Thank you so much for sharing your own experience with yourself. I can relate to this my whole life. I’m 42 now but ever since I was a child I heard comments from others in my life even my parents and brother and my close friends, I was different, wierd, and something is wrong with me. I’ve spent years feeling self hatred and have suffered from anxiety, depression, eating disorders, OCD and recently was diagnosed with learning disabilities and ADHD. I tried traditional medicine therapy, behavioral CBT therapy and a little mindfulness and DBT but still am struggling. Just now when I sat with you in stillness I still felt anxious and not right however I didn’t feel alone. Im ashamed that I feel this way but I’m hopeful to try something different to help.
I noticed that I had been focusing on a bodily sensation that I was worried about and then once I directed my attention there and instructed myself to provide care of feeling of gratitude irrupt it. All of these things are just right there on the surface and I’m grateful for This kind of information and open mindedness that can exist. So much more to say but that’s all for now
I’m very relaxed this morning so I had a mild feeling when I touched into my sense of unworthiness. Sending compassion also felt “muted”. I’ve been practicing those two things for quite awhile now so that’s one reason I think that I didn’t experience anything very strongly. And the other is that I haven’t been “triggered” in the last day or two.
Dear Tara, I’ve been without a long-time companion for 20 years: I’m 62. I could not say that I can live alone and without a companion for the rest of my life; I can only say ‘for today I’m okay with it.’ But it hurts. I’m in 12-step recovery and that helps. I cling to YouTube videos – yours and others to help me on a daily basis. Have been for years. So thank you for all your hard work and for sharing it so freely with people like me. I’d be lost without it.
I felt unsure, and doubtful of my success. I also felt guilt and shame that seem to be impediments to my success. Quite a circular process of self-suffering.
Awareness that it is possible to be kind to myself instead of judging… immediately followed by judgement and regret I haven’t come to this earlier in life
Walter Bowles, Social Work, Los Angeles , CA, USAsays
I noticed that the part that is trying to guarantee future security is insecure and feeling alone in creating safety- so I comforted it and helped it see that I’ve always been taken care of and always will be and identified my many healthy loving relationships including the part of my self that is doing this work.
Pepita Soto, Supervisor, Ridgefield Park , NJ, USAsays
I feel that I am both personally responsible for my feelings if unworthiness and that others – important in my life – have contributed to those feelings through their neglect, emotional distance, and lack of compassion and caring. And I’m always asking what did I do to deserve this?
Bringing kindness allowed me to have the feelings, and to explore why I was feeling this way. I was able to self-validate, keeping my inner light lit, rather than dimming because another has chosen silence.
Beneath the pain and grief I felt right away in my heart and the trepidation I felt in my belly, I quickly found my way to a very real, deep, enduring fear of inadequacy.
Ginger Jenkins, Another Field, Anchorage , AK, USAsays
I am struggling because the dogs whom I care for are all getting kennel cough. I want to be able to control it and feel so responsible for them getting ill. But even when I have done all the right things another dog comes down with it. My heart breaks. Why does my learning have to impact these sweet pups. My customers believe in me and keep coming back but I don’t. I am trying to bring kindness. But I keep feeling horrible
Others judge being true to yourself and selfishness. Being true to yourself I believe offers so much more of the real you to be visible and in so doing is the ability to feel the joy of your life.
In healing, I have come to another part of self-loathing.
When asked “can I be with this in kindness?” There was an angry part, a defensive part and a curious part!
I’m trying not to get enmeshed, but to be with these in kindness.
I love listening to you, Tara!
Susan
As a life long first responder and now energy practitioner it has been a challenge to practice self care because sometimes it feels selfish but I know it is a must for
the mind ,body and spirit wellness .
Dear Tara, Thank you for again a beautiful video. I realised during the video that for me it’s an art to be mindful and aware during the low periods themselves! I often reflect after a low period of feeling boxed in, depressed etc. and it’s like I’m not able to reflect on the moment itself. Instead I rather ‘hide’ (tv, books, eating chocolate for example).
Looking forward to your next video!
Warm regards, Aleida
Thank you, I feel touched by your story. I think it has been a long journey to unlearn the false condemnments of myself of who I am. I know it has been a part of my survivalsystem to be strongly judgemental and comparing myself to the rules of right behaviour.
Now I’m a 70 years old woman with four married daughters and seven grandchildren. I wish to be true to myself and others and treat myself and others with kindness. I want to be an emphatic human being.❤️??
I was experiencing anger that I couldn’t judge myself and that I wasn’t being kind and isn’t not adding judgement being judgemental about being judgemental. Basically I felt protective over my own judging. That I felt all wrong for being like this even though I know what you say all makes sense.
I could be with the anger that came up listening to this. When I tried to offer myself kindness, myself wanted to reject it. I think it was because I felt ‘wrong’ to feel angry at the video as you are Tara Brach and I felt unworthy and I felt shame and I felt ‘wrong’ that I had the wrong feelings and thoughts and wasn’t good enough so I couldn’t be kind to myself because I felt what I was feeling wasn’t right and so yes I was judging myself and thats wrong swell so yes I get it the trance of unworthiness I am in it.
I think this video is very useful for me for what it brings up. What to do with it all I don’t know. I will watch the next ones.
Thank-you for sharing yourself and your bravery to get your own suffering and to meet others
I would love to know what you think about my reaction
I am hoping my adult daughter who has multiple chronic diseases including debilitating depression will listen to your kind, loving words and something will resonate with her enough to motivate her to take step one; self compassion and self love. Thank you Tara for making these videos available to all.
It was difficult. I hugged myself, I felt kindness for seconds but could not seem to maintain it. Back to the old disappointment with my irritability and judgement of myself and others.
Even though I practise mindfulness and meditation regularly and consider myself to be on a spiritual path, I still felt that my truth would not be heard, that the love and compassion I wish to give to the world would never get through. I know that this is a pattern from childhood and probably from past lives. I have written a book about my experiences of toxic relationships and the miraculous experiences which helped me to heal, yet despite years of work I still doubted that anyone would hear the message of compassion I so want to give. I listened with love to my inner voice and knew it was the voice of a sad and wounded child. She is precious and I wanted to hear and comfort her first so others could also hear her message.
I am experiencing a feeling of dissatisfaction and disappointment with myself. My gut is anxious and upset. I tried to bring kindness to mind, to wrap myself in a loving embrace. I stepped outside to breathe in the morning air, and…as I write, I am feeling less disdain for myself, dare I say hopeful.
Thank you so much for sharing your own experience with yourself. I can relate to this my whole life. I’m 42 now but ever since I was a child I heard comments from others in my life even my parents and brother and my close friends, I was different, wierd, and something is wrong with me. I’ve spent years feeling self hatred and have suffered from anxiety, depression, eating disorders, OCD and recently was diagnosed with learning disabilities and ADHD. I tried traditional medicine therapy, behavioral CBT therapy and a little mindfulness and DBT but still am struggling. Just now when I sat with you in stillness I still felt anxious and not right however I didn’t feel alone. Im ashamed that I feel this way but I’m hopeful to try something different to help.
my heart openned and my breath was calming and soothing the pain
I noticed that I had been focusing on a bodily sensation that I was worried about and then once I directed my attention there and instructed myself to provide care of feeling of gratitude irrupt it. All of these things are just right there on the surface and I’m grateful for This kind of information and open mindedness that can exist. So much more to say but that’s all for now
I’m very relaxed this morning so I had a mild feeling when I touched into my sense of unworthiness. Sending compassion also felt “muted”. I’ve been practicing those two things for quite awhile now so that’s one reason I think that I didn’t experience anything very strongly. And the other is that I haven’t been “triggered” in the last day or two.
Space and softening. Thank you as always Tara.
Dear Tara, I’ve been without a long-time companion for 20 years: I’m 62. I could not say that I can live alone and without a companion for the rest of my life; I can only say ‘for today I’m okay with it.’ But it hurts. I’m in 12-step recovery and that helps. I cling to YouTube videos – yours and others to help me on a daily basis. Have been for years. So thank you for all your hard work and for sharing it so freely with people like me. I’d be lost without it.
I felt calm and safe.
Peacefulness, warmness, acceptance. Thank you!
I felt unsure, and doubtful of my success. I also felt guilt and shame that seem to be impediments to my success. Quite a circular process of self-suffering.
Awareness that it is possible to be kind to myself instead of judging… immediately followed by judgement and regret I haven’t come to this earlier in life
I believe that self-compassion will help us through the trouble in our lives.
I relaxed inside and remembered this is how I want to feel.
What I felt as hopeless and unchangeable and impossible seems less the case; that somehow it’s not the final, not something for me to take control
Sadness that I am always so scared
I felt deep sadness and a desire to mourn.
I noticed that the part that is trying to guarantee future security is insecure and feeling alone in creating safety- so I comforted it and helped it see that I’ve always been taken care of and always will be and identified my many healthy loving relationships including the part of my self that is doing this work.
I don’t know how to bring the kindness? How do you do that in practical terms other than saying “Don’t beat yourself up over this?”
I felt some peace and hope.
I feel that I am both personally responsible for my feelings if unworthiness and that others – important in my life – have contributed to those feelings through their neglect, emotional distance, and lack of compassion and caring. And I’m always asking what did I do to deserve this?
Bringing kindness allowed me to have the feelings, and to explore why I was feeling this way. I was able to self-validate, keeping my inner light lit, rather than dimming because another has chosen silence.
Beneath the pain and grief I felt right away in my heart and the trepidation I felt in my belly, I quickly found my way to a very real, deep, enduring fear of inadequacy.
I felt sadness. I’m struggling with depression and chronic pain, I also felt hope and inner peace.
I am struggling because the dogs whom I care for are all getting kennel cough. I want to be able to control it and feel so responsible for them getting ill. But even when I have done all the right things another dog comes down with it. My heart breaks. Why does my learning have to impact these sweet pups. My customers believe in me and keep coming back but I don’t. I am trying to bring kindness. But I keep feeling horrible
Softening, calming, opening, more peaceful and present.
Peace and self acceptance.
I found it difficult to be kind to myself..I don’t know how
A softening, just like you said. want to keep this. thank you so much. am on the way, have a clue…
This is a pretty remarkable coincidence. I was just talking with a friend yesterday about feelings of unworthiness. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
I didn’t feel lonely anymore.
Beautiful practice. I felt silence and ease in this short meditation and it was a gift to be with those pleasant sensations in kindness. ??
Others judge being true to yourself and selfishness. Being true to yourself I believe offers so much more of the real you to be visible and in so doing is the ability to feel the joy of your life.
In healing, I have come to another part of self-loathing.
When asked “can I be with this in kindness?” There was an angry part, a defensive part and a curious part!
I’m trying not to get enmeshed, but to be with these in kindness.
I love listening to you, Tara!
Susan
As a life long first responder and now energy practitioner it has been a challenge to practice self care because sometimes it feels selfish but I know it is a must for
the mind ,body and spirit wellness .
I softened towards myself and felt release. I acknowledged it’s okay.
Dear Tara, Thank you for again a beautiful video. I realised during the video that for me it’s an art to be mindful and aware during the low periods themselves! I often reflect after a low period of feeling boxed in, depressed etc. and it’s like I’m not able to reflect on the moment itself. Instead I rather ‘hide’ (tv, books, eating chocolate for example).
Looking forward to your next video!
Warm regards, Aleida
There was a resistance to showing kindness.
A lot of turbulent emotions, frustration, sorrow, resentment. The kindness helped a little
It feels good but the feelings of shame seems to be stronger
I disconnected and couldn’t focus
I felt my body start to relax and tension release a little and found warmer thoughts arising
I am not in the mindset of self-kindness and need continued practice with this. My hope is that it will affect me and become a positive habit.
I got a glimpse of being able to be my own best friend – to be kind to myself even if no-one else is.
Thank you, I feel touched by your story. I think it has been a long journey to unlearn the false condemnments of myself of who I am. I know it has been a part of my survivalsystem to be strongly judgemental and comparing myself to the rules of right behaviour.
Now I’m a 70 years old woman with four married daughters and seven grandchildren. I wish to be true to myself and others and treat myself and others with kindness. I want to be an emphatic human being.❤️??
It felt like a good friend was right here with me….finally
I was experiencing anger that I couldn’t judge myself and that I wasn’t being kind and isn’t not adding judgement being judgemental about being judgemental. Basically I felt protective over my own judging. That I felt all wrong for being like this even though I know what you say all makes sense.
I could be with the anger that came up listening to this. When I tried to offer myself kindness, myself wanted to reject it. I think it was because I felt ‘wrong’ to feel angry at the video as you are Tara Brach and I felt unworthy and I felt shame and I felt ‘wrong’ that I had the wrong feelings and thoughts and wasn’t good enough so I couldn’t be kind to myself because I felt what I was feeling wasn’t right and so yes I was judging myself and thats wrong swell so yes I get it the trance of unworthiness I am in it.
I think this video is very useful for me for what it brings up. What to do with it all I don’t know. I will watch the next ones.
Thank-you for sharing yourself and your bravery to get your own suffering and to meet others
I would love to know what you think about my reaction
I am hoping my adult daughter who has multiple chronic diseases including debilitating depression will listen to your kind, loving words and something will resonate with her enough to motivate her to take step one; self compassion and self love. Thank you Tara for making these videos available to all.
It was difficult. I hugged myself, I felt kindness for seconds but could not seem to maintain it. Back to the old disappointment with my irritability and judgement of myself and others.
Even though I practise mindfulness and meditation regularly and consider myself to be on a spiritual path, I still felt that my truth would not be heard, that the love and compassion I wish to give to the world would never get through. I know that this is a pattern from childhood and probably from past lives. I have written a book about my experiences of toxic relationships and the miraculous experiences which helped me to heal, yet despite years of work I still doubted that anyone would hear the message of compassion I so want to give. I listened with love to my inner voice and knew it was the voice of a sad and wounded child. She is precious and I wanted to hear and comfort her first so others could also hear her message.
I am experiencing a feeling of dissatisfaction and disappointment with myself. My gut is anxious and upset. I tried to bring kindness to mind, to wrap myself in a loving embrace. I stepped outside to breathe in the morning air, and…as I write, I am feeling less disdain for myself, dare I say hopeful.
I felt a kindness and calmness toward myself. I felt free from the tension and anxiety that usually defines me.