We unconsciously build walls around ourselves for our perceived needs for protection. However, it’s difficult from inside the walls to safely know whether these boundaries are no longer necessary and restrict our growth. Sometimes we carry our umbrella “just in case” it is needed regardless of the weather.
I’m only just realising at the age of forty nine just how strong my inner critic is and how I’ve felt that I need it and somehow it would all fall apart if the critic was silenced. Trying this practice for a short time and listening to the videos is helping me to shift perspective.
This sounds a lot like therapeutic touch. I just completed my fundamental level 1 this past weekend! I could sense the tightness around my heart…like heavy mercury. With intention of healing kindness, I could sense the mercury lighten, spread, and gently smooth out to an even balance. A wave of general relaxation washed over. It’s peaceful…??
Didn’t expect to turn it this way… but the moment i closed my eyes and move to step 2, i felt choke and tightness in my throat, difficult to breathe and tears ran down my cheeck, had to tap to regulate and talk kindness to me. Definitely something came up.
Creating room and the pause to practice, is much needed. Remembering that it can only take a few minutes to feel the shift helps me yearn for the shift, instead of shutting down.
I shot myself in the foot-each foot. One arrow said ” I’m anxious.” Ouch. But it was the second arrow in the other foot that really penetrated. “You shouldn’t feel that way.” After that, I was off and running around in circles hopping from one painful foot to the other trying to get rid of the pain and the second arrow. That only made it worse. So I said, “What the heck? How do I get out of this?” My eyes started to feel something, I wanted to cry. So I placed my hand on my cheek, where I used to get slapped, and just sighed a sigh of relief. In that short time, something shifted. I felt the beginning of tenderness from my hand to my cheek and my heart to my heart space. A beginning was nice. I want to some more. And I don’t mean s’mores.
I found this to be very helpful and make me more aware of the connection between my mind and body. I also felt like I better understand why I judge myself harshly – because it’s a way of controlling emotions I don’t want to have and that are painful. Thank you for this great video!!
My 2nd arrow is harsh self judgment of my perfectionist expectations.
I’d never considered perfectionism an emotion before , but if it is In this scenario, I feel it… then I beat myself for it.
Not sure how I will respond to this new insight.
I felt discomfort in my left side again for a short time and I gently held my hand on the area until the discomfort settled and is now gone.
Then, I enjoyed your analogy to my heartsease as my ocean and my thoughts as waves passing through or around my body and soul.
Thanks you for sharing the two arrow story again during Covid/
Yes, blaming keeps the battle going. And when we understand that “hatred is never ceased by hatred, but by Love alone is healed”, we are reminded.
AND what i also know to be so very important ~ is that the hard-wired, repressed and ignored anger “rage” blame, hurts….you name it) that have been frozen for decades …must be attended to in our nervous systems. Some stuck trauma effects do not disappear with this practice of mindfullness. Not for many, who wonder “Why am i still suffering with this, so stuck, even still!). So important, “essential” to address the nervous system. I “Know” the straight path right into Freedom and the Divine (mmmm)…yet, without including somatic work with whatever is frozen (fight/flight/freeze) it will keep on rearing it’s head and move us off track, again and again. AND, “thank you ” for your beautiful teachings xoxo
My reaction was of a strong awareness relating to ‘ready-ness’; so many of my adolescent clients can only imagine the sense of ‘feeling’ and how difficult this is when the WORLD and their heads are full of chaos, fear and panic. So now… I am even more in touch with the preparation to secure a state of safety, containment and perhaps even a kind of loving in order to pave the way towards ‘feeling’ the head heart and space. This is no criticism of this work… I loved the sense of throwing stuff out of my pram! and, then, loving this child/woman so called Therapist that I am… thank you! Maggie South UK
As I told myself ‘it’s ok, you are enough’ I saw myself as (I presume!) others do, rather than how I view myself and it was far more generous and compassionate. I felt like grabbing onto that perspective and holding tight!
Pausing, staying with whatever emerges from my “crazy monkey mind” with kindness, humor and acceptance is useful in turning down the volume of that judgy, self- critical (parental, societal voice). Remembering and reminding myself that is the human condition supports my efforts. Thank you Tara for articulating this reality so clearly and gently.?
It was very helpful to remember to “ practice what I preach”” and to reflect on the unhelpful
Impatience that can flare up with myself and others and be struck with the second arrow.
I did find that the judgement of myself eased a little as I went to heart space, when I said kind things to myself. I agree it is so important particularly at this time to not judge ourselves or others as it is so divisive and destructive. Thank you Rose Coleman Wales UK
An old memory emerged when I blamed myself for getting into a bad relationship long ago…. the felt sense of comfort comes when I remember to put my hand on my heart to offer kindness to myself in this moment.
to offer kindness
I became aware of how I was silencing myself-blocked throat energy and swirling stomach-creating confusion.I said this is all okay-I am connected to the complex flows of life
I felt deep love for the lost me, then deep sadness for for the part of me that has been so disassociated from herself for most of her life. The container created in this process allowed all of it to exist in a deep caring space.
A lot of tears ran down…
I identified the judgment, for not knowing what to do, for not being confident enough, for doubting, and looking for someone to make my decisions.
Then I found the little person in my heart, the one that has felt that way, and has felt rejected for a long time by my grown up self.
And when I reached for her, and hugged her, we cried. Then the “pain” was gone.
It’s a good day today and I sat with the awareness I don’t blame me.
I blame others, I see something that happened or didn’t happen and see that often while I’m kind to myself I blame exterior circumstances and other people.
Grief for the fact that I have clung so tightly to all those things that are hurting.
That I have dug myself a well of sadness and I choose to sit in its depths alone in the dark when I could have opened myself out to the world.
Fear when I see clearly the legions of shame, disgust and self loathing that I have populated thw internal realm with and horror at the cost to myself and those I claim to hold dear that immersing myself within those ranks has caused.
I have cast myself in a mould of selfishness and anger for so long that I have tricked myself into thinking I cannot be any other way.
I don’t know how I can be with that in a space of compassion and acceptance.
The tension between my heart knowing that I have to be with this and forgive and my ego desperately trying to hold onto the only sense of self its ever known is unbearable.
Loathing what is there but fearing what would be left if those things were gone.
Then hating myself for being such a coward.
I felt shame and fear. I have been thinking about it a lot but haven’t really been compassionate to myself. Couldn’t fully detect where I felt the emotion.
When going from Head to Heart I felt a burning ache radiating from my chest. A burning feeling of undeserving, deeper than blame. I kept telling myself “you deserve a good relationship”. Little by little the burning feeling faded away. I felt unconstricted, wider, relieved.
It is challenging for me to allow myself to feel difficult emotions, in meditation and in real life: this exercise has helped a lot.
Thank you Tara!!
A tightness in throat and stomach was eased slightly by saying words of kindness to myself. Reading the comments from others was helpful to know I am not alone in finding it difficult to connect with my emotions. Thank you.
I felt a pain in my throat, fear that if I didn’t accept blame for myself, I’d never be free of it. Saying kindly, I’m here helped me feel the pain but not fear it so much. It will take repetition, attention and kind action to resolve.
My self criticism is about doing too much. Always striving & pushing myself no matter how tired I felt. For a long time I saw this a a badge of honour, a mark of my power however lately I see it as a flaw something I would like to change but seem powerless to stop. My second arrow is the blame & dissapointment I feel when I see that I haven’t been able to be kinder to myself, something I desperately want to do !
I could feel a healing space inside my throut, my chest, my belly. Thank you for helping us to create that space and soften and release difficult emotions
Feeling afraid I am not going to be able to do this. then letting go and just wanting to be
It made a lot of sense, I think., though I doubt my ability to accomplish it.
We unconsciously build walls around ourselves for our perceived needs for protection. However, it’s difficult from inside the walls to safely know whether these boundaries are no longer necessary and restrict our growth. Sometimes we carry our umbrella “just in case” it is needed regardless of the weather.
I’m only just realising at the age of forty nine just how strong my inner critic is and how I’ve felt that I need it and somehow it would all fall apart if the critic was silenced. Trying this practice for a short time and listening to the videos is helping me to shift perspective.
The comment about the arrows is brilliant. I will use that forever. Thank you
This sounds a lot like therapeutic touch. I just completed my fundamental level 1 this past weekend! I could sense the tightness around my heart…like heavy mercury. With intention of healing kindness, I could sense the mercury lighten, spread, and gently smooth out to an even balance. A wave of general relaxation washed over. It’s peaceful…??
Looking forward to trying this practice. Thank you.
I loved it and this just came at the right moment. Self-judgement is a way of trying to improve ouselves, but it does just the opposite.
Andrea
Didn’t expect to turn it this way… but the moment i closed my eyes and move to step 2, i felt choke and tightness in my throat, difficult to breathe and tears ran down my cheeck, had to tap to regulate and talk kindness to me. Definitely something came up.
Creating room and the pause to practice, is much needed. Remembering that it can only take a few minutes to feel the shift helps me yearn for the shift, instead of shutting down.
I shot myself in the foot-each foot. One arrow said ” I’m anxious.” Ouch. But it was the second arrow in the other foot that really penetrated. “You shouldn’t feel that way.” After that, I was off and running around in circles hopping from one painful foot to the other trying to get rid of the pain and the second arrow. That only made it worse. So I said, “What the heck? How do I get out of this?” My eyes started to feel something, I wanted to cry. So I placed my hand on my cheek, where I used to get slapped, and just sighed a sigh of relief. In that short time, something shifted. I felt the beginning of tenderness from my hand to my cheek and my heart to my heart space. A beginning was nice. I want to some more. And I don’t mean s’mores.
i dont feel anything just emptiness and deep fatigue i don’t even feel connected what is being said im bareely human being
I found this to be very helpful and make me more aware of the connection between my mind and body. I also felt like I better understand why I judge myself harshly – because it’s a way of controlling emotions I don’t want to have and that are painful. Thank you for this great video!!
My 2nd arrow is harsh self judgment of my perfectionist expectations.
I’d never considered perfectionism an emotion before , but if it is In this scenario, I feel it… then I beat myself for it.
Not sure how I will respond to this new insight.
I felt discomfort in my left side again for a short time and I gently held my hand on the area until the discomfort settled and is now gone.
Then, I enjoyed your analogy to my heartsease as my ocean and my thoughts as waves passing through or around my body and soul.
Thanks you for sharing the two arrow story again during Covid/
Thanks Tara, I felt constriction in my throat and let it go.
Yes, blaming keeps the battle going. And when we understand that “hatred is never ceased by hatred, but by Love alone is healed”, we are reminded.
AND what i also know to be so very important ~ is that the hard-wired, repressed and ignored anger “rage” blame, hurts….you name it) that have been frozen for decades …must be attended to in our nervous systems. Some stuck trauma effects do not disappear with this practice of mindfullness. Not for many, who wonder “Why am i still suffering with this, so stuck, even still!). So important, “essential” to address the nervous system. I “Know” the straight path right into Freedom and the Divine (mmmm)…yet, without including somatic work with whatever is frozen (fight/flight/freeze) it will keep on rearing it’s head and move us off track, again and again. AND, “thank you ” for your beautiful teachings xoxo
The shift from brain to heart lessened the physical/emotional pain I feel.
Like the two arrows idea. And what am I unwilling to feel?.
My reaction was of a strong awareness relating to ‘ready-ness’; so many of my adolescent clients can only imagine the sense of ‘feeling’ and how difficult this is when the WORLD and their heads are full of chaos, fear and panic. So now… I am even more in touch with the preparation to secure a state of safety, containment and perhaps even a kind of loving in order to pave the way towards ‘feeling’ the head heart and space. This is no criticism of this work… I loved the sense of throwing stuff out of my pram! and, then, loving this child/woman so called Therapist that I am… thank you! Maggie South UK
As I told myself ‘it’s ok, you are enough’ I saw myself as (I presume!) others do, rather than how I view myself and it was far more generous and compassionate. I felt like grabbing onto that perspective and holding tight!
Pausing, staying with whatever emerges from my “crazy monkey mind” with kindness, humor and acceptance is useful in turning down the volume of that judgy, self- critical (parental, societal voice). Remembering and reminding myself that is the human condition supports my efforts. Thank you Tara for articulating this reality so clearly and gently.?
Thank you for wanting to heal others and doing a great job .
I feel more content with myself, I feel understanding and more acceptance with the sorrow in my chest.
I embraced my body, which I have been critical of and has been a focus of self judgement for me lately.
It was very helpful to remember to “ practice what I preach”” and to reflect on the unhelpful
Impatience that can flare up with myself and others and be struck with the second arrow.
I did find that the judgement of myself eased a little as I went to heart space, when I said kind things to myself. I agree it is so important particularly at this time to not judge ourselves or others as it is so divisive and destructive. Thank you Rose Coleman Wales UK
When I said to myself, that these are just thoughts, that they don’t have any evidence I felt space opening up in myself and I felt lighter
An old memory emerged when I blamed myself for getting into a bad relationship long ago…. the felt sense of comfort comes when I remember to put my hand on my heart to offer kindness to myself in this moment.
to offer kindness
feel tightness in tongue and throat.
With the practice felt a flow, a release.
The clarity provided was soothing and approachable. Thank you!
The tears began to flow and the tightness began to release. So grateful……
I became aware of how I was silencing myself-blocked throat energy and swirling stomach-creating confusion.I said this is all okay-I am connected to the complex flows of life
I felt deep love for the lost me, then deep sadness for for the part of me that has been so disassociated from herself for most of her life. The container created in this process allowed all of it to exist in a deep caring space.
A lot of tears ran down…
I identified the judgment, for not knowing what to do, for not being confident enough, for doubting, and looking for someone to make my decisions.
Then I found the little person in my heart, the one that has felt that way, and has felt rejected for a long time by my grown up self.
And when I reached for her, and hugged her, we cried. Then the “pain” was gone.
It’s a good day today and I sat with the awareness I don’t blame me.
I blame others, I see something that happened or didn’t happen and see that often while I’m kind to myself I blame exterior circumstances and other people.
Grief for the fact that I have clung so tightly to all those things that are hurting.
That I have dug myself a well of sadness and I choose to sit in its depths alone in the dark when I could have opened myself out to the world.
Fear when I see clearly the legions of shame, disgust and self loathing that I have populated thw internal realm with and horror at the cost to myself and those I claim to hold dear that immersing myself within those ranks has caused.
I have cast myself in a mould of selfishness and anger for so long that I have tricked myself into thinking I cannot be any other way.
I don’t know how I can be with that in a space of compassion and acceptance.
The tension between my heart knowing that I have to be with this and forgive and my ego desperately trying to hold onto the only sense of self its ever known is unbearable.
Loathing what is there but fearing what would be left if those things were gone.
Then hating myself for being such a coward.
I felt shame and fear. I have been thinking about it a lot but haven’t really been compassionate to myself. Couldn’t fully detect where I felt the emotion.
Brilliant❤️ thank you
When going from Head to Heart I felt a burning ache radiating from my chest. A burning feeling of undeserving, deeper than blame. I kept telling myself “you deserve a good relationship”. Little by little the burning feeling faded away. I felt unconstricted, wider, relieved.
It is challenging for me to allow myself to feel difficult emotions, in meditation and in real life: this exercise has helped a lot.
Thank you Tara!!
The sea analogy is very helpful,particularly for visual learners
A surprising amount of resistance to feeling what is behind shame of anxiety but a revealing insight into what the root cause probably is thanks.
It was cathartic!!
I feel like it’s really not easy to practice self-compassion when I am triggered… that feeling is just so true 🙁
A tightness in throat and stomach was eased slightly by saying words of kindness to myself. Reading the comments from others was helpful to know I am not alone in finding it difficult to connect with my emotions. Thank you.
A sense of warmth and space as I placed my hands over my belly and throat areas. A release of tension in my shoulders. Compassion for myself.
A kind, wide, loving space opens up in me.
I felt a pain in my throat, fear that if I didn’t accept blame for myself, I’d never be free of it. Saying kindly, I’m here helped me feel the pain but not fear it so much. It will take repetition, attention and kind action to resolve.
My self criticism is about doing too much. Always striving & pushing myself no matter how tired I felt. For a long time I saw this a a badge of honour, a mark of my power however lately I see it as a flaw something I would like to change but seem powerless to stop. My second arrow is the blame & dissapointment I feel when I see that I haven’t been able to be kinder to myself, something I desperately want to do !
I could feel a healing space inside my throut, my chest, my belly. Thank you for helping us to create that space and soften and release difficult emotions