Anchored and ready to make my world wider, with more curiosity and more lightness within myself and to share within my daily interactions. I would have more energy!
Thank you Tara – this was a very eye opening series and clearly one that has helped many. I have my MA in clinical psych, but have also struggled with being too hard on myself. I have often felt I haven’t been able to fly as high as I could with these feelings of blame and self-judgement. Your exercises have really put a dent in that heavy burden feeling in a way that I haven’t felt before and I think if I keep practicing I will continue to expand that peace. Many thanks to you and your genuine efforts to help others. 🙂
This reminded me of a time when I really struggled in my relationship with my father. This reminded me of the hurts and traps that have often served to separate us. I love him dearly even though we often disagree. This helped me to remember his hurts and how his hurts and mine have impacted others. Thank you so much for sharing these videos. I have watched all three numerous times because they have struck a chord within me that while difficult to touch needs to be healed. As a counselor, I am looking forward to seeing how these may help me to be able to help them as well.
I would be less insecure. I would not assume that I was being rejected by others regularly. The practice was tricky because I find it very difficult to stop blaming myself and offer tender acceptance. What’s weird is that at the same time, I am irritable with others because I think I know how everyone should be. Ugh! Now more blame.
BRIAN STEPPACHER, Other, SOUTH PORTLAND, ME, USAsays
It has not been resolved yet. Two sides of the same coin. I was wrong. I was not blamed or judged. I judged and blamed myself; now I even go so far as to blame and judge others. I shot myself with the first and shot myself with the second. Now I shoot innocent others and blame them. Shame on me. How long has this been going on? When will I turn myself around?
Maybe it isn’t a matter of turning myself around. What if I let it be? What if I let go of it? Do it right. “…this too belongs…” __older and wiser__ experienced__ lessons learned the hard way but learned… I will be forced to repeat that which remains unlearned (please, cross the bridge once and be done with it)__ forgive yourself… forgive others__ move on…move on with a softened and compassionate heart.
Peace
I judge myself. It’s not so much others. I’ve always viewed myself as stupid. I was not clever at school.i had a disfunctional family so I left the uk and moved to Australia and got married. I set myself strong goal. I’m now 71. I have health issues. So much I can’t do. This is the area that I beat myself up. I frequently say to myself. You stupid person
If i let go of self-judgment, i would more likely become my authentic self.
Now, my judgments often limit my ability and my willingness to listen to my heart and its desires, which i believe represent my true voice/self. The practice of self compassion, instead of Judgment, would allow my heart to be more willing to express itself, rather than to feel repressed and shut down.
This teaching sequence has brought together many streams of compassion teaching and was help.
This is very timely wisdom and I appreciate being walked through all the steps of the you-turn. I notice that my mind naturally jumps to assuming compassion for another, bypassing my direct experience of hurt or suffering. I can see very well that my father acts more often than not from a bound position of unprocessed wounding for example, but I am just now learning how to sit with my own pain and deeply care for my own wounding. I think it’s taken a long time to accept I have been blaming him, and my mother for my experiences with depression and insecurity, even while my smart and very well-read ego attempted to self-help my way out of that truth and bypass my way to forgiveness and feigning safe connection. “It’s okay to feel this, really.” Such tenderness is exactly what I have been searching for from others and yet withholding from myself. Thank you for these videos and sharing your work…I’m reading Radical Acceptance now too, bless you!
More kind to myself, even more open to deepening relationships with worthy people. thank you Tara for taking Radical Acceptance to the next level into radical compassion for self and others.
Awareness of what’s driving my thoughts is hard to get to. It takes diligent practice to catch and change thought processes, and I cannot always catch what’s driving the thoughts even with daily effort. I still often react to the thought emotionally or even worse act on it.
Letting go of judgement and chronic blame enables me to be FULFILLED with honesty, authenticity and love. I will be able to add more into my life decreasing clutter and stress of my mind and body. Ultimately better health, peace and hope is available. Thank you Tara and NICABM for your continuous interest and concern to heal.
Thank you for sharing these inspiring videos! The past few days I have been thinking about the messages and practices. The practices are healing, and encourage making ones mind their best friend. I have shared these videos with clients and loved ones, and would like to continue sharing this resource and messages. Thank you for the work that you do!
This help to allow a more positive focus on how we see the world. A mindful approach to how we ourselves feel and acknowledging the vulnerability in ourselves and others, allows us to see that we are all broken, yet we all have a right to be here.
I think i can make a change. I think my current husband is trustworthy. I can see his hurts & vulnerability. I just need to jeep doing this technique to acceot myself & my fears.
Kris Groves, Counseling, South Jordan, UT, USAsays
This was wonderful how quickly it helped me to shift out of self judgement. I actually felt compassion and felt more peaceful and accepting of my self and what I have been feeling after a conflict with my clinical director today. I have been doing the Rain of self compassion 10 minute meditation for months and think this is partially why I was able to shift rather quickly.
Thank you so much Tara. I love listening to all your many videos on you tube. You are truly priceless gift.
I have been practicing letting go of judgement and chronic blame for almost 3 decades after childhood trauma and abuse and it hasn’t been easy, but it has been worth it. I am not perfect by a long shot, but I can see the progress I have made. This video series was so lovely, it really brought together some of the practices I had been taught in a fresh way that opened my heart even wider. Thank you so much for sharing this valuable resource!
michelle schafer, Another Field, San Diego, CA, USAsays
One of my favorite quotes/practices from Pema Chodron is to “drop the story” and just be with what is. The U-turn reminds me of that. Seeing the pain of others,
their vulnerability, is a way to build compassion. When I try to practice self compassion it sometimes helps me to truly feel it by first imagining myself expressing gentleness and tenderness to another person, someone who I can see is feeling pain- maybe they’re homeless or in a detention center separated from their family. Or just sad or lonely. It seems to be a very similar dynamic. And a very healing experience. Thank you Tara for sharing this wisdom. I have been writing all of this down because I want to remember to USE it!
I found this exercise incredibly helpful.
I often get stuck with so much anger and feelings of being unloved, but this really helped me to move past that by having more compassion for the other person & not being stuck blaming them.
Thank you for giving me permission to feel & sit with my pain, while showing myself self compassion.
If I could let go of judgment and chronic blame I would be a more compassionate and forgiving person. Thanks so much Tara. These exercises will be very helpful in my therapy work and my own life. I have been looking for something new for helping clients more effectively with self compassion and here it is 🙂
I have recently completed the mindfulness 6 wk program with you and Jack this summer. I have also completed one of your brief courses on Radical acceptance and listen to your meditation podcasts regularly this past 2 years. I am always pleasantly surprised how even these brief guided reflections, that are clearly and concisely shared bring continued awareness.
Thank you for this most inspiring podcasts. Even if the experiential exercises were short, they were very effective. I have referred this to many friends and clients and I wish it would be available for longer. Thank you so much
Sometimes it feels very hard to believe that one has ‘permission’ to be free from all the pain of judgement and chronic blame, it’s like, I get so far with it then BOOM! something comes along that knocks me right back again!
What would I be? I’d be the best ME. As I tried this practice of u-turning, I found it difficult to see the other person as suffering or hurt, their foot caught in a trap. Tara said it will take time. Yes, it will. Feeling worthy is my goal. I’ve been sabotaging myself through the years with low self -esteem, and being very critical of myself. I’m tired of it. I deserve better.
Philip Mayles, Counseling, Harrisonburg , VA, USAsays
Tara, thanks so much. Your presence and 3-part series could not have come at a better time. I especially resonated with the double arrow metaphor and experienced a much needed softening, thank you.
I think if I could feel compassion and let go of the self judgement, I would feel an inner peace. I also think that I would feel empowered because I would no longer be allowing the hurt, sadness and anger to have so much control over me.
What do I feel after watching these videos? It’s hard to say, since I’ve spent most of my life resisting what’s in my heart. What I am learning now, is to trust my pain. Not to be afraid of it. Not to keep pushing it back down. That I don’t have to cure it on site. All I have to do is let it come up, however much is here for the moment, and open to it. Say a few soothing words to myself. That’s all that’s required. So much less effort too. This is something I will need to keep practicing.
Thank you so much for your honesty and your tips. This has been very helpful for me at a time when I really needed it most! I look forward to the new series that you’re working on.
Many thanks…
I had a traumatic accident 15 years ago with broken bones and 10 surgeries with all the pain and suffering that goes with it. I have made tremendous progress in the past 3 years joining a TBI group and consistent Therapy. I am in a new phase of intense anger about anything and anybody. I do ok for a time then I feel myself loosing control. Society knows very little if anything about TBI. I even saw and ER Dr. that was so ignorant he misdiagnosed me and sent me on his marry way. I need help.
Anchored and ready to make my world wider, with more curiosity and more lightness within myself and to share within my daily interactions. I would have more energy!
Thank you Tara – this was a very eye opening series and clearly one that has helped many. I have my MA in clinical psych, but have also struggled with being too hard on myself. I have often felt I haven’t been able to fly as high as I could with these feelings of blame and self-judgement. Your exercises have really put a dent in that heavy burden feeling in a way that I haven’t felt before and I think if I keep practicing I will continue to expand that peace. Many thanks to you and your genuine efforts to help others. 🙂
Thank you for this. You have a calm and beautiful voice – just listening to you is healing.
This reminded me of a time when I really struggled in my relationship with my father. This reminded me of the hurts and traps that have often served to separate us. I love him dearly even though we often disagree. This helped me to remember his hurts and how his hurts and mine have impacted others. Thank you so much for sharing these videos. I have watched all three numerous times because they have struck a chord within me that while difficult to touch needs to be healed. As a counselor, I am looking forward to seeing how these may help me to be able to help them as well.
Thank you! These three videos were helpful. I have been starting on the shift.
Thank you for this deeply moving and inspiring video and set of practices; I envision them as being so helpful both personally and professionally.
I would be less insecure. I would not assume that I was being rejected by others regularly. The practice was tricky because I find it very difficult to stop blaming myself and offer tender acceptance. What’s weird is that at the same time, I am irritable with others because I think I know how everyone should be. Ugh! Now more blame.
I would be a free soul who could fully enjoy what life has to offer and the people whom I care about!
I would be kinder and more compassionate to all those in my life, having learned to be kinder and more compassionate to myself.
It has not been resolved yet. Two sides of the same coin. I was wrong. I was not blamed or judged. I judged and blamed myself; now I even go so far as to blame and judge others. I shot myself with the first and shot myself with the second. Now I shoot innocent others and blame them. Shame on me. How long has this been going on? When will I turn myself around?
Maybe it isn’t a matter of turning myself around. What if I let it be? What if I let go of it? Do it right. “…this too belongs…” __older and wiser__ experienced__ lessons learned the hard way but learned… I will be forced to repeat that which remains unlearned (please, cross the bridge once and be done with it)__ forgive yourself… forgive others__ move on…move on with a softened and compassionate heart.
Peace
I would be able to be at peace with myself. I would be me but not so weighted down.
I judge myself. It’s not so much others. I’ve always viewed myself as stupid. I was not clever at school.i had a disfunctional family so I left the uk and moved to Australia and got married. I set myself strong goal. I’m now 71. I have health issues. So much I can’t do. This is the area that I beat myself up. I frequently say to myself. You stupid person
Penny’s
If i let go of self-judgment, i would more likely become my authentic self.
Now, my judgments often limit my ability and my willingness to listen to my heart and its desires, which i believe represent my true voice/self. The practice of self compassion, instead of Judgment, would allow my heart to be more willing to express itself, rather than to feel repressed and shut down.
This teaching sequence has brought together many streams of compassion teaching and was help.
fear, shame, and grief…. compassion…. love and kindness…
This is very timely wisdom and I appreciate being walked through all the steps of the you-turn. I notice that my mind naturally jumps to assuming compassion for another, bypassing my direct experience of hurt or suffering. I can see very well that my father acts more often than not from a bound position of unprocessed wounding for example, but I am just now learning how to sit with my own pain and deeply care for my own wounding. I think it’s taken a long time to accept I have been blaming him, and my mother for my experiences with depression and insecurity, even while my smart and very well-read ego attempted to self-help my way out of that truth and bypass my way to forgiveness and feigning safe connection. “It’s okay to feel this, really.” Such tenderness is exactly what I have been searching for from others and yet withholding from myself. Thank you for these videos and sharing your work…I’m reading Radical Acceptance now too, bless you!
I would be a joyous, vibrant creative who can laugh and love deeply and without fear.
More kind to myself, even more open to deepening relationships with worthy people. thank you Tara for taking Radical Acceptance to the next level into radical compassion for self and others.
I would have more energy, feel less social anxiety, do more things with my life, and feel like a heavy weight has been lifted!
Awareness of what’s driving my thoughts is hard to get to. It takes diligent practice to catch and change thought processes, and I cannot always catch what’s driving the thoughts even with daily effort. I still often react to the thought emotionally or even worse act on it.
I would be my true self! Accepting myself would open up so many possibilities for myself!
I have been with judgment and blame for so long, I really don’t know who I would be
Letting go of judgement and chronic blame enables me to be FULFILLED with honesty, authenticity and love. I will be able to add more into my life decreasing clutter and stress of my mind and body. Ultimately better health, peace and hope is available. Thank you Tara and NICABM for your continuous interest and concern to heal.
So simple and helpful. Tara is always wonderful.
Thank you for sharing these inspiring videos! The past few days I have been thinking about the messages and practices. The practices are healing, and encourage making ones mind their best friend. I have shared these videos with clients and loved ones, and would like to continue sharing this resource and messages. Thank you for the work that you do!
who would you be? … more kind to self, and more free and open to participate and not punish myself with anxiety
thank you for your workshops
This help to allow a more positive focus on how we see the world. A mindful approach to how we ourselves feel and acknowledging the vulnerability in ourselves and others, allows us to see that we are all broken, yet we all have a right to be here.
I think i can make a change. I think my current husband is trustworthy. I can see his hurts & vulnerability. I just need to jeep doing this technique to acceot myself & my fears.
This was wonderful how quickly it helped me to shift out of self judgement. I actually felt compassion and felt more peaceful and accepting of my self and what I have been feeling after a conflict with my clinical director today. I have been doing the Rain of self compassion 10 minute meditation for months and think this is partially why I was able to shift rather quickly.
Thank you so much Tara. I love listening to all your many videos on you tube. You are truly priceless gift.
I have been practicing letting go of judgement and chronic blame for almost 3 decades after childhood trauma and abuse and it hasn’t been easy, but it has been worth it. I am not perfect by a long shot, but I can see the progress I have made. This video series was so lovely, it really brought together some of the practices I had been taught in a fresh way that opened my heart even wider. Thank you so much for sharing this valuable resource!
One of my favorite quotes/practices from Pema Chodron is to “drop the story” and just be with what is. The U-turn reminds me of that. Seeing the pain of others,
their vulnerability, is a way to build compassion. When I try to practice self compassion it sometimes helps me to truly feel it by first imagining myself expressing gentleness and tenderness to another person, someone who I can see is feeling pain- maybe they’re homeless or in a detention center separated from their family. Or just sad or lonely. It seems to be a very similar dynamic. And a very healing experience. Thank you Tara for sharing this wisdom. I have been writing all of this down because I want to remember to USE it!
Thanks for sharing these beautiful videos. It just gives you a different perspective.
I am sure I can apply it to my life and my clients too.
An authentic life is so much easier to live!!
This is where my greatest pain is right now.
THANK YOU
PERFECT TIMING
I found this exercise incredibly helpful.
I often get stuck with so much anger and feelings of being unloved, but this really helped me to move past that by having more compassion for the other person & not being stuck blaming them.
Thank you for giving me permission to feel & sit with my pain, while showing myself self compassion.
If I could let go of judgment and chronic blame I would be a more compassionate and forgiving person. Thanks so much Tara. These exercises will be very helpful in my therapy work and my own life. I have been looking for something new for helping clients more effectively with self compassion and here it is 🙂
Thanks for sharing this information.
I was inspired by Steven’s story.
I was inspired by the information and keen to follow the guidance.
I have recently completed the mindfulness 6 wk program with you and Jack this summer. I have also completed one of your brief courses on Radical acceptance and listen to your meditation podcasts regularly this past 2 years. I am always pleasantly surprised how even these brief guided reflections, that are clearly and concisely shared bring continued awareness.
Thank you for this most inspiring podcasts. Even if the experiential exercises were short, they were very effective. I have referred this to many friends and clients and I wish it would be available for longer. Thank you so much
Sometimes it feels very hard to believe that one has ‘permission’ to be free from all the pain of judgement and chronic blame, it’s like, I get so far with it then BOOM! something comes along that knocks me right back again!
What would I be? I’d be the best ME. As I tried this practice of u-turning, I found it difficult to see the other person as suffering or hurt, their foot caught in a trap. Tara said it will take time. Yes, it will. Feeling worthy is my goal. I’ve been sabotaging myself through the years with low self -esteem, and being very critical of myself. I’m tired of it. I deserve better.
Tara, thanks so much. Your presence and 3-part series could not have come at a better time. I especially resonated with the double arrow metaphor and experienced a much needed softening, thank you.
It would open me up to being more fully present.
I think if I could feel compassion and let go of the self judgement, I would feel an inner peace. I also think that I would feel empowered because I would no longer be allowing the hurt, sadness and anger to have so much control over me.
I would be much freer, lighter, clearer! Thank you so much for these videos – such a clear, simple practice.
What do I feel after watching these videos? It’s hard to say, since I’ve spent most of my life resisting what’s in my heart. What I am learning now, is to trust my pain. Not to be afraid of it. Not to keep pushing it back down. That I don’t have to cure it on site. All I have to do is let it come up, however much is here for the moment, and open to it. Say a few soothing words to myself. That’s all that’s required. So much less effort too. This is something I will need to keep practicing.
when I did this I felt a shift from knowing that it is helpful to uturn, to a useful practice
There would be no stopping me – I’d soar!
Thank you so much for your honesty and your tips. This has been very helpful for me at a time when I really needed it most! I look forward to the new series that you’re working on.
Many thanks…
Tara, thank you very much for sharing all your wisdom. I have shifted out of self blame and blaming others many times thanks to your tools.
I always appreciate Tara’s easy to follow / non fuss approach. Particularly found the ‘U turn’ concept helpful. JG
I had a traumatic accident 15 years ago with broken bones and 10 surgeries with all the pain and suffering that goes with it. I have made tremendous progress in the past 3 years joining a TBI group and consistent Therapy. I am in a new phase of intense anger about anything and anybody. I do ok for a time then I feel myself loosing control. Society knows very little if anything about TBI. I even saw and ER Dr. that was so ignorant he misdiagnosed me and sent me on his marry way. I need help.