I felt the tears coming and a lightening of the pressure in my head, neck and shoulders. It seems I have wanted control of situations and my life all my life in order to feel safe. The U turn idea gives me a helpful tool to remind me to get out of my head and be with the hurt little girl inside. Please God this will keep me from some of the irrational criticism I have sent my partner’s way recently.
Barbara B Niebruegge, Other, Saint Louis is , MO, USAsays
Always compassionate and wise, Tara presents strong and useful suggestions and practices. I could and do listen to her for hours. I would like to be able to contribute monetarily, but I do spread the word about her wonderful demeanor and presentations, and continually radiate vibrations of peace, love and appreciation toward her and all who make her messages possible. Thank you and Namaste!
It was hard for me to connect to this video, as I currently don’t have any hatred or resentment towards anyone in my life… I know that is probably fortunate in comparison to most, but the judgement and chronic blame is always directed at my self. I tried to use the u turn on on myself as if I was the observer, and it did help some. I need to let go of everything I wish I would’ve accomplished and accept what I have done and remember that I can start over at any moment, and that it’s never too late to be and feel successful in life.
I woke up feeling burdened and disagreeable, after waking in the night to feeling disappointed for how I’ve spent my life. Was glad this site was still up. In the Uturn, I identified my blame towards my Dad and turn towards what I am feeling. When I put my hand on my heart, and told myself “it’s ok to feel this”, my heart did soften and I’m still crying writing this. Thanks for showing up in my world and sharing your understanding.
Thank you Tara, i’ve Been holding onto blame towards my brother for a way that he hurts me. It feels really good to practice using those thoughts as a reminder to notice and acknowledge my hurt and anger and his wounded ness rather than blame myself for feeling angry.
Tara, your compassionate understanding about simply being human and healing through self-care has rescued me time and time again from difficult situations and critical self-judgment. Thank you many times over …both now and in the future!
I have a habit of always looking for things to criticize myself about. I definitely resonated with the sentiment that it feels like “if I don’t criticize myself, I’ll never learn, I’ll never grow.” It takes courage to let go of that mentality and get out of the head and into the heart.
Claude (mrs) Leroy, Another Field, Bethesda, MD, USAsays
Dear Tara,
I had listen to your guided meditation on the same subject let go of blame and resentment, on timer. This is a very difficult practice for me given the layers of blame and resentment that have accumulated over the years in my family of origin. I have been left with role of caring and helping my mother, my father and my 3 brothers ( I am the only daughter). The family went through trauma after traumas. One of my brothers killed himself when he was 11 and I was 12), my two other brothers turned bi-polar when transitioning to adult life; the brother of my mother whom I was very close, killed himself, the year my second brother was first hospitalized for a manic episode; my father died in 3 months from a leukemia, my mother collapsed; she had a stroke one month after my father’s death which left her with a wernike aphasia; then because of this or on top of it she had an a anxio-depression psychosis which required a one-year hospitalization in a geriato-psychiatric hospital; despite taking all kind of medication she never recovered and leaved 13 years in complete distress, telling everyday that she was lost. Nothing and. Body could confort her. I spend the last month of her life 24/24 hours with her and alone; not only my brothers did not come to see her; one did not even called her… life has been tough but the last 13 years have been very hard. Although I did everything to help my brother and help my parents taking care of them, they are just hating me. This is very painful to to bear their relentless blame and it was very difficult to overcome their constant obstruction to take appropriate care of my mother. As my mother was alive, I did all I could to protect her from this obstruction and tried not to show any of my pain. But now that my mom has passed away I would ver much like to let all this pain, resentment and blame (feeling I have failed as I failed to protect my first brother) GO. I would like to free myself from all this past for good, stop debuting the reality; accept it and leave in peace with the family I created. I am scared by all the pain I have repressed to come out so strongly that I would loose myself. I realize my comment goes much beyond the proposed practice but it helps me to write. Have read your book on radical acceptance. I am reading mindful grieving and practicing mindfulness meditation as much as I can alone, with guided meditation, with the CML and going to a retreat with Shell Fischer who I appreciate very much. Have not been able to attend your live sessions because I am overwhelmed by the number of participants. Any advice/ recommendation is welcomed.
Namaste
Hi Tara,
If I let go of judgement and chronic blame I think I would be a more loving person and feel more connected to others. In my family, judgement and blame have been major themes and it has been a painful experience to be a part of this family. There has been healing at times, but that is always followed by more upheaval. I don’t really know that it will end but I will endeavor to do my own work.
Thank you for all that you do.
Catherine
A powerful series of practices. Thanks for the guidance back to myself and the some of the experiences that caused my splitting. An empowering practice that has brought me in touch with the blame, hurt and compassion for myself and others.
Thank you Tara. For the last 2 years of following your meditations and reading your books my inner world has changed to a more gentle place. This 3 part series very succinctly pulls together the journey I’ve been on and one I’ve been leading my husband through. Your upcoming series with nicabm holds the promise of reaching and clearing many heartspaces. Blessings.
Pamela Brown, Another Field, Kirtland, OH, USAsays
If I could let go of judging and blaming myself, I would have compassion for myself, like a friend would have. It would allow me to stop judging and blaming others for my pain, which would free up much of my energy. Energy that I could use to begin healing and growth where I need it.
Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge and experience. This has been a fantastic series and I hope to be able to share with my clients as well as continue to practice for myself.
With breathing in the beginning I can focus, when asking myself what I think and feel about someone who has hurt me, my awareness started with one face, then it was multiple. In this awareness, the issues were the same, multiple faces, similar issues. I focused on the ocean waves to keep me from closing my heart. I noted when I focused on the compassion toward each of these faces, these people who had hurt me, suddenly I shifted to all of the possibilities of their lives and what may have hurt them, and I felt compassion for each of them, and calmness and a freedom I felt in my heart space.
Thank you dear Tara. I am suffering with an estrangement/shun. Your wise guidance has helped my sore heart soften. And allows my sorrowful experience a welcome expansiveness.
It presented a possible way into helping clients shift from rage, hurt and dismissal of a parent who, we hope did love them, and who they really want to love back but are afraid to forgive because of long held fear and disgust.
Nicholas Holland-Smith, Occupational Therapy, GBsays
Hi, I have unknowingly since moving to live in Poland in July been reconnecting myself via the nature and environment that we have around us notably the sea and soft beaches, whenever, possible I have been going to the beach after dropping the kids off and I have experienced distinct positive emotions.
I fully understand your videos and the third one about the ocean and the waves, that connects with me I just wish it would connect for my wife.
I am following your suggestions in the hope of helping my find her way out of the deep well of despair she has got into.
Your first and second video completely and accurately describes the state she is in and I was concerned about your caution on retraumatising.
She has had a number of significant poor experiences since we have been married in 14 years and most likely before we met.
I introduced her to hypnotherapy earlier this year, she went along but did not engage fully and was described as “frozen”.
I have tried your approach with moving from head to the heart, because I have recently read “resilience from the heart” by Greg Braden to be also helpful.
She appears to be listening to me when I try the compassionate approach but I know later on she will return to the whirlwind of negative thoughts in her head and start attacking me again later on which is very frustrating.
We moved to Poland as this is her country and village in the hope that she will be able to refind herself, I am happy here and I have stated this.
What will it take for her to come out of this deep well that I describe??
Thanks for your interesting approach. It hard to stay open for the person that makes me the victim. I have to get away from al the questions that I have why was the teacher, using every year a child, and ruins more he 40 children’s life. Every year over and over again. Why nobody of the staf did something to abuse this. I was a child of the age of 8 years. I wasn’t able to communicate. I didn’t know what to do. Oke he was having a drinking problem, probably because he was treated the same why like he was treating every year a child in his class. I feel shame for him but I blame him that he ruins lives for live. I am opening my hart ? and I ad zelf compassion to my hart space over and over again. I hope that my ? will heal. I wish the teacher had done the same.
I can now understand how my past partner did not know how to relate and had difficulty and insecurities of his own. (leg iron) Although it sits tightly in my chest, I know that I will find relief and peace if I learn to let go of the blame.
A lovely practice – I hope I can remember to do it. I had already recognized how I felt in the situation – anger and hurt. But this time I also recognized how vulnerable the other people are in that situation. They are confused and don’t want to go from one not great situation to something potentially worse. I also saw a memory from the past of my mother and her feelings of inadequacy.
I woke up with an arrhythmia this morning. I think it stems from the chronic stress I have in my life. This is, as I see it, my response to the world based on my world view. I grew up being the scapegoat for a narcissist mother and an alcoholic father. As I child I was singled out for all that was wrong with my family.
I’ve long ago made peace with my partents, however even today when I call home, I am faced with a tirade from my mother of abusive words. I want to learn how to change things to be able to overcome the viscious cycle of unhappiness and move into peace.
Thank you Tara for giving access to your videos. My challege is around family breakdown and re building trust. How much does one give (vulnerability) and fear of the future.
I felt the tears coming and a lightening of the pressure in my head, neck and shoulders. It seems I have wanted control of situations and my life all my life in order to feel safe. The U turn idea gives me a helpful tool to remind me to get out of my head and be with the hurt little girl inside. Please God this will keep me from some of the irrational criticism I have sent my partner’s way recently.
I would be more content, less unhappy – and maybe even stronger relationships.
Always compassionate and wise, Tara presents strong and useful suggestions and practices. I could and do listen to her for hours. I would like to be able to contribute monetarily, but I do spread the word about her wonderful demeanor and presentations, and continually radiate vibrations of peace, love and appreciation toward her and all who make her messages possible. Thank you and Namaste!
Hard to believe I’m trapped in the same self-defeating patterns after 72 years of trying to change. Very, very helpful and hopeful. Many thanks.
It was hard for me to connect to this video, as I currently don’t have any hatred or resentment towards anyone in my life… I know that is probably fortunate in comparison to most, but the judgement and chronic blame is always directed at my self. I tried to use the u turn on on myself as if I was the observer, and it did help some. I need to let go of everything I wish I would’ve accomplished and accept what I have done and remember that I can start over at any moment, and that it’s never too late to be and feel successful in life.
I have only recently discovered your talks and am glad that I have. I look forward to hearing more of your wisdom. Peace, love.
I woke up feeling burdened and disagreeable, after waking in the night to feeling disappointed for how I’ve spent my life. Was glad this site was still up. In the Uturn, I identified my blame towards my Dad and turn towards what I am feeling. When I put my hand on my heart, and told myself “it’s ok to feel this”, my heart did soften and I’m still crying writing this. Thanks for showing up in my world and sharing your understanding.
Thank you Tara, i’ve Been holding onto blame towards my brother for a way that he hurts me. It feels really good to practice using those thoughts as a reminder to notice and acknowledge my hurt and anger and his wounded ness rather than blame myself for feeling angry.
Through the U Turn process I felt my heart soften, felt more peace and compassion for myself and the other person.
Tara, your compassionate understanding about simply being human and healing through self-care has rescued me time and time again from difficult situations and critical self-judgment. Thank you many times over …both now and in the future!
Thank you for sharing!
JLS
Compassionate in North Carolina
I have a habit of always looking for things to criticize myself about. I definitely resonated with the sentiment that it feels like “if I don’t criticize myself, I’ll never learn, I’ll never grow.” It takes courage to let go of that mentality and get out of the head and into the heart.
If I let go of judgement or blame, then I could feel the pain, and hurt. With that hopefully I could move on to acceptance and forgiveness .
Dear Tara,
I had listen to your guided meditation on the same subject let go of blame and resentment, on timer. This is a very difficult practice for me given the layers of blame and resentment that have accumulated over the years in my family of origin. I have been left with role of caring and helping my mother, my father and my 3 brothers ( I am the only daughter). The family went through trauma after traumas. One of my brothers killed himself when he was 11 and I was 12), my two other brothers turned bi-polar when transitioning to adult life; the brother of my mother whom I was very close, killed himself, the year my second brother was first hospitalized for a manic episode; my father died in 3 months from a leukemia, my mother collapsed; she had a stroke one month after my father’s death which left her with a wernike aphasia; then because of this or on top of it she had an a anxio-depression psychosis which required a one-year hospitalization in a geriato-psychiatric hospital; despite taking all kind of medication she never recovered and leaved 13 years in complete distress, telling everyday that she was lost. Nothing and. Body could confort her. I spend the last month of her life 24/24 hours with her and alone; not only my brothers did not come to see her; one did not even called her… life has been tough but the last 13 years have been very hard. Although I did everything to help my brother and help my parents taking care of them, they are just hating me. This is very painful to to bear their relentless blame and it was very difficult to overcome their constant obstruction to take appropriate care of my mother. As my mother was alive, I did all I could to protect her from this obstruction and tried not to show any of my pain. But now that my mom has passed away I would ver much like to let all this pain, resentment and blame (feeling I have failed as I failed to protect my first brother) GO. I would like to free myself from all this past for good, stop debuting the reality; accept it and leave in peace with the family I created. I am scared by all the pain I have repressed to come out so strongly that I would loose myself. I realize my comment goes much beyond the proposed practice but it helps me to write. Have read your book on radical acceptance. I am reading mindful grieving and practicing mindfulness meditation as much as I can alone, with guided meditation, with the CML and going to a retreat with Shell Fischer who I appreciate very much. Have not been able to attend your live sessions because I am overwhelmed by the number of participants. Any advice/ recommendation is welcomed.
Namaste
Hi Tara,
If I let go of judgement and chronic blame I think I would be a more loving person and feel more connected to others. In my family, judgement and blame have been major themes and it has been a painful experience to be a part of this family. There has been healing at times, but that is always followed by more upheaval. I don’t really know that it will end but I will endeavor to do my own work.
Thank you for all that you do.
Catherine
Thank you for this insight.
A powerful series of practices. Thanks for the guidance back to myself and the some of the experiences that caused my splitting. An empowering practice that has brought me in touch with the blame, hurt and compassion for myself and others.
Moved to tears. Simply beautiful.
Thank you Tara. Your presence in the world is such a gift to me and to many others as I pass on your message. Much love,
Terry Ray
Thank you Tara. For the last 2 years of following your meditations and reading your books my inner world has changed to a more gentle place. This 3 part series very succinctly pulls together the journey I’ve been on and one I’ve been leading my husband through. Your upcoming series with nicabm holds the promise of reaching and clearing many heartspaces. Blessings.
If I could let go of judging and blaming myself, I would have compassion for myself, like a friend would have. It would allow me to stop judging and blaming others for my pain, which would free up much of my energy. Energy that I could use to begin healing and growth where I need it.
Very helpful, as always! Slowing down, breathing, and placing my hand on my heart gives me an embodied sense of self compassion…?
Felt a warmth towards myself
Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge and experience. This has been a fantastic series and I hope to be able to share with my clients as well as continue to practice for myself.
With breathing in the beginning I can focus, when asking myself what I think and feel about someone who has hurt me, my awareness started with one face, then it was multiple. In this awareness, the issues were the same, multiple faces, similar issues. I focused on the ocean waves to keep me from closing my heart. I noted when I focused on the compassion toward each of these faces, these people who had hurt me, suddenly I shifted to all of the possibilities of their lives and what may have hurt them, and I felt compassion for each of them, and calmness and a freedom I felt in my heart space.
This has helped me and I hope to share with others.
Thank you Tara. I love this series; thought provoking, very useful. And, the visuals are great.
Thank you so much Tara. That was very powerful. It opened up a lot of pain for me, and greater compassion, ease and self-understanding. Emma B
My evolving best version of me as I continue to meet with love and kindness not only my own vulnerability, but that of others. ?
A peaceful thoughtful person that people want to be with
This was very emotional, but in a good way. These techniques have opened a new door to healing for me. Thank you so much Tara!
Thankyou for sharing Part 1,2, and 3 xoxo
Thank you dear Tara. I am suffering with an estrangement/shun. Your wise guidance has helped my sore heart soften. And allows my sorrowful experience a welcome expansiveness.
Probably alone or very much removed from what anyone close to me did. Not invested I guess. Distant and with no expectations or hopes.
This was a valuable practice and I’m so glad I took the time.
It presented a possible way into helping clients shift from rage, hurt and dismissal of a parent who, we hope did love them, and who they really want to love back but are afraid to forgive because of long held fear and disgust.
Hi, I have unknowingly since moving to live in Poland in July been reconnecting myself via the nature and environment that we have around us notably the sea and soft beaches, whenever, possible I have been going to the beach after dropping the kids off and I have experienced distinct positive emotions.
I fully understand your videos and the third one about the ocean and the waves, that connects with me I just wish it would connect for my wife.
I am following your suggestions in the hope of helping my find her way out of the deep well of despair she has got into.
Your first and second video completely and accurately describes the state she is in and I was concerned about your caution on retraumatising.
She has had a number of significant poor experiences since we have been married in 14 years and most likely before we met.
I introduced her to hypnotherapy earlier this year, she went along but did not engage fully and was described as “frozen”.
I have tried your approach with moving from head to the heart, because I have recently read “resilience from the heart” by Greg Braden to be also helpful.
She appears to be listening to me when I try the compassionate approach but I know later on she will return to the whirlwind of negative thoughts in her head and start attacking me again later on which is very frustrating.
We moved to Poland as this is her country and village in the hope that she will be able to refind herself, I am happy here and I have stated this.
What will it take for her to come out of this deep well that I describe??
B-e-a-utiful, thanks a lot. I promise myself to remember this, just because I deserve it 🙂 right?
I would be the person that I know is buried deep down and that I would like to meet some day.
Thanks for your interesting approach. It hard to stay open for the person that makes me the victim. I have to get away from al the questions that I have why was the teacher, using every year a child, and ruins more he 40 children’s life. Every year over and over again. Why nobody of the staf did something to abuse this. I was a child of the age of 8 years. I wasn’t able to communicate. I didn’t know what to do. Oke he was having a drinking problem, probably because he was treated the same why like he was treating every year a child in his class. I feel shame for him but I blame him that he ruins lives for live. I am opening my hart ? and I ad zelf compassion to my hart space over and over again. I hope that my ? will heal. I wish the teacher had done the same.
I would be happier, healthier and less tired for sure. Really enjoyed these videos. Amazingly powerful in such a short time. Thankyou ?
I can now understand how my past partner did not know how to relate and had difficulty and insecurities of his own. (leg iron) Although it sits tightly in my chest, I know that I will find relief and peace if I learn to let go of the blame.
I would like to learn more from you.
I judge myself constantly. The exercise of self love and compassion felt sooo good.
Very deep practice to do the jturn and feel what is under the blame. Thank you
A lovely practice – I hope I can remember to do it. I had already recognized how I felt in the situation – anger and hurt. But this time I also recognized how vulnerable the other people are in that situation. They are confused and don’t want to go from one not great situation to something potentially worse. I also saw a memory from the past of my mother and her feelings of inadequacy.
I woke up with an arrhythmia this morning. I think it stems from the chronic stress I have in my life. This is, as I see it, my response to the world based on my world view. I grew up being the scapegoat for a narcissist mother and an alcoholic father. As I child I was singled out for all that was wrong with my family.
I’ve long ago made peace with my partents, however even today when I call home, I am faced with a tirade from my mother of abusive words. I want to learn how to change things to be able to overcome the viscious cycle of unhappiness and move into peace.
It opened my eyes. It gave me permission to gerl and a way out.
Thank you Tara for giving access to your videos. My challege is around family breakdown and re building trust. How much does one give (vulnerability) and fear of the future.
I’d be free to have loving relationship with myself and those closest to me