At first I pushed away the kindness then my being enveloped me in large strong soft arms-I still struggled but could feel a softening and the beginning of acceptance.
I smiled… I softened … and knew this too shall pass. So easy, so simple and so to the point. Thank you so much … I have been working on worthiness and recently it has come back to be worked on … again… but from a place of solution and respect.
judy
I am critical of myself for not being a better parent, for internally judging my now grown children who may not be taking the path I think they should, for letting my own ego get in the way, for not listening….
I heard a harsh, judging voice saying, “it doesn’t matter what you feel.” And then I just wanted to flee all that, the feeling and the voice. It all happened so quickly.
Tara, Thank you so much for this balm for a sore heart.
Rob Berchick, Psychology, Warminster , PA, USAsays
Prior to viewing and “ participating “ with the video my FEARFUL awareness of lying in a hospital bed for the second time this month. Each time being admitted to ICU for 3 days followed by step down to a medical unit… I was bouncing around various negative emotions.
Post video, I am now completely aware of the gratitude I for having friends constantly reaching out, for the medical staff working hard, my spiritual relationship, and now I am aware of self compassion for having been open to experiencing miracles after cerebrovascular & cardiovascular illnesses since age 50 (now 67).
Thank you so much Tara, I am slowly working toward being kind and gentle with myself and surrounding myself with others that are doing the same. I struggle more with being kind to myself when my amygdala is activated by something someone says or does that is triggering. I know now not to engage but to go inside of myself and inquire about what is taking place within me. I can usually come back to a place of kindness with myself if I don’t act out with defensiveness. This whole process is strengthened when I make it a daily practice. I have friends who I interact with that are doing the same.
melody daugherty, Clergy, manitou springs, CO, USAsays
Thank you for your wise, gentle and integrated approach. My response to myself was sadness that I would feel for a friend when I would hear or learn of their pain.
I felt sadness for myself which felt better than the harsh, critical and shaming voice I would use against myself.
anonymous
This morning I was feeling less in comparison to my friends who I had not seen for a while. I practised a mindful moment of recognising and nurturing. I felt a loving presence, almost limitless, something I had never experienced before beginning to read Radial Compassion. Then, without realising any connection whatsoever I set about giving to my friends – a belated birthday gift, a kind call, a thank you message. It felt good and I felt enough.
a strong need for a boundary to protect myself from demands that can be overwhelming is a sign that I am feeling better about myself Also , I have kindness and compassion for others but not for me I need to cultivate that. I am improving just by setting this boundary and looking forward to the following 2 videos
Thank you I am always talking with others it is part of who I am and I care deeply about them but not me this is not as it should be
My particular experience of feeling unworthy were around recently setting a healthy much needed boundary for myself and the usual feeling of guilt I have whenever I do that. I have deep programing that taking good care of myself will cause suffering, even death, to those who are affected by my self-care. When I followed the prompt to bring kindness to that I felt a few things… I felt strange, like I’m suddenly a different person; a whole and complete individual. At the same time I was suddenly aware of the false self I’ve been living every day in an effort to make sure things stay under control, that I’m not hurting anyone, and taking care of others as much as I can so they stay safe, don’t suffer or die. The distance between the two selves feels vast and scary to bridge. But experiencing my true, healthier self felt good, really good, familiar and whole, safe and expansive. Wow. Thank you for this talk and this exercise. It came at the perfect time.
Thank you Tara! This was so helpful to me. When I did as you directed, I simply let myself feel the sadness in my heart. I felt a softening and spreading of the sadness and while I felt the pain more intensely, I also felt it more purely instead of overlaid with all kinds of self-criticism and judgement and frantic problem solving to try to fix it. Then I sent love to my hurting, heavy heart and the sadness diffused. Right now I’m still feeling somewhat “down” but I feel tenderness for myself now and the sad feelings seem like they belong and that I can include them and tolerate them. With gratitude, Lisa F.
When I brought myself kindness to feeling of emptiness, loneliness, and badness, my first feeling was feeling tears spill from my eyes and down my cheeks. Then from inside me, a very quiet voice said thank you, and I had a recognition that while I wasn’t (and am still not) sure how, being kinder to myself was in fact the only way to fill empty spots, that my self-kindness fits like the right key into the lock of this empty feeling.
In response to the question: What’s happening inside me right now?, I felt weight pushing down on my chest, from my heart to my throat.
My response to ‘ Can I be with this with kindness?’, was Yes, with a sort of shattering of thoughts about shame, vulnerability and doubt about whether I’m doing this right. Doubt and the rapid generation of undermining thoughts brought the re-questioning, can I be with this with kindness? Answer: I’ll make a conscious effort to keep asking and answering.
Thanks for asking!
When I stopped and looked within, there were shoulds.
Can I be with this?
What a new feeling and idea!
Just to be with them, the shoulds,
Sprung a feeling of smiling relief.
Thanks again, Tara and Friends!
Hi,
I use this kind of release with my clients, yet when I use it for myself- the first thing I have to do is let it be for myself, rather than thinking “oh, so and so client would really like this.” I return to it as my practice and I liked the way bringing kindness to my insecurities and feelings of not good enough began to kind of, melt. They dissipated for the moment and I felt peace. I know that the more I practice this, perhaps I’ll begin to believe it, feel it, live it in daily life. Thanks so much.
I completely understand this reaction I felt very much the same way Always thinking someone else could benefit and not really allowing myself to experience the relief of emotional pain
During the video I recognized similar feelings of unworthiness and lack. But not a sense of hopelessness. More so, a desire to better understand patterns and triggers and to find peaceful loving solutions to those experiences.And to break those habitual patterns and thoughts. Thank you
Bobbi, Marriage/Family Therapy, Los Angeles, CA, USAsays
I noticed the word “dead” came to mind, which then sent me into judgment. Self-judgment, of course. Then I asked, “can I be there with kindness?” It was still there, but there was a light, a warmth, around it. And though I NEVER cry, I felt tears well up just a bit. Maybe “dead” can finally be seen?
Thank you Tara .,I have learned so much from your teaching and how to integrate all those parts.and trying to live a life of self compassion and living authenticity.
It is interesting to discover that when getting older, how easily we shift again to emotionally painful past experiences as if THAT would be our only anchor to who we are…despite the fact of being aware that this is not the truth. As if, we were volcanoes spurting out inconsistently and shedding the emotional burden by switching between calm gentleness and terrible inner uproar. It tells me that our wounds are very deep and to re-build ourselves over and over is maybe just how ‘living’ works…
Your message is very soothing and could be our daily reminder/prayer to a softer experience. Thank you.
I felt a deep sadness for all the missed opportunities to nurture myself and others with the light of loving kindness when I turned away from listening and nurturing with an open wise heart.
When I offer kindness to whatever self-critical thought I’m having and I allow it to be, it just returns to be simply a thought and nothing more. It’s accepting that allows change to happen.
I felt greatly overwhelmed in realizing that I am very much stuck in unworthiness and it felt like a friend’s reaching out to me, tenderly touching me with support and encouragement, like being lifted up from my stupor… Looking forward to next episode… because just a few days ago I came to the awareness that I carry self-hate, self condemnation within… I was feeling lost in it, so this is a godsent that I’ve come upon this today. Thank you that is is free because I could not have heard this if it was. I feel that touch from a friend, thank you!
Lucy
I immediately got defensive…”well, I am kind to myself “…in reality I am not and struggle with body images, and am hard on myself about not losing weight fast enough
Dear Tara. I struggled to connect with the feeling of kindness to myself. I had to work at it to remove judgment towards myself. Yet, I had an inkling, a small spark of compassion towards alleviating my own suffering.
Thanks, Tara. I’ve followed your work for many years now and revisit your teachings regularly. Your talks often bring me to tears – in a good way. When I use your suggestion to say yes to everything, no matter how hard, I always feel lighter in myself, meaning a feeling of release that may only last a second but accompanied by the feeling that, like difficult feelings, will also return as regularly as the hard ones. I hope that’s clear. Thank you so much for everything you’ve done to help. You feel like a friend to me even though we’ve never met. Ed
Hello Tara
Thank you for the video. I also really appreciate your weekly meditations.
I feel I am much more able to sit with myself with a slowly opening breath heart. With fluctuations of course.
What I feel we / I also need is a ‘grief ritual’. Just acknowledging and giving space to grief, human suffering, beyond our stories. Of course the stories need to be looked at, felt, worked through. Compassion, kindness for ourselves and others, but somehow an expression for grief.
with kindness
Celia
When I try to be conscious there is often a feeling of inner restlessness, and when I look closer or deeper, i realize I feel dissatisfied with myself. I’m never good enough.Eventhough I practise regularly and practise RAIN. How can I say this the feeling of unworthiness is somtimes under the layer of fear or anger, and not right a way obviously
I began to feel more relaxed and I could breath deeper while I felt there was more space in my breast. Realizing the possibility to accept myself just the way I was without judgement began to sound more real although the pain was still there,I could stay there kindly. Thank you so much!
I listened while I was working and realized that purpose helps to relieve the grief of unworthiness. I will listen again when I am idle and notice the difference. Thank you Tara!
I felt a strong resistance, like I didn’t deserve it. Projecting compassion outward is something I try to do on a daily basis, but projecting it inward, at a deep level, is extremely difficult.
I don’t believe myself when I kindly tell myself that everything is ok and that I am doing really well. Despite trying to teach myself loving kindness, I have a deep seated belief that i will not get better, i’ll always be stuck in this self pain.
Thank you Tara. As I listen I recognize that it is far easier for me to have compassion for others than it is to love myself. I look forward to the path of self compassion as I know that will help me grow and be more present with others.
Brandon Rhoads, Teacher, San Francisco , CA, USAsays
I felt a sense of striving, impatience, self judgment and It felt like a tightness in my chest. I focused my attention on the feeling. I offered kindness to it and the tightness didn’t necessarily go away but I had more of an awareness of the spaces around the sensation. I had more of an awareness of all the sensations happening in and around my body and the opening up of my senses to see everything else simultaneously helped me to feel more as if I was a witness. A bigger being, It seemed to diffuse the discomfort of the initial tightness being my own loving witness.
I felt a softening
At first I pushed away the kindness then my being enveloped me in large strong soft arms-I still struggled but could feel a softening and the beginning of acceptance.
I smiled… I softened … and knew this too shall pass. So easy, so simple and so to the point. Thank you so much … I have been working on worthiness and recently it has come back to be worked on … again… but from a place of solution and respect.
judy
I am critical of myself for not being a better parent, for internally judging my now grown children who may not be taking the path I think they should, for letting my own ego get in the way, for not listening….
I heard a harsh, judging voice saying, “it doesn’t matter what you feel.” And then I just wanted to flee all that, the feeling and the voice. It all happened so quickly.
Tara, Thank you so much for this balm for a sore heart.
Prior to viewing and “ participating “ with the video my FEARFUL awareness of lying in a hospital bed for the second time this month. Each time being admitted to ICU for 3 days followed by step down to a medical unit… I was bouncing around various negative emotions.
Post video, I am now completely aware of the gratitude I for having friends constantly reaching out, for the medical staff working hard, my spiritual relationship, and now I am aware of self compassion for having been open to experiencing miracles after cerebrovascular & cardiovascular illnesses since age 50 (now 67).
A sense of lightness
With the thought of bringing kindness to my experience I felt myself relax.
Thank you so much Tara, I am slowly working toward being kind and gentle with myself and surrounding myself with others that are doing the same. I struggle more with being kind to myself when my amygdala is activated by something someone says or does that is triggering. I know now not to engage but to go inside of myself and inquire about what is taking place within me. I can usually come back to a place of kindness with myself if I don’t act out with defensiveness. This whole process is strengthened when I make it a daily practice. I have friends who I interact with that are doing the same.
I felt warm and expansive. It was a beautiful feeling. The anxiety was still there in the background, but it felt like I was safe. Thank you Tara!
Thank you for your wise, gentle and integrated approach. My response to myself was sadness that I would feel for a friend when I would hear or learn of their pain.
I felt sadness for myself which felt better than the harsh, critical and shaming voice I would use against myself.
anonymous
I noticed a shifting of energy, the sensations and thoughts lost their sharpness and intensity and softened around the kindness I was offering.
This morning I was feeling less in comparison to my friends who I had not seen for a while. I practised a mindful moment of recognising and nurturing. I felt a loving presence, almost limitless, something I had never experienced before beginning to read Radial Compassion. Then, without realising any connection whatsoever I set about giving to my friends – a belated birthday gift, a kind call, a thank you message. It felt good and I felt enough.
I also noticed a calmness when I allowed myself to experience that compassion
a strong need for a boundary to protect myself from demands that can be overwhelming is a sign that I am feeling better about myself Also , I have kindness and compassion for others but not for me I need to cultivate that. I am improving just by setting this boundary and looking forward to the following 2 videos
Thank you I am always talking with others it is part of who I am and I care deeply about them but not me this is not as it should be
My particular experience of feeling unworthy were around recently setting a healthy much needed boundary for myself and the usual feeling of guilt I have whenever I do that. I have deep programing that taking good care of myself will cause suffering, even death, to those who are affected by my self-care. When I followed the prompt to bring kindness to that I felt a few things… I felt strange, like I’m suddenly a different person; a whole and complete individual. At the same time I was suddenly aware of the false self I’ve been living every day in an effort to make sure things stay under control, that I’m not hurting anyone, and taking care of others as much as I can so they stay safe, don’t suffer or die. The distance between the two selves feels vast and scary to bridge. But experiencing my true, healthier self felt good, really good, familiar and whole, safe and expansive. Wow. Thank you for this talk and this exercise. It came at the perfect time.
Thank you Tara! This was so helpful to me. When I did as you directed, I simply let myself feel the sadness in my heart. I felt a softening and spreading of the sadness and while I felt the pain more intensely, I also felt it more purely instead of overlaid with all kinds of self-criticism and judgement and frantic problem solving to try to fix it. Then I sent love to my hurting, heavy heart and the sadness diffused. Right now I’m still feeling somewhat “down” but I feel tenderness for myself now and the sad feelings seem like they belong and that I can include them and tolerate them. With gratitude, Lisa F.
When I brought myself kindness to feeling of emptiness, loneliness, and badness, my first feeling was feeling tears spill from my eyes and down my cheeks. Then from inside me, a very quiet voice said thank you, and I had a recognition that while I wasn’t (and am still not) sure how, being kinder to myself was in fact the only way to fill empty spots, that my self-kindness fits like the right key into the lock of this empty feeling.
Noticed softening round sensations in my torso.
Mind moved to planning ‘how can I use this when I’m really distressed….’
I felt tenderness and relief. I felt as though I could trust myself. I felt accompanied.
Safe.
Thank you ?
In response to the question: What’s happening inside me right now?, I felt weight pushing down on my chest, from my heart to my throat.
My response to ‘ Can I be with this with kindness?’, was Yes, with a sort of shattering of thoughts about shame, vulnerability and doubt about whether I’m doing this right. Doubt and the rapid generation of undermining thoughts brought the re-questioning, can I be with this with kindness? Answer: I’ll make a conscious effort to keep asking and answering.
Thanks for asking!
I tried, but it is very hard. I’m now 65 years old. Maybe it’s too late to learn.
Wondering…?
When I stopped and looked within, there were shoulds.
Can I be with this?
What a new feeling and idea!
Just to be with them, the shoulds,
Sprung a feeling of smiling relief.
Thanks again, Tara and Friends!
Hi,
I use this kind of release with my clients, yet when I use it for myself- the first thing I have to do is let it be for myself, rather than thinking “oh, so and so client would really like this.” I return to it as my practice and I liked the way bringing kindness to my insecurities and feelings of not good enough began to kind of, melt. They dissipated for the moment and I felt peace. I know that the more I practice this, perhaps I’ll begin to believe it, feel it, live it in daily life. Thanks so much.
I completely understand this reaction I felt very much the same way Always thinking someone else could benefit and not really allowing myself to experience the relief of emotional pain
During the video I recognized similar feelings of unworthiness and lack. But not a sense of hopelessness. More so, a desire to better understand patterns and triggers and to find peaceful loving solutions to those experiences.And to break those habitual patterns and thoughts. Thank you
I noticed the word “dead” came to mind, which then sent me into judgment. Self-judgment, of course. Then I asked, “can I be there with kindness?” It was still there, but there was a light, a warmth, around it. And though I NEVER cry, I felt tears well up just a bit. Maybe “dead” can finally be seen?
Thank you Tara .,I have learned so much from your teaching and how to integrate all those parts.and trying to live a life of self compassion and living authenticity.
The emotion felt less intense – more bearable.
It is interesting to discover that when getting older, how easily we shift again to emotionally painful past experiences as if THAT would be our only anchor to who we are…despite the fact of being aware that this is not the truth. As if, we were volcanoes spurting out inconsistently and shedding the emotional burden by switching between calm gentleness and terrible inner uproar. It tells me that our wounds are very deep and to re-build ourselves over and over is maybe just how ‘living’ works…
Your message is very soothing and could be our daily reminder/prayer to a softer experience. Thank you.
I felt a deep sadness for all the missed opportunities to nurture myself and others with the light of loving kindness when I turned away from listening and nurturing with an open wise heart.
When I offer kindness to whatever self-critical thought I’m having and I allow it to be, it just returns to be simply a thought and nothing more. It’s accepting that allows change to happen.
I felt greatly overwhelmed in realizing that I am very much stuck in unworthiness and it felt like a friend’s reaching out to me, tenderly touching me with support and encouragement, like being lifted up from my stupor… Looking forward to next episode… because just a few days ago I came to the awareness that I carry self-hate, self condemnation within… I was feeling lost in it, so this is a godsent that I’ve come upon this today. Thank you that is is free because I could not have heard this if it was. I feel that touch from a friend, thank you!
Lucy
I immediately got defensive…”well, I am kind to myself “…in reality I am not and struggle with body images, and am hard on myself about not losing weight fast enough
Dear Tara. I struggled to connect with the feeling of kindness to myself. I had to work at it to remove judgment towards myself. Yet, I had an inkling, a small spark of compassion towards alleviating my own suffering.
Thanks, Tara. I’ve followed your work for many years now and revisit your teachings regularly. Your talks often bring me to tears – in a good way. When I use your suggestion to say yes to everything, no matter how hard, I always feel lighter in myself, meaning a feeling of release that may only last a second but accompanied by the feeling that, like difficult feelings, will also return as regularly as the hard ones. I hope that’s clear. Thank you so much for everything you’ve done to help. You feel like a friend to me even though we’ve never met. Ed
Hello Tara
Thank you for the video. I also really appreciate your weekly meditations.
I feel I am much more able to sit with myself with a slowly opening breath heart. With fluctuations of course.
What I feel we / I also need is a ‘grief ritual’. Just acknowledging and giving space to grief, human suffering, beyond our stories. Of course the stories need to be looked at, felt, worked through. Compassion, kindness for ourselves and others, but somehow an expression for grief.
with kindness
Celia
When I try to be conscious there is often a feeling of inner restlessness, and when I look closer or deeper, i realize I feel dissatisfied with myself. I’m never good enough.Eventhough I practise regularly and practise RAIN. How can I say this the feeling of unworthiness is somtimes under the layer of fear or anger, and not right a way obviously
I had trouble staying focused. My mind went off in a different direction and I lost track of what the original intent.
I began to feel more relaxed and I could breath deeper while I felt there was more space in my breast. Realizing the possibility to accept myself just the way I was without judgement began to sound more real although the pain was still there,I could stay there kindly. Thank you so much!
Looking back on choices made with more compassion
I listened while I was working and realized that purpose helps to relieve the grief of unworthiness. I will listen again when I am idle and notice the difference. Thank you Tara!
I felt a strong resistance, like I didn’t deserve it. Projecting compassion outward is something I try to do on a daily basis, but projecting it inward, at a deep level, is extremely difficult.
Softness, grace an acceptance. Thank you!
Deep sadness as I realize I don’t have compassion for my deeply flawed self
I can understand why its called a practice, because I need to practice this, every day!
I don’t believe myself when I kindly tell myself that everything is ok and that I am doing really well. Despite trying to teach myself loving kindness, I have a deep seated belief that i will not get better, i’ll always be stuck in this self pain.
It made me question my ability to comfort myself – it made long for kindness and reassurance from someone else.
Thank you Tara. As I listen I recognize that it is far easier for me to have compassion for others than it is to love myself. I look forward to the path of self compassion as I know that will help me grow and be more present with others.
I felt a sense of striving, impatience, self judgment and It felt like a tightness in my chest. I focused my attention on the feeling. I offered kindness to it and the tightness didn’t necessarily go away but I had more of an awareness of the spaces around the sensation. I had more of an awareness of all the sensations happening in and around my body and the opening up of my senses to see everything else simultaneously helped me to feel more as if I was a witness. A bigger being, It seemed to diffuse the discomfort of the initial tightness being my own loving witness.