Elizabeth C, Another Field, Small Town, VT, USAsays
A deep sense of aloneness and the feeling that I have brought this on myself. I sense that there is something that keeps people away, is it something about who I am, what I do, or what I say?
What came up was a sense of urgency, pressure, and fear, and a familiar feeling of overwhelm that can cripple my efforts and leave me feeling confused and hopelessly inadequate. Just making the time to focus on what came up, with compassion instead of judgement, felt like a kindness. Such a simple practice and what a valuable tool. I found I really could sit with those feelings, without distractions, and just let them be, and at the same time, feel some sense of calm. Thank you
Fortunately I can be kind to myself, I still deal with old programs of unworthiness or not being good enough that I must try harder to get rid of, but being conscious of the situation I believe is already an advantage, so if I can be more mindful for longer periods during the day and keep acting with compassion and kindness to myself I trust everything is going to work out fine. Thank you for your wonderful and kind help Tara. Bless you.
I was surprised to find a deep sadness. Then I saw myself as a little boy, back when I could innocently genuinely experience and express my feelings, before I learned to tuck most of them away. Self compassion is new and a rather foreign concept.
while i was listening to you, a part of me wanted to embrace being kind to myself. yet, another part voiced out all the things that have gone wrong and all the times others (mother included) have said something is fundamentally wrong with me.
Thank you! I grew up very competitive relative to sports. The feeling of not being #1 in a specific event made me not like myself. My mom, in my opinion, was a perfectionist. In hindsight, 50 years later, I don’t know.
to stay with the present inner state brought more space, distance and relief. The texture of the feeling got less dense. A very interesting discovery!!!
Thanks a lot for the video, the informations!!!
Lorraine Platt, Counseling, Mill Valley, CA, USAsays
I’m afraid people will leave if I accidentally cause harm and that if they leave, it will confirm my negative feelings. But I just realized I’m harming myself with my own judgments, and that I need my own kindness the most. I will practice this. Thank you, Lorraine.
I liked the reflections of the palliative workers on what people regret. I thought it would be spending more time with family. But being real, honest and caring with myself is deeper (and seeing family more would become a biproduct of knowing myself and what is important to me better). I read a line in a detective novel where the detective is trying to figure it out. Someone says “surrender to reality” and snap he makes a break thru. With your approach I can tweak that phrase a bit and say to myself “surrender with loving kindeness to reality”.
Thank you for this! I appreciate the simple practice of observing ‘what’s happening’ and accepting ‘can I be with this?’ Very useful for my work with detainees in county jail, as I frequently work with them on mindfulness and most frequently related Acceptance practice.
Al
Margaret Lynch, Health Education, Trinidad, CO, USAsays
Our family is gathered in the town where my oldest daughter lives. We are here to support her and her husband. Robbie has ALS and seems to be close to death. We are here to help but there is a tension that makes us feel helpless as we witness the grief and we are unable to console.
My son-in-law and 4 year old grandson, Cosmas, took an early morning swim in the hotel pool. Cosmas was relishing the victory of all the swimming races he had with his father Joe. As a bystander, I shouted “Victory” with every win. And the tension in my heart melted with the opportunity for kindness.
This really works and Thank You from the bottom of my heart for reminding me of the power of kindness, it really helps.
I felt anxious, then fear and there was a sadness because I felt I can’t fix this. I am incapable of it. And then a sadness that brought fear again. I felt it in my stomach and chest area.
II can’t remember what had to say to myself, but said it and said and with kindness. and I felt the feeling spread but in a unconcentrated way. not a solid block. I always think like a drop of dirt in water and you can see the edges of the dirt dispersing slowly. The dirty colour softening and moving away. There is sadness but I think that is a good thing. To know it is there. But I am scared of looking too deep into it, but if it gently disperses and I could think of it as a drop of colour ink rather than a piece of mud in water. Needs to be something more solid than ink to give me patience of time. anyway must go.
firstly, the sense of compassion for myself and looking inward is uncomfortable; I am realizing I am so used to condemning and questioning myself—-not accepting.
Sandra Lillie, Psychotherapy, Emerald Hills, CA, USAsays
I did immediately notice a softening of the experience of anxiety and sadness I had become aware of feeling when I paid attention, like turning down the volume of the experience. Still there, but much less intense. A sense of effectively comforting myself.
What’s happening within me right now? I have a sense of hope that I can be responsible for my own happiness…all my life I have relied on the perception, comments and actions of others to give me the validation of self-worth. From my very earliest memory, I have thought of my life on earth as a reminder of how my parents marriage was because of the pregnancy with me and not because of love or a desire for happiness together as a couple. I so want to feel necessary on this earth. May I please gain insight and personal belief in my own worthiness to exist and my right to experience happiness at the core of my being, not just in the outer layers.
“What is happening, and, can I be with this?’
I think that the idea of “the kindness of awareness” is very helpful in this inquiry, and it’s outcome. Thank you, Tara.
Really enjoyed the video, very succinct and clear. When I brought kindness into my pain I had a sense of space and warmth. Considering the question ‘what am I unwilling to feel’ gives me a sense of possibility and personal empowerment, in that I can work on clarifying what it is I am feeling and what I am scared of.
There is so much resistance in me.
It becomes overwhelming.
Am I too scared to face the truth ?
or, I just don’t know where to start !
Your kind words help me to open the door.
If it doesn’t open, it is not my door 🩷
I found myself getting really tired which maybe felt more like relaxed and peaceful, an absence of hypervigilance. What I also noticed is I didn’t feel a need to escape my present moment.
when I was thinking with kindness while being aware of my feelings & emotions I started to feel a little less delicate, sad, vulnerable & alone more strength & hope lifted me up a bit. Thank you so much for your deep understanding, kindness & generosity in sharing these free life changing exercises & teachings with those of us who are on a very small budget with trauma backgrounds wanting to change our patterns & traps to become more aware, loving, helpful in this world peaceful & in harmony💗
Physically relaxed and became aware of my body. The clouded brain fog opened out and I could ‘see’ around me after being in a cloud for quite a few days. Also the anxiety wasn’t indicative of my whole self/being. It shifted to a lower rung.
Yes, yes, yes, Love is the essential ingredient! Love for the self, Love for our brothers and sisters. All peoples, following the path of peace and love. Working in cooperation with one another, knowing how to share and negotiate fairly. Giving value to one another and appreciating the beauty of all Creation! Cheers to Unity!
I realized I was feeling impatient with a friend who sai they were too tired to miss me. . My body relaxed when I brought compassion to myself in that state. I felt my heart softening, and I realized I wanted to be more compassionate and patient with my friend too.
I enjoyed the video. When I was watching, I could not help seeing the nature and trees behind you. it really talked to me and I connected with this great longing to have a home that reflects nature and beauty. I’m struggling now with the home, costs, etc issue right now. Your message was to expand, recognize and be with me with great love and compassion to see and honor my great longing…I’ve been inside and away from nature too long. God bless me and my desire to serve my clients and my 92 yr old mother, but I need more time in nature for me!
I felt optimistic about being able to be compassionate to myself from the honest conversation Tara was opening by her sharing. I felt I was not alone – normal; and understood. I look forward to the next part of this discussion about self compassion.
Hi Colleen, I live in Abu Dhabi, and I’m from the Southeast US, and have been literally craving my forests, trees, and greenery. So, I went online and bought curtains that look like the forest/scenes of nature and hung them on my wall. There are also some really great 4k videos on youtube these days. Due to sandstorms and heat (I have frequent skin cancer and also asthma) this is not a hospitable environment for me outside at least 8-9mo a year and in the US I’m outside almost 365 days a year. So I created a room that has a ‘forest’ wall where my walking pad and yoga items go, and put a beach scene in the hallway. Just being creative about bringing the outside inside. Maybe it could help you too until you can move! Blessings to all and Namaste <3
I have followed you for perhaps a dozen years but of late have fallen into a period of that deep trance of unworthiness. Your words here were wonderful reminders that I can call upon authentic self compassion, when as I become aware of deeply trenched thought patterns of self-hatred.
So I must and want to gather up my pallet and walk , even as I have been in a place of sleeping and isolation for several days. I feel release and hope, and deep gratitude that you have reminded me that I can initiate healing and self care. Thank you Tara.
I like the presentation, it hits the visual as well as audio gets your attention differently. I wrestle with things at times and this was nourishing to hear. I was just thinking about it when I asked myself, What would I say to a friend?”. .That realizating opens things 🙂 Thank you for being there ,this was a gift
Marian Call, Social Work, Pleasureville, KY, USAsays
I felt skeptical that I could deal with these feelings of self-hatred and self-denigration. I’ve tried but have not been successful. I want to stop focusing on myself.
What came up was the but if’s of if I was just smarter, more motivated or communicative, I would be a better person. After retiring two years the self doubts that I have had came up in re-assessing my life and career and the next steps. Thank you.
A deep sense of aloneness and the feeling that I have brought this on myself. I sense that there is something that keeps people away, is it something about who I am, what I do, or what I say?
What came up was a sense of urgency, pressure, and fear, and a familiar feeling of overwhelm that can cripple my efforts and leave me feeling confused and hopelessly inadequate. Just making the time to focus on what came up, with compassion instead of judgement, felt like a kindness. Such a simple practice and what a valuable tool. I found I really could sit with those feelings, without distractions, and just let them be, and at the same time, feel some sense of calm. Thank you
Fortunately I can be kind to myself, I still deal with old programs of unworthiness or not being good enough that I must try harder to get rid of, but being conscious of the situation I believe is already an advantage, so if I can be more mindful for longer periods during the day and keep acting with compassion and kindness to myself I trust everything is going to work out fine. Thank you for your wonderful and kind help Tara. Bless you.
with kindness, even the most difficult things seem less overwhelming, it creates a gentleness in my life
Randi
It opened my heart. Thank you so much ♡
I was surprised to find a deep sadness. Then I saw myself as a little boy, back when I could innocently genuinely experience and express my feelings, before I learned to tuck most of them away. Self compassion is new and a rather foreign concept.
while i was listening to you, a part of me wanted to embrace being kind to myself. yet, another part voiced out all the things that have gone wrong and all the times others (mother included) have said something is fundamentally wrong with me.
Thank you! I grew up very competitive relative to sports. The feeling of not being #1 in a specific event made me not like myself. My mom, in my opinion, was a perfectionist. In hindsight, 50 years later, I don’t know.
I just cannot go there. there is too much pain there.
to stay with the present inner state brought more space, distance and relief. The texture of the feeling got less dense. A very interesting discovery!!!
Thanks a lot for the video, the informations!!!
I’m afraid people will leave if I accidentally cause harm and that if they leave, it will confirm my negative feelings. But I just realized I’m harming myself with my own judgments, and that I need my own kindness the most. I will practice this. Thank you, Lorraine.
Feeling fear of loneliness and when I bring compassion it becomes a little softer
feeling sadness and a struggle for accepting what is there. but a sense of self involved in the struggle
I felt like I couldn’t accept self compassion that I didn’t deserve it
I liked the reflections of the palliative workers on what people regret. I thought it would be spending more time with family. But being real, honest and caring with myself is deeper (and seeing family more would become a biproduct of knowing myself and what is important to me better). I read a line in a detective novel where the detective is trying to figure it out. Someone says “surrender to reality” and snap he makes a break thru. With your approach I can tweak that phrase a bit and say to myself “surrender with loving kindeness to reality”.
I felt touched by my own kindness toward myself. Thank you.
I experienced less resistance to the negative feelings.
I felt a softening of my heart towards myself.
I felt a sense of calm
Being true to myself and opening my heart.
I realized I am exhausted, started to defend, then just accepted that I need more rest right now and to let myself off of the proverbial hook
Thank you for this! I appreciate the simple practice of observing ‘what’s happening’ and accepting ‘can I be with this?’ Very useful for my work with detainees in county jail, as I frequently work with them on mindfulness and most frequently related Acceptance practice.
Al
Our family is gathered in the town where my oldest daughter lives. We are here to support her and her husband. Robbie has ALS and seems to be close to death. We are here to help but there is a tension that makes us feel helpless as we witness the grief and we are unable to console.
My son-in-law and 4 year old grandson, Cosmas, took an early morning swim in the hotel pool. Cosmas was relishing the victory of all the swimming races he had with his father Joe. As a bystander, I shouted “Victory” with every win. And the tension in my heart melted with the opportunity for kindness.
This really works and Thank You from the bottom of my heart for reminding me of the power of kindness, it really helps.
I felt anxious, then fear and there was a sadness because I felt I can’t fix this. I am incapable of it. And then a sadness that brought fear again. I felt it in my stomach and chest area.
II can’t remember what had to say to myself, but said it and said and with kindness. and I felt the feeling spread but in a unconcentrated way. not a solid block. I always think like a drop of dirt in water and you can see the edges of the dirt dispersing slowly. The dirty colour softening and moving away. There is sadness but I think that is a good thing. To know it is there. But I am scared of looking too deep into it, but if it gently disperses and I could think of it as a drop of colour ink rather than a piece of mud in water. Needs to be something more solid than ink to give me patience of time. anyway must go.
I started feeling a deep sadness about „my eternal and everlasting“ not being good enough.
Thank you Tara et al for bringing this offering here.
Namaste,
Rev Cee
I felt a rush of sadness and a flow of tears. I can’t put a finger on what triggered my tears, but it felt like the start of a release of emotions
firstly, the sense of compassion for myself and looking inward is uncomfortable; I am realizing I am so used to condemning and questioning myself—-not accepting.
I did immediately notice a softening of the experience of anxiety and sadness I had become aware of feeling when I paid attention, like turning down the volume of the experience. Still there, but much less intense. A sense of effectively comforting myself.
What’s happening within me right now? I have a sense of hope that I can be responsible for my own happiness…all my life I have relied on the perception, comments and actions of others to give me the validation of self-worth. From my very earliest memory, I have thought of my life on earth as a reminder of how my parents marriage was because of the pregnancy with me and not because of love or a desire for happiness together as a couple. I so want to feel necessary on this earth. May I please gain insight and personal belief in my own worthiness to exist and my right to experience happiness at the core of my being, not just in the outer layers.
I cried.
“What is happening, and, can I be with this?’
I think that the idea of “the kindness of awareness” is very helpful in this inquiry, and it’s outcome. Thank you, Tara.
Lovely video, inspiring calm and hopefullness.
Really enjoyed the video, very succinct and clear. When I brought kindness into my pain I had a sense of space and warmth. Considering the question ‘what am I unwilling to feel’ gives me a sense of possibility and personal empowerment, in that I can work on clarifying what it is I am feeling and what I am scared of.
There is so much resistance in me.
It becomes overwhelming.
Am I too scared to face the truth ?
or, I just don’t know where to start !
Your kind words help me to open the door.
If it doesn’t open, it is not my door 🩷
I found myself getting really tired which maybe felt more like relaxed and peaceful, an absence of hypervigilance. What I also noticed is I didn’t feel a need to escape my present moment.
when I was thinking with kindness while being aware of my feelings & emotions I started to feel a little less delicate, sad, vulnerable & alone more strength & hope lifted me up a bit. Thank you so much for your deep understanding, kindness & generosity in sharing these free life changing exercises & teachings with those of us who are on a very small budget with trauma backgrounds wanting to change our patterns & traps to become more aware, loving, helpful in this world peaceful & in harmony💗
I saw my jaw with locking levers and myself as a child trying to unlock and release the levers that held my mouth shut.
I kind of rushed into my own arms, with gratitude and relief
Physically relaxed and became aware of my body. The clouded brain fog opened out and I could ‘see’ around me after being in a cloud for quite a few days. Also the anxiety wasn’t indicative of my whole self/being. It shifted to a lower rung.
Yes, yes, yes, Love is the essential ingredient! Love for the self, Love for our brothers and sisters. All peoples, following the path of peace and love. Working in cooperation with one another, knowing how to share and negotiate fairly. Giving value to one another and appreciating the beauty of all Creation! Cheers to Unity!
I realized I was feeling impatient with a friend who sai they were too tired to miss me. . My body relaxed when I brought compassion to myself in that state. I felt my heart softening, and I realized I wanted to be more compassionate and patient with my friend too.
I enjoyed the video. When I was watching, I could not help seeing the nature and trees behind you. it really talked to me and I connected with this great longing to have a home that reflects nature and beauty. I’m struggling now with the home, costs, etc issue right now. Your message was to expand, recognize and be with me with great love and compassion to see and honor my great longing…I’ve been inside and away from nature too long. God bless me and my desire to serve my clients and my 92 yr old mother, but I need more time in nature for me!
I felt optimistic about being able to be compassionate to myself from the honest conversation Tara was opening by her sharing. I felt I was not alone – normal; and understood. I look forward to the next part of this discussion about self compassion.
Hi Colleen, I live in Abu Dhabi, and I’m from the Southeast US, and have been literally craving my forests, trees, and greenery. So, I went online and bought curtains that look like the forest/scenes of nature and hung them on my wall. There are also some really great 4k videos on youtube these days. Due to sandstorms and heat (I have frequent skin cancer and also asthma) this is not a hospitable environment for me outside at least 8-9mo a year and in the US I’m outside almost 365 days a year. So I created a room that has a ‘forest’ wall where my walking pad and yoga items go, and put a beach scene in the hallway. Just being creative about bringing the outside inside. Maybe it could help you too until you can move! Blessings to all and Namaste <3
🌹
I have followed you for perhaps a dozen years but of late have fallen into a period of that deep trance of unworthiness. Your words here were wonderful reminders that I can call upon authentic self compassion, when as I become aware of deeply trenched thought patterns of self-hatred.
So I must and want to gather up my pallet and walk , even as I have been in a place of sleeping and isolation for several days. I feel release and hope, and deep gratitude that you have reminded me that I can initiate healing and self care. Thank you Tara.
I like the presentation, it hits the visual as well as audio gets your attention differently. I wrestle with things at times and this was nourishing to hear. I was just thinking about it when I asked myself, What would I say to a friend?”. .That realizating opens things 🙂 Thank you for being there ,this was a gift
I felt a sense of nurturing warmth, to be able to take a breath and release the tension-holding space for my feelings without judgment.
I felt skeptical that I could deal with these feelings of self-hatred and self-denigration. I’ve tried but have not been successful. I want to stop focusing on myself.
What came up was the but if’s of if I was just smarter, more motivated or communicative, I would be a better person. After retiring two years the self doubts that I have had came up in re-assessing my life and career and the next steps. Thank you.
The sick feeling dissolved and I understand that I can follow the desires of my higher self because I’m connected to holiness.