I have been on this healing journey for a long time. Your words clarified for me a techique to see more clearly what to do. Your loving kindness towards the suffering one feels is so touching and comforting. I then can do this for myself and not feel afraid to sit with whatever feelings arise. Thank you
Thank you. This one was much more dense for me, harder to find freedom, but I did receive a taste of it, and felt room for the idea that these conclusions may indeed not be fact. Feeling the effect of the arrows was illuminating, thank you.
Thank you! Enjoying Part I and Part II, especially the instructions of getting into heart and heart space. Many workshops would say go to your heart — I had no idea what that meant or how to do it. “Go to your heart” I still go blank. thank you for the words you use that inform me how to do this and what it means.
This was powerful. It helped me to identify the shame and root of the feelings I was having rather than judging myself for having them and trying to shut them down.
I find this exercise to be a quick effective way to dislodge a self judgement. Just used it for an on-going blame for a thought about the same situation. Once I moved it from my head to my heart it seemed to just disappear. It came back shortly. So I repeated. Guess I’ll keep doing this for this situation and see what happens. This blame on myself is like a splinter that is wedged so deep I need to soak it. Think I’ll take a mind epsom salt bath.
Thank you so much…. This video helped me realize how much i ve been judging myself, and the head to heart To heartspace exercice helped me aknowledge the presence of overwhelming emotions but from à place je selflove, rather than from a place of selfjudgement.
I suffer from times when I feel terrified, as the world can seem to change into a very threatening, judgemental, malicious one that wishes me harm and enjoys tormenting me. My mother had much the same. For me it can go on for months and months and leave me completely dysfunctional and wishing I could die to end the torture. It was not actually while I was doing the meditation but at some other time, it occurred to me that I am very critical and judgemental of myself and these times of torture are often after I feel I have failed people in some way. I wonder if what I’m experiencing is a projection of my own ‘voice of lordly judgement’ onto the world outside. Is this known as something that can happen? Thanks Tara for many of your teachings, they have been a gentle, kind, warm support to me.
Your images were helpful:
The flinch from the first arrow, compounded by the second arrow….
The waves of feelings, felt in the body….
The ocean, that helped make the waves seem small, and part of a larger whole.
….and then came the underlying dread that is deeper than surface feelings, but is felt as a current below the surface, and part of the ocean.
It seems I need to sit with that now. I trust that my daily practice of Mindfulness meditation has helped me prepare for this.
Thank you for your offerings, Tara. They have been very helpful—you have been a gentle guiding presence and support along the Way.
Very moving. I was able for the first time to put words to a longstanding self-judgement issue and feel I can with heartspace begin to address it. Thank you.
I felt an overwhelming feeling to not want letting go then willingly inside find reasons to stay with the new loving warm relief in my chest knowing that I’ll be alright . This exercise stretches my comfort zone to stay with the feeling in the moment present. Thank you ?
I have clinical depressions, but I had a really bad year last year and fell into a deep depression where there was lots of self blame. I feel better now having steps to combat my feelings and am less fearful of falling into another bad depression as winter nears. Thank you.
Perfectionism has been a constant in my life since early childhood. When I gave myself permission to have ‘negative’ emotions such as jealousy or envy, anger or resentment, that strong inner critic kicked in and berated me for these feelings. But staying with the Heartspace, breathing into the self-acceptance for having the feelings, seemed to lessen the critic’s energy. Not energizing my anger towards the critic, which has been my typical reaction, seemed to deplete her motivation. Now I realize she wants me to have internal sparring matches with her. That’s what gives her purpose, to drive my self-flaggellation for not being perfect. And I now know this is one of the main things that keeps me stuck.
Tara,
The image of the expansive ocean helped release tension in the chest and throat so that breathing was more relaxed. I was reminded of what a grief counselor once advised ” your thoughts are just thoughts” Let them flow by without judgement.
I became quite tearful and also got in touch with what I was really feeling in my heart. I was surprised at the speed and depth of the experience and internal shift.
It is all starting to make sense. lately I have been thinking that I’ve not been moving forward. It would appear I have just been consolidating (subconciously) before the big push! thank you.
V, RYT, FST
Thank you Tara.
Heart space as an ocean, encompassing all feelings as waves was a big thought for me. Sitting with the hard feelings and having the image of the ocean with the waves (the hard feelings) being a part of heart space was very good. I could stay longer with the hard stuff and get to the self care more authentically. Thank you again Tara.
How to support clients who are always blaming others for difficulties in their lives, especially when it’s true that the other person is aggressive or neglectful and leaving is not an option. Thank you.
I felt a swelling in my throat, almost like I am choking myself, and realized I sabotage myself by not allowing my voice, my true self, out there to be heard and seen. I am an artist. Even writing that statement gives me a lump in my throat. At times when I am so totally immersed in my work, where I just follow my curiosity and don’t say to myself, I don’t know what I’m doing, but just follow what interests me and let my voice, my visual voice out, amazing things happen, and it feels so wonderful, so self affirming. I wish I could speed up the process of going from head to heart and it would be permanent once and for all. But I guess I have to be compassionate with myself and tell myself it takes time to form new patterns and it’s okay. But I’d sure appreciate anything you have to offer in terms of helping ingrain behaviours more quickly. Thank you so much Tara for all you do. ??
Unfortunately the guided exercise went too fast for me. I did begin to feel the “blame” sensation in my throat area. That is as far as I got. It gave me a path that I can come back to and explore the full journey.
Thank you Tara,
I felt an immediate sense of space and freedom and warmth throughout my body, especially in my chest and tummy area. I found repeating the words, its ok Olive really helpful. I became more acceptant of myself as worthwhile and want to trust myself with the job I strive to do! Thank you again.
Great video and reminder of the importance of being awake and using self compassion and mindfulness. While watching, I was reminded of this not only as a therapist but also in my role as a daughter and mother and the amount of judgment that comes with never feeling good enough.
When I am hurting, or in pain I judged myself of being emotionally weak. I tried to be tough but deep inside I am crushed. Doing this meditation and listening to your talks, I felt a relief through listening and feeling these pains. One of Rumi’s quotes,” You have to keep breaking your heart until it opens.”
The space of the heart can feel unfamiliar depending on how long I operate away from it. And the longer I stay away, the more support I need from myself to enter it and to stay there. In a way it helps me see and feel just how long I had stayed more with my thoughts than with the heart. And I remember to de gentle with myself.
I’ve always judged myself and blamed others which never helped me or changed them. I’m realizing that kindness to myself is a far healthier solution and letting go of blame and expecting others to change frees me.
Head to heart to heart space, what powerful words of direction. Confirmed our thoughts can be negative and then changed to positive. Choices can be made and the mentality of self care is pivotal in our lives. I like it, Its OK Oscar is so rewarding and fresh.
Good morning ? During this exercise, I immediately felt feelings of guilt when you mentioned the blaming of others. I then became instantly defensive and realized I had judged myself in that moment. I asked myself to trust you, and I let go of it. I noticed the tense muscles in my shoulders almost melt away. I then thought about being compassionate to myself. An almost nurturing thought came to mind…I realized that the voice judging me wasn’t mine. It was the voice of my father. I had been essentially brainwashed into following that voice and not trusting my own for so long as a child, it became automatic to let it override my own. The only problem with that realization, is that it created a scary almost void sense of emptiness at the absence of my own true voice. Like it never existed. Does that make any sense? Thanks for investing in me today. I appreciate it.
So true self-judgment has never served me, well at least in the way I expected it to, like has been expressed self-encouragement has been much more helpful for me.
It’s so true for me that I feel that if I don’t judge myself that I won’t improve and that if I don’t blame others, they will continue to hurt me. Thank you for opening this awareness for me in such a generous way I’m sure it will not only transform my practice as a therapist but improve my personal life too.
Ah Tara so wonderful so spot on loved the stories the metaphors. Self caring self compassion way to go! I love saying it’s ok Sweetheart. I feel it so deeply and so nurturing so healing. Thank you Nameste xx
I loved ‘what am I not willing to feel right now?’
The feeling was guilt for defending myself. When moving to heart and heartspace I was aloud to defend myself, even when it wasn’t done in a nice way!
??
thank you so much! this is very helpful and actually something i started doing a couple of weeks ago. i catch myself judging and can smile and relax into whatever feeling comes up.
Thanks so much, Tara… Self-compassion the way to go…
I feel a freedom that becomes more ‘pliable’ and fitting my needs when my heart is sore as I continue to practise; this and my body naturally trying to get back to homeostasis after long term alcohol abuse.
I felt a sense of peace and acceptance of the feeling. It didn’t grow but just was and then it started to lessen as I focused on it. Really helpful technique that has reminded me of mindfulness-based skills I’ve stopped practising of late. Really helpful metaphors which helped me keep hold of three steps as I did them.
I have built my walls so strong over so many years I am struggling to thru these steps I know my short comings and I know I have put survival steps to keep me feeling save So for me this will be an on going process until I can stop protecting me and allow myself to be me
I just cried, tried to breath and told myself deep down I know I love me. I don’t really hate me. I’m just unhappy living with these trauma cptsd symptoms from my life experiences that I can’t make go away. I’m unhappy and dying more and more inside living with this and watching it destroy my precious time with my children and other loved ones, not being able to escape it. I’m trapped. Just like with my mom with her addiction and her own pains, my dad with his agoraphobic ways and daddy issues, my husband’s addictions and death, my horse’s cancer that we fought for a year, like my oldest daughter’s hate for me for not accepting her behaviors and her heroin addiction and the trauma she lives every day with knowing she sold heroin/morphine to her friend and then watched her die in front of her, just like my younger baby girl’s later years medical issues (possible pituitary/fertility damage) from unnecessary chemo/radiation/medication treatment from being misdiagnosed with leukemia (it was MONO!!), just like with the abuser who got me back for telling his secrets of abusing by manipulating my oldest daughter in to bed (as a heroin addicted ‘adult’ 18 yr old who he helped hate and get back at her mother), just like my sweet babies who are effected by their daddy’s sudden death, and many more of those type situations with me or people I loved most… I COULDNT HELP THEM. I CANT MAKE THAT KIND IF HURT GO AWAY AND I SURELY CANT FIND A KIND PLACE TO SIT WITH ALL THAT HURT AND DAMAGE THAT I CANNOT FIX. What’s done is done. I live with this crap in my heart and head every day, sober. No alcohol, no pills, no nothing. I’ve never been on drugs or alcohol. But I sure understand how someone might get to that point or something worse, living with an unbearable excruciating pain. I don’t know how I have. I love me, but this shit hurts and I can’t fix me.
A space for compassion opened from within. I have been working with this approach recently and I notice it is becoming more natural, less mechanical. Thank you so much for this.
I have been on this healing journey for a long time. Your words clarified for me a techique to see more clearly what to do. Your loving kindness towards the suffering one feels is so touching and comforting. I then can do this for myself and not feel afraid to sit with whatever feelings arise. Thank you
Thank you
Thank you. This one was much more dense for me, harder to find freedom, but I did receive a taste of it, and felt room for the idea that these conclusions may indeed not be fact. Feeling the effect of the arrows was illuminating, thank you.
Thank you! Enjoying Part I and Part II, especially the instructions of getting into heart and heart space. Many workshops would say go to your heart — I had no idea what that meant or how to do it. “Go to your heart” I still go blank. thank you for the words you use that inform me how to do this and what it means.
This was powerful. It helped me to identify the shame and root of the feelings I was having rather than judging myself for having them and trying to shut them down.
Thank you.
I find this exercise to be a quick effective way to dislodge a self judgement. Just used it for an on-going blame for a thought about the same situation. Once I moved it from my head to my heart it seemed to just disappear. It came back shortly. So I repeated. Guess I’ll keep doing this for this situation and see what happens. This blame on myself is like a splinter that is wedged so deep I need to soak it. Think I’ll take a mind epsom salt bath.
there is a raising sense of fairness toward myself .Honoring who i am deeply rather that judging .
Thank you so much…. This video helped me realize how much i ve been judging myself, and the head to heart To heartspace exercice helped me aknowledge the presence of overwhelming emotions but from à place je selflove, rather than from a place of selfjudgement.
I really felt opening, and a kindness to myself that I’ve longer for, for most of my adult life.
I suffer from times when I feel terrified, as the world can seem to change into a very threatening, judgemental, malicious one that wishes me harm and enjoys tormenting me. My mother had much the same. For me it can go on for months and months and leave me completely dysfunctional and wishing I could die to end the torture. It was not actually while I was doing the meditation but at some other time, it occurred to me that I am very critical and judgemental of myself and these times of torture are often after I feel I have failed people in some way. I wonder if what I’m experiencing is a projection of my own ‘voice of lordly judgement’ onto the world outside. Is this known as something that can happen? Thanks Tara for many of your teachings, they have been a gentle, kind, warm support to me.
Your images were helpful:
The flinch from the first arrow, compounded by the second arrow….
The waves of feelings, felt in the body….
The ocean, that helped make the waves seem small, and part of a larger whole.
….and then came the underlying dread that is deeper than surface feelings, but is felt as a current below the surface, and part of the ocean.
It seems I need to sit with that now. I trust that my daily practice of Mindfulness meditation has helped me prepare for this.
Thank you for your offerings, Tara. They have been very helpful—you have been a gentle guiding presence and support along the Way.
Stefanie
Very moving. I was able for the first time to put words to a longstanding self-judgement issue and feel I can with heartspace begin to address it. Thank you.
I felt an overwhelming feeling to not want letting go then willingly inside find reasons to stay with the new loving warm relief in my chest knowing that I’ll be alright . This exercise stretches my comfort zone to stay with the feeling in the moment present. Thank you ?
I have clinical depressions, but I had a really bad year last year and fell into a deep depression where there was lots of self blame. I feel better now having steps to combat my feelings and am less fearful of falling into another bad depression as winter nears. Thank you.
Perfectionism has been a constant in my life since early childhood. When I gave myself permission to have ‘negative’ emotions such as jealousy or envy, anger or resentment, that strong inner critic kicked in and berated me for these feelings. But staying with the Heartspace, breathing into the self-acceptance for having the feelings, seemed to lessen the critic’s energy. Not energizing my anger towards the critic, which has been my typical reaction, seemed to deplete her motivation. Now I realize she wants me to have internal sparring matches with her. That’s what gives her purpose, to drive my self-flaggellation for not being perfect. And I now know this is one of the main things that keeps me stuck.
Tara,
The image of the expansive ocean helped release tension in the chest and throat so that breathing was more relaxed. I was reminded of what a grief counselor once advised ” your thoughts are just thoughts” Let them flow by without judgement.
I became quite tearful and also got in touch with what I was really feeling in my heart. I was surprised at the speed and depth of the experience and internal shift.
It is such a relief to allow feelings without judgement which can so subtle and disguised at times! I felt an accepting loving warmth!
It is all starting to make sense. lately I have been thinking that I’ve not been moving forward. It would appear I have just been consolidating (subconciously) before the big push! thank you.
V, RYT, FST
Thank you Tara.
Heart space as an ocean, encompassing all feelings as waves was a big thought for me. Sitting with the hard feelings and having the image of the ocean with the waves (the hard feelings) being a part of heart space was very good. I could stay longer with the hard stuff and get to the self care more authentically. Thank you again Tara.
How to support clients who are always blaming others for difficulties in their lives, especially when it’s true that the other person is aggressive or neglectful and leaving is not an option. Thank you.
I felt a swelling in my throat, almost like I am choking myself, and realized I sabotage myself by not allowing my voice, my true self, out there to be heard and seen. I am an artist. Even writing that statement gives me a lump in my throat. At times when I am so totally immersed in my work, where I just follow my curiosity and don’t say to myself, I don’t know what I’m doing, but just follow what interests me and let my voice, my visual voice out, amazing things happen, and it feels so wonderful, so self affirming. I wish I could speed up the process of going from head to heart and it would be permanent once and for all. But I guess I have to be compassionate with myself and tell myself it takes time to form new patterns and it’s okay. But I’d sure appreciate anything you have to offer in terms of helping ingrain behaviours more quickly. Thank you so much Tara for all you do. ??
Unfortunately the guided exercise went too fast for me. I did begin to feel the “blame” sensation in my throat area. That is as far as I got. It gave me a path that I can come back to and explore the full journey.
Thank you Tara.
Adela
Tobias
Thank you Tara,
I felt an immediate sense of space and freedom and warmth throughout my body, especially in my chest and tummy area. I found repeating the words, its ok Olive really helpful. I became more acceptant of myself as worthwhile and want to trust myself with the job I strive to do! Thank you again.
Great video and reminder of the importance of being awake and using self compassion and mindfulness. While watching, I was reminded of this not only as a therapist but also in my role as a daughter and mother and the amount of judgment that comes with never feeling good enough.
When I am hurting, or in pain I judged myself of being emotionally weak. I tried to be tough but deep inside I am crushed. Doing this meditation and listening to your talks, I felt a relief through listening and feeling these pains. One of Rumi’s quotes,” You have to keep breaking your heart until it opens.”
I realised just how blocked I have been for years. It made me cry. Thank you
Tara. We always love your wisdoms at tilt365.com.
Thank you brilliant exercise to use with clients
I got a sense of calmness
Good stuff, will be a new tool In my toolbox, second arrow image will help me remember.
The space of the heart can feel unfamiliar depending on how long I operate away from it. And the longer I stay away, the more support I need from myself to enter it and to stay there. In a way it helps me see and feel just how long I had stayed more with my thoughts than with the heart. And I remember to de gentle with myself.
Thank you Tara.. such a beautiful teaching ..
Lisa
I’ve always judged myself and blamed others which never helped me or changed them. I’m realizing that kindness to myself is a far healthier solution and letting go of blame and expecting others to change frees me.
Head to heart to heart space, what powerful words of direction. Confirmed our thoughts can be negative and then changed to positive. Choices can be made and the mentality of self care is pivotal in our lives. I like it, Its OK Oscar is so rewarding and fresh.
Thank you. Its hard to feel anything resembling any loving thoughts towards myself but l will try.
Good morning ? During this exercise, I immediately felt feelings of guilt when you mentioned the blaming of others. I then became instantly defensive and realized I had judged myself in that moment. I asked myself to trust you, and I let go of it. I noticed the tense muscles in my shoulders almost melt away. I then thought about being compassionate to myself. An almost nurturing thought came to mind…I realized that the voice judging me wasn’t mine. It was the voice of my father. I had been essentially brainwashed into following that voice and not trusting my own for so long as a child, it became automatic to let it override my own. The only problem with that realization, is that it created a scary almost void sense of emptiness at the absence of my own true voice. Like it never existed. Does that make any sense? Thanks for investing in me today. I appreciate it.
So true self-judgment has never served me, well at least in the way I expected it to, like has been expressed self-encouragement has been much more helpful for me.
It’s so true for me that I feel that if I don’t judge myself that I won’t improve and that if I don’t blame others, they will continue to hurt me. Thank you for opening this awareness for me in such a generous way I’m sure it will not only transform my practice as a therapist but improve my personal life too.
I realised that I’d never really had anyone say it’s ok, I’m here… it was always about solutions and not care. I found it really helpful! Thank you!
Ah Tara so wonderful so spot on loved the stories the metaphors. Self caring self compassion way to go! I love saying it’s ok Sweetheart. I feel it so deeply and so nurturing so healing. Thank you Nameste xx
I loved ‘what am I not willing to feel right now?’
The feeling was guilt for defending myself. When moving to heart and heartspace I was aloud to defend myself, even when it wasn’t done in a nice way!
??
thank you so much! this is very helpful and actually something i started doing a couple of weeks ago. i catch myself judging and can smile and relax into whatever feeling comes up.
Thanks so much, Tara… Self-compassion the way to go…
I feel a freedom that becomes more ‘pliable’ and fitting my needs when my heart is sore as I continue to practise; this and my body naturally trying to get back to homeostasis after long term alcohol abuse.
Hugh x
I felt a sense of peace and acceptance of the feeling. It didn’t grow but just was and then it started to lessen as I focused on it. Really helpful technique that has reminded me of mindfulness-based skills I’ve stopped practising of late. Really helpful metaphors which helped me keep hold of three steps as I did them.
I have built my walls so strong over so many years I am struggling to thru these steps I know my short comings and I know I have put survival steps to keep me feeling save So for me this will be an on going process until I can stop protecting me and allow myself to be me
I just cried, tried to breath and told myself deep down I know I love me. I don’t really hate me. I’m just unhappy living with these trauma cptsd symptoms from my life experiences that I can’t make go away. I’m unhappy and dying more and more inside living with this and watching it destroy my precious time with my children and other loved ones, not being able to escape it. I’m trapped. Just like with my mom with her addiction and her own pains, my dad with his agoraphobic ways and daddy issues, my husband’s addictions and death, my horse’s cancer that we fought for a year, like my oldest daughter’s hate for me for not accepting her behaviors and her heroin addiction and the trauma she lives every day with knowing she sold heroin/morphine to her friend and then watched her die in front of her, just like my younger baby girl’s later years medical issues (possible pituitary/fertility damage) from unnecessary chemo/radiation/medication treatment from being misdiagnosed with leukemia (it was MONO!!), just like with the abuser who got me back for telling his secrets of abusing by manipulating my oldest daughter in to bed (as a heroin addicted ‘adult’ 18 yr old who he helped hate and get back at her mother), just like my sweet babies who are effected by their daddy’s sudden death, and many more of those type situations with me or people I loved most… I COULDNT HELP THEM. I CANT MAKE THAT KIND IF HURT GO AWAY AND I SURELY CANT FIND A KIND PLACE TO SIT WITH ALL THAT HURT AND DAMAGE THAT I CANNOT FIX. What’s done is done. I live with this crap in my heart and head every day, sober. No alcohol, no pills, no nothing. I’ve never been on drugs or alcohol. But I sure understand how someone might get to that point or something worse, living with an unbearable excruciating pain. I don’t know how I have. I love me, but this shit hurts and I can’t fix me.
A space for compassion opened from within. I have been working with this approach recently and I notice it is becoming more natural, less mechanical. Thank you so much for this.