My throat tightened and I started to cry. I feel sorry for the inner self that believes she’s not worthy of being loved.
Intellectually I know it’s not true, but that knowledge has not overwritten a lifetime of programming.
I have been aware for some time that I treat others with more kindness than I treat myself. I felt a deep sadness that, intellectually, I know that I should treat myself the way I treat others, that I deserve every bit as much kindness and compassion, but, for some reason, I seem to have some sort of mental block that prevents me from doing so. I’ve tried to come up with ways to get past this, such as asking myself, “how would you treat a good friend if they were experiencing what you are experiencing now?” but that mental block is inexplicably powerful. I’m hoping to find tools, practices – *anything* – that can help me overcome whatever it is that seems to keep blocking me from showing myself the kindness and compassion that I have no trouble giving to others.
As I tried to think kind thoughts towards myself I remembered the many trials and hardtimes I have experienced…cancer twice, almost dying, financial worries, and broken relationships. I am always encouraging and positive with others so why would I not be that way to myself? I have survived so much and should be proud. I loved seeing all the videography of rivers, mountains and trees soaring. I want to soar too. I want to be truly present in everything, to be kind to myself and know that I am worthy. I want to be present in everyday and embrace every emotion. right now I notice my shoulders are raised with tension. I have one query. While I understand the statement, ‘to live more true to myself’ I wonder what you meant by, ‘to live more from my true self.’ the word ‘from’ confuses me. Thank you for your time and video.
I feel more comfortable with myself. I realize l’m doing the best I can do for my life but my expectations are tiring me very much. Thank you for your wonderful video!
I felt deep pain as I tried to stay with it and tell my self to move toward it with kindness I started to feel anxious. My body started to feel very uncomfortable as it was very difficult to stay seated. My body wanted to twitch , I had to move it. I found that I began to hold my breath. When I went to inhale I could not take any air in for my lungs where already full. As I exhaled I felt as if I was going to cry. I didn’t allow my self to as I thought I have no time for this.
I found how much I identify with the judging voice inside and that shifting to caring expanded my sense of myself. The judge needs kindness too. But it feels so familiar and implicit that I often mistake it for the ‘real’ me.
A big sense of relief, like there is a better option to deal with my anxiety. Sit with it, let go, and connect deeply with kindness to my self and the other person involved.
I’m currently experiencing a depressive episode. I was listening to TARA and I became aware that, despite my best intentions, those slippery snakes of self doubt and self cruelty had snuck in again. As I heard TARA say kindness over and over the veil of darkness lifted. Thank you.
I am feeling sad because time is passing. I don’t want to get old because I haven’t achieved my goals and dreams. My day to day life is filled with sameness and little joy. I have tasks, both old and new that are unfinished. I waste time browsing the internet and mindless TV viewing. I binge on sugary things even in the middle of
Trying to lose weight. I wait and wait to hear from my daughter. My thoughts go to the future where I fantasize about how it will all change and get better “when”….
I am filled with shame in who I am
and how I am living my life. I have no internal motivation. I only do things when something or someone externally influences me. If left on my own I believe I would be content to sit and do absolutely nothing.
When I asked myself if
I could face myself with kindness nothing changed, my sadness and inertia remained but i will listen to the rest of your presentation later today. I am not without hope.
I feel you. You described me to a “T”. How to shake lose from this impossible sugar addiction, exhaustion, and lack of motivation. I have so many unfinished things to do and no desire to do them even though I used to enjoy doing most of them. I wish you all the healing energy and kindness in the world. ?☺️
I felt overwhelmed with fear and anger and powerless, like when abused and Ive felt it most of the day after being triggered by reading a news article about the fact that one priest who abused me was at a training institution where there were many priests who abused others, who went to jail. It unlocked more of the lies and blaming I was told as I was being abused. When I brought kindness to the situation I could stop blaming myself and thinking their words and think for myself. I could finally have a sense of self, different from the lies and not being responsible for their behaviours and pain I subsequently experienced. Tears flowed of relief. Trauma bonding unleashing bit by bit. I appreciate your wisdom and support.
Honestly, I love love love your videos and meditations (I’m in the middle of the free gift from you and Jack 10-15 min. a day, though I meditate 20-30 minutes a day, most days now. I have been on this journey for awhile, but have just in the last few months made meditating a daily practice.), but this last bit where you ask us to ask yourself what’s happening inside me, which is a question I love, and then the adding compassion to it, i.e., “Can I be with this with kindness?”, was too short of a time period to get much out of it. I needed a longer time to figure out what was happening, and I needed a longer time to bring the needed care and compassion. I could not do either in such a short span of time, but other than that — I identified with the thoughts and feelings and the experiences you had in college and after. I have lived with this feeling that “there must be something wrong with me” because my mother left me at the age of ten. I somehow still thought that I was the only one…. Thank you.
I’m used to bringing kindness to sensations, emotions and thoughts so I’m comfortable with that but in this exercise I went into the deep layer of unworthiness. I’ve sat with and released so many layers over the years but as I touched on the deep core a sense of doubt came up – doubt that this part of me could ever be alright and fear that I would discover that I was as bad – or worse – than I thought. I was able to sit with those feelings and will explore these more in my practice. Thank you for the video- it’s been very helpful
I had a thought arise that while embracing that “life is difficult” my second arrow is that life “must be” difficult. It’s worth lies in difficulty? Does my ego, my mind, manufacture difficulty with intent to add value? Recognizing and Allowing …. is difficult…..can I allow that?
I was feeling this pain and grief. (is that right english?) You’re story Tara is zo well- known. Not only my own story but also what I am whitnissing by working with other people in training and therapy. I cried. I let it happen. I add kindness and love to this experience. It softens. I feel also resistance and I gave kindness too. Pffffffff.. I want to be with this, be okay with it, but it is not easy. And yet, I feel more at ease. I know this is the way. I invite myself to keep practicing en learn everyday.
Thank you for sharing you knowledge, kindness and experience.
I noticed I was feeling unfocused and without discipline, and when you said to offer care, I found myself beginning to smile and then soften. Thank you Tara. xx
By just following your cues to add kindness to whatever feeling or emotion came up during the meditation portion made me feel hopeful and enlightened to having a choice of what to do with those thoughts. I found it very empowering and I’m looking forward to continuing learning more.
I had a feeling of warmth when I tried to bring kindness to what I was experiencing. This is a sense of being okay and not having to fix anything or worry about how I am.
I saw how I give others compassion and kindness as they are going through difficult times or making mistakes, but how I almost NEVER offer that to myself when experiencing the same type of life situations or mistakes.
Elaine Chevalier, Other, Wake Forest , NC, USAsays
Sad remembering how hard I use to be in myself. Thankful that I have been using medatation fir 2 years and have changed and had more peace with mys3lf.
Thank you for the video and for sharing your personal story. I appreciated the visuals of the video- a reminder that I am not alone- that all of us at some point or other have struggled with feelings of unworthiness, disfunction, disassociation, self -judgement and harsh criticism.
When I applied kindness to my sticking points I felt a deep relief. A tangible softening. A truth. A possibility.
I felt much warmer towards myself. I do struggle with feelings as I have never stood up for myself and when i am trying now it is with anger and resistance . Thia all confuses me
I’ve been trying to practice kindness toward myself for a long time, but seemingly getting nowhere. However, today’s practice let me see that I am making some progress after all. Thank you for your talk!
There is a compulsion to “fix” some inadequacy before I am able to allow myself gentleness toward myself. My deep belief remains that my brokenness is more vast than the rest of the world’s. sense that when with people.(I have chosen career paths where I can work alone). I am highly functional in appearing “together” but tend to isolate more to keep the judge quieter, at bay. My feeling is of great sadness that the bright and sensitive little girl of my childhood is still waiting to be asked into the room to speak.
Suzanne Pagan, Another Field, San Marcos , TX, USAsays
I calmed down. Relaxed. Realized I was feeling this way because of an unrealistic need for others to agree with me and understand my point of view. Just noticing that helped me see that no one else can be expected to have my perspective since they didn’t like my experiences. And that it’s ok. And that it doesn’t invalidate my experience. I’m ok even though I often feel misunderstood. My experience is still valid and I can tell someone about it even if they haven’t experienced it the same way.
I feel relief that at last I’m able to view things with proportion. I feel (or imagine) me holding myself.
My throat tightened and I started to cry. I feel sorry for the inner self that believes she’s not worthy of being loved.
Intellectually I know it’s not true, but that knowledge has not overwritten a lifetime of programming.
My chest had a weight of bricks crushing me.
Recognizing this I was able to breathe into this space. Feeling lighter, feeling less agitated.
I felt a sense of lightness and calmness come in and settle in my chest.
Peace,
Jane
Whenever I bring kindness to my feelings I feel my heart soften, physically my entire body lets go of tension. Thanks
I have been aware for some time that I treat others with more kindness than I treat myself. I felt a deep sadness that, intellectually, I know that I should treat myself the way I treat others, that I deserve every bit as much kindness and compassion, but, for some reason, I seem to have some sort of mental block that prevents me from doing so. I’ve tried to come up with ways to get past this, such as asking myself, “how would you treat a good friend if they were experiencing what you are experiencing now?” but that mental block is inexplicably powerful. I’m hoping to find tools, practices – *anything* – that can help me overcome whatever it is that seems to keep blocking me from showing myself the kindness and compassion that I have no trouble giving to others.
As I tried to think kind thoughts towards myself I remembered the many trials and hardtimes I have experienced…cancer twice, almost dying, financial worries, and broken relationships. I am always encouraging and positive with others so why would I not be that way to myself? I have survived so much and should be proud. I loved seeing all the videography of rivers, mountains and trees soaring. I want to soar too. I want to be truly present in everything, to be kind to myself and know that I am worthy. I want to be present in everyday and embrace every emotion. right now I notice my shoulders are raised with tension. I have one query. While I understand the statement, ‘to live more true to myself’ I wonder what you meant by, ‘to live more from my true self.’ the word ‘from’ confuses me. Thank you for your time and video.
I felt peace and calmness.
I get very emotional when I think about how much I want to feel worthy and stop the negative thinking about myself.
I began to smile and I felt a feeling of relief.
I feel more comfortable with myself. I realize l’m doing the best I can do for my life but my expectations are tiring me very much. Thank you for your wonderful video!
I felt deep pain as I tried to stay with it and tell my self to move toward it with kindness I started to feel anxious. My body started to feel very uncomfortable as it was very difficult to stay seated. My body wanted to twitch , I had to move it. I found that I began to hold my breath. When I went to inhale I could not take any air in for my lungs where already full. As I exhaled I felt as if I was going to cry. I didn’t allow my self to as I thought I have no time for this.
I found how much I identify with the judging voice inside and that shifting to caring expanded my sense of myself. The judge needs kindness too. But it feels so familiar and implicit that I often mistake it for the ‘real’ me.
I realize I feel sad and unmotivated. And also worried for a loved one.
I have an easier time treating others with kindness than I do myself. Though as I’ve aged I am better able to be kind to myself.
Thank you.
As I introduced the concept of kindness, I felt hope and possibility, and some determination
A big sense of relief, like there is a better option to deal with my anxiety. Sit with it, let go, and connect deeply with kindness to my self and the other person involved.
I need to learn “how” to be kind to myself; how to forgive myself.
I’m currently experiencing a depressive episode. I was listening to TARA and I became aware that, despite my best intentions, those slippery snakes of self doubt and self cruelty had snuck in again. As I heard TARA say kindness over and over the veil of darkness lifted. Thank you.
Peaceful feelings, a soft spirit
I am feeling sad because time is passing. I don’t want to get old because I haven’t achieved my goals and dreams. My day to day life is filled with sameness and little joy. I have tasks, both old and new that are unfinished. I waste time browsing the internet and mindless TV viewing. I binge on sugary things even in the middle of
Trying to lose weight. I wait and wait to hear from my daughter. My thoughts go to the future where I fantasize about how it will all change and get better “when”….
I am filled with shame in who I am
and how I am living my life. I have no internal motivation. I only do things when something or someone externally influences me. If left on my own I believe I would be content to sit and do absolutely nothing.
When I asked myself if
I could face myself with kindness nothing changed, my sadness and inertia remained but i will listen to the rest of your presentation later today. I am not without hope.
I feel you. You described me to a “T”. How to shake lose from this impossible sugar addiction, exhaustion, and lack of motivation. I have so many unfinished things to do and no desire to do them even though I used to enjoy doing most of them. I wish you all the healing energy and kindness in the world. ?☺️
I felt my shoulders relax a bit.
As I added kindness to my self judgement a small calmness came over me. I crave this calmness ?
It’s like a blank – I have no idea what that even looks like much less what it feels like
I felt overwhelmed with fear and anger and powerless, like when abused and Ive felt it most of the day after being triggered by reading a news article about the fact that one priest who abused me was at a training institution where there were many priests who abused others, who went to jail. It unlocked more of the lies and blaming I was told as I was being abused. When I brought kindness to the situation I could stop blaming myself and thinking their words and think for myself. I could finally have a sense of self, different from the lies and not being responsible for their behaviours and pain I subsequently experienced. Tears flowed of relief. Trauma bonding unleashing bit by bit. I appreciate your wisdom and support.
A sense of freedom and peace came over me…realizing that its okay. These feelings are okay.
Honestly, I love love love your videos and meditations (I’m in the middle of the free gift from you and Jack 10-15 min. a day, though I meditate 20-30 minutes a day, most days now. I have been on this journey for awhile, but have just in the last few months made meditating a daily practice.), but this last bit where you ask us to ask yourself what’s happening inside me, which is a question I love, and then the adding compassion to it, i.e., “Can I be with this with kindness?”, was too short of a time period to get much out of it. I needed a longer time to figure out what was happening, and I needed a longer time to bring the needed care and compassion. I could not do either in such a short span of time, but other than that — I identified with the thoughts and feelings and the experiences you had in college and after. I have lived with this feeling that “there must be something wrong with me” because my mother left me at the age of ten. I somehow still thought that I was the only one…. Thank you.
I’m used to bringing kindness to sensations, emotions and thoughts so I’m comfortable with that but in this exercise I went into the deep layer of unworthiness. I’ve sat with and released so many layers over the years but as I touched on the deep core a sense of doubt came up – doubt that this part of me could ever be alright and fear that I would discover that I was as bad – or worse – than I thought. I was able to sit with those feelings and will explore these more in my practice. Thank you for the video- it’s been very helpful
I had a thought arise that while embracing that “life is difficult” my second arrow is that life “must be” difficult. It’s worth lies in difficulty? Does my ego, my mind, manufacture difficulty with intent to add value? Recognizing and Allowing …. is difficult…..can I allow that?
I was feeling this pain and grief. (is that right english?) You’re story Tara is zo well- known. Not only my own story but also what I am whitnissing by working with other people in training and therapy. I cried. I let it happen. I add kindness and love to this experience. It softens. I feel also resistance and I gave kindness too. Pffffffff.. I want to be with this, be okay with it, but it is not easy. And yet, I feel more at ease. I know this is the way. I invite myself to keep practicing en learn everyday.
Thank you for sharing you knowledge, kindness and experience.
Kind regards,
I noticed I was feeling unfocused and without discipline, and when you said to offer care, I found myself beginning to smile and then soften. Thank you Tara. xx
When I tried to offer kindness to myself, I experiened a sense of calm in my body and compassion towards self.
By just following your cues to add kindness to whatever feeling or emotion came up during the meditation portion made me feel hopeful and enlightened to having a choice of what to do with those thoughts. I found it very empowering and I’m looking forward to continuing learning more.
I had a feeling of warmth when I tried to bring kindness to what I was experiencing. This is a sense of being okay and not having to fix anything or worry about how I am.
I saw how I give others compassion and kindness as they are going through difficult times or making mistakes, but how I almost NEVER offer that to myself when experiencing the same type of life situations or mistakes.
Thank you Tara
Sad remembering how hard I use to be in myself. Thankful that I have been using medatation fir 2 years and have changed and had more peace with mys3lf.
I felt less negativity towards my self
The place of emptiness began to fill.
This is an amazing video. I felt a relieved and relaxed while bringing kindness to myself.
I felt an immediate release of tension in my brain and in my diaphragm and chest.
Seemed forced or unnatural. I have been so out of touch with what I truly feel deep inside. Working on this shift, but it’s a slow process.
Thank you for the video and for sharing your personal story. I appreciated the visuals of the video- a reminder that I am not alone- that all of us at some point or other have struggled with feelings of unworthiness, disfunction, disassociation, self -judgement and harsh criticism.
When I applied kindness to my sticking points I felt a deep relief. A tangible softening. A truth. A possibility.
Thank you! I look forward to the next video.
When I showed kindness to my inner self – I became very teary
I felt much warmer towards myself. I do struggle with feelings as I have never stood up for myself and when i am trying now it is with anger and resistance . Thia all confuses me
Thank you for a powerful talk. When I showed kindness to my anxiety, things seemed suddenly not as urgent and I felt the hope of possibility.
When I tried to offer kindness to my experience, I had a sense of compassion and urgent need to help myself in some way but didn’t know how.
I’ve been trying to practice kindness toward myself for a long time, but seemingly getting nowhere. However, today’s practice let me see that I am making some progress after all. Thank you for your talk!
I was feeling great sadness and felt very emotional, when I bought kindness and compassion to myself, I felt the sadness and emotion lift slightly
There is a compulsion to “fix” some inadequacy before I am able to allow myself gentleness toward myself. My deep belief remains that my brokenness is more vast than the rest of the world’s. sense that when with people.(I have chosen career paths where I can work alone). I am highly functional in appearing “together” but tend to isolate more to keep the judge quieter, at bay. My feeling is of great sadness that the bright and sensitive little girl of my childhood is still waiting to be asked into the room to speak.
I experienced gentle self awareness. An ability to temper the anxiety. I found insight into what might be underneath the experience, a possible cause.
I calmed down. Relaxed. Realized I was feeling this way because of an unrealistic need for others to agree with me and understand my point of view. Just noticing that helped me see that no one else can be expected to have my perspective since they didn’t like my experiences. And that it’s ok. And that it doesn’t invalidate my experience. I’m ok even though I often feel misunderstood. My experience is still valid and I can tell someone about it even if they haven’t experienced it the same way.