I’m hanging in the Self blame cave. Can I unhook? Can I face what I don’t want to feel? I adore the analogy of heart space to ocean. I could imagine the beautiful space but it will take time and dedication to this exercise. I want the ocean! I am so tired of the cave.
When doing the head to heart, heart space exercise I was able to feel self-compassion and feeling sorry for myself started to disappear as I began saying caring words to myself and ended up feeling very soothed. Thank you very much Tara for the video!
I have listened and learned from Tara for a long time. It does take many, many rounds for me to anchor the changes in my life. This video was very comforting and affirming. I’ll be practicing! Thank you so much, Tara
I felt the same kind of tightness – aversion, fear, anger, sadness, disappointment and doubt. Then I decided to thank myself, for at least trying to shift the burden, by listening to Tara’s talk. I acknowledged my persistence at a lifetime of healing as something positive within, versus a flawed effort because always circles back to the pain. Now once again, on this turn around the healing wheel, can I let go of my grip, and release myself – this life, this lived experience, into that ocean of being?
When opening the heart and really feel the hurt feelings, my tears flushes up and they went so deep that I did wonder whether it would swallow me up. A physical sensation of softness and warmth does help to transit to the heart space stage. The visualisation of the ocean and waves also help.
The exercise of moving from head to heart to heart space enabled me to reflect on my progress and presence gratitude for the experiences and relationships that are unfolding my personal becoming and being-ness.
I approach the next steps and healing actions with a bit of apprehension—I don’t want to reset the healing by revisiting past haunts and unearthing skeletons rightly interred. I see the call in this place to be present with emotions minus the familiar patterns that elicit judgment and shame.
I noticed my feelings of insecurity manifested in my belly. As I moved to heart-space I told myself I was doing my best. There was a softening in my belly – perhaps insecurity replaced by hopefulness.
Shocked at how much time I spend blaming myself & others & realizing how this immobilizes us to a few rote behaviors making us small & rigid not open to the “ocean” around us. Think this is going to be a slow process of unwinding a tight ball of wool… Thank you for the insight.
The image of the second arrow was very telling…i shoot myself wayyy too often! I was calm and felt a little more peace after the ocean metaphor; and that all of my feelings going through this divorce are natural, expected, and part of the ocean of life. I then had some compassion for myself.
Thank you!
I have been doing many forms of Metta practice for years with you being one of the teachers that resonates with me the most. Being a trans woman who is open about and very queer, has its own unique bag of societal shame that has a way of breaking you down when you’re a child and don’t know what’s wrong besides you’re not who everyone else says you are, but you also know it’s not safe so stay quiet. As time goes on, the effects of having a single mother who was always working for us to survive and though giving an abundance of love, her own traumas and lack of being present created a deep sense of abandonment and unworthiness. As school started, bullying and added pressure of confirming to others thoughts become immense until I had a very traumatic incident with my little brother and sisters father who had come into my life at 9. I was so primed that I ended up hiding myself from myself in windowless prison where she’d be safe…
13 years went by until push came to shove and I began to embrace myself, but I had dissociated so deeply, that I had believed deeply that I didn’t deserve to exist, and that I formed how I navigated the world until transitioning. It took many years of pursuing my transition and acting career using other characters lives to try and find my own, until life aligned once again and I was able to begin this very long and arduous journey of rediscovering that I deserve to exist, and that I deserve to be loved. The amount of RAIN and yoga and therapy and finding chosen family hurts my brain if I try to think about it, but my heart space delights in the healing and love I’ve been slowly learning to give myself and reintegrate into my vulnerability of that hurt child that was abandoned so long ago. She’s full of sadness sometimes still yes, but she’s also so very full of life, joy, curiosity and wonder, and this practice, the years of seeking and healing, and sharing my story here, well I’m so very grateful that I’ve been able to help awaken others hearts that I never imagined could have changed and it inspires me to keep being courageously vulnerable enough to love my truth.
After a year of relative isolation (due to the pandemic) feelings of unworthiness really came up for me. When I was a child I was the constant target of bullying and rejection. I spent my formative years wondering what was wrong with me. The sad thing is that I formed this identity of being unlovable; someone that the people I like will not really care about once they got to know me. What I craved then – and still crave now – is connection. I want/need healthy friendships with fun-loving, like-minded souls. The sad story that I still struggle with is “the people you like have their own friends so don’t bother them.” So I give myself compassion that there is still a lot of fear around connecting with people.
I’ve been doing the “head to heart” practice for a few months. I feel
much more loving towards myself. I still awake every morning and begin a count down of my failings but I catch it sooner and I offer myself the mental image of being held and rocked and told “it’s ok. You’re okay darling”. I now stop before I’ve made my mental list of all the things I’m going to do that day to improve myself and make amends towards everyone I may have hurt. And I have found that I more quickly let go of my anger and judgement of other people. I am aware that this will be a lifelong practice for me but I also feel okay with that.
Thank you Tara, I could touch my feelings of blame, and all the feelings that touch my heart and doesn’t leave space for compassion. I need to do it once and once again…
Lola Blevins, Marriage/Family Therapy, CA, USAsays
Self judgment showed up in my throat. The image of my heart as the ocean, swelling and receding, opened my breath to soften the constriction brought on by self judgment.
I’m so very grateful for NICABM and Tara Brach providing these strategies free of charge!! I love Tara’s explanations and visual of the ocean. I’ve been stuck in this rut of self-blame for over 50 years, and it has impacted every part of my life.No matter what I do, I never feel it’s good enough. It’s going to take work to change that many years of being in my head and heart to get into my heart space, but I feel it is now a possibility thanks to you all. So grateful. So powerful. Moving onto the last video now. Namaste ?
For years I have been stuck in a repetitious cycle of failed relationships, only to wonder what I WAS DOING WRONG to attract the same archetype of partner; why I was drawn to the same attributes that ultimately were not satisfying, not contributing to my joy factor – thank you for this series of videos!!!! I have embarked on a journey of exploring my truth, finding best practices for self care and healing, and your videos and teachings resonate with me greatly!!! I feel like I have finally found something / someone who simplifies the message and the techniques to quickly provide space for acknowledging the past, actually channeling my feelings, and moving into my self love, self care, living my truth and finding the courage to love MYSELF!
Thank you for the specific steps and the visual picture of the two arrows. I have not been my own best friend or authentic self in so very long. When I paused to do the exercise, I connected to the automatic negative thoughts of my weight and disgust with my eating habits. When I moved from those negative thoughts into my heart, I started to tear up and feel both scared and loved. It was a surprising revelation and I plan on doing it more. I have so very much healing to do from years of constant negative self talk. THANK YOU
I work with women exclusively, so you can only imagine how many of my clients experience this! Thank you, Tara, for such enriching information that will undoubtedly be of great help to many of the clients with whom I work. I liked the images of “the second arrow of blame” and “the ocean and the waves”. Sensory work is where it’s at! Although this did not apply to any of my clients, I ver much appreciated your comment, “creating others as the enemy leads to violence in our society.” Thank you. ☮️ ? ?
As I drop in to my feelings, my fear of inadequacy I confront a sense of vigilance, a gendarme there creating a hollow shell of toughness so no one can see these feelings and this vulnerability. When I ask the gendarme to stand down a wave of peacefulness and calm washes over me.
Thank you for such specific instruction and imagery. It has taken me many years to become my own best friend and advocate. I have resolved to not accept self criticism. I no longer say negative things to myself. I hold loving kindness in my heart for myself so that I may view everyone else that way. This is such a compassionate reminder.
I now realize this mechanism that before was very normal for me without my being aware of it. Now I am exercising to detect the second arrow and to let go of myself to judge myself all the time. Thank you so much.
Love the image of waves as part of the ocean…..
Coming out of mind to heart to
heart space.
The second arrow of blame-
so painful on top of fear or insecurity or shame.
Truly feel kindness for hurting part- more able to sit with…..get to know
How it feels and then saying:
“Its okay, I’m here!”
I was unable to quiet my mind today I ‘m a little confused about the from head to heart to heart space. The head to heart I get; the heart to heart space? I realize this is so important and very big in my life. Thank you for offering a way out of the path of the arrows.
Feeling so much pain. All over. Shame and guilt. I know I need to do this again, right now it opens so many hurt feelings. Iam not used to be open like that.
To be prisoned in the mind by thoughts is diminishing myself. I get worried and anxious and feel isolated. When I’m present in my heart and accept what I feel I can expand into the loving essence and ferl compassion and belonging to this present life. Thenk you❤️?
I think my self rejection/self judgement/self blame could possibly for me be protection to stop severe childhood trauma ruching my consciousness. I asked myself what would happen if I stopped judging myself and I said I would fall apart. I do see that it keeps me from healing and keeps me trapped. How do you do it in a way that isn’t so overwhelming when feelings have been trapped and dissociated for so long.
I also think that I seem to have anger that flares up around when people say be kind and around offering kindness. I think kindness has been used to manipulate and abuse me as a child and also to silence me. I know that isn’t true kindness.
Thank-you for your videos they make me think and feel about how I am and why
I re-lived the self talk that keeps me small and feeling unheard. ‘It doesn’t matter what you say, no one will respond. You’re trying too hard and will push people away. You will never get the chance to fulfil your purpose’. My nickname is precious and I started to talk to her with love.
Thank you Tara,
I felt the shift from head to heart opening to sensations nd images of flowing rivers… also caught the heart to heartspace ocean image and waves that belong shifting changing…. being caught in waves of thought identity this… nd second arrow … reminded the choice to let belong nd let feelings thoughts be released into deeper presence… chest felt the expansion, into hope… ??
This was a revelation. Realized that I am and have always been watching my parents screaming at each other, wondering if they had thoughts when they were screaming at each other. My brain did not know what thoughts were but did they think at all?? in my 3 year old brain.
I knew who I was even without the words, but as I got older I realized I was not the person they seemed to see. I was someone who ate like a bird, loved to gallop and liked my silence and quiet play. I was not what these parents alluded to regarding what they argued. I needed to keep quiet when hurt or scared while demanded to speak more loudly even though I was soft spoken by nature, to eat more even though had an appetite like a bird, and not run and frolic as they seemed to be so much against. So. confused as to who they wanted me to be but surely not who I know myself to be.
Later I also learned to bicycle fast for hours away from the male perp caretaker I was exposed to at age 5. This went on for six years and life then went really down hill as I was able to repress people in my life as not caring or loving or especially kind.
So shut down in so many ways I was still able as I matured to be the caring person people sought for comfort. This video helped me realize who I really am. Need to realize that young girl, although hurtfully abuse in more ways that any young child should be exposed, in some ways I was two people, not separate personalties but still two separate people, one who I was born to be and one parents wrongly created.
Today I am that young child, aware of people, still wondering if people think when they talk, observant of others, able to keep the shut down when needed around toxic people but no longer a numb youth. I lost my physical youth but still love to gallop in my mind, and wish for agility I had back in the day. Even if I cannot leap and gallop, my mind still can.
Thanks for this renewal of spirit. It is time. Need to keep that person in my office and help move people forward to help them harness their repressed free spirit.
I’m hanging in the Self blame cave. Can I unhook? Can I face what I don’t want to feel? I adore the analogy of heart space to ocean. I could imagine the beautiful space but it will take time and dedication to this exercise. I want the ocean! I am so tired of the cave.
I am having a hard time figuring out how I’m judging myself. I’m very anxious and in emotional pain
Something that I will try. Thankyou
When doing the head to heart, heart space exercise I was able to feel self-compassion and feeling sorry for myself started to disappear as I began saying caring words to myself and ended up feeling very soothed. Thank you very much Tara for the video!
Awakening from the pain to the suffering of an other, allowing myself to connect with my own feelings. Thank you for this awareness exercise.
I have listened and learned from Tara for a long time. It does take many, many rounds for me to anchor the changes in my life. This video was very comforting and affirming. I’ll be practicing! Thank you so much, Tara
I felt the same kind of tightness – aversion, fear, anger, sadness, disappointment and doubt. Then I decided to thank myself, for at least trying to shift the burden, by listening to Tara’s talk. I acknowledged my persistence at a lifetime of healing as something positive within, versus a flawed effort because always circles back to the pain. Now once again, on this turn around the healing wheel, can I let go of my grip, and release myself – this life, this lived experience, into that ocean of being?
When opening the heart and really feel the hurt feelings, my tears flushes up and they went so deep that I did wonder whether it would swallow me up. A physical sensation of softness and warmth does help to transit to the heart space stage. The visualisation of the ocean and waves also help.
The exercise of moving from head to heart to heart space enabled me to reflect on my progress and presence gratitude for the experiences and relationships that are unfolding my personal becoming and being-ness.
I approach the next steps and healing actions with a bit of apprehension—I don’t want to reset the healing by revisiting past haunts and unearthing skeletons rightly interred. I see the call in this place to be present with emotions minus the familiar patterns that elicit judgment and shame.
Next step, little one. Next step.
I noticed my feelings of insecurity manifested in my belly. As I moved to heart-space I told myself I was doing my best. There was a softening in my belly – perhaps insecurity replaced by hopefulness.
Shocked at how much time I spend blaming myself & others & realizing how this immobilizes us to a few rote behaviors making us small & rigid not open to the “ocean” around us. Think this is going to be a slow process of unwinding a tight ball of wool… Thank you for the insight.
I like the idea of the ocean and the waves.
And the heart space ?
The image of the second arrow was very telling…i shoot myself wayyy too often! I was calm and felt a little more peace after the ocean metaphor; and that all of my feelings going through this divorce are natural, expected, and part of the ocean of life. I then had some compassion for myself.
Thank you!
I like the analogy of the trap. Practicing compassion and understanding is freeing.
Thank you
Cory
I have been doing many forms of Metta practice for years with you being one of the teachers that resonates with me the most. Being a trans woman who is open about and very queer, has its own unique bag of societal shame that has a way of breaking you down when you’re a child and don’t know what’s wrong besides you’re not who everyone else says you are, but you also know it’s not safe so stay quiet. As time goes on, the effects of having a single mother who was always working for us to survive and though giving an abundance of love, her own traumas and lack of being present created a deep sense of abandonment and unworthiness. As school started, bullying and added pressure of confirming to others thoughts become immense until I had a very traumatic incident with my little brother and sisters father who had come into my life at 9. I was so primed that I ended up hiding myself from myself in windowless prison where she’d be safe…
13 years went by until push came to shove and I began to embrace myself, but I had dissociated so deeply, that I had believed deeply that I didn’t deserve to exist, and that I formed how I navigated the world until transitioning. It took many years of pursuing my transition and acting career using other characters lives to try and find my own, until life aligned once again and I was able to begin this very long and arduous journey of rediscovering that I deserve to exist, and that I deserve to be loved. The amount of RAIN and yoga and therapy and finding chosen family hurts my brain if I try to think about it, but my heart space delights in the healing and love I’ve been slowly learning to give myself and reintegrate into my vulnerability of that hurt child that was abandoned so long ago. She’s full of sadness sometimes still yes, but she’s also so very full of life, joy, curiosity and wonder, and this practice, the years of seeking and healing, and sharing my story here, well I’m so very grateful that I’ve been able to help awaken others hearts that I never imagined could have changed and it inspires me to keep being courageously vulnerable enough to love my truth.
Forever Grateful,
Alexia Jasmene
Like Jennifer, the practice from head to heart to heartspace brought me peace and less self-judgement.
PS: I’m not fond of your video illustrations. I would rather watch you talk.
It is hard and takes time.
After a year of relative isolation (due to the pandemic) feelings of unworthiness really came up for me. When I was a child I was the constant target of bullying and rejection. I spent my formative years wondering what was wrong with me. The sad thing is that I formed this identity of being unlovable; someone that the people I like will not really care about once they got to know me. What I craved then – and still crave now – is connection. I want/need healthy friendships with fun-loving, like-minded souls. The sad story that I still struggle with is “the people you like have their own friends so don’t bother them.” So I give myself compassion that there is still a lot of fear around connecting with people.
A deep awareness of healing through breathing with a feeling.
I felt intense grief and tightening in my whole body. I then was able to touch my heart and say it’s ok I’m here and I felt some peace.
I’ve been doing the “head to heart” practice for a few months. I feel
much more loving towards myself. I still awake every morning and begin a count down of my failings but I catch it sooner and I offer myself the mental image of being held and rocked and told “it’s ok. You’re okay darling”. I now stop before I’ve made my mental list of all the things I’m going to do that day to improve myself and make amends towards everyone I may have hurt. And I have found that I more quickly let go of my anger and judgement of other people. I am aware that this will be a lifelong practice for me but I also feel okay with that.
Thank you Tara, I could touch my feelings of blame, and all the feelings that touch my heart and doesn’t leave space for compassion. I need to do it once and once again…
Self judgment showed up in my throat. The image of my heart as the ocean, swelling and receding, opened my breath to soften the constriction brought on by self judgment.
I’m so very grateful for NICABM and Tara Brach providing these strategies free of charge!! I love Tara’s explanations and visual of the ocean. I’ve been stuck in this rut of self-blame for over 50 years, and it has impacted every part of my life.No matter what I do, I never feel it’s good enough. It’s going to take work to change that many years of being in my head and heart to get into my heart space, but I feel it is now a possibility thanks to you all. So grateful. So powerful. Moving onto the last video now. Namaste ?
For years I have been stuck in a repetitious cycle of failed relationships, only to wonder what I WAS DOING WRONG to attract the same archetype of partner; why I was drawn to the same attributes that ultimately were not satisfying, not contributing to my joy factor – thank you for this series of videos!!!! I have embarked on a journey of exploring my truth, finding best practices for self care and healing, and your videos and teachings resonate with me greatly!!! I feel like I have finally found something / someone who simplifies the message and the techniques to quickly provide space for acknowledging the past, actually channeling my feelings, and moving into my self love, self care, living my truth and finding the courage to love MYSELF!
Thank you for the specific steps and the visual picture of the two arrows. I have not been my own best friend or authentic self in so very long. When I paused to do the exercise, I connected to the automatic negative thoughts of my weight and disgust with my eating habits. When I moved from those negative thoughts into my heart, I started to tear up and feel both scared and loved. It was a surprising revelation and I plan on doing it more. I have so very much healing to do from years of constant negative self talk. THANK YOU
Love the image of waves and ocean,
That is very helpful.
Thank you for sharing these valuable practices??
I work with women exclusively, so you can only imagine how many of my clients experience this! Thank you, Tara, for such enriching information that will undoubtedly be of great help to many of the clients with whom I work. I liked the images of “the second arrow of blame” and “the ocean and the waves”. Sensory work is where it’s at! Although this did not apply to any of my clients, I ver much appreciated your comment, “creating others as the enemy leads to violence in our society.” Thank you. ☮️ ? ?
As I drop in to my feelings, my fear of inadequacy I confront a sense of vigilance, a gendarme there creating a hollow shell of toughness so no one can see these feelings and this vulnerability. When I ask the gendarme to stand down a wave of peacefulness and calm washes over me.
Peace. Especially listening to the comments of its all right. I feel I can detach from self criticism now.
Your encouragement is wonderful. Thank you
Thank you for such specific instruction and imagery. It has taken me many years to become my own best friend and advocate. I have resolved to not accept self criticism. I no longer say negative things to myself. I hold loving kindness in my heart for myself so that I may view everyone else that way. This is such a compassionate reminder.
I now realize this mechanism that before was very normal for me without my being aware of it. Now I am exercising to detect the second arrow and to let go of myself to judge myself all the time. Thank you so much.
Love the image of waves as part of the ocean…..
Coming out of mind to heart to
heart space.
The second arrow of blame-
so painful on top of fear or insecurity or shame.
Truly feel kindness for hurting part- more able to sit with…..get to know
How it feels and then saying:
“Its okay, I’m here!”
I was unable to quiet my mind today I ‘m a little confused about the from head to heart to heart space. The head to heart I get; the heart to heart space? I realize this is so important and very big in my life. Thank you for offering a way out of the path of the arrows.
Deep softening – my whole body relaxed the bracing
A little more breath, a little more tenderness, a little more compassion and care for myself. The ho’ oponopono prayer over and over. KP
Thank you so much for this exercise. It was amazing to feel open. I love the ocean metaphor.
Feeling so much pain. All over. Shame and guilt. I know I need to do this again, right now it opens so many hurt feelings. Iam not used to be open like that.
Tears and calm emerged together. A tender space that thoughts alone cannot create. A momentary release from the unconscious grip…
Thank you for a heartwarming experience.
To be prisoned in the mind by thoughts is diminishing myself. I get worried and anxious and feel isolated. When I’m present in my heart and accept what I feel I can expand into the loving essence and ferl compassion and belonging to this present life. Thenk you❤️?
Tenderness. Soft soothing. Connection. Ease.
I think my self rejection/self judgement/self blame could possibly for me be protection to stop severe childhood trauma ruching my consciousness. I asked myself what would happen if I stopped judging myself and I said I would fall apart. I do see that it keeps me from healing and keeps me trapped. How do you do it in a way that isn’t so overwhelming when feelings have been trapped and dissociated for so long.
I also think that I seem to have anger that flares up around when people say be kind and around offering kindness. I think kindness has been used to manipulate and abuse me as a child and also to silence me. I know that isn’t true kindness.
Thank-you for your videos they make me think and feel about how I am and why
I found that the use of the name my mother used when talking to me opened up kindness and tenderness towards my judgemental self.
I re-lived the self talk that keeps me small and feeling unheard. ‘It doesn’t matter what you say, no one will respond. You’re trying too hard and will push people away. You will never get the chance to fulfil your purpose’. My nickname is precious and I started to talk to her with love.
I saw a new perspective of how I could preceded in the future, to not fall into the same pattern that makes me disappointed in myself.
Melting. And a sense I am not much different from so many others.
Thank you Tara,
I felt the shift from head to heart opening to sensations nd images of flowing rivers… also caught the heart to heartspace ocean image and waves that belong shifting changing…. being caught in waves of thought identity this… nd second arrow … reminded the choice to let belong nd let feelings thoughts be released into deeper presence… chest felt the expansion, into hope… ??
Felt very sad
This was a revelation. Realized that I am and have always been watching my parents screaming at each other, wondering if they had thoughts when they were screaming at each other. My brain did not know what thoughts were but did they think at all?? in my 3 year old brain.
I knew who I was even without the words, but as I got older I realized I was not the person they seemed to see. I was someone who ate like a bird, loved to gallop and liked my silence and quiet play. I was not what these parents alluded to regarding what they argued. I needed to keep quiet when hurt or scared while demanded to speak more loudly even though I was soft spoken by nature, to eat more even though had an appetite like a bird, and not run and frolic as they seemed to be so much against. So. confused as to who they wanted me to be but surely not who I know myself to be.
Later I also learned to bicycle fast for hours away from the male perp caretaker I was exposed to at age 5. This went on for six years and life then went really down hill as I was able to repress people in my life as not caring or loving or especially kind.
So shut down in so many ways I was still able as I matured to be the caring person people sought for comfort. This video helped me realize who I really am. Need to realize that young girl, although hurtfully abuse in more ways that any young child should be exposed, in some ways I was two people, not separate personalties but still two separate people, one who I was born to be and one parents wrongly created.
Today I am that young child, aware of people, still wondering if people think when they talk, observant of others, able to keep the shut down when needed around toxic people but no longer a numb youth. I lost my physical youth but still love to gallop in my mind, and wish for agility I had back in the day. Even if I cannot leap and gallop, my mind still can.
Thanks for this renewal of spirit. It is time. Need to keep that person in my office and help move people forward to help them harness their repressed free spirit.
Marcy, your story triggers me. I feel empathy for the two Kids. I am wandering what really soothens the wounds.
From heart to heart!