I am already familiar with this way of being Tara. I initially learned this 40 years ago through Transpersonal Jungian training and then absolutely through Transactional Analysis. Its the core principle of I’m OK-You’re OK Unfortunately not always understood in this way by TA therapists and trainers. Absolutely correct that its not possible to be authentic as a therapist unless you embrace I AM OK. I really like your way of teaching this. Thank you.
Tara you are a wonderful teacher. Thank you. This teaching reminds me to touch the suffering I experience when I find myself in the trance of unworthiness. As I grieve the loss of my beloved sister I have been relentless in harsh judgements and regrets about thoughts and behaviors as she struggled with the end of her life. I was selfish and unkind; struggling with my own sense of loss. She was my touch stone.
I was surprised with just that small moment I could feel self-compassion and hope. Hope that I could get out of my spiral of loneliness, depression, and fear. With great appreciation. Betsy
I thought the idea of pausing to imagine the pain each person is feeling (the wounded dog metaphor) is a useful thing to consider and the double arrow metaphor is a good way to think about sparing ourselves the “should”. Thankyou
Others don’t accept when I try to live true to myself. They express blame and jealousy and frustration especially when I ask for help and understanding. Even my kids don’t accept me the way I am and want me in therapy and on medication. I feel very strongly that we need to work through our problems together and not mask them with drugs etc we all make mistakes and learn from them. Now that I’m getting older I am getting more anxious and less confident that I made always the right choices. I pray and take classes to learn from my mistakes and help myself and others to understand this world. This is all just an experience! We are unconditional love ❤️ love yourself and your mistakes. They got me to where I am right now and will serve me in my next life !
Some fluttering in my midgut signaling anxiety followed by the awareness that a key element of my faith is acknowledging a unified reality of the “unworthiness” of humanity in the presence of divinity which is met with pure grace—the ultimate kindness.
today I felt good, then I met a person who made me feel guilty and useless. I have had this “friend” for 35 years. until I saw this video I was as usual in pain after the meeting. I have realised that this person has gradually over 35 years made me not remember who I truly am. now I wish to grey rock and go no contact. thank you for reminding me who I am.
The video invited me to look at a relationship with a close relative who often subtly puts me down, or sometimes not subtly. As I do the U-Turn, I’m in touch with my fear that the only way I can protect myself is to distance myself, which I don’t ultimately want to do. I’m not clear on the path, but it does make me aware that perhaps I have more inner choices than the binary one of either being in relationship or not being in relationship.
Lori Manning, Physical Therapy, Oreana, IL, USAsays
Hello,
While watching the video, I received a text message from my soon to be ex wife. Our son’s hand was scratched by his new kitten and I was being questioned. Initially, my heart began to race and I felt threatened. I then soothed my anxious nervous system by starting to breathe deeply and focus on the present. I just sat and watched the trees sway and the birds fly across the sky all the while saying a few affirmations like, “it’s going to be okay, stay peaceful “ ; it’s unfolding as it’s supposed to “; “peace, I love you “. Then, I felt a calming sensation and continued to breathe until my nervous system was regulated and my heart ready to love.
My mother passed a few months ago and I’ve at times felt like she was now my guardian angel. When I picture her, it’s comforting, like she’ll be with me unconditionally, supporting me through everything. I think that increasing my awareness that the spirit of my mother is always there, is akin to being mindful that I myself can be my own best friend; i just have to practice being aware of this, even (and especially) in difficult moments.
I’m striving to get some sleep at night, and feel frustrated at my inability to do so. What comforts me is the words of St,Paul: “If your heart condemns you, remember God is greater than your heart and knows all.” To really know is to love, and to really love is to know at depth
Thank you for this video. I have been reminded to ask myself to “just stop and ask what is going on” with myself. I can take a look at and change my inner dialogue.
I was to much of a caretaker for others, forgot my self to take good care of and I feel allready release, admitting this.
also there was unprocessed grief and now I know it is completely oké to grief and make time and space for it, with self compassion and respect
It was a wonderful feeling when I was being kind and compassionate to myself. I felt lighter as I thought about my feelings that initially made me feel anxious and uneasy. Thank you !
PBK – Please Be Kind… listening to that inner voice say please be kind gave me a profound feeling of comfort. I wrote it in my daily planner and will think of it each day.
I ws completely surprised with what I found underneath when Tara asked to connect and be present for what was going on in our body. I found that I was bitting myself and criticizing harshly the same way one of my parents was doing long ago. I did lot of work on myself without assessing this level of total lack of self acceptance and self compassion. What a discovery. Thank you Tara!
I heard my own life story….as I tuned in I felt the sadness taking more space instead of being held as a knot in my stomach . The pain at my stomach changed from concrete to mud.
Thank you for showing the way, this will have to become part of my daily workout.
the MSN made pandemic designed to kill people as a biological weapon and redistribute even more money from the poor to the rich epitomises why qw need these practices.
It made me reframe the situation entirely, and to think about the other person and how I could possibly help them, instead of focusing on how I was feeling.
Tara is a beautiful teacher of the heart. Looking at what emerges in the present, naming it while letting go of labels and judgements and releasing the old programming with deeper understanding and compassion, is a grace. Most grateful to you for the gift.
this is just lovely – my mind was full of not being enough for my daughter who brought some troubles to me yesterday – Tara gave me permission to stop the regrets and focus internally – I felt some peace descend upon me. My stomach softened and I felt lighter. I work with clients who feel such shame – its such a lovely exercise
Thank you
Although I listen consistently to Tara’s podcasts and others and meditate. This small course has worked well into making me more aware and to practice more consistently for the past several days.
Thank you that was lovely.
I felt fear when I connected and I started to cough. I guess releasing the sadness and hurt. And when I said I love you repeatedly it began to move.
Thank you. x
What Tara says makes a lot of sense – I felt very sad and found it immensely difficult to shut down the inner critic and sense of failure even for a short period. Her two key questions will be quite useful going forward.
First, I did sense a deep loneliness and then pain and sadness. When Tara encouraged me to ask, “Can I be with this with kindness?”, I could. I felt caring coming from inside (and above and behind) me. I wish I could remember to do this on my own. I seem to need to tune into someone like Tara to see me, my insides, and to understand and care.
I was able to look inwards and see something of what was happening, which was not easy. I saw a little boy wanting his mother’s love and to play. While I was able to bring kindness to this experience, feeling compassion for the little boy, I was unable to identify what happened. Perhaps, I shall identify more after watching the other videos.
I have befriended myself and fired the soldier that was in my head. It has helped me to be kinder to myself. As a result I treat all people with more kindness. Thanks Tara for your pursuit of self compassion and kindness.
I felt a brief calm before the voice came in saying “you’re doing it wrong”, followed soon by the usual “what am I supposed to think/do/feel?”
This has been the pattern of my meditation practice for 25 years and it’s so ingrained that the self-critic feels like it is the true self. Nothing else can get a look in for more than a few seconds.
Hi Tara
I felt tearful. I carry quite a lot of pain in my body and being kind to myself meant I could acknowledge it, rather than wishing it away.
It was a … softening.
Looking forwards to your next vieo,
With meta
Sarah
The awareness that I lived on the surface for many years and what is really the right attitude towards myself. Tara’s messages touch me, they give me hope that I can heal these deep pains. First I felt pain in my chest, now I feel more kindness towards myself. Thank you:)
When I really approach my heart and soul with compassion, I feel like crying. I feel seen, heard, and understood. I feel like a mother, friend, counselor to myself, and no longer feel alone.
My chest feels like an open empty expansive area. I think it a mix of relief, love and potentially joy. As I sit with it and try to map it I notice an impatience, distractions picking away at the edges of my open space, trying to take my attention from it, and the light in my chest dims. It’s a conscious choice to breathe deeply, close my eyes tighter and ignore the what’s happening on the surface and look into the space and soon I feel something good creeping into the space. Happy tingles spread through my body but it’s really hard not to listen to the birds outside and I notice I can hold both for a moment. Even though it feels really good it’s really hard to not be distracted.
Merri, I am glad I stopped to read your comment. You expressed what I have found difficult to put into words, and somehow it is comforting to know what I experience is shared by others and we can overcome the distractions.
I am already familiar with this way of being Tara. I initially learned this 40 years ago through Transpersonal Jungian training and then absolutely through Transactional Analysis. Its the core principle of I’m OK-You’re OK Unfortunately not always understood in this way by TA therapists and trainers. Absolutely correct that its not possible to be authentic as a therapist unless you embrace I AM OK. I really like your way of teaching this. Thank you.
Tara you are a wonderful teacher. Thank you. This teaching reminds me to touch the suffering I experience when I find myself in the trance of unworthiness. As I grieve the loss of my beloved sister I have been relentless in harsh judgements and regrets about thoughts and behaviors as she struggled with the end of her life. I was selfish and unkind; struggling with my own sense of loss. She was my touch stone.
I was surprised with just that small moment I could feel self-compassion and hope. Hope that I could get out of my spiral of loneliness, depression, and fear. With great appreciation. Betsy
Thank you very much for sharing!
Lot of love for you!
An unleashing of emotion that I have been holding in for a long time.
Calm and spaciousness
The two questions, twin wings is already helping me to find out what is going on inside me which I really appreciate as a starting point.
I thought the idea of pausing to imagine the pain each person is feeling (the wounded dog metaphor) is a useful thing to consider and the double arrow metaphor is a good way to think about sparing ourselves the “should”. Thankyou
Others don’t accept when I try to live true to myself. They express blame and jealousy and frustration especially when I ask for help and understanding. Even my kids don’t accept me the way I am and want me in therapy and on medication. I feel very strongly that we need to work through our problems together and not mask them with drugs etc we all make mistakes and learn from them. Now that I’m getting older I am getting more anxious and less confident that I made always the right choices. I pray and take classes to learn from my mistakes and help myself and others to understand this world. This is all just an experience! We are unconditional love ❤️ love yourself and your mistakes. They got me to where I am right now and will serve me in my next life !
Some fluttering in my midgut signaling anxiety followed by the awareness that a key element of my faith is acknowledging a unified reality of the “unworthiness” of humanity in the presence of divinity which is met with pure grace—the ultimate kindness.
I felt numb.
today I felt good, then I met a person who made me feel guilty and useless. I have had this “friend” for 35 years. until I saw this video I was as usual in pain after the meeting. I have realised that this person has gradually over 35 years made me not remember who I truly am. now I wish to grey rock and go no contact. thank you for reminding me who I am.
There is always Hope
The video invited me to look at a relationship with a close relative who often subtly puts me down, or sometimes not subtly. As I do the U-Turn, I’m in touch with my fear that the only way I can protect myself is to distance myself, which I don’t ultimately want to do. I’m not clear on the path, but it does make me aware that perhaps I have more inner choices than the binary one of either being in relationship or not being in relationship.
Hello,
While watching the video, I received a text message from my soon to be ex wife. Our son’s hand was scratched by his new kitten and I was being questioned. Initially, my heart began to race and I felt threatened. I then soothed my anxious nervous system by starting to breathe deeply and focus on the present. I just sat and watched the trees sway and the birds fly across the sky all the while saying a few affirmations like, “it’s going to be okay, stay peaceful “ ; it’s unfolding as it’s supposed to “; “peace, I love you “. Then, I felt a calming sensation and continued to breathe until my nervous system was regulated and my heart ready to love.
Hopeful
I started to cry without understanding completely why, and realised how tired I am of arguing
My mother passed a few months ago and I’ve at times felt like she was now my guardian angel. When I picture her, it’s comforting, like she’ll be with me unconditionally, supporting me through everything. I think that increasing my awareness that the spirit of my mother is always there, is akin to being mindful that I myself can be my own best friend; i just have to practice being aware of this, even (and especially) in difficult moments.
I’m striving to get some sleep at night, and feel frustrated at my inability to do so. What comforts me is the words of St,Paul: “If your heart condemns you, remember God is greater than your heart and knows all.” To really know is to love, and to really love is to know at depth
Thank you for this video. I have been reminded to ask myself to “just stop and ask what is going on” with myself. I can take a look at and change my inner dialogue.
I was to much of a caretaker for others, forgot my self to take good care of and I feel allready release, admitting this.
also there was unprocessed grief and now I know it is completely oké to grief and make time and space for it, with self compassion and respect
Thank you so much Tara for your sharings
It was a wonderful feeling when I was being kind and compassionate to myself. I felt lighter as I thought about my feelings that initially made me feel anxious and uneasy. Thank you !
PBK – Please Be Kind… listening to that inner voice say please be kind gave me a profound feeling of comfort. I wrote it in my daily planner and will think of it each day.
I felt some release of tension, and breathing deeper
I felt a profound release, followed by an acceptance of where I am right now. Thank you.
I ws completely surprised with what I found underneath when Tara asked to connect and be present for what was going on in our body. I found that I was bitting myself and criticizing harshly the same way one of my parents was doing long ago. I did lot of work on myself without assessing this level of total lack of self acceptance and self compassion. What a discovery. Thank you Tara!
I heard my own life story….as I tuned in I felt the sadness taking more space instead of being held as a knot in my stomach . The pain at my stomach changed from concrete to mud.
Thank you for showing the way, this will have to become part of my daily workout.
the MSN made pandemic designed to kill people as a biological weapon and redistribute even more money from the poor to the rich epitomises why qw need these practices.
There IS evil in the world.
It made me reframe the situation entirely, and to think about the other person and how I could possibly help them, instead of focusing on how I was feeling.
It felt as if I don’t deserve it.
Tara is a beautiful teacher of the heart. Looking at what emerges in the present, naming it while letting go of labels and judgements and releasing the old programming with deeper understanding and compassion, is a grace. Most grateful to you for the gift.
Thank you, I will try this to change the mindset.
These ideas, especially the suggested step to be with yourself in kindness was soothing for my grieving heart.
Forgiveness of myself….and some sadness
Thank you!
this is just lovely – my mind was full of not being enough for my daughter who brought some troubles to me yesterday – Tara gave me permission to stop the regrets and focus internally – I felt some peace descend upon me. My stomach softened and I felt lighter. I work with clients who feel such shame – its such a lovely exercise
Thank you
A feeling of gentleness.
Although I listen consistently to Tara’s podcasts and others and meditate. This small course has worked well into making me more aware and to practice more consistently for the past several days.
Thank you that was lovely.
I felt fear when I connected and I started to cough. I guess releasing the sadness and hurt. And when I said I love you repeatedly it began to move.
Thank you. x
What Tara says makes a lot of sense – I felt very sad and found it immensely difficult to shut down the inner critic and sense of failure even for a short period. Her two key questions will be quite useful going forward.
First, I did sense a deep loneliness and then pain and sadness. When Tara encouraged me to ask, “Can I be with this with kindness?”, I could. I felt caring coming from inside (and above and behind) me. I wish I could remember to do this on my own. I seem to need to tune into someone like Tara to see me, my insides, and to understand and care.
I was able to look inwards and see something of what was happening, which was not easy. I saw a little boy wanting his mother’s love and to play. While I was able to bring kindness to this experience, feeling compassion for the little boy, I was unable to identify what happened. Perhaps, I shall identify more after watching the other videos.
I have befriended myself and fired the soldier that was in my head. It has helped me to be kinder to myself. As a result I treat all people with more kindness. Thanks Tara for your pursuit of self compassion and kindness.
A sense of space around my judgemental feelings that made me experience some healing softness
I felt a brief calm before the voice came in saying “you’re doing it wrong”, followed soon by the usual “what am I supposed to think/do/feel?”
This has been the pattern of my meditation practice for 25 years and it’s so ingrained that the self-critic feels like it is the true self. Nothing else can get a look in for more than a few seconds.
Hi Tara
I felt tearful. I carry quite a lot of pain in my body and being kind to myself meant I could acknowledge it, rather than wishing it away.
It was a … softening.
Looking forwards to your next vieo,
With meta
Sarah
The awareness that I lived on the surface for many years and what is really the right attitude towards myself. Tara’s messages touch me, they give me hope that I can heal these deep pains. First I felt pain in my chest, now I feel more kindness towards myself. Thank you:)
When I really approach my heart and soul with compassion, I feel like crying. I feel seen, heard, and understood. I feel like a mother, friend, counselor to myself, and no longer feel alone.
breathing slowed, body relaxed, felt more patient
My chest feels like an open empty expansive area. I think it a mix of relief, love and potentially joy. As I sit with it and try to map it I notice an impatience, distractions picking away at the edges of my open space, trying to take my attention from it, and the light in my chest dims. It’s a conscious choice to breathe deeply, close my eyes tighter and ignore the what’s happening on the surface and look into the space and soon I feel something good creeping into the space. Happy tingles spread through my body but it’s really hard not to listen to the birds outside and I notice I can hold both for a moment. Even though it feels really good it’s really hard to not be distracted.
Merri, I am glad I stopped to read your comment. You expressed what I have found difficult to put into words, and somehow it is comforting to know what I experience is shared by others and we can overcome the distractions.
Left me feeling relaxed