Stephanie Stackhouse, Another Field, San Luis Obispo, CA, USAsays
I also felt that sadness of not being my own best friend. When I asked how I can meet myself with kindness and compassion, I had a feeling of “all is well”. Thank you!
Thank you!
My trance circles around tasks and completing them “well” and naturally my fear and self-doubt grew when we were asked to look at these two steps. However, being my own best friend stuck out through this fear, and my first step and where I remain know moments after the video, is that its ok. The fear and me being fearful is ok. I can work on more from here. 🙂
Karin Bellantoni, Coach, Laguna Beach, CA, USAsays
Thank you for this simple exercise it was quite powerful. I felt a sense of loving compassion for myself. Almost like the adult version of me stepping in to care for a younger version who has a strong inner critic.Looking forward to the next video and I signed up for the cool text alert feature!
I, who am 74 and have developed major health issues, and who has been pretty independent in my life, am struggling with my dependence on others especially with an old bachelor friend who helps me out a lot, I get annoyed and often snap at him and then feel badly. Bringing kindness to this I am hoping will help me feel less trapped and less badly and as I work on this I hope less reaction.
When I bring kindness to myself I become my best friend which allows me to feel free and this freedom let’s my creativity flow and opens up strong currents of compassion for my family, friends, and clients who depend upon my curiosity and openness to help heal them on their journey.
I am aware of a general angst – feeling unworthy b/c dissertation is taking so long, fearful that I really cannot do this. Fearful that I have irreconcilably derailed my career/life path (lost a tenure line position this summer when academic program was eliminated from my university). One result is loss of income, and associated loss of worthiness because I am not earning money and contributing to household. Fearful about the limited time I have left to realize my potential/dreams.
Thank you!
When I handle my woundedness with kindness and self compassion, I become proactive, able to observe my situation without becoming the situation, a new space opens up in which I am not critical or punitive with myself and I don’t act like a victim. When I come from kindness and self-compassion I am able to nurture myself and look for solutions that can help me address the situation.
I was able to give myself permission to say no, to focus on where I could take action and let that be enough. I could see where I was letting perfection be the enemy of the good. I cried for myself in not being able to see past other people’s judgments.
Anonymous Anonymous, Social Work, New York, NY, USAsays
This was an extraordinary video. I transcribed every word. I have done a little reading on radical acceptance and it seemed like a far-off, abstract concept. I now see where Dr Brach is leading with a journey that starts with a path to self-kindness and self-compassion. I recently took Kristin Neff and Christopher Germer’s 12-hour, multi-day workshop on the Core Skills for Mindful Self-Compassion, which I would highly recommend. As a licensed clinical social worker and a person who has struggled with self-doubt, fear of failure, perfectionism, and the resulting self-loathing that generates, Dr Brach’s teachings speak deeply to those issues. For both my clients and myself, I realize how important self-compassion is to self-healing, and to feeling like you have a right to live in this world as a confident, caring, and sensitive individual who is true to yourself and the life you envision. What a gift to clients and yourself.
I noticed how regularly I go into harshly judging myself, and putting myself down. But it’s so subtle, and the stories I tell myself are so convincing, that I hardly notice it’s “me,” criticizing myself. It also effects how I perceive what others are saying to me. It’s like I move through my life wearing an “I know I’m not ok, and I have to fix myself “ filter, more often than I realize.
I also felt sadness and a softening toward myself as I listened to this video. Thank you, Tara. And I find it really healing to read these comments. There’s so much courage amd insight, here.
blessings to all, Marcy
When you shared your personal experience (and thank you for that), I completely related to that harshness with which I judge myself. This brought a rush of sadness. However, when I paused for your guided contemplation, I felt a sense of peace. It felt good to stop and question that tape in my head that constantly criticizes.
I love the steps of awareness and compassion. I decided while doing this exercise to start calling myself “My Love” instead of “hey you” or “worry wart”. And I felt a wave of calmness flow in me. What a wonderful gift to have and share!
Thanks so much Tara!
Linda Jackson, Another Field, Las Cruces, NM, USAsays
Brought me to tears……My daughter just had her first baby and he is in the NICU. She had to go home without him and is engorged with breast milk and no baby to nurse. She was crying and so distraught. My heart goes out to her but I cannot fix her problem…..I feel inadequate as a mother. I am anxious and worried and my blood pressure is up today. What to do??
Great start on your 3-part video
Have you read “Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice” (2002) Firestone et al from New Harbinger?
Good journaling exercises there for identifying and challenging the inner critic
Ania Foster, Psychotherapy, Campbell , CA, USAsays
I have been struggling with self compassion my whole life, similarly by practicing it gets better, however periodically I slip to self-hatred. I noticed that other life events have enormous influence on how I feel about myself, in particular work stress. I have been using mindfulness to look inwards for years now and every time I get a sense of relief! When I practiced this, it’s like my practice put things in perspective and fortunately after some time I find a way not only to adjust my attitude but also my circumstances. I often think about living as my authentic self and every time I act impulsive over reactive I use breathing/ mindfulness or grounding to center me and dedicate myself to repair The damage or show up more authentically.
There was resistance to give myself permission to let go of the outter world and go inward. When I did get to release into the inner world, there was exhaustion, confusion, fear and self judgement about how I’m living my life versus how I want to live my life. It is a reminder that this work is a life long practice and not formulaic.
?for this generous offering. As I age, turning 69, experience, learning and mostly the past decade of mindfulness/mindfulness meditation practice I notice an increased capacity to be with whatever arises in myself – all the regrets, heartaches and challenges (ditto your personal story – parallels mine)+, and also the acceptance of the randomness and impermanence of this human reality. This realization serves to inspire growing resilience and compassion for others. Less judgement along with “wiser” discernment seems to be of benefit to me and hopefully all whom I relate with. Bell, breath….
I think I can foster compassion for myself much of the time when I am alone. My problem comes when I interact with other people. I tend to avoid any kind of conflict so I shrink away from many encounters with others and that makes me feel lonely and isolated.
I can relate to this! You might also check out Positive Intelligence, which breaks down the many ways we get in our own way into 10 “saboteurs.” You’d likely fall into the Avoider saboteur (like me) — highly value and good at creating harmony and shy away from conflict and anything that feels otherwise threatening (like doing a hard task even sometimes!). Just google it to learn more – there’s a free quiz on the positive intelligence site if this resonates for you.
Hearing the intention of bringing kindness brought a sense of warmth, like a loving unconditional hug and invitation to just be who I am right now in this moment. I felt warm, lovable and tears released gently like a relaxing slipping of a wave along the beach slope. Thank you for this reminder and guided approach during this difficult time. The isolation and solitude are bringing me some gifts and some challenges in being with myself so much more. Lauren
I am a caregiver for my sister who has Alzheimer’s. I have had the privilege of taking MBDC (Mindfulness Based Dementia Care) and it has saved my life! I practice loving kindness and Mindfulness meditation and need to keep learning. Thank you for your wise teachings, I look forward to continuing to be my true self, it is a continuous adventure. I felt lighter after listening to your guided meditation. Thank you!
The fear I had lifted but then I became worried with thoughts of “is the goal to let the fear go or to go deeper into it and understand its source?” I don’t know but it feels like a persistent need to tame myself or transform myself like what’s happening right now isn’t enough. So I guess I’m not at a place of acceptance yet. I’m still poking and prodding and trying to get it “right.” Exhausting but true.
I am working on being okay with my difficult emotions. So when I heard, “Be with whatever is happening WITH KINDNESS” I at first felt annoyed that I’m being directed to feel kindness. What if I’m not feeling kindness, dammit?! But then I realized that if I can feel kindness toward myself about NOT feeling kindness, that’s key. It’s OKAY to not feel okay. Necessary even, I think. But it can feel like a bit of a contradiction in practice if I’m not careful.
As always, thank you Tara. It took me until I was in my 40s before I realised the viciousness of my inner critic. Your book ‘Radical Acceptance’ was a milestone on my journey – it was a significant signpost. When the old feelings come I still want to run away – and I still isolate a great deal, but not so much, I can be alone and have learned to love myself. Thank you for your teachings and compassion. Diolch (Welsh) xxxxxxxxxx.
When I offer kindness to a difficult situation in the process of meditation, I soften, there is a sense of warmth. The present moment message is, it’s not that important, it will be ok. The awful thought may come again, I even might feel angry but when I offer kindness once again….a comfort comes, an ease comes, love enters the space. There is a shift in perspective and recognition that these are only thoughts, this does not define me, this is not who I am, then I feel at peace again.
I am recognizing that I have a strong dislike for myself and a lot of regret about my life – I have been living the way I thought my mom/dad wanted me to live and it is not the way I would choose for myself – but I did not know I was doing this until recently.
I am struck how self-judgment can still sneak in after decades of self-compassion work. The key for me is to stay close to my heart and check in throughout the day. “How am I? What do I need? What do I most need to hear right now?” Most days I am lucky if I ask that once! I need more ?
More love for myself, tolerance, compassion, and I also wonder if my older self has more insight, maturity now to be able to extend that kindness to my younger self when I did not know the wisdom of lived experience that was to come as a child, teen, or young adult trying to find my self.
I also felt that sadness of not being my own best friend. When I asked how I can meet myself with kindness and compassion, I had a feeling of “all is well”. Thank you!
I started to cry
I felt love and relief.
Thank you so much
Thank you!
My trance circles around tasks and completing them “well” and naturally my fear and self-doubt grew when we were asked to look at these two steps. However, being my own best friend stuck out through this fear, and my first step and where I remain know moments after the video, is that its ok. The fear and me being fearful is ok. I can work on more from here. 🙂
I felt teary and grateful as well! Thank you!
I felt blocked, a stuckness. Distrust. And a longing to break through
Tears, but then a little lighter heart
Thank you for this simple exercise it was quite powerful. I felt a sense of loving compassion for myself. Almost like the adult version of me stepping in to care for a younger version who has a strong inner critic.Looking forward to the next video and I signed up for the cool text alert feature!
Tears, but a little lighter heart.
I, who am 74 and have developed major health issues, and who has been pretty independent in my life, am struggling with my dependence on others especially with an old bachelor friend who helps me out a lot, I get annoyed and often snap at him and then feel badly. Bringing kindness to this I am hoping will help me feel less trapped and less badly and as I work on this I hope less reaction.
When I bring kindness to myself I become my best friend which allows me to feel free and this freedom let’s my creativity flow and opens up strong currents of compassion for my family, friends, and clients who depend upon my curiosity and openness to help heal them on their journey.
My heart softened…I felt love…thank you, Tara.
I am aware of a general angst – feeling unworthy b/c dissertation is taking so long, fearful that I really cannot do this. Fearful that I have irreconcilably derailed my career/life path (lost a tenure line position this summer when academic program was eliminated from my university). One result is loss of income, and associated loss of worthiness because I am not earning money and contributing to household. Fearful about the limited time I have left to realize my potential/dreams.
In service, there is meaning.
I broke down crying because I just wanted to run and hide forever. I struggle with accepting my mediocre self.
I felt a sense of softness and love for myself. Thank you.
A feeling that I didn’t deserve the kindness, rejection and resistance.
Thank you!
When I handle my woundedness with kindness and self compassion, I become proactive, able to observe my situation without becoming the situation, a new space opens up in which I am not critical or punitive with myself and I don’t act like a victim. When I come from kindness and self-compassion I am able to nurture myself and look for solutions that can help me address the situation.
I was able to give myself permission to say no, to focus on where I could take action and let that be enough. I could see where I was letting perfection be the enemy of the good. I cried for myself in not being able to see past other people’s judgments.
This was an extraordinary video. I transcribed every word. I have done a little reading on radical acceptance and it seemed like a far-off, abstract concept. I now see where Dr Brach is leading with a journey that starts with a path to self-kindness and self-compassion. I recently took Kristin Neff and Christopher Germer’s 12-hour, multi-day workshop on the Core Skills for Mindful Self-Compassion, which I would highly recommend. As a licensed clinical social worker and a person who has struggled with self-doubt, fear of failure, perfectionism, and the resulting self-loathing that generates, Dr Brach’s teachings speak deeply to those issues. For both my clients and myself, I realize how important self-compassion is to self-healing, and to feeling like you have a right to live in this world as a confident, caring, and sensitive individual who is true to yourself and the life you envision. What a gift to clients and yourself.
I noticed how regularly I go into harshly judging myself, and putting myself down. But it’s so subtle, and the stories I tell myself are so convincing, that I hardly notice it’s “me,” criticizing myself. It also effects how I perceive what others are saying to me. It’s like I move through my life wearing an “I know I’m not ok, and I have to fix myself “ filter, more often than I realize.
I also felt sadness and a softening toward myself as I listened to this video. Thank you, Tara. And I find it really healing to read these comments. There’s so much courage amd insight, here.
blessings to all, Marcy
Beautifully done. Bringing kindness to what I’m experiencing made me feel more resilient and capable in this moment to do what I need to do.
When you shared your personal experience (and thank you for that), I completely related to that harshness with which I judge myself. This brought a rush of sadness. However, when I paused for your guided contemplation, I felt a sense of peace. It felt good to stop and question that tape in my head that constantly criticizes.
I love the steps of awareness and compassion. I decided while doing this exercise to start calling myself “My Love” instead of “hey you” or “worry wart”. And I felt a wave of calmness flow in me. What a wonderful gift to have and share!
Thanks so much Tara!
What a sweet suggestion!
I felt an ease, a light feeling in my chest. A softness. I was beautifull?? Thank you
Brought me to tears……My daughter just had her first baby and he is in the NICU. She had to go home without him and is engorged with breast milk and no baby to nurse. She was crying and so distraught. My heart goes out to her but I cannot fix her problem…..I feel inadequate as a mother. I am anxious and worried and my blood pressure is up today. What to do??
Great start on your 3-part video
Have you read “Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice” (2002) Firestone et al from New Harbinger?
Good journaling exercises there for identifying and challenging the inner critic
I have been struggling with self compassion my whole life, similarly by practicing it gets better, however periodically I slip to self-hatred. I noticed that other life events have enormous influence on how I feel about myself, in particular work stress. I have been using mindfulness to look inwards for years now and every time I get a sense of relief! When I practiced this, it’s like my practice put things in perspective and fortunately after some time I find a way not only to adjust my attitude but also my circumstances. I often think about living as my authentic self and every time I act impulsive over reactive I use breathing/ mindfulness or grounding to center me and dedicate myself to repair The damage or show up more authentically.
There was resistance to give myself permission to let go of the outter world and go inward. When I did get to release into the inner world, there was exhaustion, confusion, fear and self judgement about how I’m living my life versus how I want to live my life. It is a reminder that this work is a life long practice and not formulaic.
Good afternoon,my name is Chris and i love this video,i will use all techniques you talked about especially mindfulness. Thanks
?for this generous offering. As I age, turning 69, experience, learning and mostly the past decade of mindfulness/mindfulness meditation practice I notice an increased capacity to be with whatever arises in myself – all the regrets, heartaches and challenges (ditto your personal story – parallels mine)+, and also the acceptance of the randomness and impermanence of this human reality. This realization serves to inspire growing resilience and compassion for others. Less judgement along with “wiser” discernment seems to be of benefit to me and hopefully all whom I relate with. Bell, breath….
I realized I need to see me as God sees me. I am worthy. I need to be kind to me. Generous to me.
I got this from a friend. Can you forward next two talks to me at admin@hiringhands.ca? Would be greatly appreciated. Laurel Mattison
I think I can foster compassion for myself much of the time when I am alone. My problem comes when I interact with other people. I tend to avoid any kind of conflict so I shrink away from many encounters with others and that makes me feel lonely and isolated.
I can relate to this! You might also check out Positive Intelligence, which breaks down the many ways we get in our own way into 10 “saboteurs.” You’d likely fall into the Avoider saboteur (like me) — highly value and good at creating harmony and shy away from conflict and anything that feels otherwise threatening (like doing a hard task even sometimes!). Just google it to learn more – there’s a free quiz on the positive intelligence site if this resonates for you.
Thank you Wendy…I’ll check it out.
I felt ok, but thought of my daughter who doesn’t feel good about herself and that made me very sad
Hearing the intention of bringing kindness brought a sense of warmth, like a loving unconditional hug and invitation to just be who I am right now in this moment. I felt warm, lovable and tears released gently like a relaxing slipping of a wave along the beach slope. Thank you for this reminder and guided approach during this difficult time. The isolation and solitude are bringing me some gifts and some challenges in being with myself so much more. Lauren
I am a caregiver for my sister who has Alzheimer’s. I have had the privilege of taking MBDC (Mindfulness Based Dementia Care) and it has saved my life! I practice loving kindness and Mindfulness meditation and need to keep learning. Thank you for your wise teachings, I look forward to continuing to be my true self, it is a continuous adventure. I felt lighter after listening to your guided meditation. Thank you!
The fear I had lifted but then I became worried with thoughts of “is the goal to let the fear go or to go deeper into it and understand its source?” I don’t know but it feels like a persistent need to tame myself or transform myself like what’s happening right now isn’t enough. So I guess I’m not at a place of acceptance yet. I’m still poking and prodding and trying to get it “right.” Exhausting but true.
While being kind to myself I felt calm and relief.
Very kind and generous of you to share these videos.
Blessings, Janice
There was surprise ,then a softening and an easing of my breathing ,a freeing .Thank you Tara ,Eileen
I started crying immediately, realizing how hard I was fighting against that. I felt deep sadness and vulnerability that is with me most of the time.
I am working on being okay with my difficult emotions. So when I heard, “Be with whatever is happening WITH KINDNESS” I at first felt annoyed that I’m being directed to feel kindness. What if I’m not feeling kindness, dammit?! But then I realized that if I can feel kindness toward myself about NOT feeling kindness, that’s key. It’s OKAY to not feel okay. Necessary even, I think. But it can feel like a bit of a contradiction in practice if I’m not careful.
It helped me a lot to love myself more.
I comforted myself bringing peace and friendship with myself.
As always, thank you Tara. It took me until I was in my 40s before I realised the viciousness of my inner critic. Your book ‘Radical Acceptance’ was a milestone on my journey – it was a significant signpost. When the old feelings come I still want to run away – and I still isolate a great deal, but not so much, I can be alone and have learned to love myself. Thank you for your teachings and compassion. Diolch (Welsh) xxxxxxxxxx.
When I offer kindness to a difficult situation in the process of meditation, I soften, there is a sense of warmth. The present moment message is, it’s not that important, it will be ok. The awful thought may come again, I even might feel angry but when I offer kindness once again….a comfort comes, an ease comes, love enters the space. There is a shift in perspective and recognition that these are only thoughts, this does not define me, this is not who I am, then I feel at peace again.
I am recognizing that I have a strong dislike for myself and a lot of regret about my life – I have been living the way I thought my mom/dad wanted me to live and it is not the way I would choose for myself – but I did not know I was doing this until recently.
I am struck how self-judgment can still sneak in after decades of self-compassion work. The key for me is to stay close to my heart and check in throughout the day. “How am I? What do I need? What do I most need to hear right now?” Most days I am lucky if I ask that once! I need more ?
More love for myself, tolerance, compassion, and I also wonder if my older self has more insight, maturity now to be able to extend that kindness to my younger self when I did not know the wisdom of lived experience that was to come as a child, teen, or young adult trying to find my self.
I love being kind to myself.
I got a sense of hope.