I would be able to feel free, clear, and open. I would be able to give to more people, rejuvenate myself faster, and build more compassion/trust with the people i work with. I’d be a better loving partner at home, and a more fun friend. In short, I would be able to release baggage and put down the weight of my problems every day.
Letting go of judgment and blame, I am open to becoming and loving the best expression of myself in the present moment and open to my continual evolution.
I found the practices to be a very helpful reminder that I can always shift with awareness, intention and compassion. I found myself thinking of how I responded as a parent to my children in their youth (now young adults) and wishing I had these skills then (guilt and self blame). This practice gave me the opportunity to shift to acceptance and self compassion for the person I was then (lovingly parenting as best I knew) acknowledging the skill set I had at the time which has evolved with my training. I also reaffirmed that I am a continual work- in-progress. Within a compassionate heartspace, I can learn, evolve and hold space for thoughts, feelings, sensations and vulnerability which will support my ever unfolding personal evolution and awareness.
Who would I be if I could let go of judgement and chronic blame?
During this practice, two situations came to mind for me. I focused on one involving my mom and sister, who is mentally ill. I was able to open my heart to the fear and could feel, really feel the deepness of the fear. Then, by viewing “my mom’s leg in a trap”, I really began to feel for her and what she is going through.
Who would I be? I would be a more compassionate person for myself and others.
My heart is very defended. Listening to your talks and meditations over the last 6 years has helped me so much to break down the walls I have built up to keep myself “safe” from emotional pain.
I’ve been in a relationship for the past year with with a man who has also been deeply hurt in his life, and together we have worked through a lot of tough-guy / tough-girl old behaviors. We are currently going through a pretty heavy chapter. Over the past weekend, we both hurt one another very much. The piece about compassion for self is crucial. I have come to see that it is definitely a cyclical pattern, where going easier on others helps us to go easier on ourselves, and going easier on ourselves makes it much more possible to be kind and loving to all.
I am so grateful for these teachings, which keep me right-sized and feeling the love of the universe, no matter what I am experiencing in my relationships with others.
I began with a feeling of resistance – even reluctance to ‘let go’ of a feeling of blame but when I could even momentarily contact my ‘hurt inner child’ – I felt an overwhelming compassion for that child and an awareness of the other persons inner child too.
Thank you for sharing this simple but powerful guidance.
Holly Crandall, Stress Management, New Smyrna Beach, FL, USAsays
Global images of nature, slow soothing voice, smiling face, invitations to experiment all helped make the U turn easy and extending compassion effortless. Thank you
I could feel more free in my primary relationship if I can let go of judgement, stop blaming him for his inadequacy, see where I have had unreasonable expectations and be gentle with myself for grieving the loss of hope for a partner that could join me in all of my future plans.
I think that is fundamental to train ourselves and other to cultivate a kind attitude of compassion to free us from chronic judgment, blame
It’s liberating but is hard and request perseverance and awareness of inner dialogue and THE WILL to let go the ego and control knowing that this is for our self love and true connection with others .
We learn the language of judgement and blame at a very early age because it has become the language of our society. As I/we rush around busily, judgement and blame is applied to ourselves and others in knee jerk fashion in response to anything that feels stressful. Social media allows us to sensationalize and post our victim and martyr stories…and collect as many ‘likes’ as possible. People don’t take the time to think before taking (or not taking) action and can, in retrospect, trigger feelings of regret and self abuse, adding to our pain.
The you u-turn exercise, done often, is a quick and easy way to rewire those old ways into kindness toward ourselves and others. Putting my hand on my heart to reassure and remind myself it’s ok to feel this way did indeed, quickly and effectively, soften my heart…and as I surrendered in that moment, the tightness melted into tears of peace and a sense of calm swept over me. I can see how this practise can change the energy between ourselves and all those we relate to day to day. Thank you Tara! This will be beneficial to myself and my clients!
These are fantastic! Please , is there a way to leave them up and available ongoing? I have reviewed them several times, hoping to retain as much as possible.
Anne
Free. I’d be able to accept the battered places in myself I’ve not wanted to feel or accept. I’d be more accessible, vulnerable and approachable. I wouldn’t hide behind work.
I’d be more relaxed, more freely able to let the loving flow of life move through me. I’d be more trusting that I will be able to handle life challenges.
Thank You Tara, I love this practice. I have been hurt by my dear friend whom i have been friend with and helped her any way i could while she was struggling with her own issues. I not only spend most of my weekends for several years, but spend money on her to help from her problem. what hurts me was that she was upset with me for the reason that she chose not to share with me and stopped talking me, and casting me aside completing. I wish i know what i did wrong and it’s has been over 2months, i have yet hear from her after having tried to reach out to her. I am hurt and disappointed. I feel that i don’t deserve being treated this way… anyway, after having listen to you presentation on Shift Out of Blame and Into Compassion, I realized, that my friend’s leg must be trapped as the dog on this video. Looking back, she was struggling with her own issues which i’ve tried to help. Your video helped me loosen my anger, my disappointment toward her. I also realized that i too have my leg trapped and dealing my own pains which is why i judged my friend who is also dealing with her pains. thank you for opening my heart, my eye to see how I judge other and how i judge myself. There’s no word to truly say, i much i appreciate you. THANK YOU Tara!!!
Molly (TomNgerri@gmail.com)
I was easily able to make the U turn. Initially I shifted into seeing the others vulnerability and found myself in blame again while thinking “Yes, but just because someone is wounded does not allow for the right to purposefully hurt another person” I made the U turn twice more but was surprised by how quickly the blame came on again. Powerful exercise.
Thank you for sharing these three videos and the easy, but not so easy, ways of shifting from self-judgment to self-compassion for ourselves and for others. The analogy of the dog in the trap is wonderful!
Thank you Tara. I’ve learned a lot from you over the years through your books and podcasts. These three brief videos are very powerful in the images and the messages they give. I love your positivity and your kindness – I hope to find more of both of those traits in myself while using your teachings.
Mary Ann Kalinay, Counseling, Grand Island, NE, USAsays
Thank you, Tara. So much wisdom. I am bringing down the walls I had built around my heart in order to survive , and what struck me today in your presentation is that in order for that to happen there must be inner and outer resources available or more harm could happen. I so appreciate that important insight. Blessings.
Dearest Tara and significant others helping, thank you ever so much for your heartfelt contributions to us people of this planet earth. I listen to you daily as part of my daily practice. I have studied Heart Fluency training with Bruce Pardoe here in Nevada City, CA. I do my best to spread kindness and compassion. Just want you to know you have helped make a difference in my life. Thank you. Annie Berreman
This was very helpful. Really feeling compassion for myself and saying my name was emotional but healing. I felt compassion for the person who I am upset with. That was a little more challenging. Thank you!
Valuable to hear this lesson again and again as judgment and judging oneself for feeling blame of oneself or an other can be a vicious cycle It’s also vital to go at ones own pace and forgive yourself first Many Thanks for this teaching
Sarah Reves, Occupational Therapy, Austin, TX, USAsays
Can so relate!
My meditation practice and Tara’s teachings and meditations have led to a beginning of understanding and healing. I retired years ago from OT.
I have also learned to forgive myself for not understanding at the time.
There is one person in my life who has really hurt me and caused a lot of harm in my profession, which I have dedicated my schooling, and my life to establish. For some time now, I have worked on being more compassionate toward him, so I can move on and let go of the anger and blame I have towards him. I know getting past the anger is a process, and these three videos have given me more tools to continue to do that. The dog in the trap provided a unique visual that I can use when I struggle to find compassion for him. Also, it allows me to have compassion for myself, when I too get caught in the trap of anger, resentment, and blame.
That made realize how wounded I am because I was unwilling to see the vulnerability of the one who hurts me. Thank you for this understanding. I now know where the work lies.
I imagine I’d be a more approachable relaxed person without chronic blame and judgement of self and others. I wonder if I would also have more energy too since I’d be spending less energy in second guessing other people’s motives, reactivity, mental and body defences (tensions) etc.
It would feel wonderful to just be like the ocean and waves without feeling like I have to swim against it or build walls to keep the waves out.
Thank you, Tara! These videos are so powerful and helpful for me to create space in my heart for steps to live my life from an undefended and forgiving heart.
I appreciate the question, “Who would I be without self judgement and outward blaming of my parents?”
My answer: I’d be a better teacher. I’d feel a sense of belonging and being loved. I’d forgive my father and mother for their shortcomings as parents who both grew up without a father and my mother grew up with her mom not really wanting to parent her. I’d recognize that they didn’t know how that effected the way they related to raising their own children, not knowing how to be nurturing. I’d be able to experience true compassionate forgiveness for them, and stop judging myself for feelings of unlovable/unworthy of being loved. Thank you again, I am learning and healing 🙂 With gratitude, Muriel
You presented the sequences artfully and beautifully.
Your voice and pacing shifted my physiology from self protection..
to Stephen Porges.. Cooperative.. Co.regulation self ?
Hi Tara,
Thank you so much for these 3 wonderful presentations. The one I found most useful was Shift out of Blame. I learned that I have believed that if I don’t tell my adult children what they are doing wrong they will not change. Of course the don’t change because of what I say and it has only damaged our relationships. So this is something I’m going to let go of. It is a habit that will be hard to break for me, but you have given me the confidence to try it.
Thanking you
Anna Lyons
I would be ME: a dancer on shafts of light, partnering the wind, skimming through the waves, soaring with the mountains, treading lightly on this earth doing no harm to others or myself. Namaste and thank you
At present I need to work on harsh judgment of myself and blame for neglecting loved ones. Without that it’d be easier to meet them with lightness and joyfulness. Thank you, Tara, for your guidance!!
Catherine Sarni, Other, South Glastonbury, CT, USAsays
Thanks, Tara. I have been living with chronic anxiety and fear of abandonment. Often I am angry and resentful of my husband who does not offer me the support and reassurance I think I need and who does not know how to help me soothe these feelings. I get angry which distances him more. By making a u-turn, I realize that my perception of his lack of support brings up feelings of abandonment and sadness that I don’t have a partner who will “take care of me”.
I have been trying to practice this with my mother for the past few months. I had so much regret, anger and sadness wrt our relationship and what it wasn’t. Sadly, she passed away a few weeks ago. Although I feel we were both walking down the right path together toward healing, we didn’t quite make it…time ran out.
It felt weird for me tell my self it’s ok to feel embarrassed, fear, and ashamed. Losing sight of your own self dignity caused by putting so much belief in another person, but I felt myself soften a little as I thought about the emotional baggage that the other person has been carrying. I know it’s going to take a lot of practice to let go of the anger I am carrying, but this really helped at the present moment.
Ruth, I have really appreciated these videos, & the others Tara has made. She is wise, funny, & so realistic, & a gift to the world. I know I will never meet her in person, but these videos are the next best thing.
Thank you. This a a very healthy freeing practice that I can see will be helpful and I can see myself applying to many relationships. However, I am having more difficulty applying it to situations and persons , parents who have committed serious abuses toward their children.
Thank you Tara
I would be able to feel free, clear, and open. I would be able to give to more people, rejuvenate myself faster, and build more compassion/trust with the people i work with. I’d be a better loving partner at home, and a more fun friend. In short, I would be able to release baggage and put down the weight of my problems every day.
The practices in this video were really powerful for me this morning, in helping heal the inner hurt from last night’s conflict. Namaste’ Tara!
Letting go of judgment and blame, I am open to becoming and loving the best expression of myself in the present moment and open to my continual evolution.
I found the practices to be a very helpful reminder that I can always shift with awareness, intention and compassion. I found myself thinking of how I responded as a parent to my children in their youth (now young adults) and wishing I had these skills then (guilt and self blame). This practice gave me the opportunity to shift to acceptance and self compassion for the person I was then (lovingly parenting as best I knew) acknowledging the skill set I had at the time which has evolved with my training. I also reaffirmed that I am a continual work- in-progress. Within a compassionate heartspace, I can learn, evolve and hold space for thoughts, feelings, sensations and vulnerability which will support my ever unfolding personal evolution and awareness.
Very touching – these seem like just touching the surface though and looking forward to more
Thank you.
Who would I be if I could let go of judgement and chronic blame?
During this practice, two situations came to mind for me. I focused on one involving my mom and sister, who is mentally ill. I was able to open my heart to the fear and could feel, really feel the deepness of the fear. Then, by viewing “my mom’s leg in a trap”, I really began to feel for her and what she is going through.
Who would I be? I would be a more compassionate person for myself and others.
My heart is very defended. Listening to your talks and meditations over the last 6 years has helped me so much to break down the walls I have built up to keep myself “safe” from emotional pain.
I’ve been in a relationship for the past year with with a man who has also been deeply hurt in his life, and together we have worked through a lot of tough-guy / tough-girl old behaviors. We are currently going through a pretty heavy chapter. Over the past weekend, we both hurt one another very much. The piece about compassion for self is crucial. I have come to see that it is definitely a cyclical pattern, where going easier on others helps us to go easier on ourselves, and going easier on ourselves makes it much more possible to be kind and loving to all.
I am so grateful for these teachings, which keep me right-sized and feeling the love of the universe, no matter what I am experiencing in my relationships with others.
I began with a feeling of resistance – even reluctance to ‘let go’ of a feeling of blame but when I could even momentarily contact my ‘hurt inner child’ – I felt an overwhelming compassion for that child and an awareness of the other persons inner child too.
Thank you for sharing this simple but powerful guidance.
A beautiful practice that allows to shift perspective, heal, and grow from the painful experience. Deeply appreciated. Thank you, Tara!
I listened to all three segments. There was excellent information in each. Thought provoking! Will listen again when I can take some notes. Thank you.
Global images of nature, slow soothing voice, smiling face, invitations to experiment all helped make the U turn easy and extending compassion effortless. Thank you
I would write the books I am meant to write.
I could feel more free in my primary relationship if I can let go of judgement, stop blaming him for his inadequacy, see where I have had unreasonable expectations and be gentle with myself for grieving the loss of hope for a partner that could join me in all of my future plans.
I think that is fundamental to train ourselves and other to cultivate a kind attitude of compassion to free us from chronic judgment, blame
It’s liberating but is hard and request perseverance and awareness of inner dialogue and THE WILL to let go the ego and control knowing that this is for our self love and true connection with others .
Great program
We learn the language of judgement and blame at a very early age because it has become the language of our society. As I/we rush around busily, judgement and blame is applied to ourselves and others in knee jerk fashion in response to anything that feels stressful. Social media allows us to sensationalize and post our victim and martyr stories…and collect as many ‘likes’ as possible. People don’t take the time to think before taking (or not taking) action and can, in retrospect, trigger feelings of regret and self abuse, adding to our pain.
The you u-turn exercise, done often, is a quick and easy way to rewire those old ways into kindness toward ourselves and others. Putting my hand on my heart to reassure and remind myself it’s ok to feel this way did indeed, quickly and effectively, soften my heart…and as I surrendered in that moment, the tightness melted into tears of peace and a sense of calm swept over me. I can see how this practise can change the energy between ourselves and all those we relate to day to day. Thank you Tara! This will be beneficial to myself and my clients!
These are fantastic! Please , is there a way to leave them up and available ongoing? I have reviewed them several times, hoping to retain as much as possible.
Anne
Fantastic
Very inspiring and enlightening. Very much needed to focus on self.
Free. I’d be able to accept the battered places in myself I’ve not wanted to feel or accept. I’d be more accessible, vulnerable and approachable. I wouldn’t hide behind work.
I’d be more relaxed, more freely able to let the loving flow of life move through me. I’d be more trusting that I will be able to handle life challenges.
Thank You Tara, I love this practice. I have been hurt by my dear friend whom i have been friend with and helped her any way i could while she was struggling with her own issues. I not only spend most of my weekends for several years, but spend money on her to help from her problem. what hurts me was that she was upset with me for the reason that she chose not to share with me and stopped talking me, and casting me aside completing. I wish i know what i did wrong and it’s has been over 2months, i have yet hear from her after having tried to reach out to her. I am hurt and disappointed. I feel that i don’t deserve being treated this way… anyway, after having listen to you presentation on Shift Out of Blame and Into Compassion, I realized, that my friend’s leg must be trapped as the dog on this video. Looking back, she was struggling with her own issues which i’ve tried to help. Your video helped me loosen my anger, my disappointment toward her. I also realized that i too have my leg trapped and dealing my own pains which is why i judged my friend who is also dealing with her pains. thank you for opening my heart, my eye to see how I judge other and how i judge myself. There’s no word to truly say, i much i appreciate you. THANK YOU Tara!!!
Molly (TomNgerri@gmail.com)
I was easily able to make the U turn. Initially I shifted into seeing the others vulnerability and found myself in blame again while thinking “Yes, but just because someone is wounded does not allow for the right to purposefully hurt another person” I made the U turn twice more but was surprised by how quickly the blame came on again. Powerful exercise.
Thank you again.
Thank you for sharing these three videos and the easy, but not so easy, ways of shifting from self-judgment to self-compassion for ourselves and for others. The analogy of the dog in the trap is wonderful!
beautiful practice. thank you.
Thank you Tara. I’ve learned a lot from you over the years through your books and podcasts. These three brief videos are very powerful in the images and the messages they give. I love your positivity and your kindness – I hope to find more of both of those traits in myself while using your teachings.
I would be able to build more intimate relationship with others, and enjoy being with people.
Thank you, Tara. So much wisdom. I am bringing down the walls I had built around my heart in order to survive , and what struck me today in your presentation is that in order for that to happen there must be inner and outer resources available or more harm could happen. I so appreciate that important insight. Blessings.
Dearest Tara and significant others helping, thank you ever so much for your heartfelt contributions to us people of this planet earth. I listen to you daily as part of my daily practice. I have studied Heart Fluency training with Bruce Pardoe here in Nevada City, CA. I do my best to spread kindness and compassion. Just want you to know you have helped make a difference in my life. Thank you. Annie Berreman
This was very helpful. Really feeling compassion for myself and saying my name was emotional but healing. I felt compassion for the person who I am upset with. That was a little more challenging. Thank you!
Valuable to hear this lesson again and again as judgment and judging oneself for feeling blame of oneself or an other can be a vicious cycle It’s also vital to go at ones own pace and forgive yourself first Many Thanks for this teaching
I would lose my irritating pedantic perfectionism & be more comfortable with others.
Can so relate!
My meditation practice and Tara’s teachings and meditations have led to a beginning of understanding and healing. I retired years ago from OT.
I have also learned to forgive myself for not understanding at the time.
Love it Tara.
There is one person in my life who has really hurt me and caused a lot of harm in my profession, which I have dedicated my schooling, and my life to establish. For some time now, I have worked on being more compassionate toward him, so I can move on and let go of the anger and blame I have towards him. I know getting past the anger is a process, and these three videos have given me more tools to continue to do that. The dog in the trap provided a unique visual that I can use when I struggle to find compassion for him. Also, it allows me to have compassion for myself, when I too get caught in the trap of anger, resentment, and blame.
That made realize how wounded I am because I was unwilling to see the vulnerability of the one who hurts me. Thank you for this understanding. I now know where the work lies.
I imagine I’d be a more approachable relaxed person without chronic blame and judgement of self and others. I wonder if I would also have more energy too since I’d be spending less energy in second guessing other people’s motives, reactivity, mental and body defences (tensions) etc.
It would feel wonderful to just be like the ocean and waves without feeling like I have to swim against it or build walls to keep the waves out.
Thank you, Tara! These videos are so powerful and helpful for me to create space in my heart for steps to live my life from an undefended and forgiving heart.
I appreciate the question, “Who would I be without self judgement and outward blaming of my parents?”
My answer: I’d be a better teacher. I’d feel a sense of belonging and being loved. I’d forgive my father and mother for their shortcomings as parents who both grew up without a father and my mother grew up with her mom not really wanting to parent her. I’d recognize that they didn’t know how that effected the way they related to raising their own children, not knowing how to be nurturing. I’d be able to experience true compassionate forgiveness for them, and stop judging myself for feelings of unlovable/unworthy of being loved. Thank you again, I am learning and healing 🙂 With gratitude, Muriel
You presented the sequences artfully and beautifully.
Your voice and pacing shifted my physiology from self protection..
to Stephen Porges.. Cooperative.. Co.regulation self ?
Hi Tara,
Thank you so much for these 3 wonderful presentations. The one I found most useful was Shift out of Blame. I learned that I have believed that if I don’t tell my adult children what they are doing wrong they will not change. Of course the don’t change because of what I say and it has only damaged our relationships. So this is something I’m going to let go of. It is a habit that will be hard to break for me, but you have given me the confidence to try it.
Thanking you
Anna Lyons
Found myself forgive Stephanie’s innocent but hurtful actions.
I would be ME: a dancer on shafts of light, partnering the wind, skimming through the waves, soaring with the mountains, treading lightly on this earth doing no harm to others or myself. Namaste and thank you
At present I need to work on harsh judgment of myself and blame for neglecting loved ones. Without that it’d be easier to meet them with lightness and joyfulness. Thank you, Tara, for your guidance!!
Thanks, Tara. I have been living with chronic anxiety and fear of abandonment. Often I am angry and resentful of my husband who does not offer me the support and reassurance I think I need and who does not know how to help me soothe these feelings. I get angry which distances him more. By making a u-turn, I realize that my perception of his lack of support brings up feelings of abandonment and sadness that I don’t have a partner who will “take care of me”.
I have been trying to practice this with my mother for the past few months. I had so much regret, anger and sadness wrt our relationship and what it wasn’t. Sadly, she passed away a few weeks ago. Although I feel we were both walking down the right path together toward healing, we didn’t quite make it…time ran out.
It felt weird for me tell my self it’s ok to feel embarrassed, fear, and ashamed. Losing sight of your own self dignity caused by putting so much belief in another person, but I felt myself soften a little as I thought about the emotional baggage that the other person has been carrying. I know it’s going to take a lot of practice to let go of the anger I am carrying, but this really helped at the present moment.
Ruth, I have really appreciated these videos, & the others Tara has made. She is wise, funny, & so realistic, & a gift to the world. I know I will never meet her in person, but these videos are the next best thing.
Thank you. This a a very healthy freeing practice that I can see will be helpful and I can see myself applying to many relationships. However, I am having more difficulty applying it to situations and persons , parents who have committed serious abuses toward their children.
I would feel free and peaceful. Accepting myself and others just as we are. In return, my intimate relationships would improve