It was nice to hear that even though we need to open heart, it’s important to do whatever is necessary to protect our needs also. Eg of looking at that person’s trapped leg helped to evoke compassion
This last one was a bit trickier. Usually behind the anger is always hurt and it’s hard to be vulnerable enough to allow myself to feel it. It’s a wonderful practice and I want to learn more.
The U-Turn practice is very helpful. I found myself wanting to hold onto the anger that I have towards my mother. It feels like a protective armor. I imagined myself without that armor and I feel like I would be free. This is practice is definitely a practice and I hope that with time it will feel safe to let the anger go.
Tara Thank you for your continued guidance. I experienced a personal trauma in February of 2020. As a result of that I have been walking in a trance working to recover. Social injustice, pandemic, political upheaval, temporarily laid off, and death of a parent; I consistently told people I was far to self absorbed to focus on anything but myself. Knowing that this was a necessary act of kindness to myself was so important and identifying my own feelings critical. It is still a struggle but so much better. I appreciated what you said about not focusing on a traumatizing experience when first initiating the U turn however when trauma strikes seeing anything but the trauma is difficult. Over the course of time from February to now, I have listened to you in the car to work, during work, when falling asleep, and when up in the night seeking guidance and solace. Slowly, slowly the grip is loosening. I was waiting for your third release before commenting as blame, shame, and judging of myself and others still can run the show some days. I appreciate the acknowledgement and more importantly how difficult this practice truly is. I am kind, loving, and compassionate when I let go of chronic judgement and blame. I will get there and welcome the day when I can say the key completely turned. Thank you also for the interview with Dr. James Gordon as at times while I understood and knew the value of the u turn my body was constricted and a physical release such as shaking and dancing was also required.
Thank you Tara,
It is so difficult to do the U turn and deal with the person in the leg trap; particularly a loved member of ones’ family.
I will try this with that member.
The example made me feel better. It is the fear of meeting their anger that I must deal with…
These sessions reinforced things I have read or heard but have not been able to consistently make part of my tool kit. Practicing these things during the sessions with Tara left me very emotional and able to be less judgmental about my feelings and more compassionate toward the ones I want to blame. I am eager to learn more. Thank you.
This video was excellent and right on – just watching it, I realize how much hurt I do have in a specific relationship and how important it is that I am able to make the “u-turn”. I have some grieving to do before I get to that point but am confident I can have compassion for myself and the other person.
Thank you!!!
I’m touched by the insights of the videos that have been shared. I’ve been using some form of these for years and it is a ongoing and deepening practice. I shared the videos with my family who share in these self judgemental patterns. I hope they awaken hope as they do in me.
Great example for me. Thanks for that “It´s ok to feel this”. The second part it still very difficult for me. I need to practice.
Who would I be? I think would be free, i would be happy, I would be a great example for my children and the ones around me and i would contribute to make this society less harsh. Thanks for these free inputs!
Thanks so much for these 3 programs. after the second one [I have just listened to the third so no opportunity to see the aftermath] when internal voices of blame or unworthiness arose I heard another voice saying “Be kind to yourself”. What relief and softening there was – and what a surprise. Thank you for some new tools.
Ann Gentry, Another Field, Los Angeles, CA, USAsays
Thank-you Tara for a small dose of what it takes to shift out of self-judgment. There is a path to loving oneself (and others) with tenderness and kindness.
I was aware of how much I have been wounded, not just by others, but by my own second arrow. I felt fear and the claws of depression. But I realise that they – and I – are not to blame. And that self compassion has to be part of any healing. And a little calmer. Thank you.
For me, it’s very easy to feel compassion and understanding for the other person. As a result, I’ve been an enabler that is very, very slow to set good boundaries for myself. I have to guard against a strong pull to make the other person feel okay, thus neglecting my own needs and growth in the process. I’m working hard on this lesson these days and the part in these videos where you say to be allow our feelings, and be kind and compassionate to ourselves, has been the most helpful for me. Thank you.
A lot happier, less neurotic, more sense of calm and being okay with having resentment in the first place, it’s latching on that keeps me imprisoned by my woundedness
I would be more resilient and my suffering would be lessened. I had an interaction with a neighbor and friend last week that fit perfectly with this practice. I felt vulnerable and battered. I spent 1-1/2 days feeling “tiny”- I dropped the storyline when I found myself creating one and then just held and made space for what I was feeling, which was red, hot anger. I did this over and over for the two days. I suffered but it was tolerable and it felt like the right thing to do- to take tender care of myself while allowing and supporting what I was feeling. On the third morning I woke up free from the anger and with a compassionate way forward. My heart has continued to soften towards my friend – and myself. And I have no doubt I’m going to have many more opportunities to practice this!
There is such wisdom contained in these practices. The U turn was powerful in opening me to the source feelings and tolerating contact with them, and it did indeed help me to experience the other person in a very different light.
Thank you so much for making this available, especially in these difficult times.
Clear explanations, lots of visuals and case studies helped to make the practical tools of letting go of chronic self blame accessible – thank you I found the practices useful.
Someone centered, calm, powerful in a good way, compassionate, patient, energized not paralyzed, curious, honest, forgiving, generous, loving.
Gosh, that would be nice.
But the seeds are in me! It’s just a matter of letting them grow.
Thanks Tara for this. The 3 teachings are helping me to continue working on forgiving people who hurt me badly in my childhood and, through self-compassion, to let go of the damaging messages they instilled in me.
Thanks for sharing the idea of U turning my thoughts around to think about why the other person hurt me. I felt and still feel anger towards that person. It’s much more challenging to forgive myself for falling to the manipulation I let myself be subject too, but we are working on it.
P. S. The free video that Tara offers for leaving a comment is a gem that makes it worthwhile to add to this comment conversation.
Marian Baldy, Chico CA
I am in the process of healing some deep wounds that shaped me to being very hyperreactive . These practices would seem to me to work in getting to a place of peace and openness
Since I usually react with knee-jerk-emotions first, the U-turn is particularly poignant for me. Even more so with a year of COVID constraints and few face-to-face interactions. With no body language or facial expressions to augment communication through email and phone, misinterpretation landmines are far too easy to “step on.” Also, since I’m already in emotional knee-jerk mode, I found the U-turn to be a fairly smooth transition from outer reactions to my own inner reactions. Thank you!
I appreciate Tara’s support for my doing what really goes to the root of my unhappiness…that “you turn” which can be very difficult to do, that long practiced resistance to pain…I haven’t liked to admit that I need the encouragement and support and kindness of others in order to feel what I haven’t wanted to feel…with self compassion. Thank you.
Dear Tara and NICABM
I have been working for years with an excellent psychotherapist in Chico CA who has trained with Peter A. Levine to understand and heal my childhood trauma. Over the years when we could meet in person she has used his methods to bring forth my physical sensations of choking, for example. We have been seeing each other on ZOOM for about a year now, and she has instructed me recently to recognize the inner critical voice that I have heard since my earliest memories (I’m 76) and meet and hold myself with self-compassion. When I tried these three short exercises — I became aware of them just a few days ago — I thought “WOW!! Lucky me!! Here is a beautiful tool I can use every day to help me build self compassion. Now these short videos are about to disappear. Any chance they could be kept somewhere so people like me could continue to sue them? I actually found part 1 and Part 2 as a pair more impactful than Part 3, but I’ve only listened to each part once. Namaste, and with great gratitude, Marian Baldy
Annie Thomas, Another Field, Yellowstone , WY, USAsays
Me lack of self worth is very deeply rooted. I feel like I am taking 1 step forward and 3 steps back. I need to find a way to start small and build a little at a time because right now my goals feel like too much.
Tara,
When I listened to this for the second time I was moved to tears as I visualized my parents as children sitting together in pain. I felt forgiveness for them and myself for not being able to give and receive love while they were alive. My u-turn was “I forgive you please forgive me.” Thank you for the gift of being able to see vulnerability in self and others.
Peace
Randi
I can see the other person’s “trap” but feel it is yet another situation where I have to support him when I need support for myself. and it is hard not to blame myself when I can’t find the compassion for him- the second arrow. I will keep practicing…
It was nice to hear that even though we need to open heart, it’s important to do whatever is necessary to protect our needs also. Eg of looking at that person’s trapped leg helped to evoke compassion
Thanks for the 3 videos. I really appreciate to have access to them. I can practice and hopefully start my process of being more comppasion to myself.
This last one was a bit trickier. Usually behind the anger is always hurt and it’s hard to be vulnerable enough to allow myself to feel it. It’s a wonderful practice and I want to learn more.
I hope I’d be more relaxed. Not so anxious. Be more kind to myself and others.
I would not have to struggle to prove and explain myself so much.
The U-Turn practice is very helpful. I found myself wanting to hold onto the anger that I have towards my mother. It feels like a protective armor. I imagined myself without that armor and I feel like I would be free. This is practice is definitely a practice and I hope that with time it will feel safe to let the anger go.
Tara Thank you for your continued guidance. I experienced a personal trauma in February of 2020. As a result of that I have been walking in a trance working to recover. Social injustice, pandemic, political upheaval, temporarily laid off, and death of a parent; I consistently told people I was far to self absorbed to focus on anything but myself. Knowing that this was a necessary act of kindness to myself was so important and identifying my own feelings critical. It is still a struggle but so much better. I appreciated what you said about not focusing on a traumatizing experience when first initiating the U turn however when trauma strikes seeing anything but the trauma is difficult. Over the course of time from February to now, I have listened to you in the car to work, during work, when falling asleep, and when up in the night seeking guidance and solace. Slowly, slowly the grip is loosening. I was waiting for your third release before commenting as blame, shame, and judging of myself and others still can run the show some days. I appreciate the acknowledgement and more importantly how difficult this practice truly is. I am kind, loving, and compassionate when I let go of chronic judgement and blame. I will get there and welcome the day when I can say the key completely turned. Thank you also for the interview with Dr. James Gordon as at times while I understood and knew the value of the u turn my body was constricted and a physical release such as shaking and dancing was also required.
Thank you
Thank you Tara,
It is so difficult to do the U turn and deal with the person in the leg trap; particularly a loved member of ones’ family.
I will try this with that member.
The example made me feel better. It is the fear of meeting their anger that I must deal with…
Very powerful tool to practice the U turn, working on extending compassion to others . Thank you
I would be myself, with more realistic insecurities – not the barrier ones
So touching ! The simplicity of this practice was so meaningful . The softening is such a great tool. Thank you !
These sessions reinforced things I have read or heard but have not been able to consistently make part of my tool kit. Practicing these things during the sessions with Tara left me very emotional and able to be less judgmental about my feelings and more compassionate toward the ones I want to blame. I am eager to learn more. Thank you.
Making the U turn immediately softened my heart and then my perceptions of the Other enlarged to see the vulnerability behind her actions.
This video was excellent and right on – just watching it, I realize how much hurt I do have in a specific relationship and how important it is that I am able to make the “u-turn”. I have some grieving to do before I get to that point but am confident I can have compassion for myself and the other person.
Thank you!!!
more compassion and tenderness
My hope is that humanity will feel safe enough to heal using Tara’s self compassion techniques.
I am sharing her teachings every chance I get.
I’ll be free and happy….thank you Tara!
I’m touched by the insights of the videos that have been shared. I’ve been using some form of these for years and it is a ongoing and deepening practice. I shared the videos with my family who share in these self judgemental patterns. I hope they awaken hope as they do in me.
More at ease with myself, more relaxed and open to new experiences
Great example for me. Thanks for that “It´s ok to feel this”. The second part it still very difficult for me. I need to practice.
Who would I be? I think would be free, i would be happy, I would be a great example for my children and the ones around me and i would contribute to make this society less harsh. Thanks for these free inputs!
This was a very powerful exercise. My relationship with my mom always left me feeling unloved. I was able to let that release and see her pain
This really resonated with the work I am doing in therapy right now. It touched something powerful & moving for me. Thank you.
Thank you for this beautiful practice. I will practice it with vulnerability and kindness.
Lovely, good stuff, as always
Thanks so much for these 3 programs. after the second one [I have just listened to the third so no opportunity to see the aftermath] when internal voices of blame or unworthiness arose I heard another voice saying “Be kind to yourself”. What relief and softening there was – and what a surprise. Thank you for some new tools.
Excellent. Very helpful. Thank you.
Thank-you Tara for a small dose of what it takes to shift out of self-judgment. There is a path to loving oneself (and others) with tenderness and kindness.
I was aware of how much I have been wounded, not just by others, but by my own second arrow. I felt fear and the claws of depression. But I realise that they – and I – are not to blame. And that self compassion has to be part of any healing. And a little calmer. Thank you.
Great tips for shifting perspectives by exploring the turn around suggestion and cultivating compassion for self and others.
Heather McKechnie
For me, it’s very easy to feel compassion and understanding for the other person. As a result, I’ve been an enabler that is very, very slow to set good boundaries for myself. I have to guard against a strong pull to make the other person feel okay, thus neglecting my own needs and growth in the process. I’m working hard on this lesson these days and the part in these videos where you say to be allow our feelings, and be kind and compassionate to ourselves, has been the most helpful for me. Thank you.
A lot happier, less neurotic, more sense of calm and being okay with having resentment in the first place, it’s latching on that keeps me imprisoned by my woundedness
I would be more resilient and my suffering would be lessened. I had an interaction with a neighbor and friend last week that fit perfectly with this practice. I felt vulnerable and battered. I spent 1-1/2 days feeling “tiny”- I dropped the storyline when I found myself creating one and then just held and made space for what I was feeling, which was red, hot anger. I did this over and over for the two days. I suffered but it was tolerable and it felt like the right thing to do- to take tender care of myself while allowing and supporting what I was feeling. On the third morning I woke up free from the anger and with a compassionate way forward. My heart has continued to soften towards my friend – and myself. And I have no doubt I’m going to have many more opportunities to practice this!
There is such wisdom contained in these practices. The U turn was powerful in opening me to the source feelings and tolerating contact with them, and it did indeed help me to experience the other person in a very different light.
Thank you so much for making this available, especially in these difficult times.
I would be more friendly with myself, and with that I could be more friendly with others
Clear explanations, lots of visuals and case studies helped to make the practical tools of letting go of chronic self blame accessible – thank you I found the practices useful.
Someone centered, calm, powerful in a good way, compassionate, patient, energized not paralyzed, curious, honest, forgiving, generous, loving.
Gosh, that would be nice.
But the seeds are in me! It’s just a matter of letting them grow.
Thanks Tara for this. The 3 teachings are helping me to continue working on forgiving people who hurt me badly in my childhood and, through self-compassion, to let go of the damaging messages they instilled in me.
Thanks for sharing the idea of U turning my thoughts around to think about why the other person hurt me. I felt and still feel anger towards that person. It’s much more challenging to forgive myself for falling to the manipulation I let myself be subject too, but we are working on it.
P. S. The free video that Tara offers for leaving a comment is a gem that makes it worthwhile to add to this comment conversation.
Marian Baldy, Chico CA
This was good. Would appreciate the “audio recording” as I will listen again. Thank you.
I am in the process of healing some deep wounds that shaped me to being very hyperreactive . These practices would seem to me to work in getting to a place of peace and openness
Since I usually react with knee-jerk-emotions first, the U-turn is particularly poignant for me. Even more so with a year of COVID constraints and few face-to-face interactions. With no body language or facial expressions to augment communication through email and phone, misinterpretation landmines are far too easy to “step on.” Also, since I’m already in emotional knee-jerk mode, I found the U-turn to be a fairly smooth transition from outer reactions to my own inner reactions. Thank you!
A free person facilitating growth of others and myself 🙂
I appreciate Tara’s support for my doing what really goes to the root of my unhappiness…that “you turn” which can be very difficult to do, that long practiced resistance to pain…I haven’t liked to admit that I need the encouragement and support and kindness of others in order to feel what I haven’t wanted to feel…with self compassion. Thank you.
Dear Tara and NICABM
I have been working for years with an excellent psychotherapist in Chico CA who has trained with Peter A. Levine to understand and heal my childhood trauma. Over the years when we could meet in person she has used his methods to bring forth my physical sensations of choking, for example. We have been seeing each other on ZOOM for about a year now, and she has instructed me recently to recognize the inner critical voice that I have heard since my earliest memories (I’m 76) and meet and hold myself with self-compassion. When I tried these three short exercises — I became aware of them just a few days ago — I thought “WOW!! Lucky me!! Here is a beautiful tool I can use every day to help me build self compassion. Now these short videos are about to disappear. Any chance they could be kept somewhere so people like me could continue to sue them? I actually found part 1 and Part 2 as a pair more impactful than Part 3, but I’ve only listened to each part once. Namaste, and with great gratitude, Marian Baldy
Me lack of self worth is very deeply rooted. I feel like I am taking 1 step forward and 3 steps back. I need to find a way to start small and build a little at a time because right now my goals feel like too much.
Tara,
When I listened to this for the second time I was moved to tears as I visualized my parents as children sitting together in pain. I felt forgiveness for them and myself for not being able to give and receive love while they were alive. My u-turn was “I forgive you please forgive me.” Thank you for the gift of being able to see vulnerability in self and others.
Peace
Randi
Thank you for this lovely practice of getting out of head and into heart where deep love and compassion lie waiting.
I can see the other person’s “trap” but feel it is yet another situation where I have to support him when I need support for myself. and it is hard not to blame myself when I can’t find the compassion for him- the second arrow. I will keep practicing…