Whoa. I felt a lump in my throat that grew bigger and bigger and rather than shut it down like I usually do, I let it happen. I really felt my feelings on a deep deep level. I think maybe I’ve always needed guidance like this and the permission to feel what I’ve kept locked inside myself.
Tara thank you so much for this. I loved the part of the trap on the dogs leg, I have been able to let go of the blaming and betrayal that my spouse caused me by identifying that he was struggling with his own trap and with compassion, I was able to forgive and I feel a lot better.
This exercise brought back memories of my parents and how they pushed me to be a good student, attractive, popular, and all the things that I guess reflected on them. I never felt enough and am still most definitely feeling that way at 62 years old! I do understand that they had pressure from their own parents and society, and in seeing this, it made me understand we were all hurting in one way or another. It makes me feel that I want to care for and love them in their own pain, much like mine.
Thank you Tara. The practise elicited a greater sense of understanding, for oneself and others. I’m intrigued as to the mechanisms by which the practise may influence relationships. Perhaps through changing attitudes, and consequently behaviour. Thanks again.
I would become more coherent with my thoughts-feelings and words; probably it would be easier to speak my peace and give exemple to others to do so. I would probably feel more alive, just as I feel that I am writing this now.
Thank you Tara, I felt emotional while listening to you, especially comforting and forgiving myself. I have been hurt emotionally and you helped me realize that the person who hurt me is hurting as well.
I would be more open and freer to reach my real self, offer more to others and be happy. I have caught a glimpse of that amazing feeling a few of times in my life…
The image of the dog with a trapped leg really resonated.
I realized my resentment toward supervisors at work was routed toward resentment toward my mother who always made me feel like I was never good enough. If I let go of this blame my life would be so much more open it’s almost scary to think about who I would be without always needing to prove myself.
I noticed I’m not ready to move away from blame to compassion with my partner. The trauma we’ve past through has meant I am not safe or stable enough to let go yet.
I moved to my mum. I still held resentment towards her and I have let it go, through this excercise. I feel much lighter now. More loving and compassionate, which is something I’ve struggled with for a considerable amount of time.
So thank you for that.
Who would I be? Well I believe I’m evolving and changing and my goal is to reach a deep sense of love, compassion and forgiveness for all so I am able to serve people better. So today, I’ve stepped forward and each day, through the practice of loving awareness and these techniques I shall attain that.
What a wonderful set of short videos, thank you so much – a real gift.
As I experimented with the U-Turn practice, an angry, tearful release came, during which I experienced a movement _away from me_ of the person; and suddenly the surprising realisation that the resentment blame and hurt I had still been feeling, were actually keeping them _close to me_. Paradoxical, and very helpful in terms of ingrained attachment patterns, making me want to bring this practice to other people and situations in my past and present life, moving towards releasing us all from the traps constricting our connections.
It’s so challenging to let go of judgment and blame in circumstances of oppressive violence and prejudice that become entangled into my life because of my commitment to my authentic self expression as a queer trans-feminine (gender-non-conforming) indian person. I really appreciate the wisdom to these practices, and see their fruits, but i also know that many times other people (usually men) who are less emotionally mature can tend to use forgiveness as a way to harm once again (unconsciously), and then these patterns persist. I believe their words and forgive them, only for the pattern to happen once again (meaning I need to look closer and their actions – not just saying things to be a people pleaser, and avoid responsibility).
I appreciated Tara, that you clarified how for some people judgement is necessary in order for safety. And i wish it didn’t have to be that way. I wish more privileged people could see that this is not a fair game of spiritual development, when the safety of marginalized and oppressed lives are much more at stake in acts of being vulnerable. This work is on everyone to undo, and I appreciate Tara very much for highlighting this as a spiritual teacher.
I have moments of clarity, when I don’t feel unsafe, to see how I can be if i let go of judgment and blame — and it’s lighter. More spacious. More compassionate. More careful. And I also know that I rarely feel truly safe in this world, particular in mainstream communities. And so I ask, once again, how do I change myself to let go of blame and judgement, while developing far better boundaries around people who are still deeply conditioned by societal prejudices? I know they are hurting inside from a lack of self-acceptance, but before we can address that, there needs to be better boundaries in my life, and more screening around who I choose to share myself with, and my intimate energy. This is also something I have really learned in the practical implementation of these teachings.
I would be totally open to the joy and beauty available in every moment, and feel the river of life rushing through me and all beings. I would be fully present.
Sometimes when I work on this practice, I let go of judgment but then I sense a fear that if I continue to practice radical compassion, I will never experience it from others. I will never feel safe and protected. When it comes to my children, I am profoundly afraid I will not be able to offer them safety and protection. I realised I have some deep mistrust in others and in myself, and in the fact that process takes time. Letting go of judgment does not mean it is reciprocated – or if it can be, this may not happen immediately but over the course of years, decades or even a lifetime. A lot of work and feelings to process…
I’d be at peace with myself the way I am and feel free to express myself in my authentic colourful way. And I’d offer others to do the exact same thing. Compassion is what we need to bridge the apparent differences between each other and to create a more harmonious world of mutual respect, understanding and love.
Thank you Tara for sharing these videos. The story about the two arrows really resonated with me and is something so practical that I can use in my work with my clients ?
‘My’ issue has often been blaming myself, or taking some of it – whether or not it was mine. In the case of one of my besties & I, x dynamic would occur. She’d see no part of it as her contribution. I’d get exassperated, & if @ my house…go to my room, or another room. If outside, be still. Engage in whatever we were doing. She’d ‘see that she’d triggered me,esp. during a vulnerable time. So often, she’d try to follow me, to soothe, but really so I’d see it her way. I just wanted a break, cuz she was stubborn (& often wrong!) about these recurrent themes. ..sometimes keeping it going ’til I was going pop, or cry. I knew she’d had a ‘middle child thing’, from a big family. She believed she was either being left out, not heard, or never right. Whether or not true, after many, many years of this…whoa Nelly! (BTW: she’s older than me. As the older sister in my 2 child intense family, my thing was to try to be the responsible one & protect.Choking on my feelings.) Eventually, she would see her part in this, & didn’t really want to hurt me; she’d interpret my tears or silence that way…often tears of frustration or of me wanting to leave or choke on what I was thinking of saying x to wound & shut her up good! Which would’ve slayed her. I seldom resorted to that, I ignored her to not keep my end going. I got her to agree if we got locked in, give us space, take a break. Breathe. Funny thing, one time she actually brought a chair to my room, & put it in the threshold & talked from her point, & apologized to me. (Perhaps tired of the many x I’d just leave my house, go to the club, have a beer, or go somewhere do an errand. I was a parentified child, & tired of bending over backwards for others, w/o reciprocity. Leaving her to go to her own home, when she got tired of being alone with her thoughts. It didn’t matter to me who was right or wrong, it was usually something dumb, let’s just talk! Dynamics began to change to the more sensible level. However, often things revert to type. For my part, once I was able to really see ‘her foot in the trap, etc’, I’d say calmly: ‘time out to breathe, 5 minutes’. I was now able to ‘go to my room, chill, while she was still carrying on, but not in my face. I was able to ‘get my relief’, & she’d simmer down. Then we do weekend errands, eat out, & return to our jobs on Mondays, no worse for the wear. My point was/is: I no longer had to run away from the intensity of what seemed like nothing, she got to run her course, m/b feel heard, safe, accepting each other’s styles, triggers, & life moved on. We have over 25+ years of great things together; for & with each other. Sister-girlfriends… & professional colleagues! Sorry if I took too long, I got lost in thought. Her Mom just passed @ 101+ years old. All 8 siblings, spouses, kids, their kids (grands & greats, mates, etc) had been taking turns – in teams, caring for a robust Yankee women who remained a relentless quilter, gardener, gracious host to many, in a loving household…altho’ chaotic to a small family city girl like me. Just this past week, to my surprise, she left me a message. She was choked up, tearful, hushed cuz she stated “family is not big on showing feelings, tears; they’re funny like that” & she was thanking me for holding her space, sending love & prayers, & accepting her tears. She finally acknowledged her family’s style aloud (+ to self ?). And they all love each other to pieces, & do tons for each other. Maybe she’ll give herself some breathing room now; her family DOES Love her. I used to say, m/b u were just a pain in the butt to the older ones when kids; ur younger sibs think ur great! UR workshop sharpened this for me, informing me of my possible future approaches as she carries & works thru her grief. Thank u, Tara, Ruth @ NICABM, & indulgent fellow travelers. Peace, Love, & Blessings to ALL! ? ? ?
Andrea F, Psychotherapy, San Francisco , CA, USAsays
Thank you so much for your teachings, Tara! When I can let go of blaming myself, then I can really be present in this moment; when I let go of blaming others I not only feel a softer awareness internally but I also feel more in harmony with my true Self. It is like fresh, clean air.
If I can truly let go of judgement, I might finally become a source of joy, not just for myself but for those around me and beyond. Perhaps this is he potential we all have if only we can do the practice
Also – can I check that you have no ‘profession; that works with animal welfare?
I would be vulnerable and still scared, but very very gently exploring the inner calm that lives below the waves, and where corals and marine life might thrive, not bleached by the heat and fever of so many angry storms on the surface.
I would be confident and happy. I wouldn’t put myself down and others down. I have always thought that I was a kind person but I am not to myself and don’t give myself compassion. If I could get Rid Of chronic blame and judgement I think I could heal my body from all the trauma it has been through in recent years and be kind to myself and able let go of the fear grips my heart. Maybe I could even recover from the CFS/ME And heal my body.
Thank you. So much love is there in that deep well. We forget to drink. My thirst for self love and compassion is met right there beneath the surface, always infinite never ending. Infinite well of forgiveness. Thank you for reminding us to drink from it.
A softening in frontal armoring. A relaxing into self acceptance and that of others. An allowing of myself to be authentic and respecting other’s differences. The freedom to be present with life as it unfolds.
Whoa. I felt a lump in my throat that grew bigger and bigger and rather than shut it down like I usually do, I let it happen. I really felt my feelings on a deep deep level. I think maybe I’ve always needed guidance like this and the permission to feel what I’ve kept locked inside myself.
More free and open to possibilities and love and compassion and change.
Tara thank you so much for this. I loved the part of the trap on the dogs leg, I have been able to let go of the blaming and betrayal that my spouse caused me by identifying that he was struggling with his own trap and with compassion, I was able to forgive and I feel a lot better.
I feel a small sense of release. I also feel a greater willingness to practice.
Who would I be? A less burdened, more active person who could create the things that could then benefit others.
This exercise brought back memories of my parents and how they pushed me to be a good student, attractive, popular, and all the things that I guess reflected on them. I never felt enough and am still most definitely feeling that way at 62 years old! I do understand that they had pressure from their own parents and society, and in seeing this, it made me understand we were all hurting in one way or another. It makes me feel that I want to care for and love them in their own pain, much like mine.
This is very powerful and I know it would be helpful to watch again and again. I hope to join you in the longer training! Thank you!
Thank you Tara. The practise elicited a greater sense of understanding, for oneself and others. I’m intrigued as to the mechanisms by which the practise may influence relationships. Perhaps through changing attitudes, and consequently behaviour. Thanks again.
I would become more coherent with my thoughts-feelings and words; probably it would be easier to speak my peace and give exemple to others to do so. I would probably feel more alive, just as I feel that I am writing this now.
I feel hopeful that this could work for me.
The last video brought back feelings and thoughts I thought I had dealt with. Disconcerting but another opportunity to try and grow. Thanks
Thank you Tara, I felt emotional while listening to you, especially comforting and forgiving myself. I have been hurt emotionally and you helped me realize that the person who hurt me is hurting as well.
I would be more open and freer to reach my real self, offer more to others and be happy. I have caught a glimpse of that amazing feeling a few of times in my life…
The image of the dog with a trapped leg really resonated.
I found the theory and practice very interesting and helpful. Thank you Tara! Namaste
I realized my resentment toward supervisors at work was routed toward resentment toward my mother who always made me feel like I was never good enough. If I let go of this blame my life would be so much more open it’s almost scary to think about who I would be without always needing to prove myself.
Wonderful freedom technique enabling escape to inner peace. Much gratitude and love for this. ???♀️
I would live a more meaningful life
Invaluable and genuine work shop Thankyou so much. I am beginning to love myself much more and I feel the shift.
Lauren Risbey MH Clinician
I’d actually enjoy life and the process of helping others and being helped.
I noticed I’m not ready to move away from blame to compassion with my partner. The trauma we’ve past through has meant I am not safe or stable enough to let go yet.
I moved to my mum. I still held resentment towards her and I have let it go, through this excercise. I feel much lighter now. More loving and compassionate, which is something I’ve struggled with for a considerable amount of time.
So thank you for that.
Who would I be? Well I believe I’m evolving and changing and my goal is to reach a deep sense of love, compassion and forgiveness for all so I am able to serve people better. So today, I’ve stepped forward and each day, through the practice of loving awareness and these techniques I shall attain that.
I love you, Thank you for sharing.
What a wonderful set of short videos, thank you so much – a real gift.
As I experimented with the U-Turn practice, an angry, tearful release came, during which I experienced a movement _away from me_ of the person; and suddenly the surprising realisation that the resentment blame and hurt I had still been feeling, were actually keeping them _close to me_. Paradoxical, and very helpful in terms of ingrained attachment patterns, making me want to bring this practice to other people and situations in my past and present life, moving towards releasing us all from the traps constricting our connections.
Thank you. This reflection helped me see my hurt and will give me the power to express my hurt from a place of vulnerability and strength
It’s so challenging to let go of judgment and blame in circumstances of oppressive violence and prejudice that become entangled into my life because of my commitment to my authentic self expression as a queer trans-feminine (gender-non-conforming) indian person. I really appreciate the wisdom to these practices, and see their fruits, but i also know that many times other people (usually men) who are less emotionally mature can tend to use forgiveness as a way to harm once again (unconsciously), and then these patterns persist. I believe their words and forgive them, only for the pattern to happen once again (meaning I need to look closer and their actions – not just saying things to be a people pleaser, and avoid responsibility).
I appreciated Tara, that you clarified how for some people judgement is necessary in order for safety. And i wish it didn’t have to be that way. I wish more privileged people could see that this is not a fair game of spiritual development, when the safety of marginalized and oppressed lives are much more at stake in acts of being vulnerable. This work is on everyone to undo, and I appreciate Tara very much for highlighting this as a spiritual teacher.
I have moments of clarity, when I don’t feel unsafe, to see how I can be if i let go of judgment and blame — and it’s lighter. More spacious. More compassionate. More careful. And I also know that I rarely feel truly safe in this world, particular in mainstream communities. And so I ask, once again, how do I change myself to let go of blame and judgement, while developing far better boundaries around people who are still deeply conditioned by societal prejudices? I know they are hurting inside from a lack of self-acceptance, but before we can address that, there needs to be better boundaries in my life, and more screening around who I choose to share myself with, and my intimate energy. This is also something I have really learned in the practical implementation of these teachings.
Wonderful videos Tara. Thank you!
I would be totally open to the joy and beauty available in every moment, and feel the river of life rushing through me and all beings. I would be fully present.
Sometimes when I work on this practice, I let go of judgment but then I sense a fear that if I continue to practice radical compassion, I will never experience it from others. I will never feel safe and protected. When it comes to my children, I am profoundly afraid I will not be able to offer them safety and protection. I realised I have some deep mistrust in others and in myself, and in the fact that process takes time. Letting go of judgment does not mean it is reciprocated – or if it can be, this may not happen immediately but over the course of years, decades or even a lifetime. A lot of work and feelings to process…
Who would I be if I let go of judgment and chronic blame? I would be a loving man to others and especially to myself. I know I am lovingkindness
I’d be at peace with myself the way I am and feel free to express myself in my authentic colourful way. And I’d offer others to do the exact same thing. Compassion is what we need to bridge the apparent differences between each other and to create a more harmonious world of mutual respect, understanding and love.
freer, lighter, thank you x
Thank you Tara for sharing these videos. The story about the two arrows really resonated with me and is something so practical that I can use in my work with my clients ?
Very illuminating
‘My’ issue has often been blaming myself, or taking some of it – whether or not it was mine. In the case of one of my besties & I, x dynamic would occur. She’d see no part of it as her contribution. I’d get exassperated, & if @ my house…go to my room, or another room. If outside, be still. Engage in whatever we were doing. She’d ‘see that she’d triggered me,esp. during a vulnerable time. So often, she’d try to follow me, to soothe, but really so I’d see it her way. I just wanted a break, cuz she was stubborn (& often wrong!) about these recurrent themes. ..sometimes keeping it going ’til I was going pop, or cry. I knew she’d had a ‘middle child thing’, from a big family. She believed she was either being left out, not heard, or never right. Whether or not true, after many, many years of this…whoa Nelly! (BTW: she’s older than me. As the older sister in my 2 child intense family, my thing was to try to be the responsible one & protect.Choking on my feelings.) Eventually, she would see her part in this, & didn’t really want to hurt me; she’d interpret my tears or silence that way…often tears of frustration or of me wanting to leave or choke on what I was thinking of saying x to wound & shut her up good! Which would’ve slayed her. I seldom resorted to that, I ignored her to not keep my end going. I got her to agree if we got locked in, give us space, take a break. Breathe. Funny thing, one time she actually brought a chair to my room, & put it in the threshold & talked from her point, & apologized to me. (Perhaps tired of the many x I’d just leave my house, go to the club, have a beer, or go somewhere do an errand. I was a parentified child, & tired of bending over backwards for others, w/o reciprocity. Leaving her to go to her own home, when she got tired of being alone with her thoughts. It didn’t matter to me who was right or wrong, it was usually something dumb, let’s just talk! Dynamics began to change to the more sensible level. However, often things revert to type. For my part, once I was able to really see ‘her foot in the trap, etc’, I’d say calmly: ‘time out to breathe, 5 minutes’. I was now able to ‘go to my room, chill, while she was still carrying on, but not in my face. I was able to ‘get my relief’, & she’d simmer down. Then we do weekend errands, eat out, & return to our jobs on Mondays, no worse for the wear. My point was/is: I no longer had to run away from the intensity of what seemed like nothing, she got to run her course, m/b feel heard, safe, accepting each other’s styles, triggers, & life moved on. We have over 25+ years of great things together; for & with each other. Sister-girlfriends… & professional colleagues! Sorry if I took too long, I got lost in thought. Her Mom just passed @ 101+ years old. All 8 siblings, spouses, kids, their kids (grands & greats, mates, etc) had been taking turns – in teams, caring for a robust Yankee women who remained a relentless quilter, gardener, gracious host to many, in a loving household…altho’ chaotic to a small family city girl like me. Just this past week, to my surprise, she left me a message. She was choked up, tearful, hushed cuz she stated “family is not big on showing feelings, tears; they’re funny like that” & she was thanking me for holding her space, sending love & prayers, & accepting her tears. She finally acknowledged her family’s style aloud (+ to self ?). And they all love each other to pieces, & do tons for each other. Maybe she’ll give herself some breathing room now; her family DOES Love her. I used to say, m/b u were just a pain in the butt to the older ones when kids; ur younger sibs think ur great! UR workshop sharpened this for me, informing me of my possible future approaches as she carries & works thru her grief. Thank u, Tara, Ruth @ NICABM, & indulgent fellow travelers. Peace, Love, & Blessings to ALL! ? ? ?
I would be happier and more at ease
Thank you so much for your teachings, Tara! When I can let go of blaming myself, then I can really be present in this moment; when I let go of blaming others I not only feel a softer awareness internally but I also feel more in harmony with my true Self. It is like fresh, clean air.
I would be a more compassionate and patient version of myself. I would also be more confident, no longer doubting my capabilities.
I was able to feel free at last, full of joy and compassion for all my fellow human beings.
I would feel free if I let go
If I can truly let go of judgement, I might finally become a source of joy, not just for myself but for those around me and beyond. Perhaps this is he potential we all have if only we can do the practice
Also – can I check that you have no ‘profession; that works with animal welfare?
i will feel more range of emotions, and release the more sticky negative blame & judgment.
letting go of judgement and blame allows me to open up my heart and see the other side of the story. Letting go brings freedom and inner peace.
Lighter, freer, at oeace
I would be in peace and in joy,would feel light.
I would be vulnerable and still scared, but very very gently exploring the inner calm that lives below the waves, and where corals and marine life might thrive, not bleached by the heat and fever of so many angry storms on the surface.
I would be confident and happy. I wouldn’t put myself down and others down. I have always thought that I was a kind person but I am not to myself and don’t give myself compassion. If I could get Rid Of chronic blame and judgement I think I could heal my body from all the trauma it has been through in recent years and be kind to myself and able let go of the fear grips my heart. Maybe I could even recover from the CFS/ME And heal my body.
Letting go of self-judgment and blame would mean a sense of freedom, ease and acceptance of others. Thank you Tara.
I feel as if my heart shifted into feeling more open. Powerful.
Thank you. So much love is there in that deep well. We forget to drink. My thirst for self love and compassion is met right there beneath the surface, always infinite never ending. Infinite well of forgiveness. Thank you for reminding us to drink from it.
Thank You Tara.
I would feel happier in my intimate relationship. This is the place where I judge the most.
A softening in frontal armoring. A relaxing into self acceptance and that of others. An allowing of myself to be authentic and respecting other’s differences. The freedom to be present with life as it unfolds.
Thank you Tara it’s very powerful and compact. I have to break it now and put it into the many moments of my life.
Juliane