Thank you for sharing this exercise – I felt ‘safer’ but I also felt conflicted – My struggle is how to be in my professional life – the various experiences involved in my daily work and be in those with kindness?
Bebe Schwartz, Health Education, Philadelphia , PA, USAsays
My anxiety, which I often feel, softened and began to leave my emotions. It felt good to stop & notice then add kindness, allowing the kindness to take place of the uncomfortable & prickly anxiety.
Thank you Tara for your guidance, support & wisdom. Teaching us how to live freely & peacefully within ourselves & with others. I look forward to the next piece. With love & light.
Cindy H, Another Field, State College, PA, USAsays
It softened the deep harsh feelings. I felt a spiritual connection to God as though he was calming me down and telling me to treat the situation with love through kindness
Michael Bloom, Another Field, Santa Monica , CA, USAsays
Tara, you always help me to see that my unworthy thoughts, my worries, my regrets, and so much more, are the part of me that require ongoing self care, and self acceptance.
My career is utterly without passion and has been for 30 years, since I finished college. Because I have a child with special needs, all of my savings have been spent on care. So this, and social isolation have me living at a time in life when I need daily guided meditation, exercise, and time to self-soothe. Thank you for being there for me each day Tara.
I don’t think I know how to be my own best friend. I am currently dealing with several stressful events in my life. My closest friend of 40 years has Parkinson’s and cancer. He is moving into an assistant living today. I have really tried to set limits as to how much time I spend dealing with his situation. When I set limits, I feel guilty, angry and sad. I am also dealing with my own health problems, Crohn’s and IBS. And I also have OCD which adds to feelings of anger, anxiety, feelings of unworthiness. The OCD bully is relentless telling me I am a bad person, I have not lived my life the way I was to supposed to according to my parents. I try to use the “tools” I have learned over many years. I meditate, I talk back to the OCD, I really try to put structure in my day so I am not sitting home ruminating. I try to keep moving forward. Thanks!
It is interesting to do the exercise on oneself. I noticed my thought of criticism against self for what I believe to be a deficit in clinical learning. Then I thought, despite this deficit I keep trying to improve my skills. I am trying to be kind to myself and understand that my skill building is essential to my practice, not a race against other practitioners.
I’m feeling sad and empty partially because I recently lost a dear friend, sudden death, and when I sat with your questions I felt a warmth, empathy, compassion for myself, if that makes sense.
One of my challenges is to let go of past events with colleagues whenever my lack of inner support/awareness led to me project my turbulence onto them. Today I have the insight about what was going on for me at that time. However, the damage has been done. Now, it’s a question of self-forgiveness. Do you have a practice to support this self-forgiveness? Thanks! Judy
Initially, there was some resistance when I asked myself if I could just be with the feelings of unworthiness but it gave way to a feeling of support from myself to myself. I was allowing myself to feel the regret and guilt but this time there was a more perceptible or stronger presence of kindness and I heard myself say “It’s okay. You’re a human being.”
I think that sometimes these videos don’t necessarily demonstrate the difficulties clients face at times attempting to figure out what is going on inside. Even I, for example trying to figure what I am feeling can be overwhelmed by what it is exactly I am feeling.
Still, I enjoyed the video – at the very least it does make one think about the possibilities of being more compassionate – thank you.
Bonnie Shields, Social Work, Pittsburgh, PA, USAsays
It was very interesting to come to terms with my own identity issues and helpful to be reminded that I deserve kindness as well from others as much as I give kindness.
I have a subscription to her podcasts and like those a lot better. All the images are not for me.. I’m sure others will find it helpful though. Good luck reaching even more people!
My sadness felt a softening of the tension (aka “Circle the wagons! No time for sadness! Must get work done!”) that had been surrounding it, and then felt welcomed as I sat in kindness and curiosity with the feeling. I call moments like this “Prodigal Self” moments. I’m very good at them precisely because I’m also very, very good at leaving home….thank you for the opportunity today to again practice returning to a home filled with awareness and compassion.
I am very good at the ‘No time for sadness. Must get work done ‘ routine.. I was brought up with this … talk of how we were deeling wasn’t entertained.. but it always made me feel uncomfortable like something is being denied… so there is a softening and a kind acceptance after the practice for me.
Carol Goodson, Another Field, Concordia, KS, USAsays
I am unable to tell what I am feeling, and I don’t know why. Many people have advised me to do that: “get in touch with my feelings”… but I have no idea what that means, or how to do it. I wonder if it has to do with having to suppress feelings all my life, because of my narcissistic mother; I suspect that in order to cope with her cruelty–and therefore survive emotionally–that is what I did from early childhood–and now it’s too late to learn how to feel. I just can’t do it.
My senses and heart open up for all the good things in my life, and I know that I can be a living part of that, including my relations to the near and dear.
For myself, I felt a bit of not good feelings come up when asked what is going on inside of me…when I asked if I could bring kindness to it, it honestly felt corny at first, like I had a right to feel the not good feelings that came up, but then they softened and the physical feeling that came up softened and I felt a wash of its ok to be upset but don’t let it eat you on the inside that just further hurts me. So not holding things inside is a tough one, truly letting go is hard for me the feelings tend to come back. Maybe if I let them come but add compassion it wont be so physically painful, maybe then it will be just a thought not a feeling.
The first question brought a feeling of sadness for all that I am not, have not been, and despair of what I will never be. The second thought brought an immediate softening and another, different kind of sadness, but one with compassion. But sadness that I have judged myself so harshly, for so long.
Annmarie DeRosa, Social Work, Red Bank, NJ, USAsays
Thank you for this! I work in residential with adolescents and at times I often find myself judging myself in difficult times. It is so important we remember to being mindful and being our own “best friend”.
I couldnt deal with it in this moment. I could not bring kindness to the feelings I had of of anxiety and dread. It felt impossible, like I was too strong, had to be strong, and that the feelings of kindness were intimidated by the magnitude of what I am going through and that it doesn’t matter if I am kind to myself because the world will not be.
Tobias Schreiber, Counseling, Boiling Springs, SC, USAsays
It is a blessing and a great relief to be king to myself. It wasn’t always this way , and it was challenging to learn how to care for myself. Thank you for your insights and compassion.
Not sure what happened but I feel good right now and really enjoyed watching this video. Looking forward to the next one. I also feel that the length of this video was perfect. Long enough to leave me with something to think about and help me start my day; but short enough to allow me to watch before I leave for work.
I felt a small lightening of mood. I wasn’t aware that I was caught in the “trance of unworthiness” but it is such a habitual place for me to go & a low mood is usually a sign that I’m there. I think my coping strategy so often is to ignore rather than pay attention despite having been working with meditation & mindfulness for some 10 years or so. Thank you Tara for all the times you have a way to me “coming back to myself”.
Lorrie Maiorano, Another Field, South Portland , ME, USAsays
I felt forgiveness for my self and disappointment in those I love ,for not being kind to me…I realized although they mean well there criticizing or opinions becomes part of my inner voice
At first, judgment that i wouldn’t be ablw to remember all being said. Then replaced by a softness and letting go of that expectation and just relaxing into the moment.
Bringing kindness ‘lightens’ me a little and helps me focus on what’s important at that time. When my anxiety is at its worst, the ‘kindness’ thoughts are harder to find and disappear so so quickly.. but after listening to your podcasts for 3 years now I have learnt to persist. It is a constant training for me and it is getting easier bit by bit. Being my ‘best friend’ helps me find compassion for myself, humour in the struggle and really makes me feel more connected to others as we all, to varying degrees, seem to be having the same experience.
I felt a split between my right and left side of my upper torso. The left side was closed off. When I offered compassion it immediately responded and softened and I felt myself become one in wholeness again
Thank you for sharing this exercise – I felt ‘safer’ but I also felt conflicted – My struggle is how to be in my professional life – the various experiences involved in my daily work and be in those with kindness?
My anxiety, which I often feel, softened and began to leave my emotions. It felt good to stop & notice then add kindness, allowing the kindness to take place of the uncomfortable & prickly anxiety.
Thank you Tara for your guidance, support & wisdom. Teaching us how to live freely & peacefully within ourselves & with others. I look forward to the next piece. With love & light.
Great message… love Tara Brach… Peace JN
It softened the deep harsh feelings. I felt a spiritual connection to God as though he was calming me down and telling me to treat the situation with love through kindness
Tara, you always help me to see that my unworthy thoughts, my worries, my regrets, and so much more, are the part of me that require ongoing self care, and self acceptance.
My career is utterly without passion and has been for 30 years, since I finished college. Because I have a child with special needs, all of my savings have been spent on care. So this, and social isolation have me living at a time in life when I need daily guided meditation, exercise, and time to self-soothe. Thank you for being there for me each day Tara.
Offering myself kindness opened the door way to begin my contact with self and healing old wounds began. I am beginning to make friends with myself.
I don’t think I know how to be my own best friend. I am currently dealing with several stressful events in my life. My closest friend of 40 years has Parkinson’s and cancer. He is moving into an assistant living today. I have really tried to set limits as to how much time I spend dealing with his situation. When I set limits, I feel guilty, angry and sad. I am also dealing with my own health problems, Crohn’s and IBS. And I also have OCD which adds to feelings of anger, anxiety, feelings of unworthiness. The OCD bully is relentless telling me I am a bad person, I have not lived my life the way I was to supposed to according to my parents. I try to use the “tools” I have learned over many years. I meditate, I talk back to the OCD, I really try to put structure in my day so I am not sitting home ruminating. I try to keep moving forward. Thanks!
Acceptance
It is interesting to do the exercise on oneself. I noticed my thought of criticism against self for what I believe to be a deficit in clinical learning. Then I thought, despite this deficit I keep trying to improve my skills. I am trying to be kind to myself and understand that my skill building is essential to my practice, not a race against other practitioners.
I’m feeling sad and empty partially because I recently lost a dear friend, sudden death, and when I sat with your questions I felt a warmth, empathy, compassion for myself, if that makes sense.
I feel overwhelmed and not good enough
One of my challenges is to let go of past events with colleagues whenever my lack of inner support/awareness led to me project my turbulence onto them. Today I have the insight about what was going on for me at that time. However, the damage has been done. Now, it’s a question of self-forgiveness. Do you have a practice to support this self-forgiveness? Thanks! Judy
Initially, there was some resistance when I asked myself if I could just be with the feelings of unworthiness but it gave way to a feeling of support from myself to myself. I was allowing myself to feel the regret and guilt but this time there was a more perceptible or stronger presence of kindness and I heard myself say “It’s okay. You’re a human being.”
I think that sometimes these videos don’t necessarily demonstrate the difficulties clients face at times attempting to figure out what is going on inside. Even I, for example trying to figure what I am feeling can be overwhelmed by what it is exactly I am feeling.
Still, I enjoyed the video – at the very least it does make one think about the possibilities of being more compassionate – thank you.
Sense of letting go
It was very interesting to come to terms with my own identity issues and helpful to be reminded that I deserve kindness as well from others as much as I give kindness.
I have a subscription to her podcasts and like those a lot better. All the images are not for me.. I’m sure others will find it helpful though. Good luck reaching even more people!
I realized that I woke up alone and was not looking forward to having a day alone with myself because of the inner critic.
My sadness felt a softening of the tension (aka “Circle the wagons! No time for sadness! Must get work done!”) that had been surrounding it, and then felt welcomed as I sat in kindness and curiosity with the feeling. I call moments like this “Prodigal Self” moments. I’m very good at them precisely because I’m also very, very good at leaving home….thank you for the opportunity today to again practice returning to a home filled with awareness and compassion.
I am very good at the ‘No time for sadness. Must get work done ‘ routine.. I was brought up with this … talk of how we were deeling wasn’t entertained.. but it always made me feel uncomfortable like something is being denied… so there is a softening and a kind acceptance after the practice for me.
I am unable to tell what I am feeling, and I don’t know why. Many people have advised me to do that: “get in touch with my feelings”… but I have no idea what that means, or how to do it. I wonder if it has to do with having to suppress feelings all my life, because of my narcissistic mother; I suspect that in order to cope with her cruelty–and therefore survive emotionally–that is what I did from early childhood–and now it’s too late to learn how to feel. I just can’t do it.
Felt lighter and more accepting of myself❤️
I feel all of the feelings you talked about. I don’t like what I see and don’t know how to be kind to myself. Lots of work to do
Relief
My senses and heart open up for all the good things in my life, and I know that I can be a living part of that, including my relations to the near and dear.
For myself, I felt a bit of not good feelings come up when asked what is going on inside of me…when I asked if I could bring kindness to it, it honestly felt corny at first, like I had a right to feel the not good feelings that came up, but then they softened and the physical feeling that came up softened and I felt a wash of its ok to be upset but don’t let it eat you on the inside that just further hurts me. So not holding things inside is a tough one, truly letting go is hard for me the feelings tend to come back. Maybe if I let them come but add compassion it wont be so physically painful, maybe then it will be just a thought not a feeling.
Resistence to self compassion and kindness. As though my self judger is not only my comfort zone but also my penance.
It made me cry, as I realise I push myself too hard to be a perfectionist in all I do
Resistence to self- compassion. Like my self judger is not only my comfort zone but almost as if I deserve the self criticism.
The first question brought a feeling of sadness for all that I am not, have not been, and despair of what I will never be. The second thought brought an immediate softening and another, different kind of sadness, but one with compassion. But sadness that I have judged myself so harshly, for so long.
Thank you for this! I work in residential with adolescents and at times I often find myself judging myself in difficult times. It is so important we remember to being mindful and being our own “best friend”.
I cried
I couldnt deal with it in this moment. I could not bring kindness to the feelings I had of of anxiety and dread. It felt impossible, like I was too strong, had to be strong, and that the feelings of kindness were intimidated by the magnitude of what I am going through and that it doesn’t matter if I am kind to myself because the world will not be.
It is a blessing and a great relief to be king to myself. It wasn’t always this way , and it was challenging to learn how to care for myself. Thank you for your insights and compassion.
I recognised that connection with Nature is what it’s about for me… and I felt sad around the harsh inner critic.
Thank you, l was reminded to have more compassion for myself and others.
Not sure what happened but I feel good right now and really enjoyed watching this video. Looking forward to the next one. I also feel that the length of this video was perfect. Long enough to leave me with something to think about and help me start my day; but short enough to allow me to watch before I leave for work.
I felt a small lightening of mood. I wasn’t aware that I was caught in the “trance of unworthiness” but it is such a habitual place for me to go & a low mood is usually a sign that I’m there. I think my coping strategy so often is to ignore rather than pay attention despite having been working with meditation & mindfulness for some 10 years or so. Thank you Tara for all the times you have a way to me “coming back to myself”.
I started crying
I felt forgiveness for my self and disappointment in those I love ,for not being kind to me…I realized although they mean well there criticizing or opinions becomes part of my inner voice
Felt grateful
There was a break or decreased intensity in my feelings of guilt and shame. They did not go away but I did notice a change.
I felt a release in my body.
At first, judgment that i wouldn’t be ablw to remember all being said. Then replaced by a softness and letting go of that expectation and just relaxing into the moment.
I got mixed feelings, feeling that I have learned to love myself, but at the same time not knowing how to be open for the love of others.
Thank you❤
I felt my chest lighten and release a little
Bringing kindness ‘lightens’ me a little and helps me focus on what’s important at that time. When my anxiety is at its worst, the ‘kindness’ thoughts are harder to find and disappear so so quickly.. but after listening to your podcasts for 3 years now I have learnt to persist. It is a constant training for me and it is getting easier bit by bit. Being my ‘best friend’ helps me find compassion for myself, humour in the struggle and really makes me feel more connected to others as we all, to varying degrees, seem to be having the same experience.
Listening to You made me cry. I was getting in touch with a deep grief about how hard I am still with myself. Thank You! Verena
I found myself trying to love my rounder belly. Hard to do since I’ve prided myself on my flat tummy for most of my life.
I felt a split between my right and left side of my upper torso. The left side was closed off. When I offered compassion it immediately responded and softened and I felt myself become one in wholeness again