There’s something so powerful about being with these negative emotions and holding them with care, with kindness, without judgement. Without that “what is wrong with me?” messaging so many of us grew up with. Opening to love and compassion for myself. I think so many of us were told that was selfish. And I love in your teaching Tara that our compassion for ourselves – going inward -actually enables us to be more compassionate and caring for others. Learning. Gently. Slowly. Awakening. Finding grace. Self acceptance. And also opening to a love that is so much bigger than my negative emotions and feelings of unworthiness. Receiving that love. Such a gift. Not an easy one. But a powerful healing balm. Thank you!
I felt an overwhelming since of sadness. I am 70 years old and have never lived true to myself. Feeling like a failure in most areas of my life, mother, wife and friend.
These teaching feel like a life line to healing.
I will turn 70 real soon and feel the regrets and sadness. I want to be kind to myself and keep this calm and acceptance. I like that loving myself will help me to love others and feel connected. The same for you.
HI Tara, this made me really sad, because i am so regretting not living true to myself. Thank you for taking the time to make this little video. Bringing loving attention to this terrible sadness inside made me realise that there is hope…
Hi Tara,
A gentle reminder to love oneself and that this takes conscious time out.
I felt great warmth during the exercise and a sense of being held.
Thankyou. X
I was unable to stem the feeling of sadness and despair that I needed to. I understand the need to be kind but feel so low and despondent at times. One day at a time…….tomorrow I may feel different.
Maybe the sadness and despair are the path to healing right now? It’s such a painful time, filled with confusion and the need for great change. And yet, I am being directed to become very intimate and gentle with this darkness inside that threatens to overwhelm me (and I am learning to question this threat more deeply). The maps are gone, the answers are hidden, being called to live from a completely new, unbuilt foundation with only God’s grace to show the way. It’s an initiation into a greater story that our lives are writing. Can I love, and learn from, my sadness and despair? These “guides” are for my healing and victory and are teaching me how to hear their hidden messages – information and perspectives desperately needed on our planet right now. I suspect we all have much to discover from our journey, if we can find a way to listen to this pain without rejecting it. I will pray for us, that we will discover true freedom and entry into the beautiful world our hearts know is possible, taking comfort that I am not alone on this journey into mystery…thank you for sharing your heart??
When I tried to bring kindness to what I was experiencing—self-doubt, feeling overwhelmed, intense pressure to alway be ‘on’—I found resistance was the at the forefront of these feelings. Resistance to admitting I was weak. Resistance to admitting I might not make all of my deadlines. Resistance to giving in. Resistance to admitting I care too much about what others think of me. And finally, resistance to rest. To simply put down the pen/pencil/book/mouse and just go and give myself the rest I need right now.
This is such a great addendum to my substance abuse recovery. I am finding that my search for self discovery does begin on the inside and opening up to a new realization that I am worthy of love and happiness. It’s time for me to see the beautiful, caring, giving, compassionate person I am, that other people can see.
I am going to try to explain this because it’s easier experienced than described 🙂 … Just this morning my hurt and related anger was witnessed, it was listened to (by me) from a healthy viewpoint and a close but safe distance. Like a little child, the storminess settled down, not by being forced, but by being recognized and expressed without additional judgement, I think.
Things returned to some sort of more natural equilibrium in my emotional engine. I also got a sense of knowing how I am really doing and it got a bit better in there.
This deep, deep sense of being flawed is resistant to self-compassion. The hopelessness that surrounds it, the sense that I have tried everything and nothing helps, limits my ability to be kind and compassionate to myself. However, in the exercise, there was a bit of relief in giving myself that kindness, a bit of releasing of the fear that I will never be loved.
Tara Brach you are amazing and a beckon of both leadership and compassion. As someone who is mildly dyslexic I suffer with challenges of right and wrong and opposites, how do I fit in, I cannot understand what they mean, how do they do it? you show by sharing your vulnerability. I know at the moment my smaller self is calling to me asking to be heard and held. So when I did the practice I noticed the small part of myself the one who has suffered much in her non verbal and early verbal stages and she just wants to be picked up and held like a small child would its mother and when that happens the fuzziness or fogginess which seems to be present doesn’t fade quickly but it somehow connects with the heartspace and brings it light. The bringing of light is actually the important first step for my process and the more I hold her with a blanket or soft warm hand the more I sense connectivity with other parts of the internal body. I feel energetic connects between the Gut and the heartspace. The lower and middle dantian. I know the more I do this for myself the more I will be able to hold and share that with others.
Thank you for sharing this video with me,
I recently had a serious health event which left me with residual pain. I have been beating myself up for not taking better care of myself and my treating physicians for not anticipating and preventing this event. After listening to this talk, I felt a slight emotional shift in attitude toward myself and my physicians. It’s not their fault, it’s not my fault. Life happens. This is a good way to start real healing and lifting my suffering.
I felt disappointed and unmotivated when I observed myself. I recognise I compare myself to others which then results in self judgement, what I should or should not have said or done. Allowing self kindness, I hope will come.
I felt like I could see my lonely self and wanted to help her, but couldn’t get past the wall around her. My physical body was more relaxed, but I didn’t feel like I really touched that inner part that hides from the world.
I was quite upset and was feeling a strong tightness across my diaphragm but when I used the second wing to offer care, the pain did ease a little so thank you I will keep trying to do this practice xxx
I felt surprise that I could stop and be aware of this huge ball of suffering. I do not know how to be with it but just being aware that I can choose now to explore being with it with kindness….seemed to make it less dense and scary for me
Alexander LeBlanc, Another Field, Hatboro , PA, USAsays
When I tried to investigate what I was feeling I go into a day dream – and start thinking about something else without even realizing it. When I hear you again asking about what I experienced I remember the self hatred that I avoid. It’s crippling.
I love you Tara you have touched my soul deeply over the past few years. Thank you for what you do for the collective. Namaste ??
That exercise is similar to the thoughts and attitudes that I try to cultivate for others. When I have done so, I find that it brings peace and a sense of calm, because it seems that compassion and feelings of agitation and anxiety cannot co-exist with the feelings of compassion. However, I’ve never applied it to myself before. Doing so just now brought that same sense of peace and calm, but now in a highly personal way.
How to be kind to yourself in the face of another blaming you for their unworthiness? So difficult to hold space for kindness and the beginnings of healing for both yourself and the other who blames.
I loved this practice which I did after my own
meditation this morning. I felt a swirl of varied
sensations from openness, to subtle unsettling.
Yet I was able to hold all of what was occurring
Embodied awareness felt good: my belly relaxed,
I was conscious of my neck muscles softening slightly
and I could sense the sun outside calling me to join
in the day. I look eagerly forward to the next practice!
Many thanks to all for your beautiful support and this much needed gift.
I feel like the word ‘kindness’ is from another vocabulary, from another culture. I have to practice saying the word, write it in a sentence. When I think about situations where I am not noticed, I say to myself accept him or her as perfect in God’s eye.
I had been in a state of equanimity since waking up in re to myself and to the new love connection in my life. Down from the state of swooning finally. But when I really paid attention to the more comfortable relaxed state I found a depth beneath that is sweet, tender and at the same time harbors deep grief and vulnerability. I am not sure yet where that may lead me. It is a little scary but I know I have to go there anyway. Thank you for the invitation.
Compassion to whatever comes up in mindful meditation is the wing that’s sometimes – often – missing. But when I tried to allow it today, a soothing spaciousness came up around the strong feeling that I experienced. I felt held by it. Thank you!
Tara, I recently completed your 40-something day course in mindfulness, and I continue to practice daily by noticing life each moment as it manifests. What a difference this makes in my attitude towards life! And this video helps to remind me that Self-care is critical to survival in this season of social distancing and forced isolation. I consciously choose to show myself the compassion, empathy and sensitivity that I feel for others in this time of such intense grief and loss of those close to them. I no longer can feel undeserving and unworthy of the love that I instinctively feel and share with others. My continuing to reach out to others is really in my own best interest, as it becomes an active part of my healing process. I can think of no better way to value myself, and to value and cherish others is what gives my life meaning and purpose. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and understanding in mindfulness. May the eyes of The Divine continue to watch over and to protect you always!
Shalom
Maxine Arianne Johnston. ?
It was so strange to bring compassion to something I normally judge myself for feeling. While I’m quite familiar with loving kindness practice, I forget to apply compassion towards things I’m not proud of.
When I tried to bring kindness to my experience, hesitation and denial popped into my brain. “I don’t think now’s the right time to do this because I’m fine at the moment. There’s nothing wrong, so I don’t need this. I’ll do it later when things are intense.”
Thanks for the experience. It is quite difficult to get over the idea that only I feel this way or have such doubts. That I share these deep crippling feels with others who have worked through them and have found a happier and more pleasant way to relate to themselves and others is good for me. My mind has long known this is possible, but I feel what I feel. Feelings in this case are not reality and can be overcome a little at a time.
Hi – When I was observing, I had a sense of calm and started to relax. When I asked if I could be with these feeling with kindness, I experienced, the words to describe it that come to mind are: frenetic fencing. My take is: I’m so unaccustomed to checking in with myself this way that I’m not used to my own care, attention, and kindness. Thank you, Tara!
Facing the pain does help with living more true to self.
Being mindful and compassionate to self–yes.
Working on offering myself better care…
Listening was helpful.
This is what happened for me in the exercise: It feels like I am stuck in quick sand. The more I work to get out the more stuck I feel. All the things I used to do to deal with things aren’t working well. In fact they can make things worse.
Thank you. I experienced an understanding that what I need to do regarding a relationship can be done with kindness and understanding and not with animosity and judging. Somehow the burden feels less heavy to bear knowing that I can be true to myself AND give kind but potentially dis-easing information to another being.
There’s something so powerful about being with these negative emotions and holding them with care, with kindness, without judgement. Without that “what is wrong with me?” messaging so many of us grew up with. Opening to love and compassion for myself. I think so many of us were told that was selfish. And I love in your teaching Tara that our compassion for ourselves – going inward -actually enables us to be more compassionate and caring for others. Learning. Gently. Slowly. Awakening. Finding grace. Self acceptance. And also opening to a love that is so much bigger than my negative emotions and feelings of unworthiness. Receiving that love. Such a gift. Not an easy one. But a powerful healing balm. Thank you!
I felt an overwhelming since of sadness. I am 70 years old and have never lived true to myself. Feeling like a failure in most areas of my life, mother, wife and friend.
These teaching feel like a life line to healing.
Thank you and Namaste,
Dana
I will turn 70 real soon and feel the regrets and sadness. I want to be kind to myself and keep this calm and acceptance. I like that loving myself will help me to love others and feel connected. The same for you.
HI Tara, this made me really sad, because i am so regretting not living true to myself. Thank you for taking the time to make this little video. Bringing loving attention to this terrible sadness inside made me realise that there is hope…
I remembered being kind and compassionate to others and saw how I might do that for myself.
Hi Tara,
A gentle reminder to love oneself and that this takes conscious time out.
I felt great warmth during the exercise and a sense of being held.
Thankyou. X
I was unable to stem the feeling of sadness and despair that I needed to. I understand the need to be kind but feel so low and despondent at times. One day at a time…….tomorrow I may feel different.
Maybe the sadness and despair are the path to healing right now? It’s such a painful time, filled with confusion and the need for great change. And yet, I am being directed to become very intimate and gentle with this darkness inside that threatens to overwhelm me (and I am learning to question this threat more deeply). The maps are gone, the answers are hidden, being called to live from a completely new, unbuilt foundation with only God’s grace to show the way. It’s an initiation into a greater story that our lives are writing. Can I love, and learn from, my sadness and despair? These “guides” are for my healing and victory and are teaching me how to hear their hidden messages – information and perspectives desperately needed on our planet right now. I suspect we all have much to discover from our journey, if we can find a way to listen to this pain without rejecting it. I will pray for us, that we will discover true freedom and entry into the beautiful world our hearts know is possible, taking comfort that I am not alone on this journey into mystery…thank you for sharing your heart??
I felt a sense and sensation of softening.
My thoughts shifted from wishing other people would show me more love to imagining showing myself more care and compassion. Thank you Tara.
I noticed my own self critical and judging come up.
When I tried to bring kindness to what I was experiencing—self-doubt, feeling overwhelmed, intense pressure to alway be ‘on’—I found resistance was the at the forefront of these feelings. Resistance to admitting I was weak. Resistance to admitting I might not make all of my deadlines. Resistance to giving in. Resistance to admitting I care too much about what others think of me. And finally, resistance to rest. To simply put down the pen/pencil/book/mouse and just go and give myself the rest I need right now.
This is such a great addendum to my substance abuse recovery. I am finding that my search for self discovery does begin on the inside and opening up to a new realization that I am worthy of love and happiness. It’s time for me to see the beautiful, caring, giving, compassionate person I am, that other people can see.
Terrence Needom
I am going to try to explain this because it’s easier experienced than described 🙂 … Just this morning my hurt and related anger was witnessed, it was listened to (by me) from a healthy viewpoint and a close but safe distance. Like a little child, the storminess settled down, not by being forced, but by being recognized and expressed without additional judgement, I think.
Things returned to some sort of more natural equilibrium in my emotional engine. I also got a sense of knowing how I am really doing and it got a bit better in there.
This deep, deep sense of being flawed is resistant to self-compassion. The hopelessness that surrounds it, the sense that I have tried everything and nothing helps, limits my ability to be kind and compassionate to myself. However, in the exercise, there was a bit of relief in giving myself that kindness, a bit of releasing of the fear that I will never be loved.
I felt relief. This came to my inbox at the perfect moment. Thank you so much. These are hard times, hang in there everyone! Xo
Soothing feeling for myself. Calmness.
Tara Brach you are amazing and a beckon of both leadership and compassion. As someone who is mildly dyslexic I suffer with challenges of right and wrong and opposites, how do I fit in, I cannot understand what they mean, how do they do it? you show by sharing your vulnerability. I know at the moment my smaller self is calling to me asking to be heard and held. So when I did the practice I noticed the small part of myself the one who has suffered much in her non verbal and early verbal stages and she just wants to be picked up and held like a small child would its mother and when that happens the fuzziness or fogginess which seems to be present doesn’t fade quickly but it somehow connects with the heartspace and brings it light. The bringing of light is actually the important first step for my process and the more I hold her with a blanket or soft warm hand the more I sense connectivity with other parts of the internal body. I feel energetic connects between the Gut and the heartspace. The lower and middle dantian. I know the more I do this for myself the more I will be able to hold and share that with others.
A softening and relief.
Everything brightened and I softened 🙂
I am able to meet myself where I am. Thank you Tara ? for your support and kindness.
Thank you for sharing this video with me,
I recently had a serious health event which left me with residual pain. I have been beating myself up for not taking better care of myself and my treating physicians for not anticipating and preventing this event. After listening to this talk, I felt a slight emotional shift in attitude toward myself and my physicians. It’s not their fault, it’s not my fault. Life happens. This is a good way to start real healing and lifting my suffering.
I felt disappointed and unmotivated when I observed myself. I recognise I compare myself to others which then results in self judgement, what I should or should not have said or done. Allowing self kindness, I hope will come.
I felt like I could see my lonely self and wanted to help her, but couldn’t get past the wall around her. My physical body was more relaxed, but I didn’t feel like I really touched that inner part that hides from the world.
I was quite upset and was feeling a strong tightness across my diaphragm but when I used the second wing to offer care, the pain did ease a little so thank you I will keep trying to do this practice xxx
I felt surprise that I could stop and be aware of this huge ball of suffering. I do not know how to be with it but just being aware that I can choose now to explore being with it with kindness….seemed to make it less dense and scary for me
I became sad! Because I know I’m not my own best friend and I need to love myself more
When I tried to investigate what I was feeling I go into a day dream – and start thinking about something else without even realizing it. When I hear you again asking about what I experienced I remember the self hatred that I avoid. It’s crippling.
I love you Tara you have touched my soul deeply over the past few years. Thank you for what you do for the collective. Namaste ??
That exercise is similar to the thoughts and attitudes that I try to cultivate for others. When I have done so, I find that it brings peace and a sense of calm, because it seems that compassion and feelings of agitation and anxiety cannot co-exist with the feelings of compassion. However, I’ve never applied it to myself before. Doing so just now brought that same sense of peace and calm, but now in a highly personal way.
I was able to connect to my body sensations and then welcome them. I felt a sense of relief.
How to be kind to yourself in the face of another blaming you for their unworthiness? So difficult to hold space for kindness and the beginnings of healing for both yourself and the other who blames.
Dear Tara and Team—
I loved this practice which I did after my own
meditation this morning. I felt a swirl of varied
sensations from openness, to subtle unsettling.
Yet I was able to hold all of what was occurring
Embodied awareness felt good: my belly relaxed,
I was conscious of my neck muscles softening slightly
and I could sense the sun outside calling me to join
in the day. I look eagerly forward to the next practice!
Many thanks to all for your beautiful support and this much needed gift.
I feel like the word ‘kindness’ is from another vocabulary, from another culture. I have to practice saying the word, write it in a sentence. When I think about situations where I am not noticed, I say to myself accept him or her as perfect in God’s eye.
Thank you Tara! I felt much more at peace and connected to myself after this 🙂 looking forward to the other videos. Thank You ? ?
I had been in a state of equanimity since waking up in re to myself and to the new love connection in my life. Down from the state of swooning finally. But when I really paid attention to the more comfortable relaxed state I found a depth beneath that is sweet, tender and at the same time harbors deep grief and vulnerability. I am not sure yet where that may lead me. It is a little scary but I know I have to go there anyway. Thank you for the invitation.
I understood a conflict I was having with my husband better. I understood and accepted my own conflicted feelings.
Compassion to whatever comes up in mindful meditation is the wing that’s sometimes – often – missing. But when I tried to allow it today, a soothing spaciousness came up around the strong feeling that I experienced. I felt held by it. Thank you!
My feeling/ belief softened. Subsided a little
I felt a light release, but the mind brought me back to the unworthy feelings.
Tara, I recently completed your 40-something day course in mindfulness, and I continue to practice daily by noticing life each moment as it manifests. What a difference this makes in my attitude towards life! And this video helps to remind me that Self-care is critical to survival in this season of social distancing and forced isolation. I consciously choose to show myself the compassion, empathy and sensitivity that I feel for others in this time of such intense grief and loss of those close to them. I no longer can feel undeserving and unworthy of the love that I instinctively feel and share with others. My continuing to reach out to others is really in my own best interest, as it becomes an active part of my healing process. I can think of no better way to value myself, and to value and cherish others is what gives my life meaning and purpose. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and understanding in mindfulness. May the eyes of The Divine continue to watch over and to protect you always!
Shalom
Maxine Arianne Johnston. ?
It was so strange to bring compassion to something I normally judge myself for feeling. While I’m quite familiar with loving kindness practice, I forget to apply compassion towards things I’m not proud of.
A seed of hope was planted.
When I tried to bring kindness to my experience, hesitation and denial popped into my brain. “I don’t think now’s the right time to do this because I’m fine at the moment. There’s nothing wrong, so I don’t need this. I’ll do it later when things are intense.”
Thanks for the experience. It is quite difficult to get over the idea that only I feel this way or have such doubts. That I share these deep crippling feels with others who have worked through them and have found a happier and more pleasant way to relate to themselves and others is good for me. My mind has long known this is possible, but I feel what I feel. Feelings in this case are not reality and can be overcome a little at a time.
Hi – When I was observing, I had a sense of calm and started to relax. When I asked if I could be with these feeling with kindness, I experienced, the words to describe it that come to mind are: frenetic fencing. My take is: I’m so unaccustomed to checking in with myself this way that I’m not used to my own care, attention, and kindness. Thank you, Tara!
Thank you so much. I feel peace and contentment
Facing feelings of being a fraud
Facing the pain does help with living more true to self.
Being mindful and compassionate to self–yes.
Working on offering myself better care…
Listening was helpful.
This is what happened for me in the exercise: It feels like I am stuck in quick sand. The more I work to get out the more stuck I feel. All the things I used to do to deal with things aren’t working well. In fact they can make things worse.
Thank you. I experienced an understanding that what I need to do regarding a relationship can be done with kindness and understanding and not with animosity and judging. Somehow the burden feels less heavy to bear knowing that I can be true to myself AND give kind but potentially dis-easing information to another being.
What happened: I felt like I was in my own lap, being held.
I began to feel a sense of inner quiet and calm.
Helpful to have some simple things to remember to do when these feelings of unworthiness invade. Thank you.