Thank you Tara for your care. . I imagine I would feel free of the burden and stress caused by judgement and blame. I imagine it would feel light and expanding, not contracting of judgement and blame. I am so thankful hit your offerings and work. They have often vine to be as the perfect medicine I am needing at the time. Thank you again. ❤️Annie
That was a very simple to follow set of instructions to do something that seems so impossible to do usually…or can take days of exhausting grabbling with. Its helpful to have this really effective too to get to the root of whats going on with confidence and come away feeling much lighter and with less blame for you and the other.
Thank you, Tara!
These talks have helped me through some tough stuff. I appreciate the examples of the “second arrow”, and “leg in a trap”. Simple, yet so easy to relate to,
Thank you. The U-turn practice is an excellent reframe and a wonderful way to look at starting & cultivating a self-compassion practice. I look forward to learning more about your offering at NICABM.
I watched all three of the video’s. I see value in what your preaching for SELF; But I also know we have people in the street destroying anything and everything in their path.
I see no remorse coming from those who are doing the destruction, or justification for their actions So, I wont forgive them or let them off the hook for their action. Jesus said ” Judge ye not or you shall be judged. But My interpretation is Jesus is telling us not to judge the Heart or Soul. you might want to focus on those who would do harm to the body politic. I have not the time or patience forgiving those who wontedly destroy what is not theirs! I can and will live with that position until I’m placed in the ground.
The u-turn tool and the self-compassion moment were both helpful in the short term. These would need to be implemented with frequency to help you work toward the peace you would seek. Thank you for the insight.
Thank you Tara, I find your wise words and gentle structured guidance inspirational, hopeful and most of all full of love.
I am slowing down more, taking time to consider and reflect and feel compassion for myself and others in this sometimes crazy, inexplicable world. Keep up your good work, you are an anchor in the present for me.
Karen Vollmer-Poseley, Counseling, Priest River, ID, USAsays
Thank you Tara for your gentle, compassionate guidance in healing. As a well seasoned survivor, myself and now a counselor at 62 years of age I have stronger, deeper compassion for myself, first! My “turn around time” is one of my strengths. Thank you!
Listening to this and the story you related, I thought about my own wounded heart in relationship with my father. I chose to be present and help him throughout the loss of my mother, his beloved wife, and his own decline and death. I was able to experience the difficulty of staying present and supporting him to the best of my ability. There were many emotions throughout – anger, resentment, some contentment and gratitude for being able to be attentive. I struggled too because I always wanted my father to really tell me just how much he loved me. Though he would say it, I also didn’t feel it because of carrying the trauma of emotionally wounding messages when I was growing up. I really wanted affirmation and approval and my dad could not really meet that need.
I was by his side when he took his last breath, praying for his peace and telling him that I forgave him and, though I had previously, express my wish that he forgave me for all the hurts I caused, knowingly or unknowingly.
When I listened to this story and talk, I started crying about my vulnerability with my father and my heart felt more open.
Thank you.
So,
Thank you for ur talking on this topic .. passing on generational chronic blame & not encouraging the get up & go again when something does not work .. it’s ok .. the complexity of ADHD & ODD can really tare up young minds & hearts into a hopeless self belief u are no good…. thank u for talking is a really clear , positive , fresh & beautiful way .. Of course there’s always hope .. don’t let that go … each new day allows us to start fresh with the new dawn …
Thankyou for this. It gave me the opportunity to release the hurt I felt when many years ago I shared with my mother what I thought was superb news of being pregnant. I was married, had started a new job and was in a stable safe relationship, but rather that the euphoric response I was expecting, the one she had always given to my other siblings at exactly the same news, I felt criticised, told off and judged.
Today allowed me to feel the worry and concern she held for me with the huge responsibilty that comes with having as child esp when I had just started a new job that may not be as stable because of future maternity commitments. She was trying to keep me safe , she had always had to work so hard to help keep the family fed and together, sometimes at the detriment of what she truly wanted to be doing with us kids as a family.I felt her wounded place of worry and fear of ever not being able to provide for us was what she shared that day.Sadly it overshadowed the joy she could have experienced with me.I felt compassion for her as I listend in to my story, and hope that although she is no longer with me she felt that too.
Thank you. These are not new practices, but every moment something new arises. The more I practice self-compassion the more it makes sense to do it!!
Thanks again.
Eric Rubin-Perez, Counseling, Huntington , NY, USAsays
I found making a u-turn very therapeutic. Rather than focusing on my anger towards my brother, I was able to focus more on myself and the sadness I was feeling. I don’t feel as angry.
This was timely. I find myself feeling anger that I have not felt for years. I friend hurt my badly recently and I am struggling with the blame game and owning my own emotions. Yes this stuff even happens to therapists. God, I feel hurt and betrayed. She has told others that I have not been there for and that has caused people to pick sides and defriended me or write me snotgrams about what a horrible person I am. Not one including the friend can give me an example of how I have been horrible to her. I helped her move from her drunk abusive boyfriend and provided comfort for her. I encouraged her to get into a cbt course. I cancelled my plans to hang out with her when she was down. I encouraged her to get involved in community, walk and notice the little things in life. The past year she has pushed me away and now tells others I am not supporting her. It is a page right out of a clients story. I am shocked, stunned and so deeply hurt. She is right in a away, when she pushed me away, a gave her room. I still checked in every few weeks and got snotty answers back or nothing at all. Anyway, timely piece. Good reminders about self compassion. I have been struggling with anger and trying to figure out what the heck I did to make her feel I was not supporting her. I realize I cannot do this because there may never be an answer. I need to work on dealing with the anger and hurt and moving it towards self-compassion. Thx
I’m extremely grateful for the imaging given in these videos, especially seeing others and myself in our traps. I believe this will help me come to a place of healing in my relationships with others and self. I also find the U-Turn useful in helping me focus on what’s happening inside my heart and mind. Thanks for everything!
Kay Eldredge, Another Field, Bridgehampton, NY, USAsays
I’d like to be free of resentments and anger. After listening to you about this, I find I actually can do that when I think more clearly about what was faced by those who made me feel those things. I could see and understand their own vulnerabilities. But it’s too late now for me to be understanding in person. I can only hope I can heal myself by understanding them better, though they are gone.
U-turn toward self compassion is what I need, thank you. I give way TOO MUCH compassion, understanding, and behavior tolerance for wounded people. I feel conditioned and obligated to put others first (codependent) ending up resentful to both. I am healing, but sometimes abandon my needs and painful feelings. Boundaries are disrespected. Do you offer classes on healthy boundaries? How to maintain them, esp regarding family members, who don’t think they’re abusive.
All my life, at least as far as I can remember, I have desired to open my heart and experience love. Because of early childhood wounding, my heart is very guarded and closed. This has been an issue with my partner, my daughter and my friends. These simple practices which you are offering are very helpful. I am now old, in my 70s, but I feel as though my heart is just learning to be alive, to be joyful. Thank you for your offering. It is very healing.
Police removed my ex from our family home because they believed my life was in danger .
My adult children did not believe me and supported the ex . It is the 2nd yr since the physical assault and it has hit me that this happened
Like waking up from a haze is lifted i had not processsed.
Tara you requested the situation ..thank you for showing self compassion i feel abandoned ,hurt and betrayed.I need to heal in the meantome moving forward is blirred ..
I felt deeply hurt and sad. I wanted to cry. It was really hard to see the vulnerability in the other person.
Made me feel more compassionate
Thank you for sharing your wisdom. This year has been difficult in so many ways and what you are sharing is helping to heal the pain. Thank you!
I look forward to continuing on this essential path of self discovery. We need this now. I need it now! Thank you.
ALL ABOUT SELF FORGIVENESS AND LETTING GO OF SELF LOATHING AND OVERCOMING FEAR
thank you
This is a masterpiece! Thank you!
I found I didn’t really ‘get’ or engage with this x
Thank you Tara for your care. . I imagine I would feel free of the burden and stress caused by judgement and blame. I imagine it would feel light and expanding, not contracting of judgement and blame. I am so thankful hit your offerings and work. They have often vine to be as the perfect medicine I am needing at the time. Thank you again. ❤️Annie
Hello lovely Tara, I felt there was a possibility of warmth and feeling of belonging,on earth. Thanking you, Janet,Liverpool england
That was a very simple to follow set of instructions to do something that seems so impossible to do usually…or can take days of exhausting grabbling with. Its helpful to have this really effective too to get to the root of whats going on with confidence and come away feeling much lighter and with less blame for you and the other.
Thank you, Tara!
These talks have helped me through some tough stuff. I appreciate the examples of the “second arrow”, and “leg in a trap”. Simple, yet so easy to relate to,
Thank you. The U-turn practice is an excellent reframe and a wonderful way to look at starting & cultivating a self-compassion practice. I look forward to learning more about your offering at NICABM.
I watched all three of the video’s. I see value in what your preaching for SELF; But I also know we have people in the street destroying anything and everything in their path.
I see no remorse coming from those who are doing the destruction, or justification for their actions So, I wont forgive them or let them off the hook for their action. Jesus said ” Judge ye not or you shall be judged. But My interpretation is Jesus is telling us not to judge the Heart or Soul. you might want to focus on those who would do harm to the body politic. I have not the time or patience forgiving those who wontedly destroy what is not theirs! I can and will live with that position until I’m placed in the ground.
The u-turn tool and the self-compassion moment were both helpful in the short term. These would need to be implemented with frequency to help you work toward the peace you would seek. Thank you for the insight.
Thank you
Thank you Tara, I find your wise words and gentle structured guidance inspirational, hopeful and most of all full of love.
I am slowing down more, taking time to consider and reflect and feel compassion for myself and others in this sometimes crazy, inexplicable world. Keep up your good work, you are an anchor in the present for me.
Thank you Tara for your gentle, compassionate guidance in healing. As a well seasoned survivor, myself and now a counselor at 62 years of age I have stronger, deeper compassion for myself, first! My “turn around time” is one of my strengths. Thank you!
Thank you. I cried from beginning to end and felt a lifting and openness around my heart, and a sense of connectedness.
Dear Tara thank you so much. I’m just in a Situation where I’m blaming and judging myself and it helped me a lot to remember the U-turn.
Thank you for offering your free class.
Self-compassion gives me opportunities to be who I really am and less suffer from the victim syndrome.
Listening to this and the story you related, I thought about my own wounded heart in relationship with my father. I chose to be present and help him throughout the loss of my mother, his beloved wife, and his own decline and death. I was able to experience the difficulty of staying present and supporting him to the best of my ability. There were many emotions throughout – anger, resentment, some contentment and gratitude for being able to be attentive. I struggled too because I always wanted my father to really tell me just how much he loved me. Though he would say it, I also didn’t feel it because of carrying the trauma of emotionally wounding messages when I was growing up. I really wanted affirmation and approval and my dad could not really meet that need.
I was by his side when he took his last breath, praying for his peace and telling him that I forgave him and, though I had previously, express my wish that he forgave me for all the hurts I caused, knowingly or unknowingly.
When I listened to this story and talk, I started crying about my vulnerability with my father and my heart felt more open.
Thank you.
So,
I found this short video very helpful
Thank you so much for these. I have a client now with whom I can employ them.
Angus, Scotland
Thank you for ur talking on this topic .. passing on generational chronic blame & not encouraging the get up & go again when something does not work .. it’s ok .. the complexity of ADHD & ODD can really tare up young minds & hearts into a hopeless self belief u are no good…. thank u for talking is a really clear , positive , fresh & beautiful way .. Of course there’s always hope .. don’t let that go … each new day allows us to start fresh with the new dawn …
I felt a warmness in my chest and a softening towards myself. However, no difference in how I feel about the other person
Mike linburg
Thankyou for this. It gave me the opportunity to release the hurt I felt when many years ago I shared with my mother what I thought was superb news of being pregnant. I was married, had started a new job and was in a stable safe relationship, but rather that the euphoric response I was expecting, the one she had always given to my other siblings at exactly the same news, I felt criticised, told off and judged.
Today allowed me to feel the worry and concern she held for me with the huge responsibilty that comes with having as child esp when I had just started a new job that may not be as stable because of future maternity commitments. She was trying to keep me safe , she had always had to work so hard to help keep the family fed and together, sometimes at the detriment of what she truly wanted to be doing with us kids as a family.I felt her wounded place of worry and fear of ever not being able to provide for us was what she shared that day.Sadly it overshadowed the joy she could have experienced with me.I felt compassion for her as I listend in to my story, and hope that although she is no longer with me she felt that too.
It would be so freeing to let go of that chronic cycle.
Thank you. These are not new practices, but every moment something new arises. The more I practice self-compassion the more it makes sense to do it!!
Thanks again.
I think I would be a much happier, open and content person.
I found making a u-turn very therapeutic. Rather than focusing on my anger towards my brother, I was able to focus more on myself and the sadness I was feeling. I don’t feel as angry.
To let go of judgment and chronic blame would soften me and open up my heart allowing me to live from a place of love and compassion.
thank you so much <3
This was timely. I find myself feeling anger that I have not felt for years. I friend hurt my badly recently and I am struggling with the blame game and owning my own emotions. Yes this stuff even happens to therapists. God, I feel hurt and betrayed. She has told others that I have not been there for and that has caused people to pick sides and defriended me or write me snotgrams about what a horrible person I am. Not one including the friend can give me an example of how I have been horrible to her. I helped her move from her drunk abusive boyfriend and provided comfort for her. I encouraged her to get into a cbt course. I cancelled my plans to hang out with her when she was down. I encouraged her to get involved in community, walk and notice the little things in life. The past year she has pushed me away and now tells others I am not supporting her. It is a page right out of a clients story. I am shocked, stunned and so deeply hurt. She is right in a away, when she pushed me away, a gave her room. I still checked in every few weeks and got snotty answers back or nothing at all. Anyway, timely piece. Good reminders about self compassion. I have been struggling with anger and trying to figure out what the heck I did to make her feel I was not supporting her. I realize I cannot do this because there may never be an answer. I need to work on dealing with the anger and hurt and moving it towards self-compassion. Thx
I’m extremely grateful for the imaging given in these videos, especially seeing others and myself in our traps. I believe this will help me come to a place of healing in my relationships with others and self. I also find the U-Turn useful in helping me focus on what’s happening inside my heart and mind. Thanks for everything!
I think I would be able to give myself permission to enjoy life!
Thank you Tara! Forgiving my lack of compassion for myself and others allows me to let go of my upset and anger…thank you!
Thank you for sharing your sweet self and the fruits of your practice, by which your words ring with veracity.
I’d like to be free of resentments and anger. After listening to you about this, I find I actually can do that when I think more clearly about what was faced by those who made me feel those things. I could see and understand their own vulnerabilities. But it’s too late now for me to be understanding in person. I can only hope I can heal myself by understanding them better, though they are gone.
U-turn toward self compassion is what I need, thank you. I give way TOO MUCH compassion, understanding, and behavior tolerance for wounded people. I feel conditioned and obligated to put others first (codependent) ending up resentful to both. I am healing, but sometimes abandon my needs and painful feelings. Boundaries are disrespected. Do you offer classes on healthy boundaries? How to maintain them, esp regarding family members, who don’t think they’re abusive.
I would be peaceful and confident, open and allowing, free to give and receive love without fear.
All my life, at least as far as I can remember, I have desired to open my heart and experience love. Because of early childhood wounding, my heart is very guarded and closed. This has been an issue with my partner, my daughter and my friends. These simple practices which you are offering are very helpful. I am now old, in my 70s, but I feel as though my heart is just learning to be alive, to be joyful. Thank you for your offering. It is very healing.
thank you so much! This practice is really profound
Thank you!!! Very helpful
Thank you for all you do.
Here is the situation .
Police removed my ex from our family home because they believed my life was in danger .
My adult children did not believe me and supported the ex . It is the 2nd yr since the physical assault and it has hit me that this happened
Like waking up from a haze is lifted i had not processsed.
Tara you requested the situation ..thank you for showing self compassion i feel abandoned ,hurt and betrayed.I need to heal in the meantome moving forward is blirred ..
Amazing gift!
Thank you so much!
A happier healthy human feeling connected to self and others – to give and receive love. Give me the gift of my heart thawing – thanks Tara
I will be a better person, better to myself, first and foremost.
I felt all the muscles that I had tensed up, without even realizing it, relax as I thought about having self-compassion.
Police removed my ex from our family home because they believed my life was in danger .
My adult children didnnot believe me and supported the ex .