Living true to myself and what would I do to feel deserving of my gifts. Can I let go of the inner voice of criticism and shame of my childlike actions? I was a child but I don’t want remain in the destructive patterns thrown at me. Developing positive patterns seems impossible. Self destructive patterns are so ingrained.
My heart felt warm yet empty because I’m not accustomed to feeling compassion for myself. I felt like crying but also felt a glimpse of hope for a brighter future.
There was some judgment about not being perfect and wishing situation hadn’t happened, but at the same time, I was able to not bring a sledge hammer down on myself, just to realize that it was a difficult situation, and I had done the best I could at the moment. I didn’t get super depressed, which has happened plenty often in the past.
“Are you living true to yourself” what a question. And the idea of a “trance life” I had tears… of the truth that I am worth it and need to be compassionate to myself as I feel real feelings and make positive steps to take care of me because I am worth it.
It helped me soften the strong feelings of self judgement and made
me realize I am in control of my
thoughts and feelings and when I
am being hard on myself to remember instead of beating myself up and using all my energy
to do so, that I instead could lean into my feelings at the time and-show Myself more compassion.
I heard myself feeling bored, at loose ends after so much time in quarantine. My mind shifted and said to me, of course you are! This is normal, the times are abnormal. I breathed more calmly and felt more content, less agitated. Thank-you.
I felt the same gutwrenching terror and pain I have felt in these last three years: the belief I can’t do this, others can. It works for others, not me. I don’t deserve this, others do. And the terror of knowing how much grief is stuck inside me, and how it’s killing me that it’s blocked, even after years of recovery work. I feel like I’m going to Hell, and I feel guilty for feeling so negative. I feel the deep deep pain of how caught in my head I am. Years of spiritual programming, tangled and weaponized against me. I feel so far from Love, and so full of anger and resentment and I feel so much guilt about that; I feel terror and fear like I am going to Hell for not being more loving, positive, gentle, tender. There is so much pain inside, I feel like I am going to die. I’m too terrified to end my own life, but I feel so much gutwrenching confusion, hopelessness and futility to access healing, that I feel like the pressure of all the stuffed grief and rage inside me, and all my resentments, will kill me. It’s poison in the body. And when I see my own unworthiness, the thing that hurts the most, blood-curdling inner screams, is how that extreme unworthiness makes me feel jealousy, envy and resentment towards others. It’s Hellish. It makes me feel disdain towards others, when all I want is to feel tenderness and connection. It makes me feel even more flawed and ashamed. Sometimes, often, I am afraid to try exercises like this because I’m afraid they will confirm the horrible, Hellish truth about me: that I am evil. Also, I have been estranged from my parents for years now, as I “recover”… but I miss them and feel such ambivalence at the same time. I don’t want to betray myself and run home to them. But I am 42 and they are 80 and it’s killing me. In the Dark Night of the Soul, accessing Love, self-love, and compassion feels hopeless and futile, and I fear suicide if I push myself towards any kind of healing, and death if I don’t. I doubt my goodness and feel like I have only gotten further and further from my heart over the years. That’s what comes up for me. I hope in some way sharing this can resonate with someone and make them not feel so alone. Love, Tim
I was feeling tired and discouraged. Offering kindness to my feelings made me feel a little better. I have been beating myself up a lot lately and really need the help of this workshop. Thank you tara.
Wow! What a checkpoint in life! Grief and shame keep me from daring to live more bravely. Ever since my husband passed away, I have been living a quiet, almost hidden life beyond work. I realize that I believe that I do not have much to offer people. I spend quite a bit of time in the woods talking smack to my two dogs and any trees nearby, but that really isn’t enough. Hiding is safe, but it’s not my best life. Thank you for this challenge of love! Kindness to the moment opened a safe place for a wedge of honesty.
Wow that was a interesting. I found myself lost in your word, and feeling things that I haven’t felt before, found myself looking in the mirror and hating what I see.
Tenderness towards myself: loving kindness and the willingness to accept in that moment that us the best I can be; supporting my own intentions with kindness rather than judgment
At this moment when listening to your video Tara, I started to let go of painful thoughts which have had me today feeling sadened. I began feeling more relaxed and soothed. Thank you so much Tara!
My strong sense of not failing came up and how I have failed at so many things. The experience of kindness softened that sense of failure a little bit. Everyone makes mistakes sometimes.
This tape with Tara felt comforting,
enjoyed 2 wings of Awareness: mindfulness and compassion
appreciated self example of not being ok with self and
then practice of self-compassion
I feel grateful to have stumbled on this resource. The self-judgment Tara describes captures my own struggles. In the few moments of inner reflection I felt good, as I reflected on the hopeful possibility of an alternative to constant criticism.
Stanley Coleite, Another Field, Los Angeles, CA, USAsays
Thank you. I haven’t been able to come to terms with how much I have hurt myself through addiction. I have lost so much. I have gotten better being kind and compassionate to myself, but nothing changes the fact that at 70 years old I am broke AND grateful for Social Security and Medicare. I can’t seem to let go of this sadness I feel for notching my life up. I look forward to vids 2 and 3.
I felt the tightness in my neck and shoulders, chronic tightness that doesn’t relax. Asking can I feel this with compassion and kindness opened a door to feeling acceptance and caring instead of my usual feelings that I want to let it go, to make myself relax.
Thanks Tara!
Thank you for sharing this wisdom, I believe in being true to ourselves and living in alignment with our own authenticity. I listened to this and tried the 2 question mindfulness exercise right after eating a meal. I was distracted by the feeling of fullness and tried not to judge myself.
Dear Tara, thank you for your fist video. I’m a practitioner of mindfulness and sometimes self-compassion. I live in Hamburg (Germany) and started three years ago to discover mindfulness ans self-compassion as a way out of depression and anxiety by an Internet-Site from Dave Porter. This website was my first encounter with mindfulness.
Till this time I lived mostly “outside myself”, highly functional, disciplined, very successful in my working-live. But somehow I was deeply unhappy, fearful, to shy to speak up for myself and driven by the fear of rejection or judgment from others.With the help of Dave’s and your meditation practices I discovered a lot about myself. What the hell was going on inside me?
Even when I got a very good appraisal from others, I couldn’t really believe that this is true. I often thought they didn’t know me “really”..like I was a “fake-person”. I discovered a very strong “dictator” inside me always judging and pushing me to the next task, next big things to achieve, next adventure to experience and at the same time I felt so exhausted and alone. I was rare able to really connect to someone else on a deeper level and I couldn’t understand “WHY”?
I alway trusted only my strong inner guidance and very critical voice but “Who was this person inside me?”. I felt somehow apart and broken inwardly and my body started to struggle in an intense extend with different illnesses.
When I reached the bottom of my external power I started with a mindfulness course and later I added self compassion to my practice. Your video reminds me grateful on my group sessions with others, the relief to feel home and secure with myself for the first time. With time I discovered that a lot of my strange anxieties disappeared and thankfully didn’t show up again. Today I’m increasingly befriended with myself, my body and with the person, who I think I’m.. sorry for my English 🙂 Inwardly I could solve a lot of questions / blockades and this was the way out of depression and feelings of unworthiness. Sometimes they show up again but mostly I know that’s ok and how to handle my inner state of “disturbance or turbulence” with compassion and mindfulness. Thank you for your video .. it was a helpful reminder for me .. to take a break, stop doing, take a breath (or two, or three ..) and look inside only to observe and be with me (my best friend). Greets Jutta
I felt my intense sadness at how much pain I have caused my loved ones and I tried to be a friend to myself by saying everyone makes mistakes, you are not a bad person, but it barely helped.
I felt an inner sense of confusion when looking inward. I just embarked on a new journey, left a job and am starting my new work. but my future seems open-ended and anything could happen. The safety net is gone – and I don’t miss it – but it makes me feel confused at times about what is the next best step to take. I tend to get caught up in thoughts and analysing myself and my situation. When I brought kindness to that feeling, it started to dissolve. A brief tension in my chest came up like I wanted to cry – and I dropped a few tears. But they were tears of relief. Bringing kindness to our fears and suffering can truly change the game I think and I find it is beautiful how it works again and again and again – no matter how often we do it. The suffering comes again and again, and we get to meet it again and again with kindness. the more we do it, the better we get at it, or the faster it can happen. Thank you, Tara, for sharing this again 🙂
I’m feeling very anxious and judging myself right now. I feel very disappointed with myself because of choices I’ve made, and hurt by another person’s response. When I tried to feel kindness towards myself and what I was experiencing, I felt that I was suffering and in pain, and started to cry, and very briefly the anxiety and feelings of disappointment slightly eased.
I immediately relaxed and felt a smile on my face! I know how harsh and judgemental I can be about myself, but I recalled your words that you would never treat a friend how you treated yourself, so I gave myself a hug and, for a few minutes, loved myself unconditionally.
Thankyou for your inspiration
I have perfectionistic tendencies. Over the last several years, I have been working hard on being aware and letting go of those tendencies so that I can become more accepting of myself and more self compassionate. I am making progress!
I have perfectionistic tendencies. Over the last several years, I have been working hard on being aware and letting go of those tendencies so that I can become more accepting of myself and more self compassionate. I am making progress!
Deep down, on a emotional level, I believe that I don’t deserve anything good and I have to do it all. Care and look after others. So when I looked at caring for my self , a sense of relief
I placed my hands over my heart, closed my eyes and took slow relaxed breathes. I felt the tightness in my heart, the emotions I felt were anxiety, frustration and anger. When i brought my awareness to the experience the tightness and the emotions eased somewhat. I understand where my emotions come from and that’s okay. With time my anxiety, frustration and anger will dissolve. No pushing these feelings away I want to accept how I feel.
I felt a sense of ease with myself and understanding of myself. I recognized the self judgment as being unkind and unnecessary towards the experience and my internal response. I can be kind to myself by simply observing my thoughts with kindness and compassion.
Feelings of peace, kindness, and patience came over me. Also, a sense of hopefulness to realize I can change and be more kind and compassionate with myself especially so during tough times.
I started to feel less anxious when I thought about how alone I feel and how much I feel I need other people. I feel sad and am starting to cry but at the same time I feel less anxious.
Asking myself can I be with this, tuned me into the part of me that seems to always be there under the surface, always ready to judge…
Living true to myself and what would I do to feel deserving of my gifts. Can I let go of the inner voice of criticism and shame of my childlike actions? I was a child but I don’t want remain in the destructive patterns thrown at me. Developing positive patterns seems impossible. Self destructive patterns are so ingrained.
My heart felt warm yet empty because I’m not accustomed to feeling compassion for myself. I felt like crying but also felt a glimpse of hope for a brighter future.
There was some judgment about not being perfect and wishing situation hadn’t happened, but at the same time, I was able to not bring a sledge hammer down on myself, just to realize that it was a difficult situation, and I had done the best I could at the moment. I didn’t get super depressed, which has happened plenty often in the past.
I cried.
“Are you living true to yourself” what a question. And the idea of a “trance life” I had tears… of the truth that I am worth it and need to be compassionate to myself as I feel real feelings and make positive steps to take care of me because I am worth it.
It helped me soften the strong feelings of self judgement and made
me realize I am in control of my
thoughts and feelings and when I
am being hard on myself to remember instead of beating myself up and using all my energy
to do so, that I instead could lean into my feelings at the time and-show Myself more compassion.
I heard myself feeling bored, at loose ends after so much time in quarantine. My mind shifted and said to me, of course you are! This is normal, the times are abnormal. I breathed more calmly and felt more content, less agitated. Thank-you.
I felt the same gutwrenching terror and pain I have felt in these last three years: the belief I can’t do this, others can. It works for others, not me. I don’t deserve this, others do. And the terror of knowing how much grief is stuck inside me, and how it’s killing me that it’s blocked, even after years of recovery work. I feel like I’m going to Hell, and I feel guilty for feeling so negative. I feel the deep deep pain of how caught in my head I am. Years of spiritual programming, tangled and weaponized against me. I feel so far from Love, and so full of anger and resentment and I feel so much guilt about that; I feel terror and fear like I am going to Hell for not being more loving, positive, gentle, tender. There is so much pain inside, I feel like I am going to die. I’m too terrified to end my own life, but I feel so much gutwrenching confusion, hopelessness and futility to access healing, that I feel like the pressure of all the stuffed grief and rage inside me, and all my resentments, will kill me. It’s poison in the body. And when I see my own unworthiness, the thing that hurts the most, blood-curdling inner screams, is how that extreme unworthiness makes me feel jealousy, envy and resentment towards others. It’s Hellish. It makes me feel disdain towards others, when all I want is to feel tenderness and connection. It makes me feel even more flawed and ashamed. Sometimes, often, I am afraid to try exercises like this because I’m afraid they will confirm the horrible, Hellish truth about me: that I am evil. Also, I have been estranged from my parents for years now, as I “recover”… but I miss them and feel such ambivalence at the same time. I don’t want to betray myself and run home to them. But I am 42 and they are 80 and it’s killing me. In the Dark Night of the Soul, accessing Love, self-love, and compassion feels hopeless and futile, and I fear suicide if I push myself towards any kind of healing, and death if I don’t. I doubt my goodness and feel like I have only gotten further and further from my heart over the years. That’s what comes up for me. I hope in some way sharing this can resonate with someone and make them not feel so alone. Love, Tim
I was feeling tired and discouraged. Offering kindness to my feelings made me feel a little better. I have been beating myself up a lot lately and really need the help of this workshop. Thank you tara.
Hateful things will fly out of my mouth and I am confused as to how to help, how to be kind to this part of me. I am mostly ashamed
Wow! What a checkpoint in life! Grief and shame keep me from daring to live more bravely. Ever since my husband passed away, I have been living a quiet, almost hidden life beyond work. I realize that I believe that I do not have much to offer people. I spend quite a bit of time in the woods talking smack to my two dogs and any trees nearby, but that really isn’t enough. Hiding is safe, but it’s not my best life. Thank you for this challenge of love! Kindness to the moment opened a safe place for a wedge of honesty.
I had a very difficult time my inner critic was strongly at work.
Wow that was a interesting. I found myself lost in your word, and feeling things that I haven’t felt before, found myself looking in the mirror and hating what I see.
I felt a kind of settling feeling.
Tenderness towards myself: loving kindness and the willingness to accept in that moment that us the best I can be; supporting my own intentions with kindness rather than judgment
I felt scared that I wouldn’t be able to focus on my own inner needs and gather enough resources to be my own best friend.
At this moment when listening to your video Tara, I started to let go of painful thoughts which have had me today feeling sadened. I began feeling more relaxed and soothed. Thank you so much Tara!
Turning towards the self eversion. I’m doing my best
My strong sense of not failing came up and how I have failed at so many things. The experience of kindness softened that sense of failure a little bit. Everyone makes mistakes sometimes.
I was not resistant
This tape with Tara felt comforting,
enjoyed 2 wings of Awareness: mindfulness and compassion
appreciated self example of not being ok with self and
then practice of self-compassion
I feel grateful to have stumbled on this resource. The self-judgment Tara describes captures my own struggles. In the few moments of inner reflection I felt good, as I reflected on the hopeful possibility of an alternative to constant criticism.
Thank you. I haven’t been able to come to terms with how much I have hurt myself through addiction. I have lost so much. I have gotten better being kind and compassionate to myself, but nothing changes the fact that at 70 years old I am broke AND grateful for Social Security and Medicare. I can’t seem to let go of this sadness I feel for notching my life up. I look forward to vids 2 and 3.
Sorry. Should say botching not notching.
I felt the tightness in my neck and shoulders, chronic tightness that doesn’t relax. Asking can I feel this with compassion and kindness opened a door to feeling acceptance and caring instead of my usual feelings that I want to let it go, to make myself relax.
Thanks Tara!
overwhelmed with unexpected emotions, feeling them
Thank you for sharing this wisdom, I believe in being true to ourselves and living in alignment with our own authenticity. I listened to this and tried the 2 question mindfulness exercise right after eating a meal. I was distracted by the feeling of fullness and tried not to judge myself.
A very large part of me jumped out and asked me why I was even trying this. You are not worthy enough to be free of self-hate.
Dear Tara, thank you for your fist video. I’m a practitioner of mindfulness and sometimes self-compassion. I live in Hamburg (Germany) and started three years ago to discover mindfulness ans self-compassion as a way out of depression and anxiety by an Internet-Site from Dave Porter. This website was my first encounter with mindfulness.
Till this time I lived mostly “outside myself”, highly functional, disciplined, very successful in my working-live. But somehow I was deeply unhappy, fearful, to shy to speak up for myself and driven by the fear of rejection or judgment from others.With the help of Dave’s and your meditation practices I discovered a lot about myself. What the hell was going on inside me?
Even when I got a very good appraisal from others, I couldn’t really believe that this is true. I often thought they didn’t know me “really”..like I was a “fake-person”. I discovered a very strong “dictator” inside me always judging and pushing me to the next task, next big things to achieve, next adventure to experience and at the same time I felt so exhausted and alone. I was rare able to really connect to someone else on a deeper level and I couldn’t understand “WHY”?
I alway trusted only my strong inner guidance and very critical voice but “Who was this person inside me?”. I felt somehow apart and broken inwardly and my body started to struggle in an intense extend with different illnesses.
When I reached the bottom of my external power I started with a mindfulness course and later I added self compassion to my practice. Your video reminds me grateful on my group sessions with others, the relief to feel home and secure with myself for the first time. With time I discovered that a lot of my strange anxieties disappeared and thankfully didn’t show up again. Today I’m increasingly befriended with myself, my body and with the person, who I think I’m.. sorry for my English 🙂 Inwardly I could solve a lot of questions / blockades and this was the way out of depression and feelings of unworthiness. Sometimes they show up again but mostly I know that’s ok and how to handle my inner state of “disturbance or turbulence” with compassion and mindfulness. Thank you for your video .. it was a helpful reminder for me .. to take a break, stop doing, take a breath (or two, or three ..) and look inside only to observe and be with me (my best friend). Greets Jutta
I felt my intense sadness at how much pain I have caused my loved ones and I tried to be a friend to myself by saying everyone makes mistakes, you are not a bad person, but it barely helped.
I fell asleep ?
I felt an inner sense of confusion when looking inward. I just embarked on a new journey, left a job and am starting my new work. but my future seems open-ended and anything could happen. The safety net is gone – and I don’t miss it – but it makes me feel confused at times about what is the next best step to take. I tend to get caught up in thoughts and analysing myself and my situation. When I brought kindness to that feeling, it started to dissolve. A brief tension in my chest came up like I wanted to cry – and I dropped a few tears. But they were tears of relief. Bringing kindness to our fears and suffering can truly change the game I think and I find it is beautiful how it works again and again and again – no matter how often we do it. The suffering comes again and again, and we get to meet it again and again with kindness. the more we do it, the better we get at it, or the faster it can happen. Thank you, Tara, for sharing this again 🙂
I’m feeling very anxious and judging myself right now. I feel very disappointed with myself because of choices I’ve made, and hurt by another person’s response. When I tried to feel kindness towards myself and what I was experiencing, I felt that I was suffering and in pain, and started to cry, and very briefly the anxiety and feelings of disappointment slightly eased.
I immediately relaxed and felt a smile on my face! I know how harsh and judgemental I can be about myself, but I recalled your words that you would never treat a friend how you treated yourself, so I gave myself a hug and, for a few minutes, loved myself unconditionally.
Thankyou for your inspiration
I told myself to be patient
I have perfectionistic tendencies. Over the last several years, I have been working hard on being aware and letting go of those tendencies so that I can become more accepting of myself and more self compassionate. I am making progress!
I have perfectionistic tendencies. Over the last several years, I have been working hard on being aware and letting go of those tendencies so that I can become more accepting of myself and more self compassionate. I am making progress!
I noticed the sadness in my belly but knew why it was there. I told it that it was welcome.
Deep down, on a emotional level, I believe that I don’t deserve anything good and I have to do it all. Care and look after others. So when I looked at caring for my self , a sense of relief
I don’t think I deserve the kindness because of things I come up short of
I found the head to heart to heartspace very helpful and will use it for myself and my clients. Thank you. Joan Ungar, LP(MA)
I placed my hands over my heart, closed my eyes and took slow relaxed breathes. I felt the tightness in my heart, the emotions I felt were anxiety, frustration and anger. When i brought my awareness to the experience the tightness and the emotions eased somewhat. I understand where my emotions come from and that’s okay. With time my anxiety, frustration and anger will dissolve. No pushing these feelings away I want to accept how I feel.
A sense of hope araises.
I can see new possibility to overcome difficult emotions.
I felt a sense of ease with myself and understanding of myself. I recognized the self judgment as being unkind and unnecessary towards the experience and my internal response. I can be kind to myself by simply observing my thoughts with kindness and compassion.
Feelings of peace, kindness, and patience came over me. Also, a sense of hopefulness to realize I can change and be more kind and compassionate with myself especially so during tough times.
I thought to myself, in a very cynical way, that might hopes for change still arise from the many old solutions that have not worked in the past.
Lighter somehow. I felt I was looking at myself from outside rather than being tied up with myself the way I so often am.
I felt numb, and a stronger sense of aversion.
I felt that whatever the struggle, it will turn out to be ok cause someone was there to hold my hand through the struggle….and that someone was me…
I felt some relaxation
Some relief
I started to feel less anxious when I thought about how alone I feel and how much I feel I need other people. I feel sad and am starting to cry but at the same time I feel less anxious.
I felt a sense of release, a relief from fear and a even a sense of strength in acknowledging my vulnerability