Such wonderful pearls of wisdom Tara thank you so much just listening to your voice helps soothe my self critic and be filled with enough self compassion to let go of resentment to others.I often get irritated at my partner who has issues with organisation and timekeeping a lot but I know this relates to deeper issues .letting go of resentment towards him has already come from this exercise when I opened a space In my heart for his past suffering and in doing so created warmer feelings and a place for us to get closer again .thank you so much Tara
Thank you Tara. As ever you have helped to bring balance to a difficult situation I”m experiencing. My daughter in law I think has Post Natal Depression, and has through fear, anxiety, anger removed my access to my granddaughter, which has deeply hurt me. We are meeting tomorrow for coffee to try and put our relationship back together (there are lots of issues in the melting pot), and I will meet her with compassion in my heart, and a better ability to look at her pain and what has led to this difficult situation. I am hoping we can begin very slowly to rebuilt what used to be a very close and loving relationship, through self loving and compassion for the other.
Thank you for this beautiful exercise..it showed where I am holding feelings of hurt resentment and anger in my body and subconscious mind…as I sat in compassion with myself I cried and released some of those feelings from my heart..I know it will take practice to release and heal..
I would be able to look at myself and others with compassion and I would be lighter to move forward because I would have put down those heavy burdens of judgement and blame.
Although I already understand a lot about things like using “I” statements instead of blaming “you” statements, and have gotten pretty okay with speaking openly and compassionately, particularly when my best friend (also my housemate and basically surrogate family) and I have conflicts… I’m still not as good at doing that with myself. “Who would you be if,” opens a whole can of worms, that I’m going to need to sit with and contemplate for a while. Thank you for the education and prompting contemplation on difficult areas that always could use a little more work.
Thank you so much to offer us this opportunity of practice.
And I also agree with another comment below (Mark) that the images and music are rather distracting, I’d prefer to just watch Tara’s kind face.
I could feel how hard it is for the mind to shift as if giving up victimhood ment feeling guilty again… Behind blaming others lies self-blame and shame.
As I said the last time, shame is the most difficult emotion to face. It’s still difficult, even after many years, to know – and trust – who I would be without blame and shame. But for sure I’ll go on and on practicing.
Anne
This exercise had me tune in to my feelings of anger, fear and shame thatI feel towards myself, because I don’t know how to keep my adult daughter safe. She was brutally raped when she was attending university away from home. After the trauma she suffered from PTS and at the same time she was diagnosed with PTS she was also diagnosed with bipolar. It’s been three years since she her diagnosis and she has come so far and I am so proud of her, however my desire to protect her since her interferes with the trusting relationship we once had. Sometimes I unknowingly say things that trigger her and sometime I give unsolicited advice that I immediately regret.
I started meditating everyday and this has been a great help to help calm and focus my energy on my own need to heal.
Your exercise today had me weeping as I realized my own wounds and feelings of inadequacy. When I put my hand on my heart and repeated it’s ok to feel what I’m feeling while letting the tears flow I felt a sudden shift. Feelings of compassion towards myself and my struggle to connect, support and love my daughter washed over me and the tightness around my heart eased.
i realized that though the other oerson was in a role of spiritual authority, they too had wounds and vulnerabilities. i had been expecting them to be more than human. while i have long felt the need to confront this individusl, i believe now it may be more of a conversation and a mutual learning.
Even more to the point, once i did the u turn out of righteous indignation and met my own feelings, they quickly evaporated — nothing to defend. Nothing to attack either. thank you
If I let go of judgment and blame, I sense that I would soften and probably be able to trust myself and others again. I see where judgement and blame are like walls, walling people out and is a wall between my true self and a persona I’ve created to exist through.
It seems that I would be more free, have more time and energy if continue this practice and get to a place where I’ve let go of judgement and blame.
I loved this Tara, thank you. Since there is limited access, I took good notes and transcribed the practice parts word for word. The practices in Part 1, 2, and 3 are invaluable.
Unfortunately on a short time frame before the videos expired so wanted to watch the videos first and took notes. Very interesting! Lots of food for thought and has given an insight into something that I have been feeling very stuck with in a relationship as well as with my own self worth. I will definitely be revisiting the steps and see where the journey takes me…already I am seeing things with fresh eyes
Wow! Thank you…this video forced me to realize how much of my anger, blame and criticism of the other person emanated from feelings of being neglected, not valued and I visible. It hurt to feel those feelings and I am not sure I fully accepted them yet. I did have the ability to recognize the pain in the other person’s life, which made me sad and get teary-eyed. Awareness is the first step, but it ain’t easy. I do like to think of how much healthier I would feel if I could let go of my shields and arrows.
As a practicing psychologist, the videos gave me a moment to more consciously experience and deal with my own self judgment which at times leaves me feeling less adequate. I see the value in becoming more experienced in learning these helpful techniques for myself and my clients.. Marilyn Miller, Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Thankyou for this practice. It was timely and helpful in my work with clients who are stuck in blame and anger towards another, and I was being hooked into my own struggle with blame and defensiveness. What a relief to let that go and shift to a place of compassion and understanding
Thank you for the turnaround. It was timely and helpful in my work with clients who are stuck in blame and anger towards another, and I was being hooked into my own struggle with blame and defensiveness. What a relief to let that go and shift to a place of compassion and understanding
Ruth Buczynski asks for comment in her email and I find myself directed here to do so. Not quite sure this is the right place for what I must say, but here goes.
These three talks of Tara are deeply important to me.
I often listen to her longer youtube teachings, not just once, but again and again.
She invites us to engage in serious heart work and this for me takes a long time and a lot of practice, not over a few days, but months and years.
This leaves me dismayed that this set of three talks is available for so a short time. I feel the need to come back to hear her words often and often over the coming weeks and months. But this will not be possible…
The setting of these talks has been carefully crafted, presumably by nicabm. This visually enhances what she says – but the musak in the background does not. It distracted me constantly from Tara’s words. I kept trying to discern whether it is a loop and then found I hadn’t heard a word of what she was saying and had lost the thread of her teaching. Maybe this style of presentation suits younger people: I am an old dude of 77. But the sound of running water would have been perfect…
But I do want to thank you, Tara, for generously making your teachings so freely available. I am especially grateful for your unfolding the BrahmaVihara and for the RAIN technique for meditation. These inform my daily practice. I often hold in metta you and my other best e-teachers, Jack Kornfield, Frank Ostaseski, Jon Kabat-Zinn, Thich Nhat Hanh, David Steindl-Rast and many others. The bright web is an awesome resource for which I am thankful daily.
And every blessing of an awakened heart for all who have “met” on this site.
This was so timely for me. Practicing the u turn has been key to me moving through deep long held pain in my birth family and family of creation. Whilst the work to understand myself is ongoing of course, I feel better able now to see the fear and pain of those I’ve blamed and resented. Thank you for all you offer. It’s been immensely helpful through a very difficult time if my life.
I think I would be living more joyfully and be more in the moment, instead of ruminating on past hurts. I would have a more open heart, instead of isolating myself.
This was lovely, and something I need to be reminded of lately. So many things have happened in the past few years that kind of shocked my sense of equilibrium, that I was in a constant state of blame: me, them, me, them. Rationally, I thought i could see past it all, but emotionally, no. This practice helped me feel — in my heart– the forgiveness that I try to bestow in my thoughts. Thank you.
This is beautiful, Tara. You are always so helpful and nurturing, and have your talks, meditations, and concepts have really expanded my horizons of forgiveness, acceptance, and general well being. Muchas gracias por todo!
Hi Tara,
I made this conscious shift in 1999 with my mom. We were both strong willed women who argued and disagreed on many subjects. One Mother’s Day weekend I just dropped all my blaming. I spent the weekend with her, shopping, having lunch, visiting with grandkids, etc. I could feel her shift- her heart open to me. Two weeks later she suffered a massive aneurysm in her head and died suddenly. I cannot even describe the gratitude I had for that weekend.
With love, Linda St. Claire
As I did the exercise I was able to get to my root feelings of my resentment towards this other individual which was fear. I sat with the fear, allowing it to be, not pushing it away and being kind to myself for being afraid. When I turned my thoughts back to the individual I was able to feel a softening and understanding
I would be free. Free to be me. Free to experience myself and others fully. With this freedom I would see. See and feel more deeply. Honestly. Space would abound with room to breathe deeply, sit quietly, dream and explore. These exercises are timely as I’ll be facing someone this week who triggers me and evokes deep hurt and resentment. But now I have the ability to make a u turn.
Thank you for sharing.
Thank you so much for the most timely reminder about self criticism and blame. I would be a much happier person free to be myself without harsh judgment and worry about what people might think of me. I am so grateful for your message reminding and encouraging us to be mindful and aware of our thoughts and beliefs and the far reaching effect they may have on our life.
So extraordinary. I feel so much lighter and most importantly …free. The U- Turn concept is off the charts wonderful. I also used this with a client tonight with beautiful results.
I really appreciated hearing Tara speak about those of us who may be re-traumatized by making a U-turn too early, before we have the inner resilience to deal with the situation. This has been the case for me for many decades, until I finally found enough support to begin to heal. In the exercise I was able to make the U-turn and be with my grief but not ready to see my neighbors vulnerability as his behavior is still very hurtful to me. This is new for me to follow my own wisdom and do only what feels right to me at any one time. Thank you.
Thank you so much for this guided practice. The story of the person on a walk, the bark, the wounded leg, the shift to compassion for the creature’s trapped leg, applied to one’s woundedness and looking at one’s woundedness and accepting the feelings and offering compassion to one’s self, with a touch to heart and compassionate and tender voice, such as “it’s okay to feel this Cokie.” And then to turn to look at the person who wounded me and see how they might have their leg in a trap which led them to hurt me, well, this is loving compassion. I am excited to shave started practicing this with you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart ♥️ for your caring and reflective insights, examples, and to allow us time to practice. Thank you, Tara.
Wow, Thank You so much for sharing your wisdom with us.
I have shared this with some of my friends and they are all so happy and impressed with the shifts that have taken place.
Namaste
This reminded me of a time when I really struggled in my relationship with my father. This reminded me of the hurts and traps that have often served to separate us. I love him dearly even though we often disagree. This helped me to remember his hurts and how his hurts and mine have impacted others. Thank you so much for sharing these videos. I have watched all three numerous times because they have struck a chord within me that while difficult to touch needs to be healed. As a counselor, I am looking forward to seeing how these may help me to be able to help them as well.
I would be more open-hearted and free to love myself with more compassion, not that I personally would have more compassion, but that I would be able to tap into the infinite source of compassion and the vibration of love that is the essence of everyone and everything.
Such wonderful pearls of wisdom Tara thank you so much just listening to your voice helps soothe my self critic and be filled with enough self compassion to let go of resentment to others.I often get irritated at my partner who has issues with organisation and timekeeping a lot but I know this relates to deeper issues .letting go of resentment towards him has already come from this exercise when I opened a space In my heart for his past suffering and in doing so created warmer feelings and a place for us to get closer again .thank you so much Tara
Brilliant
Thank you Tara. As ever you have helped to bring balance to a difficult situation I”m experiencing. My daughter in law I think has Post Natal Depression, and has through fear, anxiety, anger removed my access to my granddaughter, which has deeply hurt me. We are meeting tomorrow for coffee to try and put our relationship back together (there are lots of issues in the melting pot), and I will meet her with compassion in my heart, and a better ability to look at her pain and what has led to this difficult situation. I am hoping we can begin very slowly to rebuilt what used to be a very close and loving relationship, through self loving and compassion for the other.
Thank you for this beautiful exercise..it showed where I am holding feelings of hurt resentment and anger in my body and subconscious mind…as I sat in compassion with myself I cried and released some of those feelings from my heart..I know it will take practice to release and heal..
I would be able to look at myself and others with compassion and I would be lighter to move forward because I would have put down those heavy burdens of judgement and blame.
Although I already understand a lot about things like using “I” statements instead of blaming “you” statements, and have gotten pretty okay with speaking openly and compassionately, particularly when my best friend (also my housemate and basically surrogate family) and I have conflicts… I’m still not as good at doing that with myself. “Who would you be if,” opens a whole can of worms, that I’m going to need to sit with and contemplate for a while. Thank you for the education and prompting contemplation on difficult areas that always could use a little more work.
Thank you so much to offer us this opportunity of practice.
And I also agree with another comment below (Mark) that the images and music are rather distracting, I’d prefer to just watch Tara’s kind face.
I could feel how hard it is for the mind to shift as if giving up victimhood ment feeling guilty again… Behind blaming others lies self-blame and shame.
As I said the last time, shame is the most difficult emotion to face. It’s still difficult, even after many years, to know – and trust – who I would be without blame and shame. But for sure I’ll go on and on practicing.
Anne
This exercise had me tune in to my feelings of anger, fear and shame thatI feel towards myself, because I don’t know how to keep my adult daughter safe. She was brutally raped when she was attending university away from home. After the trauma she suffered from PTS and at the same time she was diagnosed with PTS she was also diagnosed with bipolar. It’s been three years since she her diagnosis and she has come so far and I am so proud of her, however my desire to protect her since her interferes with the trusting relationship we once had. Sometimes I unknowingly say things that trigger her and sometime I give unsolicited advice that I immediately regret.
I started meditating everyday and this has been a great help to help calm and focus my energy on my own need to heal.
Your exercise today had me weeping as I realized my own wounds and feelings of inadequacy. When I put my hand on my heart and repeated it’s ok to feel what I’m feeling while letting the tears flow I felt a sudden shift. Feelings of compassion towards myself and my struggle to connect, support and love my daughter washed over me and the tightness around my heart eased.
i realized that though the other oerson was in a role of spiritual authority, they too had wounds and vulnerabilities. i had been expecting them to be more than human. while i have long felt the need to confront this individusl, i believe now it may be more of a conversation and a mutual learning.
Even more to the point, once i did the u turn out of righteous indignation and met my own feelings, they quickly evaporated — nothing to defend. Nothing to attack either. thank you
Thank you very much for all the three videos. Very powerful techniques. My inner child is smiling and sending all her love to you.
If I let go of judgment and blame, I sense that I would soften and probably be able to trust myself and others again. I see where judgement and blame are like walls, walling people out and is a wall between my true self and a persona I’ve created to exist through.
It seems that I would be more free, have more time and energy if continue this practice and get to a place where I’ve let go of judgement and blame.
I loved this Tara, thank you. Since there is limited access, I took good notes and transcribed the practice parts word for word. The practices in Part 1, 2, and 3 are invaluable.
Unfortunately on a short time frame before the videos expired so wanted to watch the videos first and took notes. Very interesting! Lots of food for thought and has given an insight into something that I have been feeling very stuck with in a relationship as well as with my own self worth. I will definitely be revisiting the steps and see where the journey takes me…already I am seeing things with fresh eyes
Thank you
the words are very heart touching
Myself
i found this a really thoughtful and helpful video.
Wow! Thank you…this video forced me to realize how much of my anger, blame and criticism of the other person emanated from feelings of being neglected, not valued and I visible. It hurt to feel those feelings and I am not sure I fully accepted them yet. I did have the ability to recognize the pain in the other person’s life, which made me sad and get teary-eyed. Awareness is the first step, but it ain’t easy. I do like to think of how much healthier I would feel if I could let go of my shields and arrows.
Thank you for this practise! You made this so easy to understand and accept x
Thank you for this. It is a very timely reminder of what I need to do for myself and others
Amanda
As a practicing psychologist, the videos gave me a moment to more consciously experience and deal with my own self judgment which at times leaves me feeling less adequate. I see the value in becoming more experienced in learning these helpful techniques for myself and my clients.. Marilyn Miller, Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Thank you It’s so comforting
Who would I be? Relaxed, peaceful and happy to be me.
Thankyou for this practice. It was timely and helpful in my work with clients who are stuck in blame and anger towards another, and I was being hooked into my own struggle with blame and defensiveness. What a relief to let that go and shift to a place of compassion and understanding
Thank you for the turnaround. It was timely and helpful in my work with clients who are stuck in blame and anger towards another, and I was being hooked into my own struggle with blame and defensiveness. What a relief to let that go and shift to a place of compassion and understanding
This was a wonderful balance of theory and application. Thank you!
Ruth Buczynski asks for comment in her email and I find myself directed here to do so. Not quite sure this is the right place for what I must say, but here goes.
These three talks of Tara are deeply important to me.
I often listen to her longer youtube teachings, not just once, but again and again.
She invites us to engage in serious heart work and this for me takes a long time and a lot of practice, not over a few days, but months and years.
This leaves me dismayed that this set of three talks is available for so a short time. I feel the need to come back to hear her words often and often over the coming weeks and months. But this will not be possible…
The setting of these talks has been carefully crafted, presumably by nicabm. This visually enhances what she says – but the musak in the background does not. It distracted me constantly from Tara’s words. I kept trying to discern whether it is a loop and then found I hadn’t heard a word of what she was saying and had lost the thread of her teaching. Maybe this style of presentation suits younger people: I am an old dude of 77. But the sound of running water would have been perfect…
But I do want to thank you, Tara, for generously making your teachings so freely available. I am especially grateful for your unfolding the BrahmaVihara and for the RAIN technique for meditation. These inform my daily practice. I often hold in metta you and my other best e-teachers, Jack Kornfield, Frank Ostaseski, Jon Kabat-Zinn, Thich Nhat Hanh, David Steindl-Rast and many others. The bright web is an awesome resource for which I am thankful daily.
And every blessing of an awakened heart for all who have “met” on this site.
This was so timely for me. Practicing the u turn has been key to me moving through deep long held pain in my birth family and family of creation. Whilst the work to understand myself is ongoing of course, I feel better able now to see the fear and pain of those I’ve blamed and resented. Thank you for all you offer. It’s been immensely helpful through a very difficult time if my life.
I think I would be living more joyfully and be more in the moment, instead of ruminating on past hurts. I would have a more open heart, instead of isolating myself.
This was lovely, and something I need to be reminded of lately. So many things have happened in the past few years that kind of shocked my sense of equilibrium, that I was in a constant state of blame: me, them, me, them. Rationally, I thought i could see past it all, but emotionally, no. This practice helped me feel — in my heart– the forgiveness that I try to bestow in my thoughts. Thank you.
This is beautiful, Tara. You are always so helpful and nurturing, and have your talks, meditations, and concepts have really expanded my horizons of forgiveness, acceptance, and general well being. Muchas gracias por todo!
After practicing as directed in the time of reflection, I truly received some much needed insights. Thank you!
Thank you, that was a beautiful turnaround.
Hi Tara,
I made this conscious shift in 1999 with my mom. We were both strong willed women who argued and disagreed on many subjects. One Mother’s Day weekend I just dropped all my blaming. I spent the weekend with her, shopping, having lunch, visiting with grandkids, etc. I could feel her shift- her heart open to me. Two weeks later she suffered a massive aneurysm in her head and died suddenly. I cannot even describe the gratitude I had for that weekend.
With love, Linda St. Claire
the free audio would be great. u turn strategy is something i am interested in.
Very helpful! Thank you for sharing these!
As I did the exercise I was able to get to my root feelings of my resentment towards this other individual which was fear. I sat with the fear, allowing it to be, not pushing it away and being kind to myself for being afraid. When I turned my thoughts back to the individual I was able to feel a softening and understanding
I would be a nicer more loving and compassionate person and stop blame my self and others for the bad things in my life
I suspect that as the judgements fall away, the joy of living, being and giving will recast cast me as a lover of life!
I would be free. Free to be me. Free to experience myself and others fully. With this freedom I would see. See and feel more deeply. Honestly. Space would abound with room to breathe deeply, sit quietly, dream and explore. These exercises are timely as I’ll be facing someone this week who triggers me and evokes deep hurt and resentment. But now I have the ability to make a u turn.
Thank you for sharing.
Thank you so much for the most timely reminder about self criticism and blame. I would be a much happier person free to be myself without harsh judgment and worry about what people might think of me. I am so grateful for your message reminding and encouraging us to be mindful and aware of our thoughts and beliefs and the far reaching effect they may have on our life.
I would be free. I would feel lighter and be more able to accept and be in the present moment.
So extraordinary. I feel so much lighter and most importantly …free. The U- Turn concept is off the charts wonderful. I also used this with a client tonight with beautiful results.
I really appreciated hearing Tara speak about those of us who may be re-traumatized by making a U-turn too early, before we have the inner resilience to deal with the situation. This has been the case for me for many decades, until I finally found enough support to begin to heal. In the exercise I was able to make the U-turn and be with my grief but not ready to see my neighbors vulnerability as his behavior is still very hurtful to me. This is new for me to follow my own wisdom and do only what feels right to me at any one time. Thank you.
Thanks so much.i cried and felt alot lighter.i let myself experience those emotions and was kind to myself
be at ease
carefree
Thank you so much for this guided practice. The story of the person on a walk, the bark, the wounded leg, the shift to compassion for the creature’s trapped leg, applied to one’s woundedness and looking at one’s woundedness and accepting the feelings and offering compassion to one’s self, with a touch to heart and compassionate and tender voice, such as “it’s okay to feel this Cokie.” And then to turn to look at the person who wounded me and see how they might have their leg in a trap which led them to hurt me, well, this is loving compassion. I am excited to shave started practicing this with you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart ♥️ for your caring and reflective insights, examples, and to allow us time to practice. Thank you, Tara.
Wow, Thank You so much for sharing your wisdom with us.
I have shared this with some of my friends and they are all so happy and impressed with the shifts that have taken place.
Namaste
This reminded me of a time when I really struggled in my relationship with my father. This reminded me of the hurts and traps that have often served to separate us. I love him dearly even though we often disagree. This helped me to remember his hurts and how his hurts and mine have impacted others. Thank you so much for sharing these videos. I have watched all three numerous times because they have struck a chord within me that while difficult to touch needs to be healed. As a counselor, I am looking forward to seeing how these may help me to be able to help them as well.
I would be more open-hearted and free to love myself with more compassion, not that I personally would have more compassion, but that I would be able to tap into the infinite source of compassion and the vibration of love that is the essence of everyone and everything.