If I let go of judgement and/or blame it would possibly lead to a happier and more peaceful soul. But, to connect with those people, however, I feel would cause more hurt and pain from their verbal and mental abuse. I struggle with a tug-o-war within myself. Interestingly, if they came to me….I would be there, as long as the abuse is gone…..but you see, I’ve been in this cycle, but with me going to them…..so I fear……no more! I guess I don’t judge or blame them or myself. I just don’t want them in my life on their terms! The safety out weighs the sadness of not having them in my life! So, though I stand neutral regarding judgement and blame….there is a tinge of sadness, for they are family, albeit, a missing link!
At first, I noticed some heaviness in my chest. It felt almost hard to breathe. As I did the practice, the heaviness gave way to tears and compassion flowed through me. I definitely want to incorporate this into my daily life. Thank you so much for sharing!
Thank you so much Tara. These practices are so impactful. Starting small is the key. I found this very helpful for myself and will bring it in to my work with clients. 🙏🏾
I think I am able to make a u-turn often when dealing with my partner, but the compassion I give when I visualize him as an injured animal quickly goes away, because he continues some insensitive behaviors at times…his scientific/black and white mind only understands a bit… I believe he might be on a spectrum…He’s a very successful, high-functioning person, but his possible being on a spectrum prevents him going deeper to really try to heal his own childhood traumas…How do I deal with a person like that? Who might be unable emotionally at times…? Do I teach myself/work on being in a constant state of empathy and compassion? Its hard for me to work on my anger when the “animal” doesnt show any signs of vulnerability…
Dorothea Ottaviano, Another Field, North Hollywood, CA, USAsays
Thank you for this. Visuals are beyond helpful. The leg caught in a trap is profound. We often fail to recognize how our own “leg” is trapped and how essential it is to recognize and use compassion towards self too… Like we would if another’s leg were trapped. When we do this, we’re more present/capable to truly help others. As a result, helping others becomes more of a “win-win” situation.
I find the image of the leg caught in a trap, very helpful as it gives a visual image and puts flesh on the bones of theory. I found it helped a to further a shift in myself in forgiving someone else as well as continuing to learn to be kinder to myself. Thank you.
I love these gentle exercises that help me to reverse the self judgement I’ve acquired over many years. I appreciate Tara’s work in the world; it’s very powerful, like water…. soft but powerful.
Thank you to NICABM for this great program.
I am a follower of your meditations topic, podcast etc I grew up in a very toxic family and I know (now) my anger was my castle to survive. When I started mindfulness practices and became aware I had to make a choice on whether I step into compassion for every body I blamed and self-compassion, I really thought It would not be possible for me to do that. But because you really touched my heart with all your teachings, I decided to at least give it a sincere try. Although I am not as disciplined I would like to be, when resentment builds up I do hear you and try to make that U-Turn. Not only is it possible for me but I don’t believe the real peace I am beginning to feel in my heart. Thank you so much Tara for all you bring t the world!!
I have been working for some time now on trying to see the situation from another’s point of reference Somewhere along the line I have stopped trying to understand . I have closed down . Watching these videos has brought me back to a place where I not only think of me and focus on my but seek understanding of the other. This has been so helpful as I see the humanity of myself and others more clearly. Thank you very much as with other material provided this has been so very very helpful
One of my toughest challenges is my self critical inner voice (which I then criticize myself for having— oh brother!!!— wait, am I supposed to make sense?!). I feel like I am making progress because I actually am more aware of it and that gives me more opportunities to challenge it or have a “do over”. There are some great takeaways from this workshop— the waves and the ocean, the 2 arrows, and the dog—-which will stay with me. Thank you.
I would be like a balloon, floating.I would hopefully be able to get closer to my family and friends, to be less vulnerable to self judgment and blame. Sometimes I feel quite closed off, but I’m always trying to protect myself. So I don’t feel safe enough to just be myself sometimes, because the hammer will come down.
I have been practicing the u turn unbeknownst to me with formal training. I am learning what it means to not take words so personally. I understand it is my choice to believe it or not. Allowing myself to feel the trigger and instead of blaming the other, I am doing my own work around the words and feelings. I wish this concept would be taught in grade school before the formative years of generational hurts are passed down. I congratulate myself for turning inward now and being able to make the necessary changes to my own thoughts and how I respond to them. It is different, and as each layer unfolds it becomes more beautiful. Thank you for all you offer and make accessible to so many. May the healing of the world begin with me🙏🏼😊
I would have closer relationships and certainly be more free to be me. I hold back in certain areas because of fear of judgement (which is in part because I am holding judgment of the other as well!) and this hinders closeness and authentic connection.
I know what it feels like to lift the heavy burdens of judgement and blame–as I have spun around the Sun enough times to have experienced things to let go of, although this current burden it is a tough one. It is going to take time to get to the place of letting go, and it is honestly my current journey. When I let go of this current story I will feel like I am under an open blue sky with sunshine, plenty of oxygen, plenty of friends at my side, with a joyful heart. I look forward to arriving there once again.
Hello Tara, I love your work. Have been following you and signing up for your offerings for some time now. The 3 videos in this series of teachings (so far) have been so good as a reminder for me in my daily mindfulness practice as well as giving some great advice/ways for introducing this work to clients. Mastering the idea of letting people be as they are, and creating space to full accept this, is a constant practice for me with my clients as well as my family/friend and myself! As always, I appreciate your practical and friendly approach to your teaching. Thank you Tara. Audrey
I can’t believe you want me to comment on a highly personal topic, and you then want to post it in public, with my name and physical location on a public venue. Yikes! I love you Tara, and you have been extremely helpful to me, but something about this seems off-putting.
Thank you.
I am excited to practice the U-Turn exercise, with hope it will allow me explore more about the challenge of setting boundaries with confidence.
We just had a house fire a few days ago and have to be out of our house for many months. A (formerly) very close friend reached out to me the day of the fire. She ditched me last year (said she couldn’t spend time with me anymore) as a result of me not being vaccinated. I have been devastated. (This included our entire friend group, but she led the way.) I let her know how her reaching out was devastating when I hadn’t heard from her all year.
I’m an LCSW in private practice and my daughter is a new MSW, going to law school. My wise daughter said that maybe Amy was very hurt, too…..had her leg in a trap. She’s a pediatrician and didn’t have the choice to bring her work home on zoom like I did.
I halfway considered what my daughter said, but after listening to the video, I can go further. Amy has offered to help. I need lots of help. I will soften.
Elizabeth Longsworth, Social Work, Pensacola, FL, USAsays
So appreciate the visual of the other person as “caught in a trap”. Strong visual and what a reminder to practice self compassion along with the benefits….this is important inner work for all of us as we navigate the external. Thank you for your dedication and for this.
I would be a different person. I would be free to be me and to make good choices for myself rather than trying to always even the score and show others that I am good enough and worthy.I would get rid of the feeling of I have to show them which often leads me into self sabotaging poor choices for myself.
Josephine Navarro, Teacher, Bay Shore, NY, USAsays
I would feel more stable as a person who has made mistakes in the past but who has made positive differences also. I wouldn’t let the bad experiences override the good. There would be a steady sense of happiness in me instead of being happy one day and unhappy the next.
This will definitely take practice. The patterns of blame and hurt run deep. However, once I’ve taken the first step I can’t go back. It feels like a new horizon. Thank you.
A happier, kinder and less abusive Wendy. The way I am most of me. When I do stop my hurtful and destructive rages which wound those I love the most, my husband and 3 yr. old airedale, Cyrus. My blame underlies certain responses often related to my stress quotient of a x to infinity value. My quickness to my anger is cruelty to myself husband and Cyrus-he is so emotionally sensitive that I Know i have caused him trauma – I pray for his forgiveness. I would be grateful to stop my self oppression and it’s ugliness.
I love the idea of taking the YOU turn and doing a bit of self reflection. I see how this tool can help to stop the blaming game and assist one in taking a deeper look within for any wounds that maybe suppressed.
This is right on the money – I have been too busy for ever blaming myself for being weak and not dealing well with uncertainty. This gives me a way out of it – thanks!
I feel as though I would be a better person both for others and for myself.
If I let go of judgement and/or blame it would possibly lead to a happier and more peaceful soul. But, to connect with those people, however, I feel would cause more hurt and pain from their verbal and mental abuse. I struggle with a tug-o-war within myself. Interestingly, if they came to me….I would be there, as long as the abuse is gone…..but you see, I’ve been in this cycle, but with me going to them…..so I fear……no more! I guess I don’t judge or blame them or myself. I just don’t want them in my life on their terms! The safety out weighs the sadness of not having them in my life! So, though I stand neutral regarding judgement and blame….there is a tinge of sadness, for they are family, albeit, a missing link!
I felt calmer. More at ease
These three videos have really resonated for me I have contacted a couple of my friends who may also benefit. Thanks for posting them.
What a beautiful practice. When we are in pain it is difficult to see the pain of others. Thank you for sharing it.
I would be a brighter spiritual being and be better able to ease suffering of othes
At first, I noticed some heaviness in my chest. It felt almost hard to breathe. As I did the practice, the heaviness gave way to tears and compassion flowed through me. I definitely want to incorporate this into my daily life. Thank you so much for sharing!
Very informative and helpful.
Remembering the visual of the dog in the trap will go a long ways in dropping judgement of others for me. Thank you!
It seems that the pain of 2021 has carried over to 2022 as well. I hope that I can listen to this again.
Not a lawyer. Just kidding. Calmer.
Things would be much much better with these skills. TMT Artist
Thank you so much Tara. These practices are so impactful. Starting small is the key. I found this very helpful for myself and will bring it in to my work with clients. 🙏🏾
I think I am able to make a u-turn often when dealing with my partner, but the compassion I give when I visualize him as an injured animal quickly goes away, because he continues some insensitive behaviors at times…his scientific/black and white mind only understands a bit… I believe he might be on a spectrum…He’s a very successful, high-functioning person, but his possible being on a spectrum prevents him going deeper to really try to heal his own childhood traumas…How do I deal with a person like that? Who might be unable emotionally at times…? Do I teach myself/work on being in a constant state of empathy and compassion? Its hard for me to work on my anger when the “animal” doesnt show any signs of vulnerability…
Thank you for this. Visuals are beyond helpful. The leg caught in a trap is profound. We often fail to recognize how our own “leg” is trapped and how essential it is to recognize and use compassion towards self too… Like we would if another’s leg were trapped. When we do this, we’re more present/capable to truly help others. As a result, helping others becomes more of a “win-win” situation.
I experienced the recognition that this very interesting approach needs to be done with guidance and consistency.
Great perspective shift.
I find the image of the leg caught in a trap, very helpful as it gives a visual image and puts flesh on the bones of theory. I found it helped a to further a shift in myself in forgiving someone else as well as continuing to learn to be kinder to myself. Thank you.
Loved every minute of this! Thank you! I’ve listened to it 3 times!
I love these gentle exercises that help me to reverse the self judgement I’ve acquired over many years. I appreciate Tara’s work in the world; it’s very powerful, like water…. soft but powerful.
Thank you to NICABM for this great program.
I am a follower of your meditations topic, podcast etc I grew up in a very toxic family and I know (now) my anger was my castle to survive. When I started mindfulness practices and became aware I had to make a choice on whether I step into compassion for every body I blamed and self-compassion, I really thought It would not be possible for me to do that. But because you really touched my heart with all your teachings, I decided to at least give it a sincere try. Although I am not as disciplined I would like to be, when resentment builds up I do hear you and try to make that U-Turn. Not only is it possible for me but I don’t believe the real peace I am beginning to feel in my heart. Thank you so much Tara for all you bring t the world!!
Tara, I just love your videos. I have sent links to both friends and clients 🙂
I have been working for some time now on trying to see the situation from another’s point of reference Somewhere along the line I have stopped trying to understand . I have closed down . Watching these videos has brought me back to a place where I not only think of me and focus on my but seek understanding of the other. This has been so helpful as I see the humanity of myself and others more clearly. Thank you very much as with other material provided this has been so very very helpful
One of my toughest challenges is my self critical inner voice (which I then criticize myself for having— oh brother!!!— wait, am I supposed to make sense?!). I feel like I am making progress because I actually am more aware of it and that gives me more opportunities to challenge it or have a “do over”. There are some great takeaways from this workshop— the waves and the ocean, the 2 arrows, and the dog—-which will stay with me. Thank you.
I would be like a balloon, floating.I would hopefully be able to get closer to my family and friends, to be less vulnerable to self judgment and blame. Sometimes I feel quite closed off, but I’m always trying to protect myself. So I don’t feel safe enough to just be myself sometimes, because the hammer will come down.
What a great visual the leg trap creates for both myself and those I interact with. Immediate compassion, softening, less blame. Thank you.
I have been practicing the u turn unbeknownst to me with formal training. I am learning what it means to not take words so personally. I understand it is my choice to believe it or not. Allowing myself to feel the trigger and instead of blaming the other, I am doing my own work around the words and feelings. I wish this concept would be taught in grade school before the formative years of generational hurts are passed down. I congratulate myself for turning inward now and being able to make the necessary changes to my own thoughts and how I respond to them. It is different, and as each layer unfolds it becomes more beautiful. Thank you for all you offer and make accessible to so many. May the healing of the world begin with me🙏🏼😊
Thanks. This was very helpful for myself and others in my life.
I would have closer relationships and certainly be more free to be me. I hold back in certain areas because of fear of judgement (which is in part because I am holding judgment of the other as well!) and this hinders closeness and authentic connection.
I know what it feels like to lift the heavy burdens of judgement and blame–as I have spun around the Sun enough times to have experienced things to let go of, although this current burden it is a tough one. It is going to take time to get to the place of letting go, and it is honestly my current journey. When I let go of this current story I will feel like I am under an open blue sky with sunshine, plenty of oxygen, plenty of friends at my side, with a joyful heart. I look forward to arriving there once again.
I COULDN’T AGREE MORE. THANKS, LAURISSA
Hello Tara, I love your work. Have been following you and signing up for your offerings for some time now. The 3 videos in this series of teachings (so far) have been so good as a reminder for me in my daily mindfulness practice as well as giving some great advice/ways for introducing this work to clients. Mastering the idea of letting people be as they are, and creating space to full accept this, is a constant practice for me with my clients as well as my family/friend and myself! As always, I appreciate your practical and friendly approach to your teaching. Thank you Tara. Audrey
I can’t believe you want me to comment on a highly personal topic, and you then want to post it in public, with my name and physical location on a public venue. Yikes! I love you Tara, and you have been extremely helpful to me, but something about this seems off-putting.
wish i knew this earlier
that’s amazing
Thank you.
I am excited to practice the U-Turn exercise, with hope it will allow me explore more about the challenge of setting boundaries with confidence.
We just had a house fire a few days ago and have to be out of our house for many months. A (formerly) very close friend reached out to me the day of the fire. She ditched me last year (said she couldn’t spend time with me anymore) as a result of me not being vaccinated. I have been devastated. (This included our entire friend group, but she led the way.) I let her know how her reaching out was devastating when I hadn’t heard from her all year.
I’m an LCSW in private practice and my daughter is a new MSW, going to law school. My wise daughter said that maybe Amy was very hurt, too…..had her leg in a trap. She’s a pediatrician and didn’t have the choice to bring her work home on zoom like I did.
I halfway considered what my daughter said, but after listening to the video, I can go further. Amy has offered to help. I need lots of help. I will soften.
Thank you, Tara!
So appreciate the visual of the other person as “caught in a trap”. Strong visual and what a reminder to practice self compassion along with the benefits….this is important inner work for all of us as we navigate the external. Thank you for your dedication and for this.
Free to be authentically me!
Wow, Free of judgment, I could be amazing and feel so free
I would feel a huge weight lifted off my shoulders, more connected in my relationships, and proud of myself for creating the change within.
I would be a different person. I would be free to be me and to make good choices for myself rather than trying to always even the score and show others that I am good enough and worthy.I would get rid of the feeling of I have to show them which often leads me into self sabotaging poor choices for myself.
I would feel more stable as a person who has made mistakes in the past but who has made positive differences also. I wouldn’t let the bad experiences override the good. There would be a steady sense of happiness in me instead of being happy one day and unhappy the next.
This is ground breaking work. Thank you for sharing.
This will definitely take practice. The patterns of blame and hurt run deep. However, once I’ve taken the first step I can’t go back. It feels like a new horizon. Thank you.
This was helpful. Thank you.
A happier, kinder and less abusive Wendy. The way I am most of me. When I do stop my hurtful and destructive rages which wound those I love the most, my husband and 3 yr. old airedale, Cyrus. My blame underlies certain responses often related to my stress quotient of a x to infinity value. My quickness to my anger is cruelty to myself husband and Cyrus-he is so emotionally sensitive that I Know i have caused him trauma – I pray for his forgiveness. I would be grateful to stop my self oppression and it’s ugliness.
I love the idea of taking the YOU turn and doing a bit of self reflection. I see how this tool can help to stop the blaming game and assist one in taking a deeper look within for any wounds that maybe suppressed.
This is right on the money – I have been too busy for ever blaming myself for being weak and not dealing well with uncertainty. This gives me a way out of it – thanks!
Thank you Tara! I like the U-turn and leg in a trap approach for gaining perspective of others and myself.
It’s almost incomprehensible to think this might work. But I’m in!
Patricia