Sherry Johnson Sandlin, Nursing, Cullman, AL, USAsays
My awareness of my pain was in my heart
I loved this very informative and interactive yet simple and easy to remember we are the ocean and the waves are a natural part of us thanks
Head- 1st arrow-You are no good, what was good with all that education if you are doing nothing with it? you are wasting your life….
2nd arrow- i am useless, no good, wasting my life
Heart- feelings of unworthiness, just not being good enough- tightness in chest,throat
Heart Space- its ok beloved- you are amazing, i love you so much.
i was able to get yo the depth of the ocean- thank you Tara
I immediately connected to feelings of my childhood when I sensed into that feeling of shooting the blame arrow. I could envelop and nurture my self with compassion, and that gave me a very warm and inclusive and joyous sensationof being connected to the world.
I felt my throat becoming heavy and my heart as if a burden was on me.Then having experienced these feelings and having named them some kind of peace came. Thank you for the practice.
Practising even so briefly with the process of Head-Heart-Heartspace during the video gave me a taste of the possibilities that working more deeply with the practice over time would offer. It is so simple and yet so deep.
The double arrow really explained the mental torture that one feels. I find using the words self compassion to my pain eases the intensity of the emotion . Thank you Tara for your clarity
Thank you for this opportunity to practice pausing and engage in this process so that you can redirect your anxiety or sadness to a better place. To begin, I felt a tightness in my chest, but then when I stopped to realize that my waves of anxiety are just a symptom of the uncertainty that I’ve been experiencing in my life recently and that these waves are necessary to carry me to a better place in this ocean of life, I began to feel more optimistic and open to whatever might come next for me. It truly helps to visualize the ocean and realize waves will come and go and that I can use them to carry myself to a better place eventually.
I love the imagery of the heart space as the ocean, and our emotions are a natural part of us as the waves that crash over or overwhelm us but they go away when we accept and stay with it.
Felt I’m not good enough
Opening by thinking about how curious and playful I was as a child. I thought of the photo of me as a 6 year old which captured that kid
I felt all of it in my chest, and it felt like I was trying to contain something or not allow it to take up any more space. I know that I am not at the point of feeling safe enough in its release because my breath becomes restricted, and I can feel it in my throat.
When offering kindness, tears were present under the surface but I could feel myself suppressing them.
started crying. I kept breathing deeply and kept crying.
this happens to me at church too. very uncomfortable and painful.
when i keep breathing deeply it does help me release the discomfort
and helps me expand that heart space.
thank you
underlying feelings of anxiety and even fear. also realisation that this was normal and needed to trust and have faith in the process of having knee replacement op.
Left with a feeling of relief and that it is ok to be apprehensive.
Thank you very much, Tara. I tried the three-step exercise. When I opened up to my vulnerability, I felt warmth around my heart. I plan to practice this exercise with my clients and might combine it with the focusing exercise.
First step i felt hardness. 2 nd step. Vulnerability combined with a soft sensation.
3 step i felt some widening, as you said, Tara, it was just like opening myself
For the world, for other people and sharing these emotions with all human beeings , because we all together live sometimes strong suffering.
That gave me back strength and confidence, to be a part and not to be alone.
anthony deloach, Another Field, denver, CO, USAsays
This is very wonderful. I much like the idea of our heart space being the ocean and that we know waves will come. I am so glad I found this space and this teacher Drl Buczynski.
Razia Kosi, Social Work, Ellicott City, MD, USAsays
The ocean and wave metaphor is very helpful. I’m learning to unlock years of messages to he perfect, which was transmitted by my mother, as a form of protection with being immigrants in this country.
Susan Ulbright, Social Work, Hiilsboro, OR, USAsays
I carried the responsibility for my parents feeling their childhood pain of being victimized by their parents. Staying alive was a moment to moment struggle. The video of ocean waves reminded me of drowning while my father watched when I was 4 yrs old. A stranger rescued me. When I was 7 my father told me he was not ready to be a parent. If only my mother waited. He was 31 when I was born. This past February I was in my 2nd month experiencing chronic bronchitis, ear and eye infection, and vertigo. I saw a flash of my father as a young child experiencing similar sexual trauma he experienced from his mother as I experienced from him. First time I realized his younger self is connected to me. I forgave him. By the end of the day all of my chronic infections, cough, and vertigo disappeared.
I will need to practice this technique over and over – i felt such a softening with the moving into heartSPACE. The visual of the ocean and waves will be very effective – to remember that the waves are meant to be there and are part of the ocean – the waves of emotion are part of me.
First, I fixed my mind on the imagery of “if you remember you’re the ocean, you won’t be afraid of the waves.” That’s meaningful to me as one who heals at the beach. I also continued considering grace and recognized that from my perspective “receive grace” comes before “offer kindness.”
I’ve recently come to realize that I have CPTSD, and though I’ve done a lot of radical self compassion work, the critic and judge, and the arrogant and prideful parts spewed so much shame in my system for being so broken. It was a godsend to hear Tara speak of this practice in this way and at this time in my life. Thank you so much to everyone who took part in making this happen.
I see again how much fear of failure was in me and what the consequencies were for taking good care of myself……………
now tears came up and were welcome……… with compassion and new tenderness…hmm…
In contacting the judge in my body (throat and belly) I felt the fear to be harshly scolded and punished by my mother when I was a child. The same fear which is more or less present in my life.
The next thought I had when I felt my heart as the ocean was : but now I am not alone and helpless as in the past! And I felt space and softness in my heart and belly.
Linda Romano, Another Field, Sunnyvale , CA, USAsays
Thank you. As a three year old, I witnessed my mother dead on the floor (my father killed her). Using ideas in the video brought me to the pain of that time which I also experience w/ my husband when he accuses and blames. I discovered it hurt too much while doing the exercise.
It was hard to verbalise my self-blame, but eventually I came up with “You could do better”, the idea being that whatever I did was not good enough. I could not identify how this self-blame felt – not good enough again! – beyond a vague sadness. I did manage a kind message “You are loved for yourself”, but it will take a lot more for that message to resonate.
Cycles of critical rumination can be overcome… Understanding that everything is relational… The burdening weight our perspective can place on matters… This can be reversed by choosing constructive thought processes… Setting things free… Allowing… Embracing… Accepting… The continued theme of self-compassion opens the way to connect with ourselves and others in ways that are much more substantial and healing
I love Tara’s ocean metaphor – as the ocean has always been my favorite place to be and gives me a sense of calm, this was a serious eye-opener for me. I have a long way to go, but this gave me a sense of hope and even joy, despite the sadness and difficulty shutting down my thoughts. The path from head to heart to heartspace makes a lot of sense, and I have the feeling that I can get back to where I was a long time ago and where I want to be again. Thank you so much for this!
I love the ocean metaphor.
I love the third step.
During the activity I experienced tightness in my throat and initially thought it was fear but as I was consoling it I saw blue, sadness which I didn’t expect so i started to analyse, noticed I was back in my head and then pulled myself back to heart space. I get a little angry so I breathe deeply which feels nice but isn’t shifting it. it occurs to me that in trying to shift it, I’m not actually feeling it. So it’s here with me, I’m not going to try to control it, I’ll just be with it and see what happens.
Barbara Purdue, Another Field, DALLAS, TX, USAsays
I had to listen to this talk more than once. I was blocked with the thoughts that I am harsh with myself because I should know better and not let my judgmental thoughts beat me down. Unfortunately, the thought of forgiving myself for being judgmental makes me think that I’ll never get things right and have to struggle with the thoughts of settling with how I am “only human” and not so perfect. Then I start to think that “well, nobody is perfect.” But that is not right thinking. It’s still setting the bar higher because I’m “competing against others.” I don’t want to compete. I just want to be “human.” That makes it much easier to accept my “imperfection” and takes the pressure off my mind. Does that make sense?
The specifics and questions about each of the 3 steps and why self blame happens are so helpful in breaking the trance of unworthiness and moving toward self compassion. I really enjoyed the image of the ocean and waves.
Opening to my thoughts is a challenge as my self judging thoughts are so pervasive I hardly recognize them. I know it is possible so I’m not giving up. Once I become aware of a self-judgment thought, and of the deep feelings associated with this thought, then self-compassion follows almost naturally. I want the peace of mind that comes with self-compassion more than anything.
I started crying ..
wow, thank you. It feel so good. I found my pain in my neck.
My awareness of my pain was in my heart
I loved this very informative and interactive yet simple and easy to remember we are the ocean and the waves are a natural part of us thanks
Head- 1st arrow-You are no good, what was good with all that education if you are doing nothing with it? you are wasting your life….
2nd arrow- i am useless, no good, wasting my life
Heart- feelings of unworthiness, just not being good enough- tightness in chest,throat
Heart Space- its ok beloved- you are amazing, i love you so much.
i was able to get yo the depth of the ocean- thank you Tara
I immediately connected to feelings of my childhood when I sensed into that feeling of shooting the blame arrow. I could envelop and nurture my self with compassion, and that gave me a very warm and inclusive and joyous sensationof being connected to the world.
I felt my throat becoming heavy and my heart as if a burden was on me.Then having experienced these feelings and having named them some kind of peace came. Thank you for the practice.
Practising even so briefly with the process of Head-Heart-Heartspace during the video gave me a taste of the possibilities that working more deeply with the practice over time would offer. It is so simple and yet so deep.
beautiful, offering heart space allows my feelings arise in a safe compassionate manor
The double arrow really explained the mental torture that one feels. I find using the words self compassion to my pain eases the intensity of the emotion . Thank you Tara for your clarity
I have been misinterpreting self judgement as safe guarding for myself. Discovering heart space is beautiful, empowering. Thank you Tara
Thank you for this opportunity to practice pausing and engage in this process so that you can redirect your anxiety or sadness to a better place. To begin, I felt a tightness in my chest, but then when I stopped to realize that my waves of anxiety are just a symptom of the uncertainty that I’ve been experiencing in my life recently and that these waves are necessary to carry me to a better place in this ocean of life, I began to feel more optimistic and open to whatever might come next for me. It truly helps to visualize the ocean and realize waves will come and go and that I can use them to carry myself to a better place eventually.
I love the imagery of the heart space as the ocean, and our emotions are a natural part of us as the waves that crash over or overwhelm us but they go away when we accept and stay with it.
Felt peaceful
Felt I’m not good enough
Opening by thinking about how curious and playful I was as a child. I thought of the photo of me as a 6 year old which captured that kid
I felt all of it in my chest, and it felt like I was trying to contain something or not allow it to take up any more space. I know that I am not at the point of feeling safe enough in its release because my breath becomes restricted, and I can feel it in my throat.
When offering kindness, tears were present under the surface but I could feel myself suppressing them.
I cried
I Liked the ocean metaphor
I see I will need to do this more to open up more and remove more
I am hopeful because it worked.
started crying. I kept breathing deeply and kept crying.
this happens to me at church too. very uncomfortable and painful.
when i keep breathing deeply it does help me release the discomfort
and helps me expand that heart space.
thank you
underlying feelings of anxiety and even fear. also realisation that this was normal and needed to trust and have faith in the process of having knee replacement op.
Left with a feeling of relief and that it is ok to be apprehensive.
Video stopped at 1 min. 31 seconds
Thank you very much, Tara. I tried the three-step exercise. When I opened up to my vulnerability, I felt warmth around my heart. I plan to practice this exercise with my clients and might combine it with the focusing exercise.
First step i felt hardness. 2 nd step. Vulnerability combined with a soft sensation.
3 step i felt some widening, as you said, Tara, it was just like opening myself
For the world, for other people and sharing these emotions with all human beeings , because we all together live sometimes strong suffering.
That gave me back strength and confidence, to be a part and not to be alone.
This is very wonderful. I much like the idea of our heart space being the ocean and that we know waves will come. I am so glad I found this space and this teacher Drl Buczynski.
The ocean and wave metaphor is very helpful. I’m learning to unlock years of messages to he perfect, which was transmitted by my mother, as a form of protection with being immigrants in this country.
I carried the responsibility for my parents feeling their childhood pain of being victimized by their parents. Staying alive was a moment to moment struggle. The video of ocean waves reminded me of drowning while my father watched when I was 4 yrs old. A stranger rescued me. When I was 7 my father told me he was not ready to be a parent. If only my mother waited. He was 31 when I was born. This past February I was in my 2nd month experiencing chronic bronchitis, ear and eye infection, and vertigo. I saw a flash of my father as a young child experiencing similar sexual trauma he experienced from his mother as I experienced from him. First time I realized his younger self is connected to me. I forgave him. By the end of the day all of my chronic infections, cough, and vertigo disappeared.
I will need to practice this technique over and over – i felt such a softening with the moving into heartSPACE. The visual of the ocean and waves will be very effective – to remember that the waves are meant to be there and are part of the ocean – the waves of emotion are part of me.
I experienced getting closer to my current fear today so that I can work more with it instead of getting stuck at the same place each time.
First, I fixed my mind on the imagery of “if you remember you’re the ocean, you won’t be afraid of the waves.” That’s meaningful to me as one who heals at the beach. I also continued considering grace and recognized that from my perspective “receive grace” comes before “offer kindness.”
I realised why I feel guilty, when in reality I’m innocent. it’s their guilt that’s projected onto me.
Doing the head to heart exercise created space and I felt supported and safe. Thank you very much. Truly appreciate your teaching.
I’ve recently come to realize that I have CPTSD, and though I’ve done a lot of radical self compassion work, the critic and judge, and the arrogant and prideful parts spewed so much shame in my system for being so broken. It was a godsend to hear Tara speak of this practice in this way and at this time in my life. Thank you so much to everyone who took part in making this happen.
I thank you so much. I found the ocean/wave image particularly helpful.
Head, Heart to Heart space….Yes, I found space is what shifts an encompassing contraction… It is my ” go to” place of being. simply space.
Thank You.
Thank you so much again Tara
I see again how much fear of failure was in me and what the consequencies were for taking good care of myself……………
now tears came up and were welcome……… with compassion and new tenderness…hmm…
There is an enormous amount of sense to simply stop and evaluate a situation. Any response to self or other will bring about a calmer reaction.
In contacting the judge in my body (throat and belly) I felt the fear to be harshly scolded and punished by my mother when I was a child. The same fear which is more or less present in my life.
The next thought I had when I felt my heart as the ocean was : but now I am not alone and helpless as in the past! And I felt space and softness in my heart and belly.
helped me to feel more spacious including myself with more compassion
Thank you!
Thank you. As a three year old, I witnessed my mother dead on the floor (my father killed her). Using ideas in the video brought me to the pain of that time which I also experience w/ my husband when he accuses and blames. I discovered it hurt too much while doing the exercise.
Giving and receiving tender loving kindness to my heart.
this is sooo wise
the exercise started to relax me – I became aware of holding myself tensely -defensively
I want to do it all again
It was hard to verbalise my self-blame, but eventually I came up with “You could do better”, the idea being that whatever I did was not good enough. I could not identify how this self-blame felt – not good enough again! – beyond a vague sadness. I did manage a kind message “You are loved for yourself”, but it will take a lot more for that message to resonate.
Cycles of critical rumination can be overcome… Understanding that everything is relational… The burdening weight our perspective can place on matters… This can be reversed by choosing constructive thought processes… Setting things free… Allowing… Embracing… Accepting… The continued theme of self-compassion opens the way to connect with ourselves and others in ways that are much more substantial and healing
I love Tara’s ocean metaphor – as the ocean has always been my favorite place to be and gives me a sense of calm, this was a serious eye-opener for me. I have a long way to go, but this gave me a sense of hope and even joy, despite the sadness and difficulty shutting down my thoughts. The path from head to heart to heartspace makes a lot of sense, and I have the feeling that I can get back to where I was a long time ago and where I want to be again. Thank you so much for this!
I feel more motivation to be wise living my life and acting as I need to be my best friend ♥️
I love the ocean metaphor.
I love the third step.
During the activity I experienced tightness in my throat and initially thought it was fear but as I was consoling it I saw blue, sadness which I didn’t expect so i started to analyse, noticed I was back in my head and then pulled myself back to heart space. I get a little angry so I breathe deeply which feels nice but isn’t shifting it. it occurs to me that in trying to shift it, I’m not actually feeling it. So it’s here with me, I’m not going to try to control it, I’ll just be with it and see what happens.
I had to listen to this talk more than once. I was blocked with the thoughts that I am harsh with myself because I should know better and not let my judgmental thoughts beat me down. Unfortunately, the thought of forgiving myself for being judgmental makes me think that I’ll never get things right and have to struggle with the thoughts of settling with how I am “only human” and not so perfect. Then I start to think that “well, nobody is perfect.” But that is not right thinking. It’s still setting the bar higher because I’m “competing against others.” I don’t want to compete. I just want to be “human.” That makes it much easier to accept my “imperfection” and takes the pressure off my mind. Does that make sense?
The specifics and questions about each of the 3 steps and why self blame happens are so helpful in breaking the trance of unworthiness and moving toward self compassion. I really enjoyed the image of the ocean and waves.
Opening to my thoughts is a challenge as my self judging thoughts are so pervasive I hardly recognize them. I know it is possible so I’m not giving up. Once I become aware of a self-judgment thought, and of the deep feelings associated with this thought, then self-compassion follows almost naturally. I want the peace of mind that comes with self-compassion more than anything.
“Being the ocean and my insecurities and self-judgement are the waves is tremendously helpful.
Audrey H. I felt my heart and jaw soften.
I really like these videos – short and concise along with giving valuable “easy” lessons