Considering that I believed that I did not judge and blame, it was a surprise how much I cried when I found a place where I was doing that. When I went back to the time when I was born, I discovered an abandoned baby that cried for her Mother for a month in an incubator. As I brought in my Mother and held her with compassion, I saw the stress that she experienced to have a forceps delivery which was almost fatal, and then sent home to care for her 16 month old baby.In March of 1944, the collective trauma was the Second World War.
Who I would be without judgement of abandonment, is a person who attaches well to others and feels secure in relationships. I would be free to love my life and love everyone in it unconditionally, myself included.
I would be a safer person to be in a relationship with. Safer, because the threat of blame has been dismantled.
Creating emotional safety, through inner work — recognition and compassion for our own feelings and for the “traps” others could be in — would let us open ourselves up to developing deeper trust and connection with one another.
I will continue to work on not trying to push my agenda on to others. Each individual is doing his/her best. I need to be gracious to myself & others. Thank you, Tara!
One way I have been instructed to cope with blaming another is to pray for them. According to your instruction and process the prayer direction seems to be ‘putting the cart before the horse’, though not inappropriate in the right order,
that is, focusing internally on my own pain before ‘moving out’ with compassion. Thanks.
I would be freer and more peaceful, letting go of the energy I am holding on to that only harms me, and prevents me from giving and receiving love unconditionally.
Hopefully more open to love and feeling love. If there is judgment and blame it is at a subconscious level originating in the death of my mother in childbirth and being put out for adoption by my father. I had a good upbringing from kind and loving parents and have been reunited with my older brothers but never had the opportunity to meet my father and resolve feelings. Maybe it’s not too late at 73 to change things.
I would feel less anxious I think and more able to be supportive and demonstrate my love and caring in a way that built relationships. I really enjoyed this.
to note the background music was distracting for me.
Detached. . Free. Peaceful.
I try to understand why things transpire but sometimes there is no logic to it all. Apart from letting go of the memory and moving forward with Discernment.
No one can truely know how another feels or thinks. Most people act from fear in some way or another. Thus creates the stories into being.
We just observe what transpires.
No closure on things within oneself, is where we block ourself.
If l let go of self- judgment, blame & hurt , l would probably be healthier, free from stress, from chronic pain which is physical but it may be emotional too.
I also need to accept myself.
Thank you Tara. I felt a sense of opening up, and my “true self” emerging. Too often, the patterns of hatred and self-aversion have tricked me into thinking I lack compassion or somehow that “candle” had been snuffed out, never to relight again. It’s amazing and comforting to see it can be rekindled. If I could let go of these feelings beyond just these few moments in meditation, I hope that it would allow me to reconnect with those closest to me in my life, and live true to my ideals.
Thank you I really connected to this I am on a journey to self compassion – not there yet but this came at a good time.
If I were able to let go of judgement and blame completely I would be free!! I could release my full potential which is still unknown to me but of which I have glimpses now and it excites me!
Whenever I hear the word compassion I feel an inner revolt because: Com – Latin: cum – with – passio gives me the inner image and feeling of being tortured, suffering in passion for or with another person… And empathy (I think the more Greek background) does not “do it” for me either to express the otherwise very present feeling these words aim at. – I like the word caring, but its more: like being attuned by thoughts and feelings, like sensing with the other person. Is there no other word that I could use, I wonder?
Thank you Tara for your compassionate wisdom. Who would I be if I were to cycle out of my fear of so many things? I would hope to be kind, compassionate and an intuitive listener. I would hope to give myself what I need so I can let go of resentments and forgive others. Thank you.
My brother in law refused to give his stem cells to help his own brother, who’d never done him any harm. I do find it difficult to forgive that. I’m trying hard. I know he has narcissistic traits, but hell. To stop being angry with him would help me let go of the anger and maybe, just maybe, open up to him being in our lives again. I’ve said to my husband, who’s survived, thank God (and thanks to his sister who donated her cells) that his relationship with his brother is his business. But, God help me, I’m still hurt he refused when his own brother had a 6 month prognosis.
Mahnaz Jahangiri, Teacher, Thousand Oaks, CA, USAsays
Tara, you are amazing. I enjoy the step-by-step guides and find them useful and of course it’s a matter of putting them into practice.
I teach yoga and meditation online daily and always have in the back of my head, how I can relay these messages to them.
With gratitude,
MJ
That was lovely I am blaming myself& feel worthless for my husband leaving our family to be with another woman and her younger family and although everyone try’s to tell me it’s not really about me it’s about what’s happened to him I had put him on a pedestal done everything to support & further his career & yet I can’t help thinking what if ? If only I’d done this better or listened more carefully could I have avoided this trauma & suffering for me and my children ?
I would be a kinder person, able to withstand hurtful judgemental comments without a knee-jerk reaction, and be able to let it go rather than ruminating on the wrongs done to me. I might even be able to acknowledge to that other person that I was feeling hurt by his comment, without anger and without blaming in return. That would be an act of courage that I do not have now but might learn.
Thank you for the tool of the U-Turn. I feel that it gives me a name for a process that can help me pause and tune in to what I truly want to be able to do.
Hi Tara
Thank you so much for these videos. I felt a small light and ease when practicing the U Turn practice. Something within me became lighter.. it felt like a pinpoint of Light but definitely something. This is beautiful and I really value and love your teachings. Blessings to you. ?
Thank you so much. The image of the dog with its leg in a trap really helped me think about how some would I had been carrying were not caused by the other persons wish to hurt me, but by pain they were feeling inside. And the U Turn part of the practice really did help to begin to heal
I would be the person who doesn’t close off from others in the blink of an eye; I would be the person who could look in the mirror and know that despite everything I have done my best; I would be the person who can maintain a feeling of open heartedness and not fear getting too close to people.
Thank you so very much for this type of “reach out”. In addition to all the suffering and groundlessness going on in our world today, I’ve been trying to end my 36 year marriage. I have been unhappy most of the time but my husband is not willing to work with me to end this cordially. I am being emotionally and financially abused and my health is suffering. I struggle to continue my practice. I have lived my life from a place where I have been able to reach out and help others. It is uncomfortable for me to need to ask for help. I am grateful for this kind of platform and the help you are offering. Blessings.
Dear Tara, I bought your Radical Acceptance book a few months ago and it’s changing the way I see and live life. I keep up with your lessons as much as my time allows me to. Thanks!!!
I HAVE BEEN struggling with the loss of my mother in a parallel path with voicing my truth, ending my 15 year marriage, and finding a path through the medical system for help with an adult son diagnosed with BPD. only now do I muster the courage to look inward and acknowledge pain, shame, need for acceptance and love, looking for it in all the wrong places, and how these ‘traumas’ translated to my son’s upbringing and repeating a cycle or traits of that cycle. I am working towards healing, acknowledging MY FEELINGS, speaking MY TRUTH, and not apologizing for setting boundaries, practicing self care and building my self worth / self image. your videos and teaching make this possible … thank you!
Not so very stressed
I would be free, less judgmental, and more compassionate.
Considering that I believed that I did not judge and blame, it was a surprise how much I cried when I found a place where I was doing that. When I went back to the time when I was born, I discovered an abandoned baby that cried for her Mother for a month in an incubator. As I brought in my Mother and held her with compassion, I saw the stress that she experienced to have a forceps delivery which was almost fatal, and then sent home to care for her 16 month old baby.In March of 1944, the collective trauma was the Second World War.
Who I would be without judgement of abandonment, is a person who attaches well to others and feels secure in relationships. I would be free to love my life and love everyone in it unconditionally, myself included.
Tears of hurt (rarely cry), loneliness and fear . Can’t quite see the other’s trap but opened up to the possibility . Thank you .
Many thanks, Tara.
I would be a safer person to be in a relationship with. Safer, because the threat of blame has been dismantled.
Creating emotional safety, through inner work — recognition and compassion for our own feelings and for the “traps” others could be in — would let us open ourselves up to developing deeper trust and connection with one another.
I saw compassion leaving me to others saw their wound and its connection to behavior.
Very open to trying the U turn practice.
Please post this anonymously.
Thank you!I would be more free to live a full life without so much fear!
You are right, it does take practice. Choose a small item to concentrate on, thank you.
A more content person. Freer, more loving, more connected. Thank you for these talks, the last one really speaks to me today.
I will continue to work on not trying to push my agenda on to others. Each individual is doing his/her best. I need to be gracious to myself & others. Thank you, Tara!
I would be pure love
One way I have been instructed to cope with blaming another is to pray for them. According to your instruction and process the prayer direction seems to be ‘putting the cart before the horse’, though not inappropriate in the right order,
that is, focusing internally on my own pain before ‘moving out’ with compassion. Thanks.
I would be freer and more peaceful, letting go of the energy I am holding on to that only harms me, and prevents me from giving and receiving love unconditionally.
I would be freed up
Better able to ground myself and more accepting of myself and others
Hopefully more open to love and feeling love. If there is judgment and blame it is at a subconscious level originating in the death of my mother in childbirth and being put out for adoption by my father. I had a good upbringing from kind and loving parents and have been reunited with my older brothers but never had the opportunity to meet my father and resolve feelings. Maybe it’s not too late at 73 to change things.
I would feel less anxious I think and more able to be supportive and demonstrate my love and caring in a way that built relationships. I really enjoyed this.
to note the background music was distracting for me.
Detached. . Free. Peaceful.
I try to understand why things transpire but sometimes there is no logic to it all. Apart from letting go of the memory and moving forward with Discernment.
No one can truely know how another feels or thinks. Most people act from fear in some way or another. Thus creates the stories into being.
We just observe what transpires.
No closure on things within oneself, is where we block ourself.
I would be free. I have already started doing that and I see the world in a whole new light. Just need to work on pausing and using it in real time.
The imagery of the U-turn is very useful. I will use it with my clients and myself.
I guess I would be a free person.I would accept and cope more…
I would understand better and I would be closer to love….
If l let go of self- judgment, blame & hurt , l would probably be healthier, free from stress, from chronic pain which is physical but it may be emotional too.
I also need to accept myself.
I would be free and I could see the people around me with the freshly open eyes and more love.
I would be free to be an authentic version of me.
Thank you Tara. I felt a sense of opening up, and my “true self” emerging. Too often, the patterns of hatred and self-aversion have tricked me into thinking I lack compassion or somehow that “candle” had been snuffed out, never to relight again. It’s amazing and comforting to see it can be rekindled. If I could let go of these feelings beyond just these few moments in meditation, I hope that it would allow me to reconnect with those closest to me in my life, and live true to my ideals.
Thank you I really connected to this I am on a journey to self compassion – not there yet but this came at a good time.
If I were able to let go of judgement and blame completely I would be free!! I could release my full potential which is still unknown to me but of which I have glimpses now and it excites me!
Thank you again
Ali
Thank you, Tara, for offering us stories and practices that can change us and so many connected to us.
Whenever I hear the word compassion I feel an inner revolt because: Com – Latin: cum – with – passio gives me the inner image and feeling of being tortured, suffering in passion for or with another person… And empathy (I think the more Greek background) does not “do it” for me either to express the otherwise very present feeling these words aim at. – I like the word caring, but its more: like being attuned by thoughts and feelings, like sensing with the other person. Is there no other word that I could use, I wonder?
Does this mean judgement and chronic blame of myself?
A peaceful, content person I love
Lovely to hear your calming voice and do the practice
I would be my inner light /child ..
Living in trust and free of fear.
?
Thank you Tara for your compassionate wisdom. Who would I be if I were to cycle out of my fear of so many things? I would hope to be kind, compassionate and an intuitive listener. I would hope to give myself what I need so I can let go of resentments and forgive others. Thank you.
My brother in law refused to give his stem cells to help his own brother, who’d never done him any harm. I do find it difficult to forgive that. I’m trying hard. I know he has narcissistic traits, but hell. To stop being angry with him would help me let go of the anger and maybe, just maybe, open up to him being in our lives again. I’ve said to my husband, who’s survived, thank God (and thanks to his sister who donated her cells) that his relationship with his brother is his business. But, God help me, I’m still hurt he refused when his own brother had a 6 month prognosis.
Tara, you are amazing. I enjoy the step-by-step guides and find them useful and of course it’s a matter of putting them into practice.
I teach yoga and meditation online daily and always have in the back of my head, how I can relay these messages to them.
With gratitude,
MJ
That was lovely I am blaming myself& feel worthless for my husband leaving our family to be with another woman and her younger family and although everyone try’s to tell me it’s not really about me it’s about what’s happened to him I had put him on a pedestal done everything to support & further his career & yet I can’t help thinking what if ? If only I’d done this better or listened more carefully could I have avoided this trauma & suffering for me and my children ?
I would be a kinder person, able to withstand hurtful judgemental comments without a knee-jerk reaction, and be able to let it go rather than ruminating on the wrongs done to me. I might even be able to acknowledge to that other person that I was feeling hurt by his comment, without anger and without blaming in return. That would be an act of courage that I do not have now but might learn.
Thank you for the tool of the U-Turn. I feel that it gives me a name for a process that can help me pause and tune in to what I truly want to be able to do.
Hi Tara
Thank you so much for these videos. I felt a small light and ease when practicing the U Turn practice. Something within me became lighter.. it felt like a pinpoint of Light but definitely something. This is beautiful and I really value and love your teachings. Blessings to you. ?
Wow, just where I am. Can be painful to remember the pain of young childhood rejection and hurt but my guess is that it is gonna be worth it.
Thank you so much. The image of the dog with its leg in a trap really helped me think about how some would I had been carrying were not caused by the other persons wish to hurt me, but by pain they were feeling inside. And the U Turn part of the practice really did help to begin to heal
Happier and more peaceful person…
I would be the person who doesn’t close off from others in the blink of an eye; I would be the person who could look in the mirror and know that despite everything I have done my best; I would be the person who can maintain a feeling of open heartedness and not fear getting too close to people.
Thank you so very much for this type of “reach out”. In addition to all the suffering and groundlessness going on in our world today, I’ve been trying to end my 36 year marriage. I have been unhappy most of the time but my husband is not willing to work with me to end this cordially. I am being emotionally and financially abused and my health is suffering. I struggle to continue my practice. I have lived my life from a place where I have been able to reach out and help others. It is uncomfortable for me to need to ask for help. I am grateful for this kind of platform and the help you are offering. Blessings.
I would be happier, lighter and present- I would be compassionate to all, especially those to whom o am close to and probably more productive:)
Dear Tara, I bought your Radical Acceptance book a few months ago and it’s changing the way I see and live life. I keep up with your lessons as much as my time allows me to. Thanks!!!
Marco
Stopping blaming me would give me freedom, the space to be myself.
I HAVE BEEN struggling with the loss of my mother in a parallel path with voicing my truth, ending my 15 year marriage, and finding a path through the medical system for help with an adult son diagnosed with BPD. only now do I muster the courage to look inward and acknowledge pain, shame, need for acceptance and love, looking for it in all the wrong places, and how these ‘traumas’ translated to my son’s upbringing and repeating a cycle or traits of that cycle. I am working towards healing, acknowledging MY FEELINGS, speaking MY TRUTH, and not apologizing for setting boundaries, practicing self care and building my self worth / self image. your videos and teaching make this possible … thank you!
Less emotionally exhausted