I connected once again with my own feeling of unworthiness and depression. I can also connect with some self-compassion, being witness of my feelings. I am not over them, I live with them, not easy
Hello Tara,
Thank you for this free and informative video; I look forward to the next one.
I appreciate your personal example of suffering and being with it and ultimate softening. When I did the brief mindfulness and asked the 2 questions, I was able to focus and recognized that I could be with these feelings without harsh judgement, rather with kindness and self-acceptance. I realize that all my feelings matter and that I can quiet my inner critic. I am 71 years old, retiring from a meaningful counseling practice this year where I worked with end of life issues and chronic illness. I have a rich bucket list which I want to pursue with joy and presence. Your guidance and wisdom is so helpful. I hope to take a training course with you in the future. Thank you!
It’s almost a sense of confusion and disorientation because I’m so identified with the trance of unworthiness (or toxic shame) that to be reminded that this is not who I have to be, it completely stops me in my tracks. I have these moments of clear sight and feel hope, and then what I find is the toxic shame moves back in like a fog (or storm) rolling in and I’m back to the ‘status quo’. What you remind me Tara, is the only way possible to free myself from the trance is daily (hourly!) choosing to face and feel the difficult feelings to step through the portal to an identity of self-compassion. Thank you Tara. x
I was feeling a sad longing for a recently ex partner, when I looked at this feeling with kindness something lifted in the sadness despite the longing still being there… I was able to stay with the emotion and accept it without it hurting as much.
A good cry and feelings of grief. Deep pain, feelings of woundedness or brokenness, grief, regrets. Also compassion and not feeling separate. Sitting with this now.
I suddenly realized that I was petting my dog. Then I said to myself that it was okay to just pet the dog and think. I thought that a kind me would say, look how happy the dog is and know you are doing something good right now.
I felt relief when I realised that the recent events in my life were indeed sad and that the feeling of sadness I carry with me is understandable. I ave myself permission to stay with the feeling until it passes.
during this present time..I feel a sense of constant fear…fear of Covid-19
I know that if I go the vaccination, It would alleviate all of m y fearsof going out and about. But i can not. I fear the vacinnes that are not present..but I want the Johnson and Johnson..I am so tired of isolation. It is not good for me as I just have to sit with the fact that it is what it is. They have only allocated 6000 to cover all the people here in Tucson. I am writing a book o n autism, and I know this give me time to do this…but when this loneliness envelops me, it leaves me with depression and anxiety. maybe t his is a time for me to just …be.
Awakening from years of being stuck in my relational freeze response I am looking forward to the next video to provide me guidance to a new horizon of experiencing feeling safe, trusted, nurtured.
Marilyn Brende, Occupational Therapy, UKIAH, CA, USAsays
I do have a spiritual practice involving meditation. As soon as I got into my meditative state and asked myself question#1, I felt relaxed and safe and surprisingly happy. A compassion for myself flooded my being and I knew deep in my heart that I could answer question#1 with a confident “Yes”. I should mention that I have been profoundly depressed for several months. You are very correct when you say the 2 questions are both simple and deep! Thank you!
Steven Schargel, Chiropractor, Gainesville, FL, USAsays
I also I’m discovering the boy inside that says he is not likeable and just bringing him to awareness and asking him what he wants which is love is what I’m giving him
What causes people to have – or lack – self-compassion growing up? Is it to do with parenting? I understand how people can try to rectify their self-compassion deficits later in life. But what causes the deficit to begin with?!
It’s not easy to access… “Aboveground” i think that i like myself, that i’m happy with who i am and who i have become. However, i also know that “belowground” there is a lot of selfjudgement. But either my inner voice doesn’t judge myself loudly or I am so used to judging – most probably both – that it is hard to put a finger on it, for example to imagine a certain or common situation. This makes it hard to feel my inner judge and therefore hard to bring kindness to it. It might take more practice. Thank you for this offer and the inspiration!
My feelings of fear, unworthiness and shame went away in that moment and I felt reassured by feeling calm, cared for and loved. I was back to my true self. Thank you so much. I look forward to the next part.
My primary instinct is toward self judgment. It is very helpful to be encouraged consistently to experience my feelings without adding that judgment and to extend toward myself the same kindness I would give to a good friend. It is always inspiring to hear it promoted by Tara and others and the challenge for me is to realize for myself that I too am worthy of that kindness.
I am a le to identify the negatives i “see” in myself…but when i am invited to ‘have self love/compassion or forgiveness ” i feel numb or blocked from really and deeply change my chronic habits of self blame. I can intellectually grasp the concept, but to get deep and FEEL forgiveness or self love is just like going toward a thick fog. Nothingness.
Dear Tara, your guided meditations and talks, always so beautifully and precisely worded, have supported my meditation practice for many years, and added immensely to my sense of well-being. I appreciate this opportunity to thank you! Today, I was able to answer the second question with a wholehearted “yes.”
Christine Ntibarutaye
I thank you so much for this video. When I was listening ,I had a feeling of forgiving all the people who hurt me. I felt that I should let go and start new. Now, I am sending a loving kindness energy to all. Thanks a lot Tara
In addition to my first comment:
I am 75 years, live in Germany in Bochum, a town in the middle of the Coal and Metal Industrie. Since those Industries are not existent anymore, the whole region is rather poor and thus the people often desperate, disappointed and hopeless.
Since this concerns also many of the older generation, which “lost” their identity I founded a group for the elderly: about 12 people between 72 – 83! I am not a Therapist but have great compassion and empathy. Talking, reflecting, helping each other, bringing them together to feel to belong and open up to a perspective. It is really rewarding.
I would use some of the Breathing Session in”Mindfulness Daily” and from the Sessions here. Thank you so much. I am happy and grateful for this opportunity.
Angelika
I notice there’s a cycle. There are times when it’s easy to be kind to myself, and times when it isn’t. It’s a practice to come back to when I’ve strayed from it. It’s a practice I am still learning to trust. Each time I come back it feels different. It’s not a practice of doing because the harder you try to control it the more it slips away. You can’t try to be. You can only learn to just be… And I wonder if the moments when it’s difficult to be kind to myself are when I’m trying to hard to be kind, good, caring, happy… and can I be with this?
I relaxed into the feeling of despair, then I told myself that I am here for you Anne, I am going to look after you, and that things are going to improve because I’m no longer going to be passive in life, I’m going to take loving care of me.
I could feel sadness coming up, tears rolling down my cheeks when I asked the question what is happening right now. I could get a glimpse of the little child inside me that was so sad. But when you invited to ask the second question, I became more calm and a kind of freedom was there, I could stay with it. A picture came up seeing me as an adult sitting next to the little kid I once was and this felt powerful in the sense that I am able to feel what is happening and also be kind to this feeling.
Thank you very much for showing me a way how I can deal with my sadness which comes up again and again. This feeling of unworthiness is still with me despite numerous trials to tell myself that I´m worthy. Your approach of asking these two questions is the most helpful way, as I´ve experienced tonight. I will keep on trying this approach from now on more often.
Thanks a lot for your solft voice which really helps me to try this 2 question approach.
Thank you for this precious video. It is so synchronistic to my process as this morning during meditation I was presented with the opportunity to accept several wounded parts of myself who had been ignored and rejected for a long time. I tenderly spent time with them and offered my compassion, asking for forgiveness that I had for so long ignored them. Your video is such an affirmation of the deep significance of offering self acceptance, self love and non judgment as our wounded parts present themselves and their needs for unconditional love.
Thank you Tara, Since I was 3 years old I have had eating disorders. I am now 62.
I have been in Recovery of SUD; Drugs and alcohol. I currently am struggling with binge eating and I have the sleeve which is a form of gastric bypass. I am practicing mindfulness and self compassion and I finally feel it in my heart to love myself. Although, I have that built in forgetter.
Today as I listened to your exercise I did get the feeling of self ❤ love.
Thank you for the reminder.
This exercise was helpful & I have worked with RAIN from some of Tara’s other teachings. I have been trying to be with these feelings of despair & failure for quite a while. They have lessened a bit, but my mind holds the deep belief that the despair has been there my whole life & nothing will shift.
I connected once again with my own feeling of unworthiness and depression. I can also connect with some self-compassion, being witness of my feelings. I am not over them, I live with them, not easy
I felt a small release of tension, enough of a shift to relax & take a breath.
Hello Tara,
Thank you for this free and informative video; I look forward to the next one.
I appreciate your personal example of suffering and being with it and ultimate softening. When I did the brief mindfulness and asked the 2 questions, I was able to focus and recognized that I could be with these feelings without harsh judgement, rather with kindness and self-acceptance. I realize that all my feelings matter and that I can quiet my inner critic. I am 71 years old, retiring from a meaningful counseling practice this year where I worked with end of life issues and chronic illness. I have a rich bucket list which I want to pursue with joy and presence. Your guidance and wisdom is so helpful. I hope to take a training course with you in the future. Thank you!
I want to know why I have an active mind and a lazy body
I felt a sense of warmth and comfort.
It’s almost a sense of confusion and disorientation because I’m so identified with the trance of unworthiness (or toxic shame) that to be reminded that this is not who I have to be, it completely stops me in my tracks. I have these moments of clear sight and feel hope, and then what I find is the toxic shame moves back in like a fog (or storm) rolling in and I’m back to the ‘status quo’. What you remind me Tara, is the only way possible to free myself from the trance is daily (hourly!) choosing to face and feel the difficult feelings to step through the portal to an identity of self-compassion. Thank you Tara. x
I felt a feeling of I’m doing okay
An upwelling of tears, acknowledgment of how I deprive myself of compassion lately.
I was feeling a sad longing for a recently ex partner, when I looked at this feeling with kindness something lifted in the sadness despite the longing still being there… I was able to stay with the emotion and accept it without it hurting as much.
Great video and insight! You need to be your best friend and have love for ourselves so we can love others
A good cry and feelings of grief. Deep pain, feelings of woundedness or brokenness, grief, regrets. Also compassion and not feeling separate. Sitting with this now.
I don’t like myself. I don’t trust myself. I have let everyone who matters to me in a bad place.
I feel calmer
I suddenly realized that I was petting my dog. Then I said to myself that it was okay to just pet the dog and think. I thought that a kind me would say, look how happy the dog is and know you are doing something good right now.
(I meant saying “Yes” Question #2)
I felt relief when I realised that the recent events in my life were indeed sad and that the feeling of sadness I carry with me is understandable. I ave myself permission to stay with the feeling until it passes.
during this present time..I feel a sense of constant fear…fear of Covid-19
I know that if I go the vaccination, It would alleviate all of m y fearsof going out and about. But i can not. I fear the vacinnes that are not present..but I want the Johnson and Johnson..I am so tired of isolation. It is not good for me as I just have to sit with the fact that it is what it is. They have only allocated 6000 to cover all the people here in Tucson. I am writing a book o n autism, and I know this give me time to do this…but when this loneliness envelops me, it leaves me with depression and anxiety. maybe t his is a time for me to just …be.
I couldn’t. I cried.
Awakening from years of being stuck in my relational freeze response I am looking forward to the next video to provide me guidance to a new horizon of experiencing feeling safe, trusted, nurtured.
I do have a spiritual practice involving meditation. As soon as I got into my meditative state and asked myself question#1, I felt relaxed and safe and surprisingly happy. A compassion for myself flooded my being and I knew deep in my heart that I could answer question#1 with a confident “Yes”. I should mention that I have been profoundly depressed for several months. You are very correct when you say the 2 questions are both simple and deep! Thank you!
There is a deep horizon inside me.
I don’t know
I also I’m discovering the boy inside that says he is not likeable and just bringing him to awareness and asking him what he wants which is love is what I’m giving him
I felt like I didn’t deserve to be kind to myself because I have this deep seated belief that I am not good enough.
What causes people to have – or lack – self-compassion growing up? Is it to do with parenting? I understand how people can try to rectify their self-compassion deficits later in life. But what causes the deficit to begin with?!
A subtle sense of ease, a hint of peacefulness – like the morning sun – began to fill and cover me …
A positive feeling came about when trying to bring kindness. A feeling of lightness and relief happened.
It’s not easy to access… “Aboveground” i think that i like myself, that i’m happy with who i am and who i have become. However, i also know that “belowground” there is a lot of selfjudgement. But either my inner voice doesn’t judge myself loudly or I am so used to judging – most probably both – that it is hard to put a finger on it, for example to imagine a certain or common situation. This makes it hard to feel my inner judge and therefore hard to bring kindness to it. It might take more practice. Thank you for this offer and the inspiration!
My feelings of fear, unworthiness and shame went away in that moment and I felt reassured by feeling calm, cared for and loved. I was back to my true self. Thank you so much. I look forward to the next part.
My primary instinct is toward self judgment. It is very helpful to be encouraged consistently to experience my feelings without adding that judgment and to extend toward myself the same kindness I would give to a good friend. It is always inspiring to hear it promoted by Tara and others and the challenge for me is to realize for myself that I too am worthy of that kindness.
I felt love and release of pressure on my chest.
I feel less alone but still I can’t myself to go on a daily routine of meditation..
I felt regret and shame and sorrow that I have hated myself since i was a kid.
Any idea why?
I am a le to identify the negatives i “see” in myself…but when i am invited to ‘have self love/compassion or forgiveness ” i feel numb or blocked from really and deeply change my chronic habits of self blame. I can intellectually grasp the concept, but to get deep and FEEL forgiveness or self love is just like going toward a thick fog. Nothingness.
I can relate to what you’ve shared Maureen…may we both find out way through the fog.
Repressed emotional pain is very difficult to access and stifles compassion of any kind.
Dear Tara, your guided meditations and talks, always so beautifully and precisely worded, have supported my meditation practice for many years, and added immensely to my sense of well-being. I appreciate this opportunity to thank you! Today, I was able to answer the second question with a wholehearted “yes.”
Christine Ntibarutaye
I thank you so much for this video. When I was listening ,I had a feeling of forgiving all the people who hurt me. I felt that I should let go and start new. Now, I am sending a loving kindness energy to all. Thanks a lot Tara
In addition to my first comment:
I am 75 years, live in Germany in Bochum, a town in the middle of the Coal and Metal Industrie. Since those Industries are not existent anymore, the whole region is rather poor and thus the people often desperate, disappointed and hopeless.
Since this concerns also many of the older generation, which “lost” their identity I founded a group for the elderly: about 12 people between 72 – 83! I am not a Therapist but have great compassion and empathy. Talking, reflecting, helping each other, bringing them together to feel to belong and open up to a perspective. It is really rewarding.
I would use some of the Breathing Session in”Mindfulness Daily” and from the Sessions here. Thank you so much. I am happy and grateful for this opportunity.
Angelika
I notice there’s a cycle. There are times when it’s easy to be kind to myself, and times when it isn’t. It’s a practice to come back to when I’ve strayed from it. It’s a practice I am still learning to trust. Each time I come back it feels different. It’s not a practice of doing because the harder you try to control it the more it slips away. You can’t try to be. You can only learn to just be… And I wonder if the moments when it’s difficult to be kind to myself are when I’m trying to hard to be kind, good, caring, happy… and can I be with this?
I felt resistance then I felt a space and smiled
I relaxed into the feeling of despair, then I told myself that I am here for you Anne, I am going to look after you, and that things are going to improve because I’m no longer going to be passive in life, I’m going to take loving care of me.
Incredible saddness and tears. I’ve been struggling mightly for several months so this was totally expected. And hard
I could feel sadness coming up, tears rolling down my cheeks when I asked the question what is happening right now. I could get a glimpse of the little child inside me that was so sad. But when you invited to ask the second question, I became more calm and a kind of freedom was there, I could stay with it. A picture came up seeing me as an adult sitting next to the little kid I once was and this felt powerful in the sense that I am able to feel what is happening and also be kind to this feeling.
Thank you very much for showing me a way how I can deal with my sadness which comes up again and again. This feeling of unworthiness is still with me despite numerous trials to tell myself that I´m worthy. Your approach of asking these two questions is the most helpful way, as I´ve experienced tonight. I will keep on trying this approach from now on more often.
Thanks a lot for your solft voice which really helps me to try this 2 question approach.
I just don’t know how to do this. I feel like I am so out of touch with myself that I don’t even know where to begin.
Thank you for this precious video. It is so synchronistic to my process as this morning during meditation I was presented with the opportunity to accept several wounded parts of myself who had been ignored and rejected for a long time. I tenderly spent time with them and offered my compassion, asking for forgiveness that I had for so long ignored them. Your video is such an affirmation of the deep significance of offering self acceptance, self love and non judgment as our wounded parts present themselves and their needs for unconditional love.
Thank you Tara, Since I was 3 years old I have had eating disorders. I am now 62.
I have been in Recovery of SUD; Drugs and alcohol. I currently am struggling with binge eating and I have the sleeve which is a form of gastric bypass. I am practicing mindfulness and self compassion and I finally feel it in my heart to love myself. Although, I have that built in forgetter.
Today as I listened to your exercise I did get the feeling of self ❤ love.
Thank you for the reminder.
Tara’s voice and music drew me in. I relaxed and thought about myself and worked on letting go of my belief I’m never quite good enough. Thank you.
I felt calm inside, quiet and content.
This exercise was helpful & I have worked with RAIN from some of Tara’s other teachings. I have been trying to be with these feelings of despair & failure for quite a while. They have lessened a bit, but my mind holds the deep belief that the despair has been there my whole life & nothing will shift.
I’ve read Tara’s 3 books. This was helpful to me in implementing what I’ve read. Eileen