Teresa Sesma Meyers, Nursing, Port Angeles, WA, USAsays
I was able to validate the pain, shame and anger that another person had laid upon me. Most importantly I recognized that the individual who made me feel that was also deeply rooted in her own trance of blame and unworthiness. The techniques that were shared were insightful and practical. I will keep my hand on my heart.
If I could totally let go of judgment & blame I would be God. I do not expect to reach that level so I accept myself as I am & rededicate myself to the process of forgiving. Forgiving means paying the price for what I & others do wrong. Paying the price can make people spiritual millionaires.
I found that hurt little girl. Never sure she was loved and she felt emotionally abandoned.
I found the deep sadness, tears welled without flowing. I think I needed to stay there but was directed to complete that U turn by focusing on the other. I couldn’t find that connection with “the other’s” vulnerability at this time.
Need to repeat, continue no doubt.
I was deeply moved when doing the U-turn practice and had a great release of sadness. Thank you again for all your work and sharing. Mary, Counsellor England
Learning not to blame others was easier for me when I realised people have flows and weaknesses and do mistakes just like me.
But I notice that part of me, unable to place the blame onto others, I ended up taking the blame on myself.
Even when others do harmful things to me I think it was me who let that happen for getting involved with them in the first place.
And then I feel shame and embarrassment.
It is a subtle thing that I am learning to recognise. Awareness is the way.
Answering the question who I’d be if let go of blame and shame, I guess I’d be more loving towards myself and more open to love others.
This is an amazingly simple yet potentially earth-shattering practice to healing old wounds. The topic is presented in a sensible, understandable way that touches deep within and genuinely puts the ability to heal within reach. Thank you.
anna schietzelt, Exercise Physiology, Brooklyn, NY, USAsays
I do have compassion for people who I feel hurt me, I don’t have anger towards them at all. But even with similar exercises I come back to some hurts and the same people feeling like a victim even though I truly do not feel anger towards them… how to let go of victimhood?
I would be Joyful Connection and Love, my essence, which I have covered with layers of hurt and resistance from those things that happened in the past that I need not carry with me. I would simply Be.
Thanks Tara great 3 piece talk. You said “it’s ok to feel self compassion and tenderness” . I paused and went into the self and felt instant tears welling up inside of me which shows that I need to except myself as I am, a hard thing to do . To allow that self tenderness is a big step. Many thanks you are a true blessing???
Thank you, I feel a lot of grief especially this time of year with fall coming, this exercise stirred up some of my sadness over losing people I love to death or distance or their choice to end the relationship.
I released so much tears and my anger softened so much while listening this practical and short video , reminding me of my hidden skills. Even though I practice mindfulness regularely yet I get cought in the thinking such as “oh again, the same unchanging- ,”out of fear complaining and demand behaviors I don’t know if I can cope with this any more”. Then I put my hand on my heart and words of my mother resonate through my heart:
” God does not send anything that you can not deal with ”
I am so happy t have found you Tara , as well thank to all my teachers. Under this university and beyond…..mm
So, after this reflection I remember what, you, Tara said in one of your videos ” More sufferings the more you get to practice mindfulness” ha -ha
Namaste,
Making the U-turn was a bit difficult because I knew as I turned I would have to see the hurt, witness the damage… But I did tell myself that I knew this existed and I promise that yes this time it will really be different. I know that my antagonist was a nervous self doubting person… And as a child that was part of the bargain I played into, It’s always seemed easier to have compassion for others and easiest to allow myself to be the reason for their need and compassion.
I think I would be less fearful and feel less vulnerable or overwhelmed around others. It is difficult though because I’m trying to learn how to set and protect healthy personal boundaries. Recently a friend became angry when I politely pointed out that she was interrupting when I was speaking to someone else. Her anger grew over the following days and came to the surface whenever there was any kind of difference of opinion. I must have triggered something for her as her behavior triggered old wounds for me. How do you find the balance between protecting your boundaries and being compassionate and seeing the vulnerability in the other person?
Just thinking about unresolved issues, bringing them to mind and then viewing the old feelings through this lens of compassion, of everyone being in the same human boat has been a soothing experience.
Betsy Campbell, Another Field, Chelmsford, MA, USAsays
This video was just what I have been dealing with in therapy. Thank you.
My Father sexually abused me an my husband physically! In U turning back to meI realize that they both had problems that had nothing to do with me! They didn’t do it because Something was wring with me!
Both affected me terribly!
Your talks have helped a lot!
This one got me! I am such a blamer 🙁 But, I am also learning to be compassionate. The u-turn is a very useful piece of kit to use for myself and for my pupils. Every time I come back to myself and what I’m feeling, I soften and can experience a groundedness that isn’t present when I’m in the blaming place. Thanks for the reminder.
I often use this theory with my clients, I loved how you communicated it. I find that outward expressions of anger by clients is often reflected in an inner belief of harsh self judgement, the challenge is connecting that inner critic with self compassion. Some clients are more resistant than others and I find one has to be creative in ways to facilitate the clients engagement in self compassion. Once achieved it tends to reflect positively on how clients engage with everyone including themselves.
I’m not sure if the following example it is exactly like what is described as doing a u-turn but my father’s wife is a very angry bitter person who loves to engage in arguments and negativity. The last time I was visiting I just detached from what she was saying and tried to see her as a person and ask myself what is it I’m really needing to do here. I was able to keep myself rational and not engage. It felt like a much healthier interaction for me and I left it feeling sad for her that this is how she chooses to live her life
Very informative, however, for me in particular I simply can’t function and get myself beyond self compassion. I have forgiven, I have released judgments, and have done years of inner work only to never allow myself get past self compassion. That is my roadblock. I breakdown, become emotional, and pretty much useless. The cycle continues. So what is the next step? What am I missing? Some people are motivated by anger. Once that’s removed, what takes its place as the catalyst? What creates that spark?
Very moving. These three mini sessions have given me insight into my own life and experiences, and insight into how I can adjust my practice to be more effective in guiding my clients towards the softness of self- compassion. Looking forward to learning more. Many thanks?
Thank you Tara. At 60+ years of age, I have finally begun to forgive but there are still a few I struggle with immensely. This series of short but very powerful videos has already helped me get through a few of the sticky pieces. Would hugely appreciate the 3 methods on audio.
Elizabeth Hallett, Another Field, Ashland, OR, USAsays
This question is very useful. Perhaps I would be radiant all day long. But what to do about a person who wants to vilify the other based upon misperceptions?
Roberta Auslander, Psychotherapy, Highland Park, IL, USAsays
I’m not sure who I’d be without resentment and blame. I am a respected professional with three high functioning children but I can’t let go of my resentment towards my abusive family. I feel the grief-I use mindful interventions but it always resurfaces. Intellectually I know I’d be more content if I could let go of self and other blame, but I can’t seem to get there.
Thank you for this trilogy of self-care. It is gentle, yet profound. I appreciate this very much in my ongoing work and practice of befriending all parts of myself.
it’s so painful to feel deep inner wounds. I am so used to burry these feelings. To open up again and feel, let those feelings be with me and be kind to myself helps me to let go of judgment of others too. But it’s not an easy way, takes so much courage. Your talks and meditations are always helpful, if I am getting stuck somewhere.
I found it powerful to get out of my own way by putting the blame on someone else and then doing the u-turn to focusing on myself not the other. The self-compassion component was very powerful too. I need more self-compassion and less self-judgment. Thank you
Patricia Masters, Psychotherapy, San Juan Capistrano, CA, USAsays
Thank you Tara. I see the best of each modality of therapy in your practices. The u- turn practice helps counteract the isolation of affect defense, that keeps us from the core feeling that needs compassion. The image of the dog in a trap will stay with me always. Beautiful. Thank you!
I was able to validate the pain, shame and anger that another person had laid upon me. Most importantly I recognized that the individual who made me feel that was also deeply rooted in her own trance of blame and unworthiness. The techniques that were shared were insightful and practical. I will keep my hand on my heart.
If I could totally let go of judgment & blame I would be God. I do not expect to reach that level so I accept myself as I am & rededicate myself to the process of forgiving. Forgiving means paying the price for what I & others do wrong. Paying the price can make people spiritual millionaires.
I found that hurt little girl. Never sure she was loved and she felt emotionally abandoned.
I found the deep sadness, tears welled without flowing. I think I needed to stay there but was directed to complete that U turn by focusing on the other. I couldn’t find that connection with “the other’s” vulnerability at this time.
Need to repeat, continue no doubt.
Thank you for sharing this exercise. Was eye opening for me.
I was deeply moved when doing the U-turn practice and had a great release of sadness. Thank you again for all your work and sharing. Mary, Counsellor England
The separating the two arrows practice in the previous video is very helpful. Thanks.
Learning not to blame others was easier for me when I realised people have flows and weaknesses and do mistakes just like me.
But I notice that part of me, unable to place the blame onto others, I ended up taking the blame on myself.
Even when others do harmful things to me I think it was me who let that happen for getting involved with them in the first place.
And then I feel shame and embarrassment.
It is a subtle thing that I am learning to recognise. Awareness is the way.
Answering the question who I’d be if let go of blame and shame, I guess I’d be more loving towards myself and more open to love others.
Thanks a lot Tara
I will be so light and full of joy and love !
Christine
I would be myself
This is an amazingly simple yet potentially earth-shattering practice to healing old wounds. The topic is presented in a sensible, understandable way that touches deep within and genuinely puts the ability to heal within reach. Thank you.
I have been researching more into these things and are findign them very benifical for myself as well as my clients.
Free
The u-turn was empowering for me because it meant looking at myself rather than putting the situation in someone else’s realm of control.
Yes I freed myself with self compassion
Excellent practice. It allowed me to see what I need to do in order to ‘not feel’ the way I did about myself. I feel a pathway has opened up for me.
Thankyou. A useful practice looking after ourselves as well as others
Self acceptance and freedom from blaming is compelling and takes practice which is rewarding abd heart opening.Need more of this to grow
I do have compassion for people who I feel hurt me, I don’t have anger towards them at all. But even with similar exercises I come back to some hurts and the same people feeling like a victim even though I truly do not feel anger towards them… how to let go of victimhood?
Thank you Tara. Powerful practice. When I ask myself the above question, the answer is a loud “I would be unconditionally happy”.
I would be Joyful Connection and Love, my essence, which I have covered with layers of hurt and resistance from those things that happened in the past that I need not carry with me. I would simply Be.
I can see how we lose compassion for others when we don’t have it for ourself.
Thanks Tara great 3 piece talk. You said “it’s ok to feel self compassion and tenderness” . I paused and went into the self and felt instant tears welling up inside of me which shows that I need to except myself as I am, a hard thing to do . To allow that self tenderness is a big step. Many thanks you are a true blessing???
Thank you, I feel a lot of grief especially this time of year with fall coming, this exercise stirred up some of my sadness over losing people I love to death or distance or their choice to end the relationship.
I released so much tears and my anger softened so much while listening this practical and short video , reminding me of my hidden skills. Even though I practice mindfulness regularely yet I get cought in the thinking such as “oh again, the same unchanging- ,”out of fear complaining and demand behaviors I don’t know if I can cope with this any more”. Then I put my hand on my heart and words of my mother resonate through my heart:
” God does not send anything that you can not deal with ”
I am so happy t have found you Tara , as well thank to all my teachers. Under this university and beyond…..mm
So, after this reflection I remember what, you, Tara said in one of your videos ” More sufferings the more you get to practice mindfulness” ha -ha
Namaste,
I would be free to make choices based on my actual needs and desires, not out of past programming. That sounds wonderful, actually! Thanks for this.
Making the U-turn was a bit difficult because I knew as I turned I would have to see the hurt, witness the damage… But I did tell myself that I knew this existed and I promise that yes this time it will really be different. I know that my antagonist was a nervous self doubting person… And as a child that was part of the bargain I played into, It’s always seemed easier to have compassion for others and easiest to allow myself to be the reason for their need and compassion.
This was very helpful. Having us practice brought it home and will help me work with clients. Thank you.
Awesome approach and exercises.
I would be happier and not have a tight feeling in my stomach every time I see this person.
I think I would be less fearful and feel less vulnerable or overwhelmed around others. It is difficult though because I’m trying to learn how to set and protect healthy personal boundaries. Recently a friend became angry when I politely pointed out that she was interrupting when I was speaking to someone else. Her anger grew over the following days and came to the surface whenever there was any kind of difference of opinion. I must have triggered something for her as her behavior triggered old wounds for me. How do you find the balance between protecting your boundaries and being compassionate and seeing the vulnerability in the other person?
Just thinking about unresolved issues, bringing them to mind and then viewing the old feelings through this lens of compassion, of everyone being in the same human boat has been a soothing experience.
This video was just what I have been dealing with in therapy. Thank you.
My Father sexually abused me an my husband physically! In U turning back to meI realize that they both had problems that had nothing to do with me! They didn’t do it because Something was wring with me!
Both affected me terribly!
Your talks have helped a lot!
This one got me! I am such a blamer 🙁 But, I am also learning to be compassionate. The u-turn is a very useful piece of kit to use for myself and for my pupils. Every time I come back to myself and what I’m feeling, I soften and can experience a groundedness that isn’t present when I’m in the blaming place. Thanks for the reminder.
I often use this theory with my clients, I loved how you communicated it. I find that outward expressions of anger by clients is often reflected in an inner belief of harsh self judgement, the challenge is connecting that inner critic with self compassion. Some clients are more resistant than others and I find one has to be creative in ways to facilitate the clients engagement in self compassion. Once achieved it tends to reflect positively on how clients engage with everyone including themselves.
Love the metaphor of leg in a trap. Speaks to me
Thank you, this was very helpful!
I’m not sure if the following example it is exactly like what is described as doing a u-turn but my father’s wife is a very angry bitter person who loves to engage in arguments and negativity. The last time I was visiting I just detached from what she was saying and tried to see her as a person and ask myself what is it I’m really needing to do here. I was able to keep myself rational and not engage. It felt like a much healthier interaction for me and I left it feeling sad for her that this is how she chooses to live her life
Very helpful. Thanks so much!
Very informative, however, for me in particular I simply can’t function and get myself beyond self compassion. I have forgiven, I have released judgments, and have done years of inner work only to never allow myself get past self compassion. That is my roadblock. I breakdown, become emotional, and pretty much useless. The cycle continues. So what is the next step? What am I missing? Some people are motivated by anger. Once that’s removed, what takes its place as the catalyst? What creates that spark?
Very moving. These three mini sessions have given me insight into my own life and experiences, and insight into how I can adjust my practice to be more effective in guiding my clients towards the softness of self- compassion. Looking forward to learning more. Many thanks?
Thank you Tara. At 60+ years of age, I have finally begun to forgive but there are still a few I struggle with immensely. This series of short but very powerful videos has already helped me get through a few of the sticky pieces. Would hugely appreciate the 3 methods on audio.
This simple method has not only helped me with my own journey but will be powerful with my clients both the principal and how I applied it to my life.
What a miracle to shift from self-judgment and into self-compassion. You have been so helpful. Your work is a true blessing to many. Thank you!
This question is very useful. Perhaps I would be radiant all day long. But what to do about a person who wants to vilify the other based upon misperceptions?
I’m not sure who I’d be without resentment and blame. I am a respected professional with three high functioning children but I can’t let go of my resentment towards my abusive family. I feel the grief-I use mindful interventions but it always resurfaces. Intellectually I know I’d be more content if I could let go of self and other blame, but I can’t seem to get there.
A better mom
Thank you for this trilogy of self-care. It is gentle, yet profound. I appreciate this very much in my ongoing work and practice of befriending all parts of myself.
it’s so painful to feel deep inner wounds. I am so used to burry these feelings. To open up again and feel, let those feelings be with me and be kind to myself helps me to let go of judgment of others too. But it’s not an easy way, takes so much courage. Your talks and meditations are always helpful, if I am getting stuck somewhere.
I found it powerful to get out of my own way by putting the blame on someone else and then doing the u-turn to focusing on myself not the other. The self-compassion component was very powerful too. I need more self-compassion and less self-judgment. Thank you
Thank you Tara. I see the best of each modality of therapy in your practices. The u- turn practice helps counteract the isolation of affect defense, that keeps us from the core feeling that needs compassion. The image of the dog in a trap will stay with me always. Beautiful. Thank you!