It felt very intense, scared, sad, angry. Something I notice alot. The new times I do try to stop and be with it, I end up asking questions – “what do you need from me” “how can I help” “what happened”. It felt different to just be with. There is such resistance, it is like I get shoved out of the way.
I was experiencing a lot of anger within me, which is not a new discovery. I’ve been practicing mindfulness and self-compassion off and on for over 15years now and was surprised to find I am no longer able to give compassion towards my inner struggles. What I think is happening is that the pandemic being a collective shock trauma, one of which there is nowhere to escape to from it anywhere in the world, has opened up old wounds and brought new layers of unresolved trauma to the surface. I continue to find that my anger gets angry at anyone or anything that tries to offer it love and compassion. Strong defensiveness there.
I felt the intensity of my feelings of loneliness & anxiety wind down a notch or two. Just by acknowledging it’s ok to feel those things made me less judgmental about myself
I slowed down-I felt my impatience becoming acceptance of the complexities of how I felt and life itself and I could just let it be and know whatever is emerging is fine and is in its own time
When I tried to bring kindness to negative self talk, the empathic feelings I’ve been working on celebrated and joined in for a moment. The very old voices of self-judgement were there, too, though, and I sensed some mocking from them. They seemed to be looking for evidence of why that effort was pointless—of how the people closest to me see right through me and how I’m fundamentally flawed. I can see that the effort to counteract those voices is very worthwhile.
I felt a sense of anxiety as I tried to bring kindness to my feelings of regret for losing my temper with my children, from long ago. I tried to give myself love for reacting this way and for being what I did not want to be. I experience regret what seems to be countless times a day. It’s very difficult, it’s become such a pattern of conjuring up the past, at the drop of a hat.
Beautiful Tara, thank you! Eventhough I should know about this. Your question, can I be with this……with kindness doesn’t come easy. I was struck by your parrallel between trance of unworthiness (or never being something enough) and being true to ourselves. An going to explore that a bit more. Thank you for this. Very timely, as always (with truthfulness).
Warmest wishes and respect, Heidy
At the moment of asking “What’s happening?” I felt as if I were with my back against the wall, feeling stupid, incapable of doing anything. When I brought in compassion, the wall fell away and I was free to move again. The freeze was lifted and I felt more space. Then tears of relaxing into this bedding of love rolled down my face and I was perfectly able to hold space for the little wounded me who for some reason always thought – and thinks she’s not good enough.
Thank you for the insightful video. I to had a deep sense of not good enough, listening and believing what others thought of me, always trying to be better for them, doing what I thought they wanted from me. I was so far removed from myself – lost to myself. This was indeed my darkest days of bewilderment, feeling lost and alone. The more I tried to be good enough for others the less I succeeded.
Through this pain I started practicing self-acceptance. Once I started to manage the concept of self-acceptance I turned inward on a journey of meeting me, getting to know me for who I am, embracing my morals and values. The turn-around for me was to “let go and let God”. I stopped chasing others as well as my own wants and needs and started to focus on my life purpose. Mindfulness taught me that multitasking (witch I was a master of) was robbing me of quality. Together with mindfulness I combined breathing exercises as well as physical exercises, making time to be with myself, enjoying myself for who I am – I embarked on a journey of self discovery – finding my true voice and living it. Acceptance of self helped me realize that there is no growth in judgement. I am happy to say that this life journey of finding my voice and growing closer to my true self – reflecting calm, acceptance, non-judgment and respect has brought me ever so close to living a balanced, healthy life true to me. I still do find days that I find myself not good enough but I recognize it see it for what it is (a lie) and move towards self-kindness and acceptance. Through my journey of finding my voice it became my passion to bring awareness to my clients, helping them to find their true inner voice. I truly believe most problems can be worked through by beginning with one’s inner journey of finding your voice.
What a beautiful exercise, what carrying words. The hard and heavy thoughts and emotions could soften a little. The weight of the emotions became bearable. They did not disappear but there was room for it to be.
I was met with resistance and doubt. However, when I reminded myself of having compassion, and creating space for the feelings to be felt, I felt a lifting. A sense of welcome. Of knowing, that it was okay to feel these feelings. ?
My name is Robert Janzen from British Columbia Canada – (I am actually taking your POA Class). What happened when I tried to bring kindness to my life? I was flooded with self-love and compassion, which I have never felt before. You see I was sexually abused when I was 7 or 8 years old and never spoke about it until I was in my 40’s, also I grow up in religion and was taught that I am bad and a creation gone wrong… or at least paying the price for Adam and Eve and then on top of that I had cancer back when I was twenty-one… anyways I spent most of my life living in quiet desperation and wanting to die. I grew up having the feelings of “not fitting in”, I am different, I am flawed, damaged, a bad person and the list goes on and on.
.
Because I was running away from my pain and became a drug, alcohol, people pleaser, and sex addict… I completely lost who I was and my perspective in life. Everything I did drove me deep into self-hate and wanting to die. I have paid great pricing for living in a trance. I lost my marriage of 17 years, I lost seeing my kids every day of my life to just seeing them when they are available, and my other things of importance along the way.
I was really filled with self-hate, doubt, and filled with guilt, and shame (all the lower level consciousness emotions and was tormented by them. Then my counselor introduced me to watch Tara B youtube videos and study her work. I must say…wow! I am a changed man. For the first time in my life, I have learned to forgive myself and learn to love myself… There is so much more to this inner recovery work, but I will keep in short. Thank you for this video.
It brought up a sense that this feeling has dogged me all my life, and i am 60-like a grey ink wash over so many experiences. It also reminds me of my mother saying she could ‘kick herself’ for some flaw she saw in herself after a harsh upbringing. This unnecessary reflexive behaviour is like your dog, seen caught in a trap.
The older I get the more painful becomes my recollection of how I failed in my first marriage – how I hurt my kids and their mother. I’m not sure how to get through this repeating pain.
I love the illustrative stories. They will be useful with my clients. We as humans remember stories much better than facts. Thank you so much for these three videos. I’m grateful for the opportunity to experience then. They will help many.
The Trance of Unworthiness is such a helpful concept. The idea that you can move through life with feelings of unrecognised deficiency that impact every part of who you are. Thank you for helping us to learn how to address this. ??
I tried to bring kindness to my feelings of disappointment. I wonder how I can get satisfied if I have a spouse that I feel is always sabotaging my life goals. I want freedom to feel like I do without having to blame him for getting in my way of happiness.
I am so glad I found this workshop as I have struggling with how to bring kindness and self compassion to myself. It is the hardest thing for me and being alone and isolated during the pandemic makes a it even more difficult. I am looking forward to the next video. Thank you Kelly Nielsen
I realised how tired and fragile I was really feeling under the bustle of the day, and the simple recognition of this with a kind heart caused an upwelling of feeling that was full of mourning but also relief for being seen and held. Thanks for waking me up again Tara. xx
My sensation was impatience and anxiety agitation. By naming it I realized where the physical felling s were coming from and that I could tell myself to relax and let go. Be in the moment and trust all wii be well. worrying and wanting life to be different doesn’t make it happen. Taking action like being kind to myself and others . Caring for myself and others can be the beginning of the changes I want to happen.
I saw what was disturbing me and then I made it ok for me to experience it. And then I saw it more clearly. And then I realized that I was seeing interactions today that were similar to those in my childhood that I had trouble with. Those where someone was trying to get me in trouble by making accusations that I felt an inability to defend and then I realized that the one today was someone trying to suggest my recent successes were a result of cheating, and now I felt peace when I realized both the past and the present agitators were revealing themselves, and I felt compassion for their difficulties in dealing with their feelings. I have always felt numb when someone told lies about me because I saw Thru the lie a vulnerable person and felt guilty for seeing it. Almost like I was seeing a devil I wasn’t supposed to see.
I was feeling sadness, because I try to fix myself or see how anxious I am and I heard myself, unacceptingly say, ,
” OH, you’re not feeling sad and depressed again, are you?”
i tuned and apologized to my cat who i brushed off the end of my bed so I could set up my lap top. He hissed and didn’t leave, he was sleeping and I was more than rude to him. I gently pet him and talked with him on how i was sorry how impatient I was and not loving and he’s been so loving to me. I apologized to him and myself. I have the Covid and was hospitalized and I’m angry and sad , scared that I’m weakened .I’ m still accepting a harsh illness and slow gradual recovery, I’m 70, divorced ad my heart felt numbed.
Presently, I’m okay @ first. Simultaneously, I drift, I’m injured, in pain, alone & isolated. Discouraged by those paid to help me. CN’t cut food, sleep, go for walk… fatigued, can’t rally. Somehow, instead of being- voicing my true feelings re those who should (paid to) help, how strong I am, ‘look! ur typing with one finger (& fix typos!), I think how dumb I am to believe them. What’s wrong with me, I say. Spiral to sad place, triggers more pain And, I have ptsd, so when that starts, the monkey mind goes bonkers.? Think of deceased loved ones. Say why bother. I listen to these sessions, feel soothed. Do whatever I can…even if just a smile. Then I remember all I’ve learned from Tara, et al., & realize I know better, & I bank on truth that I will rise up. Sometimes it lulls me to sleep/even if just a nod. I get a break, remind self I’m worthy, have done well… and I get back up…even if only baby steps. Thanks for the reminders, gentle voice, compassion & arousal from the trance. ? ⚛ ? ? ? (repear, rinse, recycle ? )… and still I rise! ?
I agree that it’s not easy to acknowledge and face the fact that we will are struggling with self-image, sense of unworthy love. It’s just so hard to love ourselves, and that’s why self-compassion is so important. As a therapist, it’s easy to tell the client that they should practice self-compassion, but actually it’s very hard for me to do that…. This video has guided me to focus on more about self-compassion.
Thank you.
I felt a sense of lightness, acceptance and harmony.
It’s as two conflicting energies stopped going against each other and started to move with eachother.
Looking forward to next one as I suffer with the negative talk.
I felt a warm feeling moving inside, embracing my small, young self and came to realize that I’m not alone. I have my loving self who is always there, I just need to see her more often and accept her.
Nancy Markum, Another Field, San Antonio, TX, USAsays
Well I have chronic pain and feel like life is over I’m so limited. I feel useless and frustrated with myself. Nothing really happened to me. I cannot change the pain or do things like I used to.
Uplifting as this sermon is–sadly enough, I do not know what my true self is—what exactly I want , when the wants are self contradictory . I am not talking about basic / concrete choices–richness or not etc. Lives are deeply interlinked -how do you fit in all pieces with or without damaging the others. It is like, a soldier perishing in war in being true to himself and the painful wrath left behind . Life has no easy answers. Just honor the moment to the best of your ability and surrender in peace to the results it brings. This Surrender and acceptance is maturity. But not without moments of regret , tears, laughter , blame etc. As long you retain the ability to enjoy and laugh together , you have lived well.
I believe you but do not trust myself to sustain and enact the process you so clearly outline
I know I do not live true to myself. I am much kinder to others
It felt very intense, scared, sad, angry. Something I notice alot. The new times I do try to stop and be with it, I end up asking questions – “what do you need from me” “how can I help” “what happened”. It felt different to just be with. There is such resistance, it is like I get shoved out of the way.
I was experiencing a lot of anger within me, which is not a new discovery. I’ve been practicing mindfulness and self-compassion off and on for over 15years now and was surprised to find I am no longer able to give compassion towards my inner struggles. What I think is happening is that the pandemic being a collective shock trauma, one of which there is nowhere to escape to from it anywhere in the world, has opened up old wounds and brought new layers of unresolved trauma to the surface. I continue to find that my anger gets angry at anyone or anything that tries to offer it love and compassion. Strong defensiveness there.
there was a feeling like something choked me. When I brought kindness to it, it vanished. Thank you so much for this experience, Tara!
I felt the intensity of my feelings of loneliness & anxiety wind down a notch or two. Just by acknowledging it’s ok to feel those things made me less judgmental about myself
Softness.
My posture lifted and my heart opened. I felt lighter and more expansive. Ready and willing to be kind to myself.
I slowed down-I felt my impatience becoming acceptance of the complexities of how I felt and life itself and I could just let it be and know whatever is emerging is fine and is in its own time
When I tried to bring kindness to negative self talk, the empathic feelings I’ve been working on celebrated and joined in for a moment. The very old voices of self-judgement were there, too, though, and I sensed some mocking from them. They seemed to be looking for evidence of why that effort was pointless—of how the people closest to me see right through me and how I’m fundamentally flawed. I can see that the effort to counteract those voices is very worthwhile.
I felt a sense of anxiety as I tried to bring kindness to my feelings of regret for losing my temper with my children, from long ago. I tried to give myself love for reacting this way and for being what I did not want to be. I experience regret what seems to be countless times a day. It’s very difficult, it’s become such a pattern of conjuring up the past, at the drop of a hat.
Beautiful Tara, thank you! Eventhough I should know about this. Your question, can I be with this……with kindness doesn’t come easy. I was struck by your parrallel between trance of unworthiness (or never being something enough) and being true to ourselves. An going to explore that a bit more. Thank you for this. Very timely, as always (with truthfulness).
Warmest wishes and respect, Heidy
Joy, sense of freedom and hope ❤️
Thank you Tara xxx
I felt sadness and I started to cry.
At the moment of asking “What’s happening?” I felt as if I were with my back against the wall, feeling stupid, incapable of doing anything. When I brought in compassion, the wall fell away and I was free to move again. The freeze was lifted and I felt more space. Then tears of relaxing into this bedding of love rolled down my face and I was perfectly able to hold space for the little wounded me who for some reason always thought – and thinks she’s not good enough.
Thank you for the insightful video. I to had a deep sense of not good enough, listening and believing what others thought of me, always trying to be better for them, doing what I thought they wanted from me. I was so far removed from myself – lost to myself. This was indeed my darkest days of bewilderment, feeling lost and alone. The more I tried to be good enough for others the less I succeeded.
Through this pain I started practicing self-acceptance. Once I started to manage the concept of self-acceptance I turned inward on a journey of meeting me, getting to know me for who I am, embracing my morals and values. The turn-around for me was to “let go and let God”. I stopped chasing others as well as my own wants and needs and started to focus on my life purpose. Mindfulness taught me that multitasking (witch I was a master of) was robbing me of quality. Together with mindfulness I combined breathing exercises as well as physical exercises, making time to be with myself, enjoying myself for who I am – I embarked on a journey of self discovery – finding my true voice and living it. Acceptance of self helped me realize that there is no growth in judgement. I am happy to say that this life journey of finding my voice and growing closer to my true self – reflecting calm, acceptance, non-judgment and respect has brought me ever so close to living a balanced, healthy life true to me. I still do find days that I find myself not good enough but I recognize it see it for what it is (a lie) and move towards self-kindness and acceptance. Through my journey of finding my voice it became my passion to bring awareness to my clients, helping them to find their true inner voice. I truly believe most problems can be worked through by beginning with one’s inner journey of finding your voice.
What a beautiful exercise, what carrying words. The hard and heavy thoughts and emotions could soften a little. The weight of the emotions became bearable. They did not disappear but there was room for it to be.
I felt sadness at the loss of my years of not being able to listen to my calmness and joy.
I felt a pain and sadness in my heart
I was met with resistance and doubt. However, when I reminded myself of having compassion, and creating space for the feelings to be felt, I felt a lifting. A sense of welcome. Of knowing, that it was okay to feel these feelings. ?
I felt the weight of my shame of self and the pain of my lacking.
There was resistance
My name is Robert Janzen from British Columbia Canada – (I am actually taking your POA Class). What happened when I tried to bring kindness to my life? I was flooded with self-love and compassion, which I have never felt before. You see I was sexually abused when I was 7 or 8 years old and never spoke about it until I was in my 40’s, also I grow up in religion and was taught that I am bad and a creation gone wrong… or at least paying the price for Adam and Eve and then on top of that I had cancer back when I was twenty-one… anyways I spent most of my life living in quiet desperation and wanting to die. I grew up having the feelings of “not fitting in”, I am different, I am flawed, damaged, a bad person and the list goes on and on.
.
Because I was running away from my pain and became a drug, alcohol, people pleaser, and sex addict… I completely lost who I was and my perspective in life. Everything I did drove me deep into self-hate and wanting to die. I have paid great pricing for living in a trance. I lost my marriage of 17 years, I lost seeing my kids every day of my life to just seeing them when they are available, and my other things of importance along the way.
I was really filled with self-hate, doubt, and filled with guilt, and shame (all the lower level consciousness emotions and was tormented by them. Then my counselor introduced me to watch Tara B youtube videos and study her work. I must say…wow! I am a changed man. For the first time in my life, I have learned to forgive myself and learn to love myself… There is so much more to this inner recovery work, but I will keep in short. Thank you for this video.
It brought up a sense that this feeling has dogged me all my life, and i am 60-like a grey ink wash over so many experiences. It also reminds me of my mother saying she could ‘kick herself’ for some flaw she saw in herself after a harsh upbringing. This unnecessary reflexive behaviour is like your dog, seen caught in a trap.
The older I get the more painful becomes my recollection of how I failed in my first marriage – how I hurt my kids and their mother. I’m not sure how to get through this repeating pain.
Your depiction of conflicting inner self is very powerful and awakening…I felt more in touch with my own self…
It brings a sense of relief.
I love the illustrative stories. They will be useful with my clients. We as humans remember stories much better than facts. Thank you so much for these three videos. I’m grateful for the opportunity to experience then. They will help many.
The Trance of Unworthiness is such a helpful concept. The idea that you can move through life with feelings of unrecognised deficiency that impact every part of who you are. Thank you for helping us to learn how to address this. ??
I felt deep resistance to bringing kindness inside.
I tried to bring kindness to my feelings of disappointment. I wonder how I can get satisfied if I have a spouse that I feel is always sabotaging my life goals. I want freedom to feel like I do without having to blame him for getting in my way of happiness.
I was already working on this tonight, and a shift in thinking made me feel uplifted.
I am so glad I found this workshop as I have struggling with how to bring kindness and self compassion to myself. It is the hardest thing for me and being alone and isolated during the pandemic makes a it even more difficult. I am looking forward to the next video. Thank you Kelly Nielsen
I realised how tired and fragile I was really feeling under the bustle of the day, and the simple recognition of this with a kind heart caused an upwelling of feeling that was full of mourning but also relief for being seen and held. Thanks for waking me up again Tara. xx
My sensation was impatience and anxiety agitation. By naming it I realized where the physical felling s were coming from and that I could tell myself to relax and let go. Be in the moment and trust all wii be well. worrying and wanting life to be different doesn’t make it happen. Taking action like being kind to myself and others . Caring for myself and others can be the beginning of the changes I want to happen.
I felt resistance. While knowing that I do not give myself compassion, almost choosing the suffering.
Love the simplicity of looking at all experience with kindness.
It makes space, a calm, gentle holding or cradling of all of me.
I saw what was disturbing me and then I made it ok for me to experience it. And then I saw it more clearly. And then I realized that I was seeing interactions today that were similar to those in my childhood that I had trouble with. Those where someone was trying to get me in trouble by making accusations that I felt an inability to defend and then I realized that the one today was someone trying to suggest my recent successes were a result of cheating, and now I felt peace when I realized both the past and the present agitators were revealing themselves, and I felt compassion for their difficulties in dealing with their feelings. I have always felt numb when someone told lies about me because I saw Thru the lie a vulnerable person and felt guilty for seeing it. Almost like I was seeing a devil I wasn’t supposed to see.
I was feeling sadness, because I try to fix myself or see how anxious I am and I heard myself, unacceptingly say, ,
” OH, you’re not feeling sad and depressed again, are you?”
i tuned and apologized to my cat who i brushed off the end of my bed so I could set up my lap top. He hissed and didn’t leave, he was sleeping and I was more than rude to him. I gently pet him and talked with him on how i was sorry how impatient I was and not loving and he’s been so loving to me. I apologized to him and myself. I have the Covid and was hospitalized and I’m angry and sad , scared that I’m weakened .I’ m still accepting a harsh illness and slow gradual recovery, I’m 70, divorced ad my heart felt numbed.
Firstly Tara, thank you so much for all you do. Your love, kindness and compassion, are helping me to extend the same to others and myself.
Namaste
I felt a very subtle softening towards my slightly anxious feeling.
Restriction… witholding, welling up of old tears.
Holding back.
Self judgment for judging.
Deep breath, awareness.
Curiosity
Presently, I’m okay @ first. Simultaneously, I drift, I’m injured, in pain, alone & isolated. Discouraged by those paid to help me. CN’t cut food, sleep, go for walk… fatigued, can’t rally. Somehow, instead of being- voicing my true feelings re those who should (paid to) help, how strong I am, ‘look! ur typing with one finger (& fix typos!), I think how dumb I am to believe them. What’s wrong with me, I say. Spiral to sad place, triggers more pain And, I have ptsd, so when that starts, the monkey mind goes bonkers.? Think of deceased loved ones. Say why bother. I listen to these sessions, feel soothed. Do whatever I can…even if just a smile. Then I remember all I’ve learned from Tara, et al., & realize I know better, & I bank on truth that I will rise up. Sometimes it lulls me to sleep/even if just a nod. I get a break, remind self I’m worthy, have done well… and I get back up…even if only baby steps. Thanks for the reminders, gentle voice, compassion & arousal from the trance. ? ⚛ ? ? ? (repear, rinse, recycle ? )… and still I rise! ?
A “letting go” or a feeling of neutrality in my mind along with a feeling of internal warmth in my body.
Thank you
It softened the edges of my anxiety.
I agree that it’s not easy to acknowledge and face the fact that we will are struggling with self-image, sense of unworthy love. It’s just so hard to love ourselves, and that’s why self-compassion is so important. As a therapist, it’s easy to tell the client that they should practice self-compassion, but actually it’s very hard for me to do that…. This video has guided me to focus on more about self-compassion.
A sense of peace and calm.
Thank you.
I felt a sense of lightness, acceptance and harmony.
It’s as two conflicting energies stopped going against each other and started to move with eachother.
Looking forward to next one as I suffer with the negative talk.
I felt a warm feeling moving inside, embracing my small, young self and came to realize that I’m not alone. I have my loving self who is always there, I just need to see her more often and accept her.
Well I have chronic pain and feel like life is over I’m so limited. I feel useless and frustrated with myself. Nothing really happened to me. I cannot change the pain or do things like I used to.
Uplifting as this sermon is–sadly enough, I do not know what my true self is—what exactly I want , when the wants are self contradictory . I am not talking about basic / concrete choices–richness or not etc. Lives are deeply interlinked -how do you fit in all pieces with or without damaging the others. It is like, a soldier perishing in war in being true to himself and the painful wrath left behind . Life has no easy answers. Just honor the moment to the best of your ability and surrender in peace to the results it brings. This Surrender and acceptance is maturity. But not without moments of regret , tears, laughter , blame etc. As long you retain the ability to enjoy and laugh together , you have lived well.
Mild relief.
I believe you but do not trust myself to sustain and enact the process you so clearly outline
I know I do not live true to myself. I am much kinder to others