I told myself I was completely loveable and breathed towards my heart. I felt a very peaceful flow of energy start to expand my heart, almost like a very gentle stretching of my whole chest/heart area was occurring. Thank you.
I felt the self blame and anxiety, it was quite overwhelming, until I gave myself compassion. A tear fell down my face and almost instantly I felt a completely open & loving presence inside my heart space. I feel completely at peace. Thankyou so much once again Tara!!!
I felt the fiery pain of abandonment and shame
I saw how I thought that second arrow was taking responsibility for my mistakes
I felt a widening like there was more space around the pain
I felt love
Thankyou
I hope to practice this regularly..for the two arrows are a well worn habituation
Critical of myself and others
Namaste ?
Renee Stemmer, Psychotherapy, Cherry Hill, NJ, USAsays
Thank you for reminding me to practice awareness of self judgment and sitting with it and opening my heart to more kindness. Love the metaphor of the 2 arrows.
It made sense but I still know it’s too late for me and the loneliness is overwhelming. The person I grieve for is still alive so nothing changes and I’m now too old to try again.
Michelle Italiano, Health Education, Stuart, FL, USAsays
I agree it’s never too late and we are never too old. How beautiful that you chose to listen to this talk. Keep on keeping on! Much love thanks for sharing
Like the waves in the video, we experience stress and negative emotions as we struggle in our daily lives but under and below the waves, that is what we need the most wherein we experience deeper relationship with ourselves and that stillness just like when we meditate.
Tara, you always give us so much! This is another jewel! Watching this video reminded me that the source of much of my own suffering is connected to the word “should”. When I am unconsciously “shoulding on myself”, there will be misery to follow. This mini-training by Tara reminds me to be alert to the word “should” in my inner dialogue, and weed it out when possible.
It is amazing to learn how to intercept judgements I make towards myself and the feelings that come up,many of them are very painful. And to explore these feelings with self care and compassion and moving into my open heart space.
Your teaching makes it so clear and easy to understand. I now need to practice everyday to be the ocean and the waves..thank you so much
I accepted my feelings of rejection..arguing with myself whether I should send yet another text to my distant boyfriend ..hoping he would answer me this time. Then berated myself for bothering him and not playing hard to get.
Really inspiring.. I was able to stretch and got goosebumps all along my arms…. I love the feelings of openness and compassion. I just had no way of getting there… I’m hoping that the next video shares some good questions I need to ask myself while exercising mindfulness… I just can’t believe I’ve been missing this my whole life, I’ve been so resistant.
I give so much love to others but little love to myself, and now I can feel how loving myself more expands my love to be more ‘able’ to share my love with more rather than protecting it and stunting it….. hmmmm
I was reminded that I have zero control over what thoughts arise in any given moment. Blaming myself for the “negative ones” is the second arrow. The exercise allowed for cultivation of self compassion.
Wow, this is exactly what I have been telling the clients from your first video. Using those symptoms of being judgemental and not just to shut off the brain but to reach the heart and kindness within. I love the “heartspace” wording. Need to process the ocean analogy further to possibly incorporate it into imagery for clients or the arrows. Trying not to use too many new metaphors to complicate the client learning the nervous system, but get the idea from your first video to get to the kindness within the heart.
The role of the ventral vagus nerve which has been so energizing to me for growth and healing in the heart. My son had multiple heart issues from infancy so I think this is the place of growth for us both physicallly and metaphorically.
It works best for me in my past. Our trauma ignited when the head surgeon made it clear to me decades ago he would have lost my son if they had operated two years prior. They had not known of the heart trigger mechanism. That is how wonderful and necessary science can be.
When I do guided imagery, I even have a place I can see the surgeon draw out for me, my window of a place of origin for my son’s survival, my own or anyone else.
The heartspace also will serve me to use the touching of the thymus gland to calm nerves. I use this touch as way to honor our body, help the body know we are there to connect body to the brain, while decreasing these condemning thoughts toward self.
I have too much head chatter and mind wondering there’s too much going on in my head I have issues concentrating so it was hard. I always fear failer and dont go after a lot of things.
I think there is a consistent relief from inner tension when I release blame and open to self-compassion. This approach of Head to Heart to Heartspace is helpful on a practical level.
I became aware of all the pain I hold onto every day of my life caused by feeling angry, unworthy, of never being able to do enough for others…of always feeling I have to apologize even if I really don’t know what for. These are emotions I deal with and have every day of my long life and now I am sixty seven they are still there. When I saw these emotions, I began to focus on my breath and felt tremendously sad of the feeling that I have lost so much of myself, of my life. But, upon opening my eyes, I felt only that I had been aware of all the emotions I have held inside and focused on and they have only caused me so much pain. But then I felt only an openness, a calm and the realization that taking so much time and energy to do as I have and always done has kept me from being who I am…has kept me from being close to others. Ultimately, it has kept me from life and being able to ‘live’.
I placed my hand on my stomach which is in constant knots and though the knots didn’t go away, a feeling of comfort and peace enveloped me. I felt less vulnerable and alone.
Hi Tara, Thankyou. I struggle with living the life that truly is me. At times I feel it and grasp it but loose it to fear that takes over. My self compassion is there but gets flakey at times. It’s like that wild child inside me wants to come back I’m 66
I connected with the belief shame orginited in the garden of eden. After eating the apple they felt shame and covered themselves with fig leaves. I believe that original shame became a part of all humans possibly through a genetic change. To combat this shame God said (among other things), “come boldly to the throne of grace.” Boldness is needed where there is shame. This opportunity along with answers to prayers makes my life sustainable among the waves.
Many musicians have felt so self conscious they froze up in fear. There is a song which can help such people. The song is called “Shine” by the news boys. Words near the end of the song sing “show them what you’ve got.” No one has it all. We live under the shelter of each other,—as long as we show each other what we’ve got.
When I reached in and I felt my heart space, I felt the possibility of a future where I do not block myself from realizing my own goodness. I also felt like I identified with my clients and I share with them the challenge of moving pass the self judging and punitive internal voices. This gave me more access to compassion for myself just like the compassion that comes so readily from me to my clients.
After practicing this exercise i felt a cycle of emotion – physically, mentally and emotionally. When I moved into heart space I felt a love and kindness for myself that I have not experienced many times in my life. I released my chest and incited feelings of care and acceptance.
I appreciate the analogy of the first and second arrows and the simplicity of the three steps. Offering a simple process we can repeat to train the brain/heart and to make the shift out of our natural tendency to blame can be life changing. Learning to love ourselves is essential work to get at the roots of our suffering and find space to be fully who we are – vulnerable humans with a huge capacity to love!
The Buddhist teachings of the two arrows can be a constant reminder that we can transform our direct experience by moving away from self-judgement (stop adding wood to the fire). The three steps from head to heart space are deeply transformative. In the exercise I was able to connect with how I stop myself from taking new steps professionally. Will continue making contact with that space with kindness and self-care. Thank you.
John Beasley, D. C., Chiropractor, Decatur , GA, USAsays
I really enjoyed that video! I am a practicing chiropractor 39 years and I’m just moving into a new functional medicine aspect to the practice. I have some self judgement and insecurities about doing new things and not feeling as experienced in the new aspect of my practice Chiropractic practice for almost four decades. The video was great and help me bring to the surface, judgments about not being good enough thank you for the process! I’ve always enjoyed your work Tara. You are a gift to everyone!
The ocean metaphor was wonderful – so helpful. I’m struggling with a few things right now and the exercise at the end felt very freeing. It brought up a lot of emotions for me.
Very helpful Learning to give my self a break right we’re I’m at. Accepting myself. I never thought I could go from head to heart. Allow my heart to accept. Say no to these thoughts they don’t belong to me. When it felt like I couldn’t figure out how to address these thoughts instead saying no to thoughts dropping into my heart acceptance to my feelings allow compassion and kindness to myself.
For me, the exercise revealed (again) how thick the wall around my heart is. It was difficult for me to feel the space. But your video helps me to remember that I am not the only one, and encourages me to continue practicing. Thank you very much!
Pat Proulx-Lough, Marriage/Family Therapy, Portland, ME, USAsays
What a gentle way to relieve blame/shame. thanks for sharing this. I love the metaphore of the ocean and the waves and being able to claim all my emotions as mine. They belong (and so do I!)
My husband has a cancer diagnosis. With that much self judgement is surfacing. Along with self and other blame. We used this tool and got back on track. Thank you.
Dr. Ruth, knowing that one is “stuck” – constantly replaying that “sad story” – over and over………well, it is the overwhelm that will weigh you down. Yes, “I” am that “one”. They say that the first step to resolution and calm is to recognize, then work on accepting with self-love and forgiveness. I am a visual artist which can be an advantage when I create “art”. However, I have a hard time turning off my creativity in other aspects of my life – as in relationships with my adult sons. Timing is everything, and I am thankful that you landed on my path to finding “self-love”. Namaste
I’ve noticed in the past couple of days, I have become aware that I don’t and can’t hear from other people, I’m good at what I do , and they appreciate me, I work at a new place that is amazing, they support the employees knowing we will also be triggered, working with our clients, your words helped me see this ,Thank you , I know where this comes from, I feel sooo blessed this was here to help me through this , beyond words Thank you again, still processing but now know more, because of the way you do this so helpful so kind
I was able to say to myself ‘ I AM GOOD ENOUGH’
I started to breathe easier. I shook less, my body shook less. My throat relaxed and tears ran down my face. Thank you.
I told myself I was completely loveable and breathed towards my heart. I felt a very peaceful flow of energy start to expand my heart, almost like a very gentle stretching of my whole chest/heart area was occurring. Thank you.
I felt the self blame and anxiety, it was quite overwhelming, until I gave myself compassion. A tear fell down my face and almost instantly I felt a completely open & loving presence inside my heart space. I feel completely at peace. Thankyou so much once again Tara!!!
Lots of interesting physical sensations .gratitude for the simplicity of the exercise
I felt the fiery pain of abandonment and shame
I saw how I thought that second arrow was taking responsibility for my mistakes
I felt a widening like there was more space around the pain
I felt love
Thankyou
I hope to practice this regularly..for the two arrows are a well worn habituation
Critical of myself and others
Namaste ?
Thank you for reminding me to practice awareness of self judgment and sitting with it and opening my heart to more kindness. Love the metaphor of the 2 arrows.
I calmed down and was able to feel the ocean, a much stronger sense of ‘me’.
Yes. I use these ideas with myself and my clients.
Thank you for such a c!ear presentation.
Gill
It made sense but I still know it’s too late for me and the loneliness is overwhelming. The person I grieve for is still alive so nothing changes and I’m now too old to try again.
Noooooo, It’s never too late. You came to this sight for a reason and there is hope. Sending peaceful energy. Namaste
I agree it’s never too late and we are never too old. How beautiful that you chose to listen to this talk. Keep on keeping on! Much love thanks for sharing
Like the waves in the video, we experience stress and negative emotions as we struggle in our daily lives but under and below the waves, that is what we need the most wherein we experience deeper relationship with ourselves and that stillness just like when we meditate.
I like the wave and ocean analogy as it helps me from feeling pulled down by an undercurrent…buoyancy is the key. Thank you!
Love Tara, hard to remember this when you are in the midst of the emotions. Effective in easing ur anxiety
Tara, you always give us so much! This is another jewel! Watching this video reminded me that the source of much of my own suffering is connected to the word “should”. When I am unconsciously “shoulding on myself”, there will be misery to follow. This mini-training by Tara reminds me to be alert to the word “should” in my inner dialogue, and weed it out when possible.
It is amazing to learn how to intercept judgements I make towards myself and the feelings that come up,many of them are very painful. And to explore these feelings with self care and compassion and moving into my open heart space.
Your teaching makes it so clear and easy to understand. I now need to practice everyday to be the ocean and the waves..thank you so much
This was very helpful. It reminded me of the mindfulness breathing/meditation I have tried before. Thank you for this video.
Undecided
I accepted my feelings of rejection..arguing with myself whether I should send yet another text to my distant boyfriend ..hoping he would answer me this time. Then berated myself for bothering him and not playing hard to get.
Kathleen
I shed some tears for being so hard on myself. I welcomed self compassion and love.
Really inspiring.. I was able to stretch and got goosebumps all along my arms…. I love the feelings of openness and compassion. I just had no way of getting there… I’m hoping that the next video shares some good questions I need to ask myself while exercising mindfulness… I just can’t believe I’ve been missing this my whole life, I’ve been so resistant.
I give so much love to others but little love to myself, and now I can feel how loving myself more expands my love to be more ‘able’ to share my love with more rather than protecting it and stunting it….. hmmmm
I was reminded that I have zero control over what thoughts arise in any given moment. Blaming myself for the “negative ones” is the second arrow. The exercise allowed for cultivation of self compassion.
Wow, this is exactly what I have been telling the clients from your first video. Using those symptoms of being judgemental and not just to shut off the brain but to reach the heart and kindness within. I love the “heartspace” wording. Need to process the ocean analogy further to possibly incorporate it into imagery for clients or the arrows. Trying not to use too many new metaphors to complicate the client learning the nervous system, but get the idea from your first video to get to the kindness within the heart.
The role of the ventral vagus nerve which has been so energizing to me for growth and healing in the heart. My son had multiple heart issues from infancy so I think this is the place of growth for us both physicallly and metaphorically.
It works best for me in my past. Our trauma ignited when the head surgeon made it clear to me decades ago he would have lost my son if they had operated two years prior. They had not known of the heart trigger mechanism. That is how wonderful and necessary science can be.
When I do guided imagery, I even have a place I can see the surgeon draw out for me, my window of a place of origin for my son’s survival, my own or anyone else.
The heartspace also will serve me to use the touching of the thymus gland to calm nerves. I use this touch as way to honor our body, help the body know we are there to connect body to the brain, while decreasing these condemning thoughts toward self.
Thank you. I got a deeper sense of lingering self blame for upsetting parents and managed to soften and lessen it with self kindness.
I have too much head chatter and mind wondering there’s too much going on in my head I have issues concentrating so it was hard. I always fear failer and dont go after a lot of things.
THAT (honest connection will myself) was unexpected !! Thank you.
I think there is a consistent relief from inner tension when I release blame and open to self-compassion. This approach of Head to Heart to Heartspace is helpful on a practical level.
I felt relief as I noticed the shift in,my body and my self judgement.
So helpful personally and professionally.
I became aware of all the pain I hold onto every day of my life caused by feeling angry, unworthy, of never being able to do enough for others…of always feeling I have to apologize even if I really don’t know what for. These are emotions I deal with and have every day of my long life and now I am sixty seven they are still there. When I saw these emotions, I began to focus on my breath and felt tremendously sad of the feeling that I have lost so much of myself, of my life. But, upon opening my eyes, I felt only that I had been aware of all the emotions I have held inside and focused on and they have only caused me so much pain. But then I felt only an openness, a calm and the realization that taking so much time and energy to do as I have and always done has kept me from being who I am…has kept me from being close to others. Ultimately, it has kept me from life and being able to ‘live’.
I placed my hand on my stomach which is in constant knots and though the knots didn’t go away, a feeling of comfort and peace enveloped me. I felt less vulnerable and alone.
Hi Tara, Thankyou. I struggle with living the life that truly is me. At times I feel it and grasp it but loose it to fear that takes over. My self compassion is there but gets flakey at times. It’s like that wild child inside me wants to come back I’m 66
I connected with the belief shame orginited in the garden of eden. After eating the apple they felt shame and covered themselves with fig leaves. I believe that original shame became a part of all humans possibly through a genetic change. To combat this shame God said (among other things), “come boldly to the throne of grace.” Boldness is needed where there is shame. This opportunity along with answers to prayers makes my life sustainable among the waves.
Many musicians have felt so self conscious they froze up in fear. There is a song which can help such people. The song is called “Shine” by the news boys. Words near the end of the song sing “show them what you’ve got.” No one has it all. We live under the shelter of each other,—as long as we show each other what we’ve got.
Wow, that was amazing. When I used my childhood nickname to offer self-care I felt quite a profound shift in my fear and sadness. Thank you SO much!
When I reached in and I felt my heart space, I felt the possibility of a future where I do not block myself from realizing my own goodness. I also felt like I identified with my clients and I share with them the challenge of moving pass the self judging and punitive internal voices. This gave me more access to compassion for myself just like the compassion that comes so readily from me to my clients.
After practicing this exercise i felt a cycle of emotion – physically, mentally and emotionally. When I moved into heart space I felt a love and kindness for myself that I have not experienced many times in my life. I released my chest and incited feelings of care and acceptance.
Very helpful it made my heart happy
I appreciate the analogy of the first and second arrows and the simplicity of the three steps. Offering a simple process we can repeat to train the brain/heart and to make the shift out of our natural tendency to blame can be life changing. Learning to love ourselves is essential work to get at the roots of our suffering and find space to be fully who we are – vulnerable humans with a huge capacity to love!
The Buddhist teachings of the two arrows can be a constant reminder that we can transform our direct experience by moving away from self-judgement (stop adding wood to the fire). The three steps from head to heart space are deeply transformative. In the exercise I was able to connect with how I stop myself from taking new steps professionally. Will continue making contact with that space with kindness and self-care. Thank you.
I felt self love and acceptance of me. That I am lovable. That I can be with myself in calm and peace.
How to stop telling stories in our head , what Tara has here is a treasure. Great metaphors that I’ll keep in mind for the continuum .
I realised I hold so much tension in my chest space, so moving through the exercise was quite a free-night experience that I would like to keep going
I really enjoyed that video! I am a practicing chiropractor 39 years and I’m just moving into a new functional medicine aspect to the practice. I have some self judgement and insecurities about doing new things and not feeling as experienced in the new aspect of my practice Chiropractic practice for almost four decades. The video was great and help me bring to the surface, judgments about not being good enough thank you for the process! I’ve always enjoyed your work Tara. You are a gift to everyone!
The ocean metaphor was wonderful – so helpful. I’m struggling with a few things right now and the exercise at the end felt very freeing. It brought up a lot of emotions for me.
Very helpful Learning to give my self a break right we’re I’m at. Accepting myself. I never thought I could go from head to heart. Allow my heart to accept. Say no to these thoughts they don’t belong to me. When it felt like I couldn’t figure out how to address these thoughts instead saying no to thoughts dropping into my heart acceptance to my feelings allow compassion and kindness to myself.
For me, the exercise revealed (again) how thick the wall around my heart is. It was difficult for me to feel the space. But your video helps me to remember that I am not the only one, and encourages me to continue practicing. Thank you very much!
What a gentle way to relieve blame/shame. thanks for sharing this. I love the metaphore of the ocean and the waves and being able to claim all my emotions as mine. They belong (and so do I!)
I realized that the way I create a wall around me or am not emotionally available to others, it is protect myself from being deeply hurt again
My husband has a cancer diagnosis. With that much self judgement is surfacing. Along with self and other blame. We used this tool and got back on track. Thank you.
Dr. Ruth, knowing that one is “stuck” – constantly replaying that “sad story” – over and over………well, it is the overwhelm that will weigh you down. Yes, “I” am that “one”. They say that the first step to resolution and calm is to recognize, then work on accepting with self-love and forgiveness. I am a visual artist which can be an advantage when I create “art”. However, I have a hard time turning off my creativity in other aspects of my life – as in relationships with my adult sons. Timing is everything, and I am thankful that you landed on my path to finding “self-love”. Namaste
I’ve noticed in the past couple of days, I have become aware that I don’t and can’t hear from other people, I’m good at what I do , and they appreciate me, I work at a new place that is amazing, they support the employees knowing we will also be triggered, working with our clients, your words helped me see this ,Thank you , I know where this comes from, I feel sooo blessed this was here to help me through this , beyond words Thank you again, still processing but now know more, because of the way you do this so helpful so kind