I would be kinder, softer , more compassionate & loving.The mindfulness needed to practise the uturn process will open me up more to myself and others.
Thank you for this, I love the imagery of your ‘enemy’ having their leg in a trap, it certainly helps one to move to compassion for them. The U-Turn showed me, yet again, that I am still a scared, little 5 year old who never felt good enough. Oh my!
Tara, I love the sound of your voice, it calms me. I am doing your 40 day Mindfulness Training programme with Jack Kornfield and love listening to the two of you.
Incredible powerful exercises – thank you so much, Tara. I really felt a shift in the way I felt about my situation. I’d be interested in signing up for your programme. Thanks again!
My husband andI separated at the beginning of this year and while I thought it was for me to get better, as I had a mental breakdown and was always aggressively blaming him, I thought we would get back together, but he is living in shame, guilt and unworthiness and will have nothing to do with anything I can provide him to help his situation. This is breaking my heart as I know what you have discussed in these three amazing videos are exactly what we both needed. I have tried the u turn and tired compassion but to no avail, he wont have a bar to do with it and remains seething in anger over the event and “you did this to me and you hurt me” rather than looking deeper at the WHY. I am deeply saddened as I thought we were forever. I can’t even send him this link as he will refute it, which is sad, because i believe if he let it go and allowed his vulnerability to come to the surface he could deal with the childhood trauma that has made him feel unworthy and forgive himself. I now have to heal my broken heart and move forward and this has helped me with my feelings of unworthiness. Thank you
This is helpful for my understanding of my ex narcissistic emotional and verbal abuser.
I do, however, believe in the ‘no contact of any kind’ approach.
Sometimes, others are so locked into their abusive behaviours that they will never change and this 70 year old narcissist is one of those people.
By looking Inwards, I am also feeling how I can change within myself so that I no longer attract, or am attracted to, people like this.
I used to do this instinctually, look at other people’s pain to understand why they are how they are. Somewhere over the years, I have lost touch with it.
This was difficult in my stepmother always accused me of doing things I never did, and would punish me all weekend long. She was always nice to y older sister so I could not find where she may have been accused of doing the things she accused me of doing. Example : she would accuse me of taking her stuff from her room candy , jewelry etc. then would never apologize when she realized she was wrong or that my sister had taken it. Sorry can’t find the forgiveness for her deep down or myself for how I feel about this it has been with me far to long over65 years. Wish I could let it go and forgive the abuse I went through. I do not dwell on it. I can not change the past only live for right now. Thank you enjoyed the knowledge you shared.
I was introduced to your work by a Clinical Psychologist : Sue Cooper in South Africa many years ago. I went on a few of her retreats and found much direction in going forward with healing through meditation. Sue has been kind enough to include me in her daily meditation practice via a link.
I have followed your work online recently and find your way of practice very comforting.
Thank you!! While doing this UTurn meditation, I found myself mentally “stroking” my heart and releasing the hurt and blame I feel in a particular instance.
I so enjoy these short and precise practices… as you say little steps to healing. As it is easier to accept the hurt in small “pockets” and let it go.
I have strived for years to heal and be the authentic person within and to be able to respond and not react to perceived rejections and hurts. Doing the u-turn is a wonderful way of understanding compassion as it begins with oneself.
I look forward to continuing this journey with you.
I really liked the metaphor of the dog with her leg in a trap. Who I would be without judgement and chronic blame is a whole lot more generous and relaxed.
Susan Gorman, Exercise Physiology, Washington, IL, USAsays
This video helped me to make a u-turn out of self judgment and self blame and to let go of
my story and look at the vulnerability and wounded-ness of someone who had hurt me deeply. This helped me to forgive her at a deeper level and to see her good qualities that have helped me to grow into my true self. I pray for her every day for her happiness and freedom and joy.
Wow … loved this. Also, great that it did not feel condescending … sometimes ‘experts’ can feel a bit off-putting. I did not feel that – would love a copy of the practice of the U-Turn please and thank you.
When I thought of someone close to me, who at times becomes rather short, irritated, impatient at something I’ve said or done and therefore I feel hurt and upset, I stopped to give pause for thought and to realize this person is not physically well often times due to a chronic illness. I told myself it is alright to feel as it cause me to feel but she also is coming from a place of her own pain and discomfort. When I let go of judgment and blame of myself and others, it opens up my heart and gives me a sense of space and feeling free. It allows me to interact with others without being closed off or believing that I will continue to be hurt or that I am to blame for my inability to be close and to know that yes, others matter but I also matter as well. It would allow me to be more accepting of myself and others.
Letting go of self judgement does a bunch of things – it shifts me from ‘mia culpa’, to ‘what do I need to do here to allow things to move and expand’ and then I begin with just allowing breath to expand and soften my body …… and then I start to ‘test’ my insights/ solutions / suggestions and the ones that constrict my body get tossed, and the ones that keep me relatively open and present, get taken to the ‘next level’ …… So, it takes me from a ‘split thinking of good and bad’ to the space where we should be operating as adults, one of holding ambivalence …. taking responsibility (VS blame!) for ‘mistakes/ not that great’ and encouragement and receiving of love (not fueling the ego) from ‘good stuff’. Thnx for these succinct and beautiful practises.
Lucille Bar-david, Social Work, Highland park , NJ, USAsays
Thank you for bringing much needed peace to my heart and soul. My blaming is about protecting my autistic and epileptic adult son, living in a group home. A new housemate has already kicked a hole not into a wall, but clear through it. He has taken clothes from my son’s dresser and replaced them with clothes wet with the housemate’s urine. I don’t blame my son or this housemate, but I have struggled with the state and myself about protecting both of them. Advocacy hurts.
Loving kindness opens doors and hearts.
Thank you dear teacher for lifting my weary bones.
Sydney Shepperd, Another Field, Monterey, CA, USAsays
Thank you for a lovely reminder. People do better when they feel better not the other way around. Stefan’s story is why I taught parenting classes for 32 years.
Deb Langhans, Counseling, Friday Harbor, WA, USAsays
In my work with grief recovery, I’ve found that forgiveness is often the most challenging piece of unfinished business for those processing loss. I’ve also found some of the Buddhist teaching you’ve so generously shared to be especially effective in helping grievers unlock the softer, more compassionate heart within themselves. Thanx so much, Tara. Please keep up your important, life-enhancing work! My love & best thoughts, Deb~
Have often lived in my head. These practices are easy steps to become mindful and to move into heart-centeredness with self compassion as the focus. Love it!
i See myself more whole, able to care for others and to show live to myself as I couldn’t before. Many thanks for the activity. Can’t feel more blessed.
Well, that opened the floodgates!
I have lost touch with mindfulness practice, and with my heart space. I had been heaping blame upon myself for that, as well as dozens of other ‘failings’. I have been utterly overwhelmed and miserable.
Your videos reminded me of a similar time in my twenties where I was completely lost, and first began meditating. As I settled down to try and calm my agitation, a beautiful, caring energy descended upon me, bringing kindness, compassion and love to my confusion. I sat with it, in wonder and joy, and was blessed with a truly healing experience.
The most beautiful part was the realisation that this loving, forgiving energy was myself. I was giving myself love.
I have never forgotten the sense this experience gave me, no matter how far I’ve blundered from my heart space. Thank you for reminding me to come home x
Thank you for this. My focus of late has been these things. Kindness is key and you have to start with yourself. Taking the time to work on not reacting and seeing that people who wound are wounded allows for such freedom.
I felt such a release it was amazing. It allowed me to understand perspectives of others. It helped understand my own feelings at a much deeper level. It relieved my anxiety and pain. I felt such deep love for the other person and understanding. It gave me a strong sense of calm.
Perhaps I could let go of the belief that I and others and situations should be perfect. I might then be able to let the shell crack and allow myself to hatch and come through the fear of entering life.
I would be kinder, softer , more compassionate & loving.The mindfulness needed to practise the uturn process will open me up more to myself and others.
Thank you for this, I love the imagery of your ‘enemy’ having their leg in a trap, it certainly helps one to move to compassion for them. The U-Turn showed me, yet again, that I am still a scared, little 5 year old who never felt good enough. Oh my!
Tara, I love the sound of your voice, it calms me. I am doing your 40 day Mindfulness Training programme with Jack Kornfield and love listening to the two of you.
Incredible powerful exercises – thank you so much, Tara. I really felt a shift in the way I felt about my situation. I’d be interested in signing up for your programme. Thanks again!
The trap is an excellent visual to use — it’s an instant reminder to help aid in thoughts of compassion
A very nurturing talk. I think we will all be happier and more peaceful if we could let go of judgement and blame.
Thanks Tara for insightful advice
My husband andI separated at the beginning of this year and while I thought it was for me to get better, as I had a mental breakdown and was always aggressively blaming him, I thought we would get back together, but he is living in shame, guilt and unworthiness and will have nothing to do with anything I can provide him to help his situation. This is breaking my heart as I know what you have discussed in these three amazing videos are exactly what we both needed. I have tried the u turn and tired compassion but to no avail, he wont have a bar to do with it and remains seething in anger over the event and “you did this to me and you hurt me” rather than looking deeper at the WHY. I am deeply saddened as I thought we were forever. I can’t even send him this link as he will refute it, which is sad, because i believe if he let it go and allowed his vulnerability to come to the surface he could deal with the childhood trauma that has made him feel unworthy and forgive himself. I now have to heal my broken heart and move forward and this has helped me with my feelings of unworthiness. Thank you
This is helpful for my understanding of my ex narcissistic emotional and verbal abuser.
I do, however, believe in the ‘no contact of any kind’ approach.
Sometimes, others are so locked into their abusive behaviours that they will never change and this 70 year old narcissist is one of those people.
By looking Inwards, I am also feeling how I can change within myself so that I no longer attract, or am attracted to, people like this.
Great clips and very useful.
If i let go of judgement and blame I could be the partner and mother I know I have the knowledge to be
Felt too many thoughts and lors of pain.
I used to do this instinctually, look at other people’s pain to understand why they are how they are. Somewhere over the years, I have lost touch with it.
This was difficult in my stepmother always accused me of doing things I never did, and would punish me all weekend long. She was always nice to y older sister so I could not find where she may have been accused of doing the things she accused me of doing. Example : she would accuse me of taking her stuff from her room candy , jewelry etc. then would never apologize when she realized she was wrong or that my sister had taken it. Sorry can’t find the forgiveness for her deep down or myself for how I feel about this it has been with me far to long over65 years. Wish I could let it go and forgive the abuse I went through. I do not dwell on it. I can not change the past only live for right now. Thank you enjoyed the knowledge you shared.
Enlightening about blame of others and self-blame
Freedom and happiness is at all of our grasps.
Maricarmen
I kept running from one story if hurt to another. It was hard to not over think it. However w
hand on heart I always weep.
I was introduced to your work by a Clinical Psychologist : Sue Cooper in South Africa many years ago. I went on a few of her retreats and found much direction in going forward with healing through meditation. Sue has been kind enough to include me in her daily meditation practice via a link.
I have followed your work online recently and find your way of practice very comforting.
Thank you!! While doing this UTurn meditation, I found myself mentally “stroking” my heart and releasing the hurt and blame I feel in a particular instance.
I so enjoy these short and precise practices… as you say little steps to healing. As it is easier to accept the hurt in small “pockets” and let it go.
I have strived for years to heal and be the authentic person within and to be able to respond and not react to perceived rejections and hurts. Doing the u-turn is a wonderful way of understanding compassion as it begins with oneself.
I look forward to continuing this journey with you.
I’d be more authentic with an open mind and open heart that leads to greater self-acceptance.
Thank you for sharing your teachings with the world!
I really liked the metaphor of the dog with her leg in a trap. Who I would be without judgement and chronic blame is a whole lot more generous and relaxed.
This video helped me to make a u-turn out of self judgment and self blame and to let go of
my story and look at the vulnerability and wounded-ness of someone who had hurt me deeply. This helped me to forgive her at a deeper level and to see her good qualities that have helped me to grow into my true self. I pray for her every day for her happiness and freedom and joy.
Wow … loved this. Also, great that it did not feel condescending … sometimes ‘experts’ can feel a bit off-putting. I did not feel that – would love a copy of the practice of the U-Turn please and thank you.
When I thought of someone close to me, who at times becomes rather short, irritated, impatient at something I’ve said or done and therefore I feel hurt and upset, I stopped to give pause for thought and to realize this person is not physically well often times due to a chronic illness. I told myself it is alright to feel as it cause me to feel but she also is coming from a place of her own pain and discomfort. When I let go of judgment and blame of myself and others, it opens up my heart and gives me a sense of space and feeling free. It allows me to interact with others without being closed off or believing that I will continue to be hurt or that I am to blame for my inability to be close and to know that yes, others matter but I also matter as well. It would allow me to be more accepting of myself and others.
Letting go of self judgement does a bunch of things – it shifts me from ‘mia culpa’, to ‘what do I need to do here to allow things to move and expand’ and then I begin with just allowing breath to expand and soften my body …… and then I start to ‘test’ my insights/ solutions / suggestions and the ones that constrict my body get tossed, and the ones that keep me relatively open and present, get taken to the ‘next level’ …… So, it takes me from a ‘split thinking of good and bad’ to the space where we should be operating as adults, one of holding ambivalence …. taking responsibility (VS blame!) for ‘mistakes/ not that great’ and encouragement and receiving of love (not fueling the ego) from ‘good stuff’. Thnx for these succinct and beautiful practises.
I’d be a person with more energy, feeling lighter with increased willingness to engage with others.
Thank you for bringing much needed peace to my heart and soul. My blaming is about protecting my autistic and epileptic adult son, living in a group home. A new housemate has already kicked a hole not into a wall, but clear through it. He has taken clothes from my son’s dresser and replaced them with clothes wet with the housemate’s urine. I don’t blame my son or this housemate, but I have struggled with the state and myself about protecting both of them. Advocacy hurts.
Loving kindness opens doors and hearts.
Thank you dear teacher for lifting my weary bones.
I would be filled with peace and comfort, confidence and a calm acceptance of myself
I would be liberated and light and compassionately brave towards myself.
I felt more free, unburdened, tender and understanding through these simple exercises. Thank you
I would be more self confident and happy in my work and life
Thank you. Difficult still to feel compassion for other. Perhaps too soon. Or more to unpack.
Beautiful. This was exactly what I needed on a day like today.
Thank you.
I’d be happier and less worried about certain situations.
Many thanks!
I would be free and happy!
Thank you, Tara.
I would be more amazing!
Thank you for a lovely reminder. People do better when they feel better not the other way around. Stefan’s story is why I taught parenting classes for 32 years.
Someone who might be easier to live with, who might be able to heal.
I would be free
I would be free to be me
I would be free to be me and do anything
I would be a person at peace which would allow me to be more open
It’s amazing to be able to practice self compassion. Thank you.
If I were to let go of self judgment and blame I would be free!
In my work with grief recovery, I’ve found that forgiveness is often the most challenging piece of unfinished business for those processing loss. I’ve also found some of the Buddhist teaching you’ve so generously shared to be especially effective in helping grievers unlock the softer, more compassionate heart within themselves. Thanx so much, Tara. Please keep up your important, life-enhancing work! My love & best thoughts, Deb~
Have often lived in my head. These practices are easy steps to become mindful and to move into heart-centeredness with self compassion as the focus. Love it!
Thanks for these. They came at just the right time and reminded me of my power to choose.
i See myself more whole, able to care for others and to show live to myself as I couldn’t before. Many thanks for the activity. Can’t feel more blessed.
Well, that opened the floodgates!
I have lost touch with mindfulness practice, and with my heart space. I had been heaping blame upon myself for that, as well as dozens of other ‘failings’. I have been utterly overwhelmed and miserable.
Your videos reminded me of a similar time in my twenties where I was completely lost, and first began meditating. As I settled down to try and calm my agitation, a beautiful, caring energy descended upon me, bringing kindness, compassion and love to my confusion. I sat with it, in wonder and joy, and was blessed with a truly healing experience.
The most beautiful part was the realisation that this loving, forgiving energy was myself. I was giving myself love.
I have never forgotten the sense this experience gave me, no matter how far I’ve blundered from my heart space. Thank you for reminding me to come home x
Thank you for this. My focus of late has been these things. Kindness is key and you have to start with yourself. Taking the time to work on not reacting and seeing that people who wound are wounded allows for such freedom.
I felt such a release it was amazing. It allowed me to understand perspectives of others. It helped understand my own feelings at a much deeper level. It relieved my anxiety and pain. I felt such deep love for the other person and understanding. It gave me a strong sense of calm.
Thankyou so much
My heart lifted
Perhaps I could let go of the belief that I and others and situations should be perfect. I might then be able to let the shell crack and allow myself to hatch and come through the fear of entering life.