I experienced a sense of compassion and calming, along with the recognition that this would make a difference when I felt myself being hard on ‘me’ in the future.
I believe that I have been living true to myself, yet my frustration comes from knowing that others are not and it has taken me so long to learn to live true to myself that I feel an overwhelming ache in my heart knowing that others are hurting and as I feel the pain of losing my brother this January knowing that he lived with self-hatred and when he finally decided to listen to the ones who know him and care about him his heart stopped, and after his passing I went into deep despair the Anger, fear, sadness, and a mix of other feelings so it has been hard to focus on my self and this course has really touched on some things.
I felt pressure all condensed in my chest area, and in noticing it, didn’t dissolve however has lifted and opened more. Thanks Tara and all who practice mindfulness <3
It is such a key aspect in all our lives.It is good to know , not to wait until something might change, but that we are capable to do something active ourselves.We don’t have to fall into the victim role and stay in it.There is a way out and that is so important to know.And than we start loving ourselves and accept ourselves the way we truly are.
I feel good; more connected with the world that I am not the only one suffering internally (and with external relationships as well). The expression in the videos reflects my own expressions I go through in my life. Your words are powerful and provide sheer reassurance to change my outlook, which is much needed to treat myself with compassion. I was very much reluctant about self-compassion or mindfulness, however, very recently, Luara and Evan’s virtual sessions have engaged me to do justice to myself. I am exploring further as I strive to contribute to humanity through my work in Global Health.
I ran into an aversion response. I thought I am supposed to feel badly about myself. This is the place or space I have been told I am to occupy. Good feelings are for others.
I felt the anxiety in my chest release and I was able to breathe more freely although I’m still feeling that I haven’t “found myself” and I’m almost 50. It’s unsettling to feel so lost when I thought I’d have my life figured out by now. But, the brief respite of breathing more freely calmed my whole body.
I had a vivid memory of my father’s kind heart, that he showed everyone, known by my cousins as well as siblings, and my mother. He lost much, including his life to severe mental illness (Schizo-Affective Disorder). I realized that the kindness, was accessible to me even as a child, and critical to what I consider to having had a relatively charmed life.
Michelle Dreksler, Another Field, San Antonio, TX, USAsays
I have been doing the work of identifying my emotions and questioning the thoughts surrounding them for round 8 months now. I started practicing Inner bonding about two months ago. I enjoyed your perspective on this work. It’s direct and something that will go along with the other practices I’ve been working with. Thank you for making this accessible.
Throughout the video, as much as I tried to tap into a feeling of self-compassion,
I kept thinking (a familiar thought of mine) that this applies to everyone out there but not to me. My negative self-judgment feels like a hard reality to me, and no other state of mind is accessible to me, no matter what I try to do, think or say. And I’ve tried so much, in so many different ways, over the years! I keep bumping into this hard rock of self-hatred, and I can’t access anything underneath it.
I was surprised to hear you bring up this very question at the end of the video. When trying to deep dive for self compassion, all I come up with is real-life evidence of my unworthiness based on the feedback I get. Tara, you were spot on with your description. No other meditation guide I’ve tried in the past ever brought up this dilemma. I’m looking forward to hearing if there are answers for me in the following videos.
Hi Tara, I’ve come across you by chance through a psychologist who said it would be beneficial for me to listen to Kristen Neff.
You were one of the opening speakers for the awake network summit recently. I cried through the whole thing and have again today. I’m 51 years old and have spent my life to this point with my main consideration being others. Smiling on the outside but. Blaming myself for any unhappiness my children felt, blaming myself for staying with a person who treated me badly and blaming myself for somehow making them treat me terribly. I blamed myself for anyone else’s unhappiness. In this process spanning 20 years of trying to bend and make everyone happy. I completely lost touch with me.
Then I got a bit brave, and left my partner, took the children, found three jobs and I’m surviving. But my heart has so much healing to do. As I’m still blaming myself for losing the house, struggling financially and working too much so not being there enough for my children.
I listen to your beautiful words and feel inklings of compassion for myself. It makes me cry, as I feel hopeful and I feel myself coming back. Thank you
Bonita Cortese, Another Field, Northfield, VT, USAsays
I was hopeful and excited about the possibility of learning to treat myself with kindness rather than the depreciating thoughts I usually tell myself. Last night I had listened to Ms. Neff’s Bright & Quirky talk including the 3 steps on how to be more self-compassionate and actually tried it this morning regarding an issue that had me feeling guilty, cold-hearted and a horrible person for the past 2 days. There was immediate release from those feelings as being self compassionate I allowed myself to accept that I had made a decision that was right for me. It was amazing so I am excited to learn more about treating myself as I treat my friends and family. Thank you for this opportunity. I have already ordered Ms. Neff’s book and companion workbook from Amazon and can’t wait for them to arrive.
Kris L., Dietetics, Cumberland Center, ME, USAsays
I was feeling tired, and the kindness felt like a friend as I advised myself to go to bed to take good care while still noticing my resistance to push through and get some more tasks done.
I started to cry as I am struggling with these same feelings, thoughts–comparing, isolating, shaming myself, no purpose, on and on and on…. I go through this sheer Hell in the extreme every few years; I absolutely detest it, yet I am so stuck. However, I did feel a nanoparticle of hope hearing that others also have these feelings. Thank you.
thank you. I was a master of poor self-talk and have read many books on this practice that holds so much SWAY OVER OUR MINDS! I have found some real help and “tools” through RI Recovery International with Dr. Abraham Low that was founded in the 1950’s the time I was born! I’m now 75 and have had a chapter written in my life I would have NEVER believed. Estrangement of an adult child.
I wonder if you are reading about either of these? Dr. Josh Coleman has written a new book on this subject and has been a wonderful help to so many of us. This is a huge problem now unfortunately. It causes such guilt, lowered feelings, anger, sadness, depression. RI gives excellent “tools” to help! It is a simple self-help program. I facilitated it for many years at our local hospital. It has helped so many! I have worked on my poor self talk for a long time!! I’m still not there yet! The two largest keys for me have been: forgiveness and acceptance, the Serenity prayer although I’ve never drank or done drugs. The Bible tells us “As a many thinketh so he is”. So very true.
I know one thing now: We grow too soon old, and too late wise!!
Hope this gives you some other ideas to look into. Some therapists don’t understand how huge this estrangement of parents is. To be rejected by those you loved most is very painful and harsh. No matter how many of us have offered mediation, counseling, etc., we are HARSHLY CUT OFF, not given any chance to discover why. Most of us very willing to ask forgiveness, own up to ways WE FAILED, totally listen to them and hear their perspective, but they don’t give us any chance. They just reject the whole family, no drugs involved, or alcohol just saying: STAY OUT OF MY LIFE!!
I love myself. I am a kind person. I struggle with mounting evidence that there is something wrong with me, and there does not seem to be the equivalent mounting evidence of what is right with me. When i participated in this exercise, I recalled two relationships where the person(s) said really mean things to me like “your a padder” instead of instead of “Paddler” and “you have no friends”. Both of these statements are untrue; I canoe at least once a year and I have many close friends. Instead of responding to the people with the intention to offer care, I severed the relationships to protect myself. These are great people, and they are no longer in my life, and I regret that. I do not think shutting down my heart with the love that i felt for them is a healthy response for me. If I lived my best life I would love people more.
First of all I want thank you for this video. I started feeling calmness within me. I could feel the heaviness of my heart relieved and experienced peace . I started realising am I living for others or doing things for the sake of others. And i began to feel self pity for myself and began to think that I need to be compassionate towards myself.
When I tried to bring kindness into the mood I was experiencing was an overwhelming feeling of you do not have time and you do not really deserve or need this. I am not sleeping well these days my mind is working all the time. I cannot shut it off, I feel exhausted all the time. I am always anxious when I go to bed because I know I may wake up and stay awake.
I could feel the fear sitting in my chest, constricting my breathing. Fear of not being good enough, fear of failure and even worse humiliation. As I asked “Can I sit with this in kindness?,” I heard myself speak calming words: you can do this, we got this, I’m here for you. Those are the words I would share with anyone feeling this fear. I could feel my body releasing some of the tension.
I felt hopeful.
I felt a softening…. my shoulders physically relaxed….. a sense of peace. Thank you
I actually felt a kind of softening, and acceptance 🙂
I felt more relaxed and a sense of softness occurred in my body.
I experienced a sense of compassion and calming, along with the recognition that this would make a difference when I felt myself being hard on ‘me’ in the future.
Hopeful. To be true and free not only privately, but in the world and with those around me. A feeling of softening and expansion.
Thank you so much for your kindness and compassion in making these teachings available. Yes, I felt light and warm.
Feeling of release
A lighter, gentler sense arose. An ability to smile at myself and chuckle a little. Thank you.
I feeled a deep sadness … So difficult and yet so really my deep wish to be kind … But it’s never my first reaction !
I believe that I have been living true to myself, yet my frustration comes from knowing that others are not and it has taken me so long to learn to live true to myself that I feel an overwhelming ache in my heart knowing that others are hurting and as I feel the pain of losing my brother this January knowing that he lived with self-hatred and when he finally decided to listen to the ones who know him and care about him his heart stopped, and after his passing I went into deep despair the Anger, fear, sadness, and a mix of other feelings so it has been hard to focus on my self and this course has really touched on some things.
Felt a softness in the chest
And a little teary
Hopeful of another way
I felt pressure all condensed in my chest area, and in noticing it, didn’t dissolve however has lifted and opened more. Thanks Tara and all who practice mindfulness <3
I felt a kind of lightness in my body and I started gently to smile.
Hope
It was uncomfortable at first, but I tried to picture the waves of the ocean.
It is such a key aspect in all our lives.It is good to know , not to wait until something might change, but that we are capable to do something active ourselves.We don’t have to fall into the victim role and stay in it.There is a way out and that is so important to know.And than we start loving ourselves and accept ourselves the way we truly are.
I am starting to feel that it is ok to treat myself with the same loving kindness that i give to others.
I feel good; more connected with the world that I am not the only one suffering internally (and with external relationships as well). The expression in the videos reflects my own expressions I go through in my life. Your words are powerful and provide sheer reassurance to change my outlook, which is much needed to treat myself with compassion. I was very much reluctant about self-compassion or mindfulness, however, very recently, Luara and Evan’s virtual sessions have engaged me to do justice to myself. I am exploring further as I strive to contribute to humanity through my work in Global Health.
I realized that my defensiveness with my partner is painful for both of us and if I can be kind to me, I am kinder to him in his defensiveness
I felt like hugging myself. I started talking to myself about all the things I’m doing well and to take those in.
I felt a softening in my heart….a kind of space, a breath, hope occured naturally with ease.
I needed more time– felt rushed
I ran into an aversion response. I thought I am supposed to feel badly about myself. This is the place or space I have been told I am to occupy. Good feelings are for others.
I felt the anxiety in my chest release and I was able to breathe more freely although I’m still feeling that I haven’t “found myself” and I’m almost 50. It’s unsettling to feel so lost when I thought I’d have my life figured out by now. But, the brief respite of breathing more freely calmed my whole body.
I had a vivid memory of my father’s kind heart, that he showed everyone, known by my cousins as well as siblings, and my mother. He lost much, including his life to severe mental illness (Schizo-Affective Disorder). I realized that the kindness, was accessible to me even as a child, and critical to what I consider to having had a relatively charmed life.
I have been doing the work of identifying my emotions and questioning the thoughts surrounding them for round 8 months now. I started practicing Inner bonding about two months ago. I enjoyed your perspective on this work. It’s direct and something that will go along with the other practices I’ve been working with. Thank you for making this accessible.
Throughout the video, as much as I tried to tap into a feeling of self-compassion,
I kept thinking (a familiar thought of mine) that this applies to everyone out there but not to me. My negative self-judgment feels like a hard reality to me, and no other state of mind is accessible to me, no matter what I try to do, think or say. And I’ve tried so much, in so many different ways, over the years! I keep bumping into this hard rock of self-hatred, and I can’t access anything underneath it.
I was surprised to hear you bring up this very question at the end of the video. When trying to deep dive for self compassion, all I come up with is real-life evidence of my unworthiness based on the feedback I get. Tara, you were spot on with your description. No other meditation guide I’ve tried in the past ever brought up this dilemma. I’m looking forward to hearing if there are answers for me in the following videos.
Hi Tara, I’ve come across you by chance through a psychologist who said it would be beneficial for me to listen to Kristen Neff.
You were one of the opening speakers for the awake network summit recently. I cried through the whole thing and have again today. I’m 51 years old and have spent my life to this point with my main consideration being others. Smiling on the outside but. Blaming myself for any unhappiness my children felt, blaming myself for staying with a person who treated me badly and blaming myself for somehow making them treat me terribly. I blamed myself for anyone else’s unhappiness. In this process spanning 20 years of trying to bend and make everyone happy. I completely lost touch with me.
Then I got a bit brave, and left my partner, took the children, found three jobs and I’m surviving. But my heart has so much healing to do. As I’m still blaming myself for losing the house, struggling financially and working too much so not being there enough for my children.
I listen to your beautiful words and feel inklings of compassion for myself. It makes me cry, as I feel hopeful and I feel myself coming back. Thank you
Profound Grief, along with an ever present and overwhelming grieving of the loss/death of my husband of 44 years on Oct. 23rd, 2020.
<3 Sending you much love <3
I was hopeful and excited about the possibility of learning to treat myself with kindness rather than the depreciating thoughts I usually tell myself. Last night I had listened to Ms. Neff’s Bright & Quirky talk including the 3 steps on how to be more self-compassionate and actually tried it this morning regarding an issue that had me feeling guilty, cold-hearted and a horrible person for the past 2 days. There was immediate release from those feelings as being self compassionate I allowed myself to accept that I had made a decision that was right for me. It was amazing so I am excited to learn more about treating myself as I treat my friends and family. Thank you for this opportunity. I have already ordered Ms. Neff’s book and companion workbook from Amazon and can’t wait for them to arrive.
I allowed myself to feel sadness and I cried
I was feeling tired, and the kindness felt like a friend as I advised myself to go to bed to take good care while still noticing my resistance to push through and get some more tasks done.
I started crying. It is really difficult.
I doubted my ability to be kind to myself.
When I bring kindness go myself I want to cry and release the suffering.
A feeling of lightness within myself. A big burden laid down from my heart.
I started to cry as I am struggling with these same feelings, thoughts–comparing, isolating, shaming myself, no purpose, on and on and on…. I go through this sheer Hell in the extreme every few years; I absolutely detest it, yet I am so stuck. However, I did feel a nanoparticle of hope hearing that others also have these feelings. Thank you.
Felt a bit of relief that the feelings are ok even though uncomfortable.
thank you. I was a master of poor self-talk and have read many books on this practice that holds so much SWAY OVER OUR MINDS! I have found some real help and “tools” through RI Recovery International with Dr. Abraham Low that was founded in the 1950’s the time I was born! I’m now 75 and have had a chapter written in my life I would have NEVER believed. Estrangement of an adult child.
I wonder if you are reading about either of these? Dr. Josh Coleman has written a new book on this subject and has been a wonderful help to so many of us. This is a huge problem now unfortunately. It causes such guilt, lowered feelings, anger, sadness, depression. RI gives excellent “tools” to help! It is a simple self-help program. I facilitated it for many years at our local hospital. It has helped so many! I have worked on my poor self talk for a long time!! I’m still not there yet! The two largest keys for me have been: forgiveness and acceptance, the Serenity prayer although I’ve never drank or done drugs. The Bible tells us “As a many thinketh so he is”. So very true.
I know one thing now: We grow too soon old, and too late wise!!
Hope this gives you some other ideas to look into. Some therapists don’t understand how huge this estrangement of parents is. To be rejected by those you loved most is very painful and harsh. No matter how many of us have offered mediation, counseling, etc., we are HARSHLY CUT OFF, not given any chance to discover why. Most of us very willing to ask forgiveness, own up to ways WE FAILED, totally listen to them and hear their perspective, but they don’t give us any chance. They just reject the whole family, no drugs involved, or alcohol just saying: STAY OUT OF MY LIFE!!
I felt warmth inside me.
Calm, relief, followed by fear. Feels like the right direction for me but self doubt about my ability to follow through crept in.
I love myself. I am a kind person. I struggle with mounting evidence that there is something wrong with me, and there does not seem to be the equivalent mounting evidence of what is right with me. When i participated in this exercise, I recalled two relationships where the person(s) said really mean things to me like “your a padder” instead of instead of “Paddler” and “you have no friends”. Both of these statements are untrue; I canoe at least once a year and I have many close friends. Instead of responding to the people with the intention to offer care, I severed the relationships to protect myself. These are great people, and they are no longer in my life, and I regret that. I do not think shutting down my heart with the love that i felt for them is a healthy response for me. If I lived my best life I would love people more.
I put my hand on my cheek to comfort the little girl in me.
Thank you Chana for reminding me to do that.
I felt like it was a start in the right directon.
First of all I want thank you for this video. I started feeling calmness within me. I could feel the heaviness of my heart relieved and experienced peace . I started realising am I living for others or doing things for the sake of others. And i began to feel self pity for myself and began to think that I need to be compassionate towards myself.
Uneasiness, some uncertainty on how to apply loving kindness to myself.
I felt a deep sense of peace and love
Resistance, downplaying and self judgement around not knowing the right answer to how I am feeling.
It was helpful
When I tried to bring kindness into the mood I was experiencing was an overwhelming feeling of you do not have time and you do not really deserve or need this. I am not sleeping well these days my mind is working all the time. I cannot shut it off, I feel exhausted all the time. I am always anxious when I go to bed because I know I may wake up and stay awake.
A warm self-hug…..
I could feel the fear sitting in my chest, constricting my breathing. Fear of not being good enough, fear of failure and even worse humiliation. As I asked “Can I sit with this in kindness?,” I heard myself speak calming words: you can do this, we got this, I’m here for you. Those are the words I would share with anyone feeling this fear. I could feel my body releasing some of the tension.