I realized my suffering what caused by my being caught in a loop of second guessing an important life decision, a decision I have thought carefully about for over a year. One week after acting on my choice and feeling excited and positive, I suddenly was attacked by thoughts of doubt, fear, and self loathing. This practiced helped me to “name that tune,” which is always helpful.
I became mindful of underlying dread about being attacked physically or emotionally. I feel dread of unexpected and unprovoked attacks or of betrayals. This results in wariness and fear of vulnerability that makes me less effective than I could be in forming and maintaining various kinds of relationships. Lately, I am getting less affected by dread in my dealings with others, helped by practicing a self-compassion meditation that includes asserting compassion for a wounded inner child who wants to feel safe and secure.
I’ve been having a particularly hard time lately both with work stress and with managing symptoms of chronic pain. Related to my pain, I have an ongoing anger that often interferes with my mindfulness practice. However, today in the idea of “intention to offer care” I simply found myself offering compassion, accepting that it was going to be a long day and I had a lot on my schedule and that it would probably be okay to start the morning with medication for the migraine I could already feel coming rather than expecting my already drained body to “tough it out.” This is, of course, what I would say to a patient but it was liberating to offer the same care to myself.
Inherently, I know to be patient with my feelings, and yet my mind tells me all is wrong about who I’ am. In trying the mindfulness modality I feel more connected to the world around me.
Thank you for this general reminder of paying attention to myself.
This is the second time I have watched this video. The first time was yesterday .There is a lot to take in , I will watch it again to morrow.
I felt expansion and warmth in my body—and more so today . The most important thing for me has been trying to accept the pain I feel when I think about the way I have failed people.This is going to take time. Thank you Tara.
I would love to respond to others who are following this course particularly, those who are so sad. Unfortunately I do not seem to have the technical “savvy ” to do so . I have no words of wisdom but want to send love.
I’m in a highly triggered place at the very moment. Trucks from a production company have surrounded my apartment at seven am because they paid my landlord to shoot here. He did not tell me and instead bellowed at me to just deal with the all day construction. It is a week where so many other key things are hapoenibg and I woke guilty about a family member yelling at me last night. I feel trapped. Overwhelmed and sick with an autoimmune disease. When I did this exercise I felt a flicker of relief or hope that there might be a way or method for me to do right now. Smashing girders. Yelling men. This is how it feels outside and in. And great injustice. Helplessness. Instead of running, fighting, freezing, turning inward with curiosity and care. I’d like to learn anything that truly helps and offer it to others who have tools and no access to trauma therapy.
Hi Dakota. I just wanted to say I understand and empathize with you in how hard it is to deal with the noisy construction around your home. I experienced that myself recently and it really brings on another challenge on top of what’s already going on. But I also really found myself dealing with it so much better by recognizing the old experiences and emotions the noise triggers in me, then accepting those painful things (again and again) and then reminding myself I am ok, the noise is not pleasant but neither is it actually attacking me personally like I was attacked as a child, and then shifting into being present with both my child feelings and my adult feelings, kind of balancing them, and then the noise was much less frustrating and fear provoking. It’s like accepting both the pain and the comfort together. I hope this helps.
It’s amazing what insight you brought out in me that all this information you are giving I can so relate too ! Really bringing everything out in the open and being able to identify where I truly am with myself
I’ve been practicing yoga, in all its forms, and other awareness practices for over 10 years. While it’s helped me live a more open and generous life, it didn’t prevent me from falling into depression when l got hit with a difficult year. The sense of loneliness and being broken has been there since as far back as I can remember.
I think the suffering is due to various traumas, the absence of an environment where I could learn resilience skills and I assume that my biological makeup made me particularly sensitive to whatever happened.
I am working on sensing how I feel all the time. With compassion.
When sensing myself, I often feel numb. Compassion does not come easily, either.
Thank you very much Tara for your generous and loving support.
The idea of first focusing my attention and on myself, giving myself what I need, caring for myself, loving myself and being good to myself, leads me to a great inner emptiness.
Now I understand this emptiness feeling. I’m on my way to fill this empty space up.
Hi Heather. I just want to let you know I understand how it feels like what you’ve described, especially “it’s like being terminally cut off from the world, of not belonging to this time and of being unable to connect.” I think the more high functioning you are, the acute awareness and intelligence, and a certain kind of unusual objectivity in seeing the world makes the journey of autism that much more lonely feeling and painful. Just know you are not alone, and someone out there “gets it” to an extent.
I’m 44 I’ve had these feelings all my life kept them in and have numbed them with prescription drugs. Have decided after many attempts after experiencing ill mental and physical health to reduce and be free from them so I can be my true self and deal with my feelings and heal myself.
I’m at the beginning of my journey and hope to stay on track as I really need to make alot of changes to become well.
So identified with your sharing, Tara. When I sat with what was present for me I noticed a stilling, and an interest, in what was going on for me, in what I was feeling. Realise as I write that there is a word for it… seems like kindness. I stopped and paid attention as opposed to judging and walking by. I wanted to know.
Beautiful, so thoughtful and true… and deep and connecting.
I felt at first all the expectations that life had on me as a parent, teacher and wife…. but when I offered myself kindness, I felt a warm swell of love, compassion… a glow…. just beautiful. Thank you….. thank you for reminding me I am worthy…. I am valued…..
I felt sadness, and the recognition that that it is not my default, but I also felt a sense of relief with the sadness, almost like, ah……I see you, it’s been a while. Tara, your work reaches ‘ME’ in a way that is often not easy to access. Thank you ?
Sitting in my office. Watching the video. Turning my attention inwards. Uff! Wow! There is a lot happening in there, haven’t noticed it yet. Honestly, it is overwhelming, although not even that ‘negative’. I notice the impuls to get out of here…. and then I follow your voice – “Can I be with it?”. Just asking this question with a real intention to explore the answer brings relaxation. Receiving answers like “I’m not sure” , “Maybe” – and accepting those with kindness, bring even more relaxation.
I remember starting with meditation – trying back then to connect with my inner source of compassion and love, I felt only emptiness… a dark empty hole…
Today I just had to close my eyes and ask me “Can I be with it?” , to feel compassion and love floating all over in my body, my inner world.
It was a long way (and sometimes still is) to fill this huge emptiness drop by drop.
It is a wonder – and yet possible and accessible for everyone!
Thank you so much Tara for providing this to us!!!
An inner voice saying I love you. It’s ok to feel sad, bored, lost. You don’t have to be perfect, joyful and grate every moment. Give yourself a hug, accept your present moment with kindness.
I realised that through many years of therapy and mindfulness practice that I have shifted to being a friend – maybe not my best friend who is always there – this friend sometimes goes on holiday for short breaks!!! But I am living my true purpose and I love my life as it’s unfolding. The only part of life that doesn’t feel fulfilled is having a partner – this area of shared intimacy still needs working on and opening to…….. Lynne
Thank you Tara. I felt terrible for a few seconds about my negative feeling then I was able to face the monster, with kindness, and my feelings were not so huge. In fact they were colorful. I’m an artist and they add texture and form and color to life when I let them. Without harming others of course.
Felt sad the way I was treating myself consciously and unconsciously when I lose focus and get caught up with daily chores. I need to work on my mind and body more to help others. Be my best friend to self first and forever. Thankyou
I felt light and relaxed. A smile came on my lips. It felt as if i received permission to be myself …but i now realize it was not you but it was i who gave that permission. Thank you!
In your video practice I would like to have some more time considering the questions— What is happening and Can I be with this . . .
In being with the feeling of lonelyness, it faded away, very fast.
The part where you read the book to us lost me. My pain is different in its origins in trauma. I am still learning not to be my abuser, find the peace, love and compassion deeper down, and accept it as true when applied to me. Between the recent death of my mom, trying to get my fractured family to start to accept each others’ presence and caring for my dad (who has early dementia and now lives alone for the first time ever), I am working at accepting my part as good enough. My actions as good enough. And letting go of results I can not control. And that is my current struggle (last year was my cancer, now gone, and my cat’s, which I managed night and day but was always terminal). The lesson seems the same. I dislike this lesson in my inner being very much. It is painful.
I became calmer and decisive to continue as lovingly as I can in an inflamed international work situation with colleagues . I trust more that doing so, it will be a huge journey of learning for us and also become as such to the trainees we are offering a training. Instead of stepping aside (which I ve been almost doing) I will step out with compassion….
Thank You for sharing, Anni from Finland
Tara: Your video about self-compassion ties in nicely with a process I brought to my men’s group tonight. Each week, we have the opportunity to do a “stretch” and commit take some action in our lives. Usually, the men take a stretch about doing something they put off, don’t really want to do, but think they “should” do it. The process I brought was different. After identifying an instance or two when we experienced strength and fulfillment, consider a stretch that uses that same skill set and will thus enrich you. Thanks for your video. Well done. Paul
I just see and feel hurt inside of me. I don’t know how to offer kindness to my hurt. I just feel breathtaking and excruciating pain. If I knew someone else was feeling this way, I would comfort and cry with them; help them feel loved and valid the best way I could. I don’t know what else to do for them. I definitely don’t know how to help me. It’s consumed my life. It has progressed over the years in to something so heavy, dark, painful and big that I carry every. single. day. I stay in it alone. Most don’t understand or they only help me feel worse. Hurt leads me now every morning. I rarely experience a moment without hurt. It won’t go away. I hate my hurt and “sit with it” every day of my life. Be kind to it?? I don’t know how.
When I asked myself what is going inside.
My answer was: The background music in this video was annoying me. I couldn’t bring block out this distraction or bring kindness. However I listen to Tara often and will repeat this with RAIN. I’ve been in a trance of unworthiness for 40 years or so. It’s so easy to slip back in if I do snap out. Regrets at end of life? I wish that I had started meditating and had access to insight teachings earlier. It took a progressive incurable disease to slow me down enough to sit still. But I did. I am grateful for so many things I took for granted and for kindness. Kindness and gratitude: trance busters.
I noticed during the guided practice that I felt a familiar ‘buzzing’ sensation in my chest & a fairly new cramping in my low belly. While I think some of the cramping has a physical ‘cause’ I do notice when I breathe deeply & bring loving kindness to that area, the cramping eases. This happened during Tara’s guided practice, as well as a softening of the chest sensations.
A beautiful nurturing practice.
Blessings, Tara! ?
I find it so difficult to feel feelings when I am still. I feel so numb most times other than an underlying sense of anxiety and fear. Thank you for your kindness
Practicing kindness brings more love and connection in my life
I enjoyed the video
I realized my suffering what caused by my being caught in a loop of second guessing an important life decision, a decision I have thought carefully about for over a year. One week after acting on my choice and feeling excited and positive, I suddenly was attacked by thoughts of doubt, fear, and self loathing. This practiced helped me to “name that tune,” which is always helpful.
I became mindful of underlying dread about being attacked physically or emotionally. I feel dread of unexpected and unprovoked attacks or of betrayals. This results in wariness and fear of vulnerability that makes me less effective than I could be in forming and maintaining various kinds of relationships. Lately, I am getting less affected by dread in my dealings with others, helped by practicing a self-compassion meditation that includes asserting compassion for a wounded inner child who wants to feel safe and secure.
I’ve been having a particularly hard time lately both with work stress and with managing symptoms of chronic pain. Related to my pain, I have an ongoing anger that often interferes with my mindfulness practice. However, today in the idea of “intention to offer care” I simply found myself offering compassion, accepting that it was going to be a long day and I had a lot on my schedule and that it would probably be okay to start the morning with medication for the migraine I could already feel coming rather than expecting my already drained body to “tough it out.” This is, of course, what I would say to a patient but it was liberating to offer the same care to myself.
Inherently, I know to be patient with my feelings, and yet my mind tells me all is wrong about who I’ am. In trying the mindfulness modality I feel more connected to the world around me.
Thank you for this general reminder of paying attention to myself.
Forgiveness! A lightening.
This is the second time I have watched this video. The first time was yesterday .There is a lot to take in , I will watch it again to morrow.
I felt expansion and warmth in my body—and more so today . The most important thing for me has been trying to accept the pain I feel when I think about the way I have failed people.This is going to take time. Thank you Tara.
I would love to respond to others who are following this course particularly, those who are so sad. Unfortunately I do not seem to have the technical “savvy ” to do so . I have no words of wisdom but want to send love.
I felt the calmness of your voice.
Helped create more calmness in me with a sense of acceptance.
Tears a flow of tears
I’m in a highly triggered place at the very moment. Trucks from a production company have surrounded my apartment at seven am because they paid my landlord to shoot here. He did not tell me and instead bellowed at me to just deal with the all day construction. It is a week where so many other key things are hapoenibg and I woke guilty about a family member yelling at me last night. I feel trapped. Overwhelmed and sick with an autoimmune disease. When I did this exercise I felt a flicker of relief or hope that there might be a way or method for me to do right now. Smashing girders. Yelling men. This is how it feels outside and in. And great injustice. Helplessness. Instead of running, fighting, freezing, turning inward with curiosity and care. I’d like to learn anything that truly helps and offer it to others who have tools and no access to trauma therapy.
Hi Dakota. I just wanted to say I understand and empathize with you in how hard it is to deal with the noisy construction around your home. I experienced that myself recently and it really brings on another challenge on top of what’s already going on. But I also really found myself dealing with it so much better by recognizing the old experiences and emotions the noise triggers in me, then accepting those painful things (again and again) and then reminding myself I am ok, the noise is not pleasant but neither is it actually attacking me personally like I was attacked as a child, and then shifting into being present with both my child feelings and my adult feelings, kind of balancing them, and then the noise was much less frustrating and fear provoking. It’s like accepting both the pain and the comfort together. I hope this helps.
It’s amazing what insight you brought out in me that all this information you are giving I can so relate too ! Really bringing everything out in the open and being able to identify where I truly am with myself
I’ve been practicing yoga, in all its forms, and other awareness practices for over 10 years. While it’s helped me live a more open and generous life, it didn’t prevent me from falling into depression when l got hit with a difficult year. The sense of loneliness and being broken has been there since as far back as I can remember.
I think the suffering is due to various traumas, the absence of an environment where I could learn resilience skills and I assume that my biological makeup made me particularly sensitive to whatever happened.
I am working on sensing how I feel all the time. With compassion.
When sensing myself, I often feel numb. Compassion does not come easily, either.
Thank you very much Tara for your generous and loving support.
The idea of first focusing my attention and on myself, giving myself what I need, caring for myself, loving myself and being good to myself, leads me to a great inner emptiness.
Now I understand this emptiness feeling. I’m on my way to fill this empty space up.
I felt deep sorrow and despair after this exercise. I feel unlovable and unreachable.
No one gets me or understands me.
I have autism. Its like being terminally cut off from the world, of not belonging in this time and of being unable to connect.
Hi Heather. I just want to let you know I understand how it feels like what you’ve described, especially “it’s like being terminally cut off from the world, of not belonging to this time and of being unable to connect.” I think the more high functioning you are, the acute awareness and intelligence, and a certain kind of unusual objectivity in seeing the world makes the journey of autism that much more lonely feeling and painful. Just know you are not alone, and someone out there “gets it” to an extent.
I’m 44 I’ve had these feelings all my life kept them in and have numbed them with prescription drugs. Have decided after many attempts after experiencing ill mental and physical health to reduce and be free from them so I can be my true self and deal with my feelings and heal myself.
I’m at the beginning of my journey and hope to stay on track as I really need to make alot of changes to become well.
So identified with your sharing, Tara. When I sat with what was present for me I noticed a stilling, and an interest, in what was going on for me, in what I was feeling. Realise as I write that there is a word for it… seems like kindness. I stopped and paid attention as opposed to judging and walking by. I wanted to know.
It’s interesting to watch the pains or stiffness is my body with this sort of kindness. Thank you!
Beautiful, so thoughtful and true… and deep and connecting.
I felt at first all the expectations that life had on me as a parent, teacher and wife…. but when I offered myself kindness, I felt a warm swell of love, compassion… a glow…. just beautiful. Thank you….. thank you for reminding me I am worthy…. I am valued…..
I felt sadness, and with the kindness it was a warm feeling around the sadness, and a thought and feeling of not being alone with this❣️
??
I felt sadness, and the recognition that that it is not my default, but I also felt a sense of relief with the sadness, almost like, ah……I see you, it’s been a while. Tara, your work reaches ‘ME’ in a way that is often not easy to access. Thank you ?
Sitting in my office. Watching the video. Turning my attention inwards. Uff! Wow! There is a lot happening in there, haven’t noticed it yet. Honestly, it is overwhelming, although not even that ‘negative’. I notice the impuls to get out of here…. and then I follow your voice – “Can I be with it?”. Just asking this question with a real intention to explore the answer brings relaxation. Receiving answers like “I’m not sure” , “Maybe” – and accepting those with kindness, bring even more relaxation.
I remember starting with meditation – trying back then to connect with my inner source of compassion and love, I felt only emptiness… a dark empty hole…
Today I just had to close my eyes and ask me “Can I be with it?” , to feel compassion and love floating all over in my body, my inner world.
It was a long way (and sometimes still is) to fill this huge emptiness drop by drop.
It is a wonder – and yet possible and accessible for everyone!
Thank you so much Tara for providing this to us!!!
An inner voice saying I love you. It’s ok to feel sad, bored, lost. You don’t have to be perfect, joyful and grate every moment. Give yourself a hug, accept your present moment with kindness.
I realised that through many years of therapy and mindfulness practice that I have shifted to being a friend – maybe not my best friend who is always there – this friend sometimes goes on holiday for short breaks!!! But I am living my true purpose and I love my life as it’s unfolding. The only part of life that doesn’t feel fulfilled is having a partner – this area of shared intimacy still needs working on and opening to…….. Lynne
I felt a sense of softness in my body. I could hold my attention there more easily because it felt light.
I hate myself and think I have never and will never be truly loved. I don’t want to live. It’s too painful.
Thank you Tara. I felt terrible for a few seconds about my negative feeling then I was able to face the monster, with kindness, and my feelings were not so huge. In fact they were colorful. I’m an artist and they add texture and form and color to life when I let them. Without harming others of course.
Iwas coming from a feeling of “ how can I share this with the people I work with” I need to give that more thought. Thank you so much. Josephine
I could feel a release of tension, because I was not judging myself, as I usually do, thank you Tara.
Felt sad the way I was treating myself consciously and unconsciously when I lose focus and get caught up with daily chores. I need to work on my mind and body more to help others. Be my best friend to self first and forever. Thankyou
I felt light and relaxed. A smile came on my lips. It felt as if i received permission to be myself …but i now realize it was not you but it was i who gave that permission. Thank you!
In your video practice I would like to have some more time considering the questions— What is happening and Can I be with this . . .
In being with the feeling of lonelyness, it faded away, very fast.
The feeling of tenderness arose within resulting in some sadness . A sort of longing to receive more tenderness from myself.
The part where you read the book to us lost me. My pain is different in its origins in trauma. I am still learning not to be my abuser, find the peace, love and compassion deeper down, and accept it as true when applied to me. Between the recent death of my mom, trying to get my fractured family to start to accept each others’ presence and caring for my dad (who has early dementia and now lives alone for the first time ever), I am working at accepting my part as good enough. My actions as good enough. And letting go of results I can not control. And that is my current struggle (last year was my cancer, now gone, and my cat’s, which I managed night and day but was always terminal). The lesson seems the same. I dislike this lesson in my inner being very much. It is painful.
Touching and so true!
Thanks for sharing
Gitte
I wish to give myself more
I felt a warm softness in my being.
I became calmer and decisive to continue as lovingly as I can in an inflamed international work situation with colleagues . I trust more that doing so, it will be a huge journey of learning for us and also become as such to the trainees we are offering a training. Instead of stepping aside (which I ve been almost doing) I will step out with compassion….
Thank You for sharing, Anni from Finland
Tearfulness. Softening. A little less striving.
Tara: Your video about self-compassion ties in nicely with a process I brought to my men’s group tonight. Each week, we have the opportunity to do a “stretch” and commit take some action in our lives. Usually, the men take a stretch about doing something they put off, don’t really want to do, but think they “should” do it. The process I brought was different. After identifying an instance or two when we experienced strength and fulfillment, consider a stretch that uses that same skill set and will thus enrich you. Thanks for your video. Well done. Paul
I just see and feel hurt inside of me. I don’t know how to offer kindness to my hurt. I just feel breathtaking and excruciating pain. If I knew someone else was feeling this way, I would comfort and cry with them; help them feel loved and valid the best way I could. I don’t know what else to do for them. I definitely don’t know how to help me. It’s consumed my life. It has progressed over the years in to something so heavy, dark, painful and big that I carry every. single. day. I stay in it alone. Most don’t understand or they only help me feel worse. Hurt leads me now every morning. I rarely experience a moment without hurt. It won’t go away. I hate my hurt and “sit with it” every day of my life. Be kind to it?? I don’t know how.
i felt like there was two of me and that I carry the ability to be a friend to myself, when I have feelings of sadness, or depression, or anxiety
When I asked myself what is going inside.
My answer was: The background music in this video was annoying me. I couldn’t bring block out this distraction or bring kindness. However I listen to Tara often and will repeat this with RAIN. I’ve been in a trance of unworthiness for 40 years or so. It’s so easy to slip back in if I do snap out. Regrets at end of life? I wish that I had started meditating and had access to insight teachings earlier. It took a progressive incurable disease to slow me down enough to sit still. But I did. I am grateful for so many things I took for granted and for kindness. Kindness and gratitude: trance busters.
I enjoyed this and must remember I need to have kindness towards myself,
I noticed during the guided practice that I felt a familiar ‘buzzing’ sensation in my chest & a fairly new cramping in my low belly. While I think some of the cramping has a physical ‘cause’ I do notice when I breathe deeply & bring loving kindness to that area, the cramping eases. This happened during Tara’s guided practice, as well as a softening of the chest sensations.
A beautiful nurturing practice.
Blessings, Tara! ?
At times it’s hard to imagine living with what it amounts to. Today is not one of those days but I will try this when it is…
I wasn’t sure if the kindness was authentic. I think I lost sight of who I am.
I find it so difficult to feel feelings when I am still. I feel so numb most times other than an underlying sense of anxiety and fear. Thank you for your kindness
I felt like I would be alright that I had confidence in myself to work it out
A feeling of warmth came over me. I held my heart tenderly and told myself I matter to me, trust myself. Let go.