taking ie learning to pause to then try and see really what is happening and as for the last bit ‘being kind to my self’ I see in two parts:
– taking responsibility for my stuff and leaving others with theirs’ ie ‘facing and owning’ what is.
– and, as you said, being kind to my self … smiling kindly at my self criticism.
go well … John Millard (Australia)
Having just experienced a replay of traumatic memory, I found it hard to feel compassion for the person who didn’t/couldn’t act from her true self and made a big mistake. The video helped me to see the process in my mind by which I mercilessly condemn myself, saying I need to “shape up” and recalling all the “concerned” people who offered advice which caused me to feel more inadequate. However, writing this, some of the pressure was released.
Curiously, a sensation of lightening and relaxation in my shoulders and neck. Self- kindness and self-care can be profoundly difficult to, uhm… self-deliver.
Feelings of the opening to understanding. Breathing kindness in.
John
I noticed how sad I feel then I spaced out – I didn’t even realize you had asked us to bring kindness to my sadness – as I do it now, I feel some softening and compassion toward myself.
I feel calmer
I felt a little calmer.
I felt a softening, tiny bits of tenderness peeping through.
I felt that it is okay to fall/fail and keep getting back up. I may not see instant results from what I choose to do today, but that should not prevent me from following my heart.
I feel like I’ve wasted so much time feeling unworthy; despite my outer life looking completely fine. I find it hard to believe that what looks like a woman who is educated, a professional, a mother and wife, can feel so bad internally. I know better intellectually, and I’ve also had moments, some of them longer than others, of times I’ve been at peace and have felt good in my own skin. I don’t feel in control of maintaining these states and I find myself haunted again with feelings of unworthiness.
I felt an immediate release of tension. A tightening sensation in my throat and chest let go.
Ahhh. Relief. I have been giving myself a hard time over a ruptured friendship. Stopping to bring kindness to myself, as I try to do with others, allowed me to take a full, deep breath and and to deepen self-compassion.
I had the feeling to soften, to recognize connection to life and all beings
I experienced a moment of deep peace. I forgot about my loneliness and fear.
I have been working on this for years for myself and now others… what a beautiful way to frame the process. thank you !
I had a momentary softening of the anxiety and self-flagellation I was feeling about being too late to sign up for a meditation class I was thinking of taking (!) because I had a scheduling conflict.
I’m the victim of trauma and i struggle to feel anything because I’ve become so numb it is really hard to feel emotions and identify them. It really has blocked me from allowing myself to feel, along with years of substance abuse to bury the emotions. Now that I’m trying to experience the emotions it’s really hard to access them.
I suffer from depression and anxiety. I have low thyroid and am currently going through menopause. My current story is that even if I sometimes feel better I will always fall back into the darkness. So even when I feel better I know it will come back. I’m tired and I struggle with brain fog. When I tried to bring kindness to myself it didn’t really work. It felt rushed in the video.
I noticed warmth, wholeness and perhaps a sense of greater peace
I will never be good enough…. I live to others expectations and my heart always tells me I can do anything, I have more talent than my entire family put together … I can’t let it go
I love the video, but how do you forgive yourself. I have made mistakes and I guess I feel I do not deserve the things I want because at times I am not kind or loving to others.
I think it is just for persuasion of myself that I am not a failure!
Bringing kindness to what I was experiencing — sense of sadness and loss — at first felt fake, as if it wasn’t genuine, and I resented the effort. My unworthiness reared up to inform me I didn’t deserve the kindness. But as I took several deep breaths, the resentment lessened enough to know that I wanted it. I didn’t quite feel deserving of the kindness, but I knew it was something I wanted and needed. Baby steps.
Just thinking the whole video about a client expressing all these same expeiences and whether it would benefit her to hear this video. Key is the idea of the trance and how to deal with it.
My own journey is somewhat similar but many years of therapy worked.
It is frequently so difficult to soften the “not enough” voice inside, often because I’m so accustomed to its presence I no longer hear it. It just whittles away at the sweet soul of my heart and I end up feeling like a beaten down dog, often without really knowing why.
That mean internal dialogue has frequently become the background narration to my life, the internalized (m)other who can never be pleased. The painful first step that I have to keep coming back to is to recognize its presence, its voice. Although painful, it brings light to the shadows. Only then am I able to have a conversation with that harsh (scared) part of me. And then embrace it, show it the love that it didn’t get, that it cannot yet give.
Thank you for this series, for the reminders of worthiness, for all of your inspirational work!
Your story made me realize how deeply stuck i get – again and again – in this trance of unworthiness and how much i judge myself for it (this should not happen, i should be able to see through and overrule these feelings, cycle of negative thoughts in the background, addictive online behaviour etc.). I felt sadness for this “extra” judgement i impose on myself next to all the other criticisms. I see how much i am always trying to flee from the pain inside. Now i feel relieved to see this mechanism. I feel space inside, something opened up and softened. I feel warmth and love and it makes me want to weep – in a good way.
I get an opening in my chest and heart space when I did that meditation. Then I heard some bubbles in my stomach, my breathing deepened and I felt a deep sense of relief.
I feel more forgiving of myself, and as a result I feel more compassion for those who’ve found fault with me. I am flawed, and I can be with this thought without judgement realizing that we all are.
My sadness softened.
Less tense
Sadness at the realization that everything you described fit me to a tee.
I have a lot of work to do.
There was a brief feeling of sorrow but i felt engaged and interested in knowing more. Then, that feeling soon subsided. Thank you, Tara.
I cried because I am in the exact state you described and have been avoiding it and myself through reading and Netflix. Tried to tell myself to feel these feelings which I have been “shoving down” are okay and to let myself feel them. I hope I can rewatch this video many times as I do not always get everything in one go. As well, the shortness of the video, for me, was helpful in that you did not cram too much too think about in a long diatribe. Thank you.
PS I could not find a Profession to match me: I am basically self-employed most of the time: Gardener, Landscaper, Painter, Safety Advisor, etc.–but chose counselling because I could not find anything to fit.
This hit home on many levels as I am aging, still thrive in my professional love and life helping others. Being with kindness has always been my goal in life for self and others. It is what I watch for–feel for! Once on a ski slope I suddenly realized the derivative of the word Kind–Kin, kindred, like kind. kinship…. As I came up with multiple word running, it was enlightening.
Appreciate your video on compassion as it is imperative we regard ourself, others and society with compassion. It can be so easy to get off track, spiraling down.
Thanks. We need this kind of strength you provide in your own kindness and compassion sharing. We are not alone. So many people these days do feel alone. We need to be “our own best friend.”
I was experiencing pain from the criticism of my adult children and spouse…and O felt sad when trying to bring kindness to myself and tears rolled..
Tara, the experience opened a flood gate of emotion – tears of sadness and doubt and – also relief and kindness. Almost a reunion between awareness and my self – bringing them back together as one. Thank you.