Thank you so much, Tara! I really appreciate the wisdom you share and also the practical way you explain things like the U-Turn. I am so glad that you included that if you have been traumatized that it’s useful to keep the armouring of blame until you have more external safety and internal strength. This really helped me to understand where I am at right now. Many blessings to you!
I would not be so angry at men. I felt a shift to seeing my dad and his vulnerability and it sort of made sense. He needed control over what should have been happy experiences and as a result, ruined them.
I have held this anger for 60 years.
I love your work and social commitment. I will use the story of the dog with a leg in a trap for my clients as well as myself.
But I harbor a reservation about your work with self-compassion. I have mild autism. It doesn’t impair most of my life, but tremendously limits friendships and intimate relationships. People like me from a mid-range distance and my clients find our work quite helpful. But the closer the relationship, the more uncomfortable or over stimulated I become and the more awkward or “atypical” my behavior becomes. I have self-compassion, I did not ask for this disability. But it is very difficult for people with any kind of brain condition not to become saddened, angry and resentful of their own limitations. It is our own behavior that causes us pain.
I would be living a life of peace and authenticity. When I let go of judgment and chronic blame, I begin to change and be gentle in my interactions with others. This will fill my life with joy and a purpose for serving others.
Thank you Tara. In practicing the 3 steps in your last video I was able to see not just how I was reacting to please and live up to expectations of those involved in the situation I had in mind, but I realized how I react on an even broader level to the expectations society and my profession has. These are all at odds with who I really am, and the freedom one finds when liberating oneself from one’s judgment from not living up to other’s expectations is immense. To dig down into who I really am and let that be my guide as opposed to the unrealistic path of living up to other’s expectations brings so much more peace and ease. Thank you!
My sister, 15months younger than me, has blamed me for many difficulties in her life. We are both in our 70’s now. Practicing the U turn in my own reflections, I felt a shift in my heart. Thank You, we are all vulnerable humans.
Thank you very much Tara for this video! It has helped me remind myself to be free of judgment and feel to blame for things that are not really my fault. I have been working on letting go of judgment towards other persons besides myself. The U turn excercise is very good.
I cried in my u-turn as I noticed that blaming others is my go to way of coping. I also watched the hurt I caused the person I had just blamed. Powerful and yes, inviting to my own self compassion and healing. Thank you
I remembered being hurt by my sister’s unstated refusal to forgive me for my controlling interference and insensitivity when she had cancer. I’m stuck in the sorrow because thinking of her in the trap aroused more than I could manage in regard to the long complications of our relationship and painful histories. But I have been avoiding sorrow which it causes me to numb myself out to most feeling these days because it seems there is so much intense sorrow in me.
Who would I be if I let go of blame – as soon as I moved into step 2 – the connection to and of my feelings my whole body – breath, physical, emotional mental, energetic released softly and kind of all at the same time. This gentle inner movement opened me to this ‘it’s all alright with you, it’s all going to be alright’. There were tears of release from my eyes & a movement of energy from my sternum down my left arm and my gut softened. I feel I would be healthier of body – the internal body and of mind – I’d develop that space to be free
I enjoyed this workshop. I would be a much more in the moment person, with less anxiety. I find my monkey brain is always judging, commenting and blaming…it is a very real pattern for me .. and I am reactive based on this. I enjoyed the idea of taking out of that realm and bringing it back to self compassion. I will work on this .. and thank you for the recording to practice this step. Regards Judy
This was super useful. I had a hard time figuring out how the person who hurt me is in the trap. It was useful to bring compassion to myself and to allow myself to feel the hurt. Are there any tricks to finding the trap the other person is in?
As a “mama bear” of a young adult is severely autistic and suffers other disabilities, I have done a number on myself when it comes to blame. I admit this year when he turned 21, I wanted people to be more compassionate to him/me and I was disappointed and found myself judging others for not reaching out with compassion. The U turn is so helpful in remembering that I have ownership of my responses and can give myself more compassion when feelings of grief and suffering are present. I love my son and accept him for who he is and perhaps that is the most powerful U turn, to not expect others (even family) to feel for him.
Tara, thank you. I am almost finished with your and Jack’s Mindfulness Daily. In February I signed up for your and Jack’s Power of Awareness. I am doing some of the Mentoring Sessions. I have also marked your 730 Wednesday evening talks and am listening. I do Insight Timer, too. ?
But, this course is so now! I do want to learn more about it. ?
Often you suggest journaling, I wish that I could make that more empowering and not a checklist to see what I still need to do or did not do. With that being said I do not journal.
Only having professional choices on your profession list is not a positive for me. I am not an other.
If I were to let go, it would allow more freedom. I might be free to utilize my abilities and put energy towards assisting others and for my work, rather than expending energy on judging and blaming myself.
Thank you for this 3-part series, I found it helpful and insightful. Certainly will be putting these tools to use and hoping to share with others. Blessings!
I admire your gentle wisdom. It seemed so easy in your kind and accepting presentations to resolve difficulties situations. Yet I can see how it may be difficult to achieve this when you have been hurt for years. Thank you for sharing your intelligence in such a compassionate manner.
I think I’d actually feel more resilient and feel a greater freedom to love others deeply in the way that I want to in my life. I think I’d feel this weight of “needing to correct/hold others to account” fall from my shoulders and instead be able to put more compassionate energy into keeping myself accountable to living a life aligned with my values. And I’d think I’d have less fear when it comes to engaging with those who hold different political views than mine and be able to approach those conversations with curiosity and openness. I’ve been thinking about how to approach race conversations with white folks from a place of compassion rather than judgement and a willingness to lean in rather than turn away when I feel challenged or uncomfortable in these conversations.
Taking the u-turn helped me to see that my emotions are part of my valid, lived experience which is still healing and recovering from repeated trauma. I wish that I could be ‘fixed’, and not struggle so much with interpersonal relationships, but that’s not my ocean right now. Practicing the u-turn may help me to reset my heart-space when triggering happens. If I can see and care about how my leg is trapped, I will eventually see how others are stuck in their own trap.
Thank you! The 3 parts have been really invaluable to put together some of the things that I was experiencing and practising, and some of the news ways I find hope in and interest to practice, moving forward. The next step forward now seen clearly.
Thank you so much for the 3 sessions. I appreciate the strategies you suggest to let go of judgement and be more compassionate to self and others. This is very timely for me especially in entering into retirement with my husband and our new phase in life.
I would be happier…..now I work on understanding and forgiving myself for what I have secretly blamed myself for…..calling it my wasted years. I will tell a different story after I allow this healing.
Thank you
Thank you Tara – In my journey to find a way to forgive my mother for the abuse that I experienced at her hands as a child, I had always struggled to simply “forgive” her for some things that felt unforgivable. Even though I had compassion for the struggles that my mother had in her life (and I could do the U-turn), she used those as excuses for her rage and violence. I clearly knew what I would “not do” when raising my own children so the silver lining is that I had a wonderful time raising my daughters. I knew that my own way to healing was to forgive her but I had been stuck in anger and blame for a long time and I just didn’t know how to shift. I never considered that a way through my anger towards her was to practice SELF compassion. This was a breakthrough for me when I read your book “Radical acceptance” recently and began practicing R.A.I.N. I finally found my way and it has helped me to work through other triggers that come up for me in difficult situations – so again, thank you for sharing your bright light Tara – you are a gift to the world as you share so freely of your work.
Thanks Tara
Really helped me acknowledge my own fears and recognise how my partners upbringing will be effecting his behaviours.
I shall practice more.
Vicki
When I thought about my hurt and anger that my brother hasn’t called I accepted these feelings and stopped judging myself. I felt calmer and more able to call and connect with him as he is ready.
Beautiful practice…There are so many little things and big…that accumulate over time…I experience this practice as cleansing…and uplifting!
Thank you.
Thank you so much, Tara! I really appreciate the wisdom you share and also the practical way you explain things like the U-Turn. I am so glad that you included that if you have been traumatized that it’s useful to keep the armouring of blame until you have more external safety and internal strength. This really helped me to understand where I am at right now. Many blessings to you!
I would not be so angry at men. I felt a shift to seeing my dad and his vulnerability and it sort of made sense. He needed control over what should have been happy experiences and as a result, ruined them.
I have held this anger for 60 years.
I love your work and social commitment. I will use the story of the dog with a leg in a trap for my clients as well as myself.
But I harbor a reservation about your work with self-compassion. I have mild autism. It doesn’t impair most of my life, but tremendously limits friendships and intimate relationships. People like me from a mid-range distance and my clients find our work quite helpful. But the closer the relationship, the more uncomfortable or over stimulated I become and the more awkward or “atypical” my behavior becomes. I have self-compassion, I did not ask for this disability. But it is very difficult for people with any kind of brain condition not to become saddened, angry and resentful of their own limitations. It is our own behavior that causes us pain.
I would be living a life of peace and authenticity. When I let go of judgment and chronic blame, I begin to change and be gentle in my interactions with others. This will fill my life with joy and a purpose for serving others.
Thank you
Thank you, Tara. Your insights and strategies for looking at, sitting with and working with feelings of vulnerability are always helpful…..
Thank you this was very helpful. I would find so much more peace of mind if I could learn self compassion and how to work on my inner critic
Thank you Tara. In practicing the 3 steps in your last video I was able to see not just how I was reacting to please and live up to expectations of those involved in the situation I had in mind, but I realized how I react on an even broader level to the expectations society and my profession has. These are all at odds with who I really am, and the freedom one finds when liberating oneself from one’s judgment from not living up to other’s expectations is immense. To dig down into who I really am and let that be my guide as opposed to the unrealistic path of living up to other’s expectations brings so much more peace and ease. Thank you!
This one is going to be hard to practise. But willing to try. Thank you very much Tara
Happier in all close relationships….so wonderful videos and instructions!
I would be a peaceful soul who could accept what is happening and actually smile at all that has been, all that is and all that will be.
My sister, 15months younger than me, has blamed me for many difficulties in her life. We are both in our 70’s now. Practicing the U turn in my own reflections, I felt a shift in my heart. Thank You, we are all vulnerable humans.
Thank you very much Tara for this video! It has helped me remind myself to be free of judgment and feel to blame for things that are not really my fault. I have been working on letting go of judgment towards other persons besides myself. The U turn excercise is very good.
I would be the little human that came into the world before the trauma…fearless, creative, playful, loving, funny and fiercely compassionate.
I would be happier and able to find more joy in my life in the present. I would be more at peace, less weighed down, less alone.
I cried in my u-turn as I noticed that blaming others is my go to way of coping. I also watched the hurt I caused the person I had just blamed. Powerful and yes, inviting to my own self compassion and healing. Thank you
I remembered being hurt by my sister’s unstated refusal to forgive me for my controlling interference and insensitivity when she had cancer. I’m stuck in the sorrow because thinking of her in the trap aroused more than I could manage in regard to the long complications of our relationship and painful histories. But I have been avoiding sorrow which it causes me to numb myself out to most feeling these days because it seems there is so much intense sorrow in me.
A simple caring person – that doesn’t always have to be right !
Someone with space around her
Difficult to put in words, confusing … having compassion for others is easier then to have compassion for oneself. Thank you much appreciated.
Who would I be if I let go of blame – as soon as I moved into step 2 – the connection to and of my feelings my whole body – breath, physical, emotional mental, energetic released softly and kind of all at the same time. This gentle inner movement opened me to this ‘it’s all alright with you, it’s all going to be alright’. There were tears of release from my eyes & a movement of energy from my sternum down my left arm and my gut softened. I feel I would be healthier of body – the internal body and of mind – I’d develop that space to be free
I enjoyed this workshop. I would be a much more in the moment person, with less anxiety. I find my monkey brain is always judging, commenting and blaming…it is a very real pattern for me .. and I am reactive based on this. I enjoyed the idea of taking out of that realm and bringing it back to self compassion. I will work on this .. and thank you for the recording to practice this step. Regards Judy
Thankyou Tara from New Zealand
This was super useful. I had a hard time figuring out how the person who hurt me is in the trap. It was useful to bring compassion to myself and to allow myself to feel the hurt. Are there any tricks to finding the trap the other person is in?
I would be able to connect happier and more lovingly to my closest relationships.
I would be free because if I would be accepting myself just as I am therefore feel no need to judge when I see myself in others
As a “mama bear” of a young adult is severely autistic and suffers other disabilities, I have done a number on myself when it comes to blame. I admit this year when he turned 21, I wanted people to be more compassionate to him/me and I was disappointed and found myself judging others for not reaching out with compassion. The U turn is so helpful in remembering that I have ownership of my responses and can give myself more compassion when feelings of grief and suffering are present. I love my son and accept him for who he is and perhaps that is the most powerful U turn, to not expect others (even family) to feel for him.
Tara, thank you. I am almost finished with your and Jack’s Mindfulness Daily. In February I signed up for your and Jack’s Power of Awareness. I am doing some of the Mentoring Sessions. I have also marked your 730 Wednesday evening talks and am listening. I do Insight Timer, too. ?
But, this course is so now! I do want to learn more about it. ?
Often you suggest journaling, I wish that I could make that more empowering and not a checklist to see what I still need to do or did not do. With that being said I do not journal.
Only having professional choices on your profession list is not a positive for me. I am not an other.
Thank you!
I would be free
Thank you Tara
Thank you.
I have been judging myself, without realizing it for trusting someone to understand me. It’s O.K. that she did not. It was realistic for me to trust.
I’m not sure, but I’d like to find out.
I felt less angry… more centered
If I were to let go, it would allow more freedom. I might be free to utilize my abilities and put energy towards assisting others and for my work, rather than expending energy on judging and blaming myself.
Thank you for this 3-part series, I found it helpful and insightful. Certainly will be putting these tools to use and hoping to share with others. Blessings!
I admire your gentle wisdom. It seemed so easy in your kind and accepting presentations to resolve difficulties situations. Yet I can see how it may be difficult to achieve this when you have been hurt for years. Thank you for sharing your intelligence in such a compassionate manner.
I would be a freer more loving and giving and less anxious person
I think I’d actually feel more resilient and feel a greater freedom to love others deeply in the way that I want to in my life. I think I’d feel this weight of “needing to correct/hold others to account” fall from my shoulders and instead be able to put more compassionate energy into keeping myself accountable to living a life aligned with my values. And I’d think I’d have less fear when it comes to engaging with those who hold different political views than mine and be able to approach those conversations with curiosity and openness. I’ve been thinking about how to approach race conversations with white folks from a place of compassion rather than judgement and a willingness to lean in rather than turn away when I feel challenged or uncomfortable in these conversations.
Maybe I’d reach my full potential when I let go of judgment and chronic blame. Plus, I might make more friends.
Thank you. The u turn exercise was just what I needed to remind myself that I am in charge of my feelings and am responsible for what I choose feel.
Taking the u-turn helped me to see that my emotions are part of my valid, lived experience which is still healing and recovering from repeated trauma. I wish that I could be ‘fixed’, and not struggle so much with interpersonal relationships, but that’s not my ocean right now. Practicing the u-turn may help me to reset my heart-space when triggering happens. If I can see and care about how my leg is trapped, I will eventually see how others are stuck in their own trap.
Thank you! The 3 parts have been really invaluable to put together some of the things that I was experiencing and practising, and some of the news ways I find hope in and interest to practice, moving forward. The next step forward now seen clearly.
Thank you so much for the 3 sessions. I appreciate the strategies you suggest to let go of judgement and be more compassionate to self and others. This is very timely for me especially in entering into retirement with my husband and our new phase in life.
Free!
I enjoyed this. Especially learning that it’s ok to feel my feelings. After forgiving myself for these feelings, I was able to forgive another person.
I would be happier…..now I work on understanding and forgiving myself for what I have secretly blamed myself for…..calling it my wasted years. I will tell a different story after I allow this healing.
Thank you
I would be a happier individual who appreciated her accomplishments and enjoyed even obstacles as a part of a learning situation and journey.
Thank you Tara – In my journey to find a way to forgive my mother for the abuse that I experienced at her hands as a child, I had always struggled to simply “forgive” her for some things that felt unforgivable. Even though I had compassion for the struggles that my mother had in her life (and I could do the U-turn), she used those as excuses for her rage and violence. I clearly knew what I would “not do” when raising my own children so the silver lining is that I had a wonderful time raising my daughters. I knew that my own way to healing was to forgive her but I had been stuck in anger and blame for a long time and I just didn’t know how to shift. I never considered that a way through my anger towards her was to practice SELF compassion. This was a breakthrough for me when I read your book “Radical acceptance” recently and began practicing R.A.I.N. I finally found my way and it has helped me to work through other triggers that come up for me in difficult situations – so again, thank you for sharing your bright light Tara – you are a gift to the world as you share so freely of your work.
Thanks Tara
Really helped me acknowledge my own fears and recognise how my partners upbringing will be effecting his behaviours.
I shall practice more.
Vicki
When I thought about my hurt and anger that my brother hasn’t called I accepted these feelings and stopped judging myself. I felt calmer and more able to call and connect with him as he is ready.
I loved it. It changed my life