Thank you very much for the invaluable gift of a practice through which one can find a way to heal the pain and the discontent that was collect for yrars and open the heart to love and compassion.
It’s helpful to set an intention to make the U-turn from focusing on what the wrongs/hurts done by others to the self, and acknowledge & give validation to the pain within. The picture of the child seeing the dog trapped is really helpful to seeing the vulnerability of others. I can see how these 2 steps can help orient towards letting go of self-judgement, hurts & anger.. it’d soften my heart and turn me to feel compassion for others and myself. I really appreciate your sharing and teaching here, Tara.
Tara, if I could let go, I would probably feel much lighter, freer. However, I feel it’s going to take work on my part and a conversation most likely in the form of a piece of writing to the person who I feel is responsible for my abandonment issues and lack of trust.
I have tried hard to let go of judgment of other people. I know that judgment affects my relationship and my responce to others. I do fairly well with this until I feel attacked by another person. When I feel attacked I get defensive and critical of other people. Over this past year I find myself not wanting to be around people. Life just seems easier, less painful when I’m alone.
I would be able to love more freely, from a place of security and confidence. Thank you Tara for solidifying a practice I have been trying to continue but have now realised that I must also forgive myself in order to move forward. X
Thank you Tara for these wonderful valuable processes.
I would dance with life with more joy, freedom and a lighter heart. I would have a more harmonious relationship with myself and others. I would feel happier as I would be able to express more loving kindness.
Thank you Tara for your teachings about self compassion! I am grateful for the inspirations and ways you are showing to come to radical compassion with others and myself. I feel so insecure in trusting the feelings of others – it brings me in stressful situations, if someone loves me. I love others – but that others love me – this is an unknown field for me. And it makers me very uncertain…
Wish you and your community a wonderful start into the week. WR Gilla
I didn’t expect to take the time tonight. Nor did I expect to write this. But I must connect with you to tell you: I hope you keep going at this work you do. Tara — your work and the deep kindness and calm you give is remarkable. You helped me tonight at a depth I didn’t expect. Thank you.
I like the story and U turn practice described. U term is a good terminology. I had a similar story with a very critical father who was very negative and had endless rules. I followed his rules because I wanted to please my father. I feared his disappointment. The older I got the more I dreaded being around him. He revealed things over time about his upbringing and life events, usually when he was drunk. These tidbits allowed me to better understand why he was the way he was. It allowed me to have more compassion for him and his ways. He was an alcoholic, stuck and did not want to change. Unfortunately, it has been hard to do this U turn type practice with everyone. The hurt gets in the way. Bringing warmth and compassion to self and others is a way of opening the door to understanding. Those who intentionally hurt others orally, or otherwise, are suffering themselves from insecurity, fears, wounds or some kind of flawed egomania. Yes, more kindness please.
Thank you for sharing this, Tara. I struggled for years with pent up resentment towards an individual in my life until I had had enough with carrying the heaviness of it (and realizing that I wouldn’t get what I needed from him) that I naturally turned to self compassion for relief. I’ve tried tapping in to the other person’s “wounds and vulnerabilities” as well but believe I’ve only scratched the surface because my suffering is so much louder that it distracts me. While the hurt lingers, I will say the resentments have mostly subsided which has brought me much needed peace. But it took a while…I hear you when you say this is something that needs to be practiced!
Patricia Maher-Brisen, Nursing, New Yorks, NY, USAsays
I am a pretty accepting and understanding person. I have let go of blame, anger, resentments, and regrets after my alcoholic parents died in their 60s and 70s.
After working on these relationships for years. I am much accepting, knd and compassionate
Sadly, but truthfully easier to deal with ill parents who are no longer alive.
Thank you Tara for your pearls of wisdom. As you mention, forgiveness and compassion do not mean removing all boundaries. They are slow processes. Your talks always are thought provoking and soothing. Xx
Thank you so so much! I was able to see a very recent situation in a completely different way and it helped me to put down my „weapons“ and feel compassionate. Just awesome.
I found this so helpful! I’ve been damaged by poor parenting, physical and verbal abuse and shaming. I’ve carried anger and blame for far too long. Giving compassionate care to myself is a good start on dealing with the rest of it.
Thank you!
I can see the step in the process that I find the hardest is the focus on me….i find it so much easier to show compassion to others/see their vulnerability…the step in the process missing is the ability to allow myself to feel what I feel without the multitude of arrows that follow the initial and then to offer myself kindness. This is going to take practise!!!
Without judgement and blame, I would be someone that is vulnerable, trying to deal with his own daemons by projecting the uncomfortable onto loved ones…
I would be more open and available to love – especially those who have hurt me in some way in the past. Thank you fir throwing me a rope, so that maybe I can become that person
I see accepting and experiencing my feelings is important. Not to be afraid of the feelings. Then I felt a chance of walking a moment in their shoes. However, I need to learn to be comfortable with my feelings. Hard to do.
Darlene Roth, Another Field, Walnut Creek, CA, USAsays
I tried the u-turn and looking back at the other person’s feelings compassionately on an ongoing relationship with my only sister.
A majority of our weekly phone calls are painfully awkward, even silent while I feel I must struggle to get here engagement. I call weekly to show her I care to have a relationship with her. But she often nonchalantly answers my eagerness to see how her week or life is with one word answers — which makes me feel she really doesn’t care to let me know her. She ridicules me by thwarting my questions by telling me nothing unusual happened. I reassure her I don’t call to expect anything, just trying to have her in my life.
I actually debated myself that if she doesn’t like to hear from me, I should call less often and try less.
Good suggestions for working on both self compassion and compassion for the other. I took a closer step to letting go of the story and accepting my own hurt to be ok for me. And a step closer to seeing the other’s vulnerability behind her hurtful action. Now for the practice, practice………
Victoria Haltom, Social Work, Livonia, MI, USAsays
I have been through this process several times in my life and it was when I was able to recognize and allow my deep hurt and sadness that I began to heal. Instead of judging myself I recognized what I was feeling and that it was not wrong but just my feelings about what happened to me. I practiced ways to comfort myself and care for myself. I held and soothed that inner part that had suffered for so long and told myself that I was really okay. Over time I was able to move away from blaming others for those feelings and understand that the people I judged and blamed also had inner hurts that made them behave and hurt others. I gained compassion for myself but also for them because I understood that they suffered too. I have been able to forgive myself for the things I did because of my own hurt and forgive them because they too had been hurt. This has allowed me to love myself and feel love and a sense of connection with them.A human connection.
Blame and judgment seem to be my default setting but reading your books and listening to you and other spiritual teachers has helped me to develop some awareness and self reflection. However making that U turn is very difficult. I am Making some progress but all in baby steps. Thank you so much.I’d love to do the.previous 3 steps you were talking about.
Really wonderful teachings! Thank You!
– Anon
Lovely gentle compassionate talk I love your style
thanks Tara
Right on time!
I got the massage this time
Thank you
Dan
Thank you very much for the invaluable gift of a practice through which one can find a way to heal the pain and the discontent that was collect for yrars and open the heart to love and compassion.
I softened
I would feel a lot less stressed and less restless. More authentic and less playing a role to keep others happy and safe.
Thanks for the practice!
Excellent talk on the above. Easy to let go but needs practice like you say. Thank you. Pam
I would feel more at peace with who I am as a person.
Thanks Tara
At peace, free and expansive , bigger than my ego
The practice was very helpful yes please send the three steps. Thank you!
It’s helpful to set an intention to make the U-turn from focusing on what the wrongs/hurts done by others to the self, and acknowledge & give validation to the pain within. The picture of the child seeing the dog trapped is really helpful to seeing the vulnerability of others. I can see how these 2 steps can help orient towards letting go of self-judgement, hurts & anger.. it’d soften my heart and turn me to feel compassion for others and myself. I really appreciate your sharing and teaching here, Tara.
Tara, if I could let go, I would probably feel much lighter, freer. However, I feel it’s going to take work on my part and a conversation most likely in the form of a piece of writing to the person who I feel is responsible for my abandonment issues and lack of trust.
I have tried hard to let go of judgment of other people. I know that judgment affects my relationship and my responce to others. I do fairly well with this until I feel attacked by another person. When I feel attacked I get defensive and critical of other people. Over this past year I find myself not wanting to be around people. Life just seems easier, less painful when I’m alone.
I would have more space to find the joys of everyday living instead of the negative blame, dissatisfaction ect.
What a powerful and important message. Thank you for sharing such beautiful wisdom.
I would be … the person I want to be !
Very helpful to see how to begin to heal
I would be able to love more freely, from a place of security and confidence. Thank you Tara for solidifying a practice I have been trying to continue but have now realised that I must also forgive myself in order to move forward. X
Thank you Tara for these wonderful valuable processes.
I would dance with life with more joy, freedom and a lighter heart. I would have a more harmonious relationship with myself and others. I would feel happier as I would be able to express more loving kindness.
Thank you Tara for your teachings about self compassion! I am grateful for the inspirations and ways you are showing to come to radical compassion with others and myself. I feel so insecure in trusting the feelings of others – it brings me in stressful situations, if someone loves me. I love others – but that others love me – this is an unknown field for me. And it makers me very uncertain…
Wish you and your community a wonderful start into the week. WR Gilla
I feel like a free bird which fly away happily from the cage in which it was locked for long…long…long…time…Thankyou…
A peaceful and happy person
I didn’t expect to take the time tonight. Nor did I expect to write this. But I must connect with you to tell you: I hope you keep going at this work you do. Tara — your work and the deep kindness and calm you give is remarkable. You helped me tonight at a depth I didn’t expect. Thank you.
I would be free to feel more love and compassion toward myself and others.
I would be calmer and able to respond to the person, not their actions.
Sarah Kress Nurse Strasbourg France
Thanks Tara. I would be free, lighter, happier to live life and accept myself and others as they are❤?
I like the story and U turn practice described. U term is a good terminology. I had a similar story with a very critical father who was very negative and had endless rules. I followed his rules because I wanted to please my father. I feared his disappointment. The older I got the more I dreaded being around him. He revealed things over time about his upbringing and life events, usually when he was drunk. These tidbits allowed me to better understand why he was the way he was. It allowed me to have more compassion for him and his ways. He was an alcoholic, stuck and did not want to change. Unfortunately, it has been hard to do this U turn type practice with everyone. The hurt gets in the way. Bringing warmth and compassion to self and others is a way of opening the door to understanding. Those who intentionally hurt others orally, or otherwise, are suffering themselves from insecurity, fears, wounds or some kind of flawed egomania. Yes, more kindness please.
Thank you very much for the tools to help me understand others.
Thank you for sharing this, Tara. I struggled for years with pent up resentment towards an individual in my life until I had had enough with carrying the heaviness of it (and realizing that I wouldn’t get what I needed from him) that I naturally turned to self compassion for relief. I’ve tried tapping in to the other person’s “wounds and vulnerabilities” as well but believe I’ve only scratched the surface because my suffering is so much louder that it distracts me. While the hurt lingers, I will say the resentments have mostly subsided which has brought me much needed peace. But it took a while…I hear you when you say this is something that needs to be practiced!
I would be my best self. Open to healing conversations with myself and others. I would know my shadow much better as well.
I would be happier, more creative and more active.
I am a pretty accepting and understanding person. I have let go of blame, anger, resentments, and regrets after my alcoholic parents died in their 60s and 70s.
After working on these relationships for years. I am much accepting, knd and compassionate
Sadly, but truthfully easier to deal with ill parents who are no longer alive.
Thank you Tara for your pearls of wisdom. As you mention, forgiveness and compassion do not mean removing all boundaries. They are slow processes. Your talks always are thought provoking and soothing. Xx
Thank you so so much! I was able to see a very recent situation in a completely different way and it helped me to put down my „weapons“ and feel compassionate. Just awesome.
I found this so helpful! I’ve been damaged by poor parenting, physical and verbal abuse and shaming. I’ve carried anger and blame for far too long. Giving compassionate care to myself is a good start on dealing with the rest of it.
Thank you!
I would be at peace, more open and loving.
I can see the step in the process that I find the hardest is the focus on me….i find it so much easier to show compassion to others/see their vulnerability…the step in the process missing is the ability to allow myself to feel what I feel without the multitude of arrows that follow the initial and then to offer myself kindness. This is going to take practise!!!
Without judgement and blame, I would be someone that is vulnerable, trying to deal with his own daemons by projecting the uncomfortable onto loved ones…
I would be more open and available to love – especially those who have hurt me in some way in the past. Thank you fir throwing me a rope, so that maybe I can become that person
I would suffer less, and suffering in the world would decrease. I could walk out of the egg I formed around myself at age three.
ripples of healing in my family
learning to show clients
It was relieving to come out of the story and focus on the sensations I was using the story to avoid.
I see accepting and experiencing my feelings is important. Not to be afraid of the feelings. Then I felt a chance of walking a moment in their shoes. However, I need to learn to be comfortable with my feelings. Hard to do.
I tried the u-turn and looking back at the other person’s feelings compassionately on an ongoing relationship with my only sister.
A majority of our weekly phone calls are painfully awkward, even silent while I feel I must struggle to get here engagement. I call weekly to show her I care to have a relationship with her. But she often nonchalantly answers my eagerness to see how her week or life is with one word answers — which makes me feel she really doesn’t care to let me know her. She ridicules me by thwarting my questions by telling me nothing unusual happened. I reassure her I don’t call to expect anything, just trying to have her in my life.
I actually debated myself that if she doesn’t like to hear from me, I should call less often and try less.
Good suggestions for working on both self compassion and compassion for the other. I took a closer step to letting go of the story and accepting my own hurt to be ok for me. And a step closer to seeing the other’s vulnerability behind her hurtful action. Now for the practice, practice………
I have been through this process several times in my life and it was when I was able to recognize and allow my deep hurt and sadness that I began to heal. Instead of judging myself I recognized what I was feeling and that it was not wrong but just my feelings about what happened to me. I practiced ways to comfort myself and care for myself. I held and soothed that inner part that had suffered for so long and told myself that I was really okay. Over time I was able to move away from blaming others for those feelings and understand that the people I judged and blamed also had inner hurts that made them behave and hurt others. I gained compassion for myself but also for them because I understood that they suffered too. I have been able to forgive myself for the things I did because of my own hurt and forgive them because they too had been hurt. This has allowed me to love myself and feel love and a sense of connection with them.A human connection.
Blame and judgment seem to be my default setting but reading your books and listening to you and other spiritual teachers has helped me to develop some awareness and self reflection. However making that U turn is very difficult. I am Making some progress but all in baby steps. Thank you so much.I’d love to do the.previous 3 steps you were talking about.
I think I would be more authentic and less self-conscious.
very well done
I would be free to let my guard down and experience more joy. I’d probably feel more secure in the world.
A much more nicer person to myself.
I would feel free and better able to help others.
I would not be wasting energy.