Over the past two years of bringing kindness to my own professional practice, I realize a shift with how I approach others. Prior to that, I will often beat myself for not knowing everything, or at least the very fact of the need to know always exist. I became very tired of myself acting this way. I slowly realize that not full knowing means opportunity to learn. I have to sit with myself with the feeling of being “dumb” as I used to label myself. Everytime it will come up, I have to stay with the shame that comes with it and acknowledge myself for even trying and showing up. I then realize that I have been forgiving with people I encounter at work. Looking at their shortcomings as something unintentional, impersonal and not directed or meant to make our lives worse at work. I was amazed at how before I used to be judgmental, but now, the understanding that everyone is doing the best they can. And if I can help by helping that person learn as well (i.e mistakes related to not knowing) then I can minimize the agony. Just being able to drop the judgment is huge for me.
at first it was hard to even notice what is going on. actually so many things. layers to get to the root of the fear of unworthiness.
then just image after image of the proof of the painful moments of the past…
I was trying to get into touch with the feelings and some coworkers actually stopped to ask me how I was doing. which really felt like a shift from constantly feeling the need to request others respect my boundaries.
I didn’t go into my stuff with the coworkers, but mentioned working on setting positive communication patterns up.
which also was an important boundary.
all because of the shift to ask myself how can I be with these feelings with kindness.
total game changer. feeling torn up and messy but also like there is something greater then my ego driving this willingness to be vulnerable in a way that is positive and safe. thank you for your free course. it is already so helpful.
CanI RemainAnonymous, Another Field, Please, NJ, USAsays
I got completely overwhelmed and felt getting drawn in to the familiar place of darkness, abandonment, being flawed.
Before the exercise, it felt like Tara was reciting my life story. It was tough to come out of my practiced denial and face the demons again. I could not find the compassion within me and felt even more incapable.
I love the idea of bringing kindness and care to myself when I am feeling emotionally wounded … it takes a lot of practice … but when I was listening to the video it reinforced to me how important it is to keep going with the practice. I have learnt that during an emotional experience is the most challenging time to tune into the caring and kindness to myself …
Thank you very much for your talk. I am not a woman who blames others and I take responsibility for the way I show up in the world as a loving person. I could however identify with the deep feeling of not being enough. This belief led me to want to prove that I was enough. I had a vision of creating a beautiful, loving, caring environment and was driven to make it happen. To do this I chose to ignore my feelings and believed other people were more important than myself. These people wanted more and more of me. My biggest regret is giving so much to others at the expense of my well being. I lived my life playing a role of caregiving, believing it was real. I regret judging myself in an unloving way, I regret not being authentic in the past because I was playing a role, and I had to be good at it. I have been on a spiritual journey for 35 years so I have grown into self love. Unfortunately the feeling of not being good enough still shows up. Thank you- Christina
It made me realise how I was holding on to something someone had said in a negative light, rephrasing it with kindness was difficult but enlightening and freeing
Thankyou for your beautiful video,
i think, as ‘evolved’, accomplished as i think i am, i realize i am living in the trance that you talk about.
When i decided to accept myself and brought myself into the field of love and compassion – i was immediately brought to my 4 year old- filled with shame, fear d/t lack of control, and anger when i woke up one morning, my parents were ‘gone’ and when i asked i was told they had left without me! And, with your guidance, i was able to say ‘it’s ok sarah, it was ok to feel this way under that situation. It did not have anything to do with you and that you are totally loved and wanted.’ Some shift definitely happened! thank you
This makes so much sense! I am such a merciless critic of myself (and then others – especially those close to me). I can now see how the possibility of truly seeing this harshness, then moving towards self-compassion (and then towards compassion for others) offers the possibility of huge release/letting go.
At 70 I still live my life in fear of other people’s judgments of me and spend a lot of time adapting my behaviours to meet how I think they think I should be. I need to bring awareness and kindness to that side of myself. To think of just being myself, to meet my own needs seems selfish and self indulgent, but a part of me knows it is only by identifying and living my unique self am I offering what only I can offer to the world. It’s hard to feel exposed. To love oneself also mean forgiving self for all the harm one’s caused, to take responsibility, to be able to let go in a responsible way, not an escapist way. To trust oneself feels expansive.
The goal is to find deep inner peace deeper connections with my loved ones, to find healing while letting go of the blocks holding me back, being kinder to myself, moving from the head into the body by creating space for more love, Joy and connections. That is my hope🙏🏽
To move out of my head and from my heart, I can be kinder to myself. The patterning over decades though is deep and highly familiar…so easy to slip back in to non-compassionate ways unconsciously…quite the see-saw of experiences!!
I felt a familiar feeling. I’ve been practicing self compassion for a while now and it’s finally moving from feeling strange to feeling comfortable. A great way to ground myself.
I love the second part of the second question “can I be with this… WITH KINDNESS?” Bringing kindness offers more of an opening or entryway into the initial desire to flee…
WOW! I didn’t even realize how much I was avoiding people in my personal life, I don’t want the drama. I want peace. When I’m not working, I often choose solitude. Honestly looking at what’s going on with kindness opens options Thank you Tara
WOW! I didn’t even realize how much I was avoiding people in my personal life, I don’t want the drama. I want peace. When I’m not working, I often choose solitude. Thank you Tara
When I listen to the video saying “do you be true to yourself”, I start crying for losing myself and not living in my true value in my daily life. Thank you so much for this precious video to awaken me.
I have always been inclined to be hard on myself, but this video and its message align with my recent decision to stop being so hard on myself and to give myself the grace I would so easily give another person if they were in the same place. For some time, I have been working on being more kind to myself. Changing my mindset to focus on the good things about myself and being grateful for the blessings I already have in my life has made all the difference in getting to a better place in my life. Thank you for sharing this program to help me to stay on this path of self acceptance. 🙏
I noticed nervousness, a collapsing feeling. Typically, my approach would be to berate myself or attempt to motivate change through criticism. This time, through kindness, the result was to embrace the feeling, like two hands scooping up the pain and bringing it towards itself to hug tightly. The same way I would hold onto one of my kids, just breathing them in.
I don’t think that I have ever felt that level of comfort from anyone before, let alone myself.
I always want to do something better of my life, I feel as if I am wasting my time, I always criticise myself because of this. Practicing now I felt that I must be kind with me and so I will find the way to do what I want. Thank for your teachings
Sarsh Edwards, Psychotherapy, Pine Mountain Club, CA, USAsays
You have a lovely voice. The way I felt in the exercise is how I usually am. But if I do something that makes it harder for myself, I am angry and disappointed with myself. Like the mother who had worked so hard to get the dinner on the table and just as the family is seated she takes a breath breath of relief only to have her son spill his milk all over the table. So she gets angry at the hapless little boy.
This is something I’ve been attempting to do for some time. Just before signing up to this video I had intense chocolate craving and didn’t want to succumb as I’ve been working on my emotional eating pattern this year. It was the first time in ages it was unbearably intense. I decided to look at Instagram in the hope I’d see something that would thwart my desire and came across this free video series. As soon as I started to listen to Tara I felt relief as I resonated strongly with the negative emotion, “the personal deficiency” she described. This brought huge relief so when she invited us to become aware of how we were feeling and bring compassion I was already there:)
From my personal experience, experiencing and facing my personal pain after which it has released itself, has made me realise I am not an “I”, I am just part of life. This has opened me up to receiving the loving spirit of life, I think because I no longer strive to be, I feel more natural. I think I am less egoism, and much more content. Still. aspirational
It has been front of mind recently that I am judging myself for being “less than” and comparing myself to others, particularly around planning and organising. The second question “can I be with this with kindness?” really helped me shift from self judgement into acceptance. I recognised the same ability Tara talked about, to treat myself harshly in ways I would never consider treating a friend or client. It’s good to remember that and keep noticing if it creeps back in, working the muscle of moving back into self acceptance and self love. Thank you for offering these teachings.
Well first I was distracted by worrying about losing my job because of my sore knee. Then I thought how I try to be my best friend but probably forget to do that and then started to say “I love you, Bubby” because I’m often wracked or beset by doubts about being able to be creative and write and paint and at bottom, able to look after myself. Which each practice I have grown so much stronger. Bubby is a nickname for myself and my partner who died so sometimes I’m not sure who I’m saying I love you to and worry I might be making a mistake but have come to think us both which is healing and a celebration. Or sometimes I specify which one of us if I feel my heart suggests this to me. I then thought, a bit querulously, how brave I need to be to live a true life which is a lot of bravery and had a moments acceptance yes I need to be very brave and that’s that and felt much better about life. Greatest gratitude for these teachings xxx
It’s very difficult for anyone not to be reactive when they feel attacked when being adult-bullied so it’s good to have these methods for stepping back to ensure it isn’t proactive self defense without cause. It is far more possible to be kind than, either way.
The two questions: ‘What’s going on now’ and ‘Can I be with this’ are great. I will ask myself these – at different times – especially if I am not feeling good. The second question is somewhat ambiguous and no doubt intentionally so! Thank you
Razia Kosi, Social Work, Ellicott City, MD, USAsays
Simple and powerful two questions. In this moment it is easy for me to be in kindness, I know the work for me is when I am feeling devalued, harmed, or angry. I will keep those questions in mind.
Having compassion n acceptance for myself allows me to be compassionate
n accepting for those I have been blaming for hurting me. Holding on to all that pain is prolonging my suffering. My goal is to be able to let it go n let it stay gone. Thank you.
Jennifer Morin, Exercise Physiology, Shrewsbury, MA, USAsays
When I offered kindness there was a ‘lightening’. The thoughts of fear and self doubt feel heavy, dense, but when compassion is present it lightens up; spreads out, thins.
I felt a sense of relief and gratefulness to my heart and my feet so that I can walk even though my feet hurt.
I felt a fondness for the “other”.
I felt softness and relaxation in my heart and my back.
Over the past two years of bringing kindness to my own professional practice, I realize a shift with how I approach others. Prior to that, I will often beat myself for not knowing everything, or at least the very fact of the need to know always exist. I became very tired of myself acting this way. I slowly realize that not full knowing means opportunity to learn. I have to sit with myself with the feeling of being “dumb” as I used to label myself. Everytime it will come up, I have to stay with the shame that comes with it and acknowledge myself for even trying and showing up. I then realize that I have been forgiving with people I encounter at work. Looking at their shortcomings as something unintentional, impersonal and not directed or meant to make our lives worse at work. I was amazed at how before I used to be judgmental, but now, the understanding that everyone is doing the best they can. And if I can help by helping that person learn as well (i.e mistakes related to not knowing) then I can minimize the agony. Just being able to drop the judgment is huge for me.
at first it was hard to even notice what is going on. actually so many things. layers to get to the root of the fear of unworthiness.
then just image after image of the proof of the painful moments of the past…
I was trying to get into touch with the feelings and some coworkers actually stopped to ask me how I was doing. which really felt like a shift from constantly feeling the need to request others respect my boundaries.
I didn’t go into my stuff with the coworkers, but mentioned working on setting positive communication patterns up.
which also was an important boundary.
all because of the shift to ask myself how can I be with these feelings with kindness.
total game changer. feeling torn up and messy but also like there is something greater then my ego driving this willingness to be vulnerable in a way that is positive and safe. thank you for your free course. it is already so helpful.
I got completely overwhelmed and felt getting drawn in to the familiar place of darkness, abandonment, being flawed.
Before the exercise, it felt like Tara was reciting my life story. It was tough to come out of my practiced denial and face the demons again. I could not find the compassion within me and felt even more incapable.
I love the idea of bringing kindness and care to myself when I am feeling emotionally wounded … it takes a lot of practice … but when I was listening to the video it reinforced to me how important it is to keep going with the practice. I have learnt that during an emotional experience is the most challenging time to tune into the caring and kindness to myself …
I can see how the U turn could work. I’d need a lot of practice .
it’s a sound idea & I’ll give it a try.
Many thanks
Rita
I felt a warm expansive sensation in my chest.
Thank you 😊
Thank you very much for your talk. I am not a woman who blames others and I take responsibility for the way I show up in the world as a loving person. I could however identify with the deep feeling of not being enough. This belief led me to want to prove that I was enough. I had a vision of creating a beautiful, loving, caring environment and was driven to make it happen. To do this I chose to ignore my feelings and believed other people were more important than myself. These people wanted more and more of me. My biggest regret is giving so much to others at the expense of my well being. I lived my life playing a role of caregiving, believing it was real. I regret judging myself in an unloving way, I regret not being authentic in the past because I was playing a role, and I had to be good at it. I have been on a spiritual journey for 35 years so I have grown into self love. Unfortunately the feeling of not being good enough still shows up. Thank you- Christina
I felt like a second self came under my aching heart to comfort that part of me.
It made me realise how I was holding on to something someone had said in a negative light, rephrasing it with kindness was difficult but enlightening and freeing
Thankyou for your beautiful video,
i think, as ‘evolved’, accomplished as i think i am, i realize i am living in the trance that you talk about.
When i decided to accept myself and brought myself into the field of love and compassion – i was immediately brought to my 4 year old- filled with shame, fear d/t lack of control, and anger when i woke up one morning, my parents were ‘gone’ and when i asked i was told they had left without me! And, with your guidance, i was able to say ‘it’s ok sarah, it was ok to feel this way under that situation. It did not have anything to do with you and that you are totally loved and wanted.’ Some shift definitely happened! thank you
Are there typed transcripts for these videos? Thank you
This makes so much sense! I am such a merciless critic of myself (and then others – especially those close to me). I can now see how the possibility of truly seeing this harshness, then moving towards self-compassion (and then towards compassion for others) offers the possibility of huge release/letting go.
At 70 I still live my life in fear of other people’s judgments of me and spend a lot of time adapting my behaviours to meet how I think they think I should be. I need to bring awareness and kindness to that side of myself. To think of just being myself, to meet my own needs seems selfish and self indulgent, but a part of me knows it is only by identifying and living my unique self am I offering what only I can offer to the world. It’s hard to feel exposed. To love oneself also mean forgiving self for all the harm one’s caused, to take responsibility, to be able to let go in a responsible way, not an escapist way. To trust oneself feels expansive.
The goal is to find deep inner peace deeper connections with my loved ones, to find healing while letting go of the blocks holding me back, being kinder to myself, moving from the head into the body by creating space for more love, Joy and connections. That is my hope🙏🏽
To move out of my head and from my heart, I can be kinder to myself. The patterning over decades though is deep and highly familiar…so easy to slip back in to non-compassionate ways unconsciously…quite the see-saw of experiences!!
Carima from South Africa-clinical social worker
I felt a familiar feeling. I’ve been practicing self compassion for a while now and it’s finally moving from feeling strange to feeling comfortable. A great way to ground myself.
I love the second part of the second question “can I be with this… WITH KINDNESS?” Bringing kindness offers more of an opening or entryway into the initial desire to flee…
WOW! I didn’t even realize how much I was avoiding people in my personal life, I don’t want the drama. I want peace. When I’m not working, I often choose solitude. Honestly looking at what’s going on with kindness opens options Thank you Tara
WOW! I didn’t even realize how much I was avoiding people in my personal life, I don’t want the drama. I want peace. When I’m not working, I often choose solitude. Thank you Tara
When I listen to the video saying “do you be true to yourself”, I start crying for losing myself and not living in my true value in my daily life. Thank you so much for this precious video to awaken me.
Love this so much, thank you for sharing!
I have always been inclined to be hard on myself, but this video and its message align with my recent decision to stop being so hard on myself and to give myself the grace I would so easily give another person if they were in the same place. For some time, I have been working on being more kind to myself. Changing my mindset to focus on the good things about myself and being grateful for the blessings I already have in my life has made all the difference in getting to a better place in my life. Thank you for sharing this program to help me to stay on this path of self acceptance. 🙏
Divine timing 💖
My smaller inner space …widened. I wasn’t so cramped any more
This video was very informative and helpful!!
Very inspiring. Thank you so much.
I noticed nervousness, a collapsing feeling. Typically, my approach would be to berate myself or attempt to motivate change through criticism. This time, through kindness, the result was to embrace the feeling, like two hands scooping up the pain and bringing it towards itself to hug tightly. The same way I would hold onto one of my kids, just breathing them in.
I don’t think that I have ever felt that level of comfort from anyone before, let alone myself.
There’s a distinct softening and soothing sensation. Almost instantly peaceful and content. Thank you 🙏
The feeling of anxiety mixed with a kind of sorrow dissolved…
Applying kindness will help with feeling unworthy and not safe , feelings of not being good enough !
I always want to do something better of my life, I feel as if I am wasting my time, I always criticise myself because of this. Practicing now I felt that I must be kind with me and so I will find the way to do what I want. Thank for your teachings
I felt some loosening up of what was tight.
You have a lovely voice. The way I felt in the exercise is how I usually am. But if I do something that makes it harder for myself, I am angry and disappointed with myself. Like the mother who had worked so hard to get the dinner on the table and just as the family is seated she takes a breath breath of relief only to have her son spill his milk all over the table. So she gets angry at the hapless little boy.
This is something I’ve been attempting to do for some time. Just before signing up to this video I had intense chocolate craving and didn’t want to succumb as I’ve been working on my emotional eating pattern this year. It was the first time in ages it was unbearably intense. I decided to look at Instagram in the hope I’d see something that would thwart my desire and came across this free video series. As soon as I started to listen to Tara I felt relief as I resonated strongly with the negative emotion, “the personal deficiency” she described. This brought huge relief so when she invited us to become aware of how we were feeling and bring compassion I was already there:)
From my personal experience, experiencing and facing my personal pain after which it has released itself, has made me realise I am not an “I”, I am just part of life. This has opened me up to receiving the loving spirit of life, I think because I no longer strive to be, I feel more natural. I think I am less egoism, and much more content. Still. aspirational
It has been front of mind recently that I am judging myself for being “less than” and comparing myself to others, particularly around planning and organising. The second question “can I be with this with kindness?” really helped me shift from self judgement into acceptance. I recognised the same ability Tara talked about, to treat myself harshly in ways I would never consider treating a friend or client. It’s good to remember that and keep noticing if it creeps back in, working the muscle of moving back into self acceptance and self love. Thank you for offering these teachings.
Well first I was distracted by worrying about losing my job because of my sore knee. Then I thought how I try to be my best friend but probably forget to do that and then started to say “I love you, Bubby” because I’m often wracked or beset by doubts about being able to be creative and write and paint and at bottom, able to look after myself. Which each practice I have grown so much stronger. Bubby is a nickname for myself and my partner who died so sometimes I’m not sure who I’m saying I love you to and worry I might be making a mistake but have come to think us both which is healing and a celebration. Or sometimes I specify which one of us if I feel my heart suggests this to me. I then thought, a bit querulously, how brave I need to be to live a true life which is a lot of bravery and had a moments acceptance yes I need to be very brave and that’s that and felt much better about life. Greatest gratitude for these teachings xxx
It’s very difficult for anyone not to be reactive when they feel attacked when being adult-bullied so it’s good to have these methods for stepping back to ensure it isn’t proactive self defense without cause. It is far more possible to be kind than, either way.
When I follow Tara it keeps me on track of self compassion.
When I approached my feelings from a place of compassion rather than judgement, I felt a sense of peace.
THis is the really key point tp gain power to live with joy and overcome unhealthy stress
the feeling of hurry of stress of not being able to survive reduced and I felt calmer
The two questions: ‘What’s going on now’ and ‘Can I be with this’ are great. I will ask myself these – at different times – especially if I am not feeling good. The second question is somewhat ambiguous and no doubt intentionally so! Thank you
Simple and powerful two questions. In this moment it is easy for me to be in kindness, I know the work for me is when I am feeling devalued, harmed, or angry. I will keep those questions in mind.
Having compassion n acceptance for myself allows me to be compassionate
n accepting for those I have been blaming for hurting me. Holding on to all that pain is prolonging my suffering. My goal is to be able to let it go n let it stay gone. Thank you.
Lovely, clear, uncomplicated, useful, specific, sweet, engaging. Thanks
When I offered kindness there was a ‘lightening’. The thoughts of fear and self doubt feel heavy, dense, but when compassion is present it lightens up; spreads out, thins.