I will definetly take the U-turn again and againg, there are many wounds that needs healing, and it feels so good when I manage to make a little space, calling it a wave that belongs instead of fighting it with all my heart.. I need more of this. Thank you so much Tara <3
I would be my FULL SELF!….instead of trying hard to be what I think the others need or might want from me to be. But I understand the service this part of mine is been given to me. Perhaps my second arrows were preventing me of feeling unsafe or abandomed,though it wasn’t the best way to do it! I can see my second arrow with compassion now and less judgement or blame. And its much easier also to see my trapped legs and other’s.
Thank you for all your work and kindness!
I have hidden from seeing my mum since she was diagnosed with dementia last year. This weekend I went to see her and her short term memory was terrible and sad to watch but she still had that sneering put down that I remember throughout my life. I’m 61 now and whilst my life and relationship with her have developed and moved on that sneer still has the power to pole-axe me. I came away feeling saddened, upset but also compassionate – I thought. But since then I have been anxious and subject to spontaneous panic attacks (these started during lockdown in the UK in early 2021). This video made me look at this weekend and see that my mum is losing her identity, that her leg is in that trap and maybe always has been. I felt a new deeper sadness for her and inside me that familiar feeling of “people will let you down”. I told myself it was OK to feel that way and I was able to feel grief for losing my mum and the beginning of peace for re-assuring myself. Thank you Tara
Lynaia Freund, Psychotherapy, Redlands, CA, USAsays
If i could find a way to let go blaming myself and others I would feel light and freed from the weight, the heavy burden I have been carrying since early childhood. Thank you for giving me hope Tara.
Tiffany Alvarado, Another Field, Libertyville, IL, USAsays
Who would I be if I could let go of judgement and chronic blame?
I would be a more compassionate and loving person. I would heal the wounds that have hurt me for so long. I would be able to invite growth and lessons from the experiences.
As I listened I realized that these practices are ones that I have used many times in the past and that I have been trying to apply to my current situation but are not working. The thing I heard that made a difference for me is hearing in this that such practices are never “shoulds”, but rather opportunities present when one is ready to go there. Knowing I am not yet ready makes me sad and angry, but it also helps me see where my attention needs to go next so that I can get to ‘ready’. Thank you so much.
Toni Mathis, Psychotherapy, La Crosse, WI, USAsays
As a new therapist, I appreciate your insights and your deep compassion for the flawed but beautiful humanness inside of us. To let go of the judgment and blame means to let go of something like a security blanket. It means facing the long-term pain, acceptance its presence, and applying kindness. If I let go of judgment and blame, I might just be a better therapist.
I felt a release of anger and a calm come over me. And funnily enough the situation I was using the upturn on changed and resolved an issue that rose this morning I could see from a more warm and open place, less reactive and emotional.
Happier and calmer for sure… stronger and more independent once free of the crutch that can be a security against not seeing inwards as it often just looks outwards. I work with women survivors of abuse and they struggle to think of meeting go for protection. I am thinking bards how to support them more in this gentle gradual approach …thank you.
My fear is I would stop, lie down and rest for a very long time , letting go of all my responsibility and those who need me ( husband , children, friends, clients) would suffer as a result of my inaction. The critical self voice I’ve lived with my whole life has lead me to believe it serves me well, keeps me moving, keeps me from becoming “lazy”. If I were to let go of judgement and chronic blame I would give myself permission to rest
Beautiful, I find myself thinking and cultivating my thoughts like this for a long time . Thank you for bringing it up. The one thing I didnt do as Tara said was accepting my own blame, making it ok.
I would be someone who is disarmed by weapons that are of no use, being open and not afraid of living my human vulnerability. By creating that state of being I give myself the chance to live more authentically and compassionate.
I was stunned at the effect the short meditation on taking the U-turn and seeing the vulnerability in others had on me.
I’ve done lots of “work” and feel basically that I’m okay; but I got tears in my eyes – so obviously there’s a chunk of something still inside me that needs to be shifted. Thank you!
More at peace. More open to connection. A sense of inner release and acceptance. In tune with my emotions and free to allow them without shifting towards negative self talk. Able to self soothe myself and then feel tenderness.
it felt foreign and fake. I did feel a bit of relief but then questioned myself. I’m 48 years old and have had these challenges my entire life. I will continue to work through these things as long as our nation stays mostly safe.
Jenny Ocegueda-Reynosa, Another Field, Hemet, CA, USAsays
I found that I was able to get in touch with my own feelings, but I resist feeling compassion for the person who hurt me. I can feel compassion for her, but I don’t want to because I judge her as being a “victim” and manipulating her siblings. I also find myself thinking that in “letting her off the hook” I am not holding her responsible for her actions. How do I not accept bad behavior from others, have my own boundaries, without letting them off? I think that’s the question that keeps me from truly forgiving her.
Thank you for offering these resources as they are very helpful.
Blessings
I still intentionally hold on and even nurture my protective armor, with awareness and intend, until I feel it softens enough to allow for more space.
I still do not feel safe enough in my circumstances or life. I also honor the part of me that is resisting and find that making a U turn is not really working if I don’t.
It is something I’m working with intentionally, not motivated by fear from a intellectual perspective.
It’s more about excepting the totality of my human experience.
I do want to thank you for pointing out the risks of re-traumatizing so to be honest there is a element of caution included in my approach.
For others reading this I am not overly cautious and am only approaching this with a beginners mind while having some experience.
I do meditate and can highly recommend Tara Brach and Jack Kornfield The Power of Awareness training.
The skills of the Uturn and letting go of the story are a really powerful way to realize we all have the feelings of rejection and hurt in common.
That does help open self compassion and realization that most of the time, people were or are doing the best they could at the time.
Thank you Tara, your videos and articles have really helped me. During the U turn I discovered feelings I wasn’t previously aware were connected to my story.
thank you, your teachings are very gentle and clear, I felt emotional, and able to give myself and the other compassion , would like to practice more , i would be more and at peace/ease with myself
Thank you so much. Sometimes I cannot tell what is my pain, and what is the pain I am picking up from the other, so intertwined , being always alongside. In this practice I felt a shift, as I paused with the focus on self aceptance. I will do it more! And with another example.
Being guided to focus on my feelings Without self judgement I I could let go of my resentment and hurt . I saw, understood that it was my vulnerability, including projections and self blame, that made me resent the others behaviour. Very easily loving kindness for each of us flowed .
Thank you for putting this together and providing us with such insights.
I love the practises. They make it concrete and give the tools needed to explore this further. I’m curious to what the further brings when I’ll be doing this daily.
For now I already feel some resistance in part 3, when you guide us in the practise to see vulnerability in the other person. Probably because this is what I used to do so often, I always saw from which pain the other person is coming. By doing that I ignored my own pain. I’m now learning myself to get in touch with myself. WIP 🙂
Thank you for your support!
I’m already looking forward to the other video
Judgement of myself and others seems so Ingrained into what I’m thinking. I would love to be relieved of this thought pattern. Thank you for your teachings.
I have been looking at this for some years now, following a point in my life where I realised I needed to create new boundaries and stop taking the lead from other (fairly toxic ) individuals in my life. This work continues, peeling off layers and layers.
The first layer was understanding that blame and anger was harming me even if it was justified in terms of what had occurred. Releasing this helped me to feel so much better and to understand the behaviours from a different perspective. This actually lead to being able to remake some relationships with different boundaries.
By now I am seeing that I still carry self-blame and blame for others in more subtle ways, and that whenever I see it clearly this actually helps to empower me. Carrying the sense of blame robs me of power because whilst things are someone else’s fault, I cannot change them. When I am blaming myself I am shrinking away from looking at how to change things due to that sense of shame and self-dislike.
As I move through this process I am becoming more able to express myself, more able to share with others how I feel without burdening them by expecting them to take responsibility for my well-being.
I am more able to hear others’ feelings and empathise, my connections are stronger as there is more space to be with others.
I will definetly take the U-turn again and againg, there are many wounds that needs healing, and it feels so good when I manage to make a little space, calling it a wave that belongs instead of fighting it with all my heart.. I need more of this. Thank you so much Tara <3
I would be my FULL SELF!….instead of trying hard to be what I think the others need or might want from me to be. But I understand the service this part of mine is been given to me. Perhaps my second arrows were preventing me of feeling unsafe or abandomed,though it wasn’t the best way to do it! I can see my second arrow with compassion now and less judgement or blame. And its much easier also to see my trapped legs and other’s.
Thank you for all your work and kindness!
I have hidden from seeing my mum since she was diagnosed with dementia last year. This weekend I went to see her and her short term memory was terrible and sad to watch but she still had that sneering put down that I remember throughout my life. I’m 61 now and whilst my life and relationship with her have developed and moved on that sneer still has the power to pole-axe me. I came away feeling saddened, upset but also compassionate – I thought. But since then I have been anxious and subject to spontaneous panic attacks (these started during lockdown in the UK in early 2021). This video made me look at this weekend and see that my mum is losing her identity, that her leg is in that trap and maybe always has been. I felt a new deeper sadness for her and inside me that familiar feeling of “people will let you down”. I told myself it was OK to feel that way and I was able to feel grief for losing my mum and the beginning of peace for re-assuring myself. Thank you Tara
If i could find a way to let go blaming myself and others I would feel light and freed from the weight, the heavy burden I have been carrying since early childhood. Thank you for giving me hope Tara.
clear in my decisions
ease in prioritizing
playful
Spending my energy in whatever I need to do without blaming myself. Finding balance in my life.
Who would I be if I could let go of judgement and chronic blame?
I would be a more compassionate and loving person. I would heal the wounds that have hurt me for so long. I would be able to invite growth and lessons from the experiences.
I really liked the information about the two arrows. I have to stop doing that.
thank you for helping everyone. we all need to live in this world..
This is definitely something I know I need to keep learning. Thank you for sharing this with us.
As I listened I realized that these practices are ones that I have used many times in the past and that I have been trying to apply to my current situation but are not working. The thing I heard that made a difference for me is hearing in this that such practices are never “shoulds”, but rather opportunities present when one is ready to go there. Knowing I am not yet ready makes me sad and angry, but it also helps me see where my attention needs to go next so that I can get to ‘ready’. Thank you so much.
I would be able to live freer and be more myself.
As a new therapist, I appreciate your insights and your deep compassion for the flawed but beautiful humanness inside of us. To let go of the judgment and blame means to let go of something like a security blanket. It means facing the long-term pain, acceptance its presence, and applying kindness. If I let go of judgment and blame, I might just be a better therapist.
A lovely practice for being with feelings I’m ashamed of having towards loved ones. Thank you
I would be a better me, more resilient and contented
Feeling vulnerable, but free!!
I felt a release of anger and a calm come over me. And funnily enough the situation I was using the upturn on changed and resolved an issue that rose this morning I could see from a more warm and open place, less reactive and emotional.
Happier and calmer for sure… stronger and more independent once free of the crutch that can be a security against not seeing inwards as it often just looks outwards. I work with women survivors of abuse and they struggle to think of meeting go for protection. I am thinking bards how to support them more in this gentle gradual approach …thank you.
Thank you so much for that teaching, it change my perception.I look forward to receive the recordind, so I can practice and integrate the lesson.
My fear is I would stop, lie down and rest for a very long time , letting go of all my responsibility and those who need me ( husband , children, friends, clients) would suffer as a result of my inaction. The critical self voice I’ve lived with my whole life has lead me to believe it serves me well, keeps me moving, keeps me from becoming “lazy”. If I were to let go of judgement and chronic blame I would give myself permission to rest
Thank you Tara for your teachings. They have made a difference in my life. I am so grateful.
Peace and understanding, but also still some resistance. This has been very helpful, thank you!
So appreciate the u turn exercise! Beautiful
Free and spacious. Loving.
Beautiful, I find myself thinking and cultivating my thoughts like this for a long time . Thank you for bringing it up. The one thing I didnt do as Tara said was accepting my own blame, making it ok.
After months of first anger then separation, I now plan to write to my old friend, and I’m grateful for that.
Thank you so much for a most helpful practice. This has enhanced peace . Thank you.
More acceptance
I would be someone who is disarmed by weapons that are of no use, being open and not afraid of living my human vulnerability. By creating that state of being I give myself the chance to live more authentically and compassionate.
I was stunned at the effect the short meditation on taking the U-turn and seeing the vulnerability in others had on me.
I’ve done lots of “work” and feel basically that I’m okay; but I got tears in my eyes – so obviously there’s a chunk of something still inside me that needs to be shifted. Thank you!
A better spouse to a wife with cognitive issues.
I can see where judging myself for feeling my emotions is like me pushing the trap further into my leg.
More at peace. More open to connection. A sense of inner release and acceptance. In tune with my emotions and free to allow them without shifting towards negative self talk. Able to self soothe myself and then feel tenderness.
Thank you Tara
It is not easy to feel my feelings, but is very freeing, thanks Tara
it felt foreign and fake. I did feel a bit of relief but then questioned myself. I’m 48 years old and have had these challenges my entire life. I will continue to work through these things as long as our nation stays mostly safe.
I found that I was able to get in touch with my own feelings, but I resist feeling compassion for the person who hurt me. I can feel compassion for her, but I don’t want to because I judge her as being a “victim” and manipulating her siblings. I also find myself thinking that in “letting her off the hook” I am not holding her responsible for her actions. How do I not accept bad behavior from others, have my own boundaries, without letting them off? I think that’s the question that keeps me from truly forgiving her.
Thank you for offering these resources as they are very helpful.
Blessings
I still intentionally hold on and even nurture my protective armor, with awareness and intend, until I feel it softens enough to allow for more space.
I still do not feel safe enough in my circumstances or life. I also honor the part of me that is resisting and find that making a U turn is not really working if I don’t.
It is something I’m working with intentionally, not motivated by fear from a intellectual perspective.
It’s more about excepting the totality of my human experience.
I do want to thank you for pointing out the risks of re-traumatizing so to be honest there is a element of caution included in my approach.
For others reading this I am not overly cautious and am only approaching this with a beginners mind while having some experience.
I do meditate and can highly recommend Tara Brach and Jack Kornfield The Power of Awareness training.
I love this – so hold onto hurt and anger too much so love the idea of the leg in a trap
Your teachings have been so helpful to me in my own journey and emotional wellness. Thank you.
The skills of the Uturn and letting go of the story are a really powerful way to realize we all have the feelings of rejection and hurt in common.
That does help open self compassion and realization that most of the time, people were or are doing the best they could at the time.
Thank you 🙏🏻 Tara
Thank you Tara, your videos and articles have really helped me. During the U turn I discovered feelings I wasn’t previously aware were connected to my story.
thank you, your teachings are very gentle and clear, I felt emotional, and able to give myself and the other compassion , would like to practice more , i would be more and at peace/ease with myself
Thank you so much. Sometimes I cannot tell what is my pain, and what is the pain I am picking up from the other, so intertwined , being always alongside. In this practice I felt a shift, as I paused with the focus on self aceptance. I will do it more! And with another example.
Being guided to focus on my feelings Without self judgement I I could let go of my resentment and hurt . I saw, understood that it was my vulnerability, including projections and self blame, that made me resent the others behaviour. Very easily loving kindness for each of us flowed .
Dear Tara and colleagues at NICABM,
Thank you for putting this together and providing us with such insights.
I love the practises. They make it concrete and give the tools needed to explore this further. I’m curious to what the further brings when I’ll be doing this daily.
For now I already feel some resistance in part 3, when you guide us in the practise to see vulnerability in the other person. Probably because this is what I used to do so often, I always saw from which pain the other person is coming. By doing that I ignored my own pain. I’m now learning myself to get in touch with myself. WIP 🙂
Thank you for your support!
I’m already looking forward to the other video
Kind regards,
Sarah
Beautiful practices that help soften the pain and hurt while offering compassion to others.
I would be more confident!
Judgement of myself and others seems so Ingrained into what I’m thinking. I would love to be relieved of this thought pattern. Thank you for your teachings.
Thank you for this essential work
Thank you for the ”U-turn”!
I found it very caring and loving, even if it feels painful it is also very soothing to accept and embrace my feeling.
I have been looking at this for some years now, following a point in my life where I realised I needed to create new boundaries and stop taking the lead from other (fairly toxic ) individuals in my life. This work continues, peeling off layers and layers.
The first layer was understanding that blame and anger was harming me even if it was justified in terms of what had occurred. Releasing this helped me to feel so much better and to understand the behaviours from a different perspective. This actually lead to being able to remake some relationships with different boundaries.
By now I am seeing that I still carry self-blame and blame for others in more subtle ways, and that whenever I see it clearly this actually helps to empower me. Carrying the sense of blame robs me of power because whilst things are someone else’s fault, I cannot change them. When I am blaming myself I am shrinking away from looking at how to change things due to that sense of shame and self-dislike.
As I move through this process I am becoming more able to express myself, more able to share with others how I feel without burdening them by expecting them to take responsibility for my well-being.
I am more able to hear others’ feelings and empathise, my connections are stronger as there is more space to be with others.