Thankyou. I am 72 but grew up never feeling loved and respected, or accepted by my parents. I never felt good enough for them, regardless of my accomplishments. They just used them against me stating I was capable of taking care of myself, where my brother who never studied, was a drug addict, and never worked, was always protected and supported, “because he could not take care of himself”. I have lived a lifetime of resentment. I have a wonderful life, with a husband, and beautiful daughter, but I always feel I am walking a tightrope of feeling unappreciated, and I know that is within me. I get my feelings hurt too easy with my family and friends, and do not know how to change this cycle.
Letting go of judgment, I was reminded of how the person I’m upset with is seeing the world as an unfair place, how she feels lonely, vulnerable. I felt a bit more compassionate about how she makes meaning, and it released some of my grip on story.
Thank youTara, I found this deeply moving and personal and left me feeling sad but relieved that years ago my father and I were also able to reconcile after years of anger, hurt,
Shame and judgement. It was too after I started my meditation practice that I came to realize how much time and energy I had given to how much he had failed me and my family. When I saw “his foot in the trap” he was an alcoholic I was able to come to a place of acceptance of his disease. He got cancer and suffered terribly and I was able to support him in his chemo, and give him the love and tenderness that I know he wanted to but could not give me in my formative years. I still carry the negative voice/
Judge around with me.
But I am able to quieten it and recover faster with my practice of loving kindness and self compassion. Thank you for this wonderful program
I hadn’t realised how limiting self blame is, by allowing me to avoid getting to the root of the feelings. I was surprised by the clarity that emerged with the exercise looking at a minor resentment. Thank you for sharing these insights and gentle practices.
I find it difficult to use this process when face to face with this person, in the moment. I can do this well in my own space and time, even do fairly well w this when talking on the phone w them… but the triggers that occur when in person… for both of us make this process complex and difficult to stay in the present moment with.
Thank you for these gifts.
Question
Are there scholarships for the courses offerred through Nicabm?
Trudy
It helped with what I am going through as my sister is in her last stage of life at 64 years old. The talk helped me to rethink various situations that are arising in myself and with my sisters.
Kimberly Malloy, Marriage/Family Therapy, Las Vegas, NV, USAsays
Thank you for the gift of you. You make a choice each time to share to help heal others and for that I am grateful! I pray blessings upon you and yours!
A big cloud of grief came over me, when making the u turn. I must have felt this grief so often as a child. I harshly judged myself when my parents reacted without compassion for themselves and for me, or others. Every time, at first, it looks like a new, impossible dea to have compassion for myself. Now I feel so much compassion for myself and for the other person.
My adult son wants those he loves to get in the trap with him so he won’t feel alone in his pain. Of course he has no idea this is what he wants. He poo poos the contemplative way, so listening to Tara’s healing talks is not an option. I didn’t realize until going through the simple U turn exercise that he wants us to be in the trap with him. I may try and give him that example and see if it helps him. Thank you.
I don’t even know who I would be without self blame. I have been conditioned to do this my whole life. I want to leave it behind and I am consciously trying to.
Kathleen Eschenberg, Coach, PORT JERVIS, NY, USAsays
This one reached me where I am and where I hurt. Doing the U Turn, self compassion and staying with this practice with Tara made the situation of blame I am in so very real. I never realized just how deep the blame and judgment went. I will have to practice this a few times at least before I will be able to stop weeping over it. And I thought I was choosing something minor to work on….lo and behold! Thank you for this Tara. God bless you for this work you are doing.
When I’ve attended so called forgiveness workshops I felt something big was missing. Tara’s process feels complete. Others teach more about giving compassion to others than to yourself. I believe putting attention on self compassion allows compassion for others to arise.
I love it! Switching from judgement and blame to compassion using the U turn (You turn) was transformational. It works like a light switch and instantly flips my minds focus from the dark side of negative ruminating to my heart space of Light love and compassion initially for self and then as an extension to those that I had perceived aggrieved
me. What would I be without my blame thoughts???Happier and at peace by not fixating on blame as well as empowered because I can’t change others but I can choose how I react when I release blame. You know what they say “When we point at others with our index finger there are three fingers pointing back at self” THANKS
Thank you for beautiful videos!
My experience is that we have both light and heavy feelings, like anger and emotional pain – for a reason. The problem isn´t actually the existence of different feelings. The problem is when the heavy feelings “eats us up” for a longer period of time, because we don´t know how to listen to them, how to accept them and how to manage them.
We don´t need to get rid of the heavy feelings “for ever” to feel self-compassion; if trying to do so, we just shut down a part of our unconsciousness system, a signaling part of ourselves that can tell us if something is wrong.
It´s popular for example in some New Age-schools, in A course in Miracles (ACIM)-workshops and in the Catholic church, to have access to some feelings and to shut down the other feelings. And you don´t get any help with the inner voice that tells you that you´re actually hurting yourself. Just “forgive him because he doesn´t know what he´s doing.” I have gone these ways (and some other) and while other people can enjoy the benefits, for example of a sharing community, I got further away from myself. The inner work that some ideologies prefer to talk about, and exclude the other parts of psychology, they can get you even further away from who you are.
When we learn the techniques where we see the emotions as a part of ourselves, how to deal with them inside – it gets easier to accept them and to move forward to self-compassion and healing.
So thank you for talking of self-compassion and focusing on ourselves in the first place, and for the reminder not to judge ourselves. We can accept the facts, that we have been unconscious and have done things to ourselves, and we can be caring at the same time.
When we can focus more on ourselves, we don´t give the other people or the predators more energy, and we feel less dependent of the other person’s judgment. I think, we don´t need to forget history, what has happened. We can see the other person´s live and actions from different perspectives and love him/her at the same time. We don´t either need to blame ourselves for not forgiving someone and act as nothing has happened, especially if the person is not regretting anything. We can still love the person, but not accept that a person behaves in a certain way. Just to see things clearly, is not judging for me.
I think that feelings for example of anger or emotional pain will naturally step aside and give room for other feelings when we accept the facts and take care of ourselves.
Matthew Munson, Another Field, Ridgewood, NY, USAsays
I would be my most fulfilled self. I would at least let go of the weight and burden I carry everyday. I would be more open, more loving, and more perceptive of the beauty around me. It’s hard, but I welcome the challenge and have faith that I can change.
Patricia Griffin, Social Work, Elkins Park , PA, USAsays
The Leg in a Trap understanding captures the whole message. We all have a leg caught in a trap one way or another. And we need each other to walk to safety and help.
it remind me of the Jewish aphorism that heaven and hell are the same place. A place where no one has elbows. In hell everyone is trying to feed himself. In heaven we feed each other. Sounds simple but as we all know it’s not. Videos like Tara Branch’s starts to loosen the knot. Thank you.
Stefan’s story was so relevant. This offered a new way to approach judgment and blame. I feel this in my heart and gut! It will take practice. Thank you!
The thing that I took home is that for compassion to arise we have to feel safe. Otherwise the insecure reptilian brain takes over. As someone who has a habit of looking after others and “rescuing” but neglecting myself that’s important. I need to “take refuge” in the Dharmic sense and let go of that habitual ego making. And then kindly insist I am treated kindly so I can be kind in return.
This certainly makes sense and I feel motivated to be able to do it…… but the internal resistance to self and other compassion I encountered rather shocked me and made me realise what an ingrained habit the apparent ‘armour’ of self righteousness and blame can become. It needs shifting, but it’s really hard!!
This certainly makes sense and I feel motivated to be able to do it…… but the internal resistance to self and other compassion I encountered rather shocked me and made me realise what an ingrained habit the apparent ‘armour’ of self righteousness and blame can become. It needs shifting, but it’s really hard!!
thank you so much Tara. I realized during the meditation how overwhelmed I can feel sometimes. I realize it must have been so often as a child, that I felt this. It helps me to understand myself more and to have more compassion.
So hard to know as it is so hard for me to do. I try and for certain situations I can do that, but the true “biggies” I just am not ready or feel that I need guidance to do so.
I would be lighter and free, there would be more room for joy. Also have more clarity. Judgement and chronic blame has keeps me stuck. Realizing as I write this that blame and judgment os loving staying locked up in the brain 🧠
Thankyou. I am 72 but grew up never feeling loved and respected, or accepted by my parents. I never felt good enough for them, regardless of my accomplishments. They just used them against me stating I was capable of taking care of myself, where my brother who never studied, was a drug addict, and never worked, was always protected and supported, “because he could not take care of himself”. I have lived a lifetime of resentment. I have a wonderful life, with a husband, and beautiful daughter, but I always feel I am walking a tightrope of feeling unappreciated, and I know that is within me. I get my feelings hurt too easy with my family and friends, and do not know how to change this cycle.
I’d be happier and do more things. I’d would be free from the burdens of my mind and grief.
Letting go of judgment, I was reminded of how the person I’m upset with is seeing the world as an unfair place, how she feels lonely, vulnerable. I felt a bit more compassionate about how she makes meaning, and it released some of my grip on story.
This exercise brought up a lot of hurt (not anger) that I didn’t realize was there.
I really struggle to actual feel my own feelings. Trying to have compassion for not feeling is difficult.
Thank youTara, I found this deeply moving and personal and left me feeling sad but relieved that years ago my father and I were also able to reconcile after years of anger, hurt,
Shame and judgement. It was too after I started my meditation practice that I came to realize how much time and energy I had given to how much he had failed me and my family. When I saw “his foot in the trap” he was an alcoholic I was able to come to a place of acceptance of his disease. He got cancer and suffered terribly and I was able to support him in his chemo, and give him the love and tenderness that I know he wanted to but could not give me in my formative years. I still carry the negative voice/
Judge around with me.
But I am able to quieten it and recover faster with my practice of loving kindness and self compassion. Thank you for this wonderful program
Found the story of Stephen moving and healing.
I hadn’t realised how limiting self blame is, by allowing me to avoid getting to the root of the feelings. I was surprised by the clarity that emerged with the exercise looking at a minor resentment. Thank you for sharing these insights and gentle practices.
Thank you for addressing the need of therapists during the present times
I find it difficult to use this process when face to face with this person, in the moment. I can do this well in my own space and time, even do fairly well w this when talking on the phone w them… but the triggers that occur when in person… for both of us make this process complex and difficult to stay in the present moment with.
Thank you for these gifts.
Question
Are there scholarships for the courses offerred through Nicabm?
Trudy
I would be an empowered joyous, creative person !
Thank you, Tara🙏
I would be able to forgive myself and others and feel connected and closer
It helped with what I am going through as my sister is in her last stage of life at 64 years old. The talk helped me to rethink various situations that are arising in myself and with my sisters.
Your teachings and practices always shore up my sense of hope. I love this one. Thank you.
Thank you for the gift of you. You make a choice each time to share to help heal others and for that I am grateful! I pray blessings upon you and yours!
The visual of the dog in the trap was particularly helpful.
Thanks for this Tara
I’m wondering how we can employ this with people close to us who are unwell with serious trauma or disorders?
Great information. I appreciate the techniques for get out of my head and into my heart space.
An unburdened soul. No baggage to weigh me down. Moving from shame and blame to loving acceptance of all that I am. Love and approve of myself.
A big cloud of grief came over me, when making the u turn. I must have felt this grief so often as a child. I harshly judged myself when my parents reacted without compassion for themselves and for me, or others. Every time, at first, it looks like a new, impossible dea to have compassion for myself. Now I feel so much compassion for myself and for the other person.
If I could let go of judgment and chronic blame I would have more space for contentment and increased enjoyment of the present moment.
What a powerful message and practice! I love Tara`s books and meditations
My adult son wants those he loves to get in the trap with him so he won’t feel alone in his pain. Of course he has no idea this is what he wants. He poo poos the contemplative way, so listening to Tara’s healing talks is not an option. I didn’t realize until going through the simple U turn exercise that he wants us to be in the trap with him. I may try and give him that example and see if it helps him. Thank you.
More connected with my own vitality!
Wonderful video’s, thank you!
I don’t even know who I would be without self blame. I have been conditioned to do this my whole life. I want to leave it behind and I am consciously trying to.
This one reached me where I am and where I hurt. Doing the U Turn, self compassion and staying with this practice with Tara made the situation of blame I am in so very real. I never realized just how deep the blame and judgment went. I will have to practice this a few times at least before I will be able to stop weeping over it. And I thought I was choosing something minor to work on….lo and behold! Thank you for this Tara. God bless you for this work you are doing.
When I’ve attended so called forgiveness workshops I felt something big was missing. Tara’s process feels complete. Others teach more about giving compassion to others than to yourself. I believe putting attention on self compassion allows compassion for others to arise.
I love it! Switching from judgement and blame to compassion using the U turn (You turn) was transformational. It works like a light switch and instantly flips my minds focus from the dark side of negative ruminating to my heart space of Light love and compassion initially for self and then as an extension to those that I had perceived aggrieved
me. What would I be without my blame thoughts???Happier and at peace by not fixating on blame as well as empowered because I can’t change others but I can choose how I react when I release blame. You know what they say “When we point at others with our index finger there are three fingers pointing back at self” THANKS
Thank you for beautiful videos!
My experience is that we have both light and heavy feelings, like anger and emotional pain – for a reason. The problem isn´t actually the existence of different feelings. The problem is when the heavy feelings “eats us up” for a longer period of time, because we don´t know how to listen to them, how to accept them and how to manage them.
We don´t need to get rid of the heavy feelings “for ever” to feel self-compassion; if trying to do so, we just shut down a part of our unconsciousness system, a signaling part of ourselves that can tell us if something is wrong.
It´s popular for example in some New Age-schools, in A course in Miracles (ACIM)-workshops and in the Catholic church, to have access to some feelings and to shut down the other feelings. And you don´t get any help with the inner voice that tells you that you´re actually hurting yourself. Just “forgive him because he doesn´t know what he´s doing.” I have gone these ways (and some other) and while other people can enjoy the benefits, for example of a sharing community, I got further away from myself. The inner work that some ideologies prefer to talk about, and exclude the other parts of psychology, they can get you even further away from who you are.
When we learn the techniques where we see the emotions as a part of ourselves, how to deal with them inside – it gets easier to accept them and to move forward to self-compassion and healing.
So thank you for talking of self-compassion and focusing on ourselves in the first place, and for the reminder not to judge ourselves. We can accept the facts, that we have been unconscious and have done things to ourselves, and we can be caring at the same time.
When we can focus more on ourselves, we don´t give the other people or the predators more energy, and we feel less dependent of the other person’s judgment. I think, we don´t need to forget history, what has happened. We can see the other person´s live and actions from different perspectives and love him/her at the same time. We don´t either need to blame ourselves for not forgiving someone and act as nothing has happened, especially if the person is not regretting anything. We can still love the person, but not accept that a person behaves in a certain way. Just to see things clearly, is not judging for me.
I think that feelings for example of anger or emotional pain will naturally step aside and give room for other feelings when we accept the facts and take care of ourselves.
So take care!
A more relaxed, understanding, and compassionate person.
I would be my most fulfilled self. I would at least let go of the weight and burden I carry everyday. I would be more open, more loving, and more perceptive of the beauty around me. It’s hard, but I welcome the challenge and have faith that I can change.
The Leg in a Trap understanding captures the whole message. We all have a leg caught in a trap one way or another. And we need each other to walk to safety and help.
it remind me of the Jewish aphorism that heaven and hell are the same place. A place where no one has elbows. In hell everyone is trying to feed himself. In heaven we feed each other. Sounds simple but as we all know it’s not. Videos like Tara Branch’s starts to loosen the knot. Thank you.
Stefan’s story was so relevant. This offered a new way to approach judgment and blame. I feel this in my heart and gut! It will take practice. Thank you!
I would be who I really and and who I was meant to be – me
I would be connected to my feelings of peace and contentment. My ego would be set aside from judgement and reactions.
Thank you Tara for these wonderful teachings. l find the reflection times so helpful.
Excellent videos. Love how Tara Brach explains the concept and then gives actual questions to ask as part of the process.
This was very helpful- thank you!
That was really liberating and thought-provoking. I like the image of the dog with his leg in a trap. Thanks
The thing that I took home is that for compassion to arise we have to feel safe. Otherwise the insecure reptilian brain takes over. As someone who has a habit of looking after others and “rescuing” but neglecting myself that’s important. I need to “take refuge” in the Dharmic sense and let go of that habitual ego making. And then kindly insist I am treated kindly so I can be kind in return.
So open and free and light. Would have so much more time on my hand.
This certainly makes sense and I feel motivated to be able to do it…… but the internal resistance to self and other compassion I encountered rather shocked me and made me realise what an ingrained habit the apparent ‘armour’ of self righteousness and blame can become. It needs shifting, but it’s really hard!!
This certainly makes sense and I feel motivated to be able to do it…… but the internal resistance to self and other compassion I encountered rather shocked me and made me realise what an ingrained habit the apparent ‘armour’ of self righteousness and blame can become. It needs shifting, but it’s really hard!!
thank you so much Tara. I realized during the meditation how overwhelmed I can feel sometimes. I realize it must have been so often as a child, that I felt this. It helps me to understand myself more and to have more compassion.
Just where I am and the u turn I am making. This is right on time. Thanks
A powerful source of love and light.
So hard to know as it is so hard for me to do. I try and for certain situations I can do that, but the true “biggies” I just am not ready or feel that I need guidance to do so.
I felt a sense of calm when doing the U turn and can see how liberating it would feel for my clients.
Free to be who I am and accept others as who they are 🙂
I would be lighter and free, there would be more room for joy. Also have more clarity. Judgement and chronic blame has keeps me stuck. Realizing as I write this that blame and judgment os loving staying locked up in the brain 🧠