It is very good to be reminded to stop and be with myself and have a conversation with myself. We can rush around and not only not pay attention to other but to our selves too. That is not really living or experiencing what we are in? How bezare :). Thank you for helping to myself back to me. X
Thank a lot for your sharring. You are a inspiration and a gift to the World. I have been feeling sad and under pressure for som time. When I brought kindness to my feelings, I felt more lightness, love and Care for myself.
I had a feeling of impatience, intolerance, I saw myself actually blocking the kindness coming towards me, not a comfortable feeling at all.
FYI a few people I know have said, “you are the most kind and considerate person I’ve ever met”
So thank you for this lesson here, I am kind to everyone but me? Big growl.
I have been practicing mindfulness quite consistently for some time and some self kindness. This video helps me realize that concentrating on the kindness is paramount. Thank you!
I contacted how I never felt good enough as a child, how I was compared to others, and always found to be lacking. How I try so hard now, To do the right thing, to be the right thing for people. And how despite all my efforts my friends and partners (now exes) always see the flaws in me and yet they also seem to miss the flaws in others or tell me how the others lack confidence so they can’t help the way they are. In short, my friends seem to back up and support others but not me. I contacted and cried for all this. I know I’m not good at vulnerability. Maybe that’s it. I learned to hide my real feelings immediately. Do people really imagine I don’t have them, I wonder?
Most people avoid those with mental illness. I stopped feeling unworthy decades ago, but have no idea how to handle the accusations or unwillingness of even my own children wanting to be my family, my loved ones. Even expecting no care from them, still i feel forced to dissociate. As my daughter said You need so much we can never give that. So they give nothing? No support. Believe i should be grateful that i am allowed to visit my grandson once a month for a few hours? I do not feel welcome in her house or her family. A son in law who never made any effort for any emotional connection. She promised me after she got dumped from her relationship before this one, that this time she would only go for a partner that wanted to have a connection with her family. She also promised to keep our relationship going, despite her moving away 3 quarters of an hour drive. She visited one evening a week before, had a lot of telephone calls about her issues at work and such, one morning every 2 weeks to help me with things my brains could not deal with any longer. None of the promises kept. But she is happy, pregnant with her second child and i feel unhappier in the relationship more each day. Emotionally neglected, depersonalized, dissociated, unreal and unwelcome and when i discovered she had not told her partner that my oldest son had wanted to suicide himself i realized this is never going to change. My family broken down is not going to have a restart. They just don’t care. Possibly all this NLP/New Age teaching that you become who you hang out with and should only hang out with positive, successfull people, Oprah Winfrey, Bill Gates, always the rich people, has something to do with it. Pooh Bear knows it better than humans these days. It occurred to Pooh and Piglet that they hadn’t heard from Eeyore for several days, so they put on their hats and coats and trotted across the Hundred Acre Wood to Eeyore’s house. Inside the house was Eeyore.
“Hello Eeyore,” said Pooh.
“Hello Pooh. Hello Piglet” said Eeyore, in a Glum sounding voice.
“We just thought we’d check on you,” said Piglet, “because we hadn’t heard from you, and so we wanted to know if you were okay.”
Eeyore was silent for a moment. “Am I okay?” he asked, eventually. “Well, I don’t know, to be honest. Are any of us really okay? That’s what I ask myself. All I can tell you, Pooh and Piglet, is that right now I feel really rather Sad, and Alone, and Not Much Fun To Be Around At All.
Which is why I haven’t bothered you. Because you wouldn’t want to waste your time hanging out with someone who is Sad, and Alone, and Not Much Fun To Be Around At All, would you now.”
Pooh looked and Piglet, and Piglet looked at Pooh, and they both sat down, one on either side of Eeyore in his stick house.
Eeyore looked at them in surprise. “What are you doing?”
“We’re sitting here with you,” said Pooh, “because we are your friends. And true friends don’t care if someone is feeling Sad, or Alone, or Not Much Fun To Be Around At All. True friends are there for you anyway. And so here we are.”
“Oh,” said Eeyore. “Oh.” And the three of them sat there in silence, and while Pooh and Piglet said nothing at all; somehow, almost imperceptibly, Eeyore started to feel a very tiny little bit better.
Because Pooh and Piglet were There.
No more; no less.
This is beautiful. The bit from Pooh Bear, I’m in floods of healing tears. Thank you. As to your situation, which is so painful, my guess would be both you and your daughter are deeply hurt and can’t yet find a bridge to each other across the hurt. Yet you both want to find it. Namaste.
Hi Tara, your words gave me hope and strength to continue to cope with a difficult situation that has been going on for many months. Reinforcement that I need to give myself a break and expect too much from myself- giving to others. When I think of being kind to myself it makes me reconnect with my heart and although emotionally painful gives me the insight that I have tried to do the best I can and need to let some things go. Thanks so much
I have endured chronic pain for 10yrs 24/7 …Medically retired Probation Officer,Trained Yoga teacher and practitioner of 30 yrs Professionally trained Life Coach, Kabbalah student for 6 yrs at this time.. Dog, horse owner..
So, all in all good skill set… !!!!
However…
I need to rest alot and noticed how sad and depressed i felt when i needed to retreat to my bed.
I focused on my self talk … it went …
You’re a failure because you’re ill with pain ..you are no use to anyone now …
Yep ! I became suicidal.. but dug my self out of it with proper mindfulness , kindness and compassion to my self ! It’s an amazing shift of energy!!!! Love it!! I am 2 years with my new mindset and Happy in my pain !!
I realized I felt lonely and tears came. Accepting that, and being with this feeling, instead of trying to fight it off to be ”strong” made me smile. I’m ok and it’s ok to feel lonely.
I could feel sad and calm at the same time. I realize the need to be kind to myself, but have been staying busy to avoid feeling. I lost my husband in Feb of 2018. Bringing awareness to my heart space was helpful. It was helpful to allow myself to feel.
I felt sad, but then my inner voice told me I don’t have time to care for me because I’m too busy caring for others. I felt stuck and then feelings from over 30 yrs ago crept in and I felt the hurt then the anger.
Thank you for sharing this. When invited to meet what was present for me, with kindness, I felt both enveloped by love and expansive at the same time. I felt a deep sense that everything was going to be alright… gratitude…
I felt a sense of lightness, freedom…. I felt like my own best friend, as I would if I were helping my own best friend and the feelings of encouragement that I would be feeling…..towards helping her feel loved and ok. I felt loved.
The profound realisation that I need to fill myself with the kindness that I reserve for others. I live a life of kindness and giving in my role as parent, sibling, friend and early years educator. I need to internalise kindness to myself first. I enjoyed your video so much, albeit amidst the very much needed flowing tears.
I am feeling hopeful, but realizing that I need to hear more about healing myself/my life. I want to move forward with this concept but it’s too easy to fall back into the habit of feeling unworthy and judging myself for the way I feel. Thankyou. Can I learn more ? Any suggestions are so welcome.
I feel that those feelings never truly go away…. but they definitely lessen with practice, patience and lots of nurturing. I needed to act my way into right thinking I could not think my way into right action…. SO…. I found that helping others when feeling truly low, and not at work…. also personal meditation practice, yoga practices and simply cultivating positive thoughts…gratitude….. it is a slow process, however it works… Also I have found that working in groups pertaining to my specific needs was super helpful. Hearing others and how they feel and share how they make it through, living in the solution so to speak, this has been the most enlightening…. I did not feel so unique or alone when listening in person, and sharing. many blessings. xx
I found that I do and have treated others, at times, the way I’ve treated myself…with judgment, hurt, and shame. I have recently been wanting nurturing..and now I realize I need to give it to myself.
Felt doubt. Not on your theory. I doubted myself. My ability to move from the space of low self worth. But immediately to self coach through the difficulty. Feeling hopeful now. I like the feeling of self compassion. Probably something I rarely showed myself.
The thought had not occurred to me. To practice kindness in that moment. To approach my vulnerability with compassion had never occurred to me. That wasn’t a mental model that I had seen, learned or developed. When you asked the question I had no answer. I had nothing.
Sydney Haggerty, Another Field, Dover Foxcroft, ME, USAsays
I am in a mood of excitement and joy. Bringing kindness and care to this makes me want to dream bigger and take more action toward my creative endeavors and practice in the service of others. Caring about this feels like I can support myself in a more nurturing and fun way.
Marcela Washington, Other, los angeles, CA, USAsays
I felt a sense of peace and calm as a result of acknowledging fully what I was experiencing, even today around taking personal responsibility to be kinder to myself rather than seek kindness from others. Judgement of others seemed to dissipate the more I offered kindness to myself!
Trying to bring kindness to a lifetime of selfdoubt was very difficult. My inner judgement voice is very strong, very loud, and very adept at taking over any sense of kindness. But I also know that when I practiced mindfulness a number of years ago I was able to quieten my internal judgemental voice – it took time and effort but I do remember. This brings me hope!
I told myself it’s okay and acceptable to feel how I’m feeling. I still feel shame. The self-critic doesn’t recede easily but there is an element of not falling victim to the inner judge. Accepting myself as I am.
It is very good to be reminded to stop and be with myself and have a conversation with myself. We can rush around and not only not pay attention to other but to our selves too. That is not really living or experiencing what we are in? How bezare :). Thank you for helping to myself back to me. X
Thank a lot for your sharring. You are a inspiration and a gift to the World. I have been feeling sad and under pressure for som time. When I brought kindness to my feelings, I felt more lightness, love and Care for myself.
I started to cry.
I had a feeling of impatience, intolerance, I saw myself actually blocking the kindness coming towards me, not a comfortable feeling at all.
FYI a few people I know have said, “you are the most kind and considerate person I’ve ever met”
So thank you for this lesson here, I am kind to everyone but me? Big growl.
I have been practicing mindfulness quite consistently for some time and some self kindness. This video helps me realize that concentrating on the kindness is paramount. Thank you!
I forgave myself
I contacted how I never felt good enough as a child, how I was compared to others, and always found to be lacking. How I try so hard now, To do the right thing, to be the right thing for people. And how despite all my efforts my friends and partners (now exes) always see the flaws in me and yet they also seem to miss the flaws in others or tell me how the others lack confidence so they can’t help the way they are. In short, my friends seem to back up and support others but not me. I contacted and cried for all this. I know I’m not good at vulnerability. Maybe that’s it. I learned to hide my real feelings immediately. Do people really imagine I don’t have them, I wonder?
Most people avoid those with mental illness. I stopped feeling unworthy decades ago, but have no idea how to handle the accusations or unwillingness of even my own children wanting to be my family, my loved ones. Even expecting no care from them, still i feel forced to dissociate. As my daughter said You need so much we can never give that. So they give nothing? No support. Believe i should be grateful that i am allowed to visit my grandson once a month for a few hours? I do not feel welcome in her house or her family. A son in law who never made any effort for any emotional connection. She promised me after she got dumped from her relationship before this one, that this time she would only go for a partner that wanted to have a connection with her family. She also promised to keep our relationship going, despite her moving away 3 quarters of an hour drive. She visited one evening a week before, had a lot of telephone calls about her issues at work and such, one morning every 2 weeks to help me with things my brains could not deal with any longer. None of the promises kept. But she is happy, pregnant with her second child and i feel unhappier in the relationship more each day. Emotionally neglected, depersonalized, dissociated, unreal and unwelcome and when i discovered she had not told her partner that my oldest son had wanted to suicide himself i realized this is never going to change. My family broken down is not going to have a restart. They just don’t care. Possibly all this NLP/New Age teaching that you become who you hang out with and should only hang out with positive, successfull people, Oprah Winfrey, Bill Gates, always the rich people, has something to do with it. Pooh Bear knows it better than humans these days. It occurred to Pooh and Piglet that they hadn’t heard from Eeyore for several days, so they put on their hats and coats and trotted across the Hundred Acre Wood to Eeyore’s house. Inside the house was Eeyore.
“Hello Eeyore,” said Pooh.
“Hello Pooh. Hello Piglet” said Eeyore, in a Glum sounding voice.
“We just thought we’d check on you,” said Piglet, “because we hadn’t heard from you, and so we wanted to know if you were okay.”
Eeyore was silent for a moment. “Am I okay?” he asked, eventually. “Well, I don’t know, to be honest. Are any of us really okay? That’s what I ask myself. All I can tell you, Pooh and Piglet, is that right now I feel really rather Sad, and Alone, and Not Much Fun To Be Around At All.
Which is why I haven’t bothered you. Because you wouldn’t want to waste your time hanging out with someone who is Sad, and Alone, and Not Much Fun To Be Around At All, would you now.”
Pooh looked and Piglet, and Piglet looked at Pooh, and they both sat down, one on either side of Eeyore in his stick house.
Eeyore looked at them in surprise. “What are you doing?”
“We’re sitting here with you,” said Pooh, “because we are your friends. And true friends don’t care if someone is feeling Sad, or Alone, or Not Much Fun To Be Around At All. True friends are there for you anyway. And so here we are.”
“Oh,” said Eeyore. “Oh.” And the three of them sat there in silence, and while Pooh and Piglet said nothing at all; somehow, almost imperceptibly, Eeyore started to feel a very tiny little bit better.
Because Pooh and Piglet were There.
No more; no less.
Author – AA Milne
Illustration – EH Shepard
This is beautiful. The bit from Pooh Bear, I’m in floods of healing tears. Thank you. As to your situation, which is so painful, my guess would be both you and your daughter are deeply hurt and can’t yet find a bridge to each other across the hurt. Yet you both want to find it. Namaste.
Hi Tara, your words gave me hope and strength to continue to cope with a difficult situation that has been going on for many months. Reinforcement that I need to give myself a break and expect too much from myself- giving to others. When I think of being kind to myself it makes me reconnect with my heart and although emotionally painful gives me the insight that I have tried to do the best I can and need to let some things go. Thanks so much
It’s actually ok
I have endured chronic pain for 10yrs 24/7 …Medically retired Probation Officer,Trained Yoga teacher and practitioner of 30 yrs Professionally trained Life Coach, Kabbalah student for 6 yrs at this time.. Dog, horse owner..
So, all in all good skill set… !!!!
However…
I need to rest alot and noticed how sad and depressed i felt when i needed to retreat to my bed.
I focused on my self talk … it went …
You’re a failure because you’re ill with pain ..you are no use to anyone now …
Yep ! I became suicidal.. but dug my self out of it with proper mindfulness , kindness and compassion to my self ! It’s an amazing shift of energy!!!! Love it!! I am 2 years with my new mindset and Happy in my pain !!
Intensity decreased.
When I brought kindness to what I was feeling, I felt that I was less judgmental!
I felt that I had more empathy for my situation!
I realized I felt lonely and tears came. Accepting that, and being with this feeling, instead of trying to fight it off to be ”strong” made me smile. I’m ok and it’s ok to feel lonely.
I could feel sad and calm at the same time. I realize the need to be kind to myself, but have been staying busy to avoid feeling. I lost my husband in Feb of 2018. Bringing awareness to my heart space was helpful. It was helpful to allow myself to feel.
I found a book on Acceptance therapy really helpful .. when I realised i was running away from grief .. because it was just too painful..
Turned out it wasn’t too painful to get through! by accepting really uncomfortable emotions… and allowing it to happen .. x
I felt calm and touched the back of my head where it was vibrating and peace came upon me. Thank you.
More calmness, a sense of I can be kinder to me
I felt sad, but then my inner voice told me I don’t have time to care for me because I’m too busy caring for others. I felt stuck and then feelings from over 30 yrs ago crept in and I felt the hurt then the anger.
I felt numb.
Thank you for sharing this. When invited to meet what was present for me, with kindness, I felt both enveloped by love and expansive at the same time. I felt a deep sense that everything was going to be alright… gratitude…
I realise that I find it much more difficult to show kindness to myself than others. This is a very helpful insight.
Thanks Tara.
I have listened to this before but I Cannot be reminded of this enough. It reminds we off when i just love me all is well, all will be well.
I actually felt a kindness and calm after this exercise ?thank you for shsringb?
It calmed the panic and tightness
There is a strong feeling that everything seem slow down…….
I felt a sense of lightness, freedom…. I felt like my own best friend, as I would if I were helping my own best friend and the feelings of encouragement that I would be feeling…..towards helping her feel loved and ok. I felt loved.
I am a meditator of 30 years, My experience is that I am not in control, there is no switch I can turn to, to simply switch on self-compassion.
I felt like crying.
The profound realisation that I need to fill myself with the kindness that I reserve for others. I live a life of kindness and giving in my role as parent, sibling, friend and early years educator. I need to internalise kindness to myself first. I enjoyed your video so much, albeit amidst the very much needed flowing tears.
I am feeling hopeful, but realizing that I need to hear more about healing myself/my life. I want to move forward with this concept but it’s too easy to fall back into the habit of feeling unworthy and judging myself for the way I feel. Thankyou. Can I learn more ? Any suggestions are so welcome.
I feel that those feelings never truly go away…. but they definitely lessen with practice, patience and lots of nurturing. I needed to act my way into right thinking I could not think my way into right action…. SO…. I found that helping others when feeling truly low, and not at work…. also personal meditation practice, yoga practices and simply cultivating positive thoughts…gratitude….. it is a slow process, however it works… Also I have found that working in groups pertaining to my specific needs was super helpful. Hearing others and how they feel and share how they make it through, living in the solution so to speak, this has been the most enlightening…. I did not feel so unique or alone when listening in person, and sharing. many blessings. xx
Nothing happened. Other than self loathing.
A warmth in my chest
I found that I do and have treated others, at times, the way I’ve treated myself…with judgment, hurt, and shame. I have recently been wanting nurturing..and now I realize I need to give it to myself.
Felt doubt. Not on your theory. I doubted myself. My ability to move from the space of low self worth. But immediately to self coach through the difficulty. Feeling hopeful now. I like the feeling of self compassion. Probably something I rarely showed myself.
I felt nothing – feel so out of touch with myself and my awareness in the moment that I just feel empty.
Honesty with yourself goes a long way and provides a strong foundation, so I’d say you’re off to a good start!
The thought had not occurred to me. To practice kindness in that moment. To approach my vulnerability with compassion had never occurred to me. That wasn’t a mental model that I had seen, learned or developed. When you asked the question I had no answer. I had nothing.
I feel emotions change immediately. I feel more ay peace with me.
Kindness. Impatience. Repeat.
I am in a mood of excitement and joy. Bringing kindness and care to this makes me want to dream bigger and take more action toward my creative endeavors and practice in the service of others. Caring about this feels like I can support myself in a more nurturing and fun way.
I felt a sense of peace and calm as a result of acknowledging fully what I was experiencing, even today around taking personal responsibility to be kinder to myself rather than seek kindness from others. Judgement of others seemed to dissipate the more I offered kindness to myself!
Trying to bring kindness to a lifetime of selfdoubt was very difficult. My inner judgement voice is very strong, very loud, and very adept at taking over any sense of kindness. But I also know that when I practiced mindfulness a number of years ago I was able to quieten my internal judgemental voice – it took time and effort but I do remember. This brings me hope!
My first feeling is the same feeling I have all the time… headaches pain. (Stress)
It felt nice to add kindness to parts of me in hating on, and in turn it made it a little more obvious how much I’m hating on those parts.
I was able to take a deeper breath and feel my neck relax.
I told myself it’s okay and acceptable to feel how I’m feeling. I still feel shame. The self-critic doesn’t recede easily but there is an element of not falling victim to the inner judge. Accepting myself as I am.
My heart softened.
It was slippery..I couldn’t find it.
I checked out. I almost fell asleep.
This made me cry uncontrollably.
I noticed a softening of the feeling. I also felt less alone by acknowledging the feeling and sitting with it without trying to fix it.