This really struck a cord in me. I have so much work to do with myself, getting rid of judgement, self doubt, and a lack of confidence. Because of passed relationships, I relied so heavily of my husband for all my self worth. Since he recently passed away I have no self worth and seem unable to move forward. Thank you for a clearer picture of actual thoughts and actions I can take to at least aim me in the right direction.
This 3 short videos have been very practical and helpful Tara – as always. The letting go of judgment and self compassion are layered experiences – always more to learn. Thank you for helping us all unpack the layers.
Stopping to think where the other person is coming from is very helpful. Their words that may bring anger and resentment in me could be a reflection of what is going on with them. So rather than blaming them or blaming myself, it’s more helpful to understand what is behind the words. What fear do they have? What action am I doing that causes them to react that way. When we both try to understand the other, we can be kinder to each other.
I felt my body soften and my face release tightness. A Calming feeling flowing through me. I understand how this exercise can work on the child ego state from a transactional analysis perspective.
I like the idea of the u-turn our of blaming and toward compassion.
This is something that would require practice, just as the tendency to blame has been practiced over the course of a lifetime. But it sounds like a practice that could shift one’s default way of reacting to something more loving.
Brought on feelings of calm, safety. Fear of abandonment/being unlovable driving need to blame partner/highlight his shortcomings. Created space to feel his ‘flawed love’ vs the need for his love to show up in a perfect way that can’t be criticized by me. If he really loved me, he would be perfect and his love would be as well.
Without blame and judgement I would be at fully at peace without any anxiety.
I found this video very helpful as I’m working with a client who is very blaming/judgemental of himself. This gives me another tool to use reinforcing the need to keep bringing compassion to the process. Doing the exercise I found another layer of self blame from my childhood keeping me from intimacy with family, thank you, more self work to do.
Thank you Tara. As I looked at the person who hurt me I sadly realized I made a huge mistake thinking it was what I needed to do to move forward. And now I am blaming myself, and his behavior, for my making the wrong decision. I need to look more deeply at this and do your practices you present here so I can move out of my current state and move forward. Thank you for this. I deeply appreciate your kindness and teachings.
Elaine
Thank you Tara for sharing your wisdom. The two arrows of emotions and then judging our emotions is such a great reminder to accept all that comes up. Noticing it and moving it into the heart and heart space.
well she told my story……….must be common………tried having the conversation with my father……….although at the time there was much fear, judgement and anger ……..and now im trying with my adult children……there are so many distractions to love……….thank you for bringing us back
Anna Eckhardt, Psychotherapy, Brooklyn, NY, USAsays
I was really struck by how quickly I was able to drop the content and shift into the vulnerable feelings. Besides being healing overall, it showed me how far I had come with doing this type of reflective work. Many thanks,
Anna
The u-turn practice is very helpful to shift those stories we keep telling ourselves when we believe it would be too hard to let them go. It also reminds me of the quote ….”there isn’t a person we wouldn’t love if we only knew their story”…it invites our best caring, compassionate selves.
I would be able to have more meaningful, heart-felt connections with my family and children. I would be more genuine and not dragged into the net of guilt, depression and anxiety! I would be FREE!!!
This has been very helpful. I appreciate the healing tone and the simplicity of the process. I know it is not easy tho change these old patterns, but Tara has presented this in a manageable and understandable format. Thank you!
I love the idea of the 3-step practice. I also appreciate it, when you say, it might not happen all at once. I feel angry at my Mother who has been so critical of me all my life. I look at how she is to some of my other younger siblings and I feel resentful. I know it is hurt that I felt, but being angry keeps me from staying in sadness. Not that I don’t feel depression over it, anyways. It’s easier to be angry, it’s hard to allow myself to cry over it. Still I see what I need to do, and knowing that the u-turn give myself permission to be vulnerable. Thanks for this, it has given me a lot to think about.
It seems really simple to let go of judgment and blame, but it still is mystifying to me, mostly because I’m only partially aware of how embedded my resistance to feeling is affecting my to progress (cue second arrow). I fully understand the potential of this, and I understand that I’m not there yet. Each thing like these teachings I pick up I take some power and hope to find a critical mass where I feel like I’ve unlocked something that moves me forward in understanding and self-kindness. I will likely not understand my progress until I can look back on my work though.
This has a similarity to Byron Katie’s “The Work”, but I think this video and the exercise really adds depth to what I understood with the foundational questions Byron Katie asks. Thank you.
Thank you for these videos. I have practiced often on for many years but recently got incredibly triggered in a family situation. I was so upset and unhappy mostly because of past experiences rather than responding to What was actually happening. I got so overwhelmed. I realize that I have kept myself a little at arms length from myself and from the world in order to just avoid being overwhelmed. These three simple processes really helped me To let go of some of what I was feeling and move on
I was able to do uturn and feel my own vulnerability and other feelings, and to create compassion for myself, but had difficulty with compassion for the other…. need more practice! Without blame and self judgement I would be much more free and peaceful.
I experienced lifting of weight over my shoulders once I shifted out of chronic blame and judgement
Need to practice that feeling of softening agai and again
I also call it “ letting go of the story( U- Turn) and drop into the Body/ State ie. what are you Feeling.
And then one develops kindness like feelings toward the dog who is suffering due to his leg being caught in a trap.
Wow – loved the 3 steps from unworthiness and judgment — to self-compassion – how it starts with self and then doing the U-turn from blame to understanding and compassion for others too! Your analogy of the 2 arrows and the dog with its leg in the trap are beautiful and really helps to anchor it in. Thanks for this work!
I found it hard to find an incident to use as a subject for the U turn! I have recently started therapy, two years after coming out of a cult that had a hold over me for almost 38 years. I have a long way to go in finding true compassion for myself: finding it for others is something I don’t find quite so hard. Thank you!
glenda hesseltine, Health Education, Eureka, CA, USAsays
I loved this 3 step practice! It works! And who I would be if I let go of judgment and blame is FREE! A person with a light heart and gentle footprint in the world. Thank you Tara (and Ruth) for taking me closer to that goal. I look forward to the free audio download.
Your voice is so soothing I love it! I seem to release some grudge against my mother when I listen to your video today. I put my hand on my heart and seem to feel something soften. You are a great really good, and I think God for you!
When you mentioned the man’s realization of the sadness he felt that he didn’t have a father who loved him, a similar sense that I was not loveable welled up in my chest and I started to cry. I’m going to do this practice in my meditations and explore that feeling within me.
Seeing myself and others like the little dog with his leg in a trap is very helpful, especially when you say that even with that knowledge you may not be able to get too close. It’s exactly where I stand with my ex-husband. I would really like us to be able to soften to each other, but his pain still leaves him snapping and biting. One day, hopefully….
I would be living in the present more instead of past blame and victim hood. But this has gone on for decades and although he has passed, it might take too much effort/willingness and belief to free myself.
I not only judge and blame others—I am even harder on myself. If the relentless lashing was gone I would be calm physically and emotionally. My ability to see and feel and share joy, love, compassion, acceptance, gentleness, gratitude would be would increase. I don’t think I would carry the knots of tension in my neck and shoulders. I would laugh more often. I would not be so fearful of making mistakes and could live a larger life Basically be a different person
Barbara Gummere, Coach, Fort lauderdale, FL, USAsays
I have been practicing getting out of my own way for many years thanks to my understanding of mindfulness. It leaves me with space to be grateful everyday. I practice compassion everyday with my family and friends because this life is difficult enough and I don’t know what goes on behind closed doors and making up stories only confuses the reality of each life.
I am now a person who has grown beyond the traumatic experience and am able to feel compassion for those involved in those hurts. I am out from under the self blame, crippling hurt, fear, and shame – I am free to love again and experience that love spreading both outward and inward. I am hugely grateful for the meditations and mindfulness that made this possible.
This really struck a cord in me. I have so much work to do with myself, getting rid of judgement, self doubt, and a lack of confidence. Because of passed relationships, I relied so heavily of my husband for all my self worth. Since he recently passed away I have no self worth and seem unable to move forward. Thank you for a clearer picture of actual thoughts and actions I can take to at least aim me in the right direction.
This 3 short videos have been very practical and helpful Tara – as always. The letting go of judgment and self compassion are layered experiences – always more to learn. Thank you for helping us all unpack the layers.
Stopping to think where the other person is coming from is very helpful. Their words that may bring anger and resentment in me could be a reflection of what is going on with them. So rather than blaming them or blaming myself, it’s more helpful to understand what is behind the words. What fear do they have? What action am I doing that causes them to react that way. When we both try to understand the other, we can be kinder to each other.
A peaceful, joyful human being.
I felt my body soften and my face release tightness. A Calming feeling flowing through me. I understand how this exercise can work on the child ego state from a transactional analysis perspective.
I like the idea of the u-turn our of blaming and toward compassion.
This is something that would require practice, just as the tendency to blame has been practiced over the course of a lifetime. But it sounds like a practice that could shift one’s default way of reacting to something more loving.
Brought on feelings of calm, safety. Fear of abandonment/being unlovable driving need to blame partner/highlight his shortcomings. Created space to feel his ‘flawed love’ vs the need for his love to show up in a perfect way that can’t be criticized by me. If he really loved me, he would be perfect and his love would be as well.
Without blame and judgement I would be at fully at peace without any anxiety.
I found this video very helpful as I’m working with a client who is very blaming/judgemental of himself. This gives me another tool to use reinforcing the need to keep bringing compassion to the process. Doing the exercise I found another layer of self blame from my childhood keeping me from intimacy with family, thank you, more self work to do.
yes, many issues with my father and self judgement blame of myself
Thank you. Wonderful series. Tara always seems to convey so much wisdom in a short time. I will include this in my practice with cancer patients.
I would be happier and more accepting of myself and others.
If I could move forward from blame and judgement I would have more energy, freedom and peace.
Thank you Tara. As I looked at the person who hurt me I sadly realized I made a huge mistake thinking it was what I needed to do to move forward. And now I am blaming myself, and his behavior, for my making the wrong decision. I need to look more deeply at this and do your practices you present here so I can move out of my current state and move forward. Thank you for this. I deeply appreciate your kindness and teachings.
Elaine
Thank you Tara for sharing your wisdom. The two arrows of emotions and then judging our emotions is such a great reminder to accept all that comes up. Noticing it and moving it into the heart and heart space.
As a “visual” learner and creator, this deeply resonated with me! Thank you for sharing coping “skills” that are truly beautifully demonstrated!
well she told my story……….must be common………tried having the conversation with my father……….although at the time there was much fear, judgement and anger ……..and now im trying with my adult children……there are so many distractions to love……….thank you for bringing us back
Thank you for this help. It means so much.
I was really struck by how quickly I was able to drop the content and shift into the vulnerable feelings. Besides being healing overall, it showed me how far I had come with doing this type of reflective work. Many thanks,
Anna
Such good information!
Thank you for your work Tara. Really helpful practices.
Thank you Tara. I appreciate your wisdom and your many contributions to the world. Namaste.
The u-turn practice is very helpful to shift those stories we keep telling ourselves when we believe it would be too hard to let them go. It also reminds me of the quote ….”there isn’t a person we wouldn’t love if we only knew their story”…it invites our best caring, compassionate selves.
I would be able to have more meaningful, heart-felt connections with my family and children. I would be more genuine and not dragged into the net of guilt, depression and anxiety! I would be FREE!!!
This has been very helpful. I appreciate the healing tone and the simplicity of the process. I know it is not easy tho change these old patterns, but Tara has presented this in a manageable and understandable format. Thank you!
I love the idea of the 3-step practice. I also appreciate it, when you say, it might not happen all at once. I feel angry at my Mother who has been so critical of me all my life. I look at how she is to some of my other younger siblings and I feel resentful. I know it is hurt that I felt, but being angry keeps me from staying in sadness. Not that I don’t feel depression over it, anyways. It’s easier to be angry, it’s hard to allow myself to cry over it. Still I see what I need to do, and knowing that the u-turn give myself permission to be vulnerable. Thanks for this, it has given me a lot to think about.
It seems really simple to let go of judgment and blame, but it still is mystifying to me, mostly because I’m only partially aware of how embedded my resistance to feeling is affecting my to progress (cue second arrow). I fully understand the potential of this, and I understand that I’m not there yet. Each thing like these teachings I pick up I take some power and hope to find a critical mass where I feel like I’ve unlocked something that moves me forward in understanding and self-kindness. I will likely not understand my progress until I can look back on my work though.
This has a similarity to Byron Katie’s “The Work”, but I think this video and the exercise really adds depth to what I understood with the foundational questions Byron Katie asks. Thank you.
This is beautiful, kind and powerful work and tools. I have enjoyed these personally thoroughly and hope to share when able. Thank you very much.
Thank you for your guidance; it is greatly appreciated.
Thank you for these videos. I have practiced often on for many years but recently got incredibly triggered in a family situation. I was so upset and unhappy mostly because of past experiences rather than responding to What was actually happening. I got so overwhelmed. I realize that I have kept myself a little at arms length from myself and from the world in order to just avoid being overwhelmed. These three simple processes really helped me To let go of some of what I was feeling and move on
I would be a less frightened person and take things more lightly – laugh more often.
Very lovely process!
Claudia M
I was able to do uturn and feel my own vulnerability and other feelings, and to create compassion for myself, but had difficulty with compassion for the other…. need more practice! Without blame and self judgement I would be much more free and peaceful.
This is helpful. I can use the skills with my client’s immediately. Thank you
I experienced lifting of weight over my shoulders once I shifted out of chronic blame and judgement
Need to practice that feeling of softening agai and again
I also call it “ letting go of the story( U- Turn) and drop into the Body/ State ie. what are you Feeling.
And then one develops kindness like feelings toward the dog who is suffering due to his leg being caught in a trap.
Thanks
Wow – loved the 3 steps from unworthiness and judgment — to self-compassion – how it starts with self and then doing the U-turn from blame to understanding and compassion for others too! Your analogy of the 2 arrows and the dog with its leg in the trap are beautiful and really helps to anchor it in. Thanks for this work!
Free. Daring. Lighter.
Such a helpful and practical application of compassion to self and other.
I found it hard to find an incident to use as a subject for the U turn! I have recently started therapy, two years after coming out of a cult that had a hold over me for almost 38 years. I have a long way to go in finding true compassion for myself: finding it for others is something I don’t find quite so hard. Thank you!
Avoir le droit l’espace avoir une place avec oxygène et soleil. Oui moi aussi j’ai le droit à cette place.
More free, softer, I would allow love to show more!
I loved this 3 step practice! It works! And who I would be if I let go of judgment and blame is FREE! A person with a light heart and gentle footprint in the world. Thank you Tara (and Ruth) for taking me closer to that goal. I look forward to the free audio download.
Your voice is so soothing I love it! I seem to release some grudge against my mother when I listen to your video today. I put my hand on my heart and seem to feel something soften. You are a great really good, and I think God for you!
When you mentioned the man’s realization of the sadness he felt that he didn’t have a father who loved him, a similar sense that I was not loveable welled up in my chest and I started to cry. I’m going to do this practice in my meditations and explore that feeling within me.
Seeing myself and others like the little dog with his leg in a trap is very helpful, especially when you say that even with that knowledge you may not be able to get too close. It’s exactly where I stand with my ex-husband. I would really like us to be able to soften to each other, but his pain still leaves him snapping and biting. One day, hopefully….
I love the simplicity of take a U- Turn. Easy to remember and shift into during distress with self and or other. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing this. I love the simple metaphors and steps. Your teaching makes what can feel complicated, much more accessible.
I would be living in the present more instead of past blame and victim hood. But this has gone on for decades and although he has passed, it might take too much effort/willingness and belief to free myself.
I not only judge and blame others—I am even harder on myself. If the relentless lashing was gone I would be calm physically and emotionally. My ability to see and feel and share joy, love, compassion, acceptance, gentleness, gratitude would be would increase. I don’t think I would carry the knots of tension in my neck and shoulders. I would laugh more often. I would not be so fearful of making mistakes and could live a larger life Basically be a different person
I have been practicing getting out of my own way for many years thanks to my understanding of mindfulness. It leaves me with space to be grateful everyday. I practice compassion everyday with my family and friends because this life is difficult enough and I don’t know what goes on behind closed doors and making up stories only confuses the reality of each life.
I am now a person who has grown beyond the traumatic experience and am able to feel compassion for those involved in those hurts. I am out from under the self blame, crippling hurt, fear, and shame – I am free to love again and experience that love spreading both outward and inward. I am hugely grateful for the meditations and mindfulness that made this possible.