I cried and hugged myself and can see a way forward that I have never tried before. I need to be kinder to myself and go from head to heart much more often. Thank you Tara
Thank you Tara and NICABM for this lovely series.
I found the analogy of the ocean and waves most helpful in identifying heart space. I saw how many second arrows i aim at myself and felt sad. Breathing in kindness helped ease chest tension.
I look forward to more practise with this technique.
With love and appreciation.
Angela
Even though I have a practice, when I am tired and even weary, it is easy to slip into old patterns. The Kingdom of mercy, rather than blame and judgment, is a place of grace and kindness.
It’s like I’m starting to come back home.Last week I tried writing and doing a collage…Somehow the being with myself like with this video is the first step.
Thank you again!
Thank you. This is so helpful and validating. Especially understanding that self-condemning is not the way to improving and knowing the specific methods that will help.
I’ve heard this before from you and it has made a lasting impact on me. I try to find ways to teach this to my special education students who are locked in their emotions in a dysfunctional way.
Compassion for that little girl so long ago.
Compassion for that teenager so long ago.
Compassion for that young mother so long ago.
Compassion for that woman in her thirties so long ago.
Compassion for that divorced woman so long ago.
Compassion for that professional woman so long ago.
Compassion for that woman who struggled with depression so long ago.
Compassion for that woman as she gracefully ages.
Compassion towards myself as I am now.
Thank you Tara for this exercise.
Like a few others, I also found the background music very distracting. Couldn’t really focus on Tara’s message because my mind was busy trying to ignore the music.
Hi Tara – I’m in my early 50s, and what I realised I’m afraid of is feeling empty. If I’m not critiquing me, interested in the various thoughts and feelings and thoughts and inner criticisms, I’m frightened that there’s nothing there. I’m learning about cPTSD, and have almost the full house of childhood ACE indicators. I’ve lived a good and full life – married, children, education, I’ve been so very lucky and fortunate – but despite rushing forward, forward, forward and away from my childhood – somehow it’s all still there, as my life starts to quieten down. It’s all still there, hurting me – chronic illness, depressions, isolating myself – doing this exercise made me realise how afraid I am that without this lifetime critic/critique, however unhealthy it is, that somehow I’ll be truly empty without it. Any thoughts on how to work with that feeling?
Thank you Tara. It was liberating and empowering. It is simple but powerful. I’m aware of the deep, strong and ingrained habit of harsh self-judgment and the path that I’ve learned today can become a self-care habit that needs regular but kind practice. ?
Thank you for this very helpful picture of the double arrow. Also the image of the ocean and waves are great excercices and I will definitely use it with my patients.
“I’m not good enough.” This is where I felt I was falling short, and shooting myself with the second arrow. As I breathed, I felt my vulnerability, and have always felt it most intensely as huge ‘butterflies’ of anxiety in my stomach, and also a new feeling of a tightening and restriction in my throat. The kind words that came to me were, “You are good enough, you are more than good enough, you have always been more than good enough.” Also a comforting, gentle rub of my stomach and I told myself, “you can sit with this discomfort and be ok.” “I’ve got you M.” “I’m here for you little M.” “I’ll take care of you.” ❤️
the image of the double arrow is very helpful … a form of very unhelpful self-monitoring. I didn’t have time to think and feel through the exercise during the video, as I was considering the ideas that Tara had just introduced. However, I will definitely try it
Moving from Head to Heart, I immediately felt a heavy weight and my breathe and anxiety increased. Trying to move to Heartspace, I felt a sort of surrending and acceptance, giving me the space to breath and reconnect to myself.
This was surprising. I’ve always found it so difficult to sit with the emotion, even to find that emotion. This time it was different; I didn’t need to name the emotion just acknowledge the tightness in my throat and chest and It did soften! I feel a sense of peace now. Thankyou Tara x
Trying to feel where the vulnerability was….drew me to my throat area….restriction for various reason…self critical talk …yes…and lack of voice to speak up and have my own voice heard…interesting few videos and timing is spot on for me currently….kind tegards and thanks…
I felt this sensation of enlightness, as if my heart was expanding. Also sadness fell over me. I struggled to stay with it, wanted to go back to my head…my safe space for years.
I find the ideas in this very helpful but I experienced the music as really distracting when trying to do the exercise – is it possible to access a music free version?
A good video which endeavours to give a way to understand the application of self kindness.
Those of us who seek understanding of ourselves will benefit.
The arrow and ocean analogies are very helpful.
However, Perhaps self judgement is important in our lives, as I feel sometimes people forget to assess or are oblivious to their behaviour & hurt others. These people may be unaware of kindness to others.
Thank you. I could identify with the sense of inadequacy and not living according to my true self, so felt some relief, but just now these are overwhelming so I look forward to the next video.
These videos are a beautiful resource and I am thankful that you have shared them with everyone. I am reminded that there will continue to be moments when I naturally fall back into moments of self judged and that those moments offer opportunities to align with my emotions, to recognize what I truly feel and to understand how to unhook from thoughts. In essence, this is a daily practice for mindfulness and self compassion that will lead me to more loving self care and self understanding. Thank you.
Got in touch with how entrench my defenses are. I need to do video 3 and then redo all 3 to integrate this self compassion process. Grateful for these videos. Feel hope.
I liked the metaphor of the ocean and waves analogy. However, I strongly disagree with Tara’s comments at the end of the video: “When someone triggers us, it’s not easy to release blame and reopen our heart. So often we may be afraid that if we stop judging that other person they will never change or worse they will continue to hurt us or others.”
People need to take responsibility for their own feelings (words/actions). We get triggered because we allow ourselves to be triggered. It is not the other person’s fault. Triggering is based on some unresolved emotional issue from our past that has not been released from our body yet. Emotions come from within, not from without. If another person triggers us, it just serves to remind us that we have unresolved emotional issues and we need to identify to ourselves what is going on. It is not fair to blame others for our own personal triggers or to take on other people’s emotions/issues. Just give internal thanks to the person in gratitude for reminding you that you still have a lot of work to do on yourself. Stop judging the other person and judge yourself instead. The person who needs to change is you, not others (which you have no control over anyway). The hurt one feels comes from within you not from those who inflict it upon you. Hurt is a choice just like any other emotion. The finger of blame one points with comes back to one like a boomerang. Working with Greg Baer’s books on Real Love helped me to get better at letting go of blame and taking more personal accountability for my own feelings and acceptance of others.
The second arrow of self judgement seems to have always gone to my heart, leaving me continually sad and without hope of ever silencing my negative self-judgement. But, knowing there is still the heart space to rely on brings a new-found hope for changing self-judgement to self compassion and self- nurturing. Thanks!
I almost thought I wasn’t going to be able to move to the 3rd step. My heart felt hurt and tight as I moved from head to heart. But, the heart space came as I listened to the suggestions and imagined the waves of the ocean. I would like to have this feeling more present in my life. Thank you. I look forward to more.
I was reminded of DBT consultation team, observation role of identifying all of the judgmental statements, and the use of surfing the emotions, and letting go . So that is a part of my daily spiritual practice, to notice asap, judgments/self judgments, sitting with my experience, and opening space in my heart which is connected to all that is.
The 3 step process was very helpful. I will definitely try it. Visualizing the ocean and the waves as feelings was a great image. I appreciated the examples of self care. Overall I felt relieved, more relaxed and uplifted.
I love the visual of the ocean and the waves. Can also be used as a reminder to go with the flow. Definitely learning to be kind to myself. I’m putting me on the top of my to do list everyday. A life changing peacefulness is taking place ?? Thank you for these videos
This is so liberating.. thank you…
I cried and hugged myself and can see a way forward that I have never tried before. I need to be kinder to myself and go from head to heart much more often. Thank you Tara
Thank you Tara and NICABM for this lovely series.
I found the analogy of the ocean and waves most helpful in identifying heart space. I saw how many second arrows i aim at myself and felt sad. Breathing in kindness helped ease chest tension.
I look forward to more practise with this technique.
With love and appreciation.
Angela
Even though I have a practice, when I am tired and even weary, it is easy to slip into old patterns. The Kingdom of mercy, rather than blame and judgment, is a place of grace and kindness.
It’s like I’m starting to come back home.Last week I tried writing and doing a collage…Somehow the being with myself like with this video is the first step.
Thank you again!
This really facilitates to be more Intraconnected.
Thanks,
Olaf
Thank you. This is so helpful and validating. Especially understanding that self-condemning is not the way to improving and knowing the specific methods that will help.
Thank you. I felt open. Peacefulness. Light. Hope. Blessings be with all of you.
Feel more connected now
It was a relief. It was raising an awareness as to how often I cause myself pain through being harsh on myself.
Thank you. Bringing these three compassionate steps of self awareness helped me to soften my expectations of self and others.
I’ve heard this before from you and it has made a lasting impact on me. I try to find ways to teach this to my special education students who are locked in their emotions in a dysfunctional way.
Compassion for that little girl so long ago.
Compassion for that teenager so long ago.
Compassion for that young mother so long ago.
Compassion for that woman in her thirties so long ago.
Compassion for that divorced woman so long ago.
Compassion for that professional woman so long ago.
Compassion for that woman who struggled with depression so long ago.
Compassion for that woman as she gracefully ages.
Compassion towards myself as I am now.
Thank you Tara for this exercise.
this is beautiful x
Like a few others, I also found the background music very distracting. Couldn’t really focus on Tara’s message because my mind was busy trying to ignore the music.
That whatever I experience is completely private.
I felt an internal softening and feelings of self love. They were warm and welcoming.
Hi Tara – I’m in my early 50s, and what I realised I’m afraid of is feeling empty. If I’m not critiquing me, interested in the various thoughts and feelings and thoughts and inner criticisms, I’m frightened that there’s nothing there. I’m learning about cPTSD, and have almost the full house of childhood ACE indicators. I’ve lived a good and full life – married, children, education, I’ve been so very lucky and fortunate – but despite rushing forward, forward, forward and away from my childhood – somehow it’s all still there, as my life starts to quieten down. It’s all still there, hurting me – chronic illness, depressions, isolating myself – doing this exercise made me realise how afraid I am that without this lifetime critic/critique, however unhealthy it is, that somehow I’ll be truly empty without it. Any thoughts on how to work with that feeling?
Thank you Tara. It was liberating and empowering. It is simple but powerful. I’m aware of the deep, strong and ingrained habit of harsh self-judgment and the path that I’ve learned today can become a self-care habit that needs regular but kind practice. ?
Thank you for this very helpful picture of the double arrow. Also the image of the ocean and waves are great excercices and I will definitely use it with my patients.
“I’m not good enough.” This is where I felt I was falling short, and shooting myself with the second arrow. As I breathed, I felt my vulnerability, and have always felt it most intensely as huge ‘butterflies’ of anxiety in my stomach, and also a new feeling of a tightening and restriction in my throat. The kind words that came to me were, “You are good enough, you are more than good enough, you have always been more than good enough.” Also a comforting, gentle rub of my stomach and I told myself, “you can sit with this discomfort and be ok.” “I’ve got you M.” “I’m here for you little M.” “I’ll take care of you.” ❤️
It was really helpful to get out of my head and seek my heart
I felt fragile
the image of the double arrow is very helpful … a form of very unhelpful self-monitoring. I didn’t have time to think and feel through the exercise during the video, as I was considering the ideas that Tara had just introduced. However, I will definitely try it
Moving from Head to Heart, I immediately felt a heavy weight and my breathe and anxiety increased. Trying to move to Heartspace, I felt a sort of surrending and acceptance, giving me the space to breath and reconnect to myself.
This was surprising. I’ve always found it so difficult to sit with the emotion, even to find that emotion. This time it was different; I didn’t need to name the emotion just acknowledge the tightness in my throat and chest and It did soften! I feel a sense of peace now. Thankyou Tara x
Trying to feel where the vulnerability was….drew me to my throat area….restriction for various reason…self critical talk …yes…and lack of voice to speak up and have my own voice heard…interesting few videos and timing is spot on for me currently….kind tegards and thanks…
I felt this sensation of enlightness, as if my heart was expanding. Also sadness fell over me. I struggled to stay with it, wanted to go back to my head…my safe space for years.
Thank you for another practical and powerful practice.
Hello Tara
Thank you for this information. I can see it but I’m not getting any result tonight but I am certainly going to practice tomorrow.
kind regards
Margaret
I find the ideas in this very helpful but I experienced the music as really distracting when trying to do the exercise – is it possible to access a music free version?
I could sense a softening in my body and mind.
A good video which endeavours to give a way to understand the application of self kindness.
Those of us who seek understanding of ourselves will benefit.
The arrow and ocean analogies are very helpful.
However, Perhaps self judgement is important in our lives, as I feel sometimes people forget to assess or are oblivious to their behaviour & hurt others. These people may be unaware of kindness to others.
A really thought provoking video.
Thank you.
Now for video 3
I went from ‘cranky’ to ‘kindness ‘. Thank you for your wise words
?
It opened up a deep space for more compassion towards myself and others.
Thank you. I could identify with the sense of inadequacy and not living according to my true self, so felt some relief, but just now these are overwhelming so I look forward to the next video.
I allowed the forgiveness and compassion I give others to penetrate my heart for myself.
I felt a start of relief ! To be continued …
These videos are a beautiful resource and I am thankful that you have shared them with everyone. I am reminded that there will continue to be moments when I naturally fall back into moments of self judged and that those moments offer opportunities to align with my emotions, to recognize what I truly feel and to understand how to unhook from thoughts. In essence, this is a daily practice for mindfulness and self compassion that will lead me to more loving self care and self understanding. Thank you.
I find it difficult to connect to the feelings part, where it is in the body and how it feels. It is easier to think about it!
Got in touch with how entrench my defenses are. I need to do video 3 and then redo all 3 to integrate this self compassion process. Grateful for these videos. Feel hope.
I liked the metaphor of the ocean and waves analogy. However, I strongly disagree with Tara’s comments at the end of the video: “When someone triggers us, it’s not easy to release blame and reopen our heart. So often we may be afraid that if we stop judging that other person they will never change or worse they will continue to hurt us or others.”
People need to take responsibility for their own feelings (words/actions). We get triggered because we allow ourselves to be triggered. It is not the other person’s fault. Triggering is based on some unresolved emotional issue from our past that has not been released from our body yet. Emotions come from within, not from without. If another person triggers us, it just serves to remind us that we have unresolved emotional issues and we need to identify to ourselves what is going on. It is not fair to blame others for our own personal triggers or to take on other people’s emotions/issues. Just give internal thanks to the person in gratitude for reminding you that you still have a lot of work to do on yourself. Stop judging the other person and judge yourself instead. The person who needs to change is you, not others (which you have no control over anyway). The hurt one feels comes from within you not from those who inflict it upon you. Hurt is a choice just like any other emotion. The finger of blame one points with comes back to one like a boomerang. Working with Greg Baer’s books on Real Love helped me to get better at letting go of blame and taking more personal accountability for my own feelings and acceptance of others.
The second arrow of self judgement seems to have always gone to my heart, leaving me continually sad and without hope of ever silencing my negative self-judgement. But, knowing there is still the heart space to rely on brings a new-found hope for changing self-judgement to self compassion and self- nurturing. Thanks!
I almost thought I wasn’t going to be able to move to the 3rd step. My heart felt hurt and tight as I moved from head to heart. But, the heart space came as I listened to the suggestions and imagined the waves of the ocean. I would like to have this feeling more present in my life. Thank you. I look forward to more.
I was reminded of DBT consultation team, observation role of identifying all of the judgmental statements, and the use of surfing the emotions, and letting go . So that is a part of my daily spiritual practice, to notice asap, judgments/self judgments, sitting with my experience, and opening space in my heart which is connected to all that is.
I began to feel free; a sense of calmness flowed throughout my body, my throat relaxed, chest loosened and my belly relaxed. I truly felt free.
Love going from the head to the heart space and especially the analogy of the ocean. Very comforting.
Head to heart to heart space was an interesting exercise. It seems to expand my heart space. Looking forward to the next video
The 3 step process was very helpful. I will definitely try it. Visualizing the ocean and the waves as feelings was a great image. I appreciated the examples of self care. Overall I felt relieved, more relaxed and uplifted.
I love the visual of the ocean and the waves. Can also be used as a reminder to go with the flow. Definitely learning to be kind to myself. I’m putting me on the top of my to do list everyday. A life changing peacefulness is taking place ?? Thank you for these videos
awareness need to watch 3 parts
need watch all
awarness