Mama Kell, Another Field, Cumberland , RI, USAsays
I feel nauseous. I can never remember to put time or effort into being kind to myself. Everybody in the family always come first. Every time I can sit down and recollect myself, I’m already exhausted, anxious and isolated myself from everything.
I do not trust myself fully yet, I use the kind words, I feel better when I say them to myself, but what about next day…? I will remember to be kind to myself, but how I will feel truly? yet to be experienced…
I connected with a sense of inadequacy and frustration and when I brought kindness in, I began to cry. I have been so hard on myself. I truly don’t deserve my harshness towards myself
I felt badly for myself. I know that I am too hard on myself, but am stuff in this pattern of self-loathing and constantly comparing myself and my life negatively to others.
I felt I am not alone and, though I am not longer young, I want to use my time to become my best friend and abandon the severe judge that too often hurts me.
I asked myself whats happening? and can I be with this in kindness?
Immediately my heart softened & love flowed into my heart, I felt my eyes well up even though they were closed. I listened to this video several times.
thank you
I was reminded that I was a caring person. I shifted out of feeling lack of control, to that of understanding where the need for control was coming from – a caring, nurturing place. I could feel the heaviness in my chest shift into something more manageable.
I felt hope for the better; an opening of a door, a step in a new direction or focus of my attention to a better place of being, choose kindness. It reminded me of the mantra: My heart is as light as a feather!
Compassion and appreciation during this past Covid year…not being so critical but appreciative on this one year anniversary…remembering all we have been through and being kind to myself on that journey.
I’ve never been kind to myself. In all honesty, I don’t know how to begin and I am approaching my 70th birthday! Abuse as a child has led to actions and decisions for which I’ve taken responsibility and made amends however, the piles of accumulated evidence of being flawed never erodes. There’s an old joke about the guy who asked a salesperson at the bookstore where he could find the book “How to be your own best friend”. The salesperson looked the guy up and down and said “That book’s not for you”. I used to howl at that joke but now it saddens and somehow frightens me.
I was hearing that I was broken; I kept asking myself why can’t I see all of the good in me and my life? Why can’t I see how supported and loved I am? So no I couldn’t just be with it; I was judging it.
I asked my partner “what happened for you?” Since we listened and asked while we were together. She replied, “Ummm, Nothing?” I loved that response, she often spends time processing before having a response. I strive at times to be more deliberate and reasoned in my responses. Mindfulness Mediation is helping me do that.
And me? What happened for me? Earlier today, I’d experienced a cacophony of pain in my body. What came up was the momentary frustration with the pain and the resolve to push through the pain. The questions triggered that memory and I asked myself, could I pause and be with the pain, what would happen? And so next stab of pain, I’ll make the effort to pause and go to the pain with curiosity and compassion.
Acceptance that I feel this way, instead of telling myself I shouldn’t be ‘obsessing’ or re-running the same thoughts that bring up the same feelings. Spending some time with those feelings, listening to them and giving them space instead of trying to justify them with more thoughts. It feels healing to come back to that space – it’s been hard to remain connected to my feelings as I’m struggling to reconcile a close relationship and a lot of self-criticism comes up about the way I’m dealing with it.
I can identify with your feelings. I’ve spent the last lockdown year since the sudden unexpected ending of a long relationship feeling and having doubts about my self worth. Still have low difficult days, but slowly rebuilding myself. Sending love and best wishes to you .
Is that unworthiness all from past conditioning.
Negative things people said or did to you that made you feel unworthy and undeserving ?.
Most that are unconscious in that you don’t remember now what it was in the past that made you feel that way ( bad)about yourself so all that is left is a feeling/ thought. Have you adopted the ideas society has of “success” and failure? These are all wrong thoughts as the only success there is is in this moment how present( free from the conditioned mind)you are NOW.
Ultimately it is the ego that is an illusion, that is inauthentic , unworthy and will never be good enough.
The disconnection from your Being that is your true Self that is worthy, deserving, authentic and is Love itself.
So going inside and finding your true Self (that is Love )is the solution to not feeling self love. The ego( conditioned self made up of the past ) is the trance of unworthiness.
Kindness to myself? So much self judgement all the time, but some reflection of self kindness made me realise how harsh I am on myself and I take the judgement of others of me as more important than my own nurturing. Thank you for this thought of giving to myself.
Having completed Tara’s MMTCP course, it has been easier for me to bring kindness to situations. One of the major tricks or issues or abilities is the ability to NOT judge in any situation. This has been a challenge. The good news is that if one focuses his or her attention on not judging it slowly occurs. One of the first steps is ‘catching’ yourself in the act of being judgmental. If you can catch yourself before you act and judge, then you are on your way to not judging. I now catch myself before I actually judge, and say “stop judging or don’t judge.” It works and it helps.
I observed the almost constant deflections the mind would make suggesting things that there were many things to attend to. I want a chocolate. I have to eat before that webinar, maybe I should use the washroom …. anything but stay and feel it accept it. I did find a few moments of relaxation toward the end. Shoulders actually began to relax. Thank you for allowing this sharing. Most hopeful……
It brought up the why – again.
The experience of rejection from an early age, the trying to unsuccessfully please and the empty void of needing to live and be loved. I can logic the need for self compassion. Go through the physical care. Nurturing but when I don’t receive acceptance and enough welcoming from others I go into defensive isolation mode. Habits of a life time. At 68 they are far too entrenched but I still try and am so grateful for your presence in my life.
Thank you
I have closed in for protection from the judgement and dismissiveness of others. I feel more at peace in my small space. As I brought kindness to this situation I began to feel the “Good Mother’s” unconditional arms about me. My desire to stay so secluded began to open up and I felt a new natural courage to move out from there seeing the world with new eyes of kindness to others (always with my place of retreat – my sanctuary being available). This new courage comes from the loving kindness of the “Good Mother” energy and will be my touchstone from here on forward.
Thanks for this reminder to be with myself.
I found myself tearing up as I came back feeling my own physicality. I felt a little hungry, a bit tired and a bit sad as I feel I’m still putting myself against… myself!
Thank you, Tara. I began seeing and feeling a painful, and deeply familiar, reaction of self aversion, bottomless criticism and anger, as a seed coat. It has been there to protect me, waiting until the seed is strong, nourished and ready to root. The second arrow has been making it wrong. Instead, I’ve been thanking it for its service, letting it know I’m ok, and it can fall away knowing its job is done. I do feel like a playacting little girl engaging this way, but that’s how it got there – a little girl recruiting help to feel safe. The relief and joy is palpable. The recruits, while still watchful, are so ready to lay down arms. Thank you for this mixed-metaphor, personal spring pageant of self compassion. Much love to you, and all.
I thought that i was annoyed, but when I found my feeling it was sadness.
I feel nauseous. I can never remember to put time or effort into being kind to myself. Everybody in the family always come first. Every time I can sit down and recollect myself, I’m already exhausted, anxious and isolated myself from everything.
When I brought compassion to my experience of being with myself, I discovered deep grief for loss and unfulfilled expectations.
I do not trust myself fully yet, I use the kind words, I feel better when I say them to myself, but what about next day…? I will remember to be kind to myself, but how I will feel truly? yet to be experienced…
softening
I connected with a sense of inadequacy and frustration and when I brought kindness in, I began to cry. I have been so hard on myself. I truly don’t deserve my harshness towards myself
I felt stuck. I dont know how to be kind to myself without being judged by others. Guilt!
I experienced energy at the back of my neck! Thank you for the opportunity to be with you and others today.
I felt badly for myself. I know that I am too hard on myself, but am stuff in this pattern of self-loathing and constantly comparing myself and my life negatively to others.
Thank you Tara, very interesting. When I brought kindness to bear, I felt an immediate “softening” of feelings toward myself.
tenderness.
I felt I am not alone and, though I am not longer young, I want to use my time to become my best friend and abandon the severe judge that too often hurts me.
Felt an understanding about myself
I asked myself whats happening? and can I be with this in kindness?
Immediately my heart softened & love flowed into my heart, I felt my eyes well up even though they were closed. I listened to this video several times.
thank you
I was really difficult. However I felt a weight lift and relief from the anxiety.
I felt safe hatred, fear and sadness
I was reminded that I was a caring person. I shifted out of feeling lack of control, to that of understanding where the need for control was coming from – a caring, nurturing place. I could feel the heaviness in my chest shift into something more manageable.
Forgiveness
I felt resistance.
I felt hope for the better; an opening of a door, a step in a new direction or focus of my attention to a better place of being, choose kindness. It reminded me of the mantra: My heart is as light as a feather!
Softening
Compassion and appreciation during this past Covid year…not being so critical but appreciative on this one year anniversary…remembering all we have been through and being kind to myself on that journey.
Often this sort of exercise makes me feel tearful. It allows me to sink into the sadness.
I’ve never been kind to myself. In all honesty, I don’t know how to begin and I am approaching my 70th birthday! Abuse as a child has led to actions and decisions for which I’ve taken responsibility and made amends however, the piles of accumulated evidence of being flawed never erodes. There’s an old joke about the guy who asked a salesperson at the bookstore where he could find the book “How to be your own best friend”. The salesperson looked the guy up and down and said “That book’s not for you”. I used to howl at that joke but now it saddens and somehow frightens me.
I was hearing that I was broken; I kept asking myself why can’t I see all of the good in me and my life? Why can’t I see how supported and loved I am? So no I couldn’t just be with it; I was judging it.
I felt for the first time maybe in my life kindness towards self. I went from depression to love
I felt reassured.
I asked my partner “what happened for you?” Since we listened and asked while we were together. She replied, “Ummm, Nothing?” I loved that response, she often spends time processing before having a response. I strive at times to be more deliberate and reasoned in my responses. Mindfulness Mediation is helping me do that.
And me? What happened for me? Earlier today, I’d experienced a cacophony of pain in my body. What came up was the momentary frustration with the pain and the resolve to push through the pain. The questions triggered that memory and I asked myself, could I pause and be with the pain, what would happen? And so next stab of pain, I’ll make the effort to pause and go to the pain with curiosity and compassion.
Acceptance that I feel this way, instead of telling myself I shouldn’t be ‘obsessing’ or re-running the same thoughts that bring up the same feelings. Spending some time with those feelings, listening to them and giving them space instead of trying to justify them with more thoughts. It feels healing to come back to that space – it’s been hard to remain connected to my feelings as I’m struggling to reconcile a close relationship and a lot of self-criticism comes up about the way I’m dealing with it.
Hi Heather,
I can identify with your feelings. I’ve spent the last lockdown year since the sudden unexpected ending of a long relationship feeling and having doubts about my self worth. Still have low difficult days, but slowly rebuilding myself. Sending love and best wishes to you .
I was aware of times I am not kind to myself.
It became objective rather than reactive. The “feeling” became something to hold in observation and therefore it hurt less, became less intense.
A voice came “I’m trying my best”
Is that unworthiness all from past conditioning.
Negative things people said or did to you that made you feel unworthy and undeserving ?.
Most that are unconscious in that you don’t remember now what it was in the past that made you feel that way ( bad)about yourself so all that is left is a feeling/ thought. Have you adopted the ideas society has of “success” and failure? These are all wrong thoughts as the only success there is is in this moment how present( free from the conditioned mind)you are NOW.
Ultimately it is the ego that is an illusion, that is inauthentic , unworthy and will never be good enough.
The disconnection from your Being that is your true Self that is worthy, deserving, authentic and is Love itself.
So going inside and finding your true Self (that is Love )is the solution to not feeling self love. The ego( conditioned self made up of the past ) is the trance of unworthiness.
Kindness to myself? So much self judgement all the time, but some reflection of self kindness made me realise how harsh I am on myself and I take the judgement of others of me as more important than my own nurturing. Thank you for this thought of giving to myself.
Having completed Tara’s MMTCP course, it has been easier for me to bring kindness to situations. One of the major tricks or issues or abilities is the ability to NOT judge in any situation. This has been a challenge. The good news is that if one focuses his or her attention on not judging it slowly occurs. One of the first steps is ‘catching’ yourself in the act of being judgmental. If you can catch yourself before you act and judge, then you are on your way to not judging. I now catch myself before I actually judge, and say “stop judging or don’t judge.” It works and it helps.
I observed the almost constant deflections the mind would make suggesting things that there were many things to attend to. I want a chocolate. I have to eat before that webinar, maybe I should use the washroom …. anything but stay and feel it accept it. I did find a few moments of relaxation toward the end. Shoulders actually began to relax. Thank you for allowing this sharing. Most hopeful……
It brought up the why – again.
The experience of rejection from an early age, the trying to unsuccessfully please and the empty void of needing to live and be loved. I can logic the need for self compassion. Go through the physical care. Nurturing but when I don’t receive acceptance and enough welcoming from others I go into defensive isolation mode. Habits of a life time. At 68 they are far too entrenched but I still try and am so grateful for your presence in my life.
Thank you
A warmth has spread in my stomach. Where there was a tension, there is lightness now. Thank you.
I started to feel relieved. And my breath got deeper
I felt grief at the question of can i be with this with kindness. Grief the I had never asked this question or been asked.
A sense of understanding and connection with a part of me that usually is suppressed, the fearful one.
I have closed in for protection from the judgement and dismissiveness of others. I feel more at peace in my small space. As I brought kindness to this situation I began to feel the “Good Mother’s” unconditional arms about me. My desire to stay so secluded began to open up and I felt a new natural courage to move out from there seeing the world with new eyes of kindness to others (always with my place of retreat – my sanctuary being available). This new courage comes from the loving kindness of the “Good Mother” energy and will be my touchstone from here on forward.
It allowed me to feel the feelings of hurt and vulnerable The leg in a trap analogy very helpful in regards to other’s behaviors.
Namaste
I started to cry.
A sense of quiet and peacefulness.
thank you
Thanks for this reminder to be with myself.
I found myself tearing up as I came back feeling my own physicality. I felt a little hungry, a bit tired and a bit sad as I feel I’m still putting myself against… myself!
“Love Me First” is an important inner work for me. Your guidance is timely, welcome, calming, and safe. Thank you.
Thank you, Tara. I began seeing and feeling a painful, and deeply familiar, reaction of self aversion, bottomless criticism and anger, as a seed coat. It has been there to protect me, waiting until the seed is strong, nourished and ready to root. The second arrow has been making it wrong. Instead, I’ve been thanking it for its service, letting it know I’m ok, and it can fall away knowing its job is done. I do feel like a playacting little girl engaging this way, but that’s how it got there – a little girl recruiting help to feel safe. The relief and joy is palpable. The recruits, while still watchful, are so ready to lay down arms. Thank you for this mixed-metaphor, personal spring pageant of self compassion. Much love to you, and all.
A sense of “its okay you know “with a decrease in sympathetic arousal